The Aftermath: The Conversation That Matters Most -Episode 10

The experience doesn't end when the date or connection is over. 

In this episode of Modernly Faithful, we dive into what happens next—the aftermath. We talk about the conversations couples need to have after connecting with another couple, how to process emotions, celebrate the good moments, navigate unexpected feelings, and continue building trust with your partner.

Warning: This episode is as real and raw as it gets! We don't hold back in our conversations, and this episode came with a little surprise visitor that had us laughing throughout. So don't mind the laughter and unexpected moments—join us for an honest, heartfelt, and fun conversation about what happens after the experience.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of our Modernly Faithful podcast, Real Couples, Real Chemistry. And here with me in the Table Talk, we've got Miss J, of course.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Hello, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Hola, hola. And of course, we've got Stevie John and my twin Z. Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. We hope everyone's been enjoying the podcast so far. And I believe this is episode 10 for us. Is that right?

SPEAKER_04 0:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Yes, episode. This is episode numero yes, episode 10. And today we're gonna be chatting a little bit about uh it almost kind of sounds like a scary movie, but we're gonna talk about the after. Wait, was there a scary movie named that?

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Dun dun dun. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

The after? The after?

SPEAKER_03 0:58

The after it sounds familiar. Sounds pretty creepy. Somebody Google it. Google it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Sounds pretty creepy. The after. The after a connection. The after a rendezvous. The after a first encounter.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Booty call. Uh booty. Booty call. A booty call. Excuse me. We're not those kind of hoes. Oh well, just saying some people might call on the booty.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

What? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

The after. Ultimately, no judgment. If it if it is a booty call, the after that you're having in the after about, it's totally cool. We do not yuck no one's yum.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

Or do we?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Or do we? No, we don't. No, we do not. We do not. Ultimately. For respectful guys. We're absolutely ultimately what we wanted to connect about today was really the conversation that is sometimes necessary, sometimes not necessary. Some people love having these dialogues, other couples do not. I think that's what we're gonna chat about today. I think it's open to every couple's decision, likes, wants, connection. For us, except for Gabby and myself, anyway, it is super important to talk about the after. We talk about what went well, what was a little uncomfortable, if anything, at all. And maybe even like the sexier moments. So not just the uh, you know, minutia of that conversation went well, this conversation will know, but we kind of start dissecting the actual experience. Oh, this was hot. This was, you know, really hot. I really like watching this, or I really like experiencing that. Uh, for us, it could be not just a moment after, but it could be a week after of reliving and re-experiencing uh that same situation or that same moment.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I think that for us it does vary. Like you said, like when we do have a really good experience, it's really hot. What did you like? Oh, when you did that, it was so hot when you guys are hoes. Sometimes. Some we sometimes hose.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

But I think like we'll talk about it, like, man, that was hot. I love when you've seen that. It'll turn us on, and then we'll have Quitus. Oh, wait, do tell us more.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

The big bang theory, you sheldon.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

That's a real word. Tell us more, tell us more. Yeah, tell us more.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

Yeah, tell us, bang.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

But also sometimes we talk about things that we didn't like and that probably wouldn't want to redo or retry, or maybe we didn't enjoy the people as much as we thought we would. Maybe we thought it'd be different. You know, it's it's so many different conversations can come of the after.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Totally. But I will say, out of fairness for the after people, um, not just the after people, but the after people in your story, it really isn't always about the people that you're having the after conversation about. Sometimes it's an internal view of like, hey, was I not in the right space? Did I have a bad experience because I wasn't in the right energy? You know, I wasn't in the welcoming, open, you know, place for us to even be able to go all in, no holes bar. Like sometimes it's us and not, yeah, and not the other people. So it's so funny. I've always talked in my previous life as a counselor, is how important it was to not judge a moment, right? It's like don't judge a moment for what it is right now. Give yourself the opportunity to go back and study where you're coming into this moment and how much of you affected what was happening right now.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

What do you see? I see your face. What's going on? Never be a spider. I swear. No, but it is a bone. Oh, I see it. Oh, that's a grasshopper, guys.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Inside the house. You guys can see what's going on right now.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Johnny, don't move.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Hey, Johnny, catch it. Let me move.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Wait, don't move it! Don't oh my gosh. Anyways.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Oh, and it went somewhere now.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

What the heck?

