Ep 19: But, Yall Don't Understand

We challenge the reflex to say “you don’t understand” when what we really want is relief from responsibility. We break down how ownership, going first, and small intentional choices can shift the tone of a marriage even in stressful seasons. 
• why “you don’t understand” often protects an excuse 
• what it means to go first without keeping score 
• when a relationship needs more than effort and may require professional counseling 
• how missed signals and hidden struggles create emotional distance 
• separating real-life pressures from avoiding responsibility 
• practical date night ideas that don’t require money or perfection 
• swapping “you don’t understand” with “it’s not important enough to me” as an honesty test 
• how love languages and emotional connection affect intimacy 
• the emotional-physical “loop” that keeps couples stuck 
If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about. And don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples.

Transcript

Welcome And The Point Of Hot Takes

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey everyone, welcome to Marriage Hot Takes, the podcast where we have honest conversations about marriage while it's still hot.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

We're Erin and Kim, and we're so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

This isn't about being perfect, having it all together, or pretending marriage is easy.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

It's about real life, real love, real struggles, real growth, and learning how to choose each other every single day.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

We'll talk about communication, conflict, faith, intimacy, expectations, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

So whether your marriage is in a great season or a hard one, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Let's get into today's hot take. Welcome back to Marriage Hot Takes. Thank you for taking time to join us today. We are your host, Aaron and Kim Degler. Um each week we just want to share a little bit about our marriage over the last 22 years. Uh, we won't tell you all about the 22 years, just some of the highs, lows, and maybe all the in-betweens. And we hope we like to leave you each week with a hot take that uh we hope that you can take into your relationship, into your marriage, and be a conversation start. Almost like if you had a deck of cards. Maybe that's what we should have. A deck of cards. Marriage hot takes.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Oh that'd be a game. See, sometimes yeah, we just draw the card and say and say this is this is the hot take.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

And then you discuss it. How do you land though?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Well, remember in marriage, there's no winner or loser. Oh. Oh. You're not supposed to be keeping score.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

I like to keep score.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Don't keep score. That's not that's not good for a healthy uh relationship. That's not even today's topic. That's like a bonus episode right there. Um, but our hope is that you take the hot take um and and end your relationship, that you can um have a conversation with it and start it. Um, usually um we're gonna end today with a hot take, but we usually always end with a hot take, we do end with a hot take. Whoo, can't get those words out. But today

Hot Take: You Don’t Understand

SPEAKER_00 1:55

we're gonna start with a hot take because and and if you're um if you don't have any shoes on, um put shoes on, but we're still gonna step on your toes anyhow. Um but if you don't, it's really gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

You ready?

SPEAKER_00 2:08

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Today's hot take.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Look out.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

You don't understand is often the phrase we use when we want our excuses to feel more valid than our responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

You don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

You don't understand what you don't understand what I have to do every day.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

So many times uh being in um when people ask, um, how do I lose weight? How do I get in better shape? I start to tell them. Um before I tell them, um why I'm telling them, before I can get it all out, they go, but you don't understand. But I have this, but you don't understand. But you don't understand. And there's probably people that watch this as we give hot takes as we talk about, um, give some thoughts, ideas, what people should do. They're probably on the other side going, but you don't understand. But Aaron and Kim, you don't understand my situation. And so as the hot take says, you would what, call them excuses?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

And we and we and we pull it back up.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

And we like to call them excuses to feel more valid than our responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

And and so when we use an excuse, we like or um we like to say it's a reason, it takes the responsibility away from us. Um and and and what are some things that sometimes but y'all don't understand? And and you know, we hear this oftentimes that maybe one person is doing more than the other.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

I do it all and they're never home.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Or I do it all, but they are home, but they don't they don't ever they don't appreciate it. So and you go, you don't understand my situation. Y'all's situation is different. And yes, every situation is different. Um, it's very true. But at the same time we have to um take ownership of what is going on. Um

Going First Without Keeping Score

SPEAKER_00 4:31

so so it may it may even be that and you have this written um not on there.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Oh I was like, where what?

