From Rock Bottom to Redemption | DadCo Ep. 4

In this episode, the guys kick things off with laughs, chaos, and classic DadCo energy—but quickly transition into one of the most real and powerful conversations yet.

Jeremy joins the pod to share his story—one filled with struggle, honesty, failure, and ultimately redemption. From early marriage mistakes to the brink of divorce, this episode dives deep into what it really looks like to confront your past, take ownership, and fight for your family.

Along the way, the guys also unpack everyday dad struggles, the pressures of fatherhood, and the importance of being present—even when you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

This one is raw, unfiltered, and necessary.

⏱️ Timestamps

0:00 – The most chaotic intro yet 😂
1:00 – Meet Jeremy (new dad, 10 years married)
5:00 – Weekly check-ins + new job talk
9:30 – “What dad skills do you suck at?”
11:00 – Learning emotional awareness with your kids
14:00 – The struggle of being present as a dad
16:00 – Feeling like you have no idea what you’re doing
20:00 – Using your kids as an excuse (we’ve all been there)
26:00 – If you could outsource one part of fatherhood…
30:00 – Why the hard seasons of parenting matter most
34:00 – Transitioning from one kid to two
38:00 – Jeremy’s story begins: marriage at a breaking point
42:00 – Hidden struggles, addiction, and the affair
46:00 – Divorce papers… and a moment that changed everything
50:00 – Hitting rock bottom and being forced to face reality
55:00 – Confession, grace, and choosing to fight for marriage
1:00:00 – The long road to healing and rebuilding trust

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

How do they pick slim babies?

SPEAKER_07 0:01

Cause I'm slim shady, I'm not the baby. Are you on the ladies just stimulating? So won't the real straight please stand up. Please stand up. We might be. We might be. Uh oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I always miss the rob. Welcome to the Deco Podcast. Greatest podcast in the world. Listen. Yeah. Guys, we got something. We got something real good for you tonight. Special. We got something special for you tonight. Special hats. We got someone in the house that is uh there I go, dude. I'm wearing a hat and I'm already messing with it. I gotta stop.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

First of all, get a better hat.

SPEAKER_07 0:44

Dude, because you live here, bro. Houston Rockets.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

I love the Rockets.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

It's not the Rockets that we get a better hat. It's the middle off, you rookie. What are we doing, dog? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 0:57

We always leave it running for a little bit. I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

This guy, bro. This guy.

SPEAKER_07 1:02

Alright. We got we got a live audience member in the house. And we also got Tim the Tim Man. Crazy. Tim the toolman Taylor is in the house. Timmy, no breaks, is a good comedian. He's just over here.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Hey, he got a hand.

SPEAKER_07 1:18

There he is. Beautiful hand. You can walk in a frame if you want. You're not tied down. It's all good. We got this. I don't even see the show. Amazing third chair in. Yes. Third chair, why don't you why don't you head head this direction, buddy? Yes. He is a just awkwardly standing over there by the garage door.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

He's a billionaire. We found him on forget to plug in. We found him near uh Tacoma Street in Houston. Wow. We never met before. This is our first time. His name is Jerm Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy? Hey Thomas. Jeremy.

SPEAKER_07 1:53

Jeremy. Jeremy. We met Jeremy through the comment section on Dadco Podcast and brought him in.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

That's what it was. No. Jeremy's a dear friend. He's a solid guy. I think you guys really enjoy the conversation. He is uh he's got a he's got a pretty cool voice. Um I think he's gonna have a lot to say, and he's a somewhat new father, at least he is compared to me, because I have a bunch of children.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Um I'm a newer father. Yeah. Yeah, we're the newbies, and you're just like can't stop, won't stop kind of deal.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

I'm the grandfather of the children. Um you're daddy. Oh, I am daddy. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

You're daddy before you said that.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Jeremy, we're so glad you're here, brother. Yeah, glad to be here.

SPEAKER_07 2:37

Jeremy, why don't you start by uh just introducing yourself, man? We don't have to dive, dive in just yet, but introduce yourself, how many kids you got, how long you've been married? I have been married since forever, 2016.

SPEAKER_06 2:52

Forever, yes. Cut that out. Feels like for go show that to my wife, please. Uh no, I've been married since 2016, so um coming up on 10 years this year. So nice 10 years. Yeah. Holy. What are you guys gonna do for your 10 year? I'm gonna try to surprise uh no. Okay, need her to know about it because I can't plan anything.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Uh and so amen, brother. We did say dad cow, so you're gonna respond.

SPEAKER_06 3:18

Yeah, I'm in I'm in the right place, the right seat right now. Yeah, no, she uh she wants to go out of state, either in Montana or uh North Carolina or South Carolina. You guys love Montana. We do love Montana. We live in Montana. Is Chris out there? Chris is out there, yeah. So he's a mutual friend with us. Uh Chris is out there, and um, yeah, he's he's one of my one of my closest butts, just like you guys. So you guys. You guys.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

He's my best friend. Chris's big brother is is one of my dearest friends, Mr. Conrad. Shout out, Conrad. Conrad, dude. Craftiest brothers I've ever met in my life.

SPEAKER_06 3:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Crafty.

SPEAKER_06 3:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

But I can't hear you.

SPEAKER_06 3:56

Yeah. It's crazy that you don't have a mic and you're still talking. It's crazy. You're talking.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

I'm just kidding. I love you, Tim. You get it. Tim's catching straight. He can defend himself.

SPEAKER_05 4:05

Hold on. Yeah. Make sure there's no snip snip on that beam play air, dude.

SPEAKER_06 4:09

Oh, thanks, dude. Bro, for sure. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Yeah, honestly.

SPEAKER_06 4:13

It's gone. Give me a couple years. I'll look like you. Where's Call?

SPEAKER_03 4:16

Hey, dude. She's gone. Careful, though. She's gone. She's gone. Should I get ahead of him? Get this guy a hat. This is embarrassing.

unknown 4:24

I'm never gonna be gray, so.

SPEAKER_07 4:25

Yeah. You're never gonna be gray. Yeah. Our buddy Tim has no hair.

unknown 4:30

Whoa.

SPEAKER_07 4:30

In the house tonight. On his head.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

We should specify on his head.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

He doesn't have like some condition. So.

SPEAKER_07 4:39

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

You never know, though, Doug. You never know.

SPEAKER_07 4:42

Okay, let's kick things off. Let's do it. Let's kick things off, T. How's your week been? Dude, my week's been alright. Uh week's been alright. Hold on. We gotta before you start. Before you start, we gotta get in this frame. Okay, I can't. There we go. There we go. Nice.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

Can we do that without him? Because that's embarrassing. It's a little this is Dad Co.

SPEAKER_07 5:03

Can't forget Tim.

SPEAKER_06 5:06

Let's go, Tim. This is uh I wanted to get a drink. I didn't know how to I would have to justify it to the hosts.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Well, when you get a little when it when you get a drink called Itzy, sparkling strawberry, it comes a problem.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

Say less king.

SPEAKER_07 5:20

Say less. Uh the yeah. Uh so let me go back to what I was saying.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

So I actually had a great week. I actually Mr. Conrad, we talked about just a recent uh just a few seconds ago, actually had a birthday party for him, went and caught some fish. Awesome. Uh some big old bass. Where'd y'all go? Uh Lake Conroe, but in like the God. Hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_07 5:43

I was hoping like Matagorda is a bash like we have a we have a homie who lives in Matagorda who could have who could take you on a and this also shows how little you know about fishing.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Yeah. Hey, is there bass Matagorda Bay? Go ahead, Dustin.

SPEAKER_07 5:57

No, it's all trout.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

You got me there. That's good. There is trout. There is uh but what kind of trout? Not freshwater trout.

SPEAKER_07 6:04

No, they're not freshwater. Okay, let me dig it again. Uh yeah. Uh all right. Jeremy, how's your week been?

SPEAKER_06 6:10

Uh my week's been great. You recently started a new job. I did. I um I have been in sales for a long time now, and um now I sell uh I used to sell sorry. I don't know, apparently drugs or something. I don't know. No, I said I sold for uh a long time. No, I did too, brother.

SPEAKER_05 6:34

I did too.

SPEAKER_06 6:36

No, I I work for uh uh a really good company and where we we sell security integrations for like um your your your higher end stuff, your like your hospital systems and stuff like that, or ISDs or so nobody comes in like John Q it, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we got yeah, exactly. We'll stop them, or at least notify somebody who can stop him. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

I want John Q to go grow rain rain free, but I respect the business.

SPEAKER_06 7:01

Well, if John Q has the correct like ID badge and he can get it, then come on in.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

So if you hear that, yeah, you got something planned, boys. Get the ID badge.

SPEAKER_06 7:09

We can configure him and get him door access, and yeah, we can do that for sure. What'd you say? Gur access? Door access. Turn up the volume in your ears. I know.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Actually, turn down your volume in your ears. I'm about to blow up my eardrum.

SPEAKER_07 7:24

Well, that's your ears. Can I sit in my ears? We're sitting pretty. Just a little bit. Yeah. Just a little bit. How's that?

SPEAKER_03 7:31

That's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, sweet cakes. You're welcome. Okay, back to your security integrations. I'm so sorry to interrupt you. Security integrations for fancy hospitals. I'm assuming like big. Fancy hospitals only. Only fancy hospitals. If you broke, sorry about your luck, dude. Go kick rocks.

SPEAKER_06 7:45

Only what is only fancy hospitals? If you just said fancy hospitals, it's wrong, so I just went the complete opposite directions. I was like, absolutely, you're correct. Yeah. Exactly. I just back to me. Because we're we're homies. We're boys. Step our mics.

SPEAKER_08 7:56

Step our mics.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Well, okay. I don't shake hands. Let's go. Uh coronavirus. Coronavirus. I'm joking.

SPEAKER_06 8:03

I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. The pal got us had a uh we had a good run.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Yeah, it's a good time. Okay, security integration. You I'm assuming you do churches as well.

