The Bitter + The Bloom
Welcome to The Bitter + The Bloom, a space where disabled voices lead the conversation on magic, resilience, and the occult. Join best friends Kaitlin and Carina as they navigate the messy 'bitter' of life with chronic illness and celebrate the 'bloom' of spiritual discovery. From accessible ritual-building and medical astrology to reading letters from our global community, we’re reclaiming our magic—one spoon at a time. Stay rooted in your magic and gentle with your heart. New episodes every Thursday Morning.
The Bitter + The Bloom
The Shifting Point: Conserving Energy In The Void
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
"Power is not a possession; it is a state of being at ease in the midst of nothingness."
In this episode, the Weavers step into the "shifting winds" of one of the 20th century’s most enigmatic figures: Carlos Castaneda. We peel back the layers of the man who brought the "Path of the Warrior" to the Western world, while holding a steady light to the shadows he left behind.
Check out our IG @the.bitter.and.the.bloom to find the submission guide to our bloom notes!
Good lord.
unknownLet's do it.
SPEAKER_00Ooh, that was that was sexy. That was good. They say the most potent medicine comes from the gnarliest roots. In herbalism, the bitterest plants are often the ones that stimulate the most healing.
SPEAKER_03We're Caitlin and Karina, and we've been digging through that dirt together since high school. As two best friends born with disabilities, we've spent our lives navigating a world that wasn't exactly built with us in mind.
SPEAKER_00Along the way, we found a different map, one made of astrology, tarot, and ancient ritual. We traded fitting in for looking within.
SPEAKER_03Before we dive into the chaos and the cosmic today, let's take a moment to arrive. If you're at home, light a candle or some incense. If you're on the move, take a breath and find your center.
SPEAKER_00Whether you're holding a warm cup of tea or just holding space for yourself while you drive or work, you are welcome here. This is the bitter and the bloom. So the lemon skins of life. Yes. One could say. And honestly, this goes back to the dandelion stuff, right? Like the our our root of the month. Um, which is that the dandelion, specifically the root and herbalism, dandelion root is a powerhouse for the liver and digestion. But mostly it's known for its stubbornness. It can grow through concrete, you can try to pull it up, but if you leave even a tiny piece of that root, it comes back stronger. Does that remind you of anybody?
SPEAKER_03The stubborn bitch.
SPEAKER_00The stubborn bitch, that's right. There we go. There's another merch idea. Um but uh I was in this so like for my kind of bitter or like shitty reality um that I am dealing with this week is again, my hips hurt, right? But this time it's because I um actually went to the gym today, y'all. Woo! At a place where I've had a membership for like a year, and I was really proud of myself, and I was like, I'm on top of the world. And then of course the hips come a hurting, and that sucked. It's like because it's kind of like I'm flying high, I'm having a great time, and like I'm not like my disability is like the furthest thing from my mind, and then I like can't think about anything else because my hips are screaming, ah, why did you do this to us? And I'm like, Because I want strong muscles, bitch. Um I want to be strong, yeah, and I mean that's like a little thing. Um I would say also, you know, having to try to sleep with cerebral palsy is really difficult. Um I can't even imagine. Yeah, it's a very bizarre thing to honestly like explain because it's I guess I mean it's really not, I suppose. If you're familiar with meditation, I essentially have to like meditate to a different place in my brain so that I can drift away to sleep, which is I think what everybody does really, but I because my muscles are constantly tensing and my my arm and my leg are constantly moving, unless I'm unconscious asleep. Um I Joey, I hear you licking yourself, dude. Damn. Damn. Um homeboy.
SPEAKER_03Don't get so personal about that. Oh my lord.
unknownWow. Okay.
SPEAKER_00I wonder how loud that's gonna be. I know, I wonder. Um, but yeah, as usual, I've been having, you know, like I misplaced, remember I texted you and I was like asking you if I had left a medication bottle here.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. I couldn't find did you ever find it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Reagan found it um at the end of the bed for whatever reason. It was there, I don't know. And it was my baclefin, which is like my my skeletal relaxant medication that I take at night to go to bed, and I just had like the worst Your muscle relaxant? Well, it's a muscle relaxer, but the but it's it's specifically like the sky, it's like it focuses on the sky. Look it up, it says skeletal online.
SPEAKER_03Now I'm curious.
SPEAKER_00Baclefin. Don't tell me what to do. B-A-C. I will indeed tell you what to do. This is my dojo now, bitch.
SPEAKER_03Right? I want to look at it now. Um do continue.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I so like I couldn't find the bacclefin for a few days, and I could not sleep hardly for like three days in a row until it was found. Um because I just like couldn't drift deep enough into sleep. And if you've ever had loss of sleep, you know that shit is torture. It is honestly fucking awful. I mean, it really it just ruins your life.
