Ep 13: Marriage Legacy

We talk about the kind of legacy a marriage leaves behind and why it’s bigger than money or a last name. We share what we learned from our parents and how we try to model love, teamwork, and intention so our kids know what a steady marriage looks like. 
• redefining legacy as what our kids watch and copy 
• bringing habits from our parents into our marriage on purpose 
• meeting each child’s needs instead of keeping everything equal 
• expressing love out loud with daily affection and reassurance 
• avoiding rigid “man jobs” and “woman jobs” at home 
• showing love through service and shared effort 
• treating conflict as something to work through, not escape 
• breaking unhealthy cycles with intention and consistency 
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Transcript

Welcome To Marriage Hot Takes

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hey everyone, welcome to Marriage Hot Takes, the podcast where we have honest conversations about marriage while it's still hot.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

We're Erin and Kim, and we're so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

This isn't about being perfect, having it all together, or pretending marriage is easy.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

It's about real life, real love, real struggles, real growth, and learning how to choose each other every single day.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

We'll talk about communication, conflict, faith, intimacy, expectations, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

So whether your marriage is in a great season or a hard one, you're not alone. Let's get into today's hot take.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Welcome back to Marriage Hot Takes. Thank you for taking a little time to join us today. I'm your host, Erin Dagler, along with my wife Kim. We each week just want to share a little bit about our years of being or 22 years of marriage, some successes, some failures, some um lessons we've learned, some things that have worked, have haven't worked. Um, and really each time just leave you with a hot take that you can take into your relationship, into your marriage. Um really our goal is to start conversations, um, questions that we leave you and and thoughts that we can engage with you that um just spark that conversation um to uh improve and make better your relationship, your marriages. So um thank you again for joining us today.

Redefining Legacy Beyond Money

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Today we're gonna um we hear a lot about legacy, uh, about the legacy when we'll and I think sometimes when we think of legacy, we think about money, you know, what kind of dollars.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

What are you leaving me in the wheel?

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah, what are we gonna get when somebody passes away?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

And what what are we gonna get when your great uncle Leonard passes away?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

That that that you didn't know that you heard once that you had a uh um and we we think about that often, and and Kim and I have talked about legacy, and we've actually had a um a marriage group topic that we talked about our legacy, and and we really referred to our marriage legacy. So as we were talking about that, um we kind of both uh brought things from our parents into our marriage, um, things as in relationships we saw with our parents. Um, some of the things we do now are because of my parents, some of the things we do now are because of your parents. Um and so we thought we'd share a little bit of those and help maybe you think about what kind of legacy do you want to marriage legacy do you want to leave? I think it what better gift could we give our kids than to leave them a legacy of like, wow, these are some things I want to incorporate into my marriage because this is what my parents did.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Or because this is because of what my parents didn't do.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Right. And but because I mean we we can take things. Um there's some good, I mean, we both had great parents.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Um, but there's still some things that we go, I I didn't really care for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

That's not really something I want to bring in. I think we both feel that way.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Um, but there's a lot of things too that we're like, man, that was really Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

I'm we're thankful for very thankful. Yeah. I think that for you and I both, we're both very thankful for uh long marriages our that that our parents had. You know, um your parents are still married, my dad has passed away, but they both had long marriages of love.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

And my parents have been married for 62 years. Um your mom and dad were married for how long before your dad?

SPEAKER_01 3:53

You're asking me numbers, so keep talking, I'll I'll think of a number.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah, I was it was I was gonna say 40 years, but no, which is right because I was thinking how old your mom was at the time. I thought that's not right.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

She could not have done that. She'd have been a little no she was a young widow, yeah. Uh so I would say 30 plus years.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

30 plus years. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

I can't remember exactly. Sorry, mom.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

But 30 plus years. It wasn't 50, we know that. Um, because she would have been or 40 because she'd been young, young. Um so yeah, long, long marriages um that we were able to able to witness.

