The DadCo Podcast

Why Good Dads Still Feel Like They're Failing | Ep. 8

• Dustin & Thomas

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0:00 | 1:28:56

What if being a great dad isn't about doing more... but giving yourself more grace?

This week, the guys sit down with Brian Feltmann—pastor, husband, father of six, and a man who's spent years helping families navigate the highs and lows of parenting. With kids ranging from newborn to teenager, Brian brings a perspective that only years of fatherhood can provide.

From hilarious stories about life with six kids to deep conversations about patience, guilt, spiritual leadership, and the pressure dads put on themselves, this episode is packed with practical wisdom and encouragement. Brian shares why your kids probably remember you differently than you remember yourself, how fatherhood has taught him more about the heart of God, and why learning to lose yourself may be the greatest lesson a dad can learn.

Whether you're expecting your first child or raising teenagers, this conversation is a reminder that your kids don't need a perfect father—they need one who's present.

⏱️ Timestamps

0:00 – DadCo chaos returns 😂
2:30 – Meet Brian Feltmann
8:00 – Six kids, ministry, and surviving the chaos
18:00 – What every new dad gets wrong
31:00 – Why dads are harder on themselves than their kids are
46:00 – The moments your children will actually remember
1:02:00 – The pressure of raising kids in today's world
1:18:00 – Fatherhood and what it reveals about God
1:20:00 – Patience, grace, and leading your family well
1:22:00 – Advice Brian wishes every new dad could hear
1:24:00 – What six kids have taught him about parenting
1:25:00 – If your kids remembered one thing about you
1:26:00 – What truly makes someone a dad?

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SPEAKER_02

That works. Let me know when we're when we're good. Okay, okay, okay. It's beautiful. Welcome to the Delico podcast, greatest podcast in the world. Yo, see? How you doing? How you feeling? Feeling fresh. Feeling good. Feeling fresh. Feeling good. White dude. What's his name? Is that the Forrest guy? Uh Forrest Frank. I was going, I was about to say services. That was his band.

SPEAKER_05

Forrest Frank sounds like a band UFC fighter. Forrest Frank. Enters Forrest Frank. Nope.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Keep going. Like a a band. Band.

SPEAKER_02

Band that opened for the fighter named Forrest Frank. Yikes. I was thinking musically. I was like, Forrest sounds like a a band.

SPEAKER_05

There's a fire name of Forrest Griffin. You know nothing.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, I do. I do know something. G, how's your week been?

SPEAKER_05

Not not too shabby. Not too shabby. It's been a little here and there, a little up and downs. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Yourself. Ups and downs. Yep. Uh week's been good. Week has been good. I have an intern at work now. Uh-oh. Um. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_05

Uh-oh. We got a special guest. You may not want to lay out your work drama. You know, I don't even know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02

Dang it, dude. I stayed on the wrong camera angle for a while there. Wow. Am I up now? What is this? Whatever. You're up now. We got it. We got it. We got it. Okay. Y'all, you see the empty chair. That means something. You know what it means. It means we got a third chair, yet again. Third chair. Why don't you make your way over her? We need some audience. To the post cheering, bro. Cheering.

SPEAKER_05

While he's getting set up, if you guys want to follow us on every social media thing, do it. We're on chick-char. We're on we're on Instaman. All that stuff. Hit us up. Instant screen. Instaman. Instaman. That's what they call the new dating app for single 40-year-old women. Insta man. You find them in every church in America. Here we go, dude. It's actually genius. Every church in America.

SPEAKER_01

It's probably there. It probably exists.

SPEAKER_02

It probably does exist. Instaman.

SPEAKER_05

If it's not, we better make a lot of money, boys. Here we go.

SPEAKER_02

Let's do it. Instaman dating app. I'm pretty late on uh I'm pretty late on sharing startups with my wife. So every day I have a new idea. Tell me about it. My wife. I'm tired of hearing about all these.

SPEAKER_05

I might actually do this one, but I was thinking about making these garage uh garage racks for like these yellow bins and stuff for people and selling them on what's like dad.

SPEAKER_02

Dadco branded. Yep. Dude, every Tuesday I come up with a new idea. Here it is. We got we got Dadco garage shelves before we got Dadco hats for you. Hats are coming, people! Getting ready for the hats! 20% off! Dude, they're so I'm I'm uh I'm not gonna lie. I don't know how people are making any any money on hat on hat brands right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Well, you know. But we do have some special things going. Me and Dear are gonna be talking after some special things on the move. Maybe some new things coming soon. Who knows? Father Day, I don't know. Better help. Cyalis pills. No, I'm kidding. No, uh it's gonna be great. Definitely geared towards fathers. Alright, gotta stop.

SPEAKER_02

Give me a sip because we can ask a question or something.

SPEAKER_05

Ask the question. Hey, what's your name, man? Alright, my name is Brian Feldman. Brian Feldman. Everybody, Brian Feldman in the house. He is a good friend of my man Dustin and also work together. I'll let Dustin explain a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, um, so y'all know, but uh I work in ministry about eight months ago, accepted a job from homie right here. So it was a good day. Yes. I think. No, it was a great day. It was a great well I yeah, I was all over the place. It's probably a great day for you, though. It's a great day for us.

SPEAKER_05

It's a great day for you. I wish I was a fly on the wall in that interview. This dude seeing this student interview must have been the funnest thing in the world. He'd be like, Oh yeah, yeah, I can do that. I can do that 100%. Hey, can you you know how to work cameras? 100%, hundreds of cameras, thousands of cameras. I do all the cameras. Is that what you did?

SPEAKER_01

No. How was he in the interview? Tell the truth. He worked me in the interview. He had he had some solid questions. He chat GPT'd them. Usually they just like sit there and they kind of stare at you and they let you ask the questions. He's like, What about this? What do you guys do about this? I'm like, man.

SPEAKER_05

What a loser. Put my big boy pants on for this guy. Oh, he interviewed you. He interviewed the interviewer.

SPEAKER_02

He's good. Well, it came out of uh probably a space of not wanting to go back to ministry. So I was like, I was like trying to find the cracks. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

And uh how do I get out of this?

SPEAKER_02

God didn't reveal cracks.

SPEAKER_05

Not yet, brother. Hang on tight. It might happen. Never know.

SPEAKER_02

No cracks showing at our church, man. No cracks showing. Perfect. No pants are on and zipped. Escalated quickly. It went. Welcome to the Dad Co podcast.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, all right, man.

SPEAKER_02

Brian, uh, a little bit about yourself. Okay. How long have you been married? How many kids you got? Um, and yeah, what's life like for Brian Feltman?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, um, I am married to Jen. Um we've been married for 17, just about 17 years. It's gonna be 17 years in August. Nice. So that's been going I think it's been going pretty good. She thinks it's been going pretty good. She's there 17 years, bro. You've done something right. I feel like we're doing pretty good. We had five kids. We just had our fifth uh in March, and so that's been that's been fun. Yeah. It's been very different than what we expected it to be because it was one of those unexpected, but the good kind. So it's pretty cool. Um Yeah, we got married in 2020. Had our first kid about a couple years in. Uh Bentley's our oldest, he's 14. Uh, got two girls. Aurora's 10, uh, Daphne's eight, and uh then we got Leo, he's six, and uh Leo's busy. Yeah, busy, he's crazy, but he's fun. And uh and after that, we're like, we're complete. We were ready to we were ready to rumble, we were starting to hang it up, drive, drive around the nation and um less of a circus because the kids were getting older, and then last year the Lord was like, one more. Yikes! Yeah, they can do it. Yeah, they can do it. You got it.

SPEAKER_05

It's just an infant at the most inopportune time in your life. No big deal.

SPEAKER_01

No, it was great. Um, so our fifth, her name is Camille. She's about two and a half months old. And uh she's got she's got my heart all wrapped up her figure.

SPEAKER_05

So Brian dozes off in the middle of this podcast. Just know he has earned that right as a newborn, uh, newborn father, right, Dustin?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. As I'm dozing off. Like uh what is he saying over there?