SPEAKER_03Is it one of those things where like just as you start to like really fade and drift off then my arm, then yeah, your body's like, nope.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's basically like I have to trick my brain into being in a place that it's so sedated by the baclefin and the diazepam, um, and the sleepy. I also even take like some ZQL because I'm just like I don't fuck around about sleep. Yeah, like um like restless leg syndrome kind of like I mean I would assume that it's probably akin to it, it's probably mostly related, like real par like somebody with like Parkinson's could probably relate the best. Okay. Because of like the uncontrollable like movement. Because like even if I'm pinning my arm and my leg while I'm sleeping, which I always do, um I can still feel my shoulder joint rotating. Like even right now, I can feel it. Even right now, it's like, yeah, and my and that's another thing is that my um the shoulder is constantly out of socket. And that's interesting. Um, didn't know that until you feel it moving, yeah. And it's just like best way to put it. And um, yeah, so sleep is like so important for everybody, right? But like it, I I really my body needs to rest because it works so hard during the day to just like not even do that much, to be honest. Except for today. I did a fuck ton today. Hell yeah, you do. I was at the gym for like hours. Also, that was part of why I I was late to go to the gym today because I found those musc my my muscle relaxers and I had slept so hard that I slept through my first like first alarm alarms. Yeah, I slept through alarms for like an at least a full hour. What before Reagan was like, hey babe, dude, get up. He's yeah, I am I am that person, like I am that partner that will have the thousand alarms on the phone and just like torture the person who they sleep with. Oh god. Um, I'm a monster and I am holding myself accountable for that. That's fair, you know? Mm-hmm. I mean we've got to be accountable. And what are you what are you gonna do? So um anyway, do you want to talk about like what like like something that is small for you but kind of also is like everything for you was like earlier.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um see.
SPEAKER_03I'm think of like two things. Okay. So um one big thing is yesterday I washed my giant glute of a dog, Joey. And um that was pretty big because I haven't given him a bath in a long time because my arm has been hurting. And yes, my arm hurt me greatly during that entire process. I feel like it's a fucking like Olympian sport washing him. Like I bring in the Dawn soap and then I bring in the and like the pet. Damn right I do, man. He's got so many thick layers of fur and wow. Oh yeah. He he's like a two-hitter.
SPEAKER_00He's like a little uh he's got like penguin fur. Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_03That doesn't make sense. And by the end of it, I'm sweating. I don't know if it's water or if it's just straight sweat that's on me at that point. Straight sweat, straight sweating, but um, but yeah, like the back and forth motion and everything like that, it really hurt my arm. But I was like, homeboy desperately needs a bath because he's stinking worse than Frito Pie. And you do what you gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do. So um, there is that and my arm has been hurting since, like a little bit more so, you know. But then I also was able to get my CT and my bone density test appointments. Yep. There's super far away. They really are, man. I put it in for three different locations and of those three, the soonest for my arm was March 3rd. And then the soonest bone density test I can do is March 20th. And today is what February 19th? Yeah. Like yikes. Yeah. So we're just so we we're a little bit out, but at least I did it. I made that schedule tangible progress. Hopefully, I'll we'll get some answers moving forward because what's going on with my bones?
SPEAKER_00Why do I have bird bones? They really the Karina story.
SPEAKER_03Right. They may not be good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, and then earlier, like whenever I came over, Karina was changing her um Dex on the back of her arm. Right, my dexcom. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03That and you were like, Motherfucker, whenever you Yeah, sometimes it lands just real painful. Most of the time it's not very painful, but like every now and then it just I mean it it really do feel like you the needle is going in. And I mean, it it is. And it is, it is, but it's also promptly coming back out, but like it, I don't know, it just like hits a nerve or something where it's just like, oh my god. Yeah, and I was saying, like, same with like my um insulin pump, like the sight there, is every now and then it like when it goes in, it just it like it feels yeah, it feels like it's reaching my spine and down to my toes, and like you just like it just resonates all over, and then it's really cherry on top is when like you can feel the insulin going in. Oh, love that feel like I bet that feels super smooth and cool. It's great, it's like you you've gotta breathe through it, you know. You just kind of gotta breathe through.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I know. I yeah, I'm I'm breathe, I'm yeah I breathe through life every day. Ain't that true, baby?
SPEAKER_03Whether I am right, I feel like it or not. Um so true. Like that's uh the site that I have right now. Um, it was like that when I first put it in. And then over the days, it's like it's gotten, you know, I've worn it down. I've worn it down, I've worn it down, and I'm like, I'm good now. I'm good. Like I can still kind of feel it, but I'm like, it's nothing like it was whenever you first yeah.
