Youtube Raised Me Gay with Kaitlin | Cross My Heart Episode 9

My friend Kaitlin is here! This week we talked about lesbian fanfics, the youtubers that raised us (and the ones that were cancelled), Alexander Hamilton, miniskirts, and a DM from a lady named Paula that I feel weird about! 

Follow Kaitlin @k.aitlin.joi on IG

Cross My Heart is hosted by Hannah Beck. Follow @hannahbeckcomedy on TikTok and Instagram. New episodes every Monday. Comment, review, and tell your gay friends 🖤

Known for her viral "Tube top" video and "Dear Daddy God" diary series on TikTok, Hannah dives deep into the messy but beautiful reality of growing up queer in the Midwest.

#HannahBeck #CrossMyHeartPodcast #GayPodcast #LesbianPodcast #QueerComedy #TikTokComedian #DearDaddyGod #ChicagoComedy #ComingOut #MidwestLGBTQ #ExEvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #ChristianDeconstruction #ChosenFamily #MentalHealth #ComfortCreator #StandUpComedy #QueerTikTok #Podcast

Keywords: Hannah Beck, Cross My Heart podcast, Chicago comedy, gay podcast, lesbian podcast, TikTok comedian, Dear Daddy God, religious trauma, ex-evangelical, queer comedy, Midwest LGBTQ, Caleb Hearon, So True Podcast, Brittany Broski, Broski Report with Brittany Broski, comfort creator, coming out stories, Christian deconstruction, mental health, therapy podcast, chosen family, lesbian dating, stand-up comedy, viral TikTok, queer, podcast

Cross My Heart is hosted by Hannah Beck. Follow @hannahbeckcomedy on TikTok and Instagram. New episodes every Monday. Rate, review, and tell your gay friends 🖤

Transcript

Hating College & Being the Sexiest Bitch

Speaker 1 0:00

Oh, we both do Hamilton at karaoke.

Speaker 0:01

I know that about us. I did that for the first time, the last last time I went. What did you do? I was backing vocals like the while you're while you're running out of time. Absolutely. Oh nonstop. Tomorrow tomorrow. Yep. Yeah. We could do it now. No. Do you kin someone in particular from Hamilton? I love the actor. Like, there's like specific actors that I would No, I mean which Hamilton character which founding father do you relate to the most? Oh, and let me lock in.

Speaker 1 0:27

I'm a Hamilton sun. I was hoping you would do it in this format. Jefferson moon. Um Washington rising, I would say.

Speaker 0:35

I think I am a Jefferson son.

Speaker 1 0:37

Yeah. You're such a Jefferson.

Speaker 0:40

Burr Moon. Uh-huh. Burr Moon is interesting because what's Burr's main song?

Speaker 1 0:45

Wait for it.

Speaker 0:46

Wait for it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 0:47

I am the one thing in life I can control. That's so you, babe.

Speaker 0:54

I hated my college growing up. Not growing up. I hated college. Um, because I went to school in the middle of nowhere, and shockingly, not really many gay people I wanted to be affiliated with. Really? I was showing up to the dorm frat parties in my micro minis and my platform boots and my winged eyeliner, and I was like, Where are all the hot people?

Speaker 1 1:18

It seems like that's a pretty sticky place to be wearing a micro mini.

Speaker 1:22

Yeah. Didn't care.

Speaker 1 1:23

You've always been my most well-accessorized friend. Is that something that was ingrained in you as a child? Yes. Do you know what the two-thirds rule is?

Speaker 1:29

I think you've told me before, but I

The Two-Thirds Rule & Getting Dressed

Speaker 1:31

don't remember. So the two-thirds rule, very um southern woman kind of thing. Okay. The three things hair, outfit, makeup. Okay. You can't leave the house without two of those three. So if your outfit's not gonna be cute, your hair and your makeup have to be done. If you're not gonna be wearing makeup, your hair and your outfit have to be cute. I am always my hair is always going to be done because I think that that is like the most load-bearing one. I think if my hair looks bad, I feel bad spiritually. And then like outfits, I don't wear sweatpants outside the house.

Speaker 1 1:59

And I know that about you. You're actually coming to my house without sweatpants. You come over in your mini skirt, we get a little high, and then you say, Hey, um, could I do you have a soft pant I could borrow?

Speaker 2:09

I started getting better about putting soft pants in my bag to come.

Speaker 1 2:12

Which I think means you're growing up. I'm really proud of you. I never think about that. The two throws rule is interesting

Growing Up & Hair Journeys

Speaker 1 2:18

because as a kid, even thinking about more than one of those things would have been vanity. Like if you left the house with your hair done or your makeup done or a cute outfit on, someone would have mentioned that you were self-centered, like at church. The old ladies would be gossiping about it.

Speaker 2:32

Oh, if you showed up looking a mess at church, people would think you got neglected. Like in the kind of thing I grew up in. My mom, every Sunday, would sit there and do my hair before church, and I would have color-coordinated like little baubles in my hair. Aww. And then like once a week I was getting my hair done. And like I had to learn how to do my own hair kind of recently, because I always have either had my mom do it or like paying other people to do it. As soon as I get my money up, I'm paying someone to come to my house once a week to do my hair.

Braiding Hair (For Gay Reasons)

Speaker 2:59

That would rock.

Speaker 1 3:00

I as a kid, the only hair I knew how to do was a bun. Obviously. But then in middle school, I started playing sports, and so if you were a good braider for middle school sports, you got to braid everyone's hair. And as a woman interested in women, I think that my intro to lesbianism was sixth grade basketball team, me being the hair braider.

Speaker 3:22

Like, hey guys, I watch you.

Speaker 1 3:24

Hey, could I uh touch your hair? Could I smell your could I could I braid your hair, please, beautiful? I was just there was a line of women before every game. They would sit on the bleachers and I would do their little braids. And I would I was nervous the whole time, sweating.

Speaker 3:37

They're like, did you use gel? No, hand sweat.

Speaker 1 3:39

No, that's just me. That's just my hand sweat. Um good game. Good game. I really liked being the best hair braider, and at the time I thought it was competitive. Like I was like, oh, I'm the best braider on the team. This is important to me for athletic reasons, but it turns out it was um gay reasons. Braiding hair for gay reasons. You um

Purple Undercuts & Peak Tumblr Era Makeup

Speaker 1 3:57

notoriously as a child had a purple undercut.

Speaker 3:59

And I feel like I need to specify what I mean by this. I had it shaved all the way around.

Speaker 1 4:05

Cool as hell, by the way. You were like 12.

