Ep 1: Starting Strong: Why We Launched Marriage Hot Takes

We share who we are, how our blended family began overnight, and the honest work it took to avoid becoming a statistic. The hot take lands simply: statistics don’t end marriages, disengagement does, and small daily choices can pull you back together.

• why we launched Marriage Hot Takes and what to expect
• our blended family origin and early chaos
• near-stat breakup years and stubborn persistence
• daily prayer habit born from a 30-day challenge
• the power of a monthly marriage group
• common struggles most couples share but hide
• rituals that re-engage connection and trust
• commitment to practical takeaways each week
• hot take: disengagement, not data, ends marriages

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It really helps us reach more couples

Transcript

Welcome And Purpose

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Hey everyone, welcome to Marriage Hot Takes, the podcast where we have honest conversations about marriage while it's still hot.

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We're Erin and Kim, and we're so glad you're here.

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This isn't about being perfect, having it all together, or pretending marriage is easy.

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It's about real life, real love, real struggles, real growth, and learning how to choose each other every single day.

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We'll talk about communication, conflict, faith, intimacy, expectations, and everything in between.

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So whether your marriage is in a great season or a hard one, you're not alone. Let's get into today's hot take.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Welcome to Marriage Hot Takes. Thank you for joining us today. I'm your host, Aaron Degler, along with my wife Kim Degler. We will be your host in this show as we share some hot takes in marriage.

Our Story And Blended Family

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Um, today is really just about an introduction of who we are, what we're going to do with our podcast, and what kind of things you have to look forward to. Kind of the reason why we started, um, you know, why we did, um, kind of how long we've been married, kind of all the background. And so that way you kind of know who you're listening to each week. We'll have a new episode out every week. Um, so um, Kim, what do you have to say?

SPEAKER_01 1:20

I'm excited about what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

So, as you'll find that sometimes I'll lobber over so a question, it'll catch her off guard and she might be awkward, might say something, who knows what? Uh just like a circus trick. Like a circus trick. So you just never know. Uh, we will uh just roll with it. Uh it's nothing scripted. We have an idea every week of what we want to share, what we want to talk about, um, kind of our experiences and how we've uh uh dealt with it, handled with it. Um, and we'll kind of go from there. So a little bit about us. Uh we've been married for 21 years.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Almost 22.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Almost 22, not uh not far off from 22 years. Um for for both of us, this is our second marriage.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Um we um have together we have four kids.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

And when we got married, they were little.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

They were little. Um from two to six. Two to six. Uh so we're blended family. Um so we're just gonna kind of share really what we've learned in those 22.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Almost 22 years.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Yeah, almost 22

Near-Stat Breakups And Hard Lessons

SPEAKER_02 2:27

years. Um a lot. A lot. From being a blended family to the things we the challenges we've had as a couple, um, challenges we've had as a family, as a blended family, um, really statistics show that uh both of us be in our second marriage that we're really second marriages are um have a 70% divorce rate. Um and so and within the first couple of years, we're almost one of those stats. Um and we have worked on our marriage over the last 22 years.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

And we we've well, we might not have worked on it for 22 years.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

We've been in it for 22 full years.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

We've been in it for 22 years. I don't know that you could say we worked on it for 22 full years.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

You're probably right. It's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's maybe half.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Yeah, probably so. We've worked on it a good eleven years.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Yeah. Probably 11 years. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Maybe more.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

Yeah. But but looking back since we have done work on our marriage, um, we can we can better pinpoint some areas um that we had trouble with.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

That we were really some heated discussions, arguments.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Um and but just well, and just raising kids, being married or being second marriage. Um you know, when you're raising a family and you're married, obviously, I mean sometimes you're not, but it's hard. I mean, those are hard things. You've got little ones to to deal with and and just to try to make it through that in itself is a challenge.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

And and so we're gonna share those things. Um really f we're we're gonna different experiences we've had. Um, you know, we our like you you said our kids were two to six when we got married. Um so we got married and we instantly had a family of four.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Four kids, so a family six, but four, I mean, like the next morning we had four kids to feed breakfast two.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

And like literally our our the morning after we have a picture of our kids sitting around the table eating powdered donuts.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

That's all I knew how to feed them.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

I mean, it was okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

What do I do with these?