SPEAKER_06 8:11

Yeah, yeah, we we do we've done the current church that I'm serving at and attend. Um, but for the most part, um we kind of do huge scale. So we usually deal with like just enterprise level. So it's gotta be a company that's gonna be partnering with us. It's not just sorry, I'm getting into work mode. But yeah, my week's good. I worked for a really good company, and it's something that I'm really passionate about now, and something that um I feel uh like the the company I work for has a really good character that aligns with my values. So I was really excited whenever that came together and we were able to align that.

SPEAKER_07 8:53

So yeah, if you're looking for security, security Jeremy Beadle at PrepTech.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

Not not private security. No, not private security.

SPEAKER_04 9:02

I can't.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

If you need a bodyguard, if you need a bodyguard, if you don't, call your bully. No, you don't, send us a message. So Jeremy, you were five nine and a half. You know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to I'm 5'9.5 exactly.

SPEAKER_06 9:15

I ain't trying to I ain't trying to guard nothing.

SPEAKER_07 9:18

Yeah, yeah. Dude, you always at least shoot for the next or your 5'10.

SPEAKER_06 9:22

31. I've given up on that. My wife's locked in. I've I've locked down a wife, so I'm not, you know what I'm saying? She's stuck with me.

SPEAKER_07 9:30

Yeah. Uh well sick, man. So you've had a good you've have you had a good week? Yeah. Yeah. I've had a great week. I've had a yeah. You yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

We're so good at this, right? Yeah. Awesome.

SPEAKER_04 9:42

We're so good at this. Where you work, you had a good week.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

All right, guys, thanks for tuning in at that comf.

SPEAKER_06 9:49

What the f very special guest. Yeah. Very special. All right, guys. First question.

SPEAKER_07 9:54

Let's first question straight into it. Of the pod. Yeah. What dad skills do you absolutely suck at?

SPEAKER_06 10:05

Oh man. There's a lot of general skills I suck at. Um dad specific. Ooh. I would say, excuse me. I would say I suck at being sensitive to my two-year-old and his problems. Because my problems are like, I gotta worry about a mortgage, I gotta worry about is everybody like fed? We got food, we got shelter, like just kind of core like things as a provider of like making sure everybody's taken care of, that nobody's trying to, you know, everybody's safe and all this stuff. And you know, as an adult, anybody, I'm 31, anybody's 31, who's been through life in any facet, you have gone through hard things. Well, my two-year-old really hasn't. And so his capacity for doing hard stuff is like, wait, I can't wear my shoes inside.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

Right.

SPEAKER_06 11:03

What?

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:04

Are you kidding me? And so what kind of father are you? So instead of like, so I mean, my wife tells me all the time, like, I need to be more like sensitive to that. And yes, we discipline, we put boundaries in place with him, but don't just leave it at that. Don't just put it in a boundary and then just let him deal with it. It's like, no, if you teach him how to uh my my two-year-old, my son, if you teach him how to deal with his emotions now with the little things, he can come to you and he will also be more equipped in the bigger things and later on in life. And so we're trying to adopt that. We're trying to uh really instill that in our kids and the way we parent. And so try to be more thoughtful in that and not just here's the boundary, there you go, you figured out a boundary. It's like, no, there's here's the boundary, but it doesn't change why the boundary. Here's the why the boundary, but it also doesn't change your identity. Right. The value I put in you does not change just because I'm I'm putting this boundary here. Yeah, yeah. And so that's something I suck at and that I'm trying to get better at.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

That's a good one, dude. That's actually really good.

SPEAKER_07 12:09

Yeah. Um I I uh um love that you just went straight into the depth because my the dad skill that I suck at is building stuff.

SPEAKER_06 12:23

What are you talking about? Hence the dirt bikes. Slipping the dirt bikes. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's mine. I'm gonna steal that from you because I have you literally, when I got here, you were like, You see the sink? We just got it. I put it in myself. I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_07 12:36

But sync you just drop in, though. Yeah. Yeah, but you like also.

SPEAKER_06 12:40

But then I was like, Do you guys have like a like a food processor or whatever it's called? And you were like, yeah, you're like, oh, I plugged it in. No, no, he's like, he's like, I had to don't diminish what I'm trying to say. You like had to retrofit like some like stabilization thing for it because it was to the left and the end of it to the right, and then you had to like and you're like, yeah, you had to custom build it, custom do it, whatever. And I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna hire somebody to do that. So uh that's fair. Yeah, that's not that's not me. So I I'm gonna steal that one if we're being unserious.

SPEAKER_07 13:10

Okay, okay. I think compared to my co-host, I really suck at building things. Yeah, that's true. Hey, hey, hey. I had to call him to install a fan once. And I was like, dude, there's my there's two wires on this fan. And I had to call Thomas to figure out two wires. Which one's negative?

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah, positive and negative. That's what they're doing. No, hot neutral, I think is the word. But yeah, yeah, no, it's okay.

SPEAKER_07 13:41

Dang. I will say that the builders like screwed up the switch. It's becoming more eminent that they're talking through how to figure that out mistake.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

Um I don't know how to go for that. Um, my one thing I'll suck. I think I'm gonna piggyback off Jeremy a little bit because um I got a I got a little girl, and I think it's it's hard for dad sometimes to change that vein of thinking when you're coming home and you're you're working hard and you're having to do all these, make all these decisions and get things done and da-da-da-da-da. And then and then come home and kind of turn that off and just be play dad.

SPEAKER_07 14:17

Um, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

So I think I'm I think I'm decent at it, but I don't feel like I'm good enough at it. Does that make sense? So uh and I'm sure it's a lot of y'all hear that? I'm sure that is a that is an issue for a lot of dads as well. Um that maybe they don't feel like they have the capacity to do stuff at home like they really, really want. So that's me.

SPEAKER_06 14:39

The Ministry of Presence.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

The min Ooh, that's good.

SPEAKER_06 14:42

Ministry of Presence.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

That's a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_06 14:45

Yeah, that's yeah. We need to handle these letters. I love that. I love that so much.

SPEAKER_07 14:53

Well, um my girl is uh only eight months right now, so we're not in like that playtime phase yet. I will say that like she needs she seems to need all my attention when I show up, like when I when I get home from work. Um sorry, I guess I could probably fit in that box too, fit in that mold. Sure. Um Yeah, yeah. Alright. Have you guys or Jeremy? Jeremy, have you ever felt like um you have absolutely no idea what you're doing as a father?

SPEAKER_03 15:34

Like two hours ago, guys. I was gonna say, what time is it?

SPEAKER_06 15:38

Uh yeah, all the all the time. Um I I I wrestle with that all the time. Um my wife is really good about giving me encouragement on that. On that front, she's a she's a phenomenal helper in that, and she's really, really encouraging. Um, like out of the blue, be like, you know what, you're such a good dad. And I'm like, that just melts me. Yeah. Because you know, you're always overanalyzing, always thinking about the future. You're the worst dude in the world. Wow. Yeah, like I'm just like, man, I I yelled at my kid, and and and now he's now he's gonna be a psychopath. He's gonna be a psychopath, he's gonna deal with the same stuff I dealt with. And reality, it's like like I just want to be quick because I'm gonna make mistakes like that, right? Uh but I want to be quick to quick to to reconcile that, quick to to love. And so quick to show yourself grace. Yeah, quick to show myself grace.

SPEAKER_07 16:31

Like, yeah, that I think that's something I've learned. Um, just um even before fatherhood, that's something that I kind of learned about myself, is that when I when I screw up, I like I I feel like I really, really, really screw up and I will go down into the depths of hell until somebody pulls me out. Sure. Right. And I had to teach myself like when I when I mess up on anything, you know, my wife and I, we get into uh a little argument or something, I go down in the depths, right? I had to learn how to immediately show myself grace.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

Or like when you mess up like wearing outfits to a podcast, stuff like that. What is that is that example? Like when you when you when you put on a hat, that's a rocket hat, and you thought, mmm, this is a good choice. Like that one?

SPEAKER_06 17:16

Yeah, yeah. You're the most out-of-pocket person I've ever met.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Hey, hey, hey, hey, what, dude?

SPEAKER_06 17:24

You're the most pocket. Out of pocket.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

First of all, it's not sorry, you're too old for me.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

I was gonna say it's a little bit what'd you just call me out of pocket! I got four pockets on me right now, bro.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

Is that a slur?

SPEAKER_02 17:37

What do you mean out of pocket, dog?

SPEAKER_06 17:39

No. Uh you're it's just you're just a random fella, and you just have thoughts that fella that no one else has, but hey fella. Hey, fella. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Anyway, sorry, I didn't interrupt you. If you did. If you did, I didn't mean to interrupt you. It's your whole thing. That's what I do, actually. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:57

It's part of the reason why I really, really freaking messed up tonight. What do you mean? Wearing this hat, dude. Yeah, I was like, about your wife's good. I screwed up. She's up there mad right now. You're like stomping.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

She's stupid. She's like deliberately just making all the noise. Yeah. Yeah. I'm vacuuming.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Dude, that'd be hilarious. Luckily, your wife is a wonderful person. So uh she wouldn't do anything silly like that. She's incredible.

SPEAKER_07 18:30

She's like the nicest, yeah. Like literally last night, uh, we're talking about going in the depths, right? I uh kind of start going in the depths. I I didn't screw up, I just started really overthinking. When I overthink, I like really, really overthink. Um, so this isn't a flex or anything if you're listening. It's just something that has happened, and uh we are trying to steward it as best as we can. Um but uh uh we gained a lot of traction really fast, and I started asking myself, like, am I a bad person? Because uh like we're not trying to be famous, we're not trying to be influencers, we're not trying to get that route right. And I'm like, man, what are people gonna think about me that I've now turned this like vision into this, you know, clickbait, whatever, yada yada yada. And I was just going and going and going, and now I just you know.