Speaker 4:07

And then, like, I think they called it like a quiff back in the day. Okay.

Speaker 1 4:10

And that was purple. That's incredible. I think you've said this before. How were we exploring masculinity at the time? Androgyny.

Speaker 4:19

Kind of no.

Speaker 1 4:20

No.

Speaker 4:21

This was like I was like 2014 to 2016. So like peak IG baddie makeup. Yes. I was doing this and then beating my face for eighth grade.

Speaker 1 4:31

Did you have the thickest eyebrows?

Speaker 4:33

I almost want to find like a picture. We can add it too. Somebody needed to call CPS and take away the Anastasia dip brow pomade. I was a danger to myself and others. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 4:47

I'm part of me is grateful that I skipped makeup. Makeup was not a part of my early teens because I don't have any crazy embarrassing makeup moments that I photographed. That's what I'm not saying that was embarrassing. I think.

Speaker 4:57

No, I was low-key putting that shit on. It was low-key executed flawlessly. I was really big into like Jeffree Star, unfortunately, and I'm canceled. Now I not I do not support Jeffree Star or any of its affiliates now. Um I'm gonna cut that part. So it's just like Caitlin's like, my favorite guy is Jeffree Star. I was following drag queens on YouTube and watching them like talk about their Ben Nye banana powders, and I was like, this is something that I need for buying.

Speaker 1 5:21

I know all the words you said individually.

Speaker 5:22

I was on YouTube like doing crazy things. I had like a little account where I was like posting like the cut creases I was doing. Oh my god, I have to do it. No, I don't have it anymore. Delete it. I deleted it. I have so much like respect for little me. I think that 12-year-old me was a lot more bold with everything in this life than I am now. And I think that she was just so carefree and like so dedicated to figuring out like what she liked and how she liked presenting herself to the world. So I can't even hate on her. She had that shit on. Tentos down. I I think I missed Makeup YouTube.

Speaker 1 5:55

I skirted around makeup YouTube. I'm gonna say something horrific that I might cut from the podcast as well, is that I was a Shane Dawson kid. That was my Were you there for Dramageddon? Exactly. That's how I know about Jeffree Starr is because And you did it at my birthday dinner. And you did it at my birthday dinner. So I like skirted up against Makeup YouTube because obviously that was the biggest YouTube drama that had ever happened was James Charles.

Speaker 6:17

He didn't promote Tati's vitamins.

Speaker 1 6:19

Oh my god. Remember when that was an emergency? I was like going to biology and I was like, guys, have you heard about this?

Speaker 6:26

I miss the period of my life when I have my YouTube notifications on.

Speaker 1 6:29

I'm like, that's so funny. Who

Assigned YouTubers at Birth

Speaker 1 6:31

were your YouTubers assigned at birth? Who are your top three? Troy Savon. Okay. Shannon Beverage.

Speaker 6:36

Troy Savon's son, Shannon Beverage Moon. And ooh, this is a deep cut. Okay. Allie Hills. I don't know who that is. She was like a low-key, more niche lesbian YouTuber. She was in that kind of Shannon Beverage kind of sphere. She dated Stevie Bobie, another kind of crazy pro. She was the first person I knew about with OCD. And she would post these videos because, like, she didn't come out until like a year into I had followed her. I just thought this beautiful woman has similar feelings about things that I'm having about. That was my first like introduction into OCD, and I didn't get diagnosed from there five years after that. Yeah. But she was so pivotal in like me feeling less like nuts growing up. Again, lesbian YouTuber, she made music for a little bit. Um, really bad public breakup, and now also is kind of scrubbed off the internet. Wow. That's fascinating. Yeah. Ingrid Nielsen's coming out video is big for me. I was going on YouTube at least twice a week and Googling lesbian coming out. My coming out story.

Speaker 1 7:33

I did a lot of BuzzFeed, am I gay? Um, I like BuzzFeed ex-BuzzFeeders, all gay now, by the way. All of them. I was looking up their coming out videos. That was huge for me. Um, Joey Rosefa coming out, Pivotal. Ingrid Nielsen coming out, pivotal for me as well. Connor Franz, mmm, that diva.

Speaker 7:52

He's one of the few people I still like follow, like, because I think he's a really cool person. I like what he does aesthetically. I like what he's like made of his life and like the platform he was giving.

Speaker 1 8:00

He seems very balanced and intelligent as a person, and that's like a palpable vibe I give from him. Wow, let me think of my assigned YouTubers. I feel uh almost ashamed saying this because I think all of them are canceled now.

Shane Dawson Era

Speaker 1 8:09

Shane Dawson was big for me. And I think a lot of that came from the fact that he like talked about having a fucked up childhood. Yeah. And so he did horrific, like bad things that we would never do on the internet today. He said things that I would never say or agree with, but that was like my first exposure as the kid that I was to someone else that was like currently successful and had a really fucked up childhood. Yeah. So and I was like, I was 11, 12. Like it wasn't like me in my late teens or early adulthood being obsessed with this man, but that felt like representation to me of someone that had like a really messed up family dynamic.

Speaker 8:42

We all had a Shane Dawson thing. We all had a Shane Dawson thing. Exactly. And he felt hard. The last I checked into this, he ha was saying he didn't fuck his cat.

Speaker 1 8:54

We're not a fan anymore. Okay. We're not a fan anymore. And I think he has babies now and is married to Ryland. My second YouTuber, this is

Colleen Ballinger & the Ukulele Apology

Speaker 1 9:04

horrible. My second YouTuber signed at birth, Colleen Ballinger. Yeah, I just got sort of kicked while I was down. It was like everyone, everyone that I came to like. I was kind of came out of nowhere too. Such a shock to me. As a kid, not even as a kid, as like a almost like late teens, I went to her live shows. Wow. I was like obsessed with Colleen Ballinger, watched her vlogs every single day. Then all of a sudden I'm in college. That happened kind of recently. Mm-hmm. The whole thing comes out, the ukulele apology comes out. It was insane. Do you know? Did you ever watch her? No, I thought she was really annoying. No, and that's so fair. I was never a Miranda Sings fan, but again with Colleen Ballinger, she was a person that talked about having a really religious, tough childhood and then was like a successful adult. So there's these like people that I looked up to as examples of what my life could look like in the future. Yeah.

Speaker 9:51

And so then when she also the the ukulele of it all, maybe don't do something bad and then release a ukulele apology. Don't release a ukulele ukulele apology about it. Another YouTuber that I was obsessed with growing up, uh-huh,

tana mongeau Is My Older Sister

Speaker 10:03

Tana Motherfuck Mojo.