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I love it. Always, always when calling starts. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Can you say that again? Say it again. Uh Brian. Mr. Brian, Mr. Brian Feltman. Uh, if you could tell your story in 10 minutes, how could you tell it? Oof.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, I'll try. Uh grew up grew up in a farm. That was pretty awesome. Spent most of my life growing up on a farm. Um, hobby farm, learned all the fun things about hobby farm, drove tractors and butchered chickens, and did crazy things that you do on a farm. Butchered chickens, my man. Um, I had a great childhood, uh, great parents, Christian home, uh, blessed by that. Um got into ministry in 2004, um after going through grade school, high school, Christian college, um, got into ministry in 2004. Um I went to school to be a teacher. I actually told this to the staff uh last week. And um went to school to be a teacher and got all the way through my four years of college, and I was doing interviews to be a teacher. Yeah. And and they were like, Yeah, you don't really have the experience. And I was like, losers. Well, this is dumb. Like, I just graduated. I know I don't have experience. But that's why I came to you, moron. But I was like, like after a few of them, I was just like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. And then I was like, oh my gosh, four years of college, and now I'm saying I don't want to do this. Yeah. Um, but uh that season of life, like, God used it just for me to kind of press into him. And I just started looking around for places to volunteer, so I like wrote my home church and I was like, hey, I think this is what I want to do. I'm just gonna stay in Minneapolis area, and I'm gonna volunteer churches to kind of figure out what God Minneapolis, bro.

SPEAKER_05

Minneapolis. I love it.

SPEAKER_01

Justin, what state is that? It's not Michigan. Don't say Michigan.

SPEAKER_02

Indianapolis is uh either Indiana or Minnesota.

SPEAKER_01

Minneapolis.

SPEAKER_02

Minneapolis!

SPEAKER_05

Oh, go ahead. I just wanted to squizz it.

SPEAKER_02

Where's Minneapolis though? I forget. Where's Minnesota? Nice. I've been there many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really are. But I wear cameras there.

SPEAKER_05

How do you cameras? There's cameras. Yeah. Yikes. Yeah. Forgive him. He's from Kansas City.

SPEAKER_00

Can't say he must have. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_05

Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt you. I just need to quiz my my co-hoster.

SPEAKER_01

That's alright. Yeah, uh, I was living there, uh, wrote my home pastors, and was like, guys, I wanna I wanna just go and lead worship and maybe volunteer with students, something like that.

SPEAKER_05

So you're a worship leader, or or you had a talent for ministry.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, a lot of those. It was pretty bad. We stand and lift up our hands. Yeah. It was rough. I didn't know how to sing. And um, no. So I did that, and like probably like a month later, uh, my home pastor wrote me and was like, actually, no, he called me. He's like, hey, uh, I want you to come out and interview for this position. Um, we're gonna hire a youth and music director. We're gonna just make it one big full-time role and like five roles in one, but whatever. But I was like, wow. Um really? And and at first I was like, it's my home church, absolutely not. Right. Um like it's just my home church, and going back to hometown, like none of that sounded good to me at that point. And but I was like, I'll just go do it. Yeah, she was. That God just was like, This is what you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And and from that day on, uh I've been in ministry ever since. I was a worship worship and music director there. I moved to a worship director uh at another church, um, worship pastor ever since then. I met my wife when uh in 2008, kind of in the about five years into ministry. And uh God just started God just started working working through that, using me in in ministry to grow me, grow people. Uh I was in St. Cloud, Minnesota before we came here. And and that journey was crazy because we were actually like about three years before we moved, um we were like, we feel like God's calling us out of this, and we feel like God's gonna move move us, and then we had Leo, and so we're like, well, we're not moving now. And we kind of just paused that and went through a season of just raising raising another newborn and and just waiting on the Lord to say, you know, what's going on, where where are we going, and and um a few years into it, then we started just kind of praying again about like what God wants from us, and yeah, we've been living close to family, living close to hometown, and it was comfortable. Yeah, it was really comfortable, and and so eventually, long story short, we we met MBC, met uh Steve and uh NBC and not MSNBC, not MSNBC.

SPEAKER_05

We don't want to get that confused, we're gonna get all kinds of different haters.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but it was crazy because I mean at that point we had uh Leo was two, uh Daphne was four, Rory was six, Stentley was ten. So I mean our kids were young, yeah, and we were like, you know what we should do? We should pack everything in a semi-trailer and move 1100 miles. So that's a little crazy. Um, but we absolutely knew it was what we were supposed to do. Yeah. And that was it was a really exciting, terrifying season at the same time because it's just like all your trust is in the Lord to just be like, this is what we're supposed to be doing. Yeah, and we knew that, uh, but you know, along the way, there's always things to kind of test that. But that led us here. And so we've been here since 2022, and I came on staff as the worship pastor, and um have moved to an executive role as of August of last year.

SPEAKER_05

Nice.

SPEAKER_01

So that's in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_05

Can I this is more of like and this may be a deeper question when I go to this early on, but hey, why not? Let's do it before you you mentioned it, you felt like God was calling you. And I I I know I I understand that language, but I think there's some maybe people who are watching who may not understand what that means. Like, what does that mean? God's calling you. Can you can you maybe identify what that meant to you? Maybe some more layman's terms, like it whatever, whatever way you see fit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, I think some of it was some of it was just a natural restlessness in us for a while.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, that's good, okay.

SPEAKER_01

And um like some was like something doesn't feel right. Something doesn't feel right. And what was crazy is uh the church we were at and the city we were at, we we were close to family, the church was in good shape, the church was growing, the ministry was growing. Right. So like from the outside, you'd be like, like even people were like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. And and and so it was it was kind of a deep restlessness, and we didn't know at all of why, but we just knew it kept going. And it kept we kept feeling like it's not here. Like there's something that God's calling us to, and and we were good with wherever, except Green Bay.

SPEAKER_05

So it wasn't identified as like you so you didn't identify it as okay, there wasn't some pre-existing hurt, or there wasn't some like pain that was causing tension to move. It was it was a very natural, like, hey, I'm missing something.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it it was just it it felt like it felt like uh it felt like uh be ready to move. Be be ready for the next. And and that's the best way I could explain it. And uh and what was interesting in the journey is I was we we were both kind of hungry for that. Like we were both like, yeah, you feel that right? And and we'd pray and we'd we'd be talking together, we would look at churches and we'd get excited about things and ministries we would see. But at the root of it, it was not like a discontentment with the church, it was this restlessness of like I need to be ready. Yeah, it truly felt like like God was giving us some sort of prompting to say, I need you to be ready to take a risk.

SPEAKER_05

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And that's hard to explain, but when it's like when you like when me and Jen were both kind of preying on it and feeling it, um it just we we just took one step at a time in it, because we were like, if it ain't right, uh he'll shut it down.

SPEAKER_05

Well, I love I love that you explained that too, because I think sometimes uh there's two different people who could be watched people who don't know what that means, which you you explained very elegantly, elegant eloquently what that means. And there's also those people who I've been hurt and trying to find an excuse to leave or try an excuse to get out of their situation when they should just face the problem they're they're dealing with. So I think it's important that people distinct, hey, maybe God's not calling you to leave where you're at. Maybe you're just not dealing with the thing in front of you. Right, right. And and maybe that's something you should do. That's right. Or in the on the vice versa, maybe God is calling you to do something because there is no pre-existing offense. This is something deep in you that you just can't explain. That's good. Yeah, yeah, that's good stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, there were lots of there were lots of things we could have pointed to and used as like an excuse. But it was never a thing. It was never a thing. I mean, we could do that, we could do that anywhere.

SPEAKER_05

Anywhere, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You could do especially if you're in ministry or I I don't know, not just ministry. You can do that in your life in general. Yeah. You can look around and be like, this is busted, I want out. When it might just be a moment that God's trying to refine or bring you into something, and you gotta press into it. You gotta at least try to press into it before you abandon it.

SPEAKER_05

A hundred percent. My my my father-in-law actually gave me a beautiful uh that I was going through a real hard time, and he was he he gave me this this hey man, I was thinking about you today and I had this random dream or vision of you, and I saw you with a pickaxe, and you were you were hitting this rocks and hitting these rocks, and you were just ready to give up. And then then the camera panned out and I saw this huge vein of gold that was just a few hits away. At that time he didn't know I was gonna marry his daughter, which I think she's that vein of gold I hit, but this the it's just moments away, and when you're ready to quit, it could be it could be detrimental to your future. So anyway, I tagging on to what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02

Good plug for your wife there.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you know what, I gotta do it, bro. Gotta do it. Love you.

