Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner - Episode 8

In Episode 8, we talk about navigating difficult conversations surrounding ethical non-monogamy and why open, honest, communication is essential in any relationship. 

Tough conversations may not be easy, but they can deepen trust, connection, and intimacy between partners. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey guys, and welcome to episode eight, numero ocho, of our Modernly Faithful podcast, which is always a great opportunity to connect with other like-minded couples and learn about their stories and maybe share our point of view from our stories. But of course, here with me in our podcast table, we've got Ms. J.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Hi, everyone. Hola.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

And then we've got um Stevie John and my twinsies.

SPEAKER_05 0:29

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

How is everyone today out there in uh podcastland? We hope that you had a great uh holiday season and that hopefully uh you've attended multiple events, parties. If you have tried going to a swinger event since our podcast, we'd love to hear from you. How did it go? What did you learn? What did you enjoy? What did you not enjoy? Did everything go smoothly? Did you discover something new about your partner? Did you not? Tell them, tell us, tell us, we want to know.

SPEAKER_05 1:08

It's always fun to go and have fun of those kinds of parties. And you can experiment, watch, look, you know, it's it's always a fun time.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Absolutely. Don't definitely don't be a creeper. You know, don't go for the live porn of it all. But but go with integrity in regards to maybe even exploring some of that for yourselves. I think we we definitely always recommend that. Uh, and today's topic of conversation is difficult conversations. Uh learning to have them, why they're important, and how to navigate them. I, you know, I think I heard a comment from Jay Shetty a while back where he stated that if you love someone and they love you back, or at least they've said they love you back, then having a difficult conversation should bring you closer together and not further apart. So think of that for yourselves for a moment and think how many difficult conversations have we had that have made our relationship either closer or more disconnected. Oh, hello? Man is looking at me all crazy. Are you giving him the evil eye? I sure am. That's right, good job. You know, because the reality is that we all have difficult conversations within our marriage at a variety of different times for a variety of different reasons, whether it's vanilla conversations, but then adding the complexity of the lifestyle difficult conversation is a huge other piece, right? It's not one that you can easily just go to a family member or a friend and say, you know, that Stevie John is such a butthole. He's done this and this and this and that. And, you know, it's obviously your family or maybe your friends are typically gonna side with you. And I always say, if they always side with you, they might not really be your friends. You know, you've got to really think about all different sides of the story. So difficult conversations are not only a necessity, but they're also vehicles to help get you closer to a more unified you. And I believe that is the case for any relationship, whether it's friendship relationship, boss to employee relationship, you know, siblings, mother to parent to any tip, any type of relationship, difficult conversations are designed to help bring us closer together and to a more comprehensive or closer synergy with one another. So let's talk a little bit about difficult conversations and why they're important and what in the lifestyle could constitute as a difficult conversation. What would be a difficult conversation? So if we were talking to brand new lifestylers, hey guys, if we were talking to brand new lifestylers and we said, okay, well, sometimes we're gonna have to have difficult conversations. They're gonna be like, like what? What would be one of those difficult conversations? And of course, our imaginations could go wild. Like, wait, is she gonna like something that I don't like? Is he gonna like something that I don't like? Like, what are those difficult conversations? We're gonna go to our expert hose over here. Uh, what are some of the difficult conversations that you think could come up in the lifestyle with your partner, with your husband or your wife?

SPEAKER_05 4:56

I think in the lifestyle, the first one that comes to mind is gonna be jealousy. How do I deal and navigate jealousy, especially like a brand new couple? How am I gonna feel seeing her do this or him do that? And oh, maybe he likes that more when she does that. You know, that's always gonna kind of be in the top in the back of your mind, especially as a new kind of what you mean. Do you have any?

