Lead Like Your Leaving

Most leaders operate like their role is permanent. And that assumption is quietly destroying the best parts of their leadership.

In this episode, Lisa challenges a belief most of us have never examined: that there’s always more time. More time to have the conversation, to champion the idea, to lead the way we actually want to. She introduces the concept of finite urgency — and asks a question that might change how you show up on Monday: what would you do differently if you knew you had twelve months left in your seat?

This one is going to stay with you.

Soul to Soul with Dr. Lisa Carter-Bawa is a podcast for anyone who is in the middle of becoming — doing the inner work, asking the harder questions, and learning to live from the inside out.

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Not role to role. Soul to soul.

Transcript

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You're listening to Soul to Soul with Lisa Carter Boba, where science meets soul. I want to ask you something, and I want you to sit with it before you answer. If you knew, really knew, that one year from now you would no longer be in your current role, what would you do differently starting tomorrow? Not because you're getting fired, not because something is falling apart, just because this season has an expiration date, because every season does. Think about it. Really think about it. Would you hold on to that grudge with your colleague? Would you keep putting off the conversation you know you need to have? Would you still be protecting your title more than your people? Would you still be sitting on that idea you've been too cautious to bring to the table? Would you still be managing perceptions instead of actually leading? Or would you finally lead the way you've always wanted to, without the noise? That's what this episode is about. What if you led like you were leaving? And I want to be clear, this isn't a morbid thought exercise. This is a liberation strategy. Because I believe the most honest, most impactful version of your leadership is trapped behind the assumption that you have unlimited time in the seat, and you don't. None of us do. Here's what I think happens to most of us when we step into leadership. We start acting like we're going to be here forever. And I don't mean that in a hopeful way. I mean it in a dangerous way. When you believe the role is permanent, you start playing defense. You protect your position instead of using it. You avoid the hard conversation because there's always next quarter. You water down your instincts because the risk feels too big when you've got something to lose. You start leading for sustainability when you should be leading for significance. And slowly, without even realizing it, the role starts leading you. Let me say that again. The role starts leading you. You stop asking, what does this team actually need from me? And start asking, what do I need to do to stay safe here? I see it all the time. Leaders who start with fire, with conviction, with a real point of view. And somewhere along the way, the fire got replaced with caution. Not because they stopped caring, but because they started accumulating status, reputation, comfort, a seat at the table they don't want to lose. And once you're protecting the seat, you're no longer free to do the work the seat was made for. That shift, invisible, and it's lethal. Not to your career, to your soul. Because deep down, you know when you're playing it safe. You know when you're editing yourself, you know when you're choosing comfort over conviction, and that quiet knowing that's the thing that erodes you from the inside. So what if we flipped it? What if instead of operating like this role is yours to keep, you operated like it was yours to complete? I'm not talking about leading with fear. I'm not talking about scarcity. I'm talking about something I call finite urgency, leading with the understanding that your window to make an impact in this seat is not unlimited, that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end to your time here. And you are somewhere in that arc right now. Most leaders never think about where they are in that arc. They operate like the middle lasts forever. It doesn't. Finite urgency changes everything. And I want to break down exactly how. First, it makes you honest. Because when you know your time is limited, you stop performing leadership and you start practicing it. You stop curating how you show up and start actually showing up. The pretense drops, the real conversations start. You say the thing you've been holding back, not recklessly, but because you realize that holding it back is costing more than saying it ever could. Second, it makes you generous. Because you're no longer hoarding influence, you're distributing it. You're building people up, not because it looks good on your review, but because when you leave, they need to be ready. You start thinking about your team's growth not as a nice to have, but as your primary responsibility. You shift from how do I stay indispensable to how do I make sure this works without me? And that's a fundamentally different kind of leadership. That's a leader who's building something that outlasts them. That's what we all should be striving for. Third, it