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Thanks. Thanks, Amanda.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

So wait, if that jumps on you, I think I see it, right? OMG. Get it. Open the door. Ticket outside. Sorry guys. We interrupt this message. I mean, we interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special message. Close your doors at night if you live in Arizona, because um animals get in.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

That's a grasshopper.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yum grasshopper. OMG.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

I love that. Oh well, something's right here. Okay. Forget the grasshopper. Okay, carefully.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Sorry, sorry, sorry. So again, part of this conversation is really learning to recognize that. Oh my god. It's going down. Why are you guys fighting? It's going down. Guys, right now I'm letting you know the story. It's Grasshopper three, uh, Johnny, Amanda, and Gabby zero. Oh. Grasshopper's going in for the kill. Grasshopper is nope, grasshopper has is back in the building. Grasshopper is back in the building, guys. It sounds like you're calling a horse race. It's gone. Yay, guys. Victory. Grasshoppers uh had three, but Johnny and Amanda ultimately prevailed with Gabby at four.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Johnny didn't do anything. He just sat there like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

That's because he gets scared, remember? He doesn't like bugs.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

Oh, yeah. I forgot he's white.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

No. I don't mind bugs. I don't like cockroaches. I don't ask for the roaches.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

We're all safe. Okay, it's all safe. It's it's outdoors where it belongs.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Let's have a moment of peace for the grasshopper.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Wait, he's not dead. Oh. He's out there where he's belongs.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah, well, now he's at peace, not being attacked by three crazy people.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yes. And we're at peace too.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yes. Oh, oh. He's coming back.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

I know, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:47

He's coming back with I think we need to rename this episode. He's coming back with friends. Guys, serious talk. Okay. So back. Okay, let's let's rewind. Okay, so back to this conversation about the after. So ultimately, what is important is really learning to recognize that sometimes we are not in the right headspace for some of these encounters. Either we had a bad day, or there's something on our mind, or somebody upset us, or maybe even our spouse did something earlier and now we're there and irritated at each other a little bit, but we're pretending not to be because we already bought tickets to this damn thing. And so now, how do we, how are now we're bringing what energy are we bringing into this situation? So there's definitely a word for caution that it could probably be a whole episode on just who we are when we come in through that door. But the reality is that when we are having this conversation about the after, is we should take a moment to acknowledge who we were coming into this situation.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Um I'm sorry. No, I no, 100% agree because if, like you said, if you come in with like a bad attitude or negative negativity, it's not gonna work very well. Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

And it's got nothing to do with the potential partners, right?

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Because sometimes, like I know some people, sometimes they'll they'll come pissy at each other, and you're like, what's going on? And they're like, nothing.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Uh yeah, nothing.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Read the room, yeah. Like, maybe it's best not to go if there's something already.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Totally. I definitely don't want to go with that, like again.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I totally think that could be a whole different topic of conversation for another podcast. But in in this particular conversation, as we focus on more the after, is let's kind of dive deep into why is it so important to have the after? Uh, and again, and why is it important for some people to not have the after too? Because not every after needs an after. For example, Johnny and Amanda out hoen, then they don't need an after if it's a booty call. They have booty calls all the time. 24-7, actually, if I remember, they have one night stands all the time. They actually appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Is not true. Wait, didn't you say you there's you do like the one night stands? We have rarely had OS's. Oh, we're speaking in code.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

No, we really do.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

But you like them?

SPEAKER_03 10:30

Um, yeah, once in a while.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Yo's.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Yeah. Nothing wrong at all.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Yeah, and then you have the after. Like, did we enjoy that? Was that fun?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Yeah, like should we like talk to them? Should we communicate with them?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Like, were they boring? Should we not talk to them? Oh my. We we we dive in. Are we French all of a sudden? We, we, we, we.

SPEAKER_04 10:54

We, we. We we we we do.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

We talk actually, it's so funny because we really do like dissect things afterward and be like, I like this, you like that, this turned you on, you like this. Like, we really do like have a spreadsheet.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Oh, can you pill can you pull up our file? It's on my XL. Because all I know is we didn't get taken to canes. Um, we're best friends and spouses. How many years later?

SPEAKER_01 11:22

So obviously you guys is something, right?

