Compersion vs Jealousy Episode 4

Let's talk about the difference between compersion vs jealousy. Do you get jealous or do you experience compersion with your partner?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hey guys, and welcome to Modernly Faithful. We are on episode four of our conversations around the topic of ethical non-monogamy. Here with me in the studio, we've got Mez G.

SPEAKER_05 0:17

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Buenas, buenas. And we also have, of course, my twin and Stevie John. Hello, hello.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

Hello, everyone.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

And we hope that you've enjoyed uh the various topics of conversations, as well as hopefully have created some conversations of your own because of some of these conversations. So we always hope that that is going to trigger you guys into communicating better and communicating more. And there's never enough communication. So we highly always encourage it. And today we are going to be talking about jealousy versus compersion. Now, a lot of people might not know what compersion means, but I didn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

What is compersion?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Miss G did not know.

SPEAKER_04 1:05

It's okay. I didn't know either.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Compersion ultimately is the joy of watching somebody else experience joy. So basically, joy, fulfillment, happiness over somebody else's joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

I see.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

So again, jealousy versus compersion. So we're breaking down jealousy versus compersion, how to recognize the difference and how to turn those moments of discomfort into tools of deeper connection. I guess we'll start at the beginning and jealousy. The J word. When does it surface? Does it surface? And what do we do when it does surface? Um, and then I think I want to say that gosh, I'm not the jealous type, but I will say that jealousy isn't always about the physical components of a situation. Uh it could also be an emotional connection. It could be a um there could also be jealousy for the the ease of detachment too, which I think is quite a skill for those who have it. I I do not have, I do not possess that skill. That is something that I I lack in. And as a matter of fact, if there is something that is not okay, I will dissect it and carry it for a long time. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

A long time.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Until it until it somehow created peace in my head over it. Um, but but yeah, let's talk about jealousies and see how some of those conversations have transpired. Uh, I'm gonna start. I can't exactly remember a moment where I may have experienced jealousy necessarily, but I do feel that I have been jealous about other people's way of detachment. Like they could easily come in, get the job done by Sayonara.

SPEAKER_05 3:41

To me. Oh my goodness. I feel like it's about us, babe.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

I am jealous of that. Like, I wish I could do that. Like, I need to know what's your zodiac sign? Um, do you like your coffee with creamer in the morning?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

No, that's a I think it's a good thing. Like, you're you're getting a deeper emotional like experience than someone who is a wham bam and a thank you man.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah, for sure. I definitely can't do it. I just can't do it. I can't do it. You can't do it. I'd be like, don't you have a middle name as I'm taking my I didn't know everything about you.

SPEAKER_05 4:18

Yeah, like I see you in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

That's me. Like that is totally me. I don't that's definitely not my wife's problem, by the way. Um she's like, I don't even know, I don't even want to know her name. I don't even want to know his name. I'm gonna I'm gonna call you sexy tonight.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

I think you know, I'm the same way. Like, I mean, if I'm gonna do a one-time thing, I was like, I don't need to know your full name. I'm like, just call it gonna go bye. If we see each other, we see each other. If we don't, does it hurt my feelings?

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yes, slut.

SPEAKER_04 4:57

We all slut here.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

I don't know, I guess it's different for us, but anyways.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

So yeah, I think for me, jealousy, I don't necessarily experience jealousy to see my wife enjoy another. I think I probably land more in the compersion state of that. Like, I truly do love to see her in her extreme glory, a very sexual being. And so the more I see that, the more that I enjoy it, and that is a turn-on for me. Um, and actually makes me like go another round, a third round, a fourth round, a fifth round, whatever it is. Like it keeps me going. I'm not, I'm definitely not the person that is gonna be like, okay, well, I finished, let's wrap it up, clean it up. Like, I am just not. Oh, you guys okay over there? Sorry, guys. Our our our co-hosts are feeling a little targeted. He said co-host, co-host, are feeling a little targeted, but I'm I'm not that person. Like the more I see that orgasmic behavior, the more I want to get in there and keep going and keep going and keep going. Like we actually, so side story. We have uh we have a couple that we've played with, and hello? Hello? Did somebody fax something? No, we have a couple that we're like the headphones off. I'm like, what happened? Uh we have a couple that we've played with in the past, and they are ones that I would consider somebody to be our energy match sexually. And we've had this conversation before with you guys about them, but like we've we'll be in the same, we'll play in the same room, obviously, just side by side initially, and then we'll slightly swap, and then we'll go back to our own partners, and one will get started, and then it'll get the rest of us going, and then we keep going. Literally, there's one time we must have been up all night until seven in the morning, just going at it, going at it, going at it, going at it.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

