Ep 22: Going First Is A Choice You Can Make

We talk about the marriage standoff that sounds like “when you do this, then I’ll do that” and why it keeps couples stuck. We challenge ourselves and you to take responsibility for your own choices and be the one to go first, even when you’re tired of initiating. 
• the “when you do X, then I’ll do Y” trap and how it fuels resentment 
• personal responsibility in marriage and choosing your response 
• what “be the one to go first” looks like with real examples 
• expectations that never get said out loud and why your spouse may not even know 
• self-growth and self-improvement as the fastest path to a better relationship 
• practical first moves like compliments, notes, spicy texts, and hugs that linger 
• today’s hot take: the strongest spouse is usually the one willing to go first 
If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about. And don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. 

Transcript

Welcome And What We’re About

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey everyone, welcome to Marriage Hot Takes, the podcast where we have honest conversations about marriage while it's still hot.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

We're Erin and Kim, and we're so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

This isn't about being perfect, having it all together, or pretending marriage is easy.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

It's about real life, real love, real struggles, real growth, and learning how to choose each other every single day.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

We'll talk about communication, conflict, faith, intimacy, expectations, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

So whether your marriage is in a great season or a hard one, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Let's get into today's hot take. Welcome back to Marriage Hot Takes. Thanks for taking time to join us today. We are your host Aaron and Kim Degler. We just like to come to you each week, share a little bit about our last 22 years of marital bliss. Um that's funny, huh?

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Um we'd like to say marital bliss, but it's not all bliss. It's not it's marriage. It's marriage. And marriage is challenging, it's um hard, it's fun, um, it's all kinds of things. All the things, it's is it's all wrapped up into marriage, but um it does take intentionality, it does take work. Um, any good marriage takes work. Um, if you talk to anybody that's been married for a long, long time, they'll never tell you it was just easy and it just happened, it was work. And so we just want to come to you each week and share a little bit about the work in our marriage that we've done um and not been so good at, have been better at times at, um, and then always leave you with a uh marriage hot take to take into your relationship, take into your marriage, um, to really start a conversation, to start that communication of some sort. Um, and it's our hope that that enriches your relationship, enriches your marriage as we share a little bit about our marriage. And nothing scripted, we just have a um a topic. Uh, we have our hot take, and then uh we've kind of thought about and talked about a little bit, but sometimes um the words we share with each other is often the first time we've shared with each other. Normally, I don't know what she's gonna say, and she didn't know what I'm gonna say. That is true. So you just never know what you're gonna get um uh out of this wild conversation.

Conditional Love And Personal Responsibility

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Um so many times I think in our in marriages we might say when she or he does this, then I will do that. Then I will do that. Um and that can go for so many things, so many things. Um, and and really is what we're gonna challenge you on. Um, we we challenge ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Or another one is well, why would I ever do that? Because he's never done this or that.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

And and so I think it's an out. We can give ourselves a a reason. Um it's they haven't done that.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Um it's never you.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

No.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Ever.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Ever. Um and and and part of we we always want to say I think it's the other person.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Right. Well, I think that that's just the way the world is.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Not not take uh uh responsibility for your own actions.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

And and we talk about all the time in our different groups that um who is responsible for you? You o you. Um and so you have a choice. Um we've always told our kids, um, you have a choice, you have a right choice and a wrong choice.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

And you're gonna make a lot of wrong ones.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Yeah. But you always have a choice when you say, I don't have any choice, you do have a choice. Yeah. Um and so when if you are responsible for you and you do have a choice, then we're gonna talk a little bit about today, about be the one to go first.

What “Go First” Actually Means

SPEAKER_00 4:13

And right now you're thinking, I go first all the time. I am tired.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

What does going first mean? I mean first doing Okay, what what what's it mean? Well, I was asking you, how do you turn the question right back to me?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I thought I thought that was, you know, you're gonna toss me the ball and I'll toss it back and go bang.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

We weren't being tossed. I ask you the question. Be the one to go first and answer it.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

So so what does be the one to go first look like? Um what might be a situation that you go, well, when he does this, I'll do that. When um he gives me a hug, I'll say the nice words to him. Um and maybe it's I'll say, I'll begin saying as we've talked about this before, I'll begin speaking life into him. Um even though maybe he is not speaking life into me or he is not showing affection towards me. I'm going to show affection towards him.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

When he notices all the things that I did, then I'll give him a compliment.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

And I and I think the longer we're married, we as in married couples, uh, I I I think we get less and less of wanting to go first. Because like you said, like I'll wait till he notices all the things I do before I tell him that one thing he did by mowing the grass. You did amazing, honey, it looks so great. Yeah. But I did five gajillion things today.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

And you didn't notice any of them.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

None of them. And go, what'd you do today?