SPEAKER_06 19:29

Yeah, can I speak to that real quick? I s you told me about um and it kind of took off a little bit, and and you it's really exciting and all this stuff, and I just like it's just like I had this I've known you for a long time, and I've known not as long as me.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Go ahead. Okay. Sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 19:49

Best co-host. Uh see it's this whole thing interrupting. I've known you for a long time, and I just wanted to let you know that like I'm so proud of you for doing this and for it taking off. I I have no doubt that anything you were ever gonna do creatively wasn't gonna take off. Like not a doubt, because I just know the purity in your heart and in what you do, um, and it's it's from your actions. Like obviously we'll get into it, but whenever you first met me, like I know the purity of like I know the intention of your heart is not for uh for fame's sake. And I know it's for the genuine outreach of other dads and other men.

SPEAKER_07 20:31

Yeah, like just guys in general, man. Just guys in general.

SPEAKER_06 20:34

And I think that is super evident in any conversation you have about fatherhood, any conversation you have about being a dad or a husband or just being a friend. And so um that's true, man. Yeah, man, your your your authenticity is oozing from you. And so you don't have to worry about nothing, dude.

SPEAKER_07 20:51

So I appreciate that, man. Yeah, whatever. Tell that to my dad. Go ahead. Never mind.

SPEAKER_06 20:56

There he goes down himself.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Uh whatever, whatever traction there is too, bro. Um it's just that, it's just traction. Like you being you is what makes that pop and what makes it popular, what made that real go crazy was because you were just you. And and I think I think that's what people are gonna find here is that there's like Jeremy was saying, is this authenticity that you bring to the table that is just easy to easy to play off of, bro. So as your co-host, I just want to say, just like Jeremy, I agree. So take everything he said and say did it. Yeah, right, right. I've known him longer. I've known him longer, and I've known him longer. Matter of fact, let's clip just me talking that whole time, not him.

SPEAKER_04 21:45

Yes. No, I'm joking. Tim, can we get that pose?

SPEAKER_07 21:49

Yeah, get that posing. Okay, have you ever uh faked an emergency to get out of something?

SPEAKER_04 21:58

Uh What do you mean?

SPEAKER_07 22:00

With with your kids specifically. Have you ever faked an emergency? Say you're with my kids. Yeah, like you use your kids as a scapegoat.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Listen, bro. Listen, can I can I take this one? I own a business, dude. So every time my client is being stupid, I'm like, dude, my kid broke his arm. I gotta that's an eight time. Dude, he broke both his arms. He's he's he's in two casts. He's walking a little bit, but we'll see. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

But uh like every time you pick up his choice, and so he trips and he could break a leg. See you next week with the two dates there.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

My other kid's mute. I don't understand what happened. He ate some taco. Now he's mute. We gotta take him to the hospital. I can't go and measure your house. He's mute. I can't measure your house, bro. I'm just saying, I use it all the time.

SPEAKER_07 22:43

Can't paint your house, mother boys mute.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

I'm never getting another job again. This is great. Everybody's looking clients, are friends of mine on Instagram and they're like.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

That's why he didn't about to call you a job in time.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

That made sense.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

It wasn't an inventory backlogger's kid.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Call him tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Hey, something about to come out.

SPEAKER_07 23:02

Dude, just disregard it.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

Not your not wasn't your job.

SPEAKER_07 23:06

Uh I haven't yet. But I'm waiting for the day that I can. Oh yeah, you're it's still cracking. Because when I say my daughter's sick, like she's like actually sick. Right, right. So uh, but I can't wait. So, like, you know, we want to go have a daddy-daughter date.

SPEAKER_06 23:25

Oh my the worst thing is like when you want to go and your kid's sick, you're like, oh come on.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Yeah, it's actually worse the other way. Oh my god. So true, dude. You're like so much work. I want to go do this thing, but this little runt is, you know. I didn't say it like that. He's got a snot in his mouth, and I can't do nothing. You know what I mean? I just say like I love him, but you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Kind of popular.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Kind of dead are you?

SPEAKER_03 23:46

Listen, I got I got three boys, so you don't know which one I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_04 23:50

Nope. Yeah. So they're equally upset.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Equally bad about what I just said. Forever living on the internet. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 23:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 23:57

Um, no, I think um I've never been one to use like my kid as an excuse. I just I I I suck at lying these days. I really do. I suck at it. But I will tell you, we had like uh a kid thing, a kid related event we had to do. And then somebody invited us to something. They're like uh uh friends of ours, they're not super close, but they're friends, and we really didn't want to go. And so we were like, oh my gosh, we're we're like, thank god we are busy. And so we're like, oh my god, sorry, so sorry we're missing this. Um, we can't make it, we've got you know, the the boys, whatever, and then they were like, Cool, no worries, love you guys, we'll hang out soon, never do it again, and then nice, and then his thing got canceled, but I didn't tell him. So that's the closest thing I've got to using my child to get out of something because it was legit and then it wasn't, and then I just stayed home and we were talking about and we watched no, I did not just Nacho Libre. What was I supposed to do? So we stayed home and watched Nacho Libre. He's talking about me and my wife.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

I mean, I would never do something that cruel, you may be going to hell, bro. That's pretty rough.

SPEAKER_04 25:14

Yeah, dude. That's a rough win. My life is a whirlwind, dude. I'm 31 with a mortgage and two kids. Woo! Woo!

SPEAKER_07 25:22

Hey, my life's a whirlwind.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

Heck yeah.

SPEAKER_07 25:24

Yeah. Imagine, dude, imagine being like 22 and having a mortgage and kids and all that. Yikes. Imagine being 22 and not having a house. That was our parents. Yeah. Literally our parents. What are we talking about, bro? My parents. My parents bought their first house when my dad was like 21 years old.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

You don't even know who your dad is. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_07 25:47

Bro.

SPEAKER_04 25:48

Bro. But that out, Thomas. You're fired. Uh nice.

SPEAKER_06 25:59

What do we got on him? What do we got on him?

SPEAKER_07 26:01

I got so much on him. All right. Oh no. Gloves off. I got so much. Yeah. Huh? No, it's it's this one. We need new mics. I'm sorry, they'll joke. Release some merch. I know. So we can get mics. Merch coming, bro. Test merch. We really gotta dude.

SPEAKER_06 26:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 26:22

French press. He's in security. Okay, is there anything about or if you could outsource one part of fatherhood, what would it be? So you could get on uh like some hiring page, and there are guys on there like, I'll change diapers, you know, change baby diapers. Uh if you could outsource one thing of fatherhood, what would it be?

SPEAKER_06 26:49

Uh you know, if I was younger, I would have to do that. It's such a weird question, but I yeah, I get it. It's good. Yeah. Um if I was like I when I first had my son, I I definitely would have been like diapers or or whatever, the trash or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 27:06

Taking care of them at the night while they're sleeping at um making money?

SPEAKER_06 27:09

I'm just gonna work for me.

SPEAKER_04 27:14

Can you just come for my family so we can all hang out and chill? Yeah, yeah, and like I agree with that one.

SPEAKER_07 27:22

No, but if you're out there and you're listening and you're watching, listen, we're looking for somebody to work for us.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

We're looking at somebody who's looking for a job.

SPEAKER_07 27:31

Yeah, but you like head starter, like, but you go, you know, make money for us and you donate. Like, we're not hiring you to like pay you, we're hiring you to essentially pay us.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

501c3.

SPEAKER_07 27:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 27:47

Dead co church. That bit went way too long. That bit went way too long. You probably are.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

You know what's way too long? That lonely hair of yours, bro. You getting bald quick, my dude. Before you know it, this that widow's piece gonna be an eagle's nest. You know what I'm saying? It's gonna be way up here.

SPEAKER_06 28:03

Man, just creeping back. You're so lonely in the ball club, huh? You wanted some friends?

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Wait, friends, tell them. Tell him, tell him.

SPEAKER_06 28:12

Tim said lonely, I'm right here.

SPEAKER_08 28:14

Lonely ugly when you go bald.

SPEAKER_06 28:16

Dude, I will. I can't grow facial hair. I can't do that. I can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

Yeah, you in trouble, doc. Dude, it's coming, Doc.

SPEAKER_06 28:22

I'm going, I can maybe do soul patch and go youth pastor. You look cool with a beanie, though. A beanie? I look like a cancer patient with a beanie. Yikes. Shout out to cancer patients, you look phenomenal. But he does not. I don't I look like a bad, ugly cancer patient, and you look like a pretty one.

SPEAKER_07 28:40

Yeah, that's random. But if any of y'all in the Houston area listening and you know how to install a mini split, you boys need AC in this garage. I asked you, bro. Bro, I asked you.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yeah, plug it in, homie. You don't plug it in either.

SPEAKER_06 28:56

And then you have to drill a hole for the uh the water drip.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

You gotta drill a hole. That's what you gotta hold on to.

SPEAKER_04 29:05

Uh in brick circle saw brick, or circler top, circler, circler top, circle. He's getting so angry. He's voicing changing.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Circle saw. It's gonna call, right? It's chug up to the bottom. Circle saw. Yo, to all the dads who are real men, I apologize, dude. For these things. You know what you should do.

SPEAKER_06 29:30

The next guess you should make you should get like a carpenter for like 50 years. And he's old. And he's like, actually, that's the wrong bit, sir. And I wouldn't use that bit. I'd go with a dumbbelling head.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

I'd get a forcener bit, man.

SPEAKER_07 29:42

Hey, what's it called though? If you're not using a masonry bit, saw bit. Wholesaw? Wholesall makes. What was the original person? That makes sense. Yeah. Uh I was I'm asking our people if they can come install minus bleed because we're sweating.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

That request has been denied. So no.

SPEAKER_07 29:59

You enjoy strangers.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

You ain't coming here.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Golly.

SPEAKER_07 30:05

What was the original question? The original question was what part of fatherhood would you outsource?

