Processing Rejection - Episode 6

In this episode of Modernly Faithful, we explore the delicate space between friendship, attraction, and personal boundaries. How do you handle rejection—whether you’re on the receiving end or the one setting limits—without damaging meaningful connections?

We talk honestly about what it feels like when a couple expresses interest in taking things into a more intimate, sexual direction—and what to do when you’re just not there. Maybe you value them deeply as friends, but don’t feel ready (or interested) in crossing that line. How do you say no in a way that’s clear, kind, and respectful?

We also unpack the other side: how to process rejection without taking it personally or letting it erode your confidence or the friendship. Rejection doesn’t have to mean disconnection—it can be an opportunity for better communication, stronger boundaries, and more authentic relationships.

Through thoughtful conversation and practical language you can actually use, this episode offers tools for navigating consent, emotional honesty, and mutual respect—so you can honor both your desires and your limits without guilt or awkwardness.

Because being “modernly faithful” means staying true to yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, and welcome to Modernly Faithful six episode. And today we are here with Ms. G.

SPEAKER_07 0:11

Hi, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Buenas, buenas. As well as Stevie John and my twinsies. How's it going?

SPEAKER_06 0:18

Hello, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hello, hello. And we hope that you guys are enjoying all the various different conversations and a little bit of our banter back and forth. Some of it is real, some of it is real, real. And uh we truly enjoy having these conversations with all of you because I think it brings awareness and it helps us get a little bit more connected. And for today's topic, we're gonna be talking about how to deflect or reject a proposal for sexual play without making it feel uncomfortable or even making it detrimental to the relationship. Because you know, sometimes you are totally vibing as friends, a community, but that doesn't always mean you are ready andor wanting sexual play with that couple or individual. Heck, sometimes you don't even want it with your own spouse and be like, you know what, I am tired today. I feel you wanna, I plead the fifth. Right? Like sometimes you don't, you're not in the mood. And you know, how do you deal, how do you approach that, how do you address it without feeling like you're being rude or disrespectful, or um maybe even burning a bridge with that person in that relationship? Because some people are really, really cool, but and sometimes they're a little almost too cool. Like borderline, you're like my sister, my brother, that's kind of weird, right? Like that could be the case too. Like, you're like my aunt, yeah, it could be weird. So that's a little odd, yay, nay.

SPEAKER_07 2:29

Yes, I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

So that could sometimes be the case, but because you guys are our number one host and you've been poing for a minute, uh, how have you guys dealt with, you know, a propos an indecent proposal that you weren't ready to take? And most importantly, did it did that hurt the relationship or end the relationship? Or are you guys not interested in relationships at that moment? You were just ready for wham bam, thank you, ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

I think we don't try to put ourselves in those situations, but when you do get in a situation like that, it is hard to decline the offer. Bow out gracefully, so to speak. So So you accept the offer? No, it's I think it's more you know, you could there's there's so many different ways you could approach that. You could say, Oh, I'm tired, oh I'm sick, oh I'm on my period. You mean there's there's excuses. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:38

Yeah. Especially you guys.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Yeah, and you guys want to parent a lot. I'm I'm menopausing.

SPEAKER_06 3:45

But I know, but like also like you want to like be able to like to tell them the truth, but don't make up his lies. Because I feel like when we were in it and there's a couple that we're not interested, it's like, you know, it's like should we just bail? Should we tell them that we know we're sick, that I don't feel good, whatnot? I think for me is to tell like the couple straight for like hey, like, no, like I like you as a friend, I think you guys are really cool, but as like you know, banging it out, I don't think it's going to happen. Just like that. Just like that. But also, you don't want to hurt the feelings as well, so it's kind of hard in that situation because then then their self-esteem could be like, oh, you know, you don't want to hurt their self-esteem.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

It really is a a slippery slope.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

It is because like some one of the things that we like typically like to say is like we're not feeling the play connection, but we totally enjoy your guys' company. So that sounds cool, but if you're receiving that, do you feel slighted? Like if we were to tell you guys we're not really feeling the play connection, but we totally love your guys' vibe and we love hanging around you guys.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

I think we would feel like, oh man, are we are we not good looking? Do we or do I did you pick your nose? Like, I think you start evaluating it.