Meeting Kids Needs Not Equal Gifts

SPEAKER_00 4:38

And and so maybe what's something that your parents did.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Um thanks for making me go first.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

You want me to go first?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

I don't care. I don't I can go first.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

You can so so one of the things my parents um just don't use mine.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

I won't use your okay, okay. Um one thing my parents did, um I as this would almost probably be for family.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

This was in regards to because again, I think a legacy marriage is also how does that affect your family? Right. And so one of the things my parents did was um I have two brothers and a sister. And so as we got older, um, I didn't notice much as a house because I was a young I was the youngest. And so by the time I was in um junior high, most all my siblings were out of the house. Um so it was like being an only kid with an only child with siblings. It was really great. But anyhow, so I didn't notice it, but as we get older and we got out of the house, my parents would help us um not equally. So, in other words, just because they gave um one of us money doesn't mean everybody got that. They gave to us based on our needs, and I think that was really important because we didn't ever look at it as is it fair or not fair. We look uh I I've looked at it, I don't know how my siblings look at it, but I always looked at it as they were helping by meeting a need I had. And and sometimes for a need for us, that was dollars. Sometimes for a need um for my my sister, it might just be their time. My dad may have to go do something for her or sit with her or something like that. Um so the needs were kind of different, um, but they would meet those needs. And I think that's kind of something we've adopted um with our kids is just because we do one for one thing for the other doesn't mean we do the same for all of them. Um now we're talking about life. Christmas is different because we gotta get it all equal, but but in life, when they they have needs, we try to meet their need.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Um, it doesn't and we have always tried to explain that to them that it looks different for each one of them.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

And sometimes when you're younger, that's a hard thing to understand.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

That uh because we go, well, you gave them that much or this, or but you know, it's a it's a need.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

So and I think that's something we really work on trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Yeah, I think that's correct. I think for uh stop pointing at me. I think for me, I know. I think for me, um, I was going more with the direction of which is there's no right or wrong answer. Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

So so that was preface because you you gave the wrong answer, so I'm now gonna give the right answer of what we're really talking about.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

No, I'm just saying, oh wow, that seems so in detail. Mine was not that.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

I didn't have that many words.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

But that's

Showing Love Out Loud Daily

SPEAKER_00 7:43

okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

I think for me, like my parents, uh they were always um, they they loved each other uh a lot. I mean how every parent does, I'm sure, but they showed that. So like it wasn't ever a question. Like I never ever thought, I don't know that they like each other. I mean, they did. And um, like they were very good about expressing their love in for each other in front of us to because your dad was not a fate afraid of uh what is that, uh public what you are. Yes, public display, PDA.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yeah, PDA.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

He was not afraid of that. And um, so he made sh aware that everyone knew that they were together, you know. I mean, he was al we got plenty of pictures of him making sure that um that's my wife. He'd have an arm around, arm around, step on the rear. Yeah, it didn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

That's doesn't matter who was around, didn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

That was my dad. And and and my mom was always so giving to him, you know, and we've talked about that many times about you know all the things that she did for him. But love was something that was very much expressed in our family as far as um, you know, my whole life. If you ever were on the phone, you never hung up from your parents, your sibling, whoever. That was when I used to talk on the phone without saying I love you. Uh, we didn't go to bed or leave the house or anything without kissing goodnight, saying goodnight, saying I love you, kissing goodbye in the morning, I love you. It was all that was always a multiple time a day to say I love you. And I have we have raised our family in that same manner that anytime I talk to the kids, it's always I love you before I hang up.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

It's if they leave the house, if they come to visit to hug. Yes, it is because yeah, my parent did the same thing. I'm thinking about I I mean, I'd never remember time that we parted ways or they did without giving a hug and a kiss. Yes. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

