Leaving Home: Our First Big-City Adventures

What does it feel like to leave the place where you grew up and start over somewhere completely different?

In this episode, we look back on our first experiences living in big cities after growing up in small towns. We talk about the excitement, the surprises, the challenges, and the lessons we learned along the way.

Misha shares the intimidating experiences she had in her first month in Montreal and a few tales from her time living in the Lao capital of Vientiane.

Larissa talks about life in Doha, Qatar, including what it was like driving there and why she always felt much safer than many people expected.

Along the way, we discuss culture shock, feeling out of your comfort zone, becoming more independent, and what it's like to go from being a "big fish in a small pond" to just another person in a much bigger world.

If you're learning English, this episode is full of natural conversation, useful vocabulary, and authentic Canadian English. Whether you've moved across the world or are simply curious about life in other places, we hope you'll enjoy listening.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

One day I did war wear a very small purse on like a very thin strap and a motorcyclist came by and ripped it right off my body. But only had a dirty Kleenex. Uh take that thief and my front gate key, which he didn't use, so lesson learned. Hello, Eepers.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Welcome to another episode of Extra English Podcast with Misha and Larissa. We are two Canadian English teachers talking about life in Canada, our lives, and anything else that might interest us. And hopefully we'll interest you too. So join us for another conversation.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Today we're going to talk about what it was like to be country small town kids in the big city as adults. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

It was a shock. It was a shock. Absolutely. So first let me say it's not like we had never been to a city before. No, of course, of course. When you live in a small town, you don't have a shopping mall. You don't have a lot of restaurants. You don't have a lot of entertainment. You want to see a movie, you drive to the city. You know, like we we had experienced cities. Right. But living there is a different story. Totally different.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

And living, I first lived in a big city the first time I lived away from my parents, which on its own is a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yes. And I think that might be fairly common because a lot of a lot of kids who grow up in a small town, also we don't have universities and colleges in small towns. So they have to go. If they're going to study, they have to go elsewhere. And that's yeah, first time away from home and a whole new world. Yeah. A whole new world.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Classic Disney song. So uh as we mentioned in a previous episode, we both grew up in quite small towns. Uh, and when I turned 19, a week after I turned 19, I moved from my very small Ontario town to Montreal, which is a very large for Canada. Yep. Yes. Very large, bilingual, predominantly French city. Yes. And I moved downtown into an apartment on my own.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Holy cow.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yeah, it was huge. And I was, I don't remember feeling super nervous. I think I was a little nervous. My mom was very nervous. You should have been more nervous. I probably should have been. It got I got more nervous. My original plan was first of all, I have an aunt and uncle who live there. Okay. So I wasn't gonna be, but they're live very downtown. No, very different part of the city. But at least there was family I could go for family dinner, and I had someone to call. Yep. Um, but also a friend of mine from high school was going to a different university, but we were going to move into the same apartment building. And she actually went up a couple of days before me and with her parents, and they were moving in, and then we got there.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

And I I felt good about that because at least there was someone I knew in the building. We could go through it together. So we arrive and I and I find her or call her, I don't remember, and she's like, I'm leaving. What? Like the day I get there, she's she's come, she's seen it, she doesn't like it. She's she's going back home. Like she didn't go to university there. She Yeah, I don't really to be honest, we weren't super close. So I don't know what happened for her next. But for me, I thought, okay, I have this little comfort bubble and then pop. Yep. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Oh Misha.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

It was scary. Yes. I think it was really hard for my parents to leave me. They stayed a couple, my mom stayed a couple days. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Trauma for everybody. But also so fun. Because when you come from a small town, like Montreal has so much going on. Yeah. And also I was studying art, which also in a small town, there's no art. Yeah. So it was exciting.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Did you find, speaking of art, because you're coming from a small town, um, as an artist, you were probably a big fish in a small pond.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

So what I mean is, how do I explain a big fish in a small pond? It means there's not a lot of competition.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah. So if you're a little bit good at something, you might be the best because there's very few people who you're competing with. Yeah. Versus the other half of that expression is we say you're a small fish in a big pond.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Because now you're at university studying art with artists, like the big fishes from all the small ponds. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

And also you feel a little, I think when you're a young adult who's come from a really rural lifestyle and you move into an urban area, meaning from the country to the city, you kind of feel a little bit not worldly, not cool, not as knowledgeable about some things. So there definitely was that. I definitely felt a little bit like I'm a bit behind. Definitely small fish in a big pond at that point. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Yeah. And it do you think it's true that the people from the city or from the country or the small town are a bit behind, or that's a perception?

