Kerri Tracy on Children's Mental Health and Parent Coaching

In this insightful interview, Kerri Tracy, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Lantern Lane Farm, shares her extensive experience in Children's mental health, trauma, and family support. She discusses common parental concerns, signs children need help, and how outdoor therapy with horses can foster confidence and healing.

Key Topics:

• Children's mental health and trauma
• Signs children need support
• Outdoor therapy and horses for healing

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Carrie Tracy and Lantern Lane Farm

01:22 Carrie's Background and Role at Lantern Lane Farm

04:12 Common Parental Concerns and What to Know

06:50 Children's Common Struggles Today: Anxiety and Trauma

09:45 The Importance of Family Systems in Child Therapy

10:43 Unique Environment of Lantern Lane Farm and Horses

12:05 Using Horses to Build Confidence and Skills

13:41 Signs Children May Need Support Without Saying It

14:57 Misconceptions About Children's Therapy

17:51 Simple Ways Parents Can Connect Better with Kids

20:13 Encouragement for Overwhelmed Caregivers

21:53 First Steps to Get Support at Lantern Lane Farm

Resources & Links:

Lantern Lane Farm was founded in the early 2000s by Ralph and Joni Cook, after their own family experienced the life-changing power of counseling. They envisioned a place where therapy didn’t feel clinical or intimidating, but instead peaceful, safe, and connected to nature.

The name “Lantern Lane” was chosen as a symbol of guidance and safety—echoing the lanterns of the Underground Railroad that once lit the way to freedom. Just as those lanterns offered hope in the darkness, Lantern Lane Farm exists to shine a light for those searching for healing and restoration.

Lantern Lane Farm Counseling Center - https://lanternlanefarm.org/

Guest Information:

Kerri is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has a Master’s of Social Work degree from Loma Linda University, California. She has been working with children and families for 15 years, with specialty experience in the areas of multidisciplinary early childhood intervention related to dysregulation/tantrums, attachment, trauma, autism and specialized parenting. She has experience supporting varying diagnoses including Autism Spectrum Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Kerri’s passion is providing caregivers with strategies to improve their interactions with young children (ages 0-7). She is committed to looking at the whole picture of the family and the child. This includes seeing every possible area of their life as a strength to build upon

Website - www.lanternlanefarm.org

Sponsor for this episode:

This episode is brought to you by Lantern Lane Farm Counseling

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, welcome to the Lantern Lane Farm Podcast. I am so excited to have you here today. We have Carrie Tracy, who is a licensed clinical social worker at Lantern Lane Farm. And I just want to say I am so grateful, Carrie, for the work that you do. And I knew the very first time we met that you were you were going to be a great fit for Lantern Lane Farm. And we have benefited from your work so much. We're just so grateful. Thank you. You remember that first day?

SPEAKER_01 0:34

I do. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Can you tell me what what you remember?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I remember giving you my resume and letting you know that I thought I was kind of a big deal. And you said, I think I'm going to pray about it. And I said, Excuse me. And then I said, Approximately how much of my time do I have to go outside? Because I've never worked on a farm before.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

I remember that. And I believe the best I remember you were wearing high heels and ready for an interview.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Yeah. Yes, a suit. Yes. Did not realize where I was going. Yeah. Well. Because I'd only been in Tennessee about eight months. Yeah. I think, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Well, so tell us a little bit about your background and also what you do at Lantern Lane Farm.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Now I am the director of children and adolescent and family services. So I oversee and liaison between community and courts and partnerships and clients that are coming in to find the best fit for children and adolescent and family services that are coming in to access any type of service or support that we need. So it's a blessing to be able to do that. And so the past 10 years I've been at Lantern Lane is the first time I've been in private practice since I finished my master's in '99. So I've done mental health my whole life, been a social worker for in the school systems, and then juvenile probation, treating female addicts and their children, and then serving families in San Bernardino County in Southern California with children that were working with the drug-endangered task force and children that were in foster care and affected by gang violence and trauma and neglect and sexual abuse, uh trafficking, all kinds of things. So very um intense work, but I had the just blessing and benefit of being exposed to and offered so many trainings working there. So it was really a blessing and became licensed in 2006 and oversaw a program when autism was emerging and got a lot of training with that working with the multidisciplinary staff with occupational therapy, speech therapy, and mental health. So it really I just didn't know how much the Lord was preparing me for the the private practice I would do here in Middle Tennessee. So yeah, it's been a a cool journey and the Lord knew I needed a break from intense trauma. Maybe I did for a long time. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah, we Lantern Lane Farm gets to be the benefactor of all that experience and those trainings. So again, we're just grateful.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