SPEAKER_03 30:11

Yeah, I don't I don't know if I'd outsource much, to be honest. You because you think about you think about diapers, you think about not sleeping, you think about that stuff, and then years go by and you're like, man, you're thankful for it. I guess my son is no longer my my couple of my boys are older and obviously not in diapers, right? So and I think about man, I remember when I was holding him as a baby, and what I would do to get that time again. Yeah, you know what I mean? So I don't know if I'd outsource much.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

Yeah, I I would say the same thing, and mainly because I was lucky enough to get invited to like a a dinner or something for an in-laws event or whatever. You don't know shit. And they're I don't. I don't. But you don't know what you're talking about. I was invited to I'm trying to be a uh I was trying to be invited to a dinner it was like a dinner event with my in-laws. And they had their rich friends over, and I'm talking to this guy in sales, and he's like very successful. And uh he's had a couple drinks, so I was like, I can ask him anything. And he's just like, How you doing, man? And and and he tells I'm like, Well, I'm doing great. I just had a a my wife's pregnant, we're about to have a boy, and and he just stops his tracks and like looks into my soul. He goes from just partying to just into my soul, and he goes, Change every diaper you can.

SPEAKER_07 31:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 31:32

And I was just like, this guy's a little tipsy, but like he's so yeah, right. Because I was like dreading that. It's it's true, and he was like, and he to your point, he was like, if I could go back in and do that, those were the best times. Like every every 3 a.m. wake up call, every diaper, every puke cleanup. Like, he was like, he's like, they were so difficult, like those times were so difficult, but I only looked back on them, the faunus, and I was just like, okay, I was just he wrecked me. Yeah, just kind of wrecked me, and I was just like, I had a huge perspective shift of like I was excited for the kid, but I became even more excited about participating. Yeah, yeah. And so you can ask my wife, and she'll let you know. Um, so I'll have my sources that I did change a ton of diapers with the first one.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Not my wife, let's not bring this up to her at all. Let's just keep this one quiet.

SPEAKER_06 32:26

You didn't learn your lesson, did you?

SPEAKER_03 32:28

No, late nights and diaper changes, she's doing great at, so why intervene? You know, yeah, yeah. But no, no, I joke, but you're 100% right. It's it's something you're always gonna you're always gonna hold on to.

SPEAKER_07 32:38

Well, I'll tell you guys what. I regret asking that question. Because I do have one. What is it? I have one. Uh dropping her off at daycare. Oh, it's so bad. It's the worst. She's she's not happy about it. She's not happy. She uh is so sad. And uh I I would definitely just pay the uh a person that's gonna say like to not go to daycare? No, to drop her off for you? To drop her off for me.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

Oh just because I'm curious, how much would you pay? Just curious, bro.

SPEAKER_07 33:18

Uh I'd honestly probably do like 20 bucks a day.

SPEAKER_05 33:21

20 bucks? Yeah. That's a hundred bucks.

SPEAKER_06 33:23

Worth the gas, dude. You see in these gas prices?

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Yeah, he didn't tell you that she lives her daycare is on sugar land.

SPEAKER_07 33:29

No, it's just down the road. 20 bucks. It really is down the road. Yeah. I don't live good in the market. You moved already, that's right. I done moved. You're in the woodlands. The woodlands areas. No, you're not. You're not in the woodlands. You're in.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

I'm in the fake woodlands, bro.

SPEAKER_07 33:44

We should tell exactly where he lives, his address, zip code.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

Montana.

SPEAKER_07 33:48

No, we said uh what are your mud taxes look like?

SPEAKER_03 33:50

From uh Oregon, wasn't it? I don't remember. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_07 33:52

We're not from Texas.

SPEAKER_03 33:53

Wherever Deontay Wilder is. That's crazy. None of us are from Texas. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_07 33:58

You were no, yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

I I was I don't live there now, but one day maybe. Okay, next question.

SPEAKER_07 34:07

Yeah, let's talk about our addresses next. Okay, what was it like? Uh uh, I only have one kid right now. Yeah. Yeah. What was the transition like from one kid to two kids?

SPEAKER_05 34:20

Um, well, mine happened five months ago.

SPEAKER_06 34:24

Uh you're in the thick of it. Yeah. Went from having one son to no, I have a son and a daughter. Um I loved it because she she is so chill. She's like, people ask me all the time, like, when when my first son was born, they asked me, like, how is it? How are you doing? You know, I was like, oh my god, we're going through it. Sorry. So they're like, what's the what's the worst part about you know all this? And I was like, it's he's doing, you know, this. He likes he's he's so much, he's a headache, and I have to get up in the night and have to change all these divers, right? And I was still complaining about human. But I was like, still, you know, it's all these things, and he's he's glued to us. He won't, he's not chill at all. He's just waking up all the time doing this thing. And then we had it.

SPEAKER_07 35:08

Yeah, little man poured salt in my sweet tea just a couple weeks ago. Just kept doing it. And dipped his pizza in it. I'm proud of him. My man, dipped his pizza in my sweet tea, and then just started eating. I said, You go, dude. Yeah, that's a Jeremy. I'm gonna need a new sweet tea. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 35:24

No, that's on me. That's on me. Worth it though. You know what I'm saying? Saltwater tea, Doc. Let's go. Sorry to interrupt you. Alkaline. So little man is just he was kind of a terror, but he was a lovable terror. He wasn't like malicious, but he was a lot. And so uh people were like, What's the hardest thing about going from one to two? And I'm like, it's still the first one, it's just still the first one. Because she is so chill, such an easy baby. She eats, she sleeps, and she only cries whenever she's like wants to do either of those things.

SPEAKER_07 35:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 35:55

Yeah, that's literally it. And she's like that's how that's how my daughter's gorgeous, and so she's so beautiful and cute, and you're just like if I could have like four more of you, that's fine. I can only have maybe one more of him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So we'll see.

SPEAKER_03 36:12

But he gets a little older too, though. It's gonna be so like he's probably net fun now.

SPEAKER_06 36:16

It's already fun. So like I'm really into golf.

SPEAKER_03 36:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:19

And so because I'm really into golf, so is he. And we got him a little baby golf set, and I have a picture of it, but it's of him falling asleep in the car, the car seat, with the golf club right here, and just the wedge is wedged into his face and he's just out, and I'm just like, I'm so proud. Yeah, and a little single tear just went down.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

I'll say yeah, yeah. Those those moments, bro. Yeah, that's what's up.

SPEAKER_06 36:43

Yeah, we'll get him on the we'll get him on the course. I'll hit the balls, he'll make the putts. So it'll be good. Come on. Thomas, what about you? What was the transition like from one to two?

SPEAKER_03 36:50

So my my story's a little different, right? Because uh, I came three of my kids are from a previous marriage, and um it was for many reasons. I'm not gonna get into too many details on how bad that was, but it was not good. Um, so my my version of it is a bit tainted, but what I do remember is um I remember the transition with the kids specifically was pretty easy, right? Um, my daughter though, my my oldest was great, it was pretty easy, pretty simple. My daughter was next, and she was as a baby, like the first seven, eight months, she would not go to sleep unless I would literally like rock her for like 45 minutes to an hour, right? Like the football hold, you know what I'm talking about. Like I'm over here just like yeah just yeeting her, bro. Yeah, and and she uh it took a long time for her to go to sleep, so that was a little rough, but um, yeah, that's about all I can remember. And my third was right in the middle of a lot of drama. Um, but he was he was pretty easy too. So yeah. This one, the fourth one, whoa, dude. Yeah, yeah, whoa, dude. I thought I thought I knew parenting. Yeah, don't.

SPEAKER_05 38:02

Okay, that's bold.

SPEAKER_07 38:03

So what it is, it's true. It's bold. It's bold, Jeremy. Yeah, you have a uh pretty crazy story. I do. I met you in the middle of probably what I would say the messiest part of your life. Yeah. Would you agree with that? I think I did too, though. Yeah, that's when I met both of you guys. I met him first, though. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 38:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:34

Well played, sir. Well played. Uh call back. Yeah, well done. Can you take us back to the moment where you realize um your marriage was at a crossroads? Oh man.

SPEAKER_06 38:47

Um, yeah. Sorry. It's I'm thinking, it's my thinking face. Um, I've never really talked about my full kind of story. I've talked about it with friends here and there, parts of it.

SPEAKER_07 38:59

And you know, you don't have to dive all the way in. Yeah. Just you we can we can talk about highlights and yeah, yeah. Little or as much.

SPEAKER_06 39:07

No, I'll talk about it. I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore. I'm not ashamed to talk about it. Um, you know, long, long time ago. Like uh, I mean, before I got married, I was um just really selfish and and I was a kid and who had a you know addiction to pornography.

SPEAKER_04 39:25

And had a had a really gay Subaru uh uh um yeah, or was it an FRS making it so easy to just dive deep into my emotions?

SPEAKER_07 39:37

Yeah, FRS or something?

SPEAKER_06 39:39

I had an FRS, I had uh FRS the poor man's Porsche, but it's not fast at all. It's so slow, but it's it's really fun.

SPEAKER_07 39:47

Yeah, yeah. Those are fun cars. So okay, sorry. So what was I what I was last answer? Uh very selfish. Very selfish.

SPEAKER_06 39:54

I was a selfish dude, addicted to uh just you know, internet porn, and and uh so I brought that into marriage, obviously hidden, and uh yeah, that didn't it didn't take long for it to kind of ruin my marriage. Uh I thought I was like, oh, I'm I'm married now, which is cool, we can just be fine, and it didn't, and uh you know that turned into me having an affair pretty quickly into the marriage, and then it ruined and and then I just I just it happened once and then I bottled it in and I was like I'm dying with this. I'm not I can't believe I did that. I never thought I'd be the man that that would do that, and I bottled it and I was like, I'm just gonna die with this. Therefore, in my mind, if I just never tell anybody about it, then I can kind of find my way back to that person I was where I was like, oh I'll never do that. And so you know, I'd say it's like six years ago, seven years ago. Um and I've been married for like nine and a half, almost ten years, um it it finally came out where um she uh yeah, she she well she wanted to file for divorce. Because I never told her, but because I was bottling all this stuff up and never dealing with it, and I was still super selfish and super just not dealing with any reality whatsoever. Um I was a pretty crappy husband. A pretty crappy partner for her, and and so she um Yeah, she she filed for divorce because she was like, I don't know what's happening with you. I can't it's not like in her mind she was like, you haven't really like done anything like one big thing. It's just like you've just been crappy to me constantly, consistently, and and so she filed, and like the turning so like that's kind of the big turning point is whenever she filed for divorce. Um so that was a big wake-up call to me, and yeah, so that was kind of the big turning point. Um yeah. So whenever that's that's kind of the moment where I was like, oh, it's all falling apart. All this you know, it's kind of like referencing scripture a little bit where you're talking about a house built on shifting sand. I just built my marriage on this lie uh of who I was, and my character was nowhere to be seen.