SPEAKER_01 5:22

What he said, guys.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

No, I think it's true. You know, jealousy is one.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Jealousy is definitely one of those difficult conversations. I I happen to believe that jealousy is a difficult conversation oftentimes we have before entering the lifestyle. Uh, because that's the number one, you know, easy to identify. Like, are you sure you want to do this? Like, are you sure this is something you want? There's something about fantasizing and seeing it come to life that is super different. And the reality is that jealousy could show its face in a variety of different ways. And sometimes it's attention-based, sometimes it's physical jealousy, sometimes it's energetic jealousy. Like jealousy has so many different faces. It's not, it's not as black and white, you know. I'm not jealous because I see you doing this with somebody else. Sometimes the jealousy could be like, gosh, you really are enamored with a conversation with this person or that person. Like I've seen that happen to people where their jealousy is not founded on sexual performance, but just the fact that they're glowing and that they're laughing and that they're doing things that are out of the norm. Like, you know, one of the biggest things I hear in the lifestyle from couples is uh she never does that with me, or he never does that with me. And would that be considered a jealousy component? Uh, you know, some people would say, is that out of jealousy, or is it out of this new found element that, like, oh, I didn't know that about you because you've never done that with me. And now I see you doing it to somebody else. And I'm thinking to myself, well, why don't you do that with me? And that's a huge conversation. Is it coming out of jealousy or is it coming out of maybe shock that, you know, you're seeing your partner, your one and only, your better half, the mother of your children, or the father of your kid, you know, doing something that you would have never envisioned them doing, because it just hasn't come to life within your relationship. That's a difficult conversation that needs to be had because if we don't have it, we could misinterpret it as jealousy, and it's not always jealousy. Jealousy, jealousy has way too many different faces, and sometimes jealousy is it's a little bit of a liar because it's easy to say, oh, you're jealous. It's sometimes it has nothing to do with jealousy at all, but really some a lot to do with identification of the person you thought you knew. You know, the list goes on and on.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

I think it all depends too, because let's say if you don't ever voice, like, hey, I want you to do this to me or whatever, right? But let's or let's say like if you've already talked about it and you've done it once and then you don't ever do it again, and then you do it to someone, right? Then I can be like, hey, he never does that to me no more. Like, you know, then it could be a jealousy. But if it's something like, you know, yeah, you've never done that with me, hmm. You know, I don't know if I like that or you know I think it depends, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 8:48

That scenario you brought up, Amanda and I have actually had that exact conversation.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

So Yeah, I don't I don't for me, I don't think it's jealousy. I think it's more like mad, you know, like angry. Like until you all this over again, and then you don't do it, and then so you do it. I don't think it's for me it's not jealousy. I think it's more like I've been asking you and asking you, asking you, and then like you don't do it, you know?

SPEAKER_05 9:12

So a difficult conversation.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

Yeah, difficult conversation.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah, and I think sometimes anger is an interesting conversation too, because anger's coming from a place of discomfort, and anger's coming from a place of uh disconnect, you know, and so ultimately, how did you navigate that conversation? Like it was a difficult conversation, I'm assuming you brought it up. Did you have the difficult conversation? We did.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

We did.

SPEAKER_05 9:43

I and like my explanation was that was like I she because so like I guess the thing we have you have to say it is like she's like, I want you to be more rough with me because you're rough with the women that we have fun with. And I'm like, well, it's more of a lustful act with them, and I have more of a loving act with you. I'm not in love with them, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Well, yeah, I get what you're saying, but I'm not saying like doing it like all the time, like spice it up like once in a while. That's what I'm asking for.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Not not like in the morning and at night, only in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Yeah, or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Can you sign a waiver?

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I can if you want me to. Sometimes she wants it rough, and that's okay. Yeah, right? Nothing wrong with that either. You know, just asking must say like all the time. It's like, you know, spice up below, but like rough in a loving way. Yeah.

unknown 10:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:29

So yeah, we have had that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

How was the process of that conversation? Were were you guys both open to the conversation? Was there hesitation? Was there a willingness to listen to the other side of the story?

SPEAKER_05 10:45

We we're usually pretty good about listening to each other. I mean, I think initially it starts with a little bit of anger and then it moves into a nice little guys.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

Uh we're having this conversation and the amount of faces I'm getting from my twin, she's like, mm-hmm. That eyebrow went so high, I didn't even think she could lift that eyebrow that high. So um tell me again.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Go ahead, babe. What are you saying?

SPEAKER_05 11:22

Before I was so rudely interrupted, I said the conversations start out of anger and kind of move toward like a okay, uh, more understanding. Like it does, you know what I mean? That's that difficult conversation. It starts in anger and then moves toward understanding. Amanda?