SPEAKER_00It reminds me of like I was telling you earlier about how sometimes whenever I get my Botox injections, like it's not that big of a deal, but sometimes it is because I get Botox injections every three months as treatment for my cerebral palsy and my arm and my leg, um, and kind of like my back a little bit um near my shoulder. But uh it normally is I mean, it's painful. They're shots and they're going really deep into my body with a needle, and so it hurts. But sometimes it just strikes a nerve, and it is like a whole different thing. I am just like I have like anime, like my eyes just go like blank. I'm like, okay, okay now, and now I'm focusing on you're like, there's the pain, not there it is, like, yeah, uh crying out from my mother, right?
SPEAKER_03Um like it's just a pain that hits differently. You're like, okay, I know that this is gonna be painful, I get that, and you're prepared, but then sometimes when it just hits that spot, you're just like it really does, it feels like it is, it is um, it feels like it's like touching your spinal cord.
SPEAKER_00It does, it does, and and you're just like, what the fuck is this? You're like, Well, this is the closest I could feel to feeling my spinal cord when somebody Mortal Kombat style like ripped my head off with my spine and my spinal cord attached.
SPEAKER_03Can you imagine that, dude? I mean, I could. Did you ever see that video of like that? Um, this was like early on in the YouTube when internet was just coming to be, but it was like this little video, I will never forget it. It's so ingrained in my head. It's this animation of this some like stick figure drawing essentially, who has like a uh like hangnail, and what he does is he's like picking at it. Oh, and then it peels, and he peels it, and it starts peeling, and it goes further back more and more and more until all of a sudden, like it shows like his entire skin just gets peeled, and you're just like I have no idea what you're talking about, but you painted a pretty clear picture. It's like ever seated in my brain. It is disturbing. It yeah, yeah, man. I think I saw that once and I was like, nope. You were like, Well, I'm good on that. Yep, it's never left me.
SPEAKER_00Did you ever get like jump scared by one of those um I that happened to me and it made me cry? Yeah, yeah, dude. I did that to my brother. You did it to your brother? He'd cried. It was awesome. Best moment of my life.
SPEAKER_03Got name right. It was and like he's fucked with me so much.
SPEAKER_00I mean, as any sibling does, but um yeah, I had come across that like, you know, you're looking at the one with like the car driving peacefully through the meadow or whatever, and then all of a sudden, oh my god, or the one that like yeah, the one that I did, it was like a puzzle, it was like a puzzle where you're it's like you're trying to get the um so you're like focusing on trying to get your mouse like through this really narrow thing on the screen, and then it's like and you're like um I remember brother was sitting in um a computer chair and literally Did he fly out of it?
SPEAKER_03He flew out backwards and like onto the ground, tipped the chair and everything, and like then started to cry. We were like, oh. I was like, eh, whatever.
SPEAKER_00I kind of feel bad, but also kind of not I kind of am really enjoying this moment and going to enjoy it for the rest of my life.
SPEAKER_03It's pretty good. It was a golden, golden moment. Just like when I got him to when I tricked him into eating um a dog biscuit as a cookie. Yeah. I went to like some gourmet dog shop that like was selling like fancy ass cookie, like dog biscuits or whatever, and they looked legitimately like human cookies. And so did he like it? Well, I looked at this opportunity and I said, Well, I'm gonna seize that. And so I got it, and uh had the cookies sitting on the plate, you're perfectly aligned. You're a fucking prank queen. She's a prank queen. She was awesome, it was beautiful, and uh yeah, he bit right into that and he was like, Did it did it what is this? What? And he like made this kind of like confused look, and like his first thing was like, This is really dry. And then uh and then I was just small, and I was like, like you're eating a dog tree, you loser.
SPEAKER_00But you know what's funny is that as a kid I totally wanted to try a dog biscuit just to try it, or like some dog food. I don't know why, I just was like, I just want to try it. I don't think it's not too good. Oh my god, dude. Like, yes, with Linda eating the fucking cat food is just so good. Oh my god, it's so funny. And then all the kids are eating it, right? Um, except for Louise, because Louise is busy, she's standing on business. I know, right? Um probably making gym business. Um but and also, by the way, if you've never seen Bob's burgers, you should watch that should absolutely watch that show. You should probably like stop this podcast. Should probably stop this podcast immediately. Don't it's so forgotten. Maybe come back later. Yeah. Um don't forget about it. We're here, yeah. We're here, we're disabled. Get used to it, bitch. I said that last episode.
SPEAKER_03It takes us a while to get away. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It do. Dude, oh my god. Easy to catch. Me and Krina have like talked a lot about like zombie apocalypse situations where it's like we would both be so dead for so many reasons. I'd resign immediately. I would be like, I'm checking out.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, but and so would you, because it's like, well, I can I can see I can see that my time is up. I know.