SPEAKER_02

So, Brian, five kids from all the way from two months old to 14 years old, right? Yo. So at what point do you st um the uh the speaker of that night um actually like saw Borett and started talking to him to him through the mic and everything, and like Borat grabs the mic and is like, can God uh can God forgive my retard brother and it's just crazy, dude. It's insane. And this like good old boy Louisiana, of course God can burn Yeah, yeah. It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_05

I mean it's true ish?

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah, it's true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's very nice. Sound theology through the through the Borat, whatever.

SPEAKER_05

Some people need Borat in their church to make it more uh never mind. I'm gonna stop. Okay, go ahead. I forget y'all work at churches, I gotta be careful. Well y'all's church don't count.

SPEAKER_02

No, we're bluebird. Perfect church. Brian, which just moving on here. Which child is most like you? Yes. Uh yeah, Bentley.

SPEAKER_01

My oldest. Bentley, for sure. For sure. Yep. Um, yeah. I mean, for better or worse, he takes on all of the all of the things. So sometimes he does things. I'm like, where did you learn that? And I'm like, oh. Look in the mirror. It's awkward.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm uh I'm kind of afraid for those days, but I know I know they're coming, and I know it's just part of being a dad. Um, but yeah. The the older I get, and even even Allie sometimes, my wife, sometimes is like, you're so much like your dad. And I hate it. Well, I don't hate it. It's not that I hate it.

SPEAKER_05

Is it a part where she's like doing nothing and drooling and stuff?

SPEAKER_02

She's like, You look just like your father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more so with a lot of my responses, and uh, I don't know if this is just a man thing, but my dad growing up driving, just always watching everything but the road. Yes, dude. It's so true though. Bro, like I just like, oh that's nice.

SPEAKER_05

Minds more, do you see that Chevelle, bro? What is that? Uh-huh. You know what I mean? I'll we'll send I'll send you videos. We'll be on the road. I'll see a I'll see a really nice car or some like souped up truck or something. I'm literally driving 89 miles an hour down the road. Like, bro, look at this car, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good, just look at you. Alright. No, no, no. That's what you say to me.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this jacked up truck, something you drive, little gay boy. This pink station wagon.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so Bentley is just like you. Yeah. Uh in what ways? Um You said for better or for worse. For better or for worse. We dive deep here.

SPEAKER_01

We don't have to, but uh the worse. Oh man. Yeah, so like he's 14, so. So he's been watching me drive for a while. So this came out like last week. And we're like driving, and I have like I definitely, man, Texas, like, Texas did something to me. I'm I'm a pretty aggressive driver now. So it's like if you're in the left lane and you're doing 50 or 55 and it's speed limit 50, I'm gonna be like, what are you doing here? Yeah. And so he is like strategizing. He's like, hey, you can get by him. Right line, there's nobody up there. Before you respond, he's your co-pilot. Yeah, he's my co-pilot. And I like, like, in my in my head, I was like, nice. And then I was like, Oh no. What have I done? And then like I had to tell my wife, and she's like, see? I told you there was your fault. He did this because of you. My eight-year-old like outed me because I told her, I was like, No, I've been I've been trying to do better. And she's like, Dad drives 60 and a 50. Oh my Daphne, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_05

You're supposed to keep that quiet. You're my little girl. Don't do it. No juice box for you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Uh yeah, uh, better or worse. Better, um, I like to think I've like modeled like hard work ethic. And he is like, actually, one of the things that's caused like some some angst in our house is like, he's like, I I can get a job. We're like, you got plenty of time for that. He's like, no, like, let me go get a lawn job. Like, I need to go buy a lawnmower, and I need to and he's like, he wants to work. And if I give him a yard for a yard for me, but if I give him a legit, like, man, take that apart and put that together, and if it's like good, like manual labor, he's like he's on it. And I'm like, thank you, Lord, that he's not like I don't want to play a video game. There's been some good things where I'm like, okay, that's good. I like to I like to think that I like to think it was my heart to give him some kind of you know, DNA where it's work is good.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You know, I think that's pretty amazing at at his age to want to work. That's pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Because I'll tell you, when I was 14 I want to do hood rat stuff with my friends.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I was not wanting to work. I had to.

SPEAKER_05

I had to. I was hating. Hold on, pause. Look who came on camera. Oh, look who came on camera.

SPEAKER_02

Big old scary puppy. He's allowed in here now. I mean, we have the door wide open.

SPEAKER_05

No, he was sitting there so good the whole time.

SPEAKER_02

So quite a few episodes we talked about uh we talked about a mini split quite a few episodes, and we I had one. I installed one, and then it broke it. Yeah, broke probably broke it, honestly. I did something wrong. I don't know. Uh electricity is not my thing. You give me uh a motorcycle motor or a small engine, I mean any motor. Give me any motor, and uh that's my thing. But electric.

SPEAKER_04

Nah.

SPEAKER_02

Not it. There's a reason I don't have electric dirt bikes. No. If it fell apart, I was like, I wouldn't know where to spend. The plug ain't working.

SPEAKER_00

Where's the carburetor on the wire? There's the wires don't match colors. There's not that this was wrong from the start.

SPEAKER_05

But I love it. Anyway. Big beautiful pulpish, big beautiful purple.

SPEAKER_02

Um, my wife sadly hates him right now. He's been uh what'd he do? He's being a little too much. He's attention seeking. No. I couldn't guess, dude.

SPEAKER_05

No, I couldn't guess.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, what are those cameras? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Uh he is ten seconds away from flipping this table over, though.

SPEAKER_02

He's not allowed on furniture, and he's been while we're gone. Uh so we have a camera inside for him. Just to see how he's doing. Because before we had a baby, we were just I mean, he was the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he got replaced. He's all sad. Yeah, he's jealous. Yeah. And he's been getting on the couch and having a grand old time on the couch, and that's the that we have a plush white couch and black hair all over that couch. Okay, so Bentley's like you. Who which out of your five is more like your wife? Oh man.

SPEAKER_05

Ooh, be careful here, Bub.

SPEAKER_01

It's not the boys. Oh, yeah, it's probably my oldest daughter, Aurora. Aurora. I mean, it's a cool name, so girls are tied for that because they are like they are gen to a T. Um. They love creativity. She le she's my wife is super creative and is always looking for like just inventing things and finding a creative way through through things. And so the girls are like to a T. So the way they dress, they work on crafts, artistic, um, totally like her. Their joy, their their like just desire to like make people feel like they matter. Yeah, they're just they got all that. Empathetic.

SPEAKER_05

All the things we're not.

SPEAKER_02

I'm pretty empathetic, dude. I see a homeless guy and I'm like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_05

You are pretty, pretty empathetic for sure. My little this is my uh my sister Dustin. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Demas. If you're listening on Spotify, Demas is my dog who has entered the studio. He's a majesty.

SPEAKER_05

He's marking his territory.

SPEAKER_02

Demas, he might have to go back inside.

SPEAKER_05

Hey, come here, puppy. Demas. Yeah, just keep him over there. Keep him over there. Hey, sit. He's a good look. Sit. Good boy. It's alright. He's nodding. Sometimes. Okay. Good boy. This is me and Demas' camera now. He's performing now. Huh. When I first met Demas, I thought he was gonna eat me. It's pretty interesting.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

This this this jackass. No, let me say. He went out of town. I met this dog one time. He went out of town and he I think we'd shared this already, haven't we?

SPEAKER_02

We have, but we've shared again.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, see, he's gone.

SPEAKER_02

We got new listeners.

SPEAKER_05

He went out town and said, hey bro, can you feed my dog? And I said, Oh, you mean your you mean your giant polar bear? Black polar bear? That's what you want me to feed? Like, sure, bro.

SPEAKER_02

We're like a weekend owning him to warmed up to this house. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05

His name's Demas because he had like a German um handler.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, he's a German dog, but it it's German for uh means god of terror.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, thanks for that. Glad I didn't look that up. Okay. So I have I have a little dog, a little dog who thinks he's big. And so I had these little bitty dog treats in my pocket. So I opened the door, and I don't know if you've ever seen that meme of that lady opens the door and there's a tiger staring at her. That's what this dog was doing, bro. Yeah. Like I open the door and his eyes just like looking through. It's like, no, he was just he was just staring at me.