SPEAKER_01 11:40

You don't want to want to hear what Webb say about it.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Oh it sounds like it's still a difficult conversation to it, it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

It's it still is because I feel like we're not understanding each other when we do house conversations. Because me, I want to be like, no, because I'm right, and he doesn't know I'm right. So we're not like respecting each other's like feelings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

So we're not because the reality is that in these type of difficult conversations, you're both right. That the reality is you're both right. If, for example, Gabby and I have a difficult conversation about any topic, you're right. Whatever it is that you're feeling about you and what you need and what you want and how you're getting it is true. But same thing is it's true to me as to how I'm receiving it, how I'm giving it, and how what I'm needing, it's also true to me. So part of that difficult conversation is creating a merged version of ourselves, like, okay, I hear you. These are the things that are important to you. And do you hear me as to these are the things that are important to me? Now, how do we make those two create a new culture of this is important to us? And for me, what's important is that you're satisfied at 100%. And ideally, if you have the right partner, is they're also, you know, just as invested in your satisfaction at 100%. So I want to do everything that I can do to make sure you're completely satisfied. And I do believe that you want to do everything that you can do to make sure that I'm completely satisfied. And so part of that culture is really understanding, and maybe sometimes it it causes us to go a little deeper. There's there's something to be said of this idea, you know, we only hurt the ones we love type thing, to where the point we sometimes take people for granted. And and in in part of that grant, taking people for granted element, we failed to understand that they have a specific set of needs and wants and desires that even though we do our best to see them come to life, sometimes we ourselves are the ones neglecting that piece. And so, you know, it's the part of the difficult conversations that help us get to that point. And then once we have them, it's like good for a little bit, and then it goes back to the regular norm of life where it doesn't happen as much anymore. And and we don't want that feeling for ourselves because that's where that's where chips on the shoulder are built, right? Where it's like, hmm, yeah, you did it because we had the conversation and now we're not doing it again, right? And so that's we all fall into that trap. And that's sometimes part of the marriage trap, I guess, is like we become so used to our partners, we become so, we take people for granted. You know, our own people are typically the ones who are gonna get the blow of that. And and it's hard, it's hard to have that because new people brings new energy, there's a new thrill, there's a new excitement. They're like, I may or may not see you ever again. So I'm gonna make the most of this moment. And there it's done and it's said with our people, with our person, it's like, yeah, I'll have you again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. And so we really take our relationships for granted sometimes. So these difficult conversations are designed to help us get back on track and saying, hey, I'm a person and I also like this and I also like that. Can you be that person for me? Can you be the person that brings me that? Or do I have to seek that somewhere else? Now that's a difficult conversation because now you're like, whoa, wait, if what you're looking for, I can't give you, then that's a problem. We need to figure out how to make sure that I can give you those things that make you feel alive, that make you feel fulfilled, that make you feel, you know, maybe sometimes like a slut for the moment. And that's 100% okay, though. That's part of being grown-ups, that's part of relationships. While you can still feel like a slut, you should be able to feel like a slut if that's what you want to do, you know, right here, right now. That's that's not to say you always want to feel like a slut. And if you do, that's fine. We're not judging. Um we're just saying No dudes down here, guys. That sometimes it it is about, oh, in this particular moment, this kind of is my thing. I'm really enjoying this. And and that is a difficult conversation to be had. And then, and also ideally, not be offended by the difficult conversation. What tends to happen is we tend to get protective. Like if Gabby says, Hey, you know, I saw you eating so and so's pussy, but you're not eating mine as much. What's going on? And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I ate yours the other day. You know, so like this defensive mechanism, well, it's because of this, or it's because it's you wanna, you wanna be done in like an hour, you want to be done in this amount of time, you wanna be, you know, you want it to be a rushed, a quickie, you know, a lazy, uh, what I would call lazy side booty, you know, lazy side booty is like there's you don't always lend the time for this full-on experience. So if we're gonna get to it, then let's get to it, right? And the reality is this defensive walk comes up versus me saying, I hear what you're saying, you would like me to eat you out on a daily basis for hours on end. So let me just like for dinner or something like let me just prepare my jaw for the exercise and and then so it's one of those things. So can I can I listen? The the role here is can I listen to a difficult conversation as well or as easy as I can have a difficult conversation? There's two different parts of this is am I am I a good listener of a difficult conversation? Or am I just am I listening to respond, to defend myself, to protect myself, or am I listening to understand what the need is? Uh, because that's two huge pieces. If I'm listening to you because I really want to come from a place of like, okay, I hear you. I want to be all the things to you. I want to be every, I want to be your what's who's the sexy guy that all the women fantasize about?