And so much so that for for for you and I, I mean, we could part ways to go to a separate room for something and we will hug we will kiss to say, I love you, just to see each other again in a minute and a half. I mean, so I I do feel like that that was something that they passed on down to me was just the expression of love and that um you know, you're never guaranteed what when they walk out the door when you're gonna see them again. So it was always uh be careful, I love you, you know, all of those things. And for my I got the same um genetics, I don't think that's the word, genes or something from my dad to where I am that same. Um I'm very I always wanna be touching. Yes, always like you're real far away over there.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yes, like you'd really like us to be sitting next to each other.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Yeah, so we could hold hands during the whole time while we talk to y'all and look at you in the eyes, but and make it awkward, yes, but you're you're far away over there, so want, want, want.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

See, before we started, she had her hand up. I'm like, what are you doing? She said, Well, I thought we'd pray before we started. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

You thought we were gonna hold hands the whole time this time.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Yeah, I thought we were gonna.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

No, so I I do believe that's one of one of the things that I don't do believe I that is one of the things that my parents passed down um a legacy that we continue.

Rethinking His Jobs And Her Jobs

SPEAKER_00 11:14

And and another thing that that my dad did um for my mom was he took um like he'd he'd do all everything for like all kinds of things, like he'd go get her gas, like like your mom's never gotten gas ever in her whole life. I don't think my mom's ever gotten gas in her car. That wasn't passed down. No, no, you do. I mean, you go get gas.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Yes, I get gas. I get my own guess.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

But but there's other things I'd I'd I'd think I'd do for you in that manner. I agree. Um that um, I mean, I remember growing up, I'd I would be the one that went to the grocery store with my dad. My dad would do the grocery shopping. He would do, as I got older, he would do most of the cooking. Um, I mean he still worked. It wasn't like he was staying home, but he did a lot um for my mom. I never thought, I never got the impression or I never thought growing up, like, oh, that's a man's job. That's a woman's job. And and so, so for us, I never think of, well, that's your your job, that's my job. Yeah, I just think just like on the weekends, I mean, sometimes I make the bed because I feel bad. I'm like, well, you make the bed every single day because I get out before you, or if I cook because I think you and on the weekend you you do the majority of the cooking.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

But again, because I think I just grew up seeing that and and I'd never really thought uh-huh, we have job except for mowing. That's yeah, my job.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Well, that's because you took it away from me.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Well, it's because it was costing a fortune to keep fixing mowers because you were it was an accident. It was an accident.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

I didn't mean to run over the trampoline park.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

I mean, it just happened.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Well, and in in the way that that is for your family, that was very, very different in my family. There were man and women job man and woman jobs.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Like your dad probably never did any laundry or cooking.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

I had never in my whole life saw my dad do laundry. I remember one time I was little, I feel like he made bread one time, and I don't know why that sticks out in my mind, but I do feel like he made bread once, and I think that was the only time I saw him in the kitchen. But I mean, there was definite those are my mom's jobs, and the outside jobs were all of our jobs. So it was mom's job outside too. No.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

And so so that's like a thing though that I brought from my parents into our marriage, but that's not, but you're okay with that because I mean you didn't say, Oh well, no, this is your job.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Right. Yeah. And so it's not like I came into that saying, well, you need to have all the manly jobs besides mowing. You need to have all the manly jobs because obviously, I mean You'd have to find a different man because I I don't do some of that stuff. I have to do the manly jobs, most of them, except for mowing.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yeah, I mean, your dad taught you well.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah, yeah. Well, he wanted me to be independent.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

So and and that's one I think the things we've worked tried to do with our girls. Yeah. Is I wouldn't go do stuff for them, like even going to get your oil changed. Yes. I said, you need to go do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Yeah, you need to learn to pull up into the thing. And I've don't know how to do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And but and but you haven't ever done that.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

I haven't ever done that. Yeah but I will say I was taught to change oil.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

So I might not can pull up into the bay, but I mean, if I had worse came to worst, I could try to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