SPEAKER_02

No, but he just looked, he's scary. Oh I mean, I know. Right now he's got puppy dog eyes, but like you walk in the door and he's not ready. He doesn't bark or any I mean he will. No. But it's more so like you step in here, you're getting eaten. Yeah. Like that's the look that he gives you.

SPEAKER_05

I literally took a dog tree, bro, and I cracked the door. It's a big dog, shut the door. It's like big a dog.

SPEAKER_02

And then finally he warmed up to me, and then we were fine. But I listened back to the doorbell uh audio, and you were like, Big I was like it was a deeper voice than that, first of all.

SPEAKER_05

It was more like the studio.

SPEAKER_02

We have a he's in it. He's uh full bred Doberman, he's amazing. Let's continue.

SPEAKER_05

What is the I got one, I got one. What is the difference now that you have a 14-year-old and a two-month-old? Like, like, how does that feel going from that transition back again?

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness. Yeah, I mean, every day is like I didn't remember this. There's so many things that that happen where I'm like, I forgot all about this. Yeah. Or these diaper things. Yeah, uh, that's that's been really interesting. Now, this has been different because because our kids are older, um, there's just a different um there's a different vibe for bringing Millie into all of it because they're all old enough to first of all help, which is just like, oh man, um, do you want to change a diaper? And they're like, Yes! Yeah, like that's it. Oh, that is true. Um, so there's that, um, but it's also just like watching the kids' joy of of just experiencing it. Yeah, yeah. Because it was different when they were all younger, but now they just they have a different perspective of it too. So seeing that unfold has been pretty cool. Uh, because we we actually, when we moved here, we were like, should we have more? And we were both like, I was like, I'm too old and and I want to sleep. Yeah, and we were both just like no, and and so this has been just different for all of us because um, you know, having the kids be the ages they are has just brought, first of all, yeah, help, but like honestly, the bigger thing is just the joy in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watching them experience it has been really rewarding. So that's true, huh?

SPEAKER_05

I got a little bit, my kids aren't as quite as old as yours, but I got a 12-year-old. Yeah, so I kind of feel the same. It's like, oh, they're actually there's there's some parts of this that are really nice. Yeah. Until they get irritated with the baby who's crying. Then it's like, bro.

SPEAKER_01

That and uh like it makes you it makes you real recognize more the need for like attention for them because you gotta you gotta still you gotta still invest in the older kids. You can't just be like, well, this is our world now, and we're gonna just cater everything to the baby. Like, I'm like, I want my kids to know, like, hey, I'm we're still gonna have some special time, we're still gonna go to the ball games, or we're still gonna have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls are gonna go out on dates and things like that. So even before we had Millie, I told my wife, I'm like, I think I think I gotta get I gotta like I gotta get some special one-on-one time with all of them. Which was which was crazy. So like Bentley and I um excuse me, let's see. Well, the Leo and I went to a monster truck rally, that was crazy. Um the girls and I, we went camping and boondocked on a beach. I've never done that before. Whoa. And Bentley and I didn't know you did that with the girls. Oh yeah. That was that was like that was top notch for them. And and actually for me, it was really cool. I I didn't know what boondocking was when I first heard about it.

SPEAKER_05

I don't know what it is now. There's a old there's an old cartoon I used to watch called Boondock Saints. Great show, dude. It's a cartoon, bro.

SPEAKER_02

It's these a cartoon, bro. Bro, I swear to you, Boondock Saints is not a car, dude.

SPEAKER_05

Boondock Saints, bro.

SPEAKER_02

That is not Boondock Saints is not a cartoon.

SPEAKER_06

Look it up.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe I'm wrong. I think Boondock something what what was the show about? Maybe I can help you. Maybe we can help you figure out what Boondock Saints.

SPEAKER_05

It was these two African American boys, right? It was on it was it was kind of like a they were like cussing and stuff, and it's actually a wonderful show. I don't know, you let it be man, you gotta look it up. I'm gonna look it up, bro. You might be William Dufo. Now there was a movie. Yeah, with William Dofa.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, oh no, no, no.

SPEAKER_05

I think you're talking about Friday. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02

That's not a cartoon. With ice cube, you said two little black black African Americans Friday. First of all.

SPEAKER_05

No, it's called the Boondocks. I just looked it up. Totally different one. Boondock Saints is a movie. My bad. My bad. Cut that out. Cut that out. We're gonna cut all that out. I can't cut that. That's great. The racist and Dustin. Cut it out.

SPEAKER_01

Boondocking. Booting. Yeah, you just pull a trailer onto the beach, and then that's where you live and sleep. Oh, that's that's called camping in Texas, bro. It's yeah, you can do it with a tent, but with a trailer, it's way better.

SPEAKER_05

You do it right now, you're gonna fly away from a mosquitoes are gonna pick up your campsite and then gonna take you off to another land.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, it's good. We did that, did that with the girls. Benley and I went on like a mission trip where we went to Guatemala and served together. So, like before before Millie got here, just investing in them and it was was a huge priority. It was just a big thing. And now, now we even talk about this over the last couple weeks. Because we're like, once the kids start melting, usually it's tied to that. What? I'm sorry. When when the kids start melting, like the older kids start like you just have weeks where you're like, what is going on? Did they are they not sleeping? Like meltdowns and fire.

SPEAKER_05

At first I thought you said molting. I was like, it's a new word the kids all use. They're growing birds. Those are kids, bro. This dude's got crustaceans in his house. He calls kids. Anyway, my bad. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

But they'll never they don't know it. Like they don't know that's what they're missing. And then as soon as we get a little bit of investment either with Jennifer, it's just like it's like a 180 in their life. Yeah. And it kind of opens your eyes to the need for relationship building. Even though this baby is like she got a lot, a lot revolves around her. So she is our world, but but you really gotta be intentional as a parent when you bring more kids in that you don't just be like, alright, this is everything, guys. And so that's been that's been kind of on our front doorstep over the past probably month as we've walked into this new stage.

SPEAKER_05

Well, well done. You know what I realized we didn't do, and I I I think it's a perfect time to do that. Cheers to you, brother, for being a such we're not over, but I want to just interrupt and say, uh, five kids, you deserve a drink.

SPEAKER_00

Salute. Salute it's good time. It's good time. It's been a good time.

SPEAKER_02

Bobby Mom!

SPEAKER_06

Bobby Mom.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's a podcast reference that we use a lot.

SPEAKER_05

I'm going to jail for a long time. Love you.

SPEAKER_02

This is a really, really, really rough podcast. I'd recommend you never to listen to a reference called Bad Friends. Bad friends. Uh shut up. It's it's pretty dang funny. Um Bad Friends have become actually very, very good friends and they do everything together, but uh it's they're hilarious. It's it's it's uh a very You don't have to hold that the entire time. Alright, view uh watchers, we're gonna get back into it in just a second. I uh uh shameless plug of another podcast here. I'm not even on the uh no, I was. There you go. Um No no no put it in front of the it's all it always goes in front of the fender of the dirt bike. Just just right here No no no in front of the like go to the freaking fender of the dirt- Do you know what a fender is?

SPEAKER_06

It's behind the shit!

SPEAKER_02

It's right there. You're gonna bring your chair up and then it'll be in frame. It's only because you scoot it out. No, Thomas, you're not listening to me. Put it in front of the fender. You're gonna scoot your chair up when you get back here. It's gonna be in frame. I promise you. A little more. This is crazy. This is stupid. I shouldn't have cared that much about this. Come sit down. I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. Just sit down. Well, you're not sitting where you were. No, no, no. No, no, no, you were like in front of that fridge a little more.

SPEAKER_05

See, look, and then first of all, I'm out of moved because I care about our sponsors. So titleist. Right here. Let's see if it's money. Are these golf clubs older than me? Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02

You know who gave me this? Um, I guess we had them on a while back, old Jeremy Beadle. Oh, Beetle. He said, Hey, I know you're having me, and you should be gifting me something, but I'm gonna bring you a whole golf set.

SPEAKER_01

I love it.