SPEAKER_05 18:13

Justin Timberlake.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Um Jordan B. Is it Michael? The Jordan B.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Okay. Shiny Tatum. I'm sorry, what's going on? Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Uh please excuse Jordan B. Michael. Please excuse our friends, guys.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

I'm talking about back in the day that people would say, um, oh my god. Clays would. No, what was that guy? Back in the day, Fabio?

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Uh Fabio, the Oh, are you talking about like the the commercial? Yeah. Yeah, his hair is all like him as Fabio.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Yeah, like Fabio, whoever that guy's like. I'll take Channing Tatum word. No more group sharing for you, Stevie John. Now that we know Stevie John's type, I guess I don't have a chance. I'm I don't have the color eyes or the color skin. Nothing McConnell.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Magic Mike. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

So again, if if that's what if that's what my wife needs, and I'm gonna do my best to to become whatever that is, to to bring that fantasy to life. I think that it's important to have them. And it talks about the realness of who we are and as human beings, the the complexity of human beings. Like today, I want to be this, you know, super boring ass dad who's gonna sit on his lazy boy and watch football all day long. And then tomorrow I'm gonna be the guy who's gonna be out there cleaning the yard and yelling at the kids for not helping out and blah, blah, blah. So that's the complexity of humanity. And we're like, okay, well, what is it that you need today from me and how can I help support that for you? So those, I think difficult conversations are are some that require both a giver and a receiver, like in most things in life, right? And and when you're when you're wanting to bring up the difficult conversation, then maybe sometimes it's a good idea to say, hey, I need to have a difficult conversation with you. Uh so can I can I can you can I have you wear your receiver hat? You know, make sure they take a nap first. Yeah. So in some cases, a nap and a full meal. So they're not hangry when they're having this conversation. Absolutely. So how how have we navigated this since then? Wait, most importantly, have you smacked her around since then?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Negative ghost.

SPEAKER_05 20:36

Oh my gosh. It's more of a place of like it's a loving thing. Like, I don't want to beat her up.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

You mean like I'm gonna say beat me up or give me a black eye or not domestic violence sexual thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

It's like from zero to like what the hell?

SPEAKER_00 20:52

Calm down, monster. There's no in between. I mean, it's I think it's important to have that conversation into as a matter of fact, we're probably gonna end this podcast now because they're gonna go try this.

SPEAKER_04 21:10

And I'll come back right to it.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, and you know, maybe I think it's something that um Stevie John needs to explore a little bit more as to why he has such a difficult time, you know, creating that fantasy for Amanda or being that fantasy for Amanda, because that's I think part of the allure. And maybe even once it's lived, you know, it's good for a good six months and then, you know, you can do it again. But you still haven't done it.

SPEAKER_05 21:37

No, I think you're right. It's just like I think there's certain things like for me personally that I draw the line like I don't like food and sex, they don't mix. That's gross. I don't like violence and sex, that doesn't really mix as well. But I do see what you're saying, and I do need to fulfill things.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Does it sound like we're in therapy? You're welcome.

SPEAKER_05 21:56

Modern peaceful therapy.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Right, right. Well, you know, I think that's that's an important note. Although if I'm listening correctly to what Amanda said, she's witnessed you do it to other women. So therefore, how did it play a part there?

SPEAKER_05 22:13

I think it's more of like with her, it's a love thing. With them, it's more of a lust thing. So like I'm like not as, you know, like, oh, you mean I don't know how to say.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

I don't know that I've ever s witnessed Stevie John disrespect women in any way, shape, or no.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Oh no, it no, he's does it's not it's like the roughness that I've got.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Yeah, just more of a masculine approach. Yeah, yeah, because the man is like, if I was gonna fuck another woman, I would. Yeah, like spit in your mouth and face, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Oh my gosh. All right. Hey, you know what?