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Why are you tired?

SPEAKER_01 6:04

So then you think, well, why would I go first? Why would I tell him what a great job he did mowing today? He never says anything about the things that I do.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

So what what are the benefits of that? Because right now people are thinking, well, if I go first all the time and I've been going to be the one to go first for years, why should I keep going first?

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Uh, because one day, one day, the hope is that they will go first. They will think she is always singing my praises, she is always doing this, she's always the she leaves me the nicest notes. She um does all of these things for me. Today's the day that I'm gonna do something for her. That is the hope.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

That's the hope. Uh and so as we're talking about this, um, and you're thinking the other person needs to start going first, be the one to go first. Um maybe this is an episode you share with your spouse. Because again, what if we both know about be the one to go first? Because again, uh if you're working on a relationship, on a marriage, there's work that has to be done before you ever do the work together. There's that I have to be responsible for me. What work am I doing on me? And then what if that looks like each spouse is doing that work? And now there's a challenge between this between each other, that you're both trying to be the one to go first. What what does that end up looking like? So it's kind of what I'm saying is that if maybe there's the other person isn't hasn't noticed anything you've done, whether it's your husband or wife, or if they haven't noticed anything, maybe this is an episode that you share and they go, huh. She's been going first for 28 years. Because and I'm not giving anybody an out, but sometimes we don't know what we don't know.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

We're not aware of it. Right. Um and and and we're building, and and you you may be building resentment up towards that other person because you have these expectations that they never expected of themselves and they didn't know. Right.

Expectations, Resentment, And Self-Growth

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Um, I mean, as I started to work on self-improvement, self-development for myself. Um and then it's it was a number of years before you started. Um because it was really, I mean, when I started, it was like, I didn't know you were supposed to do that. I didn't know. Right. Um and now our relationship is definitely much different now because we both took on that that challenge for ourselves. We just thought, uh, and I think a lot of relationships and marriages are guilty of, it's the other person.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Right. Because what because it's never you.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

No, because like you said, we we're not willing to take responsibility for that. Um and again, it's like you said, why should I keep going? Being the one to go first. Um when you're going first and you're getting upset at them, it's because you have a higher expectation of that. And I don't mean to lower your expectation you as in of each other, but it's understanding where they're coming from. You agree? Disagree?

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah. I do agree. I'm listening eagerly. Uh huh. I'm listening, listening eagerly to all the things that you have to say. Yeah. I do agree with that. Um I wasn't prepared to talk yet.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Okay, so you're still formulating yourself.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Yeah, I'm still waiting for my turn.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

I'm letting you go first still.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Okay, thank you. Um so again, being able to recognize that about expectations, about communication, those things that that we have, you and I have begun to recognize in each other. It it it only became about because of the work we've each done on ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Um, and understanding um all of those different things. Because we're complex human beings.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

And did um I know we didn't when we got married, and I we didn't, and and I know neither one of us got got this when we got married the first time. Um, you didn't get a book that said do marriage like this.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yeah, check all these boxes off.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I mean, everything else has a detailed list and test and all these things.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Except for marriage and kids. Here you go.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Sign your name here and you get a marriage license.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

You know, there's no other training on how to get married or to be to stay married or having kids. Yeah, or raising kids. I mean, everybody, of course, has their opinion.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