But Dana would be swollen shut. Well, we did have breaks in between. It was kind of like okay, a break. But like a mini break. Right. But then, like 10-15 minutes later, oh, well, there we are again.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Yeah, it's like we'll get started, and so we now motivated them to keep going, and vice versa.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

And so I'm getting sleepy, I'm gonna sleep.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

But then they start like, oh, we fall asleep for like two seconds because it's already like four in the morning. It's like, oh, we hear somebody.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

I was like, okay, well, here we go. I'm jealous of that because I want to do that. And Amanda's more of the wham bam, all right. Well, looks like it's time to go.

unknown 7:53

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

I do not sound like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

She does not some she doesn't sound like that, she just acts like that. Um, but but it's true. I think that that sexual energy to me is in it's um very inspiring. Now, I will say, sometimes that might come across as like cuck hold energy. That is not my energy. I I'm I don't do that. We don't do that. You know what I mean? Like cucks. I mean, somebody could correct me if I'm wrong, because I do believe there's kind of different types of cuckolds where some just like to watch, others do like to participate, others don't even want to be around.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Well, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Are you are you a cuck if you participate?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

I'm not well versed in that either.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah, I would say no. In my opinion, you are not if you are actively participating. To me, a cuck is only someone who watches and again steps into that role of um conversion, right? They're just watching, they love to see their person just experience all this joy, and and they're enjoying that through them.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Uh and to me, that's what the a cuck is somebody who just watches or doesn't watch but isn't around.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Like I've heard there's people that like they'll send videos like during or after, and they'll they'll enjoy that. So that's some a form of compression for sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

For sure, I can see that. Yeah, it's like you'll enjoy that through that experience. Yeah, so I I'm definitely not the jealous type. I don't think I've ever considered myself that way. I'm pretty confident.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Maybe it's a pricey thing because I'm not jelly either. No, no, I'm a jealous side.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Oh, Stevie John's giving you the look.

SPEAKER_04 9:48

I'm not favorite, I'm not jealous.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

She's not jealous.

SPEAKER_04 9:52

I'm not. I'm not a jealous person.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

I don't know if I've experienced jealousy within the lifestyle. I will say I have experienced jealousy. We have um talked about us having another woman living with us, and during that time, there were times, yeah, it was fun, and then there are other times that I would get jealous, but I don't know if that's just different because it was more we were more involved, I guess. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, but because that wasn't to me, that wasn't in the lifestyle, but in the lifestyle I have not experienced that.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

I guess it it is a form of the lifestyle, like or an extension of it, if you will. The polyamory is some I would I guess some polyamory relationships would say we're not in the lifestyle, we are in a committed relationship, but it was a committed, closed relationship. Correct, but then we do have some couples that are polyamorous who are in the lifestyle, and they come out with their like we met two couples who are polyamory couple together, which means that they swap husbands and wives on a regular basis within themselves, within the group when the the four of the war. And um, you know, they show up to events, and sometimes it's the one husband, or sometimes it's the other husband, and vice versa with the wives. So they they consider themselves polyamorous, but they're clearly also in the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

We've actually met a couple. They this couple was married, and they met another couple who was married. They both got divorced, they married each other's wives and husbands, and they're still best friends.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

That's weird.

SPEAKER_04 11:46

That's what in the I'm trying to think who that is.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

I'll tell you when we're not live.

SPEAKER_04 11:56

I probably do, but I just probably don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

So ultimately, I think that the conversation around jealousy comes down from a place of uncertainty. And not you know, it could stem from two different places uncertainty from your spouse, or even uncertainty from within. And I think sometimes, you know, females might feel the level of uncertainty if all of a sudden the husband in that swap or in that transaction, sexual transaction, is appearing to be more passionate, more loving, more intense than they would probably be at home. And now a female could say, Well, the frick? Why'd you do that to me?

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Why are you doing that to me?

SPEAKER_04 12:48

So that I think Oh, okay, now I see what you're saying. Yeah, maybe I'm a little bit, a little bit, not too much.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Jealous about that?

SPEAKER_04 13:01

Yes, because like so there's so there's stuff. I am close to the mic. Oh my goodness, you want me to suck on it?

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So sorry guys, that was that was our mando.

SPEAKER_04 13:14

What do you want, brother? I know, like I'm close to the mic. I was like, really? So, yeah, so there's a little a little jelly when it comes to like Johnny. So I like why are you guys laughing? Why are you laughing?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Johnny's about to have a connection.

unknown 13:33

So loud.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Did he not tell me like make out with the micy guys? Because I get closer to it. He did. Like now I'm close. Now he's complaining.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Okay, continue. Carry on.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

Anyways, so I do get a little just a tiny little bit jealousy. Other than that, I'm not really a jealous person.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Wait, why? Why do you get a tiny bit jealousy?