SPEAKER_00 4:42

But but you have it written on a post-it note on the Always go first. Always go first.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Be the one to go first, is actually what it says.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Which will be always go first. Yes, be the one.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Be the one to go first.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

And and somebody's response right now, but you but you don't understand. I've been going first for 39 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

And when we say be the one to go first, what that means is be the one that sends the text to say I love you, or be the one to, okay, maybe today I'll just fold his tail back, or I'll do this for him, or I'll do, you know, I'll be the one to do that first. I'll be the one to make a first move. All of those things, uh let just be the one to do it. Because maybe, just maybe they're waiting for you to go first.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

But you don't understand. I've been going first, I haven't gotten anything in return.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah, that sucks. That's what I would have to say. I would be like, trust me, I know I go first every day.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

But that is a lot of times the response that you might get, well, that sucks. I hate that for you.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

But what what does really being the one to go first mean?

SPEAKER_01 6:03

I love when you look at me with opening questions.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Really being the one to go first as we began this one is not about keeping score.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Yes, it's not. It is really about it's not like I'm gonna say, well, this week 14 times I went first. How many did you go? You don't say that on Friday.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

You just do it out of your heart because your heart wants to. That's why I do try to go first because I want to go first. I want to be the one to be first.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

And and it's not a competition, it's not, it's not going, I've gone first five times.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

I don't keep track of it.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

No. And and and we would say it's easy to say sometimes, you know, work on it, communicate, do it together. But but in all honesty, there are gonna be um husbands or wife on the other side that is not gonna do those things, no matter how many times you go first. Yes, a hundred percent. They don't the other person doesn't always realize that there are some issues that they need to work with and to do. Um, they don't realize that. And so we understand that when we're saying some of the things, we're kind of on the same page with some things or we'll communicate.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Right, because some situations are completely different, and that and those are not the situations we're speaking to.

When It’s Bigger Than Effort

SPEAKER_02 7:37

We're speaking in a loving relationship where two people are really trying to survive and to to work together to be married, not one that where you're being abused or neglected or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

So with the because those relationships are gonna require more than just you go first.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

You go first. That's not it. That's not gonna be the answer.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

It's gonna need some maybe counseling, some um something more in depth. Yes. And I have to be honest, um, you know, sometimes um, and and I've had discussions with clients before that um as they share a little bit about the relationship um and the things they're doing, uh, I I I've often recommended, you know, you are doing the things you need to do. But you will sound like you will probably need some some professional help together. Because sometimes if it it's not working, um, when you come together and have a professional help you, it can make a difference. Right. Um sometimes that is really what's needed.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

Um because And so maybe you're the first one to call for counseling.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yes, and maybe that maybe that's the going first is saying, hey, I think we need some counseling. Now, but you don't understand. I've tried that five times and here she has said no. And and we understand that.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Yes, yes, we do.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

And and those are hard seasons, yes, and those are things that um it it we can't always say, you know, here's the here's the general answer to fix all relationships. Yeah, it's not because they're all a little bit different.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Yeah. I agree, and I just think, you know, well, we're not perfect. We we don't pretend to be perfect. Um and for we've been married 22 years, so for we for a good 18 no, not for a good eighteen, for 18 of those, we were far from even being close to good. Yeah, I mean so yes, and there would have been a lot of you don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Mm-hmm.

The Note That Changed The Talk

SPEAKER_00 9:54

And I mean, and there's been um I mean I mean just recently um we had a conversation about just maybe last year or a couple years ago, that you know, I thought everything was good. You did.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

And and and come to find out, I found we found a little note. Yeah, that there was Yeah, you know, that I didn't feel the same way you did.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

You didn't, and you just typed in your notes kind of to get it to get it out of your head. Yeah, kind of like journaling. Yeah, and so when you read it to me, you kind of read one little part, then you didn't really want to finish the rest, but I said, Well, what's the rest of it say? And then and and that was I mean, I not hurtful that you wrote it, but I was hurt that that we were in that and you didn't know and I didn't know because you weren't probably picking up on the signs or paying attention enough to know that I don't think she's real happy. And that was just a couple years ago, yeah. Um and and so we get that sometimes sometimes you don't um you don't know.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Yeah. And I think sometimes one of the spouses that maybe is having those inside struggles and they try to keep them hidden, that's what they're doing. It's just by that point, they're in complete just yeah, everything's great here. But then inside they're fighting all the battles that they won't openly share with their spouse.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

And and so those um those are challenges. Um and so, you know, I I don't even know what number episode we're on. But with all the different hot takes, I don't know where necessarily are at where it's coming out at. Right. Um but it it um there are probably ones that you've watched go, yeah, but you don't really understand my relationship. Well, you don't and and again, you know, well, you don't understand how much my kids need

