Teachers, the year may be ending differently for all of us but release still matters.

Some of you are done with students. Some of you are in workdays. Some of you are still finishing.

No matter where you are right now — your body knows this year has been long.

This is the final episode of the Waiting to Exhale series. And this week we are talking about the part nobody discusses — what happens when the school year ends on the calendar but never ends inside of you.

You carry it into June. Into the cookout. Into the vacation. Into August. And then September comes and you wonder why you feel depleted before the year even begins.

Release is not forgetting. You will always remember. It is not not caring. You were built to care. It just requires something most teachers never give themselves permission to do.

Summer is coming. And it is more important than you think.

Week four of Waiting to Exhale. 🎙️💚

We’re not here to fix.
We’re here to notice. 

If this helped, pass it to another teacher who might need it. 

Until next time… 

give yourself the same care you give everyone else.

 ~Kim 🌿 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

I'm going to start today with just a little information about myself. As we start the summer and we shift gears into the work that we'll be doing over this summer, I want you to know that as of today, this day, I am currently an assistant principal. I don't stand in front of 25 students every single period. I don't manage a classroom from bell to bell like my hardworking teachers do. But I want you to know that I did. I spent 10 years in the classroom before I ever sat foot in an administrative role. And I know what that room asks of you each and every day, teachers. I know what it takes to hold it together from bell to bell. And I know what it feels like to leave that building with nothing left. Although I'm not in the classroom, I still manage as of now 528th grade students whose discipline has driven their poor teachers crazy. And most end up in my office to deal with those things. So I know that you're dealing with a lot. My role is to carry the building in a different way than the classroom, but it's still heavy. And so I feel you guys because teachers, I'm exhausted. So if this is what it feels like from where I sit, I need you to know this, teachers. I see you. And I see you from the inside of the same building. I see you from inside the same season. And guys, I see you from the same kind of tire. I see that the behaviors and the expectations for students, oh my goodness, and the work that we have, all that has changed over the years. I've done this for 28 years. You've got to know it's changed. And the behavior has changed a lot, especially after COVID. I'm not going to blame it all on COVID, but there's been a change. And that you all are being asked to carry so much more than teachers have ever in the history of teachers have ever been asked to carry. In fact, I had an unfortunate little argument with a person on um social media who had all these things to say about what teachers have done, and you've never stepped foot in the seat, in that chair, in those shoes. So I wasn't really happy with that. Guys, today is our last week together in this series. Some of you are completely done with students. Some of you are in teacher work days, trying to close out a year that guys felt closed weeks ago. And some of you, God rest your soul, be blessed, especially those of you further north. You are still in it, still showing up, still trying to finish strong. No matter where you are right now, your body knows this year has been super long. Welcome back to Teaching Without Losing Yourself, the podcast. I'm Kim. After 28 years in education, I realized that I couldn't get teachers what they needed within the system. So I decided to support teachers from outside the system instead. More to come on that later. That's why this podcast exists. This is After the Bells Beyond the Box, a moment made just for teachers, even on the moon. Everything we talk about here, teachers, is built around this simple belief. You can stay in teaching without losing yourself in the process. Our goal here is always to help you see what is getting in the way of that. So you can see things differently, more clearly than you did yesterday. This is week four of Waiting to Excel, which is our theme, our work for the month of May. Week one, guys, we name the contradiction, okay? And the contradiction is the way that May asks you to stay fully engaged, fully responsible while all the signals around you are saying this thing is over. This is done. And then in week two, we named what is actually being asked of you. What is actually being asked of teachers? And it wasn't content teaching, instruction, strategies, it wasn't any of those things. What was asked of you in May, what's being asked of you in May is energy, managing energy, your students, parents, administrators, energy. And that's different. In week three, we talked about the pressure you've been putting on yourself to carry this, this, this thing, the same way you carried October. And we actually brought the name to the table as well. And I'm going to make sure I take lots of opportunities to start naming things what they are so you can name them when you encounter them. But we brought out the calling trap, which is where we are in week three. And that is the belief that caring deeply means sacrificing endlessly. The belief that caring deeply means sacrificing endlessly. Guys, this week, the last week in May, we're gonna land. And we're not gonna land with a strategy, we're not gonna land with a list. We're gonna land with one question that matters more than any of those things right now. And that question is, teachers, have you actually let this year go? Or are you still holding it? So, guys, this is what I want you to sit with. The school year ending on a calendar does not mean the school year ends inside of you. Teachers carry this year with them. You know, you carry your years with you into the car, you carry them into the house, you carry them into the summer, and you even carry the year before into August into the next year. And most of the time, nobody wants to really talk about that. What we talk about with teachers is, you know, getting rest, recharging. I'm not a fan of that word. Recharging is what we talk about. We talk about coming back ready to go. And those are important things. We do need you to reset, and we do need you to be ready. I have a different definition of ready, as you'll learn over the summer. But we do not talk about