SPEAKER_04 13:52

Because there's stuff that I want Johnny to do to me, and he doesn't do it to me, and he does it to the female. What? And I told him, like, so I told him, like, dude, why don't you do that to me? Like, I like that stuff. He says, Well, I have to separate from um sex to me, the romance, romance, romance sex, compared to like how he fucks other females. Like, I get it, but I'm just saying, but that's what I like, you know, be nice. You do that, do that to me, and he doesn't and he doesn't do it. So when so I when I see him fucking the girl, I want to how I want to get fucked, he doesn't do that to me. So that's why I get mad. I get a little jealous because he's doing that to the female and not me, you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah, but like I love you, uh, I don't love them. So I give you loving sex and I give them borderline domestic violence sex.

SPEAKER_05 14:44

But I oh my god.

unknown 14:47

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 14:48

But anyways, but you know what I mean? I I like a little rub sex. I'm not saying like all the time, like once in a while, you don't give it to me.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

But so what our friends are referring to is that um have you guys ever watched that movie, a bride, what is it, a maiden's tale, where they cover her whole body with a sheet and they just have the little hole where the vagina is. That's how they actually have sex because he loves her, and um and Stevie John actually does eye contact with the other women he sleeps with.

SPEAKER_04 15:23

That's the babe.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

You see her face. I'm gonna get beat up on the way home. Are we experiencing some jealousy at the moment as we relive this? You just brought up Amanda's jealousy, like you heard it in her voice.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

Yeah, I mean, I don't that's the only thing I I get jealous about, but other than that, like I'm not really like a jealous person, besides that.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Yeah, we besides that. I have my own conclusions of my twin. But um, that's for another that's a whole podcast conversation. Um but nonetheless, I think that jealousy is definitely something that can arise from time to time in a variety of different ways, you know. Uh do you want to talk about maybe a jealous experience you've had in within this space at all? And I would agree with you. I don't think that you've ever exhibited any type of jealousy. Um gosh, in the entire time we've been in this, I would say no, but definitely in a more private, uh I'm gonna say uh dedicated relationship. You were not having it.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

No, sometimes I was not having it.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

She was not having it. She would not.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Well, because you know, we were married for so long, and you know, I don't know, you would think like, yeah, I should I 100% we're together, we're our foundation, but I don't know. Sometimes it did feel a little like rocky, like sometimes I felt like, wait, is she taking my man? You know, like it was just I don't know, it was just different. So there were times where I did experience jealousy where I was like, I don't think I like this anymore. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

It's true. When you felt that, did you convey that or did you just kind of like internalize that?

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Oh no, no, she's a cancer.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Did you forget?

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_03 17:19

Well, I can't hide my emotions to my Pisces husband here.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Yeah, there's nothing that can happen.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

She feels and knows like emotion.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

So a lot of what would happen. I a lot would a lot of what would happen, because like my wife would get up a little bit earlier to get the kids off to school, and we were all three of us sleep in the same bed. Um, so the other woman and I would stay behind, and she loved morning sex. And so when Gabby would come back, we were probably still in the middle of it, and she did not like it. She did not she did not like it.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Like, how dare you not include me in this? I I can see that. I can see that jealousy come from there.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Once kind of we were up and ready, I can I can see her be cold to her.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Yeah, like just shovels things around. I'm like, are you good?

SPEAKER_03 18:18

Yeah, I'll make breakfast. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Like, are you good? It's like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like, no, you are not fine. What is the problem? So we would we did have a lot of discussion. Like, do you not like this? Is this an issue for you? Like, what's going on? And sometimes I would literally have to fuck her like in the laundry room, just so she can get over it.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Like, well, the other side to that was that we had a lot of sex before she came around. And then once she started coming around, like at the beginning, it was like a honeymoon, right? You know, you got together and it was everything's new, and you're like everything's amazing, and but with time, it started kind of like okay, we wouldn't have sex at night because she was wanting to sleep and you know, didn't have sex. We used to have sex like during the day or whenever, right? But with her, it wouldn't. So it kind of started getting a little like, well, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Right, she's like, she wanted to go to go on her schedule and not your schedule, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah, because she was she was more of a morning person, and we were more of a morning, day, and night person, and so right, and and it was it got a little rocky because sometimes if she fell asleep, we'd be like, Well, no, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 19:35

So then it felt like we were hiding, yeah. Like hiding, we're like, okay, let's go there.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Like I would have to go take her to the bathroom and like fuck her there, and then you're so dirty. It was. We had to why are you getting sweaty?

SPEAKER_04 19:54

I was next to the bed. Who cares she's sleeping?

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Oh, that was Armando. She would have been mad.

SPEAKER_03 20:01

Oh, well, I mean, there were times that that did happen, but very little. But very few times, but she anyways. That's the only time I I can say I've experienced jealousy.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Yeah. How about you, Stevie John?