SPEAKER_05 22:45

Be careful what you wish for. Oh my goodness. Although that could be hot sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

We are going to one another.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Um, no, I don't think I want a loogie my mouth. No.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Okay, nobody said a noogie. Gosh. Oh my god. That sounded meaty.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Oh my god. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

You gave me a wedgey. Sorry, guys. It totally this conversation went the wrong way. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Did a wrong turn there somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

It's so funny because I feel like in our relationship, um, Gabby's and Ice, of course, uh, I tend to be a little bit on the rougher side sometimes. Like, I do like it rough. I like to like choke her and like why can't you have your moment? You know, and like smack her a little bit in the face.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Yeah, and then there's other tensions.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Well, I think they both coincide for me. I think they for me, um, which is very interesting because I'm a little bit the opposite of Johnny. I would only do that to you. I would never do that to anybody else. Isn't that weird? That is weird. Like I would never we were in a thropple once for a while. And so more comfortable. Yeah, like in a thropple, I did do it to the other woman a little bit. Um, but that's again my comfort zone. You're my safety zone. I already know how far I can take it without you ever feeling disrespected or like, oh, dude, chill, you know, we I just met you. So for you, it's like it's the opposite. Like, I only do that to Gabby, actually. And I I I will say that um she's a she's a good sport because I don't think it's her thing at all. She'll play along because she knows it turns me on and I go through that process, but I don't think she oh although sometimes it depends.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

Like sometimes you can go a little too far, and I will say something like um hello, owl.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

She's like, mmm, spit my eye, fart my mouth. Fart in my mouth.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Oh my I didn't I come up with these words.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 24:43

I thought you I thought that's what you wanted.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

What? What? Um no, not like that. Richard, can you teach him?

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Oh my gosh. I need notes. It's so weird though, because I do feel like I have a feeling you and Johnny need to have a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 25:01

I think we need to sleep together. And then I'm gonna rough you up like I like it.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

And then come up with it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

No, but I I do find myself, although I will I will be honest, that didn't happen probably until a little bit later in our relationship. Yes. Like I think as of maybe the last maybe five or so years, where I kind of decided I was like, oh, I kind of like this, like, like I'll pull her hair, and like as she's coming, like I'll yank on her hair a little bit more. She she likes it because she comes harder, but she she'll never probably admit that, but it does happen. Like you just come harder when that happens. And I think the more I experience that, the more I want to do it because it's like, oh, you did like it last time, you're gonna say you didn't, but you did like it. Your vagina told me otherwise, right? And so, and so it's part of that, like, because that's I think our difficult conversations, Gabby's and mine, always comes from a place of like Gabby has a hard time admitting certain things about her, what she likes and how she likes them. She has a difficult time saying the words. And so to me, that's a difficult conversation because I'm like, look, on one side you say nothing, but then I see you do this, and so how do I keep you safe if I don't know which one it's what's what? You say, ooh, I don't like this, but then I turn, you know, I I think that happened like at the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

I think now like I have been voicing out like if there's something happened I don't like, I I do tell you, like, mm-hmm that wasn't my favorite, or no, you know. But I I see at the beginning, yeah, I I had a hard time voicing out.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

So she has a hard time kind of addressing like I did really like that, or I don't I don't like that, or something like that. So I'm like, uh, your body tells me otherwise, or you know my body doesn't know. Her body knows. You know, so so I think that's part of the difficult conversations. And then I know we're probably keep going, but uh the other thing that I wanted to talk about in regards to difficult conversations is the fact that our lifestyle journey ha like everything else in life has the opportunity to grow and to evolve and to change and to modify. And so just because you started in the lifestyle in a a particular interest, say for example, you were looking for a unicorn, in other words, a single female, or you were looking for a bull, you know, a single male, or maybe you were looking for what's the other word for a single male that's not a bull? A dragon. I don't know. I know the bull one. Oh no, they because they're single men. So to me, like to me, what a bull means is just this guy with a big ass dick and who just wants to bone your wife and you don't know anything about Timbuktu or whatever. Uh that you know you don't know his name, you don't know what he does, you you it's not a any type of connection relationship, it's very transactional. But there are a lot of single men in the lifestyle that are not necessarily transactional. They are, you know, for some people are friends with benefits, and you know, you enjoy that dynamic of a threesome with a single male, a couple does. Uh, and to me, that's not a bull at all. To me, a bull is just someone who is there to do the deed and bounce, hit it and quit it. And I don't think that's the case for a lot of the single men in the lifestyle. Uh, that's just a certain fraction of single men that just here, according to them, they're here to do their job and they're out. Uh and her duty. Yeah, that's that that would definitely not ever be our interest uh at all. Uh, but but there are a lot of people in the lifestyle who do enjoy enjoy that very transactional dynamic, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