SPEAKER_05

So, did you give us a gift, uh, Brian?

SPEAKER_01

I did. I got you Demas. Brought him in here.

SPEAKER_02

Demas, I think it's time you get out of here.

SPEAKER_05

Hey, come over here. Come over here. Come here. Come over here.

SPEAKER_02

This is this is my version of the Macting. Good boy. Okay. Stay right back. Back into it, guys. Back into it. Back into it. Okay. Brian, I got a question for you. I'm ready. Is there any parenting rules that you had at one point in your life that you have completely given up on?

SPEAKER_01

Um, oh my goodness. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like when we were first oh poor Bentley. Man. He's a trauma test. No shooting, Bentley! He never he never knew some of this stuff, but you like like we read books and we're like, they're gonna be the best sleepers, and they're never gonna have a screen time in front of them at a restaurant.

SPEAKER_05

I can't wait to put a camera in front of my kids. Not a camera. Cameras won't work. Wow, cut that one out for sure. Not camera. Screen. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04

Holy.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Yeah. Uh yeah, there's there's there's a few. For sure, screen time was like we were like, we are not gonna be those people. We're gonna limit it to 30 minutes a day. And yeah. And it yeah, it it works when they're like infants, and and then reality hits. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And God bless the people that man, hey, if you've pulled off no screen time and your kid is over three years old now, you're a communist.

SPEAKER_05

You're 100% a communist. That's the only way. That's the way you did it. No actual parent can actually pull it off. It's impossible.

SPEAKER_01

We you go from really you go from swearing it off to be like, I've got bribery. Right. I can now use this. I've got five screens packed. Ready to go, just in case. Say another word of your brother.

SPEAKER_02

If you just finish that tiny, tiny little bowl of mac and cheese. Yeah. Bluey is waiting for it. Blueie is waiting exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. Oh man.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, so screen time is the rule that you've just completely given up on.

SPEAKER_01

No, we don't we haven't given up. We're just more intentional with it, I guess, now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you go through you go you definitely go through seasons and and and little like difficult parts where there's kids who are sick, and you're just like, all the rules are out the door. Like, what what do you need? Do you need a helicopter to Cuba? I'll give it to you because the other kids are throwing up. So you have to like you have to find yourself surviving in some of those times.

SPEAKER_02

Cuba is crazy. You get a helicopter to Cuba, I'll get it for you.

SPEAKER_05

You just brought up Did did my wife tell you what happened to us the other day? No. This kind of ties in with Cuba. Were you in Cuba? It ties in? Since you came to Cuba or the hell. Actually, it doesn't tie in at all. That's nothing to do with it. But I thought you said something about another kid throwing up. Is that what you said? Yeah. Okay, let me tell you what happened to us the other day, bro. We had a Memorial Day trip, took the kids out, had a good time. My oldest on the trip with a bunch of friends throws up randomly. We thought, oh, he's just a little sick, everything's fine, right? He's fine. Next day, everything's good. The next day we're going home. And when we're going home, he's so mad about the dog.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, just turn him around. It's just like, look at the backyard of the telephone. All butt on camera, bro. It's just he's just all boy. Stable backed up, man. Back that thing up. Got a big black doggy.

SPEAKER_05

So um your boy throwing up. My boy's throwing up. We on our way home. Oldest? Oldest, yeah, Jackson. We're on our way home, and uh actually we go to like this. We're at the Gows and we go to the strands ice cream parlor. We go to this ice cream parlor.

SPEAKER_02

Ooh, that ice cream collar parlor. Have another whiskey. That ice cream parlor is so crazy. It's so good. Yeah, LA Kings. The ice cream soda?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, LA Kings has like eating it candy, all kinds of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we go there. My my my youngest, well not my youngest, my my oldest walking youngest walking boy. Second shot. You know, third boy. No second boy. He can do it. Boy, girl, boy, girl. The middle boy. That's what I'm gonna say. It's confusing. Got four kids. So he's like, Dad, I uh I don't feel good. And the homeboy starts puking in the trash can in the middle of LA Kings. Like literally projectile everywhere. I'm like, uh oh this is not good. My buddy was with us at the time.

SPEAKER_02

Big daddy scene. Yeah, it's like I don't feel good.

SPEAKER_05

What do you mean? Luckily the trash can. So it's like, oh, this isn't good. On the way home, my my buddy that was with us at the time, he starts throwing up on the way home. On the way home, I start feeling sick. We get home, bro. We get home. My wife, me, my daughter, and the third boy, second boy, is is Josiah is puking everywhere, bro. We throw up like for 24 hours. I threw up like seven times, my wife threw up like six times. My daughter threw up like two or three times. It's bad. Hey, you gotta go, Demas. Sorry, puppy. Oh lay down. Lay down.

SPEAKER_02

I'm coming. I'm coming. Lay down. Please dad. Stay. You stay. Okay, everybody's thrown up.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, everybody's thrown up. It was a really bad moment. And uh that's what made me think about what to happen. Dang. So I don't wish on anybody. If that happens to you, bro, screen time makes sense. Hang in there.

SPEAKER_01

Hang in there. You can do this. Wow. You just gotta wash your hands. Wash your hands? Shower it up. Sensizer.

SPEAKER_00

Well, Thomas, I'm sorry about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Now let's go into some deep stuff.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect transition. Deep. Real deep. We're gonna dive super deep. Deep. So you are from You're from Michigan, right? Shut up. You're from Michigan. Stop. But close to Minnesota. And Vikings are your team. Stop.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm from Minnesota. Are you in Minnesota?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, not Michigan.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_02

Where are you in Michigan from?

SPEAKER_01

I thought you were doing that on purpose. I'm sorry. I thought he was too. I thought he was raiding him. It was great.

SPEAKER_02

For some reason, I blinked there. Anyway, Minnesota makes more sense to you. Absolutely. You're a Vikings fan. Yeah. Viking. Has prepared you more for fatherhood. Having kids or the amount of Vikings losses you've endured.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, yeah. On the hands of Kansas City, nonetheless.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay. Let's show those rings, Houston. Well, if I over there.

SPEAKER_05

If I own a bunch of referees, then I'll give you that one.

SPEAKER_01

I'll give you that one.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, guys. Yeah. Only the best quarterback to exist in the last probably 13 years, but okay.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah! You forgot about joking.

SPEAKER_05

You better do the flip a table, bro. Are you kidding me? No man who ever played ball. Tom Brady was alive. To say he was the best quarterback. No, not a one. It's not a one. Not one. Can't do it. Not in any way, shape, or form. And Patrick Mahomes is the B level, B plus quarterback.

SPEAKER_02

That's crazy to say. It is not. B level is kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_05

Well yeah, it's a good wide receiver.

SPEAKER_02

Last season was trapped. 2025 sealing season, I'd say B level.

SPEAKER_05

Well, when your budget runs out of paying off your referee.

SPEAKER_01

I was just gonna say the ref. Yeah. Alright, guys. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

What age isn't acceptable.

SPEAKER_05

Take this guy to you're supposed to cloud on you and backfired.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no one else is allowed to uh take offense to their NFL teams, but yeah, only me. Only you. Just joking. Okay, Vikings fan, we got through that. Um, at what age is it acceptable to let your children choose a different NFL team?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that doesn't work. That doesn't work. You can't do that. You can happen. Not right away.

SPEAKER_02

That's true. I've been in Kansas City since birth to dead. Well, not since birth, because I mean, longer story than we have time for, but foster care, all the things.

SPEAKER_06

But once finally adopted, but he didn't have any parents. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05

Actually, his parents will love that. I met I met your mom, I met your dad yet.

SPEAKER_02

Did you met my dad? I did. He's at the wedding? At my wedding, yes. He was at my wedding. Dude, the man that prayed over all the group tonight! Dude, I'm talking my dad.

SPEAKER_00

The man that's like dear heavenly father.

SPEAKER_05

He did have a nice pastoral voice. Demus. Dude, you you're still in all the thunder right now, bro. Sit.

SPEAKER_01

I'm absolutely obsessed. Um. Yeah, being a Vikings fan, uh no, no, no. Let's just take it out. Being a Minnesota sports fan teaches you all you need to know about heartbreak and sucking.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so so that's a great segue into my next question.