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Hey, the I brought Cookie Crumble the Light.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

You did bring cookie crumble the cookie crumble, crumble cookie crumble crumble, thank you for that sweet ass.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah. So you welcome.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

No, but I think we're also the same way, and we really dissect every single situation where people's hands were, where people's tongues were, where, you know, also like sight making out all the things. We we definitely love to dive deep. I probably dive deeper than Gabby does. She kind of it takes her a minute to see has a background as a therapist. Yeah. Uh, but the reality is I do love to learn more about like, so tell me about this. Did you like this? What did you like about this? Was it different? Was it different than this experience? Was it the uh different than the other experience? What did you like about her? What did you like about him? Let's compare them to this experience.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

And then when I give my answers, it's like, yeah, but then you keep dissecting.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, because you'll probably throw me off and says, like, it was good. Yeah. I'm like, hello? That doesn't sound good.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

I'm the same way with Gabby. I'm like, yeah, that's all good.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

But being married to her, annoying her, like, I know in the moment when she's having a good time, because she turns into director Amanda. And action. All right, you're gonna lick her there, you're gonna touch this, you're gonna move your hand here, you're gonna go over here.

SPEAKER_03 12:52

That is true.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

I know when you go, when you go Quentin Tarantino, we're good.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

But so this is an important conversation because it sounds like because I I have I'm finding myself listening to you having those same conversations with Gabby. Like, I know you, and I know when you're having a great time, and I know when you're not having a great time, and the it was good does not match what I witnessed you having. So did I miss something here? And so we've had this conversation, we've had this deep conversation where it's like, look, I sometimes feel like you're trying to make it super uneventful because maybe you think it's gonna make me feel weird that you enjoyed it as much as I witnessed you enjoy it. And if that's the case, I want us to get away from that. Like, I don't want you to make me feel something, you know, specific about you, like, oh, you know, you're always gonna be better than this situation or that. I don't have those kinds of issues. But I think, and obviously we've had this conversation and extent. She's like, no, it really is not about that. It was just, it was good. And I suppose part of that has to do with physical and emotional connection. Because when we talk about the male experience and the female experience, a female experience oftentimes tends to be can be a little bit more emotional than physical, versus a male's oftentimes is a little bit more physical than emotional. Yes or no?

SPEAKER_03 14:31

No, that's true because I was when we when I first started, I was the same way. Like I didn't know how like how to act. Like I don't want him to feel bad. So I was like, So you did do it because you didn't want him to feel bad. No, it's just that you let me know I was having a good time. I didn't want to like hurt his feelings. So we're like, oh, how was it? I said when that first time wrong. No, when I was first getting into it. This is what's first getting into it.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

She said, it's okay. That's not what you were saying when you were a Peruvian pencil.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Right, but all of a sudden, but also you don't want to like hurt like your partner's like feelings, you know, it's like, oh yeah, he was amazing, and then make him feel like, oh, well, I'm like great, you know, when you first get in a license. That's that's how I was thinking.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

I I could see that perspective for sure.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Totally. And I think I can see that perspective. I think sometimes it's hard for Gabby to see that perspective, but for me, I don't, you know, it's one of those things we've always had this conversation, like, it's really hard to hide something from me. You know, like I kind of know and I kind of get a feeling. I said, but I really don't have those kind of issues. I want you to experience all the amazing things. And I and I I synced it. I synced you turn into a pretzel.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

We all seen it.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

We all synced it.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Well seen it. Remember, in our bed. Remember, you remember.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

We can't forget. We can't forget.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

But most importantly, I think I mean I've seen other things. Oh. I know I missed it. You missed it.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

But the reality is like, and you know, I try not to, I hate the word try by the way. Um, I really work on not forcing uh Gabby to agree with like uh this is what I'm getting from you. This is the feeling that I'm getting. I don't want her to have to agree that she's trying to make it less exciting than I actually witnessed it be for the sake of protecting me. Uh, but if and ultimately if that's how she feels, and I want to accept that for truth as well, too, because I think that's important. It's like, okay, well, if you keep telling me that's not the reason, then I'm gonna believe it. It's just I still have questions about the pretzel.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

We all do. I even have questions. I'm like, really? I don't I don't recall, but like the one it was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

So impressive. So impressive.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

I missed it.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

That's why I know. I mean, it's hard for me to believe because I'm not that flexible, guys. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Well, you were that were.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

You were, but ultimately anyway, this is not about Gabby here. This is about the aftermath, not me.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

First of all, aftermath sounds like a war zone. The after, the after. That's why it feels like a like a horror movie. Horror movie, because it's called the aftermath.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