When Life Stress Becomes A Shield

SPEAKER_00 12:08

me. Well, we do get it.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Or you don't understand my I'm taking care of a parent, or I'm I mean, it's not just kids, it's everyday life. You don't understand how stressful my job is, you don't understand what financial hardship we're in. You don't understand, uh you could never begin to understand where we're at emotionally. Uh you can't understand that, you know, I think she's in an emotional affair with someone. You know, all of those things, you know, you're right. We can't understand some of those, but we everyone has something.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

And and and are we sometimes, and we have to be honest with ourselves, are we using those an excuse to take away from our own responsibility in that? Right. In other words, sometimes, you know, I might give somebody three or four different options to exercise. No, that doesn't work for me. No, I don't like that. No. So, okay, then are you really wanting change? Or are you just making an excuse that you can't do all those because you don't want the responsibility that it is really on you? Right. That you might be the reason.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

That maybe the relationship isn't going very well. Right. It could be the reason that um you're out of shape because you're not taking control of your life to to, you know, I can't run, but I can walk. I can't lift a hundred pounds, but I can lift five. And so the same thing is true with our relationships.

Date Night That Actually Works

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Are we using those? I I I can't do, I can't, we can't go on a date night once a month. We can't do that. But okay, can you maybe just um make a couple sandwiches and go sit on the back porch and have a picnic and talk?

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah, I always think that is interesting to hear that because uh date night doesn't have to be an extravagant, let's go out and spend any more $100 on dinner and then whatever else you're gonna do, it can be ship the kids to grandparents or a friend or a neighbor and have dinner at home by yourself, cook dinner or get McDonald's or make sandwiches, whatever, but devote that night to each other. Yes, you may not be going and eating at the fanciest restaurant, but you the the goal of date night is for the two of you. It's it's not about what, well, that doesn't look so pretty to post on social media. Well, actually, I'm gonna tell you the real honest truth. If I were to scroll social media and I come across somebody having a date night at home, I'm gonna be like, that looks pretty nice. You know, it can be what you make it. You know, we have a we have a date book that we bought at 55 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

A couple of years ago.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

And and and on top of that, in our marriage group, that each bought a group, they each bought one too, because we're all gonna do it. And it gives you different you it you we don't know what's in it because we've not opened an envelope yet. But it tells you, and you can choose like easy date at home, or you know, do you want to go all these things? And then you just open the envelope, it tells you what to do, or whatever. But date night can be easy at home.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

I mean, when um when we had kids, we we um have date night, date weekends, we'd go out to a hotel and all that. Yeah, we did, we did all of that. And I mean, and even at home, um we have three bedrooms. One room we've never slept in. It was a kid's bedroom, but we changed it into a guest bedroom. And we've I mean, we can it has dark windows, we can treat it just like a hotel room. We can take a nap in it.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

We could go in there and act like that's the hotel room. It's got a separate bath.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

We've never slept in it or anything. No, we could do that.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

I mean, so really there are different options. Get rid of these dogs here and we could act like it's a hotel.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah. So it it because we use well, I can't go to a fancy restaurant. Well, I can't go to a fancy restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

And then if you're married to someone like me, you can say that because she could I I couldn't do a fancy restaurant because it'd make me too anxious. So we can't do a fancy restaurant anyway.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Too fancy.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

No, yeah, we can't get much more fancy than a Mexican restaurant. Yes, I wouldn't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

And so, yes, we don't understand fully your situation. No, you you are correct, but you don't understand. But it's what I think we're asking as we do a hot take is what of that and at what level are you capable of doing that?

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Right. And I think back to me finding that note on my phone, and you and I think you how you were a little shocked by the note and that life was just going on. But even had I told you like how I felt then, you would have said, but you don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

I would have.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

You don't understand what all I have going on. I mean, that's just where we were in that season of at that time of you you but you don't understand. You have put all the pressure on me because you can't work anymore, you know, all of those things because everybody has, but you don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

And we're saying that to the other person, even.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

Yes, yes, exactly. Whereas I could read this to you, you know, that if I would have expressed that to you then, that would have been met with.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

You don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

But you don't understand what what did you want me to do different? What do you want me to do different? You know, so I think that I mean, that's what I would have said with an attitude. It wouldn't have been it wouldn't have been it wouldn't well, you know, you don't understand. I mean, I get what you're saying, but you don't understand where I'm that would not have been how that went.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Not at all.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

It would not have been met with uh eager ears or sympathetic listening.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Either one, all of them.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

I don't know any other words to say.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Um so I like to always kind of joke at the gym that when we give reasons, that's the nice way of saying it's an excuse. Yeah. Because many times it is an excuse.