makes you brave. Because the thing that keeps most leaders quiet, that fear of consequence, loses its power when you're not clinging to the chair. When you're not worried about what the next re-org means for you, you're free to advocate for your people. When you're not attached to looking good, you're free to tell the truth. And when the role is something you're completing rather than protecting, courage becomes the default, not the exception. Now, I want to push on something because I think most leadership advice gets this wrong. We're told to build for the long term. We're told that great leadership is about patience, consistency, endurance. And there's truth in that. I'm not arguing against commitment, but here's what I am arguing against: the idea that long-term thinking means slow action. Because what I see is that long-term thinking becomes a hiding place. It becomes the reason you don't have the conversation today, the reason you don't make the change this quarter, the reason you keep pushing the bold move to next year's strategic plan. We'll get there eventually. No, maybe you won't. Maybe eventually never comes because eventually is just a polite word for never. The leaders who change things, the ones people remember, the ones who leave a mark, they don't wait for the perfect moment. They operate with urgency inside the moment they have. Not panic, not frenzy, urgency. A clear-eyed understanding that this window is finite and the work matters now. Think about every leader you've admired, every one of them. I'm willing to bet that they had this quality. They moved like the moment mattered, because they understood that it did. Let me paint a picture for you. Imagine a leader. Let's call her Diane. Diane runs a department of about 40 people. She's been in the role for six years. She's competent, she's respected, she delivers, and she's also coasting. Not in a lazy way, but in a comfortable way. She knows the rhythms, she knows what senior leadership wants to hear, she knows how to navigate the politics without getting scratched. And she's built a very safe, very predictable operation. The kind of operation where nothing goes wrong, but also if she's honest, nothing extraordinary happens either. Then one day she finds out her company is restructuring. Her role might not exist in 12 months. The ground she's been standing on, the ground she thought was permanent, shifts underneath her. And something changes. But she doesn't panic. She doesn't spiral. She gets clear. She starts asking herself questions she hadn't asked in years. What have I been putting off? What conversations have I been avoiding? What does my team actually need from me that I haven't been giving them because I was too busy maintaining? And then she does something that surprises everyone, including herself. She calls a meeting with her team, not about the restructuring, not about timelines or transitions or logistics, about them. She asks every single person, What are you building toward? What have I not asked you that I should have? What do you need from me before I'm no longer the one sitting in this seat? The conversations that came out of that meeting are the most honest she's had in six years of leading that team. People cry, people thank her. One person tells her, I've been waiting for someone to ask me that my entire career. Another person says, I didn't even know what I was building toward until you asked. I stopped thinking about it because no one ever seemed to care. Six years. Six years she'd been in that seat. And it took the possibility of losing it for her to actually use it. And here's the part that wrecked me when I first heard a version of the story. Diane said afterward, I wasn't a better leader because I was leaving. I was a better leader because I stopped pretending I wasn't. We're all leaving. Every single one of us. Every role has an expiration date. The only question is whether we lead like we know it. Or whether we keep pretending the clock isn't running. Now let me give you the other side, because I think you need both. Imagine another leader. Let's call him James. James has been in his role for four years. He's good at what he does. He likes his team, his team likes him, his numbers are solid, and he has this idea, this vision for restructuring how his department collaborates for the rest of the organization. It would change the workflow. It would break some silos, it would be disruptive in the short term, but transformative in the long run. He's been sitting on it for two years. Two years. Because the timing wasn't right, because he didn't want to rock the boat before his review. Because he wasn't sure leadership would support it. Because, and this is the real reason. He was afraid that if he pushed it and it failed, he'd lose the credibility he'd spent four years building. So he waited and waited and refined the idea in his head until it was perfect, until conditions were ideal. Then James got promoted to a different division. New role, new team, new priorities. The idea never got pitched. The change never happened. And the team he left behind, they never even knew what they missed. They never knew their leader had a vision that could have changed their experience, but he chose to protect his position over pursuing it. James