SPEAKER_06 5:08

It was it was a nose picking.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

How do we how do we not get to that on both sides of the like if somebody First of all, if somebody were to reject us, we'd never talk to you again.

SPEAKER_07 5:20

It's so not true.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

How dare you, you're lost.

SPEAKER_07 5:23

Because I was gonna say, I think, you know, I mean, if you want to be of have that friendship, you would understand, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Yeah, it is a it's a complicated situation, but I definitely don't think we should ever compromise our safe space, you know, with to not hurt anybody else's feelings. But at the same time, I think we need to be able to uh be open enough as to give, and you know, sometimes people say, well, you don't have to give your reason why. But if you do not give a reason why, then you leave it open for interpretation. And when you leave it open for interpretation, that's a dangerous space. It is. You know, is it the cilantro on my teeth? Is it the nose picking? Is did I not shower today? Do I smell funny, right? So in our minds, we're so self-conscious about a million things that we start to wonder, what did we do wrong? Or do we not look the part, right? Not that it's ever happened to us, but I'm just saying, like that's cocky. But the reality is, it I would imagine that being the case where where you feel like this rejection of like, what? Or we start blaming each other. No, it's you. No, it's you, no, it's you. What did you do? They didn't like you. They didn't like me? No, they didn't like you, right? And so we definitely don't want to get into that space where we leave it up to interpretation. I do feel that it's the right thing to do to share at least a bit of why it's not a good sexual connection so that they're not wondering, so that the door doesn't stay open. You close that door for sexual play, but you leave it open for friendship and connection. So, what would be a good way to address? And does that even feel comfortable? Do you feel comfortable saying why it's not a good connection? Like, do you even know like if you've think of a think of a moment where somebody approached you and it was a definite no? And would you have been able to say why it's a no?

SPEAKER_02 7:31

I think a lot of a lot of it is nonverbal, like you see like the cues, the signs, or like you flirted on a website or something like that. So does for someone to just come straight to you and be like, oh yeah, we're ready to you know, like I I think like that's not commonplace. Sound effects provided by Stevie Johnson. Okay. What's your take, babe?

SPEAKER_06 7:57

Uh I don't it's just a really hard really hard situation. No pun intended. No, it it really is because like I said earlier, you don't want to hurt them feelings as well, but you don't want to hurt their feelings as well, but you also want to be like honest but not not mean about it, you know?

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Right. So something that's very real to us, and I think it does save us a lot from situations like that. And it isn't fake, it's pretty true. I mean, there's been a few instances where it hasn't been as true as we intended, but we're not the typical couple that, oh, we just met at a party, let's go to a room. That's not our personal vibe. We do tend to want a relationship to get to know you better, to see if we're a good fit for outside activities like a movie, like a game, like whatever, right? Like we love that connection. And so typically when we have conversations with couples, we just meet it's like, oh, we are more friends with benefits kind of people. So we do like to establish a relationship. But the reality is that the lifestyle in itself has a lot of onesies, like one-night stands and random hookups. And so when you're in that space of random hookups, I think my advice would be to definitely learn to gracefully decline and give a little bit of a reason why, not with the intention to offend, like, oh, you're too big, oh, you're too small, or you're too, you know, this color, that color, whatever it is, whatever your issue might be, but really make it more of a personal thing, like, oh, you know, we're, you know, it's not a good time for us right now. We're not really too much into uh mutual play. It's just we're we're still getting a vibe for it. Uh we'll see, but that's kind of deflecting too, because you leave the door open. Yeah. So I think ultimately learning to keep that door shut so that it doesn't come back out open. And it's like, um, what would be that case? I mean, it's kind of hard to know. It's kind of hard to think about something when you don't know who you're talking about, right? Like if I don't know who I'm talking about, I'm just guessing what the issue might be. But I'm assuming um, like if if somebody's too outgoing and too pushy, to me, that would be the reason why not to sleep with you guys or that with them, because that's not my vibe. To me, that means you sleep with whomever and whenever, and maybe it's just my assumption, but that now automatically doesn't meet make me feel safe with you because yeah, clearly ours a hus hose, and no problem with that, but not my vibe, not our vibe, right? We would tempt we would technically okay. I'm gonna talk about a scenario. Uh as a matter of fact, so I used to work at a lifestyle club, and you know, we get to meet a little bit of everyone that comes through, couples that come through the club, brand new ones, experienced ones. And I'll never forget this couple came in from a little bit out of town, a little vulgar, a little loud, a little pushy, uh, to the point where that little pushy became really pushy, and they were really going from one couples to the singles, like, you guys want to go to the back? You guys want to go to back? You guys want to go to the back? And so a lot of people were like, no, no. And you know, they almost had like a little trick where I remember they took a really young couple, brand new to the lifestyle, and then they took them to the one of the back rooms, and I was like, a little concerned for them, but at the same time, everybody's an adult. You know, I was like, okay, well, you're gonna have to let them go. Right. And so nonetheless, they took them to the back room. After a while, that young couple didn't come back, didn't come back for a very long, long time. Like, I didn't think I'd seen them for six months later.