You could change some oil.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I could if I had the right tools.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Tools, yeah. It's just the tools that would be holding.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yes, that's the only thing that's saving us the money is from getting oil changes, is that the tools. Yeah. So yeah. And I think that is a good balance of what you brought, what I brought.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Yeah. And you're thankful that I'm a I'm a worker. You are thankful that Jerry Walker raised a worker.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Yeah, because that's some stuff I don't do.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

I am thankful that Larry Degler taught you how to grocery shop and cook and do things around the house. So what a good balance that is.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

I mean, now one time we got a new washer and I had to ask you how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

But it was because you know you still But I don't do a lot of laundry. You don't know. I don't want you in there. So yeah, that's okay. I don't need you in there messing with the washer.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

I might have done laundry about a year ago when you went on a trip, but that's probably the last time.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I don't think you've used this washer at all.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Probably not.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

And we've had it for it'll be two years in a row.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Oh, yes, I have not.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

You've not, and the other one we had had for a good four years before you said, How do I open the door?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yes. Yeah. So it was it was a total dude moment. It was. I felt like, oh man, this is yeah, yeah. Not not knowing how to but you do other things.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah. You do like I said, you do the majority of the cooking. And I am thankful for it because as much as my mom was a mom's woman in the house place, how what how you say that, but the house is a woman's place? Yeah, and how she cooked all the meals and took care of everything inside. And I do take care of everything inside, but I do not and I do not cook. I do not enjoy. I say I don't cook. I do our meal prep food. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

But if you're looking to have a a dinner, it and so I think we're as we're as we're talking, I'm thinking about we're talking about some actions that maybe they did for the family or for each other.

Service As A Love Language

SPEAKER_00 16:30

But what about the legacy of a marriage when it comes to how you treat each other? Um, I I I think I I kind of thinking of that of my dad doing stuff for my mom like that, that was I think his way of showing that he loved her.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

That he wanted to take care of her. And so for me, and I think and I think of it that way, is like I do some of those things because I want to do something for you. I want to take care of you. I want you to be able to rest and not have to think, oh, I have to make the bed. I mean, because you do it every morning. I thought, well, if I can take a little bit of that from you, like, oh, and it tugs, it's like nothing, but it's because also I want to take care of you. Um because I love you, and as we've talked about, the things you do, you take actions to show some love. Um and hopefully that through those we also are an example to our kids that are grown and and married. Um the way we treat treat each other. And and and and two, I don't really ever remember I I don't remember my parents get into big arguments.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Or I mean no, I don't think I really remember that.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

We ever once in a while would have um we would call it Jerry Walker rule number three thousand five hundred and eighty-six, where someday he might just, you know, we don't need to fold clothes on the couch anymore. It needs to be in a different place. And that might spark an argument, but not I've I don't remember hearing like a an argument. I just remember later mom saying, Well, Jerry Walker rule number we now have, so we can't do that anymore. But I don't ever remember hearing them fight. So we neither were raised in that um kind of what are you what environment environment.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

And I think too, uh you know, because of course we weren't around our whole parents' marriages because we weren't born. But as I hear my parents talk, um, I know I don't know why this word just came from. I was thinking my dad was a rascal when he was young. I don't know why that word came. Rascal. A rascal. He was a rascal. But but she was still patient.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Um, you know, my mom is actually the one that's that got my dad saved um with him and um and was just kind of it. I never ever remember thinking my parents like they were married.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Like, and that's I think the biggest lady is like, we're married and there's there's not other options.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

You know, through thick and thin, good and bad, all of those, we're gonna work through those things, um and um and get through them. And and for them, divorcing wasn't ever an option. Right it was if there's hard times, there's conflict, we're gonna work through it. How do we do that? Um, and they communicated.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

I think.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

And I mean, and I would say your parents were the same way.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Um, they were gonna work through it.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

And and I think that's been a big example to us.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

To us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

To see our parents the length of their marriage and and it wasn't easy marriages.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

It's not like No, I mean, it wasn't like it was rainbows and lollipops all the time, for sure. I mean, there were struggles and you know, different things. My mom stayed at home, so you know, it was a one-income family, and um, you know, it was hard. But my dad wanted my mom to be at home racing us and, you know, not miss all the things. And so there were sacrifices to be made, which again, there's another example to us. Now, I did work when the kids were young, but I did always say wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, just like my mom was, but just didn't get to do it while they were at home. That did it once they were. Yeah. Well, when the girls were in hospital.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah, when the girls were in high school, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

So, um, but that was something that I was raised around and was was normal to me.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

And and yet for me, my mom worked.