But no, ultimately, yeah, I think it's important to have those conversations. It's important to understand, I've at least for me as an individual. If I if I remove my mental health hat, which is very complicated for me to do my dad. But if I remove my mental health hat and I'm not looking to seek understanding for the purpose of growth, and I take what your response is for face value, then the aftermath is still very much important because it helps me learn how to create safe spaces for you and me. And I think that's why the after is so important because it allows us the opportunity to understand what each one of us likes, enjoys, wants, and what euphoria it creates for us down the road. Like we can have an after conversation about an experience that keeps us going for weeks, actually. It's like, oh, that was so hot. And then the sexual energy, you know, enhances times 10 when it's already super high. And now we're like super crazy about reliving this experience in our minds. I think that's what's so exciting about the lifestyle at times, is that you get to uh ignite something inside of you that you didn't even know you had actually, and or needed, because there wasn't a need for it, but all of a sudden you're kind of craving that excitement.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

That too, and like evaluating your the partners you were with, I think like that's kind of cool. Like we could be friends with them, they were super cool, it was a good time with them, or oof, that was weird, maybe not, you know. We we do that too.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah, what you said.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

We just we we agree. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah, we totally agree. And you know, I also think as we continue to navigate the after, sometimes it's important to, you know, especially if you've been in a relationship for a very long time. Yeah, we've we meet some people in the lifestyle who are brand new to their relationship. So how are they gonna help navigate the after when they're the the after is probably the beginning for them in so many different ways, right? It's like they barely know each other, let alone want to dissect other people's experience with them. So I think that's important to understand as well is that not everybody's committed to the after as much as they're committed to the experience in itself. Like, can I just have all the current experiences? I want to experience her, him, them, that, over and over before they even get to the part where the after actually really matters. In our case, Gabby and myself being married for 31 years, the after is such a huge part of our experience, right? It allows us to uh continue to trust one another, connect with one another, rely on one another, and also learn from one another. I think that's super important.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Yep, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

I once heard a couple talk about uh what is what did they call it? They called it something. What was it? It was the re um zinking? No, it's the it's almost like a take back.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Oh, reclaiming. Reclaiming, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Um so we I've heard of the reclaiming. It sounds a little weird to me. Uh it sounds very possessive by nature, in you know, from again, going back to the mental health perspective, is like, ooh, if I say, hey, after this experience that we had with other people, now I need to reclaim you. Sounds crazy to me. Like from a mental health perspective, I'm like, those are no-no words. Those are no no words. There's no belonging, uh, there's no sense of taking away, you know. And so to me, that's a scary place to be. But I'm open to learning, I'm open to understanding more about why other people think reclaiming is an essential part of their relationship. And does it actually make it stronger? Does it, if if at any moment I felt in a swap situation, That something was being taken away from me, then I probably wouldn't feel safe in that situation. So for me to have to reclaim something sounds pretty wild.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

But that's a dynamic that may work for some people. Totally. Because like we still learn things from our members, 100%. People like in the community. Like it's it's interesting to hear all these different experiences, perspective, and how they're so different. You know, everybody has a different experience and a different way they handle things, you know. So it's we love to hear that and learn more, and it's fun.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Totally. And I'd love to learn if the reclaiming is a bipartisan situation where the female is reclaim reclaiming the male and vice versa, the male reclaiming the female, or is it more gender-specific? Only the male reclaims the female back, or how does this work? I I I don't know enough about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Yeah, very, very, very much so. I think again, attempting to not remove my mental health hat, but from a mental health perspective, I have questions. What what what do we feel needs to be reclaimed? Uh if ultimately, I think, especially for us, when we go into a situation, we always go to the to into that situation as one. You know, we are two people, but we're still going in as we're experiencing something together. Totally. Absolutely. And um, you know, but I also think that for us, you know, we made it a thing to always play together. We never play separate. Right. So that may be part of the dynamic. Is the people who need reclaiming, are they playing potentially separately?

SPEAKER_04 23:50

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Is that not the case? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

I I think the in the terms that I've heard it in, it's always been like a cuck situation, maybe, or like a Wait, actually? That's how I've heard it. Is like it got like the girl goes with the guy and then when it comes back, the guy reclaims her. That's the context I've heard it in. Ooh, it's getting real spicy.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

I've never heard of this before. So this is all new to me. Hi, Amanda. Welcome to the podcast. Welcome to I am so tired. It is like nine, almost 9 30, and I'm still tired.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

You won't wake up.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

9 30 in the morning, she means.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Um time for mimosas.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

I like mimosas.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

I love mimosas. Me too. It's funny because I don't, I'm not a champagne person or a pressaco person, but mimosas, I can do one.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

I could do multiple mimosas.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

I like the idea of mimosas. I'm just not a big champagne person. But I do love Bloody Mary juice.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

You like cranberry juice with a splash of champagne?

