So… What Happens at a Sex Party, Really?

Let’s be honest — we’ve all wondered what goes on at a sex party.

Day-long orgies. Indecipherable throngs of sweaty, writhing, naked bodies. If what comes to mind feels straight out of a movie montage, you’re not alone. Sex parties tend to live in the imagination long before anyone actually attends one. But how much of that is accurate?

In this episode of Love & the Layman, certified sex coach Samantha Raddock and her husband Jared pull back the curtain on sex parties (sometimes called play parties) and what they’re really like in practice. From nerves and curiosity to consent, boundaries, and etiquette, this conversation focuses less on spectacle and more on the logistics of stepping into this space for the first time.

How should you act? What makes these spaces feel safe — or not? And how do you actually prepare for the big event? Rather than feeding the hype, this sexposé stays curious and grounded, offering context and clarity without pressure or judgment.

Eager for an invite? Relax — getting a lay of the land before getting laid is the right choice for this party.

Press play. We’ve got you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi, I'm Samantha Raddock, and I'm a sex and relationship coach.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

And I'm Jared, my husband. And I'm not a sex and relationship coach.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

This is Love and the Layman, where we answer your most salacious, most intimate, most burning questions about sex and intimacy.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

On this podcast, you get to hear two schools of thought.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

The opinion of the trained and certified sex expert.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

And mine, the layman.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

It's a discussion where we explore taboo topics with a combination of research, expert opinion, and personal experience.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

And we never know where it will lead.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

And that's what makes it fun. Please note if you've got kiddos around or you're at work, be sure to put those headphones on. This is definitely mature content. And just a reminder, I'm not a medical doctor. Everything I share here is for educational purposes only. So be sure to check in with the qualified healthcare provider for anything medical.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Let's get started. Hi, this is Shannon from Texas. I'm going to my first sex party and I am so nervous, but excited at the same time. Any tips on how to prepare?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

That's party. That's fun. Kudos to you. You've completed one of the hardest parts, honestly, actually agreeing to go, wouldn't you say?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Yeah. I mean, honestly, whether you signed up or bought a ticket or made plans, it's just like a huge step. So be proud of yourself. I'm really excited for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Yeah, and get ready for fun. I mean, it's a fun world you're entering into.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

So the best place to start to prepare yourself is to read up on everything you can about the party that you will be attending, like the specific one. If they're a legitimate company or community or organization, they should have usually a website or an easily accessible mission statement that clearly states their rules about safety and about etiquette and most importantly about consent.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Yes. Safety is all is all very important. But should we be prepping her for what she should be expecting to do?

SPEAKER_00 1:56

She should, but I just want to I'm just gonna like I just wanna give her she's she's asking about it.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Yeah, you're telling us about the asparagus and the broccoli. We want to know about the meat and the potatoes. What is gonna happen at the play parties?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I just want to because before she goes there, I just want to say if you can't find this information from the jump, don't go.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

They should be legitimate, they should be, they should have rules and regulations and be safe and thank you. That's all I was saying. Absolutely correct. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Jump I know it the fun is important, but you can't have fun if you are unsafe.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Great. Now, drum roll. What should we be expecting?

SPEAKER_00 2:29

First of all, the communities that throw these types of plate parties um will usually have like handy information about like what to wear, and there's like themes or you know, whatever. They usually sometimes sometimes they have more information about the night that can kind of get you into the spirit. So it's it is important to kind of brush up and see what they're offering for the night to so you're aware because they're all a little bit different.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

A nerd. It's like there's two parts of the question of the answer so far have both been studying and preparation. Yeah, you get you get an A plus, and we all get it. Is it is it a huge?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

You're not listen to me. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna go jump to that because that's not you have to go through all the steps.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Okay, fine. We've all we prepared, we've read up, and we we've taken copious notes.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Okay, great. Shannon.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

Shannon.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

I would spend some time ruminating on your own personal boundaries. So, what are the things you're willing to experience? What are you very much not looking to experience? Right? So these things can change for sure with time, but knowing what your limits and what your desires are before you walk through that threshold will only make the entire evening more pleasurable for you.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

And know what you're trying to get out of that.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Yeah, and it will keep you in integrity with yourself. So really think about what you're looking to get out. And it's fine if you don't have all the answers. Like, I don't think you should have all the answers right away. You don't know. You've never been to this kind of party before, but you do know what you feel comfortable with and what you don't. Listen, we Jared and I have been to play parties. Jesus, I really don't think we should give our parents this podcast to listen to. Anyway, when we have had to have a conversations beforehand about what to do and like what we're okay with and what we're not okay with, and just it's really important to just know in your mind what you're comfortable with before.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

Absolutely. All true.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Right, before going into that environment.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Yeah. So now we're we've studied, we've learned, it's a credible organization.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Her question was her question was literally, do we have any tips on how to prepare? That was the question.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

That is absolutely fair. This is a preparation. Yes. But I would think that part of the preparation is knowing what you actually expect when you're walking into the door.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Listen, you're right. I think we we have another question that was like along these lines. So maybe we'll jump to that one. We'll jump to that one right now. But in the end, I just want you to know, Shannon, that you shouldn't put too much pressure on pressure on yourself. Every single person at that party had a first time just like you. And it's easier said than done, but just try to have fun, stay safe, let go of expectations. You know, you may find yourself wondering why you didn't do this sooner.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Let's get into the the nitty-gritty of play parties.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Drumroll? Drumroll? Drumroll, nitty gritty. Nitty gritty of play parties. That should be the name of our podcast.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Hi, this is uh Brad calling from California. So my question is uh I want to know more about play parties, but I have no idea where to start. First, what are they like? And secondly, how do I go about finding one? Is there