So I've got some questions for you. Yeah. So tell me when a parent brings their child to Lantern Lane Farm, what are they usually most worried about? And what do you want them to know right away? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

I was thinking about this question, and it really is, is my kid going to be okay? You know, I think that's the big, the big question all the time. And that's what I want to tell families and caregivers, and um, and you know, we don't just treat biological parents, we treat um children of all different types of caregivers. And grandparents raising grandkids, great aunts and uncles, people in their 60s, 70s, 80s that are raising children, but also foster parents and regular typical families that are doing parent coaching. So really, is my child gonna be okay? And um and am I gonna be a good parent? I feel like that's really, or can I be a good parent is really important for them and letting them know that everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, is really um across the board through all the things we treat. I would say that's the the biggest thing.

unknown 5:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

And those grandparents definitely need to hear that over and over. I would think. Yeah, they need to be reminded.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Right, right. I'm thinking about good enough parenting too. I think that's been a big idea that we don't have to meet what we see online or what's recommended in a book or what someone else is doing, but what is good enough to make a child feel safe and stable and connected. Yeah. You know, I see a lot of little tiny preschoolers calling people in their 60s and 70s mom and dad. And I just love it that the kid shifts from a great auntie or grandma or meme or to this is my mom. And they love to when their attachment shifts.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

I love that. And I think you helping them know that comparison is not the best idea. They can't compare themselves to other families, maybe that they see on social media or or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Right. And the value they bring to that. Yeah. And the value that the children can feel from that, and that really we all need a stable place where we feel accepted and attachment and just warm uh emotions up with each other and just feeling accepted and loved.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

So from your perspective, what are some of the most common struggles that children are facing today?

SPEAKER_01 6:50

We know from statistics that in America anxiety is very, very prevalent. And almost the I would say scourge right now or the current pandemic of America and almost worldwide is anxiety. And so we know that it trickles down from adults to kids, and we know now most children, even preschoolers, know this word anxious and anxiety. That was never something even 20 years ago, people knew, kids knew as a word. They might say nervous, they might say scared, but this word anxious. So, really, I would say typical families, typical children that I would say have not had major trauma, but are going to school every day, experiencing life, we get a lot of children who are anxious. And that really equipping parents to support their children in that, but and also coaching parents with how they could possibly change their environment, their routine, and parenting to the child's personality. And then out from that, it would be from families and children who experienced it could be major trauma from abuse, and possibly like these children we were talking about, being removed from their biological families, their caregivers, and put into homes with other people, foster parents or other family members, or things like that. Those are different levels of trauma that we would be addressing that families are sent to us by the courts or as a case plan, something like that, or but a lot of the times by the aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, you know, that are putting the children in their home. They come to Lantern Lane or they know about Lantern Lane and they're seeking services. So definitely trauma and some trauma education. We do, I do attachment-based, trauma-informed live play therapy coaching with families, um, caregiver, and children in the room to really drive up attachment and improve cooperative play skills, age-appropriate play skills, and modeling that for parents. So that's pretty common.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah. So I'm a systems thinker. Yeah. And I and I believe you are too. I love seeing you, you're working with the children, but I'm seeing you with the parents and the grandparents or aunts or uncles or whoever or whoever's raising these children. Um, you're with them probably equally because we know that we can make corrections with that that child and help that child, but if the system is unhealthy, we still have some problems that we have to deal with. So I love I love what you do with the families and I know they they appreciate you as well.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Well, that's so important because I can see, and I tell people this all the time, I can see your child an hour a week, but you're with them a million hours. And so if I can change their perspective on behavior from this is a need, the child's expressing to you, rather than this is naughty bad behavior, and drive up their compassion, that can shift everything day to day in the house.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Well, so you'd never worked on a farm before?