SPEAKER_07 42:14

So yeah. Sorry to interrupt. You might have to just hold that cable. We're we're we're on a budget around here. Just hold that cable to the mic. These mics are like twenty dollars or something. Copy 104. Thomas's mic is my personal uh studio mic. Well, uh yeah, that's daddy's mic. Come and tell you.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Um no, bro. Thank you for for sharing that. I think I think it's uh I think that relates to a lot of guys because I know even me, I mean, I was struck with pornography a long time. Matter of fact, part of the marriage uh that I was in that got dissolved, um, I guess that was part of the issue, but um many, many deeper, uh more profound issues. But um it is something though that if you don't get a handle on it can mess you up. And I think I think that is something that that I think a lot of men struggle with, is like, how do I how do I put this thing down? We it's it's somewhat easy to talk about alcohol. It's somewhat easy to talk about drugs because they're a bit nuanced in a way, you know what I mean? Like you can you can find help for drugs, you can find help for alcohol, but but with pornography, man, it is a it is a creeping um secretive and seems to be, at least in your own mind, uh not harmful to anybody else, kind of thing. And until it isn't.

SPEAKER_06 43:39

Yeah. So yeah. So yeah, it it it pretty much was one of the core things that that ruined that that I was doing that helped. Obviously the affair was the biggest thing, but but she didn't know about it when she filed for divorce, which is the crazy part. She didn't know about the affair. Um and then She filed and I was like, cool. I get an escape. Sweet. Finally. She can get her life. I don't have to hurt her anymore.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

You're kind of answering it in that moment, right? Because I think you're in the moment where like that's when you filed. Yeah, you she's not. You guys didn't know. And you were like, I'm done.

SPEAKER_06 44:15

I was trying to manipulate you guys. I was trying to be like, I'm the I'm the victim. I was like, I'm the victim. She's leaving me. I can't believe she's leaving me. I'm such a good guy. I wasn't. And so you guys came in like right there. And then very shortly after, she canceled the filing. And I was furious. She canceled the filing, and I was mad. I was like, what? But in my head, I was like, that was my out. I didn't have to deal with this. Right. I could just start over and try again and see if I mess up again. And I I'll I'll just white knuckle it and and and be good. And I'll I won't do that again.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:53

And she canceled the filing, and she was like, we need to work this out. And I was like, no. Like, and then I filed. And I say I filed. I thought I filed. This is I'm a Christian believer. I believe the Lord has a sense of humor. Uh you know the story. And so I I thought I filed. And I reached out to some divorce lawyer, and then and then she's like, Well, I canceled the filing. I was like, Well, I'm gonna file. So I get an email a couple hours later, or a day later, or something like that. And it's um it's a a a document for a legal document to sign over, state of Texas divorce lawyer. So I all I saw was that didn't read a word of it. I thought, that's my lawyer. I'm gonna sign it away and I'm gonna file. Let's do this. So I sign it. And then like 30 minutes later, an hour later, my wife calls me and like, you ready to do this? You ready to work on our marriage and give this thing a try? And I was like, What do you mean? She was like, What do you mean? I was like, What are you talking about? No, like we're getting a divorce. I filed. She's like, You filed. But Jeremy, you just signed the the cancellation of the divorce.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

So in the state of text, you unknowingly turned out in the state of text.

SPEAKER_06 46:05

Listed, listed.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

That is hilarious.

SPEAKER_06 46:06

In the state of text, it takes one person to file. It takes two to cancel that files. I did not know that. I was 24. So I'm still stupid, but I was real stupid back then. Dude, that's still funny.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

But also the Lord, like you said, like the Lord is.

SPEAKER_06 46:25

I just that was the moment I realized like, oh man, I'm gonna have to deal with this. I'm not like it just felt like the Lord's just like, no, you're not running, you're not gonna run. Right. And so yeah, it was really dark, but it was also like it was kind of it was it was it was so comical.

SPEAKER_07 46:43

I was gonna you were even hitting a uh dead end with with your boys, bro. I mean, yeah, we were about to buy a place together, yeah. We were about to buy a place. Yeah, we went and looked at a place, we were about to sign papers and all that. Me and another buddy, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

Well, you got contacted by somebody, like a I didn't know.

SPEAKER_07 47:01

I didn't get contacted, so I go to lunch. I actually go to lunch with uh Chris Kraft. Oh, this is after church one time, yeah. I go to lunch with Chris Kraft and uh shout out, Chris. Yeah, love you, Chris, so much. Chris was uh in a relationship at the time, yep, and so his girl was there, and uh uh Marie well and his girl was there, and your wife uh shows up, yeah, and throughout conversation, I realize I think this is Jeremy's wife. Dude, no, you hadn't met my wife yet, and then he calls me after this. I didn't, yeah, yeah. So I meet your wife. Is that because you knew him before me? And and Chris, as smart as Chris is, yeah uh Chris brought in the conversation, hey, are you still gonna get a place with Jeremy? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're we're like, I think we're gonna move in this week. We're gonna we we're yeah, we were gonna sign the least that we could record and and all the things. And and your wife's like, wait, like Jeremy Beadle? And I was like, Yeah, do you know him? And she so innocently just responded, Yep, he's my husband. And I was like, that woman has so much grace. And then I realized called Thomas Patience, and I was like, Hey dude, something's not right.

SPEAKER_03 48:30

I was like because you actually and we could cut this if you want, but you actually call do you remember calling me about divorce stuff, Sue? And I and I don't cut any of it. I remember I remember you you you telling me like, hey, I want to I think I want to do this, and you and it's obvious that you spent a lot of time on it, and and you were probably going through the steps, like, hey, this just makes logical sense. And I remember telling you, I was like, listen, man, um, divorce is the most evil thing I've ever encountered. I remember that. And and it, if there's anything you can do to fix this, do it. But if there's nothing you can do, then I'll help you. Yeah, and and it got awkward. It got a little because I could tell God was doing something or something was happening. Right after, like literally, I it felt like a day or two after we I got that phone call. I was like, whoa, this is weird. So obviously God was doing something in the background, but also super glad that you were obedient enough to know, hey, I'm making a mistake.

SPEAKER_06 49:29

Yeah. Um, you know, I tried to in that time where she was, you know, she filed for divorce and and I was like, cool, I'm getting out. It was like a couple weeks before she canceled. I was making new friends. I had to join a new church. Yeah, it was the worst. And I was just being such a like a like a fake scumbag of just I can just leave her a like I can leave all of my mess over here and go over here, and not knowing that that's impossible. Yeah. And so um, yeah, when she yeah, so whenever she canceled the filing, we met up in person at my parents' house. And I was like, it was weird, man. I I wanted her to continue like I was so selfish, like I was so twisted in my immaturity and my addiction and my hiddenness that I asked her, like I told her about the affair out of sp so that she would go back to can't like divorcing me.

SPEAKER_08 50:33

So out of spite. Out of spite. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 50:36

I was it wasn't like a I need to come clean moment. It was like I want you to divorce me. And so you should say like you should you should see the real disgust in me, and then you'll leave. You won't be able to love me, and you will leave. And she stayed. And yeah. And so she didn't. She didn't run, and she didn't and she loved me well, and it was really hard. Uh we both found ministries. Um I found seven pillars of freedom, which is um, you know, I've I've been in ministry since I was 12. It's the only ministry I've ever done that's ever dealt with pornography or sexual addiction or is that local or is that like global? So it's like is that a a thing that a lot of churches do, or is that just kind of something it's getting larger? A lot of church, a lot of churches do uh have them. Yeah, but I found mine at the Methodist Church and my current church has it. Yeah. It's a phenomenal program. I've I've never, you know, the church doesn't really talk about pornography addiction. It's really kind of it's ugly. Well, half of them are addicted, so how are they talking about? It's not sexy to talk about because like alcoholism, people get prayed for or whatever, yeah, and they're done, and it happens, and people like like teenagers will go to youth camp and get prayed for and have this great weekend where they're not don't have any screens and now and then they feel like pure and they feel like they're they're done with it, and then they're wrapped in it again. And and what what I've experienced with seven pillars was they're like, okay, let's practically help you with this. Let's not just talk ethereal, let's not just talk. Yeah, scripture backs everything up that they do, but they talked a lot about the trauma, the how your brain works, yeah, the neural pathways um of addiction. They talked about a lot of stuff you talked about in AA, and they talk a lot about the science of it and how to like practically overcome it. Um, I had to be interviewed to get into that program. Like it was serious, yeah, like it was it was intense. That's cool. And so I found that. Um, you know, my wife found the sister program, Betrayal and Beyond, it's a fantastic program. And the thing that got us to do it, because we were like, I'm not going through a ministry thing just to stay married.