Speaker 1 10:05

Tana Mojo was my older sister.

Speaker 10:06

That's she's still my older sister in terms of like problematic faves. She's my number one. Because I think that she has done a good job about like turning her life around and apologizing for the things that she's like done. And I'm once saying she's a great person. She's sober now. Also sober now. Also grew up like horrible parents, Vegas. I know a lot of people from Vegas. It's crazy out there.

Speaker 1 10:29

Exactly. Every single YouTuber that I loved as a kid was someone that had shitty parents that now is like was doing well or like had a chance of getting out. Like that meant that was everything to me as a child. And so Tana Mojo, huge. Do you remember um Tiny Meat Gang?

Speaker 10:43

No. Cody Co. Yeah.

Speaker 1 10:46

I wasn't a Cody Co kid. I didn't align.

Speaker 10:48

He felt I really heterosexual to me. I went to their tour. I went to the Meat Guys, the Tiny Meat Gang tour. I bought a t-shirt, and then my journalism teacher came up and ripped my shirt and it said the meat guys.

Speaker 1 11:01

Sheik, I had Colin Mellinger merch. I had I had a cup. I had a t-shirt. I had a theater kid sweatshirt.

Merch: Good vs. Ugly

Speaker 1 11:07

It was bad.

Speaker 11:07

How do you feel about like merch in general these days? Like concert merch, band merch.

Speaker 1 11:12

I feel weird about it. As a comedian, there's a lot of comedians that will tour and have merch. And I I am personally, you can hold me to this audience. Um, I don't like ugly merch. Yeah. Like if you expect your audience to buy something, it can't be ugly. And I have seen so much like useless, ugly merch that's junk. Yeah, like I don't want something, I don't want to make something that someone would throw away in the future. I would love a Hannebeck fathead.

Speaker 11:40

I think that that's what the market's missing. Okay. I would love a life-size foam cutout of you for my house.

Speaker 1 11:48

I was thinking about doing a journal, like a diary could be fun.

Speaker 11:52

I don't know. That sounds really cute because it's like useful.

Speaker 1 11:54

Matthew thinks I should do a carabiner, but I said that's a little on the nose. But yeah, basically, I would want something that has some sort of utility or like use, other than I think there was a lot of shitty YouTube merch in the 2010s. And we've moved past that point. Also, like the point of I don't want to make people pay for something unless it's really good. I also don't want to make people pay for something unless it's like ethically sourced, and unless like the manufacturing is someone that I trust, and that's like a lot of logistics.

Speaker 12:17

One of my favorite pieces of merch ever, because I'm kind of like a chronic

The 1975 & Concert Merch We Love

Speaker 12:20

merch buyer. I've got my sweat tour water bottle. Can I grab it?

Speaker 1 12:23

No, show it. Show them your water bottle.

Speaker 12:24

Um, I went to the sweat tournae once but twice, and I've got my hydro flask that I use every day that says like sweat North America 2024.

Speaker 1 12:32

Charlie XCX Girl.

Speaker 12:33

I am super we have this uh her birthday's like the day after mine or something. Oh my god, your boss, Leo's son, Virgo Moon. Crazy, horrible combo. Um, that's super useful. And then I am a big 1975 fan. Girl, we know. Stone me. Um, but they did something really cool with their last few tours where they were um finding artists that were like kind of local to the cities that they were touring in. Uh-huh. And they made these gorgeous lithograph posters, but they're beautiful works of art, and I saw them hung up in my house, and it's like it's kind of a little incorny and embarrassing that they're 1975 posters, but they're beautiful

Music Videos as an Art Form

Speaker 13:10

works of art.

Speaker 1 13:10

Do you remember when you came to my house after um a situation chip breakup and then played the 1975 entire album on my TV?

Speaker 13:16

It wasn't the entire album. I think, and you know what, you can keep this in. I am big into gay guy music video night.

Speaker 1 13:24

Yeah. You watch music videos like a gay man.

Speaker 13:27

I think music videos are an art form that are is dying. And that'll be something that that's like one of my soapboxes, Loki.

Speaker 1 13:34

You can turn this into a forgive me, but you can just say it right now.

Speaker 13:36

Like, forgive me, but the robbers music video is a perfect music video. Okay. So many, like, if you're on Tumblr for at least 10 minutes, you're gonna see a still from the music video. I think so many people one have heard the song, like the song, and just don't know it. I think so many people have seen clips from the song or seen clips from the music video and just don't know it. It is so gorgeously done. I think that it has such like a good cinematic through line. And I think that I can't watch music videos without turning that music video on.

Speaker 1 14:06

I love how passionate you are about this. I currently can't call to mind robbers, even though you played it on my TV a couple nights ago.

Speaker 14:12

If I showed you the clip, you would know the exact clip. Okay. Another perfect music video, the Rush music video by Troy Savon.

Speaker 1 14:18

Fantastic gay guy music video.

Speaker 14:20

Mail pop guys are not doing it like they need to be doing, and I'm tired of it. And Troy Savan is not getting the flowers he deserves for holding up that category.

Speaker 1 14:26

Say a little bit of something though. Yes. I think that

Music Videos Are Making a Comeback

Speaker 1 14:29

music videos are making a little bit of a comeback. And I think Sabrina Carpenter was a really big person that like started investing in music videos in the last couple years. She's doing a really good job with hers.

Speaker 14:38

I really like the um taste one. Is that the one with Jen uh Jenna Ortega?

Speaker 1 14:42

Yeah. Really good. Olivia Rodrigo had a new music video come out today. I haven't seen it. Stellar. And then Did you see the Leve music video? No. Hudson Williams, Alyssa Liu.

Speaker 14:51

I think that because I saw clips of this, the people on Twitter are dogging that music video. They are? They're they hate it. I was a fan. Sabrina Carpenter, I will always give her her flowers, is doing a really great job in the music video space. The Leve one, the clips I've seen haven't been Stellar, because I think there's like tiers of music videos. I think that like your S-tier, like your absolutely perfect music videos, you've got your choice of ones. Absolutely. I think Sabrina Carpenter, I'll give her an A plus. I'll give her an A plus.

Speaker 1 15:18

I think I would give Leves maybe like Okay, but you haven't seen the whole thing, so I won't let you grade it.

unknown 15:23

Fair.

Speaker 15:23

Okay. I just love Leve. And that's fair. I really like her music. I've seen her live. I love what she's doing and bringing back kind of music genres that like have kind of got gone away. I really like Bossa Nova as a genre, so I really like that that's what she's kind of bringing to the space. As a kid, okay, obviously Hailey Kyoko girls like girls.