SPEAKER_00 24:51

A splash of champagne. So, anyway, what other scenarios do you think are important about the after? Does it help? And has there ever been a situation where the after has gone terribly wrong? Where the after now has you guys in a little bit of a quarrel or even a disagreement.

unknown 25:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Ooh, tell us, tell us, tell us.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I I think that we always learn if it was a bad experience, that we do like, okay, well, we're not doing that again, we're not doing this again, you know?

SPEAKER_03 25:26

I think you have to have a couple of bad experiences to learn like what you like and what you don't like.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

It does put things into per into perspective. I know, but how is that getting you guys into a disagreement of the after?

SPEAKER_03 25:42

So it's just really depends. It just really depends like on the the couple if they're not co cooperative. Cooperative. Yeah, cooperative. Yes. Well, anyways, if they're not cooperative.

SPEAKER_04 25:59

Oh that was kind of sexy actually.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

It can it can definitely cause like me and Johnny to like argue sometimes. It can.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Can you elaborate on what that means?

SPEAKER_03 26:13

So what that means is like if I'm not enjoying myself and I'm like looking at you, and then you're enjoying yourself, and yeah, and I'm not having a good time. So it so now it's a bad situation and we gotta talk about it, you know, and then it's gonna cause us to argue. And it's like, no, I don't want to see that couple again because I'm getting you like the single, like, oh you need to stop, and you're just enjoying stuff, you just leave me hanging. So we're not talking to that person no more.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

And there you have it.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

But is that more of an after or is that more of a during like during and after because once it gets done, then we talk about it after.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, like at the moment, it's like you just wait.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Yeah, anxiety just wait.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

And then afterwards, like then you talk hello. I was giving you the signal and you were not paying attention.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Well, I hope you know that's the last night you're gonna bust.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

It's so funny because you were talking earlier, like, hey, like I like to see Gabby have a good time, even if like I'm not having the greatest time, like see her enjoy herself. Like, I kind of feel that too. Like, I'm like, I want Amanda enjoy herself, have a good time. But if she's not having a good time and I am oh no one's having Lord. It's weird. It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

It's it's that weird pie season. She's evil. Uh I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_04 27:34

Oh what?

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Nothing. Hello? No, that's not true because I love seeing Gabby just have a great time. As a matter of fact, it's funny that we say that because I I I really struggled in the lifestyle at the beginning, especially, uh, because I don't know. I feel like I'm more of an emotional, I need an emotional connection before I can get engaged in any time of type of play with anyone. Gabby, on the other hand, is not that way as at all.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

I'm not that way.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Yeah. So Gabby's not that way I won't.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

But okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah. So for me, it was a little complicated. And I was like, I really need to know, you know, all the ins and outs, like, who are you? What are you about? What are you into? Things like that, in order for me to feel to that place. If not, I am perfectly okay just, you know, letting Gabby experience what she wants to experience. Those are not things that I need for me on my end necessarily. Uh, but I have had some really cool experiences once I've gone to that place of like, okay, you're cool. I'm cool with you, blah, blah, blah. That's the way it is.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

But, you know, it's at least I think it feels like a safety thing for you. Like, you need to know that everyone's like safe and having a good time.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

100%. I am way too much on like, I'm gonna say it.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

You're in your head too much.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

I'm way too much in daddy duty that I cannot sometimes just be reckless. To me, that's where it comes from. But when you can let go, it's maybe when I can let go.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

Which is very rare.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Very rare, for sure. But when I can let go and I feel safe within my space with the people that are around me, then yeah, it's it's totally cool. But when I'm in my daddy role, it's kind of hard to Yeah, totally I totally see that. Totally.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

Like daddy daycare.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Like definitely daddy daycare. That's what it feels like all the time. I'm over here just la la la la. And then here's Johnny la la la la la la.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

And I'm like, oi, vey.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

I don't know, it's different because uh lately if like if I see or I feel that you're not enjoying something, then it kind of kills my mood too, you know. Like, so it's like I don't know, it's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