SPEAKER_01 52:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:52

And what really sold us on it was they were like, hey, this isn't about you guys staying together or staying married. Because whether you get divorced or you stay together, you still need healing. Yeah. And so does she. Because if you get divorced, you're still gonna need healing because you're gonna pick the same guy because you got stuff to deal with. And you're gonna still need healing for obvious reasons because you can't just go on and do this to another woman and wreck another life. And so um, you know, my wife got really good counsel. I got really good counsel. Um, she was giving the advice of like, she because there was like the first year of us like working on that after everything came out. It was like the longest year of my life. She wanted to like leave me daily, and I was like, do it. Like, I I finally humbled myself for like the first time in my life. I was like, I I wasn't trying to manipulate her to stay. And so um she's she wrestled with that daily, and it's hard to detect like moments of the day where she was the Lord's gonna move, we're gonna get through this, we're gonna become better. I could see hope in this, and then moments of the day where she was like, I don't love you, or I can't have kids with you, or just dark stuff where she was just like, and I was like, I totally get it. Yeah, that entire year, and even to this day, I'm like, technically biblically, you have every right to leave me still. Sure. And so I I had this like thing of like I I want this, I want to be healthy, and I want you to be healthy, and whether we come together in that health or not, so be it. But that's not the main point anymore. The main point is we both have relationships with God and we both go after uh healing. And so that became my main focus. So good. Yeah, for like the first time in my life as a Christian, as a person, as a man. And uh yeah, my life's never been the same. I'm still in uh a seven pillars group. I've still been doing it for years, probably six years, seven years now. Um yeah, and uh it's been the most impactful ministry thing I have ever done my entire life, and probably ever will do. And so I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

Can I ask you another question? Is and we're gonna go a little off script here if you're cool with the detail. Yeah, go. Um man, what would you say to the guy who's married right now, struggling in his marriage, maybe largely because he doesn't feel uh valued or he doesn't feel any even maybe his wife is giving him value, he just doesn't recognize it because he's caught up in the pornography cycle, he's caught up in trying to find the thing that'll that'll satisfy that dopamine hit or whatever it is. Sure. What would you say to that guy right now? Uh and and how would you help him, the guy who's married, the father that's in listening maybe on on how to deal with this?

SPEAKER_06 55:52

You need to give yourself grace, you need to understand it so that you can wrap your head around giving yourself grace because you've only ever known yourself as a scumbag underneath. And so that's the value you've assigned yourself.

SPEAKER_01 56:05

That's so good, dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:08

And so you need to understand it, you need to get in a group. It's the only ministry thing I will push to the end of my days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

If not a group, how do you feel about an SA? Like even or something uh adjacent to something.

SPEAKER_06 56:21

Something similar, yeah. Yeah, I mean, anything that helps you diagnose the way that you think, the way that you deal with hard things. And to dumb it really, really down is whenever a thing happens where my wife says something harsh or mean, where do I go? Where does my brain go? Because I think of it this way, right? We are when it talks we talk about neuropathies a lot. Dustin and I got into a fight once. Okay? We we have a couple times. That's because I love you too passionately. Uh cut that out.

SPEAKER_07 57:00

Nah, you said leave everything.

SPEAKER_06 57:01

Nah, leave everything. Um, yeah, for real. Uh, so we we got into an argument. Say if before seven pillars, I would have just gone into like isolation, guard myself, protect myself, and I probably would have wanted to feel numb. I didn't want to feel these emotions, so I'd go to pornography to feel good for about you know however long it would be looking at it or whatever. Yeah, three seconds, yeah, for sure. And then that was it. And then pause. My bad.

SPEAKER_04 57:31

You're good, dude. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 57:33

I'm not sensitive about it anymore. What a terrible person is saying that, dude. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_06 57:40

And so um you're rewiring your brain. Think about your brain like a forest, right? You've been going down the same path. Something bad happens, I go to porn, something bad happens, I go to porn, something bad. Yeah, it's like a beaten path in the forest. And to make a new path is really slow and it's really hard, and you've got to do a lot of work, yeah, and you gotta beat that path.

SPEAKER_03 58:01

Well, there's no magic pill.

SPEAKER_06 58:03

There's no magic pill. You've got to take that path, and you've got to train your brain to take that path. But here's the thing the more people that the more or the more footsteps that walk that path, the easier it becomes to walk. Yeah, and the less you walk that one, the more this grows, and it becomes really hard to go that way mentally. Um, and then for guys, I can already hear them. Like, well, how long does that take? Yeah. Uh-huh. There's been studies that have been done about the psychological rewiring of their brain through mental path uh mental, you know, or neuropathways.

SPEAKER_03 58:36

And usually surprisingly short, right?

SPEAKER_06 58:38

Well, it's like they say two to five years.

SPEAKER_03 58:40

Well, well, oh yeah, neuropathways, but but habit changing.

SPEAKER_06 58:44

Habit changing is different.

SPEAKER_03 58:45

Like 30 days, right? Yeah. What but but I'm saying it gets you on, it gets you closer to the right track. It doesn't take very long, but to keep it up.

SPEAKER_06 58:54

Yeah. And I would say too, like practically, like, guys, like I have been in ministry forever. I've heard really great speakers, I've heard really great podcasts, but and these really cool things that you say that move you are great. But practically, find a way to stop looking at porn via VPNs, blockers, and stuff like get sober.

SPEAKER_04 59:15

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 59:16

Because I like that you said that is order, in order to like work on your your mental and your emotional and spiritual and all that, you have to not be doing it. Like you you want to do the work, like I want to be better. I want to well then find a way to get sober. And seven pillars, the first thing they do is get you sober. Well, like let's get your let's get all your doors shut and locked and and boarded up. Like, I can't go on this website, I can't do this app. I can't, I gotta, you gotta, you know, speaking biblical terms, you gotta cut that right arm or that hand off all the way so that you can experience that sob sobriety and be like, I can breathe.

SPEAKER_07 59:53

Yeah, I mean, it's the same thing they do in rehab, and then do the work.

SPEAKER_06 59:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:56

Rehab is the same thing.

SPEAKER_06 59:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:58

I mean, yeah, you gotta treat it like an addiction for sure. I spend six months in rehab and they cut off everything. Yeah. You don't get a phone, you don't get you get if you are showing uh good signs at actually committing to not turning back once you're out, you'll get visitation and stuff, depending on how intense the the rehab is and whatnot. But yeah, man, everything is blocked to where you literally, I mean, you are forcefully going through withdrawal. And once you get through that, it's like, I mean, yeah. Yeah. You get through that, you're pretty much Sunshine. It's almost you're you're you're basically sober after you get through withdrawal. Yeah, with drugs, yeah. But but I mean, they compare it to uh heroin addiction. Oh yeah. The study compare porn addiction to heroin. The studies are wide and and and and large about how it's too easy. It's the it's the dopamine hit. You get the same dopamine hit from release as you do from uh a heroin hit. That's trippy. Well you get the same dopamine release.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:07

You know what, you know what I would love to see is more open conversations with boys about this. You know, because it this some bat men are just notoriously bad at is talking about our problems. Like we rather laugh it off, we rather like joke, play poker, hang out, and then not talk about a single thing that's affecting us and ride that because it changes from dopamine to what's the other drug that our brain oxytocin is that what it is? It it shifts to that when you're with your boys, but that only lasts so long, bro. Like it'd be good for people who are listening to maybe get with some guys and and make it a little more comfortable to talk about, hey, look, I'm having this issue, I'm having this, I'm looking at pornography, and you know what? Maybe I don't want to look at pornography as much. Maybe it's maybe it's uh no, I'm a Christian, right? So I believe you shouldn't look at pornography at all, but maybe I just want to do a little bit, I just want to stop a little bit. Okay, start there, but do something, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:02

Yeah, just do something.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:03

Yeah, get it, get on the train. Because what's not too much is gonna happen is you're you're gonna stop if you stick to your guns, it's gonna just exit your life.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:10

Yep. So yeah. And there are so many uh testimonies, there are so many stories, there are so many um uh statistics about pornography actually like you will you will screw up your life. Yeah, you will, yeah, in some way or another. Who is it? Who's the actor that's like super against uh pornography? He's got the uh what is it? Terry Cruz? I said Ted Cruz. Terry? That's Terry Cruz guy, yeah. Terry Cruz, yeah. Yeah, Terry Cruz. Say I'm right. Yeah, yeah, I'm right in the longest yard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I didn't know that. Um from that 70s show. Um Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Cutcher. Yeah, yeah. Dude has a anti-human trafficking like movement. He has an anti-porn movement.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:59

You know what's crazy? You've you've done a lot of creative things. You you have, and this is one of them, and this is is amazing. There was one time you made a brand. Remember that? Yeah, kill two. I still want the brand. You we should do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

You remember me and you were models for it, bro?

SPEAKER_06 1:03:16

You asked me to be a model for it. And it was like it for me, it meant more to I think it meant more to me than I've ever portrayed to you. Like that I I I saved those pictures. There's a t-shirt where it says kill pornography.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:29

Kill porn, yeah. Kill porn.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:31

Like, because you wanted to end it because you were talking about how much that money that yeah, how much money that funnels the human trafficking and and all that stuff. And it's the number one human trafficking movement in the world.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:41

Yeah. That's why Pornhub is shut down. That's so happy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:44

They proved in Texas, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:45

That uh no, I think it's shut down. I might be wrong on that. Don't quote me on that, but uh, I may be absolutely wrong on that. But uh no, I still have a massive, I'm I still have a massive heart for that. I still have it's it was called kind of apparel. Yeah, and um uh kinda comes from shekinah, uh shekina glory. It's a Hebrew word, uh Shekinah. Um it it means the glory of God.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:14

Yeah, collab soon, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:16

So the the reason I I brought that up is because it it meant like it was like a milestone event for me because I was like, I never thought myself like authentic enough or real enough to to do that. Because I've had conversations in the church where like, oh yeah, that's bad.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:32

You even had conversations with me. You you asked me if I was sure if I wanted you to wear that shirt, yeah, and come model and come take pictures. And I said, Jeremy, there's there's gold in you, yeah. And you will get to the gold one day. So encouraging. This is the it's like it's it's proclamation over your life. Yeah, you will kill porn in your own life, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:55

And here you are. Here you are. Well that's you, you're probably the most suited guy uh to do it too, man, because because a lot of men say it, few, few walk it out.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:06