And we expect that we should do it we should be good at it.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah, for some reason, you just think you're just gonna jump in. You only have the experience of what you know. And and just like you said earlier, you only know you only you only know what you know. So or you don't know what you don't know. Right. So your experience of of marriage is from what you saw from your parents, your grandparents, your friend's parents, TV, the TV, the things that you watched, the things that you read. Um, that's that's all you know. Uh so if those aren't good marriages that you've seen, you're either gonna try to break that cycle or or or stay in it. And I think like be the one to go first carries so many different you could take that in so many different ways. Again, going back to say the chores, you mowing, I'm the first to tell you. I'm not the I'm not saying I went first. I'm just saying I'm the first to say, as soon as I go out, man, look how good. Did you do all that? You did this out here too, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

And knowing I did.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

No, yeah, there's someone else here. Uh just to I want you to feel good about it. I want to be able to compliment you in that way. And the same is you're gonna come in and go, I have never seen such carpet lines in all my life. Thanks. It's may sound goofy, and that's not the first time we do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

It's almost every time we do it, we we make a comment on vacuum lines or every time.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Yeah, yeah. We still comment on it because it still makes the other person feel good.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Because why? Because it's important to the other person.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

You know that the things that I do around the house are very important to me. Um, so much so that if you don't go first and say, look, that this looks so I I will give you a tour of the home.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

You will. Come look. Or how does everything smell?

SPEAKER_01 14:11

How'd the house smell when you came in? I needed you to know I changed out the wax.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Uh now, now I I could be like, oh my gosh, she needs to know. I'm like, she wants me to comment on everything she does. You could. Good grief. I mean, I could get irritated about that.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

But but I know, but after years of work, uh-huh, it's oh, I missed that one. That's important to her, and I kind of missed that one.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

I should have walked in and been like, Did you change the wax today?

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Because I know it's important to you. Yes. So so to me, that's a mental note. Okay, work on that. Yeah, pay attention to that.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Because it's important.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Yes. Yeah. And and and and I am known to give you a tour of come look and see what I did today. You are.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

You are.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

I would never walk into this room of the house otherwise, but oh, yes, it does look phenomenal.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Yes. So, I mean, it's just little things like that, you

Practical Ways To Lead With Love

SPEAKER_01 15:06

know. Uh, it could be go first and sending a spicy text or uh writing a love note. I mean, did you receive a spicy text today? Maybe not. Maybe tomorrow you send one. And then he goes, Oh, I didn't know we were sending these. And then we could do that. I didn't know. And then maybe the next day he sends it first. Like, are we gonna keep this game up? Because that might be fun. You don't know until you try. You gotta be somebody's gotta be the one to do it first.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

And and then it then it becomes a challenge.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

And and then you're always trying to be and you're being more aware of it. To be, let me go first. And and it really means let me be first to tell him or her um what what I know they care about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

So let me or or do be the first to do things in their love language.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Well, they don't do it in my love language.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

They they may not. And and and they may not. That just that's just the fact of the matter. They may not, but you could give it the old college try and just keep going first to see how that pans out. Because maybe what you're doing isn't working.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

So and it and it's just as your example used earlier about when it smells good and how you might you'll say, How's it smell? And I could very easily get bad shape about it. Like, good grief. Like, give me a minute. Like, yeah, but so that situation doesn't change. I mean, you still say the same words, I still hear the same things, but what's changed is my response to it. And that only changed because I've changed. And and so, again, if you're not getting the return, then maybe there's some things that you need to look at it differently. Right. You need to go from a different perspective. And and that only that only happens through growth. And if I mean, I don't know how um how we can explain the importance of self-growth.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Um Well, and I think it goes back to the saying uh you you just can't pour from empty cup. So if if you're if you're not working on you, you have nothing to give. So you have to do the work on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

And and mean and I mean, in in a week's time, we have all sorts of different conversations about the different things we've listened to, we've watched that.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

And it's all across the board. There is no theme. There's no theme.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

There's no theme, it's just all all different things that um it might be on a TikTok, it might be uh on Facebook, it might be on YouTube, it might be on a podcast. Um might be probably not something we read usually because you and I don't read much, but um uh there is a book we both read this year, though. What is that?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Uh The Fence I Walked and The Childhood I Cherished.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

And the author of that is yours truly.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Found on Amazon. That's right. Um go buy it. I need some commissions. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

And some reviews.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Um, no shameless plugs here.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Um, it's what you can do when you have it on show. You can throw a commercial right in the middle of the show. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Yep. That's right. Um, I'll even give you the link.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Yeah. Um I see I lost where I was.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Well, you were saying it wasn't things that we read.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Yes. So uh it's really about the growth and the things that um and and again, a couple years ago we didn't have those conversations. Um there was things, you know, I'd learn all that, and I just keep to myself.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

And yeah, well, because you would say, I saw this podcast. And I remember always thinking You'd roll your eyes. Another podcast. Or you'd send them to me. I'm like, these were like two hours long. Who has time for that?