SPEAKER_07 11:54

Oh, that's a clip.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Yeah, and I said, Hey, how did it go? You know, that last time. She was like, Well, at first they said, Do you guys want to come see us play? We can play side by side. And so we're like, sure, we'll come in to see that. But once we were in there, they were like all over us, and and they did not know how to say no. And so they found themselves in this weird predicament where they didn't say no. So was it concentral? Sure. Uh, and then, but now they had not the best experience. Yeah, not the best experience, and and they didn't know how to process it, hence why it took them six months to come back, right? And so that's kind of what you want to avoid. But for me, that type of couple coming up to me or individual would be a no. You know, I already know, we're not interested. And my immediate response was like, we like to take things slow and really get to know you people before we get to any type of sexual play. And I think that's very real, and that's a really good response to someone whom might potentially be courting you, or is that considered courting? Uh somebody might be considered, you know, flirting with you or wanting to engage and play with you, right? To me, it's like we like to take things slow. Uh, we really like to get to know people. Chances are once the minute you say that to the push people, okay. Next, next, and they're just gonna keep moving down the line until they find someone who's willing to take the at least that's the hope.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

I think when for us, when we like go to a party and say what's a couple we haven't talked to before or haven't met before, but we were we kind of have a our bathroom meeting, as you guys have heard before, and we'll talk about it, like, hey, you know, do you like them? Yeah, we like them. So in that conversation, we kind of flirt and we I guess feel the vibe is how you would put it. And if we're not feeling it, we know that okay, they probably might not be interested, or we might not be interested if they're not feeling the vibe. Yeah, uh, yeah, right, right, maybe.

SPEAKER_06 14:01

Not that I remember.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Because I'll kick their buttons.

SPEAKER_06 14:05

No, not I mean, we're not everybody's, you know, cup of tea, so we're not gonna be.

SPEAKER_04 14:12

No, that's so sweet.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

No, I think there was one couple, I think we got rejected one time. I can't remember, I can't remember the situation what it was, but I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Which is perfectly fine, you know, if we're not their cup of tea, not their vibe.

SPEAKER_06 14:26

More than likely, most likely, Johnny was picking his butthole. Oh shh, babe, that's a secret. He had Lent in his butthole.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

That is not true at all.

SPEAKER_06 14:38

TMI. Right? Babe, just need help. You just ask.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

I would just take you to the bathroom if I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

No, I think it's perfectly normal. Now, I'll be honest, I don't think that I would ever find myself in a situation where I'm even ever gonna offer, hey, do you guys want to go here? It's just not gonna happen. It's not gonna be in my nature to do that. Ultimately, if it's happened, it's because it's been the vibe, it's been in the moment, and it has just flown. It has never been so I'll never feel rejected because I'm never gonna offer anything. That's just the way it's gonna go for us.

SPEAKER_07 15:20

Uh-huh. Right? Yeah, can you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 15:23

You guys absolutely so then how how do you get to the bedroom? Usually that somebody comes in offers all the time, every single time.

SPEAKER_07 15:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

And most of the time.

SPEAKER_07 15:36

Or we'll just go play like like with each other, but next to crowd forms. Yeah. And then it kind of depends on how that flows.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah. Yeah. Like the last time we were in California, that was when they came to us, you know. And so uh it typically that's always been the case. Hey, do you guys play? That's that question. Right. And so it's like, that's okay.