SPEAKER_03 20:15

I don't know how to do it. Yeah, you but you.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

Yeah, let's hear it. Uh I don't get like super jealous, but I mean, yeah, I mean, like, I guess there's been a few instances, but like not as intense as how Amanda gets like, you didn't bang me like you banged her. What the fuck? You mean?

SPEAKER_01 20:32

So what were those instances?

SPEAKER_02 20:35

I think if I if I see Amanda getting pleasured more than I normally pleasure her, I mean it's not like an intense jealousy, but like I'm like, mmm, wait till we get home. I'm gonna show you a boss. But we actually do talk about our experiences after, and like, well, you look like you really enjoyed that, you know, and it's it's a turn on. We actually do like have hot sex after experience as well. Side note.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

You guys are dirty.

SPEAKER_04 21:07

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

It is an interesting dynamic. I think sometimes when we stop and ponder, it's like, what is it that we're more turned on by? The fact that we saw ourselves with other people, the fact that we did something dirty that people don't normally do. Is it it really there really isn't a jealousy factor? If I can think of a situation where my wife maybe no, there's just no such thing. Obviously, outside of that a closed relationship with another woman, which I could totally see and understand, I guess, even though she's the one who did that.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

But yes, but I I was not thinking we were gonna live together.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

But truth came out, yeah, truth comes out. Uh But ultimately, I think if you if you learn to have these conversations with yourself, I I mean I'm always gonna go back to that, right? Because I think so out so much of our experiences are what the ones that we create in our heads. And until we learn to identify what those are, then we might never be able to address whatever we think or are assuming is the problem. So we'll talk about some key elements about jealousy and why jealousy shows up. So, number one, we talked about already insecurity about self-worth. Is it am I not enough? Why is he, she pleasuring better than I do? Vice versa. You know, I'm now not as good as I thought I was because clearly here comes Mr. Incredible with a 12, 13, 15-inch baseball bat. He's got a baseball bat in his front pocket. Um, and so you're over here. I don't even think I can see your eyeballs because all I see is white.

SPEAKER_04 23:09

Right? It's all roll back of my head.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

So it's like, I don't know that I'll be able to replicate that at home. So just enjoy it. Just enjoy that ride. Of course, fear of comparison and replacement. Uh the other thing is like, dude, once this guy destroyed that vagina, what am I supposed to do? Will you not ever be fulfilled the same again?

SPEAKER_04 23:34

Wait till our vagina heals and then go back to it.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

So wait three months before you can resubscribe. Yep.

unknown 23:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

That is I was gonna say a hard pass, but I'm not sure if it's a hard pass.

SPEAKER_04 23:50

I mean, if it's coming in with a baseball baseball bat dick, then obviously that's gonna be three months healing right there. Speechless? Yeah. So you got the butthole, babe.

unknown 24:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

This is gonna be a lot of editing.

SPEAKER_04 24:10

Wait. No, that's a good comment.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Why are you saying it's he'll get the butthole? Oh, because it's small?

SPEAKER_04 24:15

Smaller than Oh, but then that one's not sore.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

It's still intact. Me, you carrying on uh lack of clear communication and or agreements. And I think that's a big one, right? It's like, hey, you weren't supposed to have your throat down his your tongue down his throat. Um, you must have enjoyed it a little too much, where you're now feeling this feeling of jealousy and you know not feeling like you are where you belong. And of course, cultural conditions around monogamy. That's a big one too. It's like learning to respect the etiquette around ethical non-monogamy and how that transpires sometimes, especially I think men on the men's side, they could feel a little belittled if in fact someone else is manhandling their woman.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

True, but that's also something that should have been spoken about beforehand. Like, are you comfortable with that? You know.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

So speaking of, actually, to go back to your original conversation or thoughts on the way you manhandle another woman when she is not your wife, does that mean that you're comfortable with that same level of manhandling when another man manhandles your woman?

SPEAKER_02 25:51

To be honest, to be completely honest, like I do I don't yeah, I guess that would be a little bit of jealousy. I would feel like, oh, what is going on here? What is going on here? Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_04 26:02

Well then you better start doing it then.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Oh better start doing it.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Right, so because that's an interesting point. Like, do onto others as you would like, done onto you, right? Like, is that one of those things where this is what I like for me, but do I like it for you?

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Well, also the woman has to like want to be, you know, like I'm I'm super big on like wanting to like be wanted and wanting to, you know, enjoy like how she would like to be enjoyed. So like if she wants to be man-handled, she has to kind of convey that as well, too. You mean like it's not just me like going, all right, here we go, put your hands behind your back, you're under arrest.

SPEAKER_04 26:46

You mean well are you gonna ask that female if they want to be man-handled? No, you just do it.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Oh, Armando!

