72-Peace ✌🏻

Episode 72- In Episode seventy-two, Kathleen says peace✌🏻




The content of this podcast is for entertainment and educational purposes and explores general psychological patterns. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Let's get ready to talk insecurity. Because you're listening to this insecure life.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hey. Uh, I don't know what this episode is exactly. It might be a goodbye. Um, it might not. I contain multitudes, so who knows what my whims will say. But um, yeah, I have so much that I want to say that it's like overwhelming, and also it's like, does it matter? And not in a like, it doesn't matter, but like there's so many voices out there saying so many things, and the amount of information and podcasts, and videos, and content is like just heavy, um, especially with what's going on in the world. And that's not to say that I think looking at patterns of harm and systems of harm and the trajectory from interpersonal and micro levels to the macro systems we're living in aren't important. I think they're really important. Um, but it's exhausting to do that constantly, and so maybe I will throw up an episode once in a while when I like truly think like, yeah, I have something that could um add to this discussion, but I'm not an expert in any of this. It is truly just me being fascinated by how people treat or don't treat each other well, um, and the harm that that can cause. And uh quite frankly, I think I need to stop pathologizing things and my life in general. Um, but I will end at least this. I don't, you know, and when I say that I mean I don't know. I could come back and just do one-off episodes about random silly things. I really enjoy that. I really enjoyed my Valentine's Day episode. That was really fun. Um but I just like there's so much fucking hardship in this world. I don't know why I'm adding to my plate by banging my head against a wall, going over things that my brain naturally makes the connections to that other people don't. Um, you know, I think if I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna find a way to do that and get paid, quite frankly. Um, and that's not to say that information for free isn't good, but it's out there. The content is out there, and it's from people who have those skills and are getting paid, um, either through the social media apps or because it is content that is part of their professional ready and they're using it as promotion. So always keep that in mind with a grain of salt. Free advice for you there. Um, but I think this just comes back to uh I think I said this in the last episode. I don't really know what I said in that one. I didn't have a script. Um but I've been definitely I need to re-re uh subscribe to Netflix for like two months just to watch all the things I want to watch on there right now. But um one of those is um Bojack Horseman, and it's the no deep down philosophy that's in my brain right now, and so I'm just gonna chat about that a little. Um, and then say to loo, at least for however long that my self decides to stay away. Um and that's not to say that you shouldn't look into accountability and you shouldn't look into um Jarvo and propaganda and coercive control and abuse cycles. Um, absolutely look them up. The research is there, the content is there. Um I don't really have much more to say on that at this point in time. Uh it exists, it's a reality, and sometimes people just fucking suck. Uh which leads us to the no deep down philosophy, which um in the show, Diane, if you've never seen it, says to BoJack, uh, I don't think I believe in deep down. I kind of think that all the things that you are the things that you do. Um, and I'm very much an actions over words person in my life now. I think words are beautiful as someone who considers themselves a writer, and mostly I do it privately. Um, but I've always been a writer and I believe in the power of words. I think they're very, very important. But at the end of the day, if your words, your reads don't mean shit, if your actions don't show the truth of what's going on, and so um, you know, like there's there's no hidden intentions, people don't necessarily have good hearts, they're literally just what they show you and how they act. Um, and that can suck. That like radical acceptance that that is the truth of it can really fucking suck. But here we are. Um, so what does that mean? Um, more generally, it means that like how people treat you, regardless of their intention, is is who they are, and when they show you who you are, who they are, you have to believe them. Um there's no hidden meaning. Understanding the psychology of someone doesn't really fucking matter. Um because their actions show you who they are choosing to be. And that's okay. We don't, I feel like I've had this discussion with a couple people recently about, you know, good and bad people, and I'm not here to slot anyone into either side. Um, do I think there are things that you can do to, you know, not be harmful person? Absolutely. Um, that doesn't necessarily make you good. I don't think not doing harm makes you good. I think it makes you neutral. Not doing harm should be the baseline. Um, and we can not do harm and still get our needs met, and that's the reality of it. Um this thing of people running from themselves or you know, avoiding shame and guilt and insecurity and blah blah blah blah blah. It is maybe true, but ultimately it doesn't matter because they are choosing who they show up for and they are choosing to treat you poorly, and it sucks. There's no logic to it except that that is the logic. Um, and some people may tell you this, they may flat out tell you this. Um believe them. Believe them. If someone says I don't deserve you, um, if someone says I don't want to be in a relationship with you, if someone says, you know, I'm not a good person, believe them and let them be. Because that is when you will see that their words and their actions do align, and it's not worth worrying about. Um, and it's not worth fighting for or struggling with. Um, we can't save people, right? Like, there's no saving someone else in this world, and that's not to say that if you are a parent, you show up for your fucking child and you emotionally support them. When I say show up, I don't mean you buy them things and you take them on trips. Um, you show up. If they are in the weeds, you show up for them. If they don't know how to regulate, you teach them how to regulate. If you don't know how to regulate, you teach yourself how to regulate, so you can teach your kids how to fucking regulate. That is what you signed up for when you chose to be a parent. Full stop. And if you do not have that capability, it's actually better for you to step away than to sit there and to show them what neglect is at a deep, deep level. Because cool, they go on trips, they have their basic needs met in the form of food and shelter. It doesn't mean shit at the end of the day if you're putting them in environments that are neglectful or harmful. Neglectful at best and harmful at worst. The same way animals are highly attuned to us, so are children. That shit gets turned off through the lack of emotional connection and attunement and proper mirroring. And you are showing them through your actions how you feel about them. It doesn't matter if you can take them on trips, it doesn't matter if you can buy them nice things. And that's the reality of all relationships, except in a parent and child relationship. That is the relationship where the parent actually has to fucking show up. Every other relationship in your life is transactional and should be transactional. But parent to child