SPEAKER_05

What do these questions come from, bro?

SPEAKER_02

Which has produced more emotional damage. Parenting teenagers? Or the Vikings. Man, you just move on. We can move on.

SPEAKER_01

Is he a hater?

SPEAKER_02

We well the thing is hater is we got deep way before these. I mean, we're barely into this. We got deep way before my my open liners. Yeah. Which is a good thing. It's good to go deep before your open liners. Those are supposed to be like some of the more chill questions at the beginning of the pod, but we we decided Let's get in there a little bit. Yes, and here we are. So, yeah. Alright. How difficult is paring a newborn? Parenting a newborn. I gotta redo this for social media. If you're listening or watching, sorry. All social media clips have to be perfect one-to-one, or no one cares. So we're gonna do that again.

SPEAKER_05

We already did the uh 14-year-old one. Infant of 14-year-old.

SPEAKER_02

Awesome.

unknown

Man, we're rookie.

SPEAKER_02

Cutting that. We skipped. You asked that way before, bro. You took that way out of the way.

SPEAKER_05

I don't know where you were at. You were asking questions way out of line, bro.

SPEAKER_02

No, I was not. Take one more. It's literally numbered. But let's just take the glass. But you were in Umble, so you you graduated from Umble, so that makes sense that you can't count. First of all.

SPEAKER_05

Don't be disrespectful to my hometown, dog.

SPEAKER_02

Get some better whisk. What is this? Alright, sit. We can't we can't say what it is. Why can't we? You know, bourbon brands will actually sponsor us if they do it right? No, no, no, no. They're like number one in social media and content for suing. Really? What? Let's get it out there. Like they're big, they're like big timers, like, alright. We didn't choose.

SPEAKER_05

Well, we didn't tell you which whiskey brand. That's fine. It may or may not have a buffalo on it.

SPEAKER_02

Alright. Okay. What's something you worried about with your first child that doesn't concern you anymore?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I think I think the biggest thing is um like you know, you know your failures, you know your like, you know the places where you miss as a parent. Yeah. And and especially in our first, there were so many nights where I'm like, we are gonna mess this kid up. Like if you lose your patience or you yell or you you do something where you're like, that's not the dad that I want to be. And and what I realized, I actually realized this because um just talking with my dad as as we've grown as parents, because my dad remembers things different than I do. Like he like my dad, when I was growing up on the farm, like he was like, you know, come in the tractor with me. Like he was I was with him, I was with him, you know, in the shop. He was working, but like I was with him, and he's like, he's like, Man, I wish I would have been there more. Like he told me that a lot in early f fatherhood. And I just kept on saying, What are you talking about? Like you were there all the time. I wish that so like my dad was great, and um like my dad's not perfect, that's not but like but his memory of things was just different, and I realized that just in in raising kids in the beginning, is to to find grace for yourself, don't use it as an excuse, but you gotta find grace and and recognize like the kids are gonna remember the the better things a lot easier than the harder things sometimes, unless the harder things are constant, then it becomes part of their you know core memories or however you want to put it. But just yeah, I I just learned to to be a little bit more uh a little less hard on hard on myself with that.

SPEAKER_02

That's good.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um I have uh obviously I only have one, but I do have something I don't can I have no concern with anymore. Um when she was first born, so we keep our house at like 67. And I was your electric bill's ridiculous, I bet. It's actually like amazing. What? Really? Yeah, it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_05

Two hundred dollars a week.

SPEAKER_02

We have some form of uh do what?

SPEAKER_05

How much is your electric bill?

SPEAKER_03

It ranges anywhere from typically one to twelve to like one forties.

SPEAKER_05

Dude, I'm disrespect, bro. My house is nineteen fifties, bro. I gotta keep it at seventy-eight and it's five hundred dollars a month. And you over here talking about it's keep it at it's thirty-eight degrees.

SPEAKER_02

We have some form of We don't need a refrigerator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we have some form of I mean, and I have like I mean, we have lights on that stay on like 24-7 too, you know? Like this. But we have some form of uh uh very environmental friendly AC unit, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that they sell you on when you go to buy your first house. But uh it obviously paid off. I mean, I mean, they weren't lying, so that's awesome. Um, anyway, so we keep our house usually 67, 68, and uh when we first brought my daughter home, first like a couple days, I'm like, we're gonna kill this little girl. She's getting hypertherminous. She's it's it's we're freaking freezing her out. We're gonna kill her, we're gonna turn this up to 80. And then I was like, 80's too much. Yeah, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna go back down to 6'7. Yeah, yeah. Because I researched it and it's completely violent. Right. So that was a concern at first. That's no longer a concern. Anyway, respectful. Is there anything that gets harder as your kids get older? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah, they start they start seeing your and they start seeing your stuff. They start seeing all of the the ick, and you're just like, oh, cover that up. Like driving, you know, I talked about that before. Um, they they see the little things that you're like, when when you tell them, hey, don't do that. Don't talk about people, don't, don't complain about that person on the road. And then like we're driving on the road, and they're like, that guy's a moron. It's like, don't talk like that. You talk like that. It's like, oh like they start, yeah, they start like picking up picking up your vibes, and so as they get older, uh, the mirrors start getting bigger. So that's fun.

SPEAKER_02

Oh man, that's fun. Mirrors start getting bigger. That's a line. That is a line. Wow. That just hit me in the chest. It's a good time. Thomas, you got any questions over there?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I think I think I got some that are uh maybe a little off script. We talked about briefly earlier about like you know, God saying you feel like God's calling you to something and what that actually meant in layman terms. What does that mean? Um when you started having kids without having to use what I would call Christianese, how would you describe the moment the or the moments of your children being born and what that meant to you?

SPEAKER_01

That's good. Yeah, there's nothing like that. There's nothing like seeing new life. Um there's nothing like watching watching your wife do something that's just completely amazing and and like you can't you can't relate to that at all. Um makes you makes you just be like, man, women are amazing. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05

Um she's gonna let you always remember this moment. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, shoot. What was the question?

SPEAKER_05

Uh about about your kids. So so when your kids were being born, how would you describe that moment or what was the feeling you had in those moments? And how would you describe it as somebody maybe who doesn't have kids or is about to have a kid?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it just it it opens your eyes to a responsibility that that you you can read about, you can hear about it, but until you see it right in front of you and you just say, I'm responsible for this. Yeah. Like I've been given this. Um that's it's eye-opening. Um it kind of humbles you, it reprioritizes things without you even having to think about it. Like you just all of a sudden there's this baby human. And then like from a from like a you know, heart standpoint, like seeing a seeing a baby, your heart, like at least for me, it's like my sons, my daughters, it just melts your heart, yeah, and it makes you just be like, all right, I'm gonna fall apart right here, just in the beauty of this brand new baby. So um yeah, it's like nothing I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, another one that's maybe tying into that. What do you think is the biggest lesson God has taught you um through your children? Okay, we're going off script. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

The um this is a churchy word. It's a churchy word. Can I use a churchy word?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_01

Repentance.

SPEAKER_05

Can you define what that is?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so repentance is when you do something stupid or you do something wrong, and you can choose to you can choose to be like, no, I didn't do that. No, you're making that up. No, just be quiet. Or you can say, I I I did that. I wooed. I yelled. I was impatient. I I made that situation work. Worse. Teaching your kids that you're willing to to to express or to admit when you're wrong, and repenting to it, repenting for it to the Lord has been like something that he has been absolutely ringing me out on lately. Um because it's first of all, like for me, um it leads me out of denial of like that didn't happen, or um like I just have trouble putting my kids to bed when when I leave things unresolved. And so I I've been trying to make sure I don't leave things unresolved. Even on nights where we don't see eye to eye, especially with our my older kids, um I make sure that that there's there's some semblance of a move towards repentance or apology and um and that has changed a lot of things. It's it's changed our relationship with them. Um but the older they get, the more I feel like that's necessary because it shows them mom and if mom and dad are willing to do that in their life, that's something that should be part of my life.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And that's what's important to me, is not just that I like make the situation right. It's really I want to I want to help them build their character. Right. And that's that's probably the biggest thing to me that's important is that they see a character being built.

SPEAKER_05

That's good. Very good.

