Healing Through Trauma Work: Alyssa Hinesley

In this episode, Ralph Cook sits down with therapist Alyssa Hinesley to explore trauma, healing, and the unique environment of Lantern Lane Farm. They discuss how trauma manifests, the importance of safety in recovery, and the transformative potential of trauma intensives in a farm setting.

Resources & Links:
Lantern Lane Farm was founded in the early 2000s by Ralph and Joni Cook, after their own family experienced the life-changing power of counseling. They envisioned a place where therapy didn’t feel clinical or intimidating, but instead peaceful, safe, and connected to nature.

The name “Lantern Lane” was chosen as a symbol of guidance and safety—echoing the lanterns of the Underground Railroad that once lit the way to freedom. Just as those lanterns offered hope in the darkness, Lantern Lane Farm exists to shine a light for those searching for healing and restoration.

Lantern Lane Farm Counseling Center - https://lanternlanefarm.org/

Guest Information:

Alyssa earned her Master of Arts in Professional Counseling from Liberty University and has been practicing for over a decade. She is also an approved clinical supervisor.
Alyssa specializes in codependency and works with women and couples to establish healthy boundaries and cultivate balanced, life-giving relationship dynamics. She also has experience supporting blended families and guiding clients through the complexities of co-parenting.

She works extensively with women, helping them find healing and restoration in areas such as grief, narcissistic abuse recovery, divorce, life transitions, and codependency recovery. Alyssa is passionate about empowering women to rediscover their voice, rebuild their confidence, and create healthier patterns in their relationships.

Most days, Alyssa is accompanied by her Goldendoodle, Bella, who serves as an emotional support animal (ESA) during sessions, offering comfort and calm to clients who appreciate the presence of a therapy dog.

Alyssa and her husband are parents to five children. Outside of the counseling office, she enjoys working out with her husband, drinking coffee, and spending time with her family. She often says, “Counseling is my calling, fitness is my hobby, and Biblical literacy is my passion.”

Website - www.lanternlanefarm.org

Sponsor for this episode:

This episode is brought to you by Lantern Lane Farm Counseling 

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode of The Lantern Lane Podcast, please email at info@lanternlanefarm.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well welcome to the Lantern Lane Podcast. Today we have a really special guest with us, Alisa Hinesley. Alisa, I'm so grateful to have you as a therapist at Lantern Lane Farm. Grateful to have you as a friend and a colleague. And thank you for coming today. I know it's hard to get everybody out the door and get to a podcast recording early in the morning. But so thank you for we made it.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

You made it coffee's got me here.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

There you go. That's great. So tell us a little bit about you.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Who's Elisa?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Yeah. I'm I'm originally from South Texas, but I grew up in Sumner County. So middle Tennessee, I feel, is is home. Um been in Lebanon since 2009 and uh counseling since 2014, 2014, and with the farm for cumulatively over a decade, about a decade. Right. Had some babies in between and you know, little in-betweens there. But um, my husband and I have five kids, so we basically run the rat race of sport to sport to whatever else is going on. And I love coffee, working out. Um, those are probably the only two extracurriculars I have time to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

But I'm sure, I'm sure. Well, well, so one of the things that when I think about you, Elisa, um I've had the privilege to really watch you from the beginning of your career. And you have done amazing work and just watching you grow as a therapist, but you came into this, and I've told you this before, you came into this with just natural skills and abilities that are so helpful for you as a therapist. But yeah, but being able to watch you grow and see where you are today, it's just amazing. And people who get to sit with you and you be their therapist, it's a it's a real gift to them. So again, thank you for your wonderful work.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yeah, well, it's been a gift and a blessing for me to be mentored by you and get to do it from the beginning, from the time I was in school to an intern to from from then on. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Well, so what you said you've been at Lantern Lane Farm for a long time, and that's right. So what what drew you and what what keeps you and I do have other things that you do, but what what keeps you at Lantern Lane Farm?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

You know, really the vision and the mission of the farm, uh, I really you know this, I really felt called to the ministry, and there was that pool, and God just kept pulling me back towards counseling. And um, throughout my college career, that part was a journey. But uh as I finished that and was stepping into that world, um, I love, you know, at the farm, we always say we meet people where they are, and that aligns so much with my heart for people and the call to to help people. And so that's been a huge part in the culture of the farm. You know, it truly is a family. And if that's the culture with the staff, that's the culture with work, you know, it trickles down. And so, um, there are a lot of things, you know. We also have horses and donkeys. So, you know, with I could go on and on, but I think definitely the alignment with the mission and the vision of meeting people where they are and what stems from that.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I will have to say I'm a little disappointed with you today because you have a co-therapist that works with you quite often. I do. And you did not bring her with you. And I was thinking maybe you would. Can you talk about your your co-therapist?