should be unconditional love where the child comes first. And that doesn't mean the child doesn't have boundaries and consequences, but that's your job as a parent to teach them those things while showing up for them emotionally. Um, that's my soapbox. That is the soapbox that I have for this. But beyond that, um every other relationship is transactional, and the reality is people are going to tell you things in those relationships, um, but their actions are going to actually show if they want to be there and if they value you and if they respect you, and ultimately those actions will show them if they love you. Um and a lot of times they don't. Um doing the lap last episode over, you know, the one that I had ready to record about cluster bees essentially was was me coming to the point of uh pathologizing and um overthinking and giving excuses versus explanations, which there is a difference. Feel free to look up what the difference is, um came to. And it's like we can go back to BoJack as a great example where they show the history there, but they never use it um to excuse the person that Bojack shows up as every day. Um it's the sum of our actions that make us who we are, uh, and that is the reality of it. If you feel something different inside and your actions don't display what you were feeling inside, um then change your actions. I don't know. I there's there's nothing more beyond that. Um maybe you believe different, and maybe you think there is, and that's okay. But the reality for that for me has been a lot of wasted time, wasted energy, um, and care and attention to a lot of people in my life that truly didn't deserve it. Um and I deserve better than that. I deserve better than the majority of the relationships that I have had in my life wanting me around for utility versus reciprocity. Um and maybe there's something in there that I need to figure out on my own. I give space for that. I have said for the last what eight years on this that I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes, I frequently fuck up. Maybe this is a fuck up. Who knows? Um, what I do know is I have routinely put other people ahead of myself and my needs because I've made excuses for them and they've shown me that they don't give a fuck about who I am, and this is in all areas of my life. Um loyalty, it gets you nowhere. I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a very I talked about being nihilistic before in the last couple episodes, and maybe that's just where I'm at right now. Um I want to choose the actions in my life that are going to reflect who I want to be, um, and not perceived as, but who I who I want to be for myself. And I'm not quite sure who that is right now. And I will be very honest about that. Because I know I have a really, really great capacity to do a lot of harm if I choose to do it. I know I have a really, really great capacity to make an impact in a more positive way if I choose it. Um I don't know what my body is saying it wants to do right now or what is best for it. I do know that I will be using my cat as a meter in whether I am handling that okay, because she seems to be the external um image of my overall being spent like close to$5,000 thinking she had allergies to find out that it was just me being in a really, really bad situation and she was absorbing all my stress. So, you know, um it's nice when you don't have any or very little introspection, so that mind-body connection um to have like an actual living creature who does care about you, you know, show that. Uh I asked my pet sitter, fun story, I guess. I asked my pet sitter two years ago, like, she's sitting up on my chest, and it's so strange, and I don't know why she's doing this. She's just like, she needs to be as close to my face as possible and like right over my heart. And she was like, Well, they just do that when they get old. Um, no, she was doing that to regulate my body and make sure that I was okay by focusing on my micro expressions. So, you know, her actions, even as an animal, showed so much care. Like it's it's wild um to have sort of that living proof of evidence of what you were going through, but show up in a creature that you have full responsibility for. And that relates back, I guess, to what I said about, you know, actually showing up if you were a parent for your kids, and making sure that you are showing up in all ways, not just the easy ones, because it's really fucking easy to pay for a trip. It's really fucking easy to take them to an amusement park or buy them nice clothes or a new watch, um, or a phone, or take them out to a really fancy dinner. Those things are valuable, and don't get me wrong, I think they're really valuable culture and experiences, really valuable. Um emotional support can't be beat. If you are a parent, that should be the gold standard. Um and it's not gonna show up in the same way that it showed up in Bobbin. Um it will wound them deep down. Which is why the only thing you can do is take people at face value and go based on what they do and not what they say. And I just think what started is something for me to explore ideas and get excited about sharing them. Um I just think that like I'm in heading into a more reserved isn't probably the right word. Um more intentional phase of my life where I am here if people want to have the conversations. I am here to show up and and show people who I am. Uh, but I don't necessarily need to be doing any extra lifting, even if it's, you know, for the random around the world who finds my podcast and decides to listen to little miss me. What is it, a millennial trying to explore the world through the lens of insecurity? Like, what a wild podcast concept that maybe could have been really cool, and I think still has legs there. Um, but just in general is like a really crazy way to have approached this. Um and I've had fun doing it. I've learned a lot. I uh again, I don't know if this is like ooh, end forever. I kind of just stopped last time. Um and I think this is like maybe the end. If I like decide that I continue, it will truly just probably be me throwing up an episode and then moving on with my life and throwing up an episode and moving on with my life. And it could relate to the series, it could relate to systems of harm if something, you know, Suzanne Collins it, and I go, oh god, I really need to discuss that, you know, maybe I'll do it, but I just truly um I don't see the point. I think is the easiest way to put that. The stars are all fucking weird right now. Um maybe this is a stupid episode to put out. I don't know. But like I don't really feel like I need to explain more beyond that, I think is what I'm trying to say, with way too many words. Um we know silence is the best uh medicine for that. And yeah. Shit's been really weird lately, and I don't know. People suck, the world kinda sucks. And I kinda just wanna like do. Me and get mine, and that sounds like a really, really awful thing to say. Um but what I've been shown in a very real way across every aspect of my life is that that is how everyone moves. So I want to do that in my own way. Um and at the end of the day, I have always been really okay with having my own life and doing things on my own and filling my own cup and um making joy for myself. I can laugh at myself a lot and uh I'm gonna go back to that because that's the only thing that makes sense right now. You wanna take one last breath together? Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Thanks for listening. If you want to get in touch, find us on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook. You can also send an email to thisinskyourlife at gmail.com. Music by Mies Darlene, their song since when.