Speaker 1 15:42

Is it a good music video? Probably not. It isn't the genre of music video where woman's getting beaten by her boyfriend. That is a classic music video genre from the early 2010s that everybody was doing.

Speaker 15:54

Like, why are we hitting?

Speaker 1 15:55

Country music full of people hitting their wives and then someone coming in to rescue them. And I'm not sure what that was as a phenomenon sociologically, but it is fascinating.

Speaker 16:06

That's why I really liked Miranda Lambert because she was kind of taking like the women getting beaten thing and turning it into fight back. And like I don't know what she's doing politically right now, so like maybe take that with a grain of salt. But like kerosene where she was talking about getting she done and lighting the town on fire, Mama's broken heart. We should do country karaoke.

Speaker 1 16:28

We should do gay. Do they have gay country karaoke? Wherever I'm going, they do. We could find it.

Speaker 16:32

We do I can't believe I haven't done Mama's Broken Heart for karaoke before. I can't believe we haven't done karaoke together. Hannah, and I'm gonna kill you because I keep offering you to go and you keep saying no, I can't. I have show, I'm busy. I'll make time. We need to put it in the calendar and I'll make time. I just think that you need to stop saying, I can't believe we haven't gone when I'm going at least once a week. And you've got to go.

Speaker 1 16:52

You should do karaoke once a week? Often. Why aren't you telling me about this? Because you never say yes. Caitlin, if I say no one time to karaoke, you have to ask me. You said no the last time. Okay. We're going to karaoke. What's your karaoke song? Mama's broken heart. Um, for this time, I tried to switch it up. I did doses and mimosas last time. Oh, we both do Hamilton at karaoke. I know that about us.

Speaker 17:14

I did that for the first time, the last time I went. Mm-hmm. How'd it go? Um, really good crowd work. What did you do? Um, I was backing vocals. So, like the while, while you're running out of time. Absolutely. Oh, uh non-stop. Yep. Yeah. We could do it now. No. Every sick of you alive. Every sick of you alive. Do you kin someone in particular from Hamilton? I love the actor.

Speaker 1 17:37

Like, there's like specific actors that I was like really big fans of in my youth.

Speaker 17:41

No, I mean which Hamilton care which founding father do you relate to the most? Oh, and let me lock in.

Speaker 1 17:49

Um, I feel like I'm a Hamilton son.

Speaker 17:51

I was hoping you would do it in this format.

Speaker 1 17:53

Jefferson Moon Um Washington rising, I would say.

Speaker 17:58

I think I am a Jefferson son.

Speaker 1 18:00

Yeah. Burr Moon. You're such a Jefferson.

Speaker 18:03

Burr Moon. Uh-huh. Lafayette Rising. Do you and the and I see that in. Debbie Diggs and I, I think, are just kids. No, because Burr Moon is interesting because What's Burr's main song?

Speaker 1 18:13

Wait for it.

Speaker 18:13

Wait for it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:15

I am the one thing in life I can control. That's so you, babe.

Speaker 18:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:19

That's so my OCDV, Caitlin.

Speaker 18:21

I think Yeah. And I hate that um Burr is not actually what's his name? Leslie Autumn Jr. Yeah. Why isn't Burr actually Leslie Autumn Jr.? Why were they all slave owners? I thought George Washington was black. George Washington, famously black. Famously black.

Speaker 1 18:38

Oh, Philip Passoo, obviously. Yes. Gorgeous. Big crush on Phili Philip Paso. Um recently when Cynthia Revo and Philip Passoo did a Jesus Christ Superstar as Jesus and Mary Magdalene at the Hollywood Bowl. Those videos came across my desk often. I love that. I love Philippus. Also, just all of the original Skylar sisters, so sexy.

Speaker 18:58

Yeah, and I feel like um Hamilton's really interesting to me because I kind of can't watch other people do it.

unknown 19:04

Yeah.

Speaker 19:04

Like the original cast is the only one that really matters to me.

Speaker 1 19:07

Linman Well Miranda did some transformative things in this in the musical space. And I'm giving him his flowers. I think he did a great job.

Speaker 19:14

Lindman Well Miranda, low-key, doesn't like I know he gets his flowers, doesn't get enough. No, he's he wrote a rap musical about the founding fathers. That is all. And it's one of the most successful musicals in all time. Do you know how obscene that sentence is?

Speaker 1 19:29

I like to think if my screen time wasn't as high, I would hyperfixate on something so much to the point that I would write a musical about it. I think that's what people did before phones.

Speaker 19:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:38

He like wrote it in college, and I like imagine that that would also be my experience.

Speaker 19:42

I just think he's got such a mind on him that is just generational talent, one in a million. Wow. Like even thinking about like the founding fathers, deadass, everyone were all like in their 20s, they're all like our age or younger, like a little bit older. Imagine being handed a country, and now you've got to build that government from the ground up. I think that's your dream. I think I'm like a Hamilton an Alexander Hamilton Venus or Mars. Because I think that I would be like the right-hand man.

Speaker 1 20:13

Wanna be Washington?

Speaker 20:14

No. I think that I would be a really, really good secretary of state, low-key. Okay.

Speaker 1 20:19

You don't want the heat to fall on you if something goes wrong, but you want to be associated with power.

Speaker 20:23

I mean, exactly, exactly. I think I'd be a really, really good, um, I don't know who the current Secretary of State is because I can't think too much about the administration.

Speaker 1 20:31

We tried to record this before and then we started talking about politics too much, so we had to stop.

Speaker 20:34

It's a really it's all fun and games until you start talking about the sanctions on Cuba.

Speaker 1 20:37

You you talk about the Strait of Hormouths too many times on a podcast, and it's like this isn't funny anymore. Not funny, didn't laugh. So we're doing a silly one. Oh my god, we're supposed to do segments on my podcast. But do you want to do segments? Yeah. We'll do confessional. Okay. Which is sort of like a quick round of me asking you juicy questions. How do you feel? I love being asked questions about myself.

Confessional: Are You Gay?

Speaker 1 20:58

Okay, perfect. First question: Are you gay? Yes. What identif what identity do you hold gay?

Speaker 21:05

Um, I have been walking with lesbian recently. Which I love. So um, and I say recently, guys, I've been gay since I was like 12. That was never a question. I like never really was like, I don't know if I like girls, like whatever.

Speaker 1 21:17

Caitlin knew who she was from a very early age.