So the after thing kind of shapes how you move next.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Totally. And it has, it has significantly. I think it's it's modified our approach to situations. You know, we we host quite a few events, and so now we've kind of I've I've learned that in most of our events, you know, we don't always get the opportunity to experience or play as much because again, I'm too much in my daddy role, right? And so it's like, okay, well, my responsibility is to our community and to make sure they have a great time. And so I've I enjoy that role and I accept that role and and I take it wholeheartedly. Uh other people uh might not feel that way, but I think for me it's super important. And so when we do get to play, I think it's oftentimes because we're super familiar with the people that are already there. We don't have anybody that feels like, oh, maybe they might not be comfortable or something like that. I'm I'm pretty confident that the people that are there are all good people getting already comfortable with each other. And so I don't feel that sense of responsibility as much. But I do think that the after is super important for us in that sense because I've learned a lot about Gabby over the course of the last four plus years in the lifestyle. And I think she's also learned a lot about me in regards to what works when it when it works and why it works for me. Because there has been situations where she's be like the that didn't take anything.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

Like, you don't, we don't even know if she we don't even know we didn't have a very close connection, like all the zooms you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

But I was like, yeah, but we zinked.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

You zinc, you zinc. When you zink, you zinc.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

And so it was like Yeah, but I was very surprised. But now I know. So after we talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

But I a couple of things happened in that situation. It wasn't a party we were hosting. One, it wasn't a party we were hosting. We were at a party, and and again, my sense of responsibility is not the same there, right? Because I'm not the one hosting, I'm not the one in charge, I'm not the one taking care of anybody. Uh and so and the other one you zinked. And then we zink. And there's nothing wrong with the zinc moment. Actually, both sync mo zink moments, we were not hosting the party. So, yeah, if we're not hosting the party, then that's like I don't have game on. Yeah, totally. It wasn't, it's not the same, you know, it's not the same.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Well, and it also depends on the person.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

True.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

It wasn't just that. We zynced. You zinced.

SPEAKER_04 32:51

We zinc. Yes, I'm still here.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Benadryl's made me fall asleep even more.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I don't know. Not the Benadryl. She needs uh upper. Yes, it's like a boost. A boost, she needs a boost chat.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

And it's also topic. That's a story for another time. Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

So to circle back, uh we we highly encourage you to to navigate the after. It's sometimes it's organic, sometimes it's supernatural, you know, especially if it's been your first experience and you're like, well, how was it? How did you it looked like you enjoyed it? Did you enjoy it? Yes, I enjoyed it. Do you enjoy it? I think the one, the the few things that I would caution you guys about is to not overanalyze the response of your partner immediately, right? It's like there's a lot happening to somebody, especially if it's your first time engaging in that swap. It's like there's a variety of different emotions that are going down personally. What did I just do? What did I just witness? Is this okay? Is this not okay? Do we look each other at each other the same? You know, like there's a million things that could happen, especially for your first time. Give yourself the opportunity to figure that out first. What I would invite you to have an after with yourself first and foremost and say, hey, what did I like about this? What turned me on? What made me uncomfortable? Figure that out first. And then learn to have the conversation with each other. Because if you're if you ask without asking yourself first, there could be a possibility that you get an answer that you're not ready to receive. And then what do you do? Right? It's like, oh, now you're upset at her, now you're upset at him. Learn to be patient with each other, learn to be kind to one another, learn to give each other the space you need to figure out what you're feeling first before you start diving into this dialogue of what were you feeling? Wait, you felt that? Didn't look like you were feeling that. Like this, learn to not judge each other so easily because chances are you don't even know. You don't even know yet what you're feeling. Maybe you liked it and now you're scared, or maybe you didn't like seeing your partner with somebody else and now you're jealous, or maybe um you thought that your partner was looking at you funny while you were doing this and now you're worried about what they think. Like, yeah, there's so many different things here that could be unpacked. So just learn to be patient with yourself. Learn to be patient with your partner too. And you know, maybe the conversation that needs to be had is like, okay, well, we have lots to talk about, but for now, let's just kind of sit with this experience and give ourselves a moment to understand it. Like, it's cool. I feel okay. Do you feel okay? You know, yes, no, maybe. It's like I'm not sure. Maybe the answer to that is I'm not sure yet. I was like, okay, that's good. Let's give ourselves a little bit of space and then let's come back tomorrow and say, okay, well, we enjoyed this or we enjoyed that. If it's anything like Gabby's in Ives first experience, chances are you're gonna go home and have lots of crazy sex afterwards because it was a little bit of a turn on and you don't even know why. Like, I'm not sure why, but we're having lots of sex right now. And that's okay, you know, but still, there's still a lot to unpack and there's still a lot to process here.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