SPEAKER_07 16:01

They're asking for a reason. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

So if we do, or if we're interested in that couple or in that individual, we'll be like, yeah, we play. And so then the conversation happens. Well, do you guys want to play? And then, like, let me see what you got. I'm just kidding. We need stats. Yes. No, ultimately, that's how that's happened for us, but we've never been out on the hunt, I guess. Uh, we're never like scoping the room. Who do we want to play with? I guess, even though we're official hoes, I don't know that we're I'm so proud of our radar, like, oh, those over there, let's go get them. We won both. We won them. To me, that is never gonna happen. That's never gonna happen on RN. However, we have had to say no, we're not interested multiple times. Uh, but for a couple of different reasons. You know, and and that's typically our go-to is like we do like to take things slow, and um, we do love to create a connection before we engage in any type of play. Sometimes connections are instant.

SPEAKER_07 17:04

Mm-hmm. But then there's so many, so many times we can say that. Yeah, like very rarely.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

That's not true. We've now had more instant than not, but sometimes and I wonder how that happens too, because maybe we were more open to them when people offer, we're like, okay, we're down, versus at the beginning we were like, nah, let's hold off on that for a little bit. Right. Because we really I I do think you when you know, you know, and sometimes you just know. Like, hey, you guys, us together, you see it, because I see it, right? And then we see we all see it.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

That's funny because in our bat, but in our bathroom meetings, like I'll be like, I know that you're into this girl or that guy, this couple, blah, blah. And then she'll be like, Yeah, and then we'll we will be the hunters.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Yeah, they definitely are hunters. Johnny and Amanda, like, um, when you when I see you guys at the club, we're like, are you guys out looking for bodies? Yes, yes, they are.

SPEAKER_07 18:09

It's like, oh, there they go.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

So yeah, it's it's surprising we haven't gotten. I mean, you feel the vibe though, but I'm asking for people that are listening that want to know how would you guys turn down a couple who have said, Hey, we want to go play. You guys play, we would like to take you to play.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yeah. I think if we're feeling it, it would be like, Yeah, we play. Uh let's let's go check out how this works, which we have done in the, you know, let's go, let's go experiment that. Uh, if it's not our vibe, then we'll re go to our go-to answer, which is we do usually like to take things slow and get to know people a little bit better.

SPEAKER_07 18:52

Okay, it's in Tico.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Yeah. Um, you know, and that's typically a little weird. That typically scares away anybody who's out hunting.

SPEAKER_07 19:05

Because everybody's different too, right? And then once you start in that play, if something is going away that you're not into, I mean, then you can kind of just stop it and be like I'm not feeling that.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah, I feel like uh So we have never we've never experienced Yeah, we haven't.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

I'm just saying. I'm in my mind, I'm just saying if it were to happen this way, yeah, you know what I mean? Like for sure, I think you would be able to stop it, I guess. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Just sometimes people don't have the I'm gonna say power to stop it. Like they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, they they're trying to be nice, polite, and then they put themselves in an uncomfortable situation that they feel.

SPEAKER_07 19:56

I guess maybe like that couple, right? That scenario that you were mentioning, they were stuck in the situation, they didn't know how to get out of it.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

You know, an interesting uh community for this is the hot wife community because we've been in several hot wife community events, not necessarily because we're into that scene, but because we help facilitate them. And the hot wife community is very different. You know, it's there's a a lot of single men. I would say it's 50-50 when it comes to single men and couples, which means that's a lot of single men. And they're constantly out. You see the ones that are the hunters, and you see the ones that are passive. The passives are just kind of watching, staring close enough in case they get tagged in. And then you've got the hunters who are like, Hey, do you, hey do you, hey do you, hey do you? They're constantly going from one couple to the next couple to the next couple, you know, kind of hunting down the female to see if this is gonna work. And so it's a very interesting dynamic to witness. Oh, yeah. The husbands are hunting for other men to take care of their wives.