SPEAKER_02 4:52

We were both in our late 20s. Yes. Um, when we uh got married to each other, um, and so we're both now in early 50s. In our early 50s. Yeah. And there's been a lot of space uh between those in those years, a lot of growing and learning. Um and and as we'll share as we we talk about different experiences we've had. As we say we've worked on our marriage, um we've been able to work on our marriage because we have worked on ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Um is is a is a big thing um that we've really worked hard on.

Marriage Group And Daily Prayer

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Um you know, and and I think probably since our kids have moved out, um our last one moved out.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Our last one's moved out in 2020.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Yeah. So in those years too, we've been able to work on ourselves more, um, work on our definitely work on our marriage more. Yes. Yes. Um, and again, um as we'll we'll share that it's future, you know, um the seasons we went through um with kids and um without kids being empty nesters. Um we you know, so we're gonna just share some of those. And we feel um when it comes to marriage, we've been having a marriage group for the last five years. Five years?

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Five years. We thought it was six, but it's five. We started in 2021.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

So January 2021. So it's five five years.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Um and we started with a group of friends. Um, we have um a couple other couples that we um initially started out. We met once a week for about a 12-week period and kind of worked out.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

We went through a whole lesson.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Went through a whole lesson, a whole series, a chip ingram, um, actually God's dream for your marriage. Um, and it was just it was wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yes.

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And it really helped us um understand each other a little bit better.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Um, and then after we got done that 12-week series, then during it it at the very beginning of that 12-week series is when we started praying together. Mm-hmm every night. And we have done that every night since then.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

So so one of the challenges that we had was um, I think it was Chip Ingram I put in the in the in his um in the notes was to pray together. Yes. Um, and and so we took that the challenge really for 30 days. Yes, it was a 30-day challenge. To do it for 30 days every day, um, out loud.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Out loud. Um join hands out loud hands out loud to each other.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

And so an interesting thing about that, um, so Kim and I were before we started, we were discussing about who would, you know, every football game has a colored guy and has a stats guy, and she and we kind of decided that she'd be the color person because you're just not sure what she's gonna say, and I'd be more of the stat guy.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Um, so stats again show that that Christian married couples um that pray out loud together um have so if if you take if you know first divorces are 50% over, second divorces 70% over, um third divorce third marriages are even higher than that. Um you can take all of those by praying together out loud. Christian married couples can bring that down to 1%.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

1%.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

1% of uh 1% divorce rate. Right. And with with another stat saying that only 4% of married Christian couples pray together out loud. Um and and and we don't share us doing that because we feel we're special, we just share it because we're not because we're not, as you'll find out.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Um and our prayers aren't always formal.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

No, they go, you know, they're just kind of all over the place all over the place.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

They're whatever we're feeling that at that moment.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Yes, yeah, and and but we've been doing it for every day. We it was a third-day challenge, and we just kept on doing it. Um and we haven't we, you know, as long as we're together, um, which we're very rarely apart, um in the evenings, and we pray together.