SPEAKER_04 26:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 26:54

That's how she is. Like, she like she'll grab the girl's legs and just wow.

SPEAKER_04 26:57

Yeah. I fucking do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

If I can do it, then you can do it. Have you ever done yoga? You're gonna do it right now. Good heavens, guys. Um, so just for the record, that is not an ethical non-monogamy practice. We definitely want to ask for consent at all times uh before just spreading someone wide open. May I spread your legs open, please? And if she's yes, then you proceed.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

There's never been a complaint, too, so I guess her method does work, but definitely consent is a big, big thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Yeah, I think her method works. There's probably a state of shock for a few months after, but but definitely I think that the the method can work. Obviously, it worked for us, uh, but still something that you want to get in the practice of doing is asking for consent, making sure it's okay, making sure it's something that all partners are okay with and want, so that you can enjoy uh that time together. So, what's a good way of reframing jealousy? Uh, see it as information and not failure. So, for example, if Amanda were to say, Hey, I would like for you to do some of those things to me, right? So instead of uh feeling that it's coming from a place of jealousy, feel it like it's coming from a place of communication and saying, Hey, this is what I would like to see from you to me, and also receive it as a way of information. It's like, oh, I think my wife's likes to be a little whole sometimes, and I can treat her like one in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_03 28:51

You could be like, babe, that was so sexy what you did.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Can you like last night we did that when you were like, fuck me, just fuck me. I'm like, she she was on it last night. I'm telling you what, and she's like, I just want to see you with all these women. I'm like, oh, she's having a home moment again.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

I don't know about all these women, but how many women was it that you said? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

One, two, one, two, yeah, six is the max.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Oh, you weren't here for that conversation.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

No, I guess not. Wait, what conversation?

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Yeah, so Gabby um is probably exhausted in the morning because she she did the job of like five women. She was five different women in different positions. She's like, okay, that that bitch is done. Bring on the next one. Here she comes. Here she comes.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

I did not say that. That's so that's what you wanted to hear.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

In in all reality, it is part of like learning to listen to your partner and realizing, damn, this really gets you going. And again, having that compersion component, like I want it, I want to see that joy, that fulfillment in you. And so you continue to practice that space. Um, so again, see it as information and not as failure. Ask, what is it, what is this feeling so sudden? Oh, sorry. What is this feeling trying to teach me about myself or my needs? Like, what is it? What is this idea, notion, feeling of jealousy that it's telling me about me? I'm a hoe. It's telling me I'm a hoe, and I like it dirty and like it rough. Sorry, that was about my twin. Um, and identify the trigger moments. What were the triggers? What triggered it? Was it the look? Was it the sigh? Was it the moan? Was it the what was it? What was it that ultimately triggered that bit of jealousy or insecurity, I guess? Um, so I think all of those ways are perfect elements on how to reframe that jealousy idea, that jealousy thought. Um, can you guys think of any others that might be good reframes to what may appear or feel as jealousy at the moment?

SPEAKER_02 31:14

Yeah, when you feel in the moment, I mean maybe not say it at the moment, but like, okay, we're gonna talk about I felt jealousy at that moment and this is why, and then then maybe maybe a um a solution to that, you know?

SPEAKER_01 31:25

For sure. Definitely don't, I would highly advise you not to create chaos in the spur of the moment. Because sometimes that's the other thing that gets us in trouble, is we blow situations out of proportion and we create a storm where there should not have been one. Now, that doesn't mean your jealousy isn't valid and that it's not coming from a valid space, but it means that sometimes maybe a grounding moment can help get you to the right place and actually have a crucial conversation that could be the redirection of your space in the lifestyle, right? Because if maybe I noticed that, you know, I see my wife over there, and she for whatever reason did something that caused me to feel a little disconnected or abandoned, and now I didn't feel like I found my place. I'm I'm definitely not going to proceed to create uh drama drama or you know, to cause a storm when there really doesn't need to be one, right? I can definitely go back into my space of conversion. I actually have a good example of a situation that we did experience and we rarely play with singles, um, but we did have the opportunity to um have one experience with a single male. And every time we've we've we've had that experience or we've experienced that with a single male, I again I'm not the guy who just sits and watches. I'm not the guy I'm typically on one end of the spectrum. Uh and so so typically that is something that is very common from for us if there is just another male in that space. And so I'm either gonna be on one side, the other, we'll be making out, whatever might be going on. I'm very much involved. Well, there was a situation where I felt there was nowhere for me to be, and it had to do with um maybe just the space that we were in. I can't exactly remember what how that transpired. Very awkward because it was a little awkward. It was it was a situation where oh, I know what it was. We were hella hoes that night, and we ended up playing in an empty room. There was no furniture, there was no furniture, the the space was empty, the heats just joined us, I guess. All of a sudden we all got the urge to just get playful. Um, but it was an empty space, it was an empty room, there was no furniture, and so there were only so many different positions you could be in when there's no furniture, right? So there was a moment where I was like, okay, this rug is not it. We're I am not enjoying this, and I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna. So I got up and they kept going. And I was like, I don't want to make you feel like I am leaving. So I kind of stepped out to like grab some water. It felt like, well, I can't be on this side, and I can be on this side, and I can't be on this side. So I was like, uh, what do I do? I'm not the watcher kind of guy either.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