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Yeah, yeah. So, Bella, my golden doodle, she who is 10 now and finally has low enough energy to be more of a true emotional support animal for clients. Um, she really became that my proxy during COVID, you know, as I counseled people remotely and initially while we were shut down, people would come to my house and I had a perfect 50-minute loop in my neighborhood and we'd walk and you know, it it just kind of evolved from there. And people are like, We love the dog. So, and then I when I was moving and my house was being showed, I brought her to the farm and everybody's like, Can you keep bringing her? So she just she became one, but well, she definitely is a favorite. I think clients sometimes just would assume I leave the room and spend their time with her.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Yes. Well, she's beautiful and we love we love Bella. Yes. Next time, next time bring up. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

She goes into your office immediately when I walk into the farm every time looking for you. She's like, Where's the guy who gives me treats? Treats and love.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yes, yes. I love that. Love Bella. Well, so today we're going to talk about trauma, and we're also we're also going to talk about the trauma intensives that we offer. Okay. So we've had a couple other therapists who have who have leaned into trauma and told us a little bit, but I want to hear, I want to get your perspective. So you do that deep trauma work with individuals. So how would you describe trauma in a way that people outside counseling can really understand? Yeah. What is what is trauma?

SPEAKER_01 5:44

You know, in in a really simple in simple terms, it is something that leaves a deep imprint and continues to affect someone in a negative way. You know, I mean, someone can leave a lasting effect in a positive way, and we wouldn't call that trauma, but there's just a deep imprint within and a body bodily response that still connects to it, reacts to it. Yeah. Can't let go of it.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah. Well, and so you what are some of those ways that trauma shows up in everyday life that maybe people wouldn't even recognize?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

You know, probably one of the things that most of us could identify someone carrying um just across the board is that busyness, staying distracted, have to stay ahead of it, can't sit still, always working, just go, go, go. And maybe if it's not actual work, they've got a project or a goal or you know, a marathon. It's just constant uh momentum. Uh that is a classic, it looks good, you know, it looks functional. So it's easy to bypass unless you're really close to that person, then you might notice it. Um so they can hide from it because they think it's good. Um, you know, another one that people might not notice or realize is the people pleasing and perfectionism. That is, it's it also seems kind and nice. And, you know, I mean, oh, they're they're just such a giving, gracious person, but the inability to say no, always feeling like you need to overextend yourself, sacrifice yourself, betray yourself and call it love, that that is typically trauma-based. You know, occasionally I'm sure there's someone out there who just has a strong bend towards, you know, people pleasing. But when it's when it's to those extreme levels, that that is typically trauma related. Um, so I think those are two of the biggest ones that stand out to me as ones that people may not easily identify as trauma.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

They just they don't they don't ever take the time to sit with it to deal with it. And so a lot of times we we think of ways that people deal with trauma, maybe through drugs or alcohol or sex or eating. But but you mentioned a couple ways of medicating, yeah. People pleasing, um, perfectionism, working out at the gym. Yeah, you know, those those can become ways of even though they're good, those can be way They're socially acceptable. Oh, but there you go. Yeah, that's a better way to put it.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. More and fewer consequences, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Yeah. Yeah. Well, so talk a little bit about the process of healing. When somebody first comes in carrying trauma, what what is most important for them to feel in those early moments when you're when you're starting to work with them? Well, what what is that?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

I mean, there has to be a sense of safety, right? I mean, it you've got to come in and feel can a connection of sorts. Does this person get me? Do they get it? Am I, do they see me? And and you know, really a huge part of that is uh are you naming what maybe they can't name? Do you have words for what they feel? It that it's this sense of connection um without judgment. You know, that is the the safe piece really comes from because we can connect with someone, but there can still be a fear of exposure, right? And so that's what takes it to the next level where healing can happen is this sense of I can be vulnerable and exposed here without judgment. And yeah, oh it's so important.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever had someone share with you after after maybe weeks of them getting to know you and really beginning to trust that you're a safe person? Have you had a person ever say, Alisa, you're the first person that has ever heard this story? I've never shared this with anyone.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I mean, that probably happens to me on a weekly basis. I've had me too. People in their 60s and 70s just I've never told anyone this. My wife doesn't know this, my husband doesn't know this, you know. And that is that is the biggest gift, I think, as a therapist. The privilege to give someone a safe space to offload those burdens and something they've carried for their entire life to get to bring into the light and for the first time ever, maybe take a deep breath and and release that. That is it's a it's a gift and it's a huge part of the healing process. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I wish this term were mine, but it's not. But I love that that term that we get to be a benevolent witness. What what's what do you think of when you hear that?