Speaker 21:18

Very young age. I was like, I had to come to her, I was like, I guess I don't like boys. Fuck.

Speaker 1 21:23

That's what's so hard is I think a lot of lesbians experience that you know that you like women, but it's so much easier to be straight and like end up with a man that like you have to convince yourself that you don't want a man.

Speaker 21:33

I I like even like I was identifying with bisexual for a little bit, as we all do.

Speaker 1 21:37

It happens to the best of us.

Speaker 21:38

And I was telling people, like, yeah, it's like a 95 5. Like I probably would like that's probably a bigger chance to like join a convent before I marry a man, but like, you know, there's a chance. There's a non zero chance of everything in this world, guys. Like, there's an option.

Speaker 1 21:52

Also, both of us do have OCD, and I think there is an element for me of I guess just the way the OCD works is craving certainty. And I'm really I was always really scared of identifying as a lesbian in case I was lying. Like I was like, what if there is a what if there is one man out of the thousands that I encounter on a day that I would be attracted to and then I'm actually not really a lesbian because of that one percent and then I'm actually bisexual? And that was like a that was a hard yeah thing for my OCD anxiety to manage, but I feel pretty comfy with lesbian now.

Speaker 22:20

And yeah, lesbians.

Speaker 1 22:21

Yay lesbians. We high-fived in case you didn't know. For the audio listeners at home, that was a high five about lesbianism.

Signs You Were Gay That You Missed

Speaker 1 22:29

Yeah. Was there anything looking back that was a very clear sign that you were gay that now is very obvious, but at the time you didn't know?

Speaker 22:35

Someone called me a lesbian in the fifth grade because I liked holding my friends' hands. I was like, well, if being a lesbian means you like holding your friend's hands, then I guess. Sure.

Speaker 1 22:45

Yeah, I like holding hands. We said this, but I like I braided girls' hair.

Speaker 22:50

Yeah, it was really I was doing some some crazy shit to be closer to like people I liked or thought were pretty

Embarrassing High School Stories (Early Bird Band, Choir)

Speaker 22:57

in high school. I almost joined Early Bird Band because a girl I liked was an early bird band.

Speaker 1 23:02

I read all of the Lord of the Rings because a girl I had a crush on read The Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 23:07

Do you know how fucking long it takes to read The Lord of the Rings? Guys, sound off in the comments. What's worse? Um, joining Early Bird Band whether you don't play an instrument for a girl, or reading the entirety of the Lord of the Rings series for a girl.

Speaker 1 23:19

I think that what they're getting from this is that we were really cool in high school. Um I think we were really cool, interesting people. I was looking at a cult in high school. Yeah, me too. I was in a cult in a silly way.

Speaker 23:35

Now tell me about your cult, Caitlin.

High School Journalism Cult

Speaker 23:37

I was in high school journalism all four years. And I took the same class with these people for all four years. We were drunk with power. You were 16. I'm 16.

Speaker 1 23:49

Talking back to the principal about my leadership dude, about my newspaper duties. I would argue that that's also a very clear indicator that you were gay, is that you were drunk on power at journalism club. I was the associate editor-in-chief. And I love that that's important to you. I think that's beautiful. Okay, next question. Yeah.

Do You Believe in God?

Speaker 1 24:07

Do you believe in God?

Speaker 24:11

I have a really interesting relationship with God and spirituality. Because I grew up like religious adjacent, like my parents weren't the most religious people, but my extended family was really religious.

Speaker 1 24:21

Yeah, you had like southern southern religious.

Speaker 24:23

I was the heathen cousin, obviously. The gay one. Yeah. But I'm no, not even just because we weren't going to church regularly. Yeah. Was it scandalous that you had dyed hair to your grandparents? No. Okay, so they were cool. No. I my grandma got pregnant in 17. Okay, so she's cool. Dyed hair was okay.

Speaker 1 24:38

Um there's a hierarchy of sins.

Speaker 24:40

Yeah, she's not pregnant. Let her dye her hair. Love. Um, but I minored in religion in college because I was really interested in like the theological kind of perspective, separate from the way that we talk about it in like a just religious sense. Yeah. I was really interested in like the different ways in which people view Jesus as a man versus like a divine character, because there's a lot of contention about that. So to make a long story short, I think that I, in like a very kind of OCD sense, I can't believe that this is all there is. Because if this is all there is, and if everything that's going on is going on, um, that's bad. I also low key kind of downer part, I have to believe in hell because of what these people are doing to the world. Yeah. Um, and there has to be a hell because if these people if there has to be justice. Um, who's the one who died recently, who like did really bad things in Cambodia? Henry Kissinger. If Henry Kissinger can live to almost a hundred years old and die peacefully in his sleep, I hope he's burning in hell. Yeah. Um, but I also think that like there's so much good in this world. Like right now, I'm listening to like the birds chirp. I'm sitting here with my friends, I'm watching Frank lick herself clean. And I think that's a good thing. Don't talk about my cat that way. I know, and like a very precious, sweet way. And I think that there's so much good in the world. Like, of course, there's so much bad, but there's also so much good. And I think that like there's something very interesting there that so much good can still s coexist with so much bad. And I think that finding like the little moments is like a very spiritual kind of holy thing. So even if I don't believe in the concept of capital G God, I believe in the concept of like lowercase little gap. There's God in everything. Yeah, there's God in everything. I I go through phases sometimes where like I try and like find church again because I think that there's really like a good community aspect of it when you can find a good one, but organized relig religion skees me out really bad.

Speaker 1 26:31

Yeah, well, yeah, I don't think I could ever go back to organized religion again. I think I would like to create my dream is to create some sort of like volunteer organization that is completely secular because I think something about the church that I am grateful for is it gave me an opportunity to be connected with people in my community that needed help and provide that help. But all of that help was conditional the way that we did it was like based on your belief in Jesus Christ, or like it would come like people in their darkest moments, we would tell them that like the reason they were getting food and shelter was because of Jesus Christ was their savior, and that feels so predatory and disgusting to me. And so I think we need to create a cool, gay, opposite version of that. Like I would love to gather with people I love and give back to my community just without that manipulative part. Like, I'm I'm gonna give this to you because you're a person and you deserve food, not because Jesus Christ told me to. Do you know what I mean? You should look into what the Quakers are doing.