SPEAKER_00 19:04

I ain't listening.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

And and and now, you know, you get bogged down in the podcast. Yes, because you're sending them. Like today I had about four to send, and I just sent one.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

I did listen to that one you sent, by the way. Yeah. Um, so I'm ready for some.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Today's that I sent you.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Yes. Okay. Um and so, and so typically when she's I this is the way I feel when you send me stuff. Um, that there's something in there that knowing each other, that there's something I that we can really gain from that together, that we've talked about, that maybe we have a struggle with, um, that we've been challenged with, um, that we need to understand better. Um, and so I'm not when you send me things, I'm like, well, she thinks that I need to.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Did they just talk about anger issues? Is she saying that I have anger issues? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yeah, like today's was anger issues. That's what it was about. And really it never dawned. I mean, I didn't I didn't take it as oh, that's why she sent that. Oh, no, it's like there's some things that could glean from that.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Um that again would do I have anger issues? No.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Like, rah. But there are times that I have to hold it in. Yeah. And so by some of those things you send are are some things that okay, that's it, that's a way to manage. You know, it's it's kind of like I'll put that in the filing cabinet of oh, that could help.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

The story of him holding it together as he had to pay that ticket. And the girl said, I enjoy your sermons every Sunday.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I'm so glad I held that in. I had so much to say, but I didn't. I mean, yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

That's off topic. Well, well, and just like you you tell me at um when we go to restaurants. And when you get so irritated sometimes, and and you have to say, people know you. Yeah. We live here.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

You have to be nice.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

They might want to come to the gym someday.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yes. So I have to rein it in. And so just, I mean, it's not saying I currently, but that's just a good reminder of different scenarios, different things. And so we send each other those different um things on a regular basis. I mean, we listen to a lot um and watch a lot a week. Um, I would definitely probably say we spend more time working on our personal growth than we do our physical growth.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

We do. And we spend a lot of time on our physical growth, but we spend more on the personal.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Um and between sermons and uh different YouTubes and I mean, it's we gotta we got it all across the board.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

And and and you might be thinking right now, well, I don't have time for that.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yeah, I don't either.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

I mean, if if I could get on a soapbox of booty, how do you not have time for to better yourself and and for growth within yourself? Yeah. I understand the different reasons for physical. Um, still again, I would argue with that. Um again, if you're if the your answer is I don't have time, um, you're saying it is not important.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Right. Just say that.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Um Change your words. And so this really, yes, we're saying be the one to go first, but we're also putting the challenge on each person that listens to this needs to be the one to go first.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yeah, because you're you're not always you can't always be the victim. Well, I can't, you know, I don't have any friends. I don't well go make them. Go take it in your own hands. Be the one to go first. Okay. I'm going to go do that today. I'm going to text a friend today. I'm going to text my spouse today. I'm going to be the first one to say I love you today. I'm going to be the first one to do something in their love language today. You know, there's it can apply to everything. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something first.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Because you are responsible for you.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

You are. You are.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

If you're feeling a certain way, you are responsible for that.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Um and you know, I do love to shower you with love and attention and affection and all the things that I will say I do go first a lot. But you wouldn't hear me complain to someone saying I'm always the one that does it. I might be, but um you know what I mean? I'm not gonna throw that at you all the time.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

I am, but Are are you saying that now that you're always going first?