SPEAKER_01 5:23

I I will tell you, I think my experience was that I think I from my personal experience, kids who grow up in a small town can grow up a little slower. Meaning like they don't they're more sheltered? Yeah, maybe they don't grow up as quick, which is a good thing. I'm not saying that's a negative. That's probably why a lot of people move to the small town to raise their children. Yes, I think so. You're a little more sheltered. Right. Like I had never gone to a club, obviously. Whereas, and I mean, I was moving to Quebec, so also in Ontario, the legal age to drink, to go to many clubs, things like that is 19. And in Quebec it's 18. Yeah. So also a lot of the people there had already been doing that kind of stuff. If they were my age for a full year already. Yeah. So I think in a lot of ways, I just felt and I didn't feel really bad about it. Because I also I liked my upbringing, and I think it has a certain coolness to it also. Could could be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Um well, really, and if you appreciate or if you if you love something about yourself, then it you bring a coolness to it. That's right. Or with it.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Yes. And even if people are a little critical, it water off your a duck's back.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Water off a duck's back. We're full of idioms today.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

I was gonna say water off your back, and I'm like, no, I don't have a particularly waterproof. This expression is because a duck's feathers, if you put water on, it just rolls right off. So water off a duck's back. It didn't affect me.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Yeah, you just let it go.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

What about you? You moved to a out of your small town into a larger well. First I moved to an even smaller town, didn't you? So we'll just skip over that bit. You were the the big, big fish in that tiny pond.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Um, but then I moved to a medium-sized city, I would say. Yeah. Um, and even that was an adjustment. Yeah. Like driving on highways instead of totally. I mean, and I had done it when I left the the town for things, but like my on my commute to work every day, there was like I had to go on a highway.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

That was never the case when I was young.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

No, the traffic is much different.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Traffic, yeah. It was yeah, and having more options, more things to do. And I think maybe the perception of a city as being unsafe was something that I I had believed. I don't know. Like there's more crime in a big city. Yeah, because there's more people.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Because there's more people.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

A small town can also be unsafe.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

But I was, yeah, I was like watching over my shoulder. I had this real like you talk about being a little bit sheltered or growing up more slowly. I I kind of felt like I was still a child, even as an adult, in this in this world that I wasn't quite prepared for. And it was only a medium-sized city.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Probably good stepping stone. Maybe it was good for me. But listen, I'm I'm this makes me chuckle a bit because I had this experience in my first month that really affirmed that idea for me that a big city is more dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

I don't think I like this story already.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I wasn't in danger. Okay. Just to clarify. Okay. But I I'd been there a couple weeks. I'd made a friend, so we walked to school together. Okay. So her and I, she picked me up at my building and we step out on the sidewalk. And the building next to me, the apartment building next to my apartment building, is all taped off with police tape. And there are news crews, like cameras, reporters. Oh, that's not good. No. So I ask, I've only been there a few weeks. I ask one of the police officers what happened here. Yeah. And she said to me, and I remember exactly, she said, there's been a murder.

unknown 9:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

And if you want to know more, watch the news. So I'm thinking everything they say about the city is true. I've been here two weeks. Someone next door to me got murdered.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Wow. Yes. Shocked. Okay, maybe she's trained to speak that way. Like maybe that's how police talk. Very good. But it sounded, yeah, it's I would have heard it too as like, what?

SPEAKER_01 9:36

I mean, if you listen to our other episode, the small town police knew my name. She didn't, didn't care. She probably had been asked already many times, I would assume. And I'm sure legally was not able to give me more information.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah, like maybe that's what they're meant to say.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

There was a murder.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Watch the news.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

I know. Terrifying, right? So I get there, my friend leaves already because she's scared. Yeah. And then a couple weeks later, someone's murdered right next to me. And you stuck it out. I stuck it out. Good, good for you, young Misha.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

You are so brave.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I think I might have, I don't remember, but I think I might have gone to stay with my aunt and uncle for a night or two. And I found out later it was a um drug dealing related murder, which just I wasn't part of that world, so it did make me feel a little less in danger.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Yeah, it wasn't a random act. It was yeah, calculated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

But as a as a small town kid, you do hear that the cities are dangerous. And I thought, it's true.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

All that stuff on TV, which I just pr wanted to pretend was only on TV. No, it's real. Okay, so okay, before we move on to anything else, what did your parents say? How did they not get in a car and come and pick you up? I mean, did I tell them? Did they not know? Did they not hear it on the news?