Yeah, no, it's it's so funny. Like when I've been asked before by people, they're like, hey, do you want to come to this like you know, student ministry, young adult ministry, and just like to share your testimony? And they have they're like, Oh, the first thing I said, cool, we're talking about porn. It's the first thing we're talking about. It's like for me, I'm so I'm passionate about the ministry of addiction, pornography addiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so um, because I just believe personally, like it's the biggest thing holding back the church. Like 50% of pastors statistically, that's 2016, are addicted to pornography. Yeah. So 10 years later.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:44

Yeah, I'd be shocked if it's not more.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:46

Yeah. Honestly, and so it's gotta be more. It it that's just pastors. So take the take the congregation into people who are professional Christians into account. It's so it's like, man, that's like the first thing I'm gonna attack because it's the biggest elephant in the room that nobody's really talking about. And so that's um that's what I'm gonna spend the rest of my life doing. It's going after it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:06

So bro, props to you, man. So good man. It needs to happen.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:10

Do we have any questions online?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:12

Or we go um you know what we do have quite a few questions. Yeah uh but um I wanna I want to ask just a couple more things man.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:21

Um uh what's the biggest thing you've learned about forgiveness um as it pertains uh like receiving forgiveness from your wife but also giving to uh yourself giving forgiveness to yourself um yeah um hold that cable it's just it's wrong you're you're good sorry okay oh there we go it's just bad I clicked it all the way in yeah how's that better woo hot am I hot you're hot you are you do you look good that beer looks good you look real hot in that Jeff Gordon what was that question yeah thanks for the shit what's the biggest thing you've learned about forgiveness um forgiveness from your wife and forgiveness to yourself for yourself um I couldn't I I couldn't make headway in healing until I forgave myself and then whenever um my wife forgave me it was um she had to do I mean I had to it's not a one it's not a moment it's not a single moment yeah it is a practice it is a muscle yeah it is something it's something to it's a muscle if you don't keep using it you you could edil atrophy and you'll start to get cynical again about who you are and if you your identity will be skewed and it's not who the Lord's called you to be and so forgiveness is something to be practiced. My wife had to forgive me countless times throughout that first year um you know I the only big moment I had when it came to anything sort of like like forgiveness was the moment she she said she respected me. And I thought I thought that was so far away I thought that was so out of reach for me to earn her respect again. Years away. I thought I was gone like I thought it was like you know so far away and yeah and so whenever she told me that um I knew we would make it and then I I don't know it just it wrecked me and and in in in all sorts of ways but um yeah forgiveness is a muscle that I've had to learn so uh so many ways how to work it out and so good. Not just not just your wife for you but for you for yourself right and that's one of the reasons like I'm so for the men's ministry that I'm a part of the seven pillars is because you have that that that group of men who are weathered and who have gone through the same things you've gone through and you are not alone and so when they say you're forgiven they it it just carries more weight because they've been through what you've been through. Sure sure and it it means more and it hits more and it and it and it defiles these lies about yourself that you're thinking like I'm not worthy and the Lord's called you worthy. And hearing somebody else say that it somebody who's been through it say that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:34

Yeah yeah it just it it means it it it'll destroy a lot of lies in your life well let me let me ask you this bro because I think this is the this is a more uh maybe a more a deeper way to look at it is there is there what would you say to the desperate guy the guy who's listening to this right now and he's like I'm about to lose it all my wife's about to leave me I'm about to lose my family I'm about to and and you're talking about doing some church thing what do I need to do right now in this very moment to save my life or I'm I'm just done with it or whether whether that mean I'm gonna go I'm gonna go do something to myself or I'm gonna go and just abandon all my yeah all my logic. What what do I what do you say that guy the only thing that was right that I did uh was I I broke down I was alone in my house my wife had just left and I was alone and um it was like it was all crashing down everything the house was crashing down that I built and I freaking I called the suicide hotline and uh Googled it I just dialed and then didn't say anything and then I just heard this woman with like the kindest voice just talk to me and ask me questions and um just listened and I um I was like in this little pocket of like a bubble of of like it's over but she didn't make me feel alone and so she it was like it was it was silly it wasn't like this this thing where it was it was like a magical phrase she said or I think she was just there and and I said it earlier in like at a joke or maybe a joke thing or lighthearted but it was just the ministry of presence I wasn't alone and you know like being alone amplifies all of like your inner unhealthy thoughts and amplifies your like bad decision making sure you know we we need to be in community we need to be around other people right we're creative for it even if you're an introvert yeah yeah and so um having that like dude call call them I I'm not endorsed by them at all I have no affiliation with them I have nothing to gain and but it was so good it was so just like it it saved my life yeah it did it saved my life because they said hey what's going on and I said I just I just put a gun in my head and halfway screws the trigger and I'm thinking about doing the game it all the way and I it's really scary right now and um she said what happened I said my wife left me and I just cried and she let me cry and uh then we we she gave me some instructions she said do you know anybody who can come over and just be with you I said I got one guy so I called Chris shout on Chris and he came over and he took my gun and she said do you know how to disassemble it can you talk me through that and I said yeah she said can you do it for me and I did and um she was just like you know I forget what she said but i i it's not really about what she said it was just how she was there her presence was just so peaceful and it was yeah it was just the ministry presence I mean can I can I'm gonna stop you real quick whoever yeah we believe God can can talk to people at any time we know what this could be happening whenever we're recording and also could be happening whenever you're viewing this I just want to say it's as easy as this you dial 988 988 will get you the suicide hotline and talk to somebody bro yeah you are not alone I feel like that needs to be reverberated into your soul you are not alone man whoever's hearing this whoever's dealing with it whoever's going through this stuff you're not alone we're here for you as much as you can 988 call the number talk to somebody please please you're so much more valuable you're so much more important than you realize please Sarbro also you can do uh you can do a lot more good in your life than you have done bad yeah yeah yeah and you are redeemable and you are worthy of redemption so um yeah that was that would I that's what I would say is yeah call that number do it um for like the first time in your life just let go of all of your anger frustration and bitterness and and failures that you think you are or have had or whatever and just let go and just make the call so that's so good Jeremy I don't know if I even knew that bro thank you for sharing thanks for having me Dustin thank you for being not doing that yeah you know you were a big part of that too man uh after that my wife had filed for divorce let me just show you tell you guys something about Dustin why I filed for divorce my whole facade that I was building up with the new church and new friends and everything fell apart it came out that I was I I I was the one who was the cause of everything our relationship falling apart and I was alone I I felt really alone and Dustin continually hey let's go to church let's go to the worship night let's come on over just be with me just be around me skate park yeah ping pong where I was working yeah I'd go to his job and play ping pong I would go to his place of business and I would go play ping pong get smoked dude for what I was pulled into several meetings because of that they're like hey why are you bringing your friends here legit and I was like listen I knew if you want to fire me go for it but yeah no it was uh he's coming in here and playing ping pong as long as I'm like there's just like there's a theme of survival in those moments of like you just need somebody there. Dustin didn't say it say all the right things he didn't you know he just was like hey be around me be around me you need to not be by yourself and um the ministry of presence right that's pretty much it was what that was it and it saved my life and and yeah so thank you Jeremy man um I don't know I don't know of a better way to to send this out D I I don't know if we got a much more that we need to discuss but we were gonna answer some questions but yeah I think uh oh that's a good one I don't know I mean we can answer some questions probably hit a few then we'll actually we'll hit a few exit but I man I I I can't read it right and everybody call the number if you need eight nine eight eight okay and yeah yeah nine eight eight give me with some questions dog just one more touch point on that though like um definitely call the number we will always respond to you if you send us a message um I'm I'm checking our messages on Instagram every day um responding to all your comments and everything if you feel like you need to reach out to us just reach out to us do our best to respond to you okay yeah and if we and if we can't and it's dire need call the number 988 yeah call 988 okay Austin says how do you stay mentally strong when you're mentally overloaded as a dad uh how do you stay mentally strong when you're mentally overloaded as a dad um be honest man um it's okay to be honest with your kids I think we feel like we have to hide uh I know I'd have thought that for a long time I had to like hide how I'm feeling and protect them from my feelings and and it's just not true man um it's okay to say hey you know what um life's a lot right now so if I seem off kid uh child whoever uh wife if I seem off just know that hey I'm I'm dealing with some stuff and I'm struggling and uh I just want you to know that and and if you have any grace for it that'd be helpful right now yeah being honest man you'd actually be you lost your mic huh your mic's up yeah sorry uh you'd actually be surprised at how much your wife would most likely understand yeah wives naturally know what we go through they naturally know what we carry every day that we don't talk about yeah so if you just open up uh you would be surprised what your wife would most likely respond with. Yeah they would probably be they would probably even respond with mad respect because you you if you're anything like me probably don't share a lot and the fact that you share a little is like oh that's good there's a thing in like men culture right now you know where it's like I want my wife to feel safe so I will not share with her the burdens that I go through.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:28

Yeah I found in my marriage that my wife feels safer because she knows my heart what I'm dealing with and she knows me. Yeah and that gives her an emotional safety and that is something that nobody talks about. It's like there's power in that that is not weakness. Yeah and um that is something that is yeah it's difficult to develop uh in a marriage sometimes because um well a lot of reasons but that's something that's extremely valuable and it should not be overlooked is that yeah that's it that's a definitely that's a key to to staying mentally like again not alone or or like hey my mentally I'm not going through this alone.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:10

For sure for sure you weren't meant to yeah yeah 100% also the the there's a reality of the Tate mentality the Andrew Tate mentality I wouldn't say it that dude don't talk about my hero bro that dude has shaped shaped the minds of so many men in their 20s and 30s yeah that there's uh like like for example on one of our youtube shorts we got called beta for diving into our mind that's why you're gonna say dude that's why you should put that on a shirt and style there's a there's a guy it's more manly to be beta his name is or just like respond to that with scripture and then just be like that's the shirt I think what they're responding to is this there's a dude named Jesse Peterson thing he's actually hilarious is a black dude that is like that is so funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:58