Long Marriage Means Working Through Conflict

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Worked, my you know, and and too, I remember um when we talk about legacy too. I remember um my dad went back to college, back to school um when I was in junior high. Um, he finished college, um, got his master's degree, and and during that time my mom went back to get her master's degree. And I always um remember just both of them encouraging each other, doing what they can to help the other one um be successful, um, whatever that was needed, um, going to school, taking up the slack, all those things. And so um, and I think, and that's what we do. Yeah. Um, when I went back to school, you you helped. I mean, a time when I wasn't working as much, but when you were um out had your shop here, you were working, you know, till seven o'clock at night, and I would give kids baths and get supper ready and um to help each other be successful. And um and I think that's those are legacies that and what is a legacy? It's really just being an example.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Because we'll leave a legacy.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Yes. It just depends on it is it gonna be a good legacy or a bad legacy. Are you gonna you or are or are your kids going to want to craft some of the things that you have done throughout their growing up and what they see into what something that you have. Or are they gonna be like, that is completely not what I want? So I think that that's something that you work towards, you know. And yes, I mean, there are times that huge failures, you know, especially when the kids were young. I think we failed many times. But as a whole, I think that the legacy would be just like what we say, you know, be a loving home and um help each other out and be encouraging to each other. And and those are all the things that we saw growing up. And we are blessed that we didn't see other sides that that wasn't part of our life growing up.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

And and so the challenge would be that if if that is, if maybe you didn't you or your spouse didn't see those types of environments like we did, then maybe you're really intentional about and you don't want to create that again, and then you're really intentional about the way you act towards each other, you talk to each other, that you start to change, um, um change the cycle.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Um, because it can be sick, it can be a cycle from generation to generation to generation that doesn't um stop. So if you can break it, it's about being intentional to break it. And and that can be challenging because those are ingrained young.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

They are, and if you came, I mean, like for instance, you you and I both talking about just for the example of just leaving the house and and always saying goodbye and kissing and hugging and I love you, you know, all of those things, but so many people don't grow up in that environment and they don't even that's not normal to to them. Then they, you know, which I'm not saying it has to be, but but then they raise their kids and then you know it just keeps continuing of being like, oh, I don't know, that's weird, you know. But just like in other cultures, how we look at that when like families kiss each other on the mouth, and you go, Oh, what was that? Well, it's just different than your family, you know. So I think it's up to your how you how you were raised.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

And and I think there's sometimes that um our kids might see something we do and like, but then they see something their grandparents are like, we're not doing that. There's some sometimes as they get older, yes, they act certain ways. Yes and so, but then again, I think it's good for our kids. We go, okay, I I maybe see something I like what my mom and dad do, but then my grandparents, I don't like the way Yeah, and I think a lot of times we have to be a little subtle reminder to our kids that there is a generational gap

Breaking Cycles And Bridging Generations

SPEAKER_00 24:45

there.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

So when they're seeing the grandparents, for instance, your parents that are an older generation in their mid 80s, yes, that have been married 60 plus years, life looked different for them, and society and norms were different for them than what they are today. Just like I told you we've discussed before, you know, my mom waited on my dad hand and foot, and I would always be like, I'm not gonna do that, but then I do. But that was kind of the norm to kind of cater to to your husband, your spouse, you know, then and um for the man to kind of be in charge. And sometimes with our kids, I think they have a hard time seeing sometimes how that kind of plays out in an older marriage, just because that's not how society is the norm today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

And then but then they're that but then again, they're being more intentional.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

To make sure that they are that that I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Not gonna do that. Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

So I mean, I think it's um because we'll leave a legacy, and it's just be intentional about the legacy you want to leave. Right. Because you will leave one, good or bad, you will leave one. Um, and if you're gonna leave one, why not be intentional about how you want to leave it? Just like if you're intentional about you want to leave your kids lots of money, it's because you're intentional about it. Um and the same thing is with your values of being married. What values do you want to leave them with and them to be a witness to whenever they're around?

