11. The Hidden Trauma Response that Keeps You Trapped in Freeze Mode and How to Break Free

Content note: This episode includes vulnerable personal experiences and conversations around trauma and trauma responses that some listeners may find activating.

In this deeply personal episode, Robina opens up about a traumatic experience she went through just three days ago. She shares what it can look like to navigate the early stages of trauma and a freeze response, and how she is caring for herself while beginning to process and release the physical impact of stored trauma.

Robina unpacks why the freeze response is not simply procrastination or laziness, but a protective mechanism the body uses when stress or overwhelm becomes too much to process. This conversation explores how nervous system dysregulation can keep women feeling stuck, and how healing begins with safety, understanding, and gentleness rather than pressure or self-criticism.

In this episode, she discusses:

• What freeze mode actually is and why it happens
• How freeze can show up as procrastination, exhaustion, or feeling stuck
• Her personal experience navigating freeze and nervous system overwhelm
• Why pushing harder often leads to more shutdown
• What it looks like to gently build safety and begin moving forward again

Connect with Robina:

• Website: https://routeofhealing.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/routeofhealing/
• Personalized Hormone Balance Reset Quiz: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/698b478d8ecf7e3441a4c914

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to this episode of the Regulated CEO. And today I'm doing something very different. So I wanted to hop on here and be very real. And the reason why I created this podcast is so that women can see themselves in situations and be able to identify when they're going down that rabbit hole. And so I want to talk about something that happened to me very, very recently within the last 72 hours. But I wanted to show you in real time what it looks like to work through trauma when you're being dysregulated or in a situation. I also want to preface that this might be a triggering podcast. So I really want people to understand that healing is a work in progress and you're never really done. I recently went and had a lymphatic drainage massage. The reason why I went was because I realized that my limps were not working properly. And so I really wanted to focus on helping the elimination process for my body to support my body. So I got a referral to a place. I got the name of the person, and it was a male masseuse. I truly felt something inside of me saying, Do I really want to go to a male massage therapist? Now, I will premise that I have been too many in the past, and there has never been anything that's ever made me question it, but I went anyways because I was referred. So I go to this massage place, and you know, it's a reputable place in the city that I live in. So it wasn't like it's some backdoor place or anything like that. I walked in, I met the massage therapist, told me to just wait in the waiting room. He was gonna call me in when it was time. Long story short, I go in, I sit down, and he said, Okay, this is a lymphatic drainage massage, and it's a very sensitive massage. And I was like, okay, like I've had four to five of them before, so I know what to expect, right? I've had it done several times. So he was like, you know, you're gonna touch the buttocks, like the groin area and the breast area. And I was like, okay, because I know that where the exact lymphatic pathways are, they're underneath the armpit towards the exterior of the breast. So I was fine with that. I had to fill out a consent form and then I proceeded to have the massage done. So when I lie down, it was very interesting because I noticed that the sheet was very thin. A lot of times they'll make sure the bed is warm, like you don't feel like you're naked, right? So I did have undergarments on, but not on the top. So when I lied down, he rolled up a towel and covered my eyes, which I kind of felt was weird, but I don't know. I was like, maybe this is the way they do it here. So there was a couple of red flags that came off. Now, mind you guys, I have told this story many times, and I'll fast forward after to let you know like how many people I've told this story to. I am quite traumatized by it, but I want to show you in real time what I'm doing. I have the massage, he starts and it's like normal, minimal talking. So I ask some questions like, Do you live close to here? Blah, blah, blah, like all these kinds of questions ask him. And he's responding. And then finally, he gets to my breast area and literally takes the towel off and starts massaging my entire breast for at least 10 minutes on one side and then 10 minutes on the other. And in the process of that, I'm like, this is inappropriate. This is what I'm thinking intuitively. I'm saying this is inappropriate. I'm not in a great situation here. Like, how do I get out of it? Now, I want to really put that there because I want to perk it for a second, but he proceeded to the next side. And then at the end, he said, Wow, I just released a lot. And so in this moment, I felt very