That's not for me.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Yeah, the the we have though, our ourselves, we haven't participated with a single male before, and we enjoyed that connection. Uh, but it wasn't a transactional connection. It was like more of a friendship thing where it's like, okay, we know you, you know us, blah, blah, blah. How's this gonna go? How's this gonna work? You know, we were very unsure of it at at that time. Uh, but we found that we enjoyed it very much.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

It wasn't something it wasn't my fantasy.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Like fantasy, was it then from the worst?

SPEAKER_02 29:33

It was it wasn't any fantasy.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

It wasn't our fantasy at all. It's just one of those things that kind of was.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

It was kind of like, well, I guess let's try, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

It actually happened from how did it it originally happened from this guy being super cool. We met at a rave, right? And he's like, oh, you know, he was in the lifestyle. We were also in the lifestyle, but we never experienced a single male before. And we're like, uh, you know, we're not interested in single men. I think we were super honest. Oh, well, you guys should come to a party. I I guess they were having a party. And I'm like, no, we don't like to go to parties. We've never been, we just kind of like more of a connection. And at that time, we had already been um taken advantage from Johnny and Amanda. And so that that had already happened. And so uh we briefly had a male experience with Johnny, actually, after at that time. And so when we we remembered that part a little bit, so I was like, oh, that wasn't horrible. Uh and so I remember Gabby having the conversation. Oh, I really did enjoy this like attention that I was getting. And so that was interesting because we had never experienced that before. And then shortly after that, we were invited to this rave. We won to the rave. The guy's like comes out and he's like, hey, you guys want to come to this party? We're having a party on Saturday. So we ended up going to the party on Saturday because ultimately he came out to the rave on that Friday night. He's like, Oh, he made the effort. We'll just go and check out, check out the party. Uh, they comped us for the party. We didn't even have to pay. And so we go, and there was just a bunch of really cool couples, and uh, there were single men, and you know, obviously you're drinking or whatever, but we I guess we got to the point where we felt super comfortable with this guy, super respectful, like nothing crazy weird, nothing like um offensive, always asking for consent every step of the way. Like the whole thing was one thing. Yeah, like the whole thing was super thing was super respectful, and we we thoroughly enjoyed that dynamic.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

We felt like we were nervous at first and yeah, super scared to go, you know. But I don't know, everybody made us feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Also, we had never been to a lifestyle party before. Like that was the very first lifestyle party after we had been taken advantage of um by our now husband and wife, and I got a proof of your eyes that they could have laughed any day. We could have, but we did do a repeat with them, uh, and on that repeat is when my twin got sick and was like in the toilet for a minute, and so then that's when we had our first threesome experience with Stevie John for like two seconds. And then I was like, But then Amanda came.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

I hugged her. I remember hugging her. Yeah, she was playing.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

She I think there was a moment where she was crawling from the bathroom to the bedroom.

SPEAKER_05 32:30

It was creepy, it was a little creepy.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

I think I missed it. Because the lights were off in the bedroom, but the lights were not off in the bathroom, and all we saw was like a shadow. And I must have been super drunk. She she must have, yeah. She threw up everything but her memories. No.

SPEAKER_05 32:49

You drink?