Replace Excuses With Priorities

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Because um if it's a priority, what do we do?

SPEAKER_02 18:28

We'll make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

We'll make it happen. Yeah. Um, and if it's not, then we like to give a reason, but really it's an excuse why I don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Right. Like, I mean, the things that I want to do are gonna, I mean, that's a priority. I'm gonna make it happen no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

So if it's your marriage and say, but you don't understand, well, maybe you don't understand your relationship is not important to you because you're not willing to do a small thing, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Yeah. So if you were to say, um, well, instead of saying that, I want you to say this instead of, well, you don't understand because I have the then I want you change those words to, well, it's not important enough to me. And then go on with whatever you were about to say with your excuse, you just say, Well, what it's not important enough to me. So if it's about your marriage, you say, but you don't what was the word? It's not important enough to me.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

It's not important enough to me.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yeah. So in that same conversation that day at the table, had that gone two years ago when I had wrote it, you could have said, but it's not important enough to me.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

That would have been And that would be yes, that's basically what we're saying, because I I'm not willing to do anything about it.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

So, you know, I wish we'd spend time together, but wait a minute, you don't understand. So I just said that's not important to me because I have to do this. Yeah, yeah. Um, you know, it it's I I want you to spend more time with me. Can the can somebody else take the kids to their game? Yeah, but you don't understand. No, I have to. I have to I have to be there and sit there and watch them just in case.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

He could hit a home run today.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

You you're telling your husband or your wife, you're not important to me. You've just told them that you're not important.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

And so then when you when you change that around, get instead of giving a reason, say blah, blah, blah is not important to me.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

And that changes everything. Um, and and so you are 100% correct. We do not understand.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

We do, I mean, you're exactly right. You we do not understand everything. But are you make we do understand that it can be excuses?

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

And a lot of times, if you truly want to change, if somebody uh comes to me at the gym and says, I want to um do this race or um lose X amount of pounds, and I say, Do this and this, got it, I'll I'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

Okay. Where do you want me to start with that first?

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yep. I know they're in, they are ready for a change. If they come with me at a few excuses, few reasons, okay, you're not quite ready yet. Right. So we may have to revisit another time because you're you you send it.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

When you get your mindset ready, then come back and we'll we'll start from there.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

And and because you said you're ready, but you're not really ready.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Yeah, you're kind of teetering.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

So so again, this puts husband or wife that's listening, this puts responsibility on you.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

When we want to say, well, you don't understand it's him, well, you don't understand it's her. But you don't understand I do blah, blah, blah. And they don't do blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

I do all the heavy lifting and they do not.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

And there's a lot of different aspects you have to look at.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

There's a lot of we'd love to give you just a one simple one size fits all uh answer. Just like exercise, there's not a one size fits all program. And same thing with marriages. We come from different backgrounds, we have different goals, we have different expectations, we have different communication styles. Different love language, all those things go into play. So we have to

Love Languages And The Intimacy Loop

SPEAKER_00 22:05

understand what are we willing to do.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

And it's funny you say love languages, and it's just like that. Like yeah, her love language is touch, but you understand. I, you know, I don't have time for that. Or her love language is acts of service, but you don't understand. I don't have time to do all that for her. So again, that's just where you say her love language isn't important to me. That's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

So and I mean, when you talk about romance, romance in the stone, like romance romance. Oh, intimate to see.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Intimacy. Intimacy.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Let me get the work. Intimacy. You might say, but you don't understand. Yeah. And and that would be a point where, okay, it's not important to you. Happens. But you don't understand how she is.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

Oh, okay, but maybe you need to spend all the day wooing her so the romance, intimacy, happens later in the day.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Because uh the romance, the intimacy doesn't happen when you come home from work and you say, Is tonight that night? It's not. If you hadn't started it throughout the day, it ain't right now. It is not gonna be that night either. You've got to do a little bit of work ahead of time.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

This is talking to fellas.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Yes, yes. Because what was it that we have heard about women need? How's that go?