Speaker 27:24

Oh, yeah, they're doing something very akin to this. Um, Quakerism is like really interesting because there's like Buddhist Quakers, like it's like more so like like there's Quakerism as a religion, but it there's also like like little Q Quakerism where it's more so where their whole thing is finding God in every living thing. Um, so a lot of them are vegetarians, there's very community-oriented, very like um at Quaker weddings, like everyone from like the youngest person at the wedding to like the oldest person there signs your marriage certificate because everyone has witnessed in these this union. Um, and it's like very community oriented and it's not super religious. Like the services are done in silence. And if you feel called to speak on something, you speak, and I think that's really special, really cute. Um, really big Quaker population in Richmond in my hometown. That's so interesting.

Speaker 1 28:14

I know there's a big Amish population in the Northeast as well. So that's interesting that there's these. I guess it just makes sense because that's earliest settlers. We're getting a lot of shape up here, kind of going to wherever the shoreline is. You're stopping at the shoreline and you're not going further. Nope.

Speaker 28:29

That's what's crazy about finding there was a lot of German populations in the Midwest. How'd they get there?

Speaker 1 28:34

No, that's fascinating. The Apostolic Christians, the church that I grew up in was originally German.

Speaker 28:38

How'd they get there?

Speaker 1 28:39

Like German immigrants. There's there's churches. I think we talked about this before, but there's churches in the Midwest that are Apostolic Christian Church of America, affiliated churches, but they only speak German in the services. That's not. Um, and so we had a lot of like, I don't even know what to say this. I want to say like expats, but that's not the word, but like people that left the Apostolic German church to come to ours because they were like, it's so much less conservative. You guys are the cool woke church because we aren't allowed to like they couldn't read the text or speak the language or understand it. Yeah, we were the woke church in our area. Of the apostolic Christian churches, the one that I went to was like considered the liberal one.

Speaker 29:14

And now look at you. Yeah. And now look at me.

Speaker 1 29:16

And then jeans. Gay. The other people that have left the church, there's like three that I know of now: lesbian, trans man, trans woman, bisexual.

Speaker 29:25

Wow.

Speaker 1 29:26

That's like that's why you leave.

Speaker 29:28

And you know, and some might say that the Apostolic Christian Church is turning you gay.

Speaker 1 29:33

Based on the evidence that we have, a hundred percent conversion rate for four nickels, and that's kind of a lot. So true. Okay, next question. Yes.

What Are You Starting in Cult For? (Mini Skirts)

Speaker 1 29:43

What are you starting a cult for? Yes. Will you tell me something you're obsessed with? Yes. What are you starting a cult for?

Speaker 29:48

Mini skirts. Miniskirts. Mini skirts and big boot. I think what? Big boot.

Speaker 1 29:55

I thought you said big boob, and I said first of all, sled. This is a blues. This is a lesbian podcast, and you can and should say that. Hey. Okay, big boot. Yes.

Speaker 30:04

Because I am noticing that there is this whole thing going on where when I want a mini skirt, I have to type in micro mini. And it's like, oh no, it's okay. I guess I'm just a troll up to you.

Speaker 1 30:15

It's because of the recession, headlines are longer.

Speaker 30:17

It's like, whatever. Like, first of all, I have really, really long legs for a woman who is only 5'3. I have like a 30-inch inseam.

Speaker 1 30:24

She said, I'm so sexy.

Speaker 30:25

So when mini skirts are long on me, I think I can get away with a really short, short mini skirt that a lot of people can't get away with.

Speaker 1 30:30

Yeah. And you can, and you do.

Speaker 30:32

And I do. Um, with fervor. And I think that if I am enjoying this like zest of life like this, I think more people need to.

Speaker 1 30:41

No, you're my going out friend. You're like, you're my most um No, I'm just saying my skirts are so short. I know. I'm saying you dress really sexy. Thank you. Like when we go out, when we go to the club, you're wearing a mini skirt, and you're like always the one that's like encouraging everyone to go out and be social and have fun. And I really appreciate that about you.

Speaker 30:56

Sometimes you need a Leo friend.

Speaker 1 30:57

Well, because I think that there's a lesbian, there's a few different types of lesbians, and I am the lesbian stereotype of lesbians that don't leave the house. Like I would prefer to stay inside and do a craft and hang out with my cat. And you and our friend Kaylee are the type of lesbians that are like, get me to the club.

Speaker 31:10

I saw a tweet that was like, there's a difference between a gay man and a gay guy. Women can be gay guys.

Speaker 1 31:17

Spiritually, you feel like a gay guy.

Speaker 31:19

Spiritually, I feel like a gay guy. And I feel that about you. You know, and I think that I align really well with the twinks of Chicago. Um, I think we see something in each other, and it's not just because I always have poppers in my purse.

Speaker 1 31:35

I was about to say you and a little tiny gay guy are gonna be doing poppers together at the club.

Speaker 31:39

Yeah, and I always love to find one who has a vape and I'll have poppers because I know I can't buy a vape. I don't think it's like chic to vape anymore.

Speaker 1 31:45

Yeah.

Speaker 31:46

You have to source your vape through community. Socially. And ideally a twink. Twink vape is better than any other vape.

Speaker 1 31:52

Okay. So that's sort of a second thing you're starting on call for.

Speaker 31:54

Twink vape.

Speaker 1 31:56

Do you want to do I have a couple more compassional questions if that's okay? Um, so we did Are You Gay, Do You Believe in God? Um, online

The Daddy God Diaries Segment

Speaker 1 32:03

I do the Daddy God Diaries, which is where I discuss embarrassing things I did as a teen. Do you have any like funny, embarrassing stories from your high school?

Speaker 32:12

Well, I almost joined Early Bird Band for a girl. Yeah, and that would be on the list. I did choir growing up.

Speaker 1 32:18

Me too.

Speaker 32:18

Um, low-key, the most embarrassing thing ever thing that's ever happened to me was my last concert in choir. My choir director dropped the music in the middle of Viva La Vita and like the da da da da da da da da da du in the middle of right before they go, Whoa, he did that part for two minutes straight because he couldn't find his place in the music because he dropped it in the dark. There was like girls who were like section leaders for like the Sopranos and the Autos. She joined in trying to like figure out where the time was because she was like, We've gotta start singing, we've been standing here for so long. She did it off key, and then we all joined in one by one off key to finish the song immediately the day after drop chorus.

Speaker 1 33:02

That's fascinating that you found that embarrassing. I I was horrified. That you were singing off key. Yes. Oh, I was singing off key boldly, bravely, I would say. Like really openly singing off key because I I thought I was so good.

Speaker 33:16

It's one thing to do it like with gusto as like a solo thing. Like I think that if you're off-key and karaoke, that's entirely separate than when you've been working on a song for six months and this is your final chorus performance.