SPEAKER_03Like, I mean, the second that there's no more insulin around, I'm like, well, there she goes. Like that there she blows. Yep.
SPEAKER_00You need insulin and you need copious amounts of zyrtech.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, so much zyrtek. So much zyrtek I need.
SPEAKER_00But uh uh, what was I gonna tell you? Oh, that um I so I went through that Hermetic Tarot deck all the way, and I found this um what was she? She was like the fuck happened to my phone? Princess of Swords? No, it wasn't the Princess of Swords card. It was like, it was, it was it wasn't the fool either, but good, good the hermit. Hang on it was Five of Cups. I'm gonna kill you. Um I sent it to my sister because so my sister is a Virgo and so is Karina. And I I meant to mention this to you earlier. Also, I'm an idiot, and I'm looking at me and Karina's conversation instead of me and my sister's because my brain is struggling. Okay. Um it is Oh, the temperance card. Interesting. Daughter of the Reconcilers from the Hermetic Tarot deck, and it's like this person, and they are have got like there's so many alchemical elements to this deck, it's so interesting. Um, and astrology and like all just I mean, it's it is a really intense deck, it is like not beginner-friendly. Um, but they should they show her she thick. She thick. They show her uh pouring water and lightning into a vessel. Um, and then I so I sent it to my sister, like I said, because I said, I saw this and I thought of you immediately. And she said, This is me so hard, especially today. I'm trying to do too much. And then I said, Intuition is wild, but I trust her. She knows her shit. Which is true. You should also trust your intuition. Everybody should. You should. You should.
SPEAKER_03Um I know I'm guilty of ignoring that, and then I you know, we find it just then we gotta learn the hard way.
SPEAKER_00I'm a learn the hard way kind of person, yeah. Personally, um, luckily the prefrontal cortex came in or is still coming in, and um I am thankful for that. There you go, there you go, yeah. Prefrontal cortex game.
SPEAKER_03Yep, yep, it's good. Get that cognizant.
SPEAKER_00And if you don't got it yet, that's okay, baby. It's gonna come. Eventually. It's gonna come. Um, but uh what was I gonna say? Um oh the earlier. Earlier, whenever you're talking about all of the stuff that you've got going on, and like the the like it's like spinning plates, right? Like you've got a lot of shit. Um the the card also reminded me of you, the temperance card. Where she was like, I'll show you, I'm gonna show you the picture really quick. Yeah. Um can we see the temperance? Wow. I know I couldn't even really completely accurately describe it.
SPEAKER_03So for those listening, just Google the Hermetic deck. The Hermetic Tarot deck and look up Temperance. Because that one is there's a lot going on. There's so much going on.
SPEAKER_00And you know, something that has been like a huge um theme in my life recently has been the fool card. Um and I actually also uh downloaded downloaded this app that is um you know helpful for uh it teaches you like actual unit style lessons about um about tarot tarot cards. And the one that I spent like a 45 minute session learning about was The Fool. And then after I read about it, I swear I just like it keeps popping up. And something that I I had never realized about The Fool is that it is it's about taking a leap of faith, you know, and going on like a new journey. Um and I and I just think it's been really fitting for the fact that we have started this podcast and we are like you know fucking sticking our necks out and like really pushing ourselves, and that is like something that even I mean for anyone is difficult, but um, you know, with with our disabilities, it's like it's a very um vulnerable in a way it's vulnerable and also it's like the toughest part of me because it's been like it's like a callous, you know what I mean? It's been like rubbed over so much, like the topic of my disability.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Does that make sense? So I feel like it's it's a big deal that we're doing this, and and I, you know, my hope is that it will reach anyone and everyone that needs to hear whatever the fuck we're talking about. I don't remember. No, just kidding. But um, you know, just you're not alone, and you know, magic exists everywhere all the time, and ooh, that's actually a really good time for me to start um talking about so I started coming up with some um some uh sorry, I forgot my own password. Um is the the low spoon rituals. So some of the things that I was thinking about were like um, for instance, let's see, um voice to text dream journaling, I thought was an interesting idea. Um, or maybe like voice memo dream journaling, because I I feel like traditionally, whenever people talk about dream journaling, they're talking about pen and paper, you know, like sitting there and like writing it all out or even typing it all up. And that is takes a lot of spoons. It does. And but you still want to have those dreams recorded to to capture their significance or like the the trends in your dreams, right? Like the like kind of study the analytics of it um over time.
SPEAKER_03And the symbolism, I mean, dude, but like what is it, like ten minutes after you you've woken up from a dream or like from sleep, you like you've forgotten that's why it's like immediately whenever that's why whenever I um so I actually speaking of dreams, I had a really amazing dream that I've already told you about Karina.
