Ep 10: What We Got Wrong Early in Our Marriage

We get honest about the ways we’ve gotten marriage wrong, from comparison and selfishness to leaving expectations unspoken. We share what’s helped us grow, including setting a plan for our marriage and learning to fight fair so small conflicts don’t turn into big damage.
• Comparing each other to past marriages and how “that’s not how we did it” sparks fights 
• Small daily annoyances turning into huge blowups 
• Learning better communication through “It Made Me Feel” language 
• Naming expectations and setting marriage goals on purpose 
• Navigating work hours, resentment and different interpretations of effort 
• Using counseling, friends and practical tools to keep improving 
If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about. And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples.

Transcript

Welcome And What We Share

SPEAKER_04 0:05

Hey everyone, welcome to Marriage Hot Takes, the podcast where we have honest conversations about marriage while it's still hot.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

We're Erin and Kim, and we're so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_04 0:13

This isn't about being perfect, having it all together, or pretending marriage is easy.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

It's about real life, real love, real struggles, real growth, and learning how to choose each other every single day.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

We'll talk about communication, conflict, faith, intimacy, expectations, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

So whether your marriage is in a great season or a hard one, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_04 0:36

Let's get into today's hot take. Welcome back to Marriage Hot Takes. Thank you for joining us today. I'm your host, Erin, along with my wife Kim. Um, thank you for joining us. Uh each week we just like to share a little bit about our marriage of almost 22 years, um, some of the good, the bad, and what worked, what didn't, um, and all the things in between. And hopefully each time we'll leave you with a hot take that you can take right from this episode into your relationship, into your marriage, um, to start a conversation, um, maybe a conversation of change, of improvement of whatever it may be for your relationship. Um, over our 22 years, um, we've had a perfect marriage.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

It's been perfect.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

Imperfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Oh, I thought you said perfect.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

That's like imperfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

No, I said perfect.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

Oh, I thought I said perfect, and you go imperfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

No, I was saying perfect as well. Okay, it's been perfect the whole time.

SPEAKER_04 1:33

Perfect. Um, so we don't um we basically uh quite honestly, um, we sit down and talk about a few topics.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

Um, we uh get a hot take, and that is about as far as we go.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

And and that's from your list of topics and mine, and then we just pick and choose what we're feeling.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

Yeah, and then we just sit down and we're just gonna roll with it. So um, so that's why sometimes what'd you say? I don't know. Um, but um hopefully you can tell we are kidding about our perfect marriage.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

We don't.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

Um, we don't. Um, not even close.

Early Mistakes And Comparisons

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Um, we're gonna talk about quite the opposite today of a perfect marriage. Uh we're gonna talk about uh some of the things we got wrong. Um and we have to say some because um we only have a limited amount of time. Yeah, um, so we can't list all the things because we have so many things that we got wrong.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

In the beginning.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

In the beginning. Um I mean, there's still things we get wrong now. Um I mean, uh there is.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

I know, but you were like, no, I was not.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

No, I was listening to the this oven in there making my bread. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

As we started this, she was, do I have time to get my bread done while we're filming?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I said, I needed to bake a loaf of bread.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

Yeah. Um so we're gonna just share a little bit about um some of the things we got wrong. Um, some of the challenges, big challenges we had. Um and and so one of those early on was open-ended questions.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Uh well, so we are both this is our second marriage. And so when we got married, we both, since it had been our second marriage, had experience from what we had known before.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

Because both of us have been married uh eight years. Yeah. Um, prior to us getting married.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Yes. And so then you're it's it was very hard to not be like, that is not the way we do it. For each of us to say it that way.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

I mean, to be more um not just you would be saying that's not the way he did it.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

And I'd be saying that's not the way she did it.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yes, that is the words that were said in the first year of marriage.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

Yeah. It wasn't even we.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

No, it wasn't. It was just that he didn't do it that way. And same that you would say to me, you know, you know, that's not the way she did the laundry, or you know, whatever. Well, I'm I don't know what to tell you. And that would spark a a fight.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

And and when we say we want to say some of the things we did wrong, we did them so wrong that really um our first couple years of marriage, um we always talk about it's a miracle we stayed together because both of us probably thought about it wasn't a miracle, it was that we were hard-headed. Hard-headed, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

That we were gonna stay married and we had kids that we couldn't do that again.