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Okay, so since we're right here, this is nothing to do with the subject, but all the time we but you don't understand. And so here's what it is, guys. If we're talking about intimacy, romancing in the bedroom or wherever you want to romance at, men, you're looking for physical.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Women, you're looking for emotional.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Yes. And so if you give her emotional, men give her emotional, she will give you physical. And if you get physical, if you're receiving the physical, then you'll give her the emotional. It's a constant loop.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Loop. And so if there are maybe issues there, it's maybe men because she doesn't be want to be romantic. Well, maybe it's be not because you're connecting with her emotionally. And um women, if you're not commo connecting physically, then he's probably not connecting emotionally. But it doesn't mean there's either one side or the other. It has to go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

So it can be this loop. This loop around and round. Um give her emotional, give him physical. Then he's gonna give her emotional, she's gonna give him physical. It will just be a loop.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

And we could we could really have a whole discussion about that. A whole long discussion about physical intimacy, how that works, how that looks, how um we could go into more detail about, but you don't understand. Well, as Kim and I have been educating ourselves over the last year, um, and and and part of her note was part of that that was in her notes. And part of it is as we educate ourselves, there's more to it than just how babies are made.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Yes, there is how babies are made.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

That's a good way of putting it, huh?

SPEAKER_02 25:27

Yeah. If you're 12.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

There is more to it than that. Yes, and and and we have learned.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

There's more to it than wham, wham, thank you, ma'am. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

We have learned a tremendous amount in the last year about how women work, how men work, and how much that is an issue, and how does that look? Um, and the gap and future episodes we will share those things. Um we kind of have to build up one day.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Yes, someday I could tell tell my kids, we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Yeah. Um, but we will share that. But it there's a lot to it. Yeah. And uh and and those things we're not taught, it's things that we're not um educated on, it's not things we necessarily seek out.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

You don't have that class in school.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

There's not there's not that class before you get married, there's not a that class when you get married.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

No.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Um, we have had to intentionally seek it out. Um, and some of those things um that we we've had to deal with before, and we've said those, but you don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

And as we've realized, there's things we could have done differently individually, right? Um, that we could have connected even better. And so there are it's just a simple But I didn't understand, and you didn't understand. No, we didn't understand it together.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Um, and but we we tell each other you don't understand. Yeah. And we were right.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Yeah, we didn't understand.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

But we have been working on that. Yeah. And and we will um get to that in a in uh future episodes because it is a huge um barrier in in marriages, yeah. Um, as we're learning. But uh, we just want to share a little bit with you about um, because we hear that from time to time, and and we know that's what you're thinking, watching, or listening is, but you don't understand. And you're right, we don't. But is what we are asking is that you take responsibility for it and say, What can I do better?

unknown 27:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

What can I do different? And am I using it as an excuse? And many times, just like you said, it's not important enough.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Yes. And and if that so if you just change your words to that, you'll really you'll go, Oh, dang, that hurt a little bit. That kind of that was that would be like sticking the dagger right in and twisting it if I said that out loud. Well, that's what you're saying anyway.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

And and it and it can be hurtful. Yes. Um, hurtful to the other person, hurtful to you. Um so uh we're gonna uh finish up with the hot take again so we can leave that with you because I think it's um just a powerful one today.

Final Hot Take And Next Steps

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Today's hot take. You don't understand is often the phrase we use when we want our excuses to feel more valid than our responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

So even if you're saying that to each other, um you're just trying to validate your excuses. Yes, when it should be taking ownership and accepting the responsibilities that's um being laid out in front of you. Um so as always, thank you so much for joining us on Marriage Hot Takes. We hope that you take this conversation, um, this hot take, and um take it into your relationship, into your marriage, and start be a conversation starter, um, that it may start some um conversation of growth um with each other, uh, that you can become better as a couple and improve your relationship because it is always what can we do a little bit better today than we did yesterday. So thank you again for joining us. I'm your host, Aaron. And I'm Kim. And we look forward to seeing you right here next time on Marriage Hot Takes.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Thanks so much for spending this time with us on Marriage Hot Takes.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

We hope today's conversation encouraged you, challenged you, and gave you something practical to take back into your marriage.

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Remember, strong marriages aren't built in one big moment.

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They're built in small, intentional choices made every day.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. Until next time, keep choosing each other, and we'll see you for the next hot take.