SPEAKER_00Whenever um I I had a dream that I'm gonna actually look it up in my notes so that I can see what I wrote because this was like a moment for me. Yes, I don't ruin it. Um this was a moment for me where I was uh used my phone in that way. Where okay, so it the the title of the note is Dream. It says Blue Fairy Spirit Guide Goddess, necklace, totem, ring of hair, Hindu roots.
SPEAKER_03Interesting.
SPEAKER_00So like those were my first thoughts after waking up. And then I like forced myself to lay there and like to try and remember as much as I could because it felt whatever you you know, if you're the type of person who is into um magic or peeking behind the veil, or you know, um catching synchronicities and uh noticing serendipitous moments as well, um then I don't remember what I was saying, but symbolisms it was going somewhere, and I'm sure that that place is important, and if we're meant to be there, I'll bring it back to there.
SPEAKER_03Um you know what's funny is that like for me, I I rarely like I'll remember dreams when I wake up and then you know I'll try and spin on them uh like as my day goes on, and yeah, it's like it's literally like you can feel like the threads unraveling. But then as I'm going to bed at night, it all comes back. It's the weirdest thing. Like as I am drifting off, yeah. As I'm drifting off, like I'm still I'm like in that laminal state.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're like in a liminal space where you're like I'm I'm both here and not.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like that meditative, yeah, and um, and it like all comes whooshing back, and it's like I'm right back there again. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's what I dreamt about.
SPEAKER_00I I should write this down and then I passed. I even in my own dreams will remember my old dreams. Oh, but then by the way, like because I'll remember because recently actually I've been doing a lot of um I've been having a lot of lucid dreams. Jelly. Which it I it's not intentional, it's just awesome. Yeah, but it's not even where I'm like necessarily doing super crazy shit and like trying to have fun and flying and whatever. It's that I'm taking these dreams that are like recurring nightmares of mine that in my own dream I'm like recognizing the pattern and I'm going, This isn't real. You've been having this nightmare since you were five, which is a dream where I'm supposed to be driving trying to drive a car. And whenever I was little, I would always crash the car, I couldn't control it, and then like as because I didn't know how to drive, and then as I got older, it got to where I'm like going over these really high, crazy hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of feet, like into the clouds, um, so thousands of feet, um, in the air, like uh flyovers, and I can't quite control the car, and then I go flying off of it.
SPEAKER_03Whoa.
SPEAKER_00But recently I've been realizing that I'm dreaming because I'm like, I'm like, oh no, I can't control the car, and then immediately I'm like, oh wait, I'm dreaming. If I was awake, I could control the car. And then I so then I started doing some fucking fast and the furious shit. I was like, that is like the extent of like how much I was able to control the dream. Is that I didn't, is that I lost the fear.
SPEAKER_03That's that's fucking awesome. It's like you you're taking control of the narrative, and also it's like you're healing your little self too. Like you are going back, you know, to something that you've had since you were what five? And you are reconstructing and and recreating a new path. Yeah. Like that's cool as shit. It's really interesting.
SPEAKER_00It is because like those dreams have always been so terrifying for me, and it's been actually like turning it into like a fun experience because all of a sudden I'm like, there's no rules, I'm not gonna die, I'm fucking dreaming, and also I'm not gonna hurt anybody. I'm dreaming, and I'm and I just start like whizzing around the other cars and being like, Woo! There's no repercussions for my actions. Fuck yeah, I'm dreaming. That's cool as shit, man. Yeah, um, that's awesome. So it definitely has been like really healing, and then also something that happens in my dreams is that I feel like how astronauts must feel whenever they come back to Earth. Like whenever they hit they have the gravity hitting them for the first heavy. I feel heavy, like everything is weighted, and I can't I if I'm trying to go upstairs, I'm like struggling, I'm like crawling up the stairs trying to get up them. And I can't like it, but I think it's because my body, it's like how people get sleep paralysis, and you lay there and you're like, I can't move. So it's like I can't move, but I'm in my dream. And it's hard for me to move. It's like it's the same thing about like if you're in a fight and you're trying to like hit something, you can't really hit it hard because it's like trying to run away from something. You're trying to run like you're like still right in the same place. But like lately, so like that's been like a big recurring thing in my dreams in the last like year. But recently I've been doing the same thing with the lucid dreaming where I'm like, wait a minute, I can normally walk and do things, whatever that might be, even if it's just like sitting on the couch and I can physically move in real life, thus, this is a dream, and then I'm like, okay, and then I'm I'm able to like chill out in the dream and be like okay with whatever's happening, even if it feels weird or uncomfortable, and um because there's also a part of me in the dream that feels like scared that people around me are gonna think that there's something wrong, like that I'm weird, or like, oh, what's up with her? Why is she crawling up the stairs? Like, like the gravity just got turned on to 500,000. Like and I think I honestly might even lead back to disability, where it's like the the you know, whenever I was l younger, and like the the feeling of um people looking