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah, a benevolent witness. It is, I mean, people need to tell their story. Yeah, they need to tell their story, and they need to know that they're still worthy of dignity and respect and all the things. Nobody's perfect, and um there's a there's new mercy every day. Yeah. That's great.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

So for people who feel discouraged or stuck, what what do you what do you want them to hear if they're listening to this? What do you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Well, one, there's hope. There's always hope. Two, healing is not linear. It it's just not. We are we are very layered. And so I believe, this is just my opinion in my own healing journey and over 10 years of sitting with people, that you can't do it all in every season. There are certain seasons that expose different layers of vulnerability. Yeah. And you and I can have a conversation about something that happened in childhood and maybe not be able to reach it at that time. Like, yes, it's this thing and it bothers me. But then here comes this other season where someone exposes maybe that wound of rejection, and all of a sudden we can connect those dots, the body's online, the nervous system's working, and we are able to process that in a way that brings healing. And so I think just knowing we are always a work in progress, and there are things that are gonna come up, and it it just happens in stages. And just because you take a couple of steps back doesn't mean the work that you have done is gone. Right. It's like muscle memory, you know, it it comes back online. So even in regression or relapse, you know, whatever the case is, it's it's just keep doing the next right thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah. So we may have done a lot of work. And this is, I guess, maybe in my case, even my own personal experience. We may have done a lot of work, and then there's an event that takes place in our life and it exposes, you're right, another layer that we just I think that's maybe the goodness of God. Yeah. Sometimes maybe, maybe it's some of my stubbornness and not willing, but but it's also God may be saying, Okay, it's time. Yeah, you're ready for this next layer.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Well, and could you imagine if we were flooded with everything all at one time? It's too much. We and very few of us, there are people in the world who do get to, but very few of us get to take a break from life and heal. Right. So maybe you could handle it all at once if you just are going away somewhere where there's no kids to put dinner on the table for and no work that you have to show up for, and you know, whatever else. But in most cases, we really can only handle so much at one time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

So well, that's really a good segue into talking about our individual trauma intensives. And those may be two or three days, or maybe even a week, depending on the client. And again, not everything is going to take place in that time, but you're one of those therapists who leads those trauma-intensives at Lantern Lane. So talk about what is an intensive and how is it different from weekly therapy? And how does it maybe play into what you were just talking about there?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah. So an intensive is a way to get in the deep waters without taking 12 months to do it, right? It most people are doing therapy bi-weekly. Some are doing it weekly, but you know, with life, it's it can be hard to carve out. It's really not an hour, right? It's three hours, depending on where you're coming from. You've got to make the time to get in your car, to drive to your therapist, to get there, to get back in your car, go where you're going. That's there's a lot of transition in that. And so that's a big commitment weekly. Um, it's worth it, but that's hard for a lot of people. And so the other part of that is, you know, by the time you get in and start to get into the deep waters in a 50-minute session, it's time to get back out.

unknown 15:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

The beauty of an intensive is you can get in and you can swim. And I love that. That, yeah, yeah. And that is, I think, the biggest piece because it's really hard to get the courage to get in and start to do some work and then have to pull out and then have to do it all all over again. Yeah. Um, and for some people, that does work because it's the way the process is going to go and and the way the layers are gonna peel back. But for a lot of people, there's huge benefits in getting in and getting to those deeper places in a very concentrated space and time. Um, so I think it it offers really expedited healing.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Yeah. I love your analogy of getting in. We get to swim and we get to swim with a lifeguard. Yeah. Right. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

And I've I've benefited from the an intensive myself and being with a with a person who can be that benevolent witness for a long period of time and just staying with me. It's it's just incredibly effective. Yeah. Yeah. So who's a good fit for an intensive?