SPEAKER_01 10:56

I don't think they would have heard Montreal. Okay. Because it wasn't like an international a national case. And we didn't have uh social media. We didn't have social media. And I, to be honest, sometimes would hold information I knew would stress them out. Yes. I probably told them later.

unknown 11:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

It was like it was a month ago. You know, at a point where I could say, see, it's not dangerous. Because I don't think that would have gone over well. No. Yeah, I don't remember. Anyway. It was it was a memorable first few weeks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Wow. So when I finally moved to an actual big city, our capital city, it was in uh Doha, Qatar. And I didn't feel unsafe there. Oh no. Interesting. Yeah. Oh. Well, I felt unsafe because it was too hot and I thought I was going to die from heat.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Canadians aren't built for that kind of weather, the desert weather.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

But I didn't feel unsafe because of crime or anything like that. Which was surprisingly like wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

That's nice. Would you have felt safe like walking as a woman alone?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

During the day, absolutely. Yes, during the day. Yeah. And I I wouldn't have anywhere to go as a woman alone at night. Yeah. And I and I think just out of habit, in any country, I would walk with somebody else at night if I could. Um, so I don't think that was necessarily there, but no, I felt very safe. But the transition for me was the driving the traffic.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Is it is it quite crowded there? I don't know much about it. It's a small country. It also has a small population. Go ahead. Um fitting. But what's interesting about the traffic, in my opinion, is that people have come from all over. So you have the locals who learn to drive one way. Uh-huh. And you have the expatriates from different parts of the world who all learn to drive in their style. Yes. And you put them on the same roads and you give them roundabouts. And not every country has roundabouts. No, we Canada does now, but we didn't then. That was my first exposure to a roundabout. And like some people drive aggressively, and that's that's how they're trained to. Like that's how you need to be in your home country to be safe. Yes. And we're taught to drive defensively. Yes. And that's how we need to be in our country to be safe. And so putting us together, that really, really stressed me out. And I only drove on Fridays.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

I get it. Because people were going to the mosque and the roads were quieter. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

That was the only time I would drive.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

We have an expression of Sunday driver. Yeah. I was a Friday driver. Yeah. Interesting. Well, good for you for finding the time to do it that you felt comfortable. Did it get easier? Because you were there many years.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Um, it it did. I I never, I never liked it. And actually, I think like the roads got busier because as you mentioned before, they were preparing for some major international competition and there was a lot of construction all the time. And and so no, I never I never got used to it. I never liked it. Yeah. The the traffic, the driving. And I think part of that is also because really in my heart, I'm a small town girl. Do you think so? I think so. I do love the convenience of a city. Yeah. I love that there's everything that I want. I love that I can take the bus places. I love that my kids can take the bus. I don't have to drive them everywhere. Like there's there's lots of great things here, but I don't know. Three or four lane road, you don't need that where you're living.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

I mean, you know I don't like to drive on an empty giant field.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

You're a Sunday driver.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

I'm a no-day driver. But I agree with you. But do you think now, would you ever choose to move back to a small town? Because we don't live in a small town. Would you choose that?

SPEAKER_00 14:57

So recently I was driving with just my son, and we were going through the countryside, and and there were like clusters of houses. So it wasn't just farms. Yeah. And he said, I think it might be nice to live out here, which shocked me. I has only ever lived in a city. Yeah. And he doesn't want anything to do with farms or farm work. Yeah. But my gut reaction was, yeah, that would be nice.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Yeah, interesting. Yeah. Well, there's still time.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

There's still time. Also, I really do love the city. The small city.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

We we have a little bit the best of both worlds here, in that we live in a relatively small city. It's still friendly. The traffic isn't crazy. No.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

No.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

But you have some of those amenities and conveniences.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

We have a half an hour every day when you might drive a little more slowly.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah. That's it. It's not so bad. I don't drive on the highway because ew. And I can get around just fine without it. So it's it's small enough. Yeah. Do you know I also lived in a capital city in a small-ish country, Lao. Overseas, Lao. So I lived in Vientiane, which is also um a big city. I mean, it's a capital city, but the traffic is very different. But it's interesting, I felt safer on those roads on a bicycle than I do here. Interesting. I had ridden my bike for a long time here. Wow. In our medium-sized city before I moved there. Yeah. But because even though it's it's a little bit like you described, or to me it read a little more chaotic. You know, I find people a little less predictable. There were certainly more people on the roads. Uh, however, they're used to vehicles of all different sizes and speeds. Okay. Right? Some people drive cars, but it's actually not what the average person. The average person there would drive a scooter or a motorbike. Yeah. So people are used to vehicles of my size, my bicycle. Yes. And lots of people do use bicycles, not the same way they do here. Here it's more of a lifestyle choice. And I think there it was more of a financial uh necessity. But for that reason, I felt on my bike like people were watching for me and used to me. Whereas here on my bike, we don't live in a place where a lot of people bike. No. So I find I feel like car drivers often get stressed out by me. Yes. Or don't see me. Yeah. Both of which make me in danger.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

So it was interesting that the roads there were busier, more to me, chaotic, but felt safer.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