SPEAKER_07 21:07

Which is so weird, but yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

It's not weird in their life, in their story, but it is weird probably for us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 21:14

Yes, when I saw it, it's like what?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

And you know, everybody's got a different kind of type of fantasy and thing that they're trying to fulfill. But but it is interesting to see that dynamic now in the hot wife community, a a rejection is not a big deal. Like these single men are so used to dealing with that. It's fine, next, it's fine, next, it's fine, next. And so sometimes we tend to get a little bit in our feelings about like, well, how dare you? Now I could see how that probably being rejected by a single female or even a single male is so much easier than being rejected by a couple. Yeah, I totally agree with that. Yeah, because I think when now we're we're dealing with couples we're dealing with multiple dynamics and it's like well why not because we don't want to rude you know what I mean so so I I in that in that world I think single females are you know one of the cream of the crop when it comes to like well they have the ability to reject freely and they don't really care about any of the emotional components that come along with that single men same thing nine times out of ten they'll never reject an offer uh they'll just be like sure I'll take it sure I'll take it you know as opposed to couples well we now have a couple of different dynamics to think about sometimes in the couples you know the female is great the male not so great or vice versa where the male is great and the female not so great and so you kind of get yourself into these situations where like look you know the male is outgoing you know he takes care of himself he definitely feels like he's the vibe and he wants to but the female does not look like she wants to right and so you're like why would we put ourselves in a situation where this is not if it's two couples is not meant to be a threesome if you know what I mean. Like it's supposed to be it is is she engaging is she's not engaging and and vice versa when the female's like all about it and but the male seems a little standoffish you're like dude we do not want any issues this is not a good connection right and so it's like if you don't want it if you don't want to be a part of it then let's just table it and find a better connection where everybody's happy and connected. At least that's my experience with the multiple couples that we've worked with and seen as well as for ourselves I think in this space. Now what's not okay is to body shame or age shame right and you know I think that some people there's some really bold older more experienced people in the lifestyle who are specifically only looking for young people and I think that if that's them and you're the young person then they're perfectly comfortable with your rejection because they've probably experienced it a lot.

SPEAKER_07 24:33

So you know what I mean because there are young couples that they don't mind an older couple.

SPEAKER_06 24:38

Like correct everybody has different yeah everybody has their own like everybody has their own cup of tea right of who they like who they don't like stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Right and I think the other thing too is is body body connections because I think people sometimes people like really big people and then sometimes people like really really skinny people and so it's just it's one of those things that sometimes at least for the most part for us it's not really about body type or age but it's about that vibe. If you're giving me if you're giving me mom and dad vibe it ain't gonna happen.

SPEAKER_07 25:18

That's not the vibe.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

You know if you're giving or a sister brother vibe yeah if you're giving me like I work at the IRS vibe we ain't doing it do you pay for your taxes? Yeah so it just kind of depends on the vibe. If the vibe is there we're all in if it's not it's not a good time and it's so easy to really respectfully decline and say you know what it's not a good time for us or we're not feeling the sexual connection but we really enjoy the company yeah that's the ideal answer and and it is hard because you don't want to reject or hurt feelings like you said.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

And I do I'm kind of curious to hear from the community like how did you reject not re I guess reject isn't really the right word right experience have the How have you guys not played in a situation where you were offered and didn't want to like that's that's an interesting I want to hear.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah because I think we all have different perspectives right like we are not definitely not new to the lifestyle but we're so selective in regards to how like our intention is never to find a couple to play with and I think that is that is 100% true. We're not ever going to an event we're just looking for friendship. Yeah we're looking for fun and if it's fun people and if it happens to come to life then that was completely unexpected not expected by any means and I think a lot of people in the lifestyle always go with expectation expectation to find a good match. And and that's a that should be a whole different topic conversation right because I think that the live just because we're in the lifestyle doesn't mean that we're always looking for partners to swap with you know it just means that we are open to swapping with partners if it's the right partners I I think some people like when they they get out there w once a month you know they got the kids they got a babysitter like all right well we now we gotta try and make this happen because this is our night out you know and I I think that's a lot of some sometimes what that happens yes babe you used to be like that remember this is for a different topic no I I agree with Johnny yeah because there's couples out there like he said like okay there's a one lifetime a toonie who knows when it's going to happen again it can happen like two months later three months later so they're like okay we're gonna find somebody we're gonna smash so I think those people are less likely to reject an offer yeah I see those are hunters because he's a hunter he's a hunter and she's a huntress I am a huntress I am a hunter wait a minute every time you guys would go out you're always with the expectation that you're gonna find someone the intention is to find someone to swap with I think no because I think it's we go and we see are we attracted?