SPEAKER_00 32:50

No. So nonetheless, that was that was a dynamic change, and then that that required a difficult conversation because it's like, wait, what happened? Did we enjoy this? Did we not enjoy it? Why did we enjoy it? Is is our relationship now moving? Are we now moving into this space? Well, the reality is we never moved into that space. That was like our one and only experience, but we we truly enjoyed it and we do talk about it often where it's like, oh, that was super. And of course he reaches out randomly. And I think partly it's us that isn't willing to like let go of the idea, but that we're couples only, we're couples only, we're couples only, right? But the truth is, the more we've navigated this, the more we realize some of our best experiences have been when it's not a couples only, and or when one of the members, like for example, the LA experience that we had where he was like just a watcher or non-existent, that was super fun, you know, and we we enjoyed that dynamic a lot. With the female, yeah, with a female, and so part of the cr the difficult conversations is really understanding, hey, what I liked maybe, you know, six months ago when I started this, in your guys' case 10 years ago. Um, but what what what I started ancient? No, but in the lifestyle you are, you guys are like dinosaurs. Mm. That's a cow. Someone did not pass preschool. Sorry, guys. My husband. Um so so absolutely. I think that you know, for us, maybe the our journey began in the lifestyle in one particular area, but has evolved a little bit. Like, look at us. Now we're now hosting events, and now we participate a lot less because we always make sure that everybody has a great experience. And um, you know, that dynamic has also changed. Yeah. Thoughts?

SPEAKER_05 34:48

Yeah, I I think just circling back to the the difficult conversations, like I think everybody encounters them, like you said, in vanilla, and you're gonna have even more if you in the lifestyle with your person. You mean it's you're gonna have to navigate through it and things change, and you're gonna have to have different conversations for how you evolve and how you change in there. So she's all mine, guys.

SPEAKER_04 35:14

It's all yours.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Sorry, she she started she started chewing on Johnny's chin, and it's a little crusty.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 35:25

If this was on video, people would be like, what in the world is going on over there?

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Oh, our wifey. Nonetheless, guys, uh, we hope that this has brought some insight. We hope that this has given you guys food for thought. Difficult conversations are an essential part of everyday life for any type of relationship. Work relationship, family relationship, friendship relationship, spousal relationship. And, you know, the more the more difficult conversations we have with the right person, the closer it should bring us. If if a difficult conversation is bringing you further apart, then it's time to kind of evaluate some of your relationship standings, right? Uh learn to figure out if if if in fact this person loves you as much as they say that you and you love them just the same, then a difficult conversation should help you find a way to a closer you because they ultimately tell you what they need to tell you. Hey, I need this from you. Hey, I need that from you, or vice versa, right? And so it's like, okay, let me figure out ways to help bring that to life for you because that is my job, my responsibility is to take care of as many of your needs as I possibly can. And if that's one of them, then by all means, I want to make sure that I take care of it for sure. And sometimes it's a respect issue, sometimes it's a sexual need, sometimes it's, you know, a different type of dynamic. But learn to have difficult conversations, but most importantly, learn to understand that a difficult conversation is designed to help you guys get closer, stronger, build a solid foundation. It's not designed to destroy you, it's designed to help you strengthen what you've already began to build. You guys alright? We were just listening to everything you're saying. No, they weren't. They were fighting, they were fighting again.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

No, but to stab him though. Yeah, he's not gonna be here on the next podcast.

SPEAKER_05 37:33

You heard that, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Help. See what I mean? Difficult conversations are always just around the corner. Guys, on that note, thank you so much for being a part of our podcast today. For listening to us, for maybe laughing with us, for maybe thinking about some of those difficult conversations that you haven't had or that you would like to have. We highly encourage you to take a dive. And when you are ready to have that difficult conversation, I would also invite you guys to prepare your partner for it and say, hey, uh, for this conversation, I would like for you to just put on your listening hat and try to listen to me first before we have it. This is nothing against you personally, but this is about something, this is about me and not necessarily about you. What I need, what I would like to see come to life. And the question is, can you do it? Can can you help can you help be that person for me? Or are you not willing to?

SPEAKER_05 38:32

But somebody like you know loves and cares for you, they're gonna they're gonna work with you and they're gonna you mean so like you said, either bring you closer together, or if it's not, it's gonna push you further apart.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

What what my husband just tried to say is that if somebody does love you and care about you, they're gonna choke you. They're gonna smack you around. Oh, yeah, they're gonna smack that ass. Guys help. Again, learn to find compromise, guys. Learn to be a better version of learn to be a better advocate for yourself, and learn to trust that difficult conversations are designed to help make you stronger together. Uh, because that is the intent, that is the reason why we have them, and we hope you have found this podcast uh enlightening, uh funny, um informative and maybe a little intriguing for maybe conversations you should be having for yourself. But until next time, guys, don't get pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Bye. See you guys.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

Bye guys.