violated and boundaries were crossed. But then I thought to myself, maybe this is not what you're thinking. I'm gaslighting myself in the process of it. So I want to just share a little bit of, I know all of these things. I know how victims make themselves think that there is nothing that happened and that they're wrong and that they're shaming themselves for even thinking it. And I'm going back and forth in my mind this entire time. I get to flip over. And as I'm flipping over, I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I just want this to be over with. So finally the massage ends. And I get up and he was like, Yeah, you can come back in four to six weeks, and was like, nothing happened. So I got up, I walked out, and I had to pay the bill or whatever. And then I left and I called the person who referred this to me. And I had asked, you know, has he ever massaged your breast? I actually texted, this is the weirdest massage I've ever had. And she said no. So that's when the second red flag went up. I came home, I told my husband. My husband, of course, was infuriated, and then I called the police. So I called the police, I did all the things. So this is a current situation that is happening. Went to the hospital, had to file a report, had to take evidence, all this stuff. But I want to tell you about why I'm talking about this. The reason why I'm talking about this is because trauma happens to all of us, no matter who you are, no matter what you've gone through. The really important thing is how you help yourself in the process. And that's what I wanted to talk about today and how the body really works. We know with the fight or flight, everyone knows about fight or flight, your body can go into stress and can be relaxed. So this is how it works when trauma happens. Your brain, which is your amygdala, that's your alarm system for your brain. And that basically when it feels that it's in danger, it floods your body with a whole bunch of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. And so your rational brain, which is your prefrontal cortex, goes offline. And so that's exactly what happened to me. So a lot of people will say, Well, why didn't you say something? Why did you get up? I was in freeze mode. I was in freeze mode. I was not thinking clearly, I was in survival mode in that moment. And when we get in that feeling, and when that happens to us, the vagus nerve gets stuck and it goes into overdrive. And when this happens, it keeps us locked in this fight or flight and freeze. And so that's where I was. I was in that freeze. And to be honest with you, I'm still in that freeze, but I am actively working on getting out of it. And I want to teach you how to do that. And so what happens is trauma really gets stuck in the body and it gets stuck as physical sensations and emotions. So it's not just as something, right? It becomes a story that our brain processes and can move past. But this is why knowing this stuff and knowing that you're safe mentally, but physically, your body is still in that fight or flight and can't move past that. So even though it is 72 hours after, I am still in freeze. My body is still in freeze. And so I have to actively work to teach it that it's safe, even though it feels like it's still under attack. The things that I'm doing to really help myself is I am really working on teaching my body that it is safe incrementally by doing things. I am allowing myself to feel the emotions. I had very puffy eyes this morning. I was crying. You know, I'm melting down every so often. And I'm giving myself the space to do that because most things I would do as a high-achieving woman, and I almost went into that right away after, was like, I'm fine. I was supposed to go to work after I was supposed to see a client. And I had to cancel the client because the police came to my house. But what I'm teaching my body now is okay, it's still going through the motions. I'm still having dreams about it. I can see the situation going over and over in my mind. And so even though it's in my mind, it's still happening in my physical body. Some of the things that I've been doing to really support myself is I've been doing some breath work. I've been stretching. And when I'm stretching, I'm breathing into those areas. This morning, my husband was saying, Where is it living in your body this morning? And I said, It's in my chest and behind my chest. He was like, Okay, let's stretch. So I literally asked my body what it needed, and I put my head over my arm and bent sideways and was breathing into those areas. And as I was breathing, I started crying. And so I'm witnessing this emotion moving through my body with repetition. And as you're doing these things, what happens is the threat detection system starts to rewire itself and it stops firing those danger alarms. And so those are the things that I'm retraining my nervous system through different somatic practices to really support myself. So I'm not just thinking my way through it. And that's something that I always do is I know how to think my way through things. I know how to get out of things. Typically, what I would do is push it down and say, I'm okay. I'm not okay. I am not okay. And I can go through some of