It's very awkward because the moment I feel like you leave, I feel like because we we always play together, right? So in that scenario, when I'm I was in a position that I kind of I don't know how to describe it, I I couldn't really move and I I couldn't really like see you, so it was just a very awkward way.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

And I literally had to like push them off.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

Do you guys want to know what position that was that made it so um we had been we had already been playing for a while in different positions in different spots, but at some point Gabby was kind of tired of so obviously we we were standing doing it, we were she was bent over standing and doing it that way. But then at some point, she kind of got tired. We she was obviously doggy style for a little bit, she kind of got tired and she laid down on the on the floor, face stuff on her stomach on the on the floor, and so then he came and hopped on her on the floor. So now there was nowhere for me to be in that scenario because literally her face was almost facing the floor, and there was there was nowhere else for me to go other than just kind of stand. And that that moment felt really awkward to me because I'm not like I said, I was not I'm not the watcher type. I'm not just gonna sit here and enjoy, you know, you in this situation, but I also didn't want to cause any drama and be like, okay, you guys need to switch your spots, like that's weird to me. And I don't mind her just enjoying that moment. I just felt awkward. I didn't have I didn't feel like there was anywhere for me to be. And so so after the fact, we had the conversation, I was like, that was not it. So we need to figure out how to not have that again. And again, it wasn't about jealousy, and I guess the I was, I guess, if we're gonna tie it back to jealousy, had a some it was Yeah, if we want to tie it back to jealousy, it's gonna be the jealousy of not being able to be involved. And I I was not able to be involved at that moment. Not that I was upset at her for that or even at him for that, it was just a weird situation in a weird space. And we did talk about it afterwards on how, okay, well, let's not get ourselves into that situation again. So if you know that happened immediately, no, let's not do the opposition, let's do something else. Because again, the the that space was just not available for that. So it was an awkward kind of moment that again, afterwards we had the opportunity to talk about and say, not it. We're not doing that one again.

SPEAKER_04 37:48

I could not do a threesome with another dude. That's a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02 37:54

And she's over here telling me I gotta do six women.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Yep. You could do it, huh? I could totally see my twin doing it too.

SPEAKER_04 38:03

Actually, I can I could see you with three dudes. No, that's too much work. That'd be gangbang right there.

SPEAKER_03 38:09

No. Gangbang right there. No. No, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

No, honestly, like I I could not do with threesome with another dude. That's just too much work. Because you can focus here and you can't focus what's going on down there. So you gotta make sure, like, does this dude's hard? Make sure Johnny's hard. It's like, okay, that's too much work.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

Wait, why is Johnny over there and not over here?

SPEAKER_04 38:31

Johnny's down here in my vagina.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

He gets the vagina area. He doesn't get the other area after we switch. Oh, now you're gonna get you're gonna be second dick, Johnny?

SPEAKER_02 38:41

That's why she's always like, oh, let's get a girl, I'll you do all the work.

SPEAKER_05 38:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Guys, I'm telling you, every day is a new day. Every day is new things to to um think about and explore. I mean that's the I think the beauty of the lifestyle, right? There's so many avenues of growth and opportunity that we we're always learning. We're always learning and we're always growing. Um, so quickly, we're gonna talk about practicing compersion. Uh, because compersion is almost like the antidote for jealousy, right? It's almost like the the one that's gonna help smooth out the feelings of insecurities and not belonging. And like, for example, to the story that I just shared, could I have had a moment of compersion and just lavished in the joy of the joy that she was experiencing at the moment? Um, that would have been that may then I would not have felt awkward. Then I would not have felt disconnected.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

But it wasn't really, really, I wasn't, it wasn't joyful, by the way. Oh, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 39:52

It was that's not what her moans were saying.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

Well, she was fake.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

I was kind of more like, get me out of here. Was it because there was no furniture and like a little small space?

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Or maybe because he had a baseball bat. She said, Oh, it's not furnished.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

Well, it looked like I was having a good time. I I in that moment I was not.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

She really wasn't. She had the worst rug burns she's ever had.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

It was not. It was not. Anyways, go on.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

The next day I was like, you slut.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

Moving ready long.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Said, are those rug burns on your knees?