SPEAKER_01 16:45

You know, I think anyone who is coming up against a disruption in their life repetitively, whether it's in relationship, maybe it's in their marriage, maybe it's in moving forward and making a decision, maybe it's in parenting, um, maybe it's it's internal, it's that crippling perfectionism, people pleasing, and it just feels like there's no room for self. And there is just some sort of pervasive dysregulation. Yeah. Those are great people that um can benefit from an intensive and um really can do they're they're ripe, they're ready to do the work, to get in, they want change, and you can rip the band-aid off, get in there and clean the wound out and do what you need to do.

unknown 17:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

And it doesn't mean it's done. Yeah. You know, intensives are not, okay, we're gonna meet for one, two, or three days and it's done. But the triage, you know, it's it's like now we're ready for physical therapy. We go in, we do the surgery, we get all that taken care of, and now we can say, okay, now let's work on getting a good range of motion and getting to a place where you can function exactly how you want to.

unknown 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

And you talked a little bit about this, but what what is it about the farm that maybe lends itself to be in a really good place to do that? Though this can happen in an office anywhere, and it's and there's excellent resources out there. But what what is it that's different about Lantern Link Farm?

SPEAKER_01 18:29

You know, it's the environment. Uh you get to come to the farm, there's nature, whether you go outside and use the horses or you don't, you know, there's something beautiful about just knowing they're there. Seeing the greenery, the trees, being able to sit outside or take a walk if that's what you need, particularly with intensives. You know, it we we might not always get out there in a 50-minute session, but in an intensive, we're certainly going to spend some time outside. We need to come up for air. And maybe we're gonna do some equine therapy, depending on the person and and what we're working on, and maybe we're not, but um just being able to go out, walk the fence line, pet the horses, look at the sunshine, it all of that is is part of the process because being out in nature just allows your body, I think, to decompress, to regulate, which is such an important part of being able to make those connections and healing.

unknown 19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

So you and I actually sat together for uh several hours and talked about these intensives and what they might look like. And we both talked about how we would really love for this to be uh maybe catered to first responders. They'll work, they'll work for anyone who has experienced trauma, but especially first responders. Who who would be considered those first responders?

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Yeah, anybody who who is really in a space to, you know, at times we'll call it secondary trauma, but at times it's it's it's just trauma to to walk on a scene. Um EMTs, police officers, firefighters, nurses, trauma, yeah, especially in trauma units, um those are huge ones. Anybody I've had um actually um those working in forensics, you know, and and doing autopsies and you know, those pieces, you're looking at this child and thinking, what if this were my child? You know, there's so much that goes into that.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

So um I think anybody who's really exposed to one that we don't often refer to as first responders, but I think they definitely qualify would be people involved in the ministry.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Yes, I knew as soon as you started to say that. That's um, and that's where my mind went. Absolutely. It is um, you know, really the helping profession. You can throw therapists in there too. Yes, oh yeah because that is, I mean, pastors are therapists, you know, whether they want to be or not. You're you're gonna get in with your flock and help them, um, at least if you're you're a good shepherd. So I I think there's a huge need to be with those who minister to people and help them process the load that they're carrying.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Because these people that we've just mentioned here, they often carry things most of us never see. So what what do you think makes their trauma unique?

SPEAKER_01 21:50

They uh bear the burden of handling what other people can't or won't or don't have to. While also having to protect others from it.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

You know, it's it's a I can't come home and talk to my wife about this because I don't want her thinking, what if that happens to our kids? Or um people in the helping profession. I I can't come home and talk about the people in our church or in my practice, or you know, we don't tell people stories. And and so those things I think are the just the confidentiality piece uh is another barrier for them that that makes it even more compounded. I've sat with several trauma nurses over the years who have just shared horrific um ER visits and surgeries, and you know it's like I can't tell, like it's too traumatic. Yeah, it was so traumatic for me to see. I can't put this on anybody else. Yeah. And that's that's a hard thing to go home and lay down with. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Well, and these a lot of these people are trained to push down their feelings. People who are military personnel, yeah. It it's it keeps it keeps them safe. It keeps their the people around them safe to be able to push those things down. So it's this it's a skill that's necessary to learn.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

But then they also have to be able to turn that off so they can take care of themselves. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

And the unfortunate part is especially when we get into the military, and I think some in, you know, police, FBI, there's an element that you can't disclose, or you won't be fit for service. That's right. Right. And so I can't need help. I can't, and so I've I've sat with many military personnel on the back end, and it's so compounded because they have not been able to care for themselves. Yeah.

unknown 23:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

So we work with people who are people of faith, and we work with some people who have no faith, and we meet people right where they are. There's no judgment. But are are there moments in your work where you've seen redemption or restoration in a way that's just really stayed with you and impacted you?