SPEAKER_04 4:31

But the thoughts constantly came in that yeah, like why am I doing this?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah, this is not what I had hoped for, which is what it basically was. It was not what either of us had hoped for. And hoped it would be.

SPEAKER_04 4:47

And I think when we say that, I think um the uh we said would say comparison.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Um was what we did wrong, uh big time. Yeah. Um I mean, and it, I mean, every relationship, whether however you leave a relationship, has good things in it.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Um, you might have left because there's some the the bad things outweighed um the good things, but they're still good things. And so I think there's still that comparison of, well, that's not the way we did it as a family, or that's not the way she did it. And and simple things, um, whether it's folding laundry, mowing the grass, being handy. Um I mean, I am not handy at all. Um and you came from a handyman. A handyman. Um and and a handy dad. Yeah, and a handy dad.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

So it was it was foreign for me to be with someone who who honestly didn't know anything about being handy at all.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

And and and when we and so we moved out in the country, and I'm a city kid. Yes, like I I what I mean, I hadn't lived out in the country since I was like seven years old.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Um and I have always lived in the house.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

I mean, because we literally live a tenth of a mile down from the house you grew up in um now.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

So for you, that's like what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 6:14

And that and that's not an interview question I got on um uh the speed dating.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

No, I didn't ask you that way.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

We didn't ask, are you handy? We didn't speed date.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I mean, that that's just a small, I mean, just something very small, but even though it might be something small, it seemed so large.

SPEAKER_04 6:35

And and and and the small things really caused the biggest fights, fights. Um what was and it was also our communication.

Communication Shifts Toward Feelings

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Um which wasn't good, but you know, I well, and I don't know. But I think as we have got I think as we have gotten older for sure, we our communication has gotten better, but we also have worked on that.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

And I mean for instance, uh, we had an a disagreement a few couple of weeks ago. And we both were good, I feel like, about the way we argued the point of that.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Because used to, if we were argument out, you would you you would say something, and I would say something right back, and it would include the words, well, you never did this, you never, well, because you never and it would always be those words like that. And so I do feel like that we've grown a lot, that our we can stifle the argument quickly.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

And and I think some of our words that we used that day were it made me feel this way.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Yes, that's exactly how we resolved that.

SPEAKER_04 7:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Oh, it was just right here. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

It's all right. You don't you don't have to make out with the mic, you can just uh talk.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I just it wasn't there.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

That's why if you're listening to this on audio, you gotta watch the video because you just never know. Um what I was surprised by it. Yeah. Hello there. Um and and so it was it was more we were having a discussion about this. Your reaction made me feel this way. Um, it wasn't necessarily blame laying blame. Um, we were just really trying to um convey convey how we felt about it.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Yes. Um not necessarily that we wanted to fight about it. I just I needed you to understand how I felt and you needed me to understand how you felt.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

And and and to be clear about the things we've done wrong, um that to get to that conversation took us well over probably an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yes. To get to that conversation for the part of you made me feel from the time the conversation started. Yes. Yes, the argument.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Uh, it was a good hour and a half.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

Yes. And and and and and to be clear, there was no conversation.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

There was nothing in between that.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

And it wasn't like we were in the house and go to separate rooms.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

We were on a date.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

We were on a date in a vehicle together, and this happened right before we left on the date.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

And we didn't speak until Denton.

SPEAKER_04 9:24

And and it was about an hour and a half. Um, because some may not know where that's at, but yes, it was about an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Well, yes, because we got stuck in traffic. So we were stuck. Not only did we drive, but then we just were stopped on on uh on what is that an interstate.

SPEAKER_04 9:40

What is I-35. No, a 380.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

380. We were stopped on 380, just sitting in complete silence besides the radio.

SPEAKER_04 9:48

Yes. So I mean, we are not we are far from perfect. Yes. We all the things we're doing. If you're looking for perfect, people really working on it.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Yeah, if you're looking, we're not the perfect.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

No.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

And we're still working.

SPEAKER_04 10:00

And that's a date we'd both been looking forward to.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Because we don't go on much dates anymore. And things we try to go once a month. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

And things just kind of went sideways. Real fast. Real fast that day when I got home, and it just um I mean, we we're not gonna go over it again. No, we're not. I could have, I could have said things better. I could have said things better, we could have done it better.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Yeah. Um, but we did get there quicker, yes, yeah, yes, we did.