He's a hyper conservative guy yeah and and that's his tagline he's like he'll talk to people that are not and I'm great I'm not hyper political here but he'll talk to people who are not as conservative as him and be like and he'll say beta that guy so so what I'm saying is whoever this guy is is just is just fishing for that kind of stuff and honestly respect I'll never hit on comedy I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:24

Anyway well anyway um but the the Tate mentality has shaped this oh I'm weak if I feel anything I can't feel anything ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:35

It's the extreme side of the pendulum yeah yeah yeah all right Corey says how do you balance the feeling of not doing enough for your kids and being worn out yeah so this is where what we're gonna see get a lot of empathy and you're gonna get a lot of grace on this podcast that I will assure you you will but there is one side of it that that there is a side you got to man up on and that side you got to man up on is even when you're tired is you got to show up. I'm not saying that's what's happening in this particular case what I can say is I don't know what your day looks like I don't know what your job is like you could be a police officer dealing with like crazy things all day and having to come home and turn that off that's hard. I don't know what that's like but I will say is that's no fault of your kids and and at the end of the day uh they need a dad that's that's aware and if they don't have a dad that's aware they're gonna find whatever they need somewhere else so that's my thought it's worth the overtime it's worth yeah that's a great way to say it's worth the overtime do whatever you got to do grind out just a little bit even if it's 30 minutes grind out a little bit throw the baseball yeah do the wrestling do whatever you got to do but yeah yeah that's good that's good uh someone wrote in and said how do you guys feel about the term presence over presence yeah presence over presence presence like I'm here or yeah I know exactly what you mean presence presence over presence like a dad a dad that it shows a weekend dad that shows up and gives you gifts versus a dad who's there at every baseball game yep yeah no I get it um it's it's no question right presence don't mean anything if they don't have they don't have value behind them.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:21

Can I just say one thing to that because there's a lot of dads who will be like no I like I may not attend the the baseball game but I'm sponsoring the team you know and they're like I'm working really hard for my kid and like like your job can't be your identity.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:37

Right your job is your purpose but it is not your identity and your purpose is to be a provider part of that too is to to be a dad and to be a father and to be present and so if you're you're getting one thing right which is you are being a provider but if you're missing out on the much bigger aspect of of being a father which is being present with your kids influencing them leading by example uh via just you being there um then your kids will notice that and it'll show in the way they develop and grow up so and can I can I say something else to that too and I'm trying not to get emotional when I say it because my my my um my life's a little different right um I didn't have my kids for a very long time for on for crazy reasons un illegal terrible reasons um that are now being reconciled hopefully you get 18 18 summers get 18 of them man in those 18 summers you teach your boys you teach your little girl what it means to be an adult what it means to become who they're supposed to be you only get 18 of them and and if you are if you are thinking that some amount of money or some amount of a sponsorship or or being able to say you paid for their prize pig at FFA is gonna be enough it just ain't man it is not so please with everything in me show up for your kids as much as you can if you can't show up for them as as much as you can for whatever reason do whatever you can because they're gonna see it and they're gonna recognize it and they're gonna say my dad was there or they're gonna say my dad wasn't so that's my two cents on that tearing up if you're listening you can't see me on YouTube but yeah I wasn't making fun of that response um I'm actually feeling it uh so we we have uh we have a question from a girl actually oh it's my wife why is she why is she why is she in home right now with your kids uh this will be the last question um and then we'll we'll wrap this up um what was it like to watch your wife go through pregnancy labor and then postpartum uh I'm gonna uh I'll start with this one uh I felt like I was absolutely helpless uh absolutely helpless like I couldn't do anything whatsoever to help even though she's asking me to can you go grab this can you do this for me can you do this for me can you do this for me the overbearing weight from the reality that she's that she is carrying a human in her body I had no idea what to do I had no idea what to think I had no idea how to respond to to anything it was it was overwhelming to it beautiful at the same time right overwhelming beautiful thankful all of it excitement but at the same time completely helpless yeah through all of it I just felt helpless um she actually has a follow-up question uh would you do anything differently for her the next time and I don't know how to answer that one yeah I really don't yeah just dude like I felt so helpless that I that I just don't I I didn't know how to I I still don't know how to help through that season.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:26

Yeah man that's a tough one because like my wife had the baby at home and so I saw air flank the pregnancy up close and personal the birth up close and personal and postpartum was at home obviously and so it was it was a lot you feel help like I felt really helpful whenever it was just me and her and she was pregnant I could take care of her I could give her things I could do this thing as soon as that baby comes out I feel so helpless and my wife is so wise whenever the the the Was born, and I told her, I just confided. I was like, Man, I feel so helpless. I feel like I can't do anything because I can't feed the baby. I can't because she's you know breastfed or he's breastfed. And and so it was like I just was down on myself. My wife was like, You focus on me, you support me, and help me support this baby, and she gave me direction. So, um, what would I do different? I would have started doing that earlier, yeah. So yeah, and just not not letting myself get down because if I'm getting down, then I'm not helping, and I'm not helping her, like you know, because she you know postpartum hormones, their hormones just tank. Yeah, and so yeah, um, if if I can be there for support and not have her have to deal with me, yeah, if I can just be mentally like I know my role, yeah, yeah, and is support you as you take care of this. Obviously, I'm changing divers, I'm doing all the things I can, but for me, I felt helpless because I couldn't calm the baby down like a boob could, you know. So it's like, yeah, I took care of the one who had the boob. And so Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:03

No, dude, it makes sense. That was me. So my story's a little different there, too. My my wife, and and we're gonna I'm gonna check with her to see if we're gonna keep this in. But um, my wife had complications. So we were at the hospital, and um everything baby came. It was a very long pregnancy, especially at the end, and uh he he came and um everything was good. We get moved to a new spot. Lady comes and and I think you guys know they start pushing on their bellies and all that kind of stuff to try to move things around, and then my wife starts bleeding profusely, like a lot. So much so that the three nurses that showed up there were frantic and they were like kind of like freaking out a little bit, which made me freak out a little bit. It's like, hey, why are you freaking out? I should be freaking out. Um, they're freaking out. Um, they get the doctor in, the doctor starts doing something. It ended up being about eight nurses in there doing a procedure on my wife, and I'm watching it all happen, watch my wife turn white as snow, and uh, and I'm watching literally bloody rags fall on the floor. So very scary, scary moment, right? So I I think about that, and I think about how in the world, what what can I do right now to help in any way, shape, or form? And the answer was I could do nothing. I'm absolutely helpless. All I could do is maybe pray. Um, which I tried. So so to the guys that are out there experiencing something similar to that, hey, hey, sometimes it's just it's just helpless mode. Sometimes there's nothing you can do, and you just gotta bear it. But when you can do something, do it. So whenever she's done, I do what I can and take care of the baby, I do what I can and take care of her. But um sometimes you just gotta bear the fact that you ain't gonna be hero all the time. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:59

Also, to speak to that question too, what was it like to go like go through pregnancy and everything? There's a there's a bonding that happens in pregnancy with the wife that you don't get to experience. Yeah, and so there's when the baby comes out, that's when you start bonding. That's when you use a dad to start bonding. She's already had nine, ten months, depending on if you go late or not, feeling the kicks, of feeling the kicks, yeah, feeling the the body warmth and all this stuff, and the the the emotions have gone higher, so you feel more love for the baby um emotionally. And so um we we we start that, and so it's hard because sometimes your wife will be like, Well, I feel like you're not like you're not connecting with the the the kid, or it's like, well, have a little grace because you got nine months ahead of me. I'm over the heels in love with this baby.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:47

100%. All it does is drill and look at me, but I'm I love it.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:51

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, drill and look. Uh yeah. Dang, man. So just just giving yourself grace for just give yourself grace for if uh hey, your baby's freaking adorable.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:06

She is cute, isn't it? Um cut that out.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:12

No, he's a handsome boy, no. Uh came out, a little concerned. Oh I want to share if you hear this later, son. I love you.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:22

Love you. Just a little bit of advice to uh not advice. Uh and I uh what is it Tanner?

SPEAKER_05 1:32:38

Maybe. Is it Tanner?

SPEAKER_02 1:32:43

Hey Tanner, come on in. He don't come at the inn that was creepy.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:48

We just had one of our boys show up. Yeah, boys, boys to the studio. We should ask him a question. To the studio?

SPEAKER_07 1:32:54

Ooh. I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. We're so past Tanner. I know. What is it?

SPEAKER_03 1:32:58

Come here, Tanner. You need to fix that beard though. That's what you need to do. Come here, Tanner.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:02

I have one encouragement. I uh caught my baby. Our uh where we where we gave birth, uh, they allowed me to catch my baby. And I I will say something.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:15

Did you do a post route with it? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_07 1:33:18

You shot babies? You're the worst. How how the doctor delivers, right? They they pull the baby out. I did that. I did that for my daughter. They trained he's medically trained. Yeah. Two hands for sure. Two hands for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:33

I don't handed it, bro. For sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:35

So Heisman. I caught my baby. And uh I'm gonna say that if you're terrified of becoming becoming a dad and that that weight is overwhelming on your shoulders, if there is any space allowed for you to do that, I would encourage you to do that if you can stomach it. If you can stomach it, catch your kid. My entire world changed in a moment. Every fear I had left as soon as I caught her, and she was in my hands. So much to the point where I like entered a trance and the nurses around us had to interrupt our time. Okay, okay, okay, Dustin. Give her give her to mom now. I I it felt like I left my body meeting her like that. If you're terrified to become a dad, I'd encourage you to catch your kid if it's available. Just do it. Just do it. Change your life. Change your life! Quoting Thomas Wilkes over there. It'll change your life. Thanks for tuning in to the Dad Co podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:55

Uh podcast.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:56

Jeremy Pod, what a show.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:03

He brought the heat, my man. He brought the heat.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:05

I came in a little hot on the outro song there, my bad. But thanks for tuning in to the Dad Co podcast. Best podcast in the world.