The Hot Take And Your Family Legacy

SPEAKER_00 26:26

And I think that's important. And as always, we have a hot take that Kim will read. It's the only thing that we script.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Today's hot take. Your marriage will either repeat what you watched growing up or intentionally rewrite it.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

So I mean, that's great. I mean, it's either gonna repeat, um, good or bad, it'll repeat, or if you want to intentionally rewrite it again. We talked about re you know, being intentional, but you can also if you're not careful, can be intentionally rewritten in the wrong way.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Right. Um, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

So you have to be very careful of that also. Um so it's just how do you want to um be intentional to repeat it or rewrite it? Were you gonna say something?

SPEAKER_01 27:26

I was gonna put you on the spot and say, so what would be your uh marriage legacy that you would want to leave?

SPEAKER_00 27:34

That's a good question.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Thanks. We might should have talked that out.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

We probably should. Um the the the marriage legacy that I would want to leave our kids to see is that we enjoyed life together. Um we we managed life together, and we were able to always continue to communicate and joy being together. Um and I think that's I mean, the the simplest, I mean, we could go in, there's a whole lot more, but um to see that we're happy and doing things that make us happy together, I think would be the greatest thing. Um because if you're doing things happy, I mean, what I mean, how great of a marriage is that if you're doing together. Right. And that's the important thing. I don't want them to see it. Oh, well, mom's going to have this, and dad goes to this. Dad does this, and they probably, you know, they see each other maybe once or twice during the week. Um, but I I think that would be it.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

What about Well, I would think I would say the same thing that that's convenient. I know. Sorry you got my words, darn the luck. Um, but that just like you said, I I I want them to see that in the every day that we want to be together, that we're the happiest when we're together. And I want to to leave them with that you're my best friend, and that we have fought for that, um, and that it has been work, you know, it wasn't always easy, but that that is what we wanted, that's how we want it to look. I I want them to know that you're my best friend and that you're gonna come before they are because that's the way it's supposed to be. God spouse children. And so I want them to see that while they might not have always thought it was fair, I always try I always did put you uh there because I wanted you to I wanted them to see our relationship of being best friends and whether it be let's just drive to town, but we're gonna go together. We not might not sit side by side like maybe your grandparents did or walk to town holding hands, but we always wanted to do it together. It was our favorite place to be.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

And I think it's good, great legacy to leave our kids. And and hopefully if if you ask our kids, we hope maybe they'd say that. I guess we should ask them and see what they say so.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

They may roll their eyes and be like, oh Lord.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Those two. Uh maybe, so maybe maybe one day your kids will say, those two. And wouldn't that be the greatest compliment?

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

To say those two. If I think about my parents, I would say, those two. Um, and I think if you think about your parents, you go those two. Uh so what a best way for somebody, what what a best way for your kids or grandkids to describe your marriage legacy. Those two with that voice and tone. So thank you so much for joining us on today's marriage hot takes. Uh, we look forward to seeing you right here next time uh on marriage hot takes. I'm Aaron.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

And I'm Kim.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

I'll see you next time.

Closing And How To Support

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Thanks so much for spending this time with us on Marriage Hot Takes.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

We hope today's conversation encouraged you, challenged you, and gave you something practical to take back into your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Remember, strong marriages aren't built in one big moment.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

They're built in small, intentional choices made every day.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. Until next time, keep choosing each other, and we'll see you for the next hot take.