SPEAKER_04 10:23

Um, before in our younger years, that would have taken probably days.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Yes, for sure. With a lot of colorful language in between.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Yes, yes, a lot of color.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

And there was no colorful language. No, and it was calm there wasn't and quiet for a while.

SPEAKER_04 10:39

For a while, yes. Um, so we do have our discussions, yeah. Um, but yeah, I mean, um forgot where we were. Communication. Yeah. Um sorry, communication has gotten better, um, but still it was a very much of a challenge um then and really has been. I mean, it's it's not early we got it wrong early on. Yeah. Um it I mean, we've had times where it's it's been challenging.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:11

Um what else did we get wrong?

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Well, I have given you the last two, I feel like, so I feel like it's time for you to come up with one.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

Now you put me.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah, that's how open-ended questions, when you give me too many of them, I'll just give them back to you.

SPEAKER_04 11:25

You just toss me back the ball.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Toss it right back to you. I've already I've already given you my answer. So now it's your turn.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

Um, I mean, there there's a really a lot of things that we got wrong.

Expectations And Marriage Goals

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Um I I I don't think we necessarily talked about our expectations.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:48

Um, we just kind of allowed life to dictate what was going on.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah, and you know, don't you think that I I mean, like I always say a lot of times, I feel like before you have a baby you should be able to take a class and pass a test.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

I kind of support a life.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah. I do feel like the same about marriages. Like you should really, you know, the first time when we the your first marriage, my first marriage, you went to the preacher's that to talk to you a couple sessions. Yeah, you got some premarital counseling.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

But I do feel like um it would be beneficial to be in some like real life situations, or what are your plans for your marriage? You know, what what are some of your goals? What is your gonna be your mission statement? What are some of these things that you would never think about when you're about to get married? But if you did, that would save a lot of you knew the direction that you were going and you had agreed on that already. And I feel like um we were selfish.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

Oh, very much so.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And so when we were young and selfish, and then get married, and um we're that we have no real path that we want to follow of this is how we want to be. So I feel like it was just uh a free-for-all.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

I mean, and and I mean when we talk about things we got wrong, we we were really um things we were doing wrong from the get-go because, like you said, we were selfish um thinking about ourselves when we got married. Um, we really weren't thinking about the kids and the blended family and all of us, again, because we didn't plan out what do we want. No. Um, so whether there was no plan. So whether you're just getting married um or have been married for a while, um kind of what would be the goal for your marriage? Yeah. Um be because you know, w we do um we have fitness, and so we're always saying, What's your goal for fitness? Whether it's to run, to walk, to lift weights, to have a certain body type, a weight, we we set goals for all those. Um, but when was the last time you set a goal or an intention for your marriage?

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Um we've talked about before legacy marriage. Um, we want to leave a legacy as as people, we want to leave legacy to our kids, but what kind of legacy do you want your marriage to leave? Um and and we had none no, I mean, we were just trying to, as we mentioned before, just trying to get by um in life. Not not to mention our marriage. What what what do we want to look like? How do we want to act towards each other? How do we want to resolve conflict? How do we want to uh make plans? How do all those things that um we do more of now? We have a a plan for our marriage and uh part of part of uh our plan and and being intentional about it is is this podcast. Yes. Um, we want to um share our experiences, um, but it also helps us.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Um, because we get to talk these things out. And and and even after um, prior to start recording, we have conversations about what we're gonna talk about. And even after we we even continue to talk, we have a little recap. A little recap. Yeah. So it's not just helping each of you, it's really um helping us. Yeah. As as we talk those out loud. Um, but definitely I think to have a goal, have a plan, have an intention with your marriage. What what are you looking for? You know, a lot of times we set career goals in five years. I want to be here in 10 years. Where do you want to be in two years of your marriage?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah, and you can do that at any point in your marriage. I mean, if you've been married, if you just got married, if you've been married five years, ten years, twenty years, forty years, I mean sit down and have those discussions of where do, like you said, where do you want to be in how do we want this to look in five years? What is the ultimate plan there?