That is so interesting. Yeah. I love when a stereotype is turned on its head. Yeah. Right? Like Or what you'd expect. Yeah. Yeah. When I lived in Qatar, people would say, Oh, do you feel safe there? When I was in the meantime, yes. Yeah. I feel safer here than I do at home. Yeah. And it shocked people. Yeah, I did. But how's the biking? Oh, it's great. Yeah, better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Oh, I love it. That is interesting. I also felt very well, I felt quite safe in VNTN, except you, in order to feel safe, you had to not wear a bag outside. Because people would thieves related to the drug trade would cut your bag off you. But uh there wasn't a lot of violent attacks other than that. They were just trying to get your bag. So I I someone told me early, luckily, never to like bike around with my bag on me. I always put it in my bike basket under my giant rain jacket, because it's a tropical place, under my bike chain. So they'd have to work pretty hard. One day I did war wear a very small purse on like a very thin strap, and a motorcyclist came by and ripped it right off my body. But only had a dirty Kleenex. Uh take that thief and my front gate key, which he didn't use. So lesson learned.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Well, thank you for putting your dirty Kleenex back in your purse and not just tossing it on the road.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Also, I knew I there wasn't anything valuable in there because I knew that wasn't a super safe way to carry anything.

unknown 18:59

Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

You know, Larissa and I are sharing stories of when we moved overseas. Both of us have been fortunate to have those cross-cultural experiences. But I would say small town life to big city life, even within the same country, is a bit of a culture shift.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

It is. Yeah, definitely. In some ways, like small town country life seems idyllic.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Yeah, I think it has its pluses and minuses. Yeah. But a lot of people definitely see it that way, is that's I've I've heard actually sometimes a few times in my classes, my students have talked about how downtown is not a good place to raise a kid. And I live right downtown in our current medium-sized city. Yeah. And I think it's a great place, actually. Yeah, but it would depend on the city. It would depend on the city and maybe on your circumstances. Like what one thing I feel great about is that my son, who is Indian, he has brown skin, he will go to a school where there are many other people who look like him. Yeah. Which is great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

And that wouldn't have been the case. Not just like him, but look like all sorts of people. Yes. There'll be a lot of diversity.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

There'll be a ton of diversity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah. That is really nice. And some cities, like ours, does have do have um like pockets of neighborhoods in the downtown.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

So it doesn't feel like you're living like in a business center.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Like there's there are houses and trees and parks, even though you're downtown.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

This is maybe the the benefit of the medium-sized city.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

I think maybe, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Yeah. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

I do remember visiting though as a young person, um, pretend grandparents. So they were not related to us, but we adopted them somehow. Uh they lived in Toronto. Uh-huh. And we went to visit them in Toronto, and I I think I was like sleeping on the way there or just zoned out. Who knows what I was doing? But we arrived and got out of the car, and I didn't believe we were at the right place because it just felt like I was in a neighborhood. Oh, and you didn't expect that. I expected it to be Toronto. Yeah. Like whatever that was in my head, it was it was gray and tall. Yes. Concrete. But like they had grass and this little house, and the whole street was houses with big trees. It was, you know, I I didn't expect it. So I think maybe even within a city, there are multiple experiences. Absolutely. And that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah. It's not just all crime and concrete. No. Um I just thought I should say, oh. Ibers, this makes me think if you live in Canada or plan to come here one day, you should pay attention to Larissa's pronunciation of Ontario's capital city because it has two T's, but nobody here says it that way. She actually, you did I did it both ways, didn't I? You did say it both ways, but you pronounced the second T only for great emphasis.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Well, I did it because I remembered I was speaking to people who might not know. She was translating it for you. So Toronto. Yeah. Toronto is is the I guess clear, official, proper, if you will, pronunciation.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

I mean it's not the pronunciation. It's not. No. No.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

It's the spelling.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yeah. How would you say it? I would say Toronto. Toronto. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

And if you're being really casual, you'll say Trana.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Yeah. I went to Toronto on the weekend. That's right. So if you're speaking to a Canadian, impress them with your pronunciation of Toronto. Just thought it's worth mentioning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

That's an extra tidbit from Misha.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Misha's fun facts. Also, I mean, while we're on the topic, I said Montreal when speaking about the city I live in. Montreal said like an English speaker. Montreal, very English. Uh my French accent is not the best, but it would sound more like Montreal. It's the better, the more accurate pronunciation. But m many people in English speaking parts of Canada would say Montreal.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

So I have students who speak French as their first language, and they have asked me, should I say Montreal or Montreal?

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

And my answer is, well, if you want to be correct, you'll say Montreal. Yeah. That's right. But if you want to be understood by an English speaker, you'll say Montreal.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah. I mean an English speaker would understand either way. They would. But the the common way in this part of Canada. Yeah. Anyway, little notes for your future trip to Canada or current life here.

unknown 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

You know, we always love to hear from you. We'd like to know where you live now. Is it a big city? And do you like it? What do you like about your city? What is it that makes city life great? Or maybe not so great. Both welcome.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yes. To let us know, you can find us on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

And you can always come to our website, which you can find in the description.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Talk to you soon.