at me and talking about me and noticing my disability and being like really obvious about it, and like just kind of treating me like not a person, basically like kind of like um an animal at the zoo also or something fragile, yeah. And um it it no sorry yeah, and so I feel like the reason why I'm sensitive to the notion of being perceived strangely in my dreams is the manifestation of being concerned about being perceived strangely in real life because of my physical disability, right? Yeah and um my hot girl gate. Hey, hey um but anyway, okay, so let's I'm gonna open up my my widow candle that I lost the fucking pen to in five seconds earlier. Um oh right. We were talking about this because of the the low spoon ritual of I wanted to just like bring it back to cap it with um that you can voice memo your dream journals, you can voice to text your dream journals. Dream journaling does not have to be pen to fucking paper, it can be you know, any any kind of collaging if you wanted, like anything. Yeah, seriously. Anything and um yeah, and that's that would be I think our low spoon ritual of the week that I wanted to share with y'all. Um for our deep dive today, Karina, um, I wanted to talk about a man who is basically the quote unquote godfather of modern new age shamanism, but also one of the most controversial figures in occult history, Carlos Castaneda. So here are the facts. In 1968, as an anthropology student at UCLA, he published The Teachings of Don Juan. He claimed to have met a Yaqui sorcerer named Don Juan in Arizona who taught him about quote unquote non-ordinary reality. So then here's the mystery. Castaneda was somewhat of a ghost. He rarely allowed photos, he burned his notes, and he eventually lived in a cult like compound in LA. So talk about extremes. That is really yep. So something though that I do so here's okay. So here's the bitter. Anthropologists have found massive holes in his stories. Many believe that Don Juan was a fictional character, a composite of many people, or just Castaneda's own imagination. He was accused of being a cult leader, and his quote-unquote witches, his female followers, disappeared under very dark circumstances after his death in 1998. So that's um we sketchy.
SPEAKER_03Were they real though?
SPEAKER_00I know, right? I know. I need to like honestly, I I would love to do a more in-depth about this. Um, but you know, it's like, how do we take magic from someone who might have been a fraud, right? Um, and so this is we're gonna get into kind of the bloom. Um, so this is where we weave in the bloom. Even if he made it up, the concepts still have value for us, specifically the idea of conserving energy. From the weaver perspective, Castaneda talked about recapitulation, reliving your past to call back your energy from old traumas.
SPEAKER_03Dude, that's like your dreams that you've been having.
SPEAKER_00Oh shit! Oh my god. I just dreamed up about that. So do continue. The connection I was gonna make was that for those of us with chronic illnesses, calling our energy back isn't just a mystical exercise, it's a survival tactic. We don't have energy to waste on self-importance or what people think about us. So the the thing that I the quote that I really liked that um I I found from him that fits our, you know, weaver philosophy is a warrior, which I'm a I have come to understand is kind of I think what Carlos Casaneda would refer to um people who were spiritually awake as. Um and let's pretend that he is using they pronouns, but he is not. And I can't read it the other and I can't, and I tried earlier to change it. She did and I failed. Yep. A warrior knows that he is waiting and what he is waiting for, and while he waits, he wants nothing, and thus any little thing he gets is more than he can take. If he needs to eat, he finds a way because he is not hungry. If he needs to suffer, he finds a way because he does not have ache. To be detached means you have nothing to lose. The power of a warrior is to be at ease in the midst of nothingness. So, you know, I would weave that in by, you know, that Castaneda wrote that the power of a warrior is to be at ease in the midst of nothingness. For us, a lot of nothingness is what life feels like during like a flare-up, or like, I mean, and even like mentally, right? And um, and it's the hours spent staring at a ceiling or the days when we can't produce anything for the world. Um, and it's that radical detachment that if society tells us we are only valuable when we are doing Castaneda is suggesting that the real power is in being at ease when we are doing absolutely nothing. And I thought that was really powerful and and hard to do. It's hard to do. It is because society tells us that our value is in financial gains or is in physical productivity, and those things are not as we know always possible or ever really.
SPEAKER_03Um and that and that you know true you don't have to do those to fucking make an imprint in this world to feel like you have a purpose.
SPEAKER_00And that and that's not that's not where your worth is, is it truly isn't, it's not where your value is. Your value is in just existing and how you treat people and the impact that you make in that way. And even if you are just with yourself all day, you know, like be kind be kind to yourself.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Which is so much thing to do.
SPEAKER_00It is. And um, yeah, I mean, it it is really, I mean perseverance, yeah, for real. Perseverance. Um, but yeah, just I want you know, and another like low spoon, um easy, or not easy, but rather no pressure homework that I would say is to try to find value in the time that you get to rest. Because rest is so important and it's imp and that in and of itself is work. Like I was talking about earlier, like how I couldn't sleep. Yeah, man. You know, rest is is a valid part of life, and it's the yin to the yang baby. You can't re you cannot function, you cannot be fully yourself without rest. And for some of us that looks different, you know, um, it's a spectrum.