SPEAKER_04 15:50

And and for us, I mean, um, just this um this year, beginning of the year, we did a uh marriage commitment. Mary commit marriage commitment. And it has had five or six things on it um that we wanted to do on a daily basis, weekly basis, um, for our marriage this year. Um and they were nothing big. It was share a blessing, pray together, um, go on a date, um, different things.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I mean, not go on a date once a month, which is what we did last time. What we did last month.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

Or yeah, and this month. And and we had a yeah, that's when we It went sideways. Yeah, it went sideways. Um, but it but again, it it's kind of what do we want our marriage to look like this year? And it drives us towards the bigger, um, bigger goal if we want to be more connected, we want to be um more spiritual together, we want to be just um just growing our our relationship with each other, with God um as a as a married couple. Um what else do you think we got wrong? Another uh an open-ended question. You're gonna say, Well, I already answered two, and you only answered one.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

So well, and I I think I went ahead and gave the third one. I took it in and said selfish.

SPEAKER_04 16:56

Oh, yeah. So we just wanted to share a couple things that um we got I I mean, if we say early on, it makes it sound like we got a lot after that.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah, that we've gotten it right ever since. No, and and and we've still had um, and I think the longer you're married, you just have issues be come up because um I mean, like I would say now, uh not just early on in our marriage, but what did you get wrong?

Work Tension And Unspoken Resentment

SPEAKER_00 17:25

What have we gotten wrong in our marriage? I would say a lot of time, you know, a big thing for me was I know I said, you know, before that you didn't work, that you were a student, but when you did start working, you have worked long hours, long days. And that was always very hard for me. And it always kind of created a tension or a lot of times would spark a fight just because I would be like, and he's at work, and when can you come home? And that was always not saying that you got that wrong because that's what you had to do for what we were doing, but in my mind, I felt like that was your choice that I'm just gonna stay up here and work. You can stay at home and take care of all the kids, and that was a hard thing.

SPEAKER_04 18:17

And again, it's not necessarily um wrong as in doing, but wrong as in the understanding. Right. Or coming from a different place of I looked at it as providing yes, and you were for the family, yes. And then and you looked at, well, you want you'd rather be at work than at home.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

Um like I'm here swimming with the kids here, and then it goes back to communication, and we probably didn't communicate those feelings. Um I I I I come home resentful because I don't feel you're grateful enough.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Right.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Um, and then you're resentful to me because you think I don't care enough.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

Um, so and it and it just causes tension.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:53

Um, because again, it's unspoken words sometimes and actions that cause the biggest um conflicts.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Um, and and as we go from different seasons, there's things we have to learn um from a house full of kids to just two kids home. Yeah. Um to just you and I home. Um it's again, find that balance. Um, and I think you go through seasons of a good flow of everything kind of going good, you're connecting.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

Um, and there's just seasons where it's a little bit more challenging.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Um, and I think early on we wouldn't have we would have said, that's her problem, or that's his problem. Um whereas now we we we'll talk about it. Um and see, you know, what's going on, what's you know, how can we help each other.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

How can we come together on that?

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Yeah. Um but I mean, what we could go on on about the different things I mean we talk we do. We we talk about often about how and again I mean, there's no book on well, there's tons of books on how to be a good parent, how to be a good spouse. Um but they're all simply suggestions.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:05

Um, and and you can follow them and just like we're talking, they're they're simply suggestions in what worked for us. Uh, there's no guidebook that said if you follow this uh guidebook, you'll have a successful, happy, long marriage.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Right. Do all these things. You know, because if there were a because you know, I like to make sure everything's it's the way. So if there was something like that, I could just check it off and be like, okay, I did that. Okay, I did that. That would be easy.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

And a lot of times if we check that box, we go, well, I never have to do that again.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

But all the things that that we talk about each week is really things that are

Counseling Tools And Fighting Fair

SPEAKER_04 20:42

continually worked on. Um, so I would definitely encourage um have a couple friends that you talk about um marital things. Yeah. Um, because you I mean, you may not um be having just because you have uh marital counseling or anything, doesn't mean that there's necessarily anything wrong. No, you know, um it's actually a benefit.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah. I listened to uh Chip Ingram and um he talks a lot about early in their marriage that they went to marital counseling, and it wasn't necessarily that the marriage was going wrong, they needed it to continue to go right. And he shares a lot of the advice that he was given all those years ago that is still uh viable today, relatable today. And I I think that a lot, like that doesn't when you hear someone say we're in counseling, that doesn't mean oh I should pray for them. It's just like uh But that's our first thought. Yes, it's just like someone else saying they're going to counseling as an individual. They're just going to counseling to be a better version of themselves. Maybe you're going to marital counseling to show up better for your spouse. Or to show up better for God as a married couple. Um, and that's why you're doing it. And and so you can have more tools and tips, just like we talked about uh what you follow on TikTok.