Shared Struggles Couples Hide

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Um, and and we've continued that marriage group. Afterwards, they wanted uh to continue to have it, so we meet once a month. Um, and it's it's very powerful. Um, it makes a difference in all of our lives. Uh it's it's one of those non-negotiable um dates that we have once a month. We always have it on a set day, on a set um, like the first Wednesday of every month, we have it. And we get together and we share, uh, I usually uh lead and share a topic and we talk about and discuss our struggles and how um it works, doesn't work, how's that look in real life? And that's kind of uh we we find that a lot of married couples have the same issues that we've had over the 20 years, uh 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Right. And I think with both of our um work history or what you know like I worked occupations, whatever that's called when you have to work. Uh like I worked um doing hair for over for 20 years. Well, 20 over 20 years when you add in the second. Yes. Anyway, um I think when you talk to those people, just like you talk to people every day as well now, when you hear people talk, they all have the same problems. It's all it's the same problems. Every no one's immune to it. We all have the same issues. Some are bigger than others, but and we find that people don't they don't share it with each other. No typically they share it with us because um a personal trainer and doing hair, doing hair you know, close relationship really is the way they feel. It's one-on-one. And someone they feel like they can talk to it so they think they're at therapy. So they're more apt to open up in those um circumstances and and come to find out that I mean everybody kind of shares some of those same problems that in their marriages.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

And and that's kind of our goal is to to take some of those and and help people realize, um, those listening that you're not alone. It's not just you. Um, it's not just you struggling with your marriage of waking up when the kids are gone saying,

Work, Sacrifice, And Not Drifting

SPEAKER_02 11:02

Who is this woman beside me? Who's this man beside me?

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Meaning when they're gone and they've moved out.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Yes. And that was always one of our goals when the kids were growing up, is that we didn't want to, when they left, look at each other and just be like, I don't even know who you are. Because I think that that happens so many times because you put your whole identity, especially for moms, we put our whole identity into our kids of making sure they get here and get there and they'll be all the practices and all the, you know, and we take care of all that and that that becomes who we are. And then when they leave, we don't necessarily know who we are. And then we look over at the person sitting in the chair next to us and think, Who is even that? And I don't even know if I like you. And it we didn't want to be that way.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Because we we saw that in other people we knew. Um and we decided that pretty early on, yeah, that that we didn't want that. And it it takes work.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah, it's not been easy.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

And and so hopefully through our conversations each week, you'll the listener will realize that it it's a lot of work. If you see a marriage that is working, it's not because it's working by accident. It's working because the the two involved are putting a lot of work into it. It's kind of like if you see a a person that is fit, it they didn't just happen like that. Yeah. They put a lot of work into that. They put a lot of work into that. You need to commend them. And and a lot of work and a lot of sacrifices. Yes. Um, and just as we've done, there's a lot of sacrifices um that to to be able to not be uh statistic, a stat. Statistic. Statistic. Uh a stat um that we were we were really headed that way for sure. The first couple years.

Transparency, Topics, And Format

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Yeah. And it was, and I mean, quite honestly, to be honest, the only thing that was our saving grace in the first two years, we were both stubborn. Um, and neither one one does, you know, throw in the towel.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Throw in the towel and say, Hey, you were all right.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Everyone was right.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

We weren't gonna make it. Right. I mean, when we when we did get married, there were many that said, you know, you're not gonna make it, it's not gonna work out. All the reasons um we didn't, and being in our late 20s, we didn't really listen to any advice. Any advice because we knew better at 28. Sure, we did. Yeah, yeah. So we know better.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Yeah, and so we were just um hard-headed. That's how we're here.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

That I mean it's a long way.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

I mean, there's a lot of works, a lot of times we see people um where they're at and go, I want to be there. Uh, but do you want to go through everything we went through to get there? So our goal really is to share some of those, some of that wisdom. Um that we've learned. That we've learned. It it did, and it came a lot of all most of it came the hard way. From trial and error. Yeah. That's the worst. And then again, then we feel nobody really shares with each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Yeah, they like to keep that under the rug.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Yeah, married couples, and and so we're gonna there's a lot of times we're gonna be transparent and open um because that's how we share what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Um and to open a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Huh? To open a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Yeah, to open a conversation. Instead of saying these are the things you should do without giving you examples from us and how it worked.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

And and to make you hopeful that you're y'all, you're not the only one that struggles in those, you know, in certain areas. It Pete, I mean, I know there are some that probably have gotten married and they have had just the best life and never any problems, but that wasn't us. And the majority of people don't live that way. There are real life problems.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