SPEAKER_03You know, like I've always I I have always like admired and you know wish that I could have been like that person that is working a full-time job, going to school, and like, you know, fucking running marathons. But the fact of the matter is that if I did that, the stress of that would literally land my ass in a hospital. Like it would just push my body to a limit to where I I couldn't do it. And like having to learn how to allow myself to rest was such a challenge, you know, and it still is.
SPEAKER_00And to enjoy also like the little blooms. Oh hell yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like the little the little winds.
SPEAKER_03Well, because I think that that's what I was about to say is like the follow-up behind that is because once you are able to actually do some rest, then you realize that you can fucking hear the birds singing. You see the snails crawling to the cloud. Snail collective. You know, like you you see colors a little bit different, or like you know, you you see the tilt of your dog's head, and you're like, oh, you know, you you just you start seeing it. You'll be more present. Yeah. You're able to be more present and and more tuned in. And um, and therefore, like in that you you appreciate the little things more, and um which is far more healthier, I believe.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And honestly, like I would take that and I would lead into our bloom segment where we talk about, you know, just like little things that might have made us smile this week, um, or cool um mystical moments we might have had this week. Um it's funny because it's actually the same as my bitter. I am really happy that I worked out today. Hell yeah. And I feel, even though that my body hurts, it feels good in a way. I feel it's it's interesting whenever you, you know, you like if you're like me. My spirit does feel strong because like I pushed myself to do things that you know, to persevere.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And to, you know, do things that I didn't think that I would be able to do. And, you know, with time I'll figure out ways to make it less, you know, impact my joints less and to, you know, whatever. But for now, it was such an amazing like boost to my spirit to push my body to its mind. To persevere and to persevere. Yeah. And um I like that. Yeah. It would and and honestly, like, it because to feel pain is to feel alive, like also. Let's not lest we forget. So like I was like activating all these muscles that like I for would not have even like realized that I had, you know what I mean, like the different part, you know, parts to make up your arm and your you know, your legs and your butt. And now my like my butt hurts right now, if anybody's wondering. Gluteus maximus. Yep. The glutes. Them glutes though. Them glutes though. Oh my god. Yeah, she did actually physically broke my couch by sitting on it. I did. Thick girl plop. Hey. Um, but and then oh, something that maybe your bloom like an idea that I just had is that I brought over a couple of things for Karina that she's been waiting on for Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So since um her big old booty broke my couch, Reagan, her hubby, we've he's deemed it Operation Thick Plot, which is just fucking phenomenal. I love it so.
SPEAKER_00I got that message while I was at the gym.
SPEAKER_03It made me laugh so hard. It was glorious, but uh he 3D printed another leg for my couch so that um because I told him I was like, you either print me a new leg or you're gonna buy me a couch. Because your wife's ass is a is an issue. Yeah, it uh yeah, so we need to address this. You need to address this one way or another. Yeah, exactly. No, that shit was awesome. So like I think I don't know, like I think my so my bloom this week it was um I think it's a couple of things. Well, one, like giving Joey his bath, which is also kind of like my bitter um, because I just know that he feels so much better, and then I feel so much f better knowing that he feels so much better. Um you know, and it just like tightens that relationship. And yes, I am talking about my dog. That is confirmed.
SPEAKER_00That is confirmed, Joey is a pooch.
SPEAKER_03You may have heard him snoring, probably, or talking, or talking, yelling at him, mooing, tiptoeing, yeah. Yes, any and all of that. And then my second one was um, so I spent the day going to uh Waco with my brother, and um when we got back, I I every Tuesday nights I go to their place to have Taco Tuesday. White people taco Tuesday. Oh yeah, dude, it's the best. Yeah, and I walked in, and my little niece, her name's Margot, but we all call her Mudgy. Um she came running up to me and she was like, Tia, and she like hugged my legs, like hugged my thighs because she's like, I don't know, she's about to be three, so like she's right at thigh length, and she took both each arm and wrapped it around each leg. Oh and then I started swinging her like a swing set in between, and she was like, Wee, wee! And I was just like, Oh my god, it's like pure joy. It was, it really was, and just like the yeah, just like that pure moment of absolute happiness and excitement and love, you know.
SPEAKER_00And it was just, I mean, it's also like really validating, it makes it like as a human being, it's like, oh my god, like look at this tiny, perfect, innocent little creature that is so pure, and they like me, they love me, they and like I can put a smile on that sweet little face.