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Yeah, absolutely. Um I mean, I there's a whole Rolodex of things going through my mind, but just seeing people empowered to move into the life that that they actually want, you know, to make the decision that they need to, or to leave the toxic relationship that the other person is not going to change in, um, to be able to learn to say no. Yeah, I mean, just helping people find their voice and um live out who they truly were created to be is such an awesome gift. And to see people, like we talked about earlier, offload those burdens that they've just carried way down in their backpack, unable to to offload that. I would say that is the biggest gift. When I get the privilege of sitting with someone and telling them there's hope, or just being able to say that they still have dignity and and a story worth living, yeah. It's it's a it's an awesome redemptive process. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

And I think you really have already answered this, but well, maybe you can just share a couple more words. What has this work taught you about resilience, hope, or the human spirit?

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Well, it uh oftentimes, and I'm sure you would say the same thing, I'm talking to my clients and thinking, uh, you know, I'm talking to myself, or yeah, you know, it's it's someone on marriage, and I'm like, well, I got a husband to go home to that I need to live this out with, you know, or whatever. And so um it certainly reinforces my convictions. You know, there's sitting with people who need hope reinforces that hope for me and what I believe. You know, I might be struggling with that in my own life, but as I say it, it's like, oh, this is what I believe. This is real, there is hope. And um, you can get through this. You absolutely can. You have what you need. And so I think that's just such a huge part of it. And I love um, I don't know his name, but there was a veteran, Kylie mentioned it in one of our meetings, and it has really stuck with me. So this is not mine, but he he said we're most qualified to help the people we used to be. And I just think that's so so powerful because it's true, there's not, there's no education that can trump personal experience, wisdom and truth, right? When you couple wisdom and truth with with practical rubber meets the road experience, and you can truly say I've walked something similar, me too, with someone, you really can get in there and make them feel safe and make them feel understood. And that just it creates such good environment for healing.

unknown 27:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Well, and I'll say this too about you. Your story is your story. I'm not here to share your story, but at least I see you as one of the most resilient people I know. Yeah. You have you're um you're not just you're not just a survivor, you are an overcomer, and you have you have learned how to take past wounds and hurts and turn it into something that's positive and use it to help others. And I'm I'm just so grateful for that.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah, and I'm thankful for just, I mean, truly, the work of God to continuously place people in my life that have allowed me to to keep my eyes on the hope. And I think the one thing I'd go back to uh, you know, in this, it's making me think of something we talked about earlier. Um in healing, when you said, you know, what would you tell somebody who's stuck? We we have to be connected to people. You know, we truly we cannot heal in isolation. And that is what keeps us going. Yeah. So I think that's such a huge piece. We need sometimes it's just one person, sometimes it's a community, but we have to have connection to move forward. And so I think it's so important for people to understand their need for that, even if they've been wounded by people and people have been unsafe.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Find somebody safe to encourage you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

So what are the next steps for maybe someone, maybe the person is already working with a really fine therapist, but that therapist doesn't do an in do intensive. Yeah. Um, or maybe they don't, they've never been in therapy at all. Um, what would be the what's the next step if they would like to get it more information or they'd like to consider doing this intensive work?

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Yeah, absolutely. They, well, of course, there's our website, lanternlanefarm.org. You can call and and talk with someone. Um, they can get you connected with myself, you, any of our, our specialist, our trauma intake specialist, um, or intensive um specialist, and really just share the highlight reel of their story, what they need, what they what they feel like they want to get out of an intensive. And then from there, that's where we tell you what we what we think you can do and what we think is more longstanding. You know, um not everything can be worked on in two or three days. And so we want to give you a realistic goal and approach, but I think reaching out and talking through that is such a great way to get a good scope for what could I accomplish in a couple of days? What could change in my life and in my body? And um would that be enough for me to then step into therapy and continue my journey for a while? And um, so I think just um starting to do a little bit of research and that's great.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

Yeah. And through the years we've had people come locally, people who are local, but we've also had also had people come from all across the country because they Nashville is easy in and out, and people there's they enjoy coming to Nashville, but they also enjoy or they like the fact of coming to a farm setting. And so I would just encourage if there's a person out there who is interested to to make the phone call. Yeah, um the person on the other end will will answer and give as much information as possible. But if they need to talk to you or I, they can they can do that and we can get them moving forward with with this intensive. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you very much for coming today. Yeah. There is one requirement for visit number two, and that's your co-therapist. Yes. Bella has to be with you.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Yes, I will I will absolutely bring her. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

It's great, great having you. Thank you for taking time. Thanks for having me. Talking about trauma and our trauma intenses at Lantern Link Farm.

unknown 31:41

Yeah.