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Okay. Then is the vibe there? Okay. So there has to be like they have to be marked checked you know if those aren't marked like we're not oh well screw it we'll take them you know we have no choice.

SPEAKER_06 28:48

Yeah we're more yeah well we Johnny well we well Johnny used to be like that when I first met him he was like okay we're gonna do once a month and we gotta do it no matter what so after the huge communication that we talked about you know and we didn't and then no he was he was really like we're doing it once a month no no matter what we'll take whatever aspect that was before because oh my gosh that was before yes it was that was before when I was a little wee bet little virgin. We little lad. Yeah we little lad but we got him better we got him better about our communication and what we like so now we go based on the vibe. If the vibe is there is there's friendship then it's a possible it can happen. If it's not then sorry.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

And attractiveness. Yeah like we we have to be attractive.

SPEAKER_06 29:28

Yeah so let me ask you this have you ever banged it out with someone whom you did not find very attractive but yet did it anyway yes I have taken it for the team for the team for a couple of times where I told Jon's like no I don't find this um this dude attractive I just don't just don't just don't like him he's not attractive to me. So there's a couple times I have taken the and I've also taken tour team a couple times yeah a couple times but now we're on a attractive but she wasn't the she was attractive the dude wasn't or sometimes they're both not attractive and Johnny If they're both not attractive.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Well in my my situation I don't think they were but in Johnny's eyes it they were but we've turned a page and now we yeah we look for what we and we kind of know but we both like now it's actually we're on a we're in a really good space this is this is what this is what yeah it's when we were like a little we when I was like first learning and whatnot so it took a year or two to figure out what you didn't hear what the words that were not spoken were like and now we're best friends see we were just little wee swingers no I was a little wee swinger you already you were an expert when I met you I was an adolescent swinger you were a helicopter swinger there's proof there's proof there's we have it on video we'll upload it to our OnlyFans interesting I mean I've supposed no no that would not happen to us we would never be in a situation where we feel like um I think that sometimes for example we were just we literally were just in this situation where the female was really attractive but the male but that was kind of different too so that's what I'm I'm it was the it was was it though it was it was different because we were both enjoying her so it's not like Gabby really took one for the team I know that's why I'm like I don't know she wanted some of that and got it and so it's it's not like that. Yeah I don't I don't see it like I took it for she's like was it a miss to be next to that when I was having this and so then so maybe not you take the pros and the cons but would it have been would it have been a different scenario if she was not into women then yes I think it would have been like well no I can see that yeah yeah so that's where sometimes there's compromise when you know you're like okay well um if you're into both of us and we just have to deal with a couple of things here or there's fine but if you're just wanting a full swap then chances are that's not gonna go so well.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

That's hard to tell them that then too like you were saying back to that well we want this but how do we know let's navigate carefully and and and then that's when so when people say how about we blindfold ourselves and just go with the flow like we're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_06 32:59

We're not gonna do that. No because I already see what you look like.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yeah like I can't whose hand is that there's not it there's not enough imagination in my mind to right as a matter of fact everything will be you and now I don't want it. No I definitely think that there's a million ways to do that. It's if you're newer in the lifestyle and you're not sure how to navigate that, you know, that is basically your as get out of a situation card is saying, you know, we're really new and uh we're not even sure what we're looking for at the moment. So I think that's a clear not disrespectful way to tell someone we're not ready. And that's okay. If you are more experienced chances are you can help us figure out how to say no to we're still learning as well without without hurting because what might work for one couple might not work for another and you know if like I will never forget this is a completely different scenario but you know I remember one time I we were waiting in line somewhere and there was a friend of ours who was a little bit heavier we were waiting in line and we had patio chairs and uh a friend of ours another friend of ours really tiny really skinny sits on this chair breaks the chair right and she's like well I'm glad you broke the chair because if it would have been me it would have been because of my weight right and so clearly it now the chair is broken and it's not good. So same thing would happen in a situation where you're like, you know, depending on who it is you're not gonna want them to think oh it's about your weight it's about your age oh it's about whatever ultimately really learning to be kind while not necessarily burning a bridge but not not opening the door for potential play down the down the road either you know things like we're we like to take it slow. We like to develop a relationship first. Now here's the thing let's say we're at a party we just rejected this one couple because it wasn't the right vibe. But we see another hot couple that we're like okay we want to hump their brains like how do we go from we're taking it slow to hey I don't know what your name is but do you want to go to the back room? And then they see it and then they come hello.