was not a bad leader. He was a careful one. And careful when it becomes a permanent state is just another word for stuck. Diane was freed by a deadline she didn't choose. James was imprisoned by a timeline he thought was infinite. Same trap. Different responses. And only one of them led like the moment mattered. So maybe you're with me on the concept, finite urgency. Lead like you're leaving, but you're wondering, what does this actually look like on a Monday morning? So let me make it concrete. It looks like having the conversation you've been avoiding. Not next month, this week. The feedback you've been softening so much it no longer means anything. Say the real version. With care, yes, with respect, absolutely, but say it. Because the kind version of you that keeps watering down the truth, that person isn't being kind. They're being comfortable. And your team can tell the difference. It looks like asking your people what they need from you and actually listening to the answer. Not a survey, not a skip level meeting with scripted questions, a real conversation where you sit with someone and say, What do you need from me that you're not getting? And then you don't defend yourself. You just listen. It looks like championing someone else's idea, even when it doesn't benefit you directly. Because when you're not protecting your seat, you're free to amplify other people's voices. You're free to say, This isn't my idea, it's hers, and it's better than anything I would have come up with. And it looks like making the bold decision, the one that's been sitting in your gut without waiting for perfect conditions. Because perfect conditions are a myth. The right time to lead with courage was probably months ago. The second best time is right now. So here's what I want to leave you with. Five questions. And I don't want you to answer them as who you are today. I want you to answer them as if your last day in your current role is 12 months from today. 365 days. That's it. Ready? One, what conversation have you been avoiding? And what is it costing your team every day you don't have it? Two, who on your team is ready for more? And what are you doing about it? Not next quarter, not at the next review cycle, right now. What opportunity are you creating for them this week? Three, if your team described your leadership in one word after you left, one word, that's all they get, what would that word be? And is that the word you want? Because if there's a gap between the word they choose and the word you want, that gap is your work. Four, what part of your leadership is about your ego and what part is about your impact? I want you to be painfully honest with yourself on this one. Because those two things feel the same from the inside, but they look very different from the outside. Your team knows which one is driving, even if you don't. Five, if you led for the next 12 months with nothing to protect and nothing to prove, what would you do differently starting Monday? Whatever just came to mind, that's your answer. Don't edit it, don't rationalize it away. That instinct, that's the leader you're supposed to be, trying to get your attention. I didn't create this episode to scare you. I created it to free you. Because the most powerful version of your leadership is one that isn't attached to your title. It's the one that shows up when the title doesn't matter anymore. It's the version of you that leads because it's who you are, not because of the position you hold. That's what it means to lead soul to soul, not role to role, not org chart to org chart, not title to title, soul to soul. You don't need a restructuring to lead this way. You don't need a crisis or a countdown or someone to tell you your role is changing. You just need to stop pretending you have forever, because you don't. And that's not a loss. That is your power. The leaders who change things, the ones who leave a mark on the people around them, they don't lead like they're permanent. They lead like every day counts, because it does. Lead like you're leaving, not someday, not when conditions are right, not when you've got nothing left to lose. Starting now. Thank you for being here. I mean that. Every time you press play on this podcast, you're choosing to go deeper, and that tells me something about who you are and the kind of leader you're becoming. If this episode hits you somewhere real, I have a favor to ask. Share it. Send it to a leader you believe in, send it to someone who needs to hear this today. Tag me, screenshot it, text it to your group chat, however you share it, just get it into the hands of someone who's ready for it. And if you haven't already, take two seconds and hit subscribe. Hit follow, leave a rating or a review. Those small things, they actually make a massive difference in helping the show reach more people who are hungry for this kind of conversation. And if you want to go deeper with me, if you want more of these conversations, more frameworks, more of the real talk about leadership and what it means to lead from your humanity, come find me on Substack. It's soul to soul leadership.com. I'm building something special over there, and I want you to be a part of it. Until next time, not roll to roll, soul to soul. I'm Dr. Lisa Carterbawa. See you next Monday.