SPEAKER_01 23:23

That I need to pick up No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying we both know.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Yes. Yeah, I mean, I would agree that that you you a lot majority on everything you go first.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Yeah. Yeah. But I have more time on my hands. But but again, there that But that doesn't matter. I still make time to do that.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

And there are times like I have a stack of notes that you've written me on my desk. Um, but there are times that I write you a note.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Um, and so maybe it's that day I went first.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

It's not going first every day.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

It's that day.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Or well, I wrote the first note, so from now on you can never go first. That's not what that means. No. It means I initiated for that day.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Or and the day that you may initiate is more than likely the day that I need it the most. So that's how you can also look at that. That that might be the time you need it the most.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Like I, you know, that is it, that is something she needs. So I'll write a note. I'll send that text. Um, I'll give that hug. I'll be the first one to walk in the door um straight to her or him and give them a hug.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Yeah, and not the side hug or the two-second hug, the one that lingers to where as you hug, you feel it all drift away.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Um be the one to go first. And when you're talking about hugging, um, I heard this somewhere that um about Disney characters.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Oh, yes. Uh we both heard that.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

So when Disney characters hug a child, they never let go first. The child has to let go first. Um, and so what would that like that's a game of chills. I don't know why. Um but what would you got the chills? I got the chills. But what would that be like when you do be the one to go first and you go initiate that hug on your spouse and you don't let go until they do.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Yeah. And some of you might think, oh, that is so uncomfortable. Because I do not love the hug, but makes a huge difference for the others.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Makes a huge difference. Um so so our our challenge really is just about be the one go first. And we know there's we know there's relationships and marriages out there that you've been going first for years.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Yeah. And and there are some relationships and marriages that we are not talking to that you know, that's different situations that we can't speak to. So right.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

I mean, they're they're all different ones. Um, but but again, our challenge is individually. If if if if we're talking to both spouses, they're sitting in front of us right now, you're both listening to this. The challenge is for each of you individually to be the one to go first. So our challenge is that if if there's somebody that could gain from this or maybe doesn't know, you just send them so that it's an idea, it's a thought. Um because the the challenge just really is that both of you try to do it. Um and and maybe it if you have been going first for years, maybe it's just how can I change my perspective? Yeah. And that only comes from growth within. Right. You will get no other perspective, you will get no other um knowledge unless you do the work um on yourself. And and the only way a marriage gets better is if each person individually does does the work on themselves. And work doesn't mean that necessarily it's a bad place. No, it just means you're trying to improve. Right.

The Hot Take And Final Challenge

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Um as always we have an amazing hot take that um Kim has uh crafted.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

And today's hot take is the strongest spouse is usually the one willing to go first.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

I think sometimes we view that as weakness.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

As I'm giving in.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

I'm giving in.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

I'm waving the white flag.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I'm the one, I always the one to say I'll give in. I think that's right.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

But the but our hot take is saying that the strongest spouse sometimes goes first because of maybe usually it says the strongest spouse is the one that always goes first. Always goes first.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Ooh, always willing to go.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

That's a that's a strong word. Always.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

That's what it's that's what I read.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

So so then are you battling Oh, usually?

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Oh, usually, okay. We almost call some fights. It's usually the one willing to go first.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Not always, not always, but usually. Um, so now it's can be a battle of usually who's the strongest. Yeah. And because the strongest person um doesn't look at it as defeat or surrender. What is best for my marriage? Um, what is gonna make it better? What's gonna make it stronger? Um, and when we see and and that sometimes being strong um means that we can see beyond the moment. Um, because we get caught up in the moment. What am I giving up in the moment? But and that may be maybe there may be something you're giving up in the moment, but what are you winning in the marriage? Because the goal is, um, I would hope that it's a stronger marriage as time goes on. Um, I can't say perfect marriage, but um the the prayer and hope is it becomes better and becomes stronger. Um is harder to pull apart.

unknown 28:59

Good.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

So that's our challenge for each of you to take into your relationship, into your marriage. Um and the biggest challenge is, and and we want you to hear this over and over in your head, um, be the one to go first. And when we put that challenge out to each one of you in that relationship, in that marriage, um, to be the one to go first. And thank you so much for joining us on today's Marriage Hot Takes. I'm Aaron.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

And I'm Kim.

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And we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Thanks so much for spending this time with us on Marriage Hot Takes.

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We hope today's conversation encouraged you, challenged you, and gave you something practical to take back into your marriage.

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Remember, strong marriages aren't built in one big moment, they're built in small, intentional choices made every day. If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you care about.

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And don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It really helps us reach more couples. Until next time, keep choosing each other, and we'll see you for the next hot take.