SPEAKER_04 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

The divorce guy.

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

And I'm always like, somebody's gonna see your algorithm one day and think, I think he must have wanted a divorce because he follows this divorce guy.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

Because I I follow a lawyer that is a high-profile divorce lawyer, but he talks about all the things that went wrong in people's marriages. And he really shares about how you can correct those. It's very, very interesting. It's if you want to find out what not to do, yeah, and you can find out what do the opposite.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Do the opposite.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

And and I think when you talked about Chip Ingram, one of the biggest things um was five years ago for our marriage when we did a marriage group of um God's dream for your marriage with Chip Ingram. It was a 12 um 12 session series, but it talked about how do you fight fair, how do you how do you communicate, how do you um and and it was a huge, and those are things that that he learned uh when he was that when he they went for marriage counseling.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

And I don't think that people think about how you fight fair because when you're in a fight, you're not thinking about fighting. I'm gonna win. I'm going to win.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Last man standing.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yes, and I will be the one.

SPEAKER_04 23:17

And you forget, I love that person.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

You do forget that, and then that's when those words of you never and you always and you you do this, and those are the words that can't you can't take those back because it will never be that they always have done that or that they have never done that, because that's not accurate. I could say, you always put me last. You don't always, you might have that day, but that doesn't mean you always do. But that's what we have a tendency to say. And so one of his things is, you know, words that you shouldn't say to fight fair, because those are not fair words.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

And so we we hope that you listen. And um, because the things we talk about, take them in your marriage. Your marriage can be um good, but there's always things um again, just because you go to counseling doesn't mean it's a bad relationship. Just means how can I make it better?

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yeah. I mean, I feel we're good, but again, I mean, I feel like we're better than we ever have.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

Oh, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

We definitely had a a dumb argument on date night that we didn't speak for an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

So And we probably hadn't been on a date in a couple months.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Yeah. So I mean, it still happens. It they're stinky.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

And and we still have a lot of I mean, I mean, we talk about the lot of work we gotta do. Yeah. Um and how we can improve.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

Yeah.

Hot Take On Feeling Unheard

SPEAKER_04 24:41

Um, so each uh each week we're gonna leave you with a hot take, the only scripted thing that we have. Um, and that is Kim's um job on this show, is to come up with the hot take and read it out.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Today's hot take. You don't fight about the dishes, you fight about feeling unheard. And that's really what it boils down to is you weren't hearing me say, and I wasn't hearing you say, because maybe we didn't say it.

SPEAKER_04 25:16

Mm-hmm. Or it's just so true. It's it's it's not about the dishes, it's not about the things undone or overdone or not said, it's really the unheard. It is, it's it's feeling unheard about about being in a relationship, and those are the things that really affect the marriages. And we think it's the dishes. And when we say dishes, it's we think it's that small thing.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

Yeah, dishes being anything small, taking out the trash. I mean, that could be uh in honesty.

SPEAKER_04 25:45

Giving the kids a bath.

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Giving the kids a bath. That could be the final straw in a lot of uh, or that has been the final straw in a lot of marriages is I could not do the bathtime by myself one more time. And that's how it can all go down. And um And it wasn't the it wasn't about the bathtime, it wasn't about you didn't tell me I wasn't pretty today. It was just today and all the things that had led up to that that were unseen.

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Yes. Uh of all the different things of I need help, I don't have time, I'm tired of um, I don't feel worthy, all those things. Um so read that one more time.

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I want to leave them with that um hot take before we You don't fight about the dishes, you fight about feeling unheard.

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So we challenge you to take that hot take today into your relationship. Um and it can be going well, but what is going that is unheard? And maybe that sparks conversation um between you and your uh spouse, your significant other, um, that you can start that conversation about what needs to be heard. Um, and so those little fights over the dishes don't end um in something major. So thank you for joining us today on Marriage Hot Takes. I'm Aaron.

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And I'm Kim.

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We'll see you next time right here on Marriage Hot Takes.

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Thanks so much for spending this time with us on Marriage Hot Takes.

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We hope today's conversation encouraged you, challenged you, and gave you something practical to take back into your marriage.

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Remember, strong marriages aren't built in one big moment.

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They're built in small, intentional choices made every day.

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If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about.

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And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. Until next time, keep choosing each other, and we'll see you for the next hot take.