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Yeah, that's why I was like, uh.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

So she's like, yeah, see, the moans were not, they were real pain.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

You need to come up with the signal, like me and Johnny does. To stop.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Except for there was nowhere for her to find me. Flare gun. She could have weaved. She's like, I love you. Um okay. All right, um so practicing compersion. So small steps, celebrate your partner's happiness in non-romantic areas first, work, hobbies, friendships. So that's a great way to start practicing compersion. Oh, I love that you get to uh spend some time working on your car. I love that for you. It makes you feel happy, and I'm happy for you. Or, like in our case, like I love that you get to sit down and watch your show. Like you really do enjoy it in the morning, and I think that's an important space for you. So that's great. Or my wife can't seem to get ready without listening to music. So it's like, I'm glad that you're taking some time to listen to music. That's compression, right? It's like I'm enjoying that for you because you are enjoying it. So small steps. Can you think of one that you can say about Stevie John? Some compersion for him.

SPEAKER_04 42:01

Well, he likes playing video games. So I sit there sometimes to watch him play games. Oh, twin. And then sometimes like I join him because he always asks, like, oh, what kind of games like me and you should play? So he'll try to find games for me and him to play on the Xbox. Why are you laughing, babe?

SPEAKER_00 42:17

He's throwing you under the bus, like it never happens.

SPEAKER_04 42:19

No, there's a couple couple games that you bought for me and you to play together. So I really enjoy enjoy those with you.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

Yeah, but you're so this conversion is you watch me enjoy it.

SPEAKER_04 42:30

I do. Sometimes I do watch you. Just like just like this. So this is me, no lie. So he's playing a game. He goes, Oh, babe, do you see that? Oh yeah, babe. I I saw that you did a good job. I'm on my phone, watching TikTok when he's playing a game. Yeah, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

No badass, you guys, you guys. So I don't get compurged.

SPEAKER_04 42:53

Yeah, that's me cheer on just not paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

You were there physically, yes, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 42:59

What about you, Stevie John? Um, I am I'm a cancer, so obviously I'm very into that. Yeah, like I'm like, oh babe, you know you're doing good. Like, keep going your lashes, keep doing this. Like, I'm a I'm a converger.

SPEAKER_04 43:10

I don't take compliments very well. I know it's a I don't. I was like, you're lying.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

Like, babe, you're so handsome.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

So that's good. I think those are good um areas. Those are the small steps, right? So gratitude practice. I'm grateful you get to feel desired, seen, and connected. So you can say, Oh, I'm glad all the men want you, babe. I'm glad all the women want to suck on your situations. Like that's practicing gratitude. Another one is learn to shift focus from comparison to appreciation. So instead of comparing yourself, appreciate that other woman for taking care of your man.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

I think we need a camera.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

We would if we had a camera, guys, you guys would be rolling. Rolling. So what about you? Are you can you think of a a where a place where you can um practice gratitude?

SPEAKER_03 44:19

Yes, always, all the time.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

For come but in a states of jealousy, like, oh, like it, like, let's assume we were back in those days where you're like, oh, look, she's orgasm. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy that he made her come so much. It's not working, guys. It's not working.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

Does that do you enjoy that? Like, if you see me make another girl come, does that make you does that turn you on? Does that do you enjoy that?

SPEAKER_04 44:48

No, she gets hella mad. You making a you make a girl come? Yeah. I don't care you make a girl come. I just don't want a girl make you come, because that's my job. I'm supposed to make you come. So she can start it. She can get your going, get your deck car and go out. And then she's like, I'll finish it off. And then I'll finish it for you.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

Finish him. Wait, have you never come?

SPEAKER_04 45:11

He has a couple times when I'm not paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

What? Um, it sounds a little hostile. I'm not gonna lie. Um so guys.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

Talk about you come on another girl. Like on another girl, I'm coming with another one. When you're about to come, you is that I come.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

That's how you come, Stevie.

SPEAKER_05 45:36

Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

We need a camera. I'm gonna that's the code. Um guys, we're gonna have to. For those of you who can't see, they're putting their two index fingers together like ET phone home. And they're um saying, when you come zing.

SPEAKER_05 46:05

Oh my god, I'm gonna oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

Oh, we should do that. When we put the come, just point our fingers to each other, but like with your coming.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Yeah, on their nose. If you boop my nose, I'm coming. I'm punching. Alright, guys. So we're gonna share some tools for for practicing. Yeah, just some tools to be able to practice um this jealousy versus compersion uh comparison. And I think the first tool is checking in, right? Check in. What did you enjoy? How did it, how did you feel? How can I support you in your monstrous whoness activities?

SPEAKER_03 46:50

That one's interesting. How can I support you?