And there will be people that um everything's rosy.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah. And so then this may not be the that's good for them.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Yeah, this may not be the place. You might want to tune out because we're gonna talk about, I mean, everything from dating your spouse to sex with your spouse to um encouraging your spouse to growing with your spouse to all those different things, how they look, because they're all part of a relationship.

unknown 15:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

They're all part of our marriage that we have to work on every aspect, and we'll also share the things that we've worked on separately um to to work on ourselves to come back to a marriage uh stronger, um, because it makes a big difference on how we approach it. So that's kind of um kind of the road we're gonna take you on with marriage hot takes. Um, so and and each week we'll kind of leave you the hot take because we'll say a lot of words, um, and sometimes there'll be awkward words. Uh but uh every week we'd like to leave you with something, and that's kind of always our goal, something that you can take away from this um and apply it. Apply because what good is it if you listen to all this for 20, 30 minutes and and don't know what to take from it to apply? And so that's kind of our goal is to share some of our experiences and at the end just say, this is a hot take you can take with you and apply it into your marriage or apply it to yourself. Um, and and as we as you'll see over the over our course of our time together, that if you take some of these hot takes and apply them into your life, to your marriage, you'll start to see some changes. Um all these are a combination of really the last 10 or 11 years that we've really worked on it. Um, so don't think it was an overnight and we still and and we still have a long way to go. We do. We still have a long way to go.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

You still, I mean, we do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Because in our marriage group, Kim always says, Do all those things.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

She's the perfect thing. I am perfect. I don't, I mean, everything that has been said, I'm always like, Yeah, I do that. I I mean, I don't really have any marriage problems. I'm the perfect.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

You're the perfect, you're the perfect wife.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

I do it all.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

It's all on me.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah. So I mean, I

The Hot Take: Re-Engage

SPEAKER_01 17:03

fixed it all, but he's still working on it.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

I'm still working on it. So you can join in and see how perfection looks like.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

I mean, all that to be said, I do look over it at you and I am glad that we're still married. I'm glad that you're still there.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

I'm glad you're still there.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

And and and you'll see through a green course of our conversation, because of Kim's growth, this podcast has happened. Because when I approached her about it, it was really a yes. Yeah. Which really shocked me. And that was not too long ago, just a few months ago, and I thought I'd be like, Most things are normally uh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

We'll have to see about that.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

And it was a quick yes. Yeah. And then she kept on me about when we're gonna do it, when are we gonna start?

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Yeah, I did. I did. I think it was important.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

And so each week, uh Kim will share a hot take with us.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

And she will read it.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

And she will read it so that way the only scripted part of the only script will be the hot take that you get to take with you. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Are you ready for the hot take?

SPEAKER_02 18:01

I'm ready for the hot take. Bring it.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

This week's hot take. Statistics don't end marriages, disengagement does.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

When we disengage with the other person um is what happens and you become a stat. It's not the stats, it's the disengagement. And so our hope is through listening um that we can re-engage you in your marriage. Um and all the little aspects, all the little aspects that we can re-engage. So thanks for joining us on our first show. That's about all we got. Um, we're gonna have a whole bunch of other topics coming up. We just kind of want to introduce ourselves, um, share who we are, what we are, and and kind of get that out of the way and move on to the next one. You have any roll on.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

I don't think we're supposed to say that.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

That was not it.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

And sometimes uh if you stay till the end, you never know what you're gonna get. Um, so it's always a fun time. So uh thank you for joining us on Marriage Hot Takes, and we'll look forward to seeing you later.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Thanks so much for spending this time with us on Marriage Hot Takes.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

We hope today's conversation encouraged you, challenged you, and gave you something practical to take back into your marriage.

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Remember, strong marriages aren't built in one big moment, they're built in small, intentional choices made every day. If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. Until next time, keep choosing each other, and we'll see you for the next hot take.