Speaker 1 33:29

I inquire as a child, fell off the risers at a concert and broke my ankle.

Speaker 33:34

Someone once locked their knees. Um the fainting.

Speaker 1 33:38

Yeah, and he just I used to try to do that on purpose so I would pass out. Yeah, I was I and I knew that about you looking in your eyes. I used to try to pass out on purpose at choir concerts, and I know that you did too.

Speaker 33:48

During the Viva La Vita thing, I was up there holding my breath, hoping that I would pass out because I thought that would be less embarrassing than what I was experiencing in that moment. Then they would stop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:58

Is nobody gonna help them? Hey guys, stop. Yeah, you were just sort of being a supporting member of the team. You weren't a stepdad, you were the dad that stepped up.

Speaker 34:05

And I had to live through that moment.

Speaker 1 34:07

Okay, another confessional question. Yeah.

Things You Used to Believe (Obama, Politics)

Speaker 1 34:09

What's something that you used to believe that you don't anymore?

Speaker 34:11

I used to believe that Barack Obama was a good person. Yeah. I think we all did baby girl. Yeah, and I think I still I think I still have to have respect for him because of you know what he did. I think there's some space for the community. But like war crimes are bad. War crimes are bad. Caitlin's hot take of the day. War crimes are bad. I miss when the news articles were about his suits and not about does the president have dementia actively.

Speaker 1 34:40

Yes. I think I don't think you're in the wrong for used to having thought he was a good person. I think we all wanted it was such a hopeful time. It was like it was like this is the end of this long, long era of old white guys being president. Now we're back.

Speaker 34:53

Now we're back. I'm really eager for 2028. I think most people are, but I think I'm eager about it in a way that's a little bit dickheadish. Okay. Because I can't wait to see who runs for the Democratic primary. I can't wait to see who runs for the Republican primary, low-key. This is like my um crackfic, I guess you could say, of like who I would want to run.

Speaker 1 35:16

By the way, I know exactly what you're saying. Could you please define crackfic for the people at home that are not as internet-versed as you and me?

Speaker 35:23

So, in like a literal sense, it refers to two people from like completely separate fandoms that people have started shipping together. I think the most famous one is Elsa and Jack Frost. Oh, and I've seen an editor too in Elsa and Jack Frost. And I think my crackfic political kind of thing right now, I think that I would cream my jeans if Gresham Whitmer and JB Pritzker decided they were running together for president.

Speaker 1 35:48

Do you think they would turn that into an ad? We could send it to them.

Speaker 35:51

Can I say something really crazy and read crackfic right now? Say it.

Crack Ships: Hillary Clinton & Kamala Harris

Speaker 35:54

I think my favorite one is I'm really big into shipping Hillary Clinton and um comma letters. Are there edits? Yeah, there's fanfiction. I bet there's fanfiction about that.

Speaker 1 36:03

Yeah. That's insane. I'd like to see it. I'm open to it. I'd like to see it. I think that there's something that happens in my brain, cognitive dissonance, we can call it, when people are gay. Neither of them are gay. No, no, that's what I'm saying. If someone like is cheating on their wife, but it's because they're gay, I'm like, well, congratulations, fucking Lations, you're gay. And I feel that way about Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton, where like individually, I do have some critiques of their politics. But if they were gay together, I'd wanna watch it. I'd say I wanna see. Let me see. That can't go in the podcast. I didn't mean that. Sometimes I say stuff I don't mean. Prank. Welcome to Cross My Heart Podcast where I say stuff I don't mean.

Speaker 36:47

I get on here to lie, uh. You have not seen the L word famously.

Speaker 1 36:55

I have seen a few episodes of the L word with my college home erotic friendship where we used to hold each other and make disco balls by hand.

Speaker 37:04

It's my favorite show on the planet, and um, this is my original point. Um, Kamala Harris and Bet Porter, who's like the main kind of one in the show, get a lot of comparisons because they're both sexy biracial women who are a little bit mean. I've never seen them in a room together. I'd like to.

Speaker 1 37:23

It's a good show, they're sexy, it's a good show. It wouldn't we talked about this yesterday, but like it wouldn't get made today. No, they really paved the way for the you know what? For Fennel Bush. Were any of them gay? No.

Speaker 37:33

Yes, yes, um, Cat Mowing.

Speaker 1 37:35

But Shane not being gay is insane.

Speaker 37:36

No, Shane was gay, Shane was the one gay one, but Kate, that's the actress's name, didn't know she was gay when she started the show. And that'll happen. She found out while filming. Okay, well, probably because she was doing gay sex.

Speaker 1 37:48

Yeah, and Shane has the most sex on everybody out of everybody in the show. She was having the most of it. It took her like the longest to find out. That's so that's something I would do.

Speaker 37:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1 37:55

That's so classic, mean closeted. Like I I thought I was just getting into method acting. Like, genuinely, my we talked about my fear of being 1% bisexual. I was like, I can't call myself a lesbian because what if there's one man that I'm attracted to? Literally, like the first time I hooked up with a woman, it was it was just a you're you're a lesbian. Like the way that I have felt about women versus the way that I felt about men is so astronomically different.

Speaker 38:18

I have kissed a lot of boys. It was a form of self-harm in college, as we all do. Yeah, and we did it. And it was always just like a very um action that I was doing. Yeah. As opposed to like enjoying it.

Speaker 1 38:30

I think I've said this before. I had an actual list. Yes. Do you remember this? You on my internet in 2019, and it was called Hannah's Hotivities classic. Okay, really cool name when you're 19. And it was a list of sins I was going to commit when I got to college, and it was drink alcohol, do drugs, kiss a boy, kiss a girl. By the way, still not out to myself at the time. Kiss a girl was on the list. For science. Mm-hmm. Wear a crop top, like wear slutty clothes, and like a bunch of other random bad things I could do. And kissing a boy, having sex with a boy was literally just like checking off the list. I had no feelings about it emotionally. And then the first time I kissed a girl and had sex with a girl, it was like world-destroying, crushed my soul because she didn't like me back. Like it was such a different experience that I had emotionally because I was gay.

Speaker 39:17

Yeah. I think our friendship was really funny because I was watching you on TikTok as this happened. I forgot about that. And now we're friends. So you knew about my sins list because you watched it.

Speaker 1 39:26

Ew. I remember you bought was it nickels? Uh quarters. Quarters. I saved up my quarters and I bought myself my first crop top. Wow. Scandal. That's insane that you were watching that at the time. Anyway, just thinking about my digital footprint in a way that makes me feel scared. We can do roses and thorns now if you'd like.