what it actually takes for you, teacher, to put a year down, to stop replaying it, to stop holding the students you are worried about, to stop reviewing what you could have done differently, to let the unfinished things stay unfinished, teachers. Release is not the same thing as not caring. You can care deeply about your students and still allow yourself to carry the weight of the year, every waking moment of your summer. That's what I need you to stop doing. Not to not care about them, but to stop carrying the weight that comes with the level of caring about them that you have into your summer. Those two things are not in conflict. Teachers, you need to know that. And while all of that is happening inside of you, there's a noise coming from the outside too. And I hate it with everything in my system. And because it gets really loud in the summer. All the jokes about teachers having summers off, the comments about only working nine months a year, the people who have never stood in front of a classroom a day in their lives, telling teachers that they do not deserve to be tired. Okay, that's a lot that I can say about that. And so, teachers, what do you do? You start explaining yourself to these idiots. You justify your work, you defend the exhaustion to people who have decided a long time ago not to believe you. And that defense costs something too, because you cannot fully rest while you are still trying to prove that you deserve to rest. You can't do that. Teachers, listen clearly to these words. You do not owe anyone an explanation for your exhaustion. Not your husband or wife, you don't owe the public and social media, you don't know your best friend who works in the banking industry. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your exhaustion. They can't handle it. They don't understand it, they don't have the capacity. You don't owe anyone, not this summer and not ever. Let me show you what not releasing actually kind of looks like, guys, because it doesn't always look like sadness or burnout. Um, there's so much burnout on social media. Uh, and that's just not what it always looks like. Sometimes it looks like a perfectly normal day, right? Do you know that feeling at the end of the summer, or excuse me, the end of the school year, when you're finally at home and you're finally sitting still and your mind is still at school? That feeling where you're replaying that conversation with that parent, that unkind parent, where you are thinking about the student you didn't get to, you know, you tried hard, but you just didn't reach him, where you're running through what you would do differently next school year, and it's June. And you are sitting in your backyard, or you are at the beach, or you're in your living room, and the year will not leave you alone. Have you ever been there? I know I have. Teachers, that's not dedication. I think I mistakenly thought that too. I know I mistakenly thought that too. It's not dedication to do that. That is a year that was never given permission to just end. Just stop. And here is what happens when teachers do not release the year. You carry it into every conversation in June. You cannot fully be present with the people who need you at home because guess what? You are still in the building. You start August already tired. Raise your hand if you've done that. You went into the building in August and you were still tired. Want to know why you're still tired? Because teachers, you never actually stopped. Sure, you were on the beach. Sure, you didn't go into the building physically, but you were always there. And you didn't always know it, but you were always there. That's why you're tired. And then September comes and you wonder why you're even more depleted, more exhausted, you're even more tired. So you're carrying that into the car from last on the last day, guys. That last day you carried that all with you. And you carried it into the first week of June. You carried all that with you to the cookouts with your friends, to the vacation that you took with the girls. You carried it to that quiet Tuesday morning when you were finally somewhere alone and didn't have anything and anywhere to be. And you cannot be fully present where you actually are because part of you never left the building. Teachers, the summer is not just time off. We have summers for multiple reasons, but the reason that's the most important for you is not just to say I have time off or to transition kids from one grade to another. The summer is a recovery time. And recovery requires release. And I'm not talking about forgetting. You'll always remember, guys. And I'm not talking about not caring. Teachers, we're built and trained to always care, and that's okay. But it does require release in order to recover. And teachers' release is hard. I'm gonna tell you, I'm not I'm not speaking to you as though this is something that's easy to do. There's so many seconds of the day that you can go in and out of this moment. It is hard. You know that voice, the one that shows up on the first row day of summer when you finally, you know, doesn't have anywhere to be. The one that tells you, which, you know, I've heard many times, that there's something you could be doing. You know, you you shouldn't be sitting still. Um, this feels wrong to sit still. What else could you do? That enjoying a full day of not doing anything is wrong. That there's just so many things that are left undone that you could be attending to. That that voice that's telling you that you cannot just relax and enjoy the moment. You cannot fully arrive at rest, teachers, because you think and your body tells you, and social media tells you, that rest is something you have to earn first. And you think, I just need to get a few things together for next year. You know, it's kind of harmless. What will it hurt for me to go ahead and start looking ahead into my grade book and seeing who I'm getting next week next year? I just need to check in on that one student. You know, that student that I checked in on every week, that I called his mom every week. I just I just want to check in on him and see how he's doing. Or I just need to feel like I left things. The year ended in a better place. And guys, the summer slips by as you're doing that. That voice, that voice in your head, remember, it has a name and it's called the calling trap. The same belief that kept you holding too tight in the last week of school is the same belief that followed you into summer. The calling trap does not clock out when the building closes. It tells you guys, the calling trap