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Absolutely not. No.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

So you did know what a horse was, though.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

I did. I can't identify farm animals. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

So what makes the environment at Lantern Lane Farm, especially with the farm and the horses, different and special for kids?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, I um have sons, and so we have always been and and sons that enjoy being outdoors, and so have always valued being outside and sports. So I did go outside, even though I wasn't on a farm, and so always thinking that's important, but never really had the opportunity to do that in my practice. So coming to a place, and I guess that really allows you to. Oh yeah, um do sequencing of opening the gate, closing the gate, why is it important? So really utilizing every facet of it in reaching the treatment goals, yeah. And even modeling this for parents is so important because they can be doing this daily and praising the child along the way and coaching them.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Oh, you're using your listening ears, good job, using your walking feet. So, how can we model that in the day-to-day for families in their life, and then also practicing it? And probably the biggest thing I feel like the animals do is drive up confidence and let the children feel, oh, well, I was so scared of bugs, but now I'm a farm girl and I can open the gate and close the gate. And mom, I'm the I'm the gate girl, and I'm the farm girl. And children who've never maybe felt valued, or they don't feel they're maybe not good in school, or they get a lot of in trouble a lot, and they're the kid who really doesn't feel a lot of success. We're able to create an environment where they are killing it at something, like, oh, there she is, she's the farm girl, and like, yep, and it may be such a small thing for us to allow the child to do that, but for them, it's like, oh yeah, this is the thing that finally I'm good at something. Yeah, that it's they've had a lot of unsuccess.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Yeah, so they're brave, courageous, they can do hard things.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Totally. Yeah, that's amazing. Frustration tolerance and all the things that they never thought they were because they were anxious or in trouble or naughty or yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

So we could do a whole podcast on this next question. Yeah, but maybe you can just briefly share. Um what are some signs that uh children may be exhibiting that says they need support or help? Yeah, even though they're not saying it. Well, what would you say to parents?

SPEAKER_01 13:41

I think the biggest thing is a change in their functioning, in their day-to-day functioning. Things that they used to be able to do that they really can't do anymore. Melting down, just getting dressed in the morning. I can't pick what I want to wear. I don't know, you know, making choices, um overt things would be excessive crying, I can't stop crying, or going back in developmental levels, potty training, um, overeating, undereating, oversleeping, undersleeping, bed wetting, and most common would probably be what we would see as bad behavior.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Grumpiness, irritability, that adults are able to say, I'm having a bad day, Ralph, please don't come in my office. Instead, that's going to be seen as rude, disrespectful, defiant behavior. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

And I often say this, even with adults, but the problem's not the problem often. So good. So what are some common misconceptions about children's therapy? We've heard, we've heard them. What are what are some that you've you've experienced from people?

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Yeah, probably the biggest one would be um they're too young, that children they're gonna be fine. They don't they don't need therapy, they won't remember this. Um, or that it has to be a big, huge problem to get any support, you know, and even parent coaching can help someone in the tiniest way. And I would say I've spoken to several sets of typical parents lately, middle class, good parents who kids are in school, stable, you know, not outstanding, you know, pillars of parenting, but just regular people who say once they come in to even do an intake and discuss what behavior could mean or look like, or just understanding the personality of your child, and they feel like things get better when often it's their perception of the child, if that makes sense. Like, oh, the kid just needs a little bit more support. And we all need that, right? I mean, you and I, you know, we go places or go to a conference, or it's like, oh, hey, what do you need? Oh, I need to sit on the end of the aisle because I don't like being trapped in the middle, or I don't, we don't talk to kids about this. Oh, I want to stop and get something to eat before we go because I may not like their food, or something like that. We navigate that as adults, but for kids, oftentimes we we don't ask them. You know, we don't, they aren't able to say, hey, I need I need a protein break, or I need to get some water, or I need a little bit more sleep, or something like that. And this has revolutionized parents' lives. I mean, helped parents to have less meltdowns, less frustration with kids, but really have a different paradigm and lens to look through, like, okay, he's not being a bad kid, he may just need some cheese, you know, have some protein, and this has changed things. So I feel like that's a valuable thing I can do to help families really be able to have more understanding about difficult or negative behaviors and to parent to their child's personality. Yeah, you know, and then you know, also equipping in trauma and tragedy situations that we're able to do that. But just day-to-day people, it's really important to access.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I see several podcasts coming. Okay, because here's another one we could do. But so, what are two to three simple things that parents can do to start better connecting with their children? You could go all day on this. Yeah. Two or three.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

So I mean you're saying that to better connect. So really better connection is mostly what kids need. A very common term is oh, they just want attention. So, okay. If you give them a little bit of attention, and really a lot of it is approval. For me to just go like, Ralph, you're doing a good job. You know, even this is nerve-wracking to do something like a podcast. If someone just says you're doing a good job, okay, I'm gonna do a little bit better.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