Roses & Thorns

Speaker 1 39:47

Yes. Do you want to tell me your rose for the week?

Speaker 39:49

My rose is like a rose and a thorn, Loki.

Speaker 1 39:51

Okay.

Speaker 39:52

Little entanglement, I guess, is the way that I would refer to it ended this week. They broke it off, and I didn't want it to like be like I didn't say anything because I think that I have a tendency to downplay how I'm feeling about things. So I wanted to like make sure that I said my whole piece so that I could leave without feeling like I hadn't done everything I could. And I did. And I taught me all about myself. And now next time God sends me a butch, they lamb, I won't squander it. Please, God, third times the charm.

Speaker 1 40:21

I don't think you squandered anything, first of all. I think that you deserve to be with someone that is so obsessed with you. And I'm excited that the next person that you find or someone down the line will be super obsessed with you. And you deserve that. I would say that that's better every time to tell someone how you feel than to say nothing at all.

unknown 40:36

Yeah.

Speaker 40:37

Because I said nothing at all the first time. So a little bit of something this time. Maybe next time we'll be able to say it as it's happening.

Speaker 1 40:42

Exactly. And I think that the longer that you go not telling the other person how you feel, there's like a weird dynamic there. If like you know how you feel and they don't, or like I just I think it's an act of self-respect to be honest about being into someone because either A, you find out that they're into you and then you get to be in love and explore dating and romance with them, or you tell them how you feel and they you find out they don't feel the same way. That's also an act of self-respect in that you can move on and find someone that loves you back. And so this is huge.

Speaker 41:12

Never call yourself.

Speaker 1 41:13

You're so back, and you're so sexy. Also single notoriously.

Speaker 41:17

Single notoriously.

Speaker 1 41:18

I would love to matchmake you.

Speaker 41:19

Please.

Speaker 1 41:20

It would be my dream if my if I find all my single podcast guests long-term lovers via the pod. I would feel so happy. Awesome. Okay. Well, if you live in Chicago and that's your truth, please hit up Caitlin. Yeah. Do your Instagram handle now.

Speaker 41:33

My Instagram is K period A-I-T-L-I-N-J-O-I.

Speaker 1 41:36

Caitlin Joy. Caitlin Joy with the Peri between the K and the A. Do you want to do your Thorn? Oh, you said your roses and Thorns was the same.

Speaker 41:42

Yeah.

Speaker 1 41:43

I'm going to do mine really quickly just for bits. Yeah. Rose of the week, hanging out. Hell yeah. I hung out with you a bunch. It was really fun. I got drunk with our friends. Yep. It was generally a good vibes

Thorn: The Paula DM ("You Look So Healthy")

Speaker 1 41:55

week. My thorn of the week is that I woke up this morning to a request in my Instagram DMs. It was a long message from a woman in probably middle-aged. And I'm not meaning to be mean to you, woman that sent me this. Why am I crying a little bit while thinking about this? She said, Hi Hannah, I just want you to know that in the age of Ozempic and super skinny, it is so refreshing to see your content. Compared to when I was following you a few years ago, you look so healthy. Wishing you the best. Paula. Yeah. I am a very body neutral person. Really open to whatever my body looks like being fine. I've never been a thin person. I love being a tall girl. I'm a Midwestern girl. We're typically like taller, bigger, bigger people, and I know that's my truth. But sending to my Instagram DM requests.

Speaker 42:45

In front of your salad, dude.

Speaker 1 42:47

In front of my salad. In the age of super skinny, it's so refreshing to see people like you.

Speaker 42:55

I think that like true body neutrality is like not commenting on people's bodies in general.

Speaker 1 43:01

And I think it's an age thing. Like I genuinely think there's an age group of people that think that bodies are like free reign and we can say whatever we want about them. And then I think generally a lot of people, at least like my gay Gen Z circle, is we've pretty much set a standard of like I'm not gonna talk about the size of my body in front of other people. That's fucked up. Like we don't comment on bodies. Body is the least interesting thing about you, the size of your body is the least interesting thing about you. I don't care to talk about my body. So then, like, random wake up in the morning to check my Instagram DMs to get like a I'm so happy you're not thin. Oh my god. Like, ooh. And I'm and I'm glad that she sees some representation from me. I think that's beautiful. So like I understand the sentiment, but it like it took me out.

Speaker 43:48

I saw this take no this Instagram reel, and I think Instagram reel is the most cursed place on the internet. I saw this thin woman talking about her larger sized best friend and the way she was like, Yeah, my Best friend is big. Big as a mountain. Big as a lake. Big as a redwood.

Speaker 1 44:05

And it feels like people are doing it. Like it's to be mean, right?

Speaker 44:08

Big as a red historically, the biggest tree on earth, a redwood. My best friend is as big as a redwood.

Speaker 1 44:14

Oh my god. That's so-to hell. Yeah, that's bad stuff. When I was on TikTok in college, a big comment I would get a lot that I struggle with was, you look like you give good hugs. There's a classic. You have such a pretty face.

Speaker 44:29

That's I've seen people do like, you look like you smell so good. And like that, I would see that so many times, and it would be like um like a bigger woman, like just showing a cute outfit. Yeah. And everyone would comment everything but her in the outfit.

unknown 44:44

Yeah.

Speaker 44:44

I'm posting a fit check. What the hell do you mean? You look like you smell good.

Speaker 1 44:49

You look like you're it's like no one wants to admit that bigger women are hot. Like big women are hot. Like, I don't like I don't like it's insane that you would type. Yeah, Caitlin's type also. They them's big women.

Speaker 45:03

If you're listening, call Kaitlin. Um I think that moving to the Midwest has done a lot for like people I see that I'm interested in. You love tall bitches too. I love a tall corn fed woman.

Speaker 1 45:16

And based on the demographics of my audience, I think we can find you that. Hey. I'll say it again. Hey. Anyway, bot all bodies are beautiful. They're so beautiful. We'll find you a wife. And I'm sorry, Paul, that did that in your channels. That's messed up. And I think so too. Thank you. I love you so

Closing Thoughts & Find Caitlyn Online

Speaker 1 45:36

bad. Do you have anything you want to leave the people with?

Speaker 45:38

If you don't own a mini skirt, they'll buy one. It's an act of resistance. It's an act of resistance. Um, I'm tired of people having their knees covered. I love you so much. I love you so much. We'll see you back here sometime soon. Yeah. Thank you for being on the pod. Thank you for having me on the pod. Bye.