tells you that a good teacher, oh, a good teacher, she stays connected. Yeah. That good teacher's always thinking about next year. That's what a good teacher is. That rest is something you earn after you have done enough. That's what the calling trap is. And teachers, when is enough enough? I don't even know. Because I have watched teachers spend entire summers never fully arriving at rest because the bar for enough just kept moving. They thought they had done it, they they completed all of the tests for the first semester. That wasn't enough. They wanted to go further. The bar just keeps moving, so the teacher can't rest. And you think you're resting because you're doing this on your couch, you're doing this at the beach, you're doing this, you know, at a dinner party. I mean, you're doing this in multiple places that are not the school building. So you feel like I must be resting, but you're not. You're still there. Guys, there is a moment somewhere in the summer where you have to make a decision. Not a big one, not a loud one. God, it's just a quiet decision. And that decision is to let the year be what it was. I know that's hard. It's hard for me. Just to let it be, to let finish be finished, to let the students you could not reach still matter to you without making that weight yours to carry alone indefinitely, to let the unfinished things just be unfinished and a step back into yourself. Teachers know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Step back into the person who exists outside of the role, the one who has interests. Who is she? In relationships, you know, your friends, in rests that have nothing to do with classroom or building or grade book. That person deserves to show up for you this summer. She deserves to come out and play. And I want you to be honest, okay. I'm stepping into my own release this year in a way I never have before. And on June 1st, I'm going to be transitioning somewhat. I won't be leaving education. I'm just going to be shifting my role. And I learned slowly and painfully, guys, that some walls that need to be torn down brick by brick, that need to at least be pushed, they don't move from inside. And so to support the work that I do, I'm going to support teachers from outside of that. Okay. And at teachers, I say all that to say I want you to know that I understand what it costs to hold something longer than it is serving you. I held that role. I believed in it. And I'm having to let it go to step into what I actually am called to do. Teachers, you are allowed to do the same thing with this year. This is not about leaving. This is about releasing what this year costs you so you can show up for the next one. Let it go. Let it go. Not because it did not matter, not because it does not matter, not because it's not important, because it did and it is. But let it go. Because teachers, you matter too. So here is what release actually looks like, guys. It's not a ceremony. There's no grand gestures, there's no signs being held up. Release, release. Release is a series of small quiet decisions. Letting the day end without replaying everything. Not needing the year to wrap up perfectly with a beautiful bow before you give yourself permission to rest. Allowing the students you worry about to still matter to you without making their outcomes. What happens? Your measure of your worth. Release is choosing to be present where you actually are instead of mentally still in a building that is closed to teachers for the summer. Teachers, you are more than your usefulness. You are more than a teacher. You are more than your usefulness. You are more than what you produce. You're more than what you fix. You are more teachers than what you give to others and give you do. You are more than that role. And summer is the season where that truth has to have the most room to breathe. It's your time for release. Is where the you are more has the most space to be real. Teachers, I want you to actually rest this summer, not perform rest. Okay. That doesn't mean get in the bed under the cover, sit on the couch. I want you to rest, not plan for rest and then fill it with different tasks and different things to do. I want you to actually rest. Reflect when you are ready. Rebuild guys when it feels right for you. But give yourself permission to show up somewhere this summer that has nothing to do externally or internally with school. So this is where waiting to excel lands. Four weeks, four layers, one truth underneath all of it. You have been carrying something real this year, guys, and you're allowed to put some of it down. I want to tell you a little bit about what is coming. June is here, and June is not a continuation of May. If you don't know the months that teachers experience, the 12 months are very predictable in nature. And we're going to talk about that a little bit this summer because you need to know the predictability of the work that you do so that you can interrupt the pressures that you are under. June is something completely different. Summer is the most important season of this work. I know that sounds contradictory, but it is. Not because teachers are free from the building, right? Um, but because you guys are finally free enough to receive something, to reflect without pressure of what's coming tomorrow. And you are free to rebuild in a way that actually lasts. Summer is where teachers actually can take something in. This is what we are stepping into together next month. I want you to know something about where I'm stepping into as well. And I will be sharing more information about you about that and my shift of my role a little bit later on. But know that I built after the bells for teachers because I could not stop thinking about teachers in the things that they encounter each and every day, in decisions that I have made as a leader, in decisions I have made as a teacher that impact the work, in decisions I would have wanted to make. Make and try to make at times when the system wasn't as likely to allow those decisions to be made. This has been made for every teacher who has ever cried in their car before walking into the school. And after the bells is made for every teacher who gives everything inside those walls, and guys, a rod's home with nothing left. You deserve real support for carrying something real. And this summer, we're gonna pour into that together. We are not done. We're just beginning a different kind of work. As always, guys, we're doing this slowly, one layer at a time together. Until next time, teachers, give yourself the same care you give everyone else.