SPEAKER_02

Do you feel like that's uh an when you're showing your character being built? Do you feel like that's like the most successful you feel as a dad?

SPEAKER_01

Or when when are those moments that make you feel what are the moments that I feel the most successful as a dad? Yeah. When they when they practice things where you're like Okay, that's okay, I see integrity. Alright, I see character. I see like our kids, our kids cannot, cannot, um, we cannot drive around the Houston area and see homeless people without them being like, we gotta stop, they need food, we gotta like I like part of me is like, no, this is too crazy. Like there's cars everywhere, and we can't, you know, like the the adult in me is like drive on, you never know what they're gonna do. And but like their their that innocence in their heart and their joy for for for serving people is just like okay, those are moments where that that's that's a pretty big deal to see good things, good character come out of your kids.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they learn that from somewhere.

SPEAKER_01

They do. I mean, I th I your wife must be amazing, bro. I was just gonna say, I was just gonna say it's like my wife is fantastic. My wife stops at every yeah, I gotta drag her off.

SPEAKER_02

She's got peanut butter and jellies made for every cartridge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

No, that's beautiful, bro. That's really good.

SPEAKER_02

That is. Um speaking of like just character building character within yourself and and uh things like that. Um I think there are so many men that uh struggle day to day with just what media fills their minds on what a man should look like, what a dad should look like, feel your feelings, feel what your heart feels, like you are who you are because of the way you feel, all of that. What do you what would you say the biggest lie that men are facing today?

SPEAKER_01

Men or fathers or both? Both.

SPEAKER_05

Great. Father first.

SPEAKER_01

Um dad first. You are um you are a father before you're a provider. You need to be both. Dang. But if you're just focused on being a provider and you miss father, there's gonna be there's gonna be this constant tension either in your heart or your wife's heart or your kids' heart, because you're you're after I just gotta make sure there's food on the table and my woman feels cared for and she can go get what she wants to buy or whatever. Like, if you're just stuck in the provision, even if you're like, even you're for a follower of Jesus and you're just like, I'm doing my job, I provide C, but then your kids are starving. It's like you you're missing a piece. Um fathers need to be providers. Um but the father is the priority number one for sure. And it's like Provision is the fruit out of fatherhood to me. But if you just pursue the fruit and you don't you don't actually pursue the heart of the fatherhood, then you miss something and that tension is in your life.

SPEAKER_05

That's good. Okay, I I I have one. Alright. And we don't have to air it. Okay. And you don't have to share it if you don't want to. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Uh but I've So if after this clip right here you just see us black out and go to another question, it's because we chose not to air it.

SPEAKER_05

Exactly. Exactly. Um what's the biggest regret you have as a father? If you want to share. Again, we're going off script. Um word.

SPEAKER_01

Procrastination. Procrastination of um building healthy relationships in my kids, procrastination of discipling my kids, not taking time to help them wrestle through things with scripture, not spending good prayer time, but like I've procrastinated pieces that as a follower of Jesus, I said, this is gonna be important for my kids. And and then I keep on thinking, well, they're only X years old, so I'll fix this. And and I've hit the spot where I'm like, Stop. Like you cannot, you cannot do that. This is this is a lifelong. Like I wanna I I don't want them to be like dad started to check in with these things when I was 13 or whatever. Um so that's that's a huge that's a huge regret, I would say.

SPEAKER_05

Um is there an example of that regret, like you replay in your mind often? Or not often, but sometimes.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I would say like there's times where um, especially with my oldest right now, there's times where I can tell he wants to talk. And man, this sucks. I can tell he wants to talk, and I am like, I just need to be done for the day. And and it's kind of like and and then after, like, there's some nights where I don't give in to that kind of like misstep, but then there's some nights I do, and I go to bed, and I'm just like, what have I done here? Like, what in the world? Like, I'll beat myself for every other thing or every other, you know, job, or if it's an outdoor task, it's like I don't I don't do that. Like I get it done, and and here I am. It's the most important thing I can do to pour into them, and I procrastinate it. Or or uh or there's a selfishness to just say, hey man, I just need like I just need to I need to be done for the night. And those are those are times those that's probably the biggest regret I have in my heart. And um, like we've started to actually Bentley and I have started to watch The Chosen together, which has been really cool to to just be able to experience that with him. And he actually went after it without like without my prompting. He's like, Can I watch that? I'm like, uh yeah. So that like that has that has kind of resurrected some of that regret because I'm like, here he's hungry for it, and and I've missed years in that because just procrastination or or selfishness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

That's a good one. And for those who don't know a chosen is literally about yeah, chosen it, uh you probably describe it more than you. It's kind of like a new modern version of telling Jesus' story. Yeah, um, and it breaks a very, very unique perspective of what it was like performing these crazy things that we see in the Bible, these wonderful things we see in the Bible. Yeah. So uh I highly, highly recommend it. It is a it is a really good, really good show.

SPEAKER_02

It is very good. I want to take this uh just a quick moment to just remind you all, remind y'all who follow us, who have been because we we gained a pretty large following really fast. And I'm sorry that uh uh we don't know every single one of you, but uh that's just the reality of our story right now. I just want to remind you all um if if uh I know we're we we're doing a lot of Jesus talk. Um we are not afraid of Jesus, we're not afraid of telling our stories, we're not afraid to uh let you all know we're Christians, we've been upfront about that from the start, but we also want to invite you, continue to invite you into this pod. Okay. If you don't know nothing about that, if you are so far from from Jesus, if you if you're I mean atheist, whatever, whatever you are, like if you're just like I'm not really into this stuff, you're still welcome here. You know, there's still value in this pod for you. And um uh we can I mean dive into a lot of what that means and all the things. There's obvious values of of um uh the Bible that are very against what modern what modern uh parenting looks like parenting looks like, what social media tells you, what all that. And so I think you'll still get a lot of value out of out of these pods. But um I I just always want to be tender to those that follow that that uh don't know anything about this stuff. Like we we would love for you to.

SPEAKER_05

If you don't like it, you don't have to. We're not gonna force feed you anything, but we will say is uh uh this is first and foremost about dads. Uh and the greatest father we've ever known uh just happens to be who we serve and who we believe in. And and honestly, uh I think there's some real utility in that. Not just take the religiosity out of it, take the take all that out of it. There's real utility in understanding that um there's somebody or something bigger than you. And as a father, I think it's it's healthy for you to understand that and healthy for you to adapt that to life.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, I think you you just led demons through a moment.

SPEAKER_01

Let's play it again.

SPEAKER_02

He said, Bada Hunda, shut up a key. Oh my god. Yeah, alright. Okay, get okay. Brian, I have a I have a question for you that I think I'm kind of working through myself because um I'm obviously I don't I don't have uh a child who's of age where I kind of have to separate from like work work life and dad yet, but I do have a wife that I'm trying to work through that with. Um and so how do you separate um Pastor Brian from being dad?

SPEAKER_05

Or occupation from being dad.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, either way, either way works.

SPEAKER_01

Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah, I think um I'm still I'm probably gonna sound like I've figured this out, but honestly, it's it's a pretty it's a pretty pretty rough journey. Uh but learning to turn learning to turn that off and learning to learning to make sure that um presence, I think that's that's the number one word coming to mind right now. Like being present. Um no matter the day, no matter the conversations, um, you know, as a pastor, lots of things come your way. But no matter the day, no matter the heaviness, no matter the the craziness, no matter the the weight that you come home with, or the stress, or the exhaustion, being present. Like I I remember a friend of mine, David, telling me, he's like, I basically tell myself on the way home, you're halfway done. Because he's going home to his family. And and that's always stuck with me, and I do not I do not do that well. Like I I still struggle with that for sure, but it's just been something that has been extremely like convicting to me lately, is to be present and when I come home to to hear my kids, to to talk about the day, to ask them about their day, to like my little boy, like when he I I used to like when he would go to bed, he'd be like, Can we have a story? And I'd be like, No, it's bedtime, you've already and now I'm just like, just do it. Like just be present. Like at no point, at no point when I've taken the extra moment have I regretted it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But but if I do the opposite and I and I come home and I'm only half half invested, or I got my phone open and I'm messaging things. So so learning how to turn phones off, learning how to turn my brain off, that's just that's a discipline, and my wife is gracious with me because sometimes I'll just naturally drift to like I better answer this, and she's like, No, you don't need to. Right. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're replaceable there. Yeah, you're not replaceable here. Like we we say that a lot. And wait, wait, wait, gosh, go back.