SPEAKER_03Oh man, she's she's a cutie, but yeah, she's so cute. It just killed me. I was like, oh my god, we were like rocking back and forth going.
SPEAKER_00That's a special moment that like you'll never forget. I'll never forget that, man. You'll never forget that.
SPEAKER_03Wonderful, like it just totally I felt like the Grinch, you know, made my heart like swell. I was like, oh god, my heart's going to explode. I know I really did.
SPEAKER_00I really did. So I love that for you. Definitely bloom. Children are magical. Children are pure fucking magic on earth. And I just yeah, I mean, I'll I'll say that in the future, I'm sure, during the podcast. Because I and because and lest we forget, there is will always be a little you inside of you.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, absolutely, and they never go away. They don't, and like this it's you want to love on them and comfort them and make them feel safe and and nourish them.
SPEAKER_00And that and that's part of like that, you know, giving whenever we get to give that love to them, we're also kind of giving that love back to ourselves a little bit. Or we try to at least.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. It's healing.
SPEAKER_04It's healing.
SPEAKER_03Alright, weekly seed closing ritual. Alright. So before we head out, it's time for the weekly seed. I'm shuffling the Supra deck, which is the hidden path of an oracle. It's really good, by the way. Um, and I went ahead and I pulled Perseverance. Mmm. And this deck is really quite beautiful.
SPEAKER_00What would you say your first uh instinctual reaction is? And can you describe the image?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so the image is well very very telling. It's in like a desert scene on a cliff, like on the edge of a cliff with a single little brush growing. And there's the sun in the corner like shining down on it.
SPEAKER_00And even though it's in like this oh, it's so appropriate desolate land, dandelion growing. Dandelion! Oh my god. It's beautiful. That's that is really beautiful.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, here. I don't know if you're gonna be.
SPEAKER_00Here, let me see it. This is amazing, right? This is a beautiful card and yeah, I mean, this is honestly like what the podcast is all about. It's pretty on point. It's really on point, like you want me to read a little Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So perseverance, misery, social exclusion, indigence. These are just some of the extreme ordeals many of us undergo on life's unfolding journey. To survive the dangers the world throws at you requires a strong sense of oneself and a practice of calmness within the chaos. Wow. Not all problems can be solved immediately, but all can be conquered with persistence. Step by step, the small achievements add up and open your path to a place where the spirit can rest and your heart can begin anew. As all problems are really just preparation for a new path, a new state of consciousness that will introduce you to greater accomplishments. And some of the main words are like danger, truth, thoroughness, endurance, calmness.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Right? And you know what? It honestly kind of reminds me back to so like the Carlos Castaneda, like the the bloom part, right, of the the weirdness of the bitter of Carlos Castaneda, is um that the that the power of being somebody who is spiritually awake or what have you, is not in doing, doing, doing. It's in being comfortable in the quiet, being comfortable to be alone with yourself and and that's what that reminds me of. Um, or rather, it kind of brings me back to that or that we were talking about earlier. Um that is such a good pull, dude. Right. I am like super wow, okay.
SPEAKER_03This deck is phenomenal, man.
SPEAKER_00I know. I've we've we've pulled from this deck before together, and it's just beautiful. Yeah, this is and this is an Oracle deck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, again, it's called Supra, the hidden path of an oracle. Wow.
SPEAKER_00Its illustrations are like very clean, but yeah, they're honestly a lot like our the art that we've chosen so far to do it, it's very like it's very like two-toned, it's like uh and sketched, or not sketched, but um like there's lots of like hatching. Um yeah, dude, awesome fucking pull for here. Isn't that wild? Yes, that is awesome, and yeah, and it just reminds I mean, seeing that fucking root coming out of the side of that. Yeah, it I mean, come on, dude, and it just reminds me of that dandelion growing in the concrete and being like, fuck you, bitches. You thought I couldn't, guess what? I fucking could. Fucking can't, and just be like unapologetically like bloom and grow, yes, and expand. That's awesome. I love that. Yeah, that's a beautiful card. Very on point. Yeah, really. I love it when that shit happens. That's I I I mean, the synchronicities, honestly, though, are astonishing. They are astounding. Yes, they are. So now I'm going to hang on. Why don't we do um hang on? Okay. Yeah, thank you. All right, beautiful, beautiful. Yes. All right, and we are about to sign off.
SPEAKER_03So just keep an eye out for that perseverance energy this week. It's no stress. Just try and notice where it may pop up here and there, or where you find it within yourself and in fleeting moments.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we are all about no stress homework. Um yeah, we are and low spoon, no stress homework. Yes, which is just hey man, notice, notice maybe if you want, if your intuition watches it. If you remember, if you don't, hey, that's also chill. That's cool. Um, thank you so much for blooming with us today. Stay rooted in your magic and gentle with your heart. Until next time.