life and still be not okay and seek the help that I need. So I really wanted to teach you guys that it's really important to know that there are different practices. Of course, I'm going to be speaking to a professional to really help me process some of the other things as well. But one of the other things that I love to do to signal to my body that it is safe is EFT, which is called emotional freedom technique. And I'm going to show you guys how to do it. So there's a few ways that you can do it. One is you are tapping on different parts of the body to signal to the meridians that your body is safe. Imagine if you are in a very stressful situation, you're not going to be sitting there and tapping on different meridians. You're running. So even if I'm feeling these things, what I can do is work on tapping these different areas. So if you're on my YouTube, you can see the video of me actually tapping. So I'm taking the time and I'm touching the inside of like from my pinky down to my wrist. There's a little pad of flesh there. So I'm tapping on that and just breathing. And so a lot of times what I like to do is like take some really deep breaths and just keep tapping there. Again, you're signaling to the body that it's safe. You can do this by speaking through it too, but I won't add that into this point of the video. You also start tapping the top of your head, so you can use one hand to just tap on the top of your head, right in the middle of your skull. So you're tapping there. Then you're starting to move to the top of the eyes. So right above your eyebrows, use both hands on both eyes, tapping on the sides, so where your temples are, and just breathing in the process. Underneath the eyes, under the nose, above the lips, under the mouth, so where your chin is, on your collarbones, and then under each breast, so under your armpit is where you're going. So one hand to the opposite side, and then the other hand to the opposite side. And then you take a deep breath and then you drink water. Now I forgot to bring my water. But I wanted to show you guys how this works. And you're gonna cycle through that a few times. So what I do with a lot of my clients is I ask them on a scale from zero to 10, 10 being very severe and zero being none, where do you feel you are right now in terms of the emotional duress that you're in? So for myself, I would say I'm probably about a six right now. So I would cycle through that entire sequence of EFT until I get down to a zero. Okay, so I would keep going and keep going and breathing and breathing through that. And what that's really gonna teach my body is the consistency. It's gonna teach my body that it is safe no matter what I am experiencing. Healing is never linear. Regulating your nervous system is never linear. It's going to take consistency to teach my body that it is safe. And I'm gonna have moments where I'm gonna have a breakdown. I'm gonna have moments where I'm emotional. I'm going to ask my body, what does it need? What is the feeling that I'm experiencing? And a lot of the feeling that I was experiencing and still am experiencing is shame and guilt and disappointment and sadness, all these things, right? And those are very low vibrational words and feelings. So I really want to usher and teach my body that it's okay. I will probably be doing some biofuel tuning on myself as well just to help my body release it and get into the relaxed state. But very interesting is that even with my stats from my aura ring, my stats are very low. And so I know my body is trying to work through this. The call to action here today is understanding that when you are going through any type of trauma, whether it be something as severe or as not severe as what I went through, depending on who you are and what you've been through. It could be an event where you feel like a shock. It could be that you are feeling very stressed. There are tools that you can use to really regulate your nervous system. The key is consistency. It's teaching that frontal cortex to come back online because if the body does not feel safe, if the stress hormones are being activated, if you are being activated, then you are not going to think straight. You are not going to teach the body to get into that restoration phase. And I always say this is like my tagline: doing small things in a big way is very impactful, not only for you, but your nervous system, but also for what you're calling in. Because this situation does not define me. It does not define what my future is. It was very unexpected, very unfortunate, very unprofessional, very, I don't know, disheartening. But it's not going to change my mission and it's not going to change who I am. And it's not going to make me go backwards. In fact, it's going to empower me to make sure that this doesn't happen to somebody else. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. It was me being vulnerable. I mean, I'm always vulnerable with you guys, but I also want to teach you that there are things that you can do to help your body get back online and regulate yourself. So I hope this podcast was helpful for you. And if you ever need it in the future, it would be a great one for you to use as a resource. Until next time, take care.