SPEAKER_05

Say that again. Say it again.

SPEAKER_01

You are not replaceable in your home. You are replaceable at your work of uh with the place where you work. I don't it doesn't matter where you work, I'm a pastor on staff, and you can spiritualize it, over-spiritualize it, under-spiritualize it, but I'm replaceable where I'm at.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

For sure. No matter the value that I bring to Magnolia Bible Church, I'm replaceable there. But what what does not Magnolia 6?

SPEAKER_02

What's our red We live in Utah?

SPEAKER_05

8 30 a.m.

SPEAKER_02

We're 11 30 a.m. Sundays. Get there.

SPEAKER_01

No, but like, if if I go away from our home, if something happens to me, like that's man, that's just that's like devastation. Yeah. Wow. Obviously, like the worst things that happen is like you lose your life, but like, but if you're not present, it's it's almost similar. Because like if your kids just know a dad who's just like, oh man, he goes to the bedroom right away and he he like checks out, and and then at bedtime he's yelling. It's like that's me some nights, and I hate those nights. So um I'm just I'm learning that lesson the hard way. That's just something that that the Lord has just been ringing me out on. And by the grace of God, he gave me a wife who is not afraid to be like, stop. Wow. You are you are not replaceable here. Yeah. And I need you, and they need you, and that has been yeah, that's been real.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it's a good one, man. Not replaceable. That one will hit home for weeks to come. You you you're singing a similar song to what our friend Conrad, who we had. Yeah, Conrad a couple episodes ago. Yeah. It was it was very similar. It's like, hey man, like you get one shot. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Yeah. That's really good. Really good.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's so good. Um, yeah, I think you just developed a new dad quote quote. Yeah, next shirt. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so good.

SPEAKER_01

I'm present, man. I'm here. I'm with you. That's the thing, dude. I literally petted him the whole thing.

SPEAKER_02

That's why I'm like, get out. Because you pet him once he's not one of those dogs, and I think it's uh I've been told it's Dobermans in general. Dobermans are just Velcro dogs. Yeah. If you pet him once, they don't leave you alone. But and I see. And I hate him for it. But I don't. He's a sweet dog. He's sweet. Um, but he needs to get out of here because it's interrupting the pod. Um Brian, is there anything about fatherhood that has taught you more about the father? About God.

SPEAKER_01

Patience. Like learning. Impatience, the lack of it. Um the lack of it makes me realize that's not who he is. Like when I when I lack it, I realize I'm actually modeling the opposite of what he does with me. And so I want I want my kids to know the father. And how in the world are they gonna Like He's given me, like we always say, like, our kids belong to him, yeah? He's let us be stewards as parents to model to be Christ, to be examples of Christ with them. And so if I want them to know who the father is, then I want my behavior, I want my reactions, I want my uh spiritual life, I I want the way I take care of my body, my home to look and resemble something like what the father has called me to. And so when I lack that, I realize I'm I realize I'm just missing an opportunity to represent the father to my kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So good. Alright, man. We have two final questions that we asked. Um DUS. One of which we have kind of asked every guest so far. I've reframed it a little bit for this one. And the second question I want to start asking every guest we have on. Um so the first is if all six of your kids were sitting here 30 years from now.

SPEAKER_05

Wait, you have six or five? If all five of your kids, that was prophetic. We're gonna have another kid.

SPEAKER_02

Well. Yeah. Uh I'm no prophet. Uh it could happen. I don't know how. I won't ask my random question with that for the sake of time. Okay, just just for giggles. I was going to ask, and I don't want you guys to answer. I was going to ask if you believe in modern day prophets, but we won't go there. Just we we'll save that for the next time we have you on. Yeah. Um, so if all five of your kids. If all five of your kids were sitting here 30 years from now, what would you hope they would say about you?

SPEAKER_01

Oh man. Uh I would hope that they would say. Oh. I would hope they would say he was there. Um I would hope.

unknown

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01

Dang, that's a good question. I would hope they would say the that he was there. He was present. I would hope that um dang, man. I'm like, I'm blanking right now.

SPEAKER_05

It's a hard question, bro. It's a hard question.

SPEAKER_02

Just know that you're not the only one who blanks here. Yeah. There's uh you ask me that question, you ask any of our guests that question. Thomas especially would just I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05

The disrespect right there.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I I would hope that they would recognize that um, like as a follower of Jesus, I would hope that they would recognize that I pursued I pursued Christ. I pursued a relationship that that just made me um dang man.

SPEAKER_02

It's probably the most thought-provoking question we ask, because there's so much and we we just ask it for a reason because it's it's like um it really, really pulls on those, like, man, who do I want to be as a dad? And who do I want my kids to see me as later? You know?

SPEAKER_05

I had the opportunity to hear this question a lot, so I had a little more time to mull over it than you, so um, but I I kind of narrowed it down to this. So if I if my kids were here 30 years from now, I want them to know that I did everything I could. That's it. I did everything I could. I loved them every way I could. I provided every way I could. I was patient every way I could. I was strong everywhere that I possibly could, but I did everything I could. And if I were not able to say that, then then maybe I maybe I'm missing a point.

SPEAKER_01

Could be wrong. Yeah, I would I would want them to I would want them to know that my identity wasn't wrapped up in other things. More than just being their dad and being their father. I th I think that's the best way I could put it. I could put all kinds of Christianese into it, and I think that's where I was like, there's like 500 things. Yeah, yeah. At the end of the day, I I want them to know that they were they were my world. And um and that I'm for them and um and that I'm there for them. I think too, like one of the things I've started to say, especially to our older kids, because they're starting to like they're starting to really mess up sometimes and and get to like the really bad spots some days, and and I've seen my or I've kind of gotten to that place where I'm like, hey, there's nothing you can do that will ever make me not love you. Yeah. Um because there's been a couple times, especially since Millie was born, that the kids have been like, You love so and so more than me. Like that's come out of their mouths, and that just makes me go, oh and so like that's probably part of that. Oh, sorry, part of the reason I'm so like because we've just been going through that in our house right now. And I'm like, where did that come from? I don't ever want them to sit around a table and say, Yeah, I think dad loved you more than me. Like, I I want um want them all to feel that like um that that non like there's nothing you can do to ever change uh how I feel about you, how I care about you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That's so good. That's really good. Uh we're gonna start asking this question to every single dad who comes on this podcast. Um what makes you a dad?

SPEAKER_01

Oh man, the best way I can losing yourself. Like Okay. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_05

That was pretty good.

SPEAKER_01

I I I don't I don't know how else to say it because it's like I wasn't ready for that. Yeah. I would say losing yourself. Cause usually when I'm messing it up, it's because I'm about myself. I'm Wow. I'm looking out for myself. I'm oh poor buddy, they didn't talk nice to you. Yeah, yeah. It's just like what the heck? Right. And and or oh man, my kids are so hard and so loud and they keep on breaking things. It's like whatever. Like just stop. Like rise up to it. Like you you've been given this. Like some people, some people don't get that opportunity. And so it's a gift. It is a gift to be a dad. It doesn't matter how if you've if you're a follower of Christ, it doesn't matter if you've not, like, it is a gift to be a dad. And and you're gonna have to learn, we have to learn to lose ourselves in that. It's worth it. Dang in on that, bro.

SPEAKER_05

So good. That's that's a that's a good way to close it out, I think.

SPEAKER_02

You got anything else?

SPEAKER_05

Nah, man. I thought you were you talking about y'all got really sharp with the question. I was like, well, well, a boy meets a girl, and they fall in love sometimes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But dude, I literally I literally thought of that response earlier, too. I was like, after I sent the questions to you, I was like, he's gonna have some freaking response. Technically, bro. What makes you dad is you love the birds. Okay, Brian. Thank you so much for being here. It was a pleasure. Another cheer, Mr. Brian! Cheers, Jim. Thank you. Hey, okay. Y'all, thanks for tuning in to the Deadco podcast. Greatest podcast in the world for dads. Peace out, guys.

SPEAKER_05

My ear hurts, bro.