That and every experience is unique. So when you do unpack that after, it could be totally different than the first time, the third time, the fifth time. This experience could be totally different. So it is important to have that conversation. Totally.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Yeah, especially if you're like you're new, you're getting into the lifestyle. It's very important to have uh the after talk. Yeah, to see where you guys are at.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Communication is key. So always, always, you know, communicate and yeah, think about the experience you had.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

But even if you're not new, like even if you're not new, every experience is different. It's a new experience. And we are constantly changing and evolving and growing. And so, you know, you might notice something a little different in your partners. Like, oh, you you're not like you used to be, or now you're all about it, or you know, we it those type of things are important to recognize and understand as well. Because, like, for example, our husband, Stevie John, we know that's me, when he's out on the hunt, we know.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

We know.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

I'm like a jaguar. We all know.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

We all know, and it's like, and sometimes that can cause us to argue.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Yeah, and we also know that. And so it's like, okay, how do we prevent them? How do we help them navigate not having an argument? Because we already see where this is going. Stevie John is in hunter mode, he's out looking. Can somebody can somebody play jungle music for me right now? Yeah, yeah. He's out on the hunt, and we see him gazing at that gazelle. Like jaw, like dude. And he's seeing gazelle. You said shark. Yeah, you went shark. Oh no, the shark sounds, shark music. Yeah, and then there's a man out going like, oh no. Here he goes, he's doing it again. He's doing it, he's chasing that pussy, and that tells you that pussy. Yeah. So it's like, oh no. And then I look at Gabby, he's like, oh no. Here have this is happening. How do we help them? And we also know, like, sometimes when our Stevie John it all his hunts are back to the jungle music. All his hunts are failing. Like he keeps throwing the sword or the what are they, the bow and arrow.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

The arrow.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

He keeps throwing the arrows, and Amanda's not following. So he's like now annoyed because he's like, hello, remember, we're chasing. So it's like if he gets pissy, oh Lord.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

It's like I'm the Jaguar, and she's like the guy in the Jeep behind me, like chasing me. She's the guy with the backpack. Yeah, like I mean, where we go, turn left. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

Anyways, guys. Um, but you get to know yourself and you get to know your experience a little bit more, and ultimately learn to have those conversations and also learn to understand when that change is happening with your person. When that change happens with your person, it's important to learn to change with them. And the after is one of those things that will continue to evolve and grow as you continue to experience you guys good.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Oh my gosh. Oh, you missed it.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Oh no, I seen it.

SPEAKER_02 40:13

I wish we would be able to do these podcasts with the video camera so you guys can see what is going on.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

We need a camera.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

We do. We're gonna start a no camera, because if I kill him, it'll be wasteless. So no, so no cameras.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

She ain't signing shit. You guys heard it here first. Guys, we we hope you've enjoyed this conversation. And as always, these conversations are open-ended, right? They don't end. They we continue to have them. The topic is never uh a black and white situation, it's always opportunities to learn and grow and experience. And so the after can look so different for absolutely everybody out there navigating ethical non-monogamy. Uh, the important part is to give yourself permission to have it and give yourself permission to grow from it because that's what the after is for, is to help us learn from each other and learn from ourselves what works, what doesn't work, what we like, what we don't like, and what we like and what we don't like might change in a few days, in a few months, in a few years. So again, always give yourself permission to grow and navigate. Any closing thoughts for you guys?

SPEAKER_01 41:30

No, just like I think it all boils down to that knowing your partner, communication and and just have the communication and have that after talk.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Exactly. Agreed. Just always have that communication and and talk about your experience, what happened, what you like, what you didn't like, always communicate.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

Yeah, and and it's always okay to continue to not be okay with something until you get it sorted out. Like don't feel like you always have to be okay with everything that goes on. That is not the case at all. Right. That's why the after is so important because it gives you the opportunity to learn from one another and grow with one another. Guys, thanks for joining us. We hope you enjoyed our banter and our killing of innocent creatures. He lived. Oh, he lived. Yeah, he lived outside.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

He just went outside where he belongs. Oh, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Freedom. Guys, have an amazing time navigating the lifestyle. Until next time, don't get pregnant.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

Bye. Bye, everybody.