So really noticing, I think would be the thing, being more present in yourself as a parent to calm down and notice what your kid needs instead of just attribute trying to manage bad behaviors. I think that's the biggest thing that has been helpful for parents is to have a can is to make connections a little bit during the day, because that really can fill a kid's bucket enough to keep them regulated. And then I think the other thing, which this sounds so crazy, but uh thinking about this is if something is a command and you are telling a child to do something, don't ask them to do it. Don't say, Are you ready to go? If it's time to go, say we're leaving in five minutes, please get your jacket, or please go to the door. Because I probably coach this three times a day, every day. And you we just don't realize it because as adults, I would say, Hey Ralph, are you ready to go? Right. You know I mean I'm ready to go and we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

But kids will say, No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Right. If we're giving them a choice, yeah, especially if you have a personality that's like, yeah, no, I'm not ready to go. And then you say, Well, we're going. Well, you just asked me if I'm ready to go, and I wasn't ready to go, and then that can turn into a 30-minute leaving instead of a three-minute leaving. So those are kind of the couple things when I saw that question, I was like, it sounds crazy, but that's a big we often ask kids.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

So for families, parents, yeah, grandparents, aunts, uncles who are raising kids and they're feeling overwhelmed and they just they just don't know where to start. Maybe some, and you probably see some of these people, they just feel paralyzed. What do you have to say to them? What word of encouragement do you have?

SPEAKER_01 20:12

It's gonna be okay. Like, think about looking back on your childhood and just like somebody telling you, I'm glad you're here. It you don't have to make it so hard. Like, it's okay. It's okay. You're doing good enough, and it's gonna be okay. You know, that it's really um and you and I are both parents, so we know like in the moment, you're like, oh my gosh, like I mean, for me it was like, I know I've done a terrible job, I've I've messed up, uh it's gonna be terrible. And then looking back, the things my kids remember are so different than what I was worried about. So if we are able to see kind of the big picture and and to like tell them that we're sorry when we're when we mess up and yell at them and lose it, and like yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

We're demonstrating healthy life skills.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

That's right, yeah. And then this is hard. I'm having a hard day.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

And this is hard. I didn't know you were gonna come and live with me and that we were gonna be doing this, and I was gonna be ha having leg surgery and having you live in my house is a situation I'm dealing with right now. And you know, I'm sorry I can't run outside, but not taking that on as the worst thing in the world. But because the kids, this is just their life, you know, and this is their day-to-day, and you love them and they're helping you, and it's cool, and everything's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, that's that's amazing. So, how can someone take the first step if they want to get help or support for their child at Lantern Lane Farm? What's the what's the first step?

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Well, the first step is to call Kylie, yeah. But then um often I talk to people on the phone and then we Do an intake and really determine what the next steps are. And because I have had a lot of experience and I'm able to utilize a lot of different interventions, modalities, whatever you like to call them, I'm flexible on meeting the parent or the caregiver where they're at. So and usually it's what is the biggest thing rising right now.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

It could be related to sleep or eating or peeing or not attending school or being a lot of times is being kicked out of a program. So let's we're gonna get the fire out, and then how can we work on what needs to happen? And it's not I don't have any magic things to tell you that this is the way it happens every single time. You know, it isn't like setting a bone that this is the practice. It's really, hey, in your family, what's gonna work today?

SPEAKER_02 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

And strategizing with families. I would say I say this all the time. Let me strategize with you on what would be best for you today. Because if you are in your 60s raising preschoolers and you just had knee surgery, that's gonna look way different than a 31-year-old mom, stay-at-home mom raising a preschooler, you know. So it's really what is your situation and how can I come alongside you and strategize together on making you feel more comfortable and making you feel more effective and your kids feel more at ease.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yeah. So if they need, if they want to get support for their child or for themselves, calling Lantern Lane Farm, and that number will be in the program notes or looking us up on the website, Carrie. You're an amazing therapist, and I'm so grateful for you. We also have several others who specialize in working with children. We have a registered play therapist, we have people who do art, and we then we go into the adolescent area, we'll see therapists outside at our disc golf course, and or they're playing basketball. But I think what I really want parents to hear is that reaching out for help is not a weakness. Yeah, it's actually a strength, and it's a a demonstration really of pushing through fear, which is what we're asking their children to do. We're asking them to do the same thing as pushing through that anxiety of reaching out for help. It's really okay. So thank you so much for coming and sharing. And you're welcome. I know we'll be back together and talk some more about some of these other things. So thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

It's a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Thank you for being here.