SPEAKER_01 46:54

No, I think that's an a valid question. Like, for example, uh, would you like it'd be like, hey, so my wife has this thing about seeing me with other women, she really loves it. And it's like, okay, well, how did assuming we just had that experience? How did you feel? You know, how did it feel good for you? And on top of that, like, how can I support you more? Like, how how can I take this and run with it now that you saw that it got to turned on? Like, how can we do more of this for you?

SPEAKER_05 47:27

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

For sure. Affirmation rituals, remind each other of your unique bond. Like, so yes, he has a baseball bat, but does he have my smile? No, no, he doesn't. Uh, things of that nature, right? Affirmations and reminding yourselves of your unique bond and aftercare, create post-experience connections. So cuddle, talk, and affirm. And I think for us that's super important, yeah. That's like a big one, right? If we ever just engaged in an amazing sexual experience with another couple or an individual, then it typically lingers for a while and it's a hot experience after that. Um, we relive it, we talk about it, and we re-exercise it. And we and we zing.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

I think we do that as well. Like, like if it was a really good experience for both of us, and then we'll talk about, oh, that was hot when you did this, oh, you enjoyed that. Oh, oh, oh, let's go again.

SPEAKER_05 48:30

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

And then we zing, zing, and then you zinged again. It definitely is a topic that is never going to end uh because there's always going to be new experiences, new opportunities to learn and connect. Right. So here are some fun takeaways for us to just kind of review and revisit from time to time. So reinforce jealousy uh is this crazy thing that sometimes we relive and we can't always identify, right? So jealousy isn't the enemy, it's a teacher. Compersion isn't automatic, it's practice. So together we can come up with this fun way of converting jealousy into compersion. So that is the piece, right? It's not one of those automatic things that happens, it's something that we have to practice and get better at and learn to celebrate the joy that the other is experiencing. Um when I have felt jealous, when I have felt compersion, what did I learn about myself? So great questions for ourselves. Like when I have felt jealousy, what did I learn about me? When I felt compersion, what did I feel about me? Like, what did I learn about myself when I felt that? Uh those things are great topics of conversation to have. So, what did you learn when you were jealous?

SPEAKER_02 50:03

We learned that um what actually we one major thing we learned is that like, hey, what made us jealous, you know, and and why do we feel that way? And kind of something that takes us to something that we can talk about later, like, oh, yeah, I was okay with it, I wasn't okay with it because of this, this, this. So it is like you just said, like, honestly, like when you said that, I was like, yes, yes, like it's a teacher.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

For sure. It's definitely a teacher. It not just teaching teaches your partner, but it teaches you about yourself too, right? And so the one that's probably new to everybody is compersion. Is I've never thought about using compersion as a way or as an antidote for jealousy. It's like, hey, if I'm feeling jealousy, what if I practice compersion instead and see if I find a place to feel safe? Because compersion is going to help remove that feeling of insecurity, not belonging, not being enough. And it's gonna replace it with a feeling of joy and welcoming and acceptance. Like, oh, I love this for what it is and what it's not, it's not ruining my relationship, it's not ruining my togetherness or my special bond with my partner. It's completely separate from that. Uh, and then of course, what we would love for you to do is tell us about your stories. Tell us about, you know, share with us some of your stories of jealousy and how you managed them and how you dealt with it. For us, it's important to be there for our community. And it's not about always having the right answers, but it's about having conversations that help us get to the right answers. And the right answers might be different from one couple to the next. But what's important is that we create space for everyone's answers and everyone's right. Yeah, you know, because what might be right for somebody might not be right for us, but their right is still valid and it still has a place for it in the lifestyle. Any closing remarks from you guys on the other side of the pond?

SPEAKER_02 52:09

No, I think we've learned a lot in this podcast about um jealousy and compersion.

SPEAKER_01 52:14

For sure. And it's something that we could, as a matter of fact, let's call some people up right now and let's engage in some sexual activity and see if we can practice comp just to practice compersion. Always practice.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

Wear protection. Wear protection.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Any closing remarks?

SPEAKER_04 52:32

No, I've learned a lot though.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

We we have, I think. And that's what's the beauty of this is right that we always get the opportunity to learn a lot from each other, and hopefully we'll learn a lot from you guys as well. So feel free to send your stories. We'd love to hear them. Uh, you can send them to info at modernlyfaithful.com. And who knows, we might highlight one of your stories here in our podcast, dissect it a little bit and see what would have Stevie John and my twin done in that situation, or what would have we done in that situation.

SPEAKER_05 53:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

So, guys, thank you so much for joining us. We always have a blast just having these deep, fun, sometimes a little too jokeful conversations. Uh makes it fun. It makes it so fun, it makes it true to us and unique to our story, and we can't wait to come back again for another topic and possibly even share one of your stories. So, until next time, don't get pregnant.

SPEAKER_04 53:36

Bye. Bye, everyone.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

Bye guys.