SPEAKER_02 35:29

These mothers Yeah that could be a bridge burned right there.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Yes that could be rough unless you'd be like hey you know pretend you know their name like hey beautiful handsome nice to see you guys again haven't seen you guys since the last time so just play it off yeah play it off and then be like hey how's it guys going?

SPEAKER_06 35:52

Oh my gosh so nice to see you guys again and again and again yes or no yes yes or no I mean maybe I mean I mean if if they play long they have yeah if they play along then it could work.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Well chances are because we're in the lifestyle we meet people all the time and they're like shit I don't remember seeing them but smile and not that's why we like the name tag because we can't like Amanda doesn't remember she's like oh that's handsome and beautiful I'm like everybody's handsome beautiful babe like I mean but I'm gonna be honest if you call us handsome and beautiful when we meet that means you want to blink and I'd be like okay I'm down no matter what we always have our bathroom meeting.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

We like we always talk about it and then like alright what do you think?

SPEAKER_06 36:35

Alright alright you know we have a huddle and he's really that would give you a vibe if I say oh hey handsome hey beautiful you did that would get a vibe because I'm like no she thinks I'm handsome I don't want to do it I don't want to do it tell her I don't want to do it. Well even well even though I tell people I'm like I may forget your names I don't mean that in a bad way I was like I was gonna call you handsome and beautiful because I just forgot your name. So I do I do explain to them. It doesn't matter that's because I'm being I'm being respectful and like I don't remember your name so I'm just gonna call you handsome and beautiful and I do explain to them. So you're blowing them up for no reason so for everybody else you're handsome rude oh my goodness Gabby you're gonna be in trouble with my second husband I think I like how you do that it's nice it's polite yeah it's nice and then actually it like if you see people's faces like it brings like a little glow to them like oh thank you.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Yeah for sure I know I do think it's a good it's a good way to make people feel welcome and included without being like shit what was your name again tell me what's your name yeah because I literally just remembered um Stevie Johns and Amanda's name my twin like two weeks ago and I've known them for years. So like what's going on? So they've been handsome and beautiful yeah they've been they've been up there.

SPEAKER_06 37:49

No but it's a respectful thing because I don't want to tell them like oh I forgot your name what's your name again? I was like I'm just gonna call you handsome beautiful because I will forget your name.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

Yeah. Especially or you make up nicknames for people that that's kind of weird too. Oh that's what's his name it's I'm well that's definitely not his name. That's my thing. That's my thing.

SPEAKER_06 38:07

I do make up nicknames for people because sometimes the nickname is what helps me remember who you are if if not and what sucks about that is that I because I remember the nickname so well I don't actually remember right exactly what is that person's exactly I know faces but I don't know their names that's why nickname but I don't know who they are.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Well I think this is a one of those conversations that we need to hear from everybody it's the gift that keeps on giving because we're constantly learning to be grounded when we have these conversations and say, you know, I don't our intention is not to hurt anyone but we also want to be ready for that connection and we don't want it to feel forced and uncomfortable or else it's never gonna work, right? So so learning to have an honest hearted conversation without really picking out the reasons why you don't think it's a good connection but giving enough of a reason where people might feel satisfied. Like it's not about them but it's about us. You know we're still navigating we're a little bit newer we like to take our time we like to meet other people versus that makes everything about us and not it's got nothing to do with you guys. It's like oh we're we're already meeting some friends here or we're not whatever that might be it's us us us.

SPEAKER_06 39:37

It's got nothing to do with you guys it's got everything to do with us and I think that helps people feel like no problem that's totally cool we get that versus ew don't you dare sorry we're not interested like I totally agree with that yeah I agree with that because there are snobby people out there that would do it that way and not in a respectful manner way without hurting somebody's feelings.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

100% and I think that again learning to circle it back to us or to yourself and why you're not in the right space it's not the right time it's not the right connection for you is always going to be the best way to deflect that situation. So it doesn't make it about ooh well no I'm not into your type that would suck to hear right versus oh no I'm I'm not ready I'm going through a few things I'd like to take my time you know whatever it is always I I I or us us us in in our case because we're a couple uh and that'll always create that space where it's like dude the issue's with them not me I was ready to point them but they didn't want to yep yep any closing thoughts guys as we get ready to wrap I'm gonna call this one 1.0 because I'm sure this one will come back up. I think it would be a great conversation to have with multiple couples on how they've dealt with maybe some of these rejections or rejection I really would like to hear yeah I would too how how everybody else how they do it yeah without being disrespectful or anything like that. Yeah and l lowering people's self-esteem that's the main one like their self-confidence self-esteem yeah we don't want anyone to feel like there might other be might up be other couples or people that are really to you know that energy and so it really always comes down to that like that moment of feeling safe appreciated and want and here's the thing guys if you ever do feel like a couple says it's not the right time for them or an individual says you know I'm not ready or I might not even be interested don't take it personal it this is a very intimate experience for everybody. And so it's got nothing to do with you necessarily and everything to do with their comfort level and everyone's comfort level is important. So just because maybe you got rejected or it wasn't the right time for them or you know it's not the right connection doesn't mean that there isn't a place for you in the lifestyle or even in that community that you're in. There's different energies coming in and out no pun intended of the communities all the time right we have couples always coming in different couples coming in not everybody goes to the same party you've got new energies a million things could happen and so don't feel it as a personal attack still give yourself the opportunity to offer that friendship offer that connection offer that community vibe because it still matters I think we all want to be around the community vibe that doesn't mean we have to sleep with everybody in the room and and that no needs to be 100% okay just like it would be 100% okay for you to have a no for someone it's 100% okay for someone else to have a no for you. So that no should not be a cause to be upset, annoyed or even feel like oh the lifestyle doesn't want me I'm not good enough right has nothing to do with any of those things. So just shake it off brush it off the shoulder and still be your fun vibing community loving self because there's a sexiness that comes along with that. And that too can be sexy and change over the course of time right like you end up finding yourself well at first it was a no maybe but over the course of time I've really seen this person or this couple just bloom that has created you know there's a sex appeal that comes along with that. Part of that is our responsibility and to to continue to bring that sex appeal to the table whether anybody takes us up on that offer or not, you know that's on that's on everybody else. But that doesn't mean we don't continue

SPEAKER_03 44:04

I completely agree with that. Um Yeah. Hello? Hello? Hello? Is anybody?

SPEAKER_00 44:14

Oh all right. So just uh sorry guys, we have a little too much banter going on here. Gabby wants to kill somebody. What? Guys, we hope you've enjoyed this conversation. And again, it's one of those conversations that will never really end. We're always learning, we're always growing, we're always giving ourselves space to kind of transform. And and I think with that comes a lot of opportunities for communication. And so this is one of them. And our closing remarks are be okay with the no's and be okay with giving those no's. As long as you're not intentionally hurting anybody, uh, then it's okay. It's okay to receive the no's as well as it's okay to give your no's. And any closing remarks for you guys?

SPEAKER_06 45:06

Um, just be careful and don't try to hurt each other's feelings. That's the main part.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

Just for me, I definitely want to hear some feedback. Like, definitely the community. What are you guys doing? How are you doing it? We know we're learning as well, so we'd love to hear from that.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

How are you doing it? That's a different topic. It's a different topic. Miss G. Different topic.

SPEAKER_07 45:26

Oh, same thing. I would like to hear what everybody else, like, I would like to hear from other couples and see what they those cancers.

SPEAKER_06 45:33

I I know they're the same thing.

SPEAKER_07 45:36

That was actually one of my questions.

SPEAKER_06 45:39

You know, so yeah, try to credit for your question. Yeah. I was like, no uh, I was like, my wife came up with that idea.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

It's a cancer question. Guys, it's always a pleasure. It's always a pleasure. Uh connecting with you guys, chatting with you guys. Uh, we hope that this brought some food for thought and that maybe you have a conversation with this, with your person, with your spouse, with your partner, and maybe learn a little bit more on what how that rejection feels or doesn't feel. Uh, we always appreciate you guys taking the time to listen. And until next time, don't get pregnant.

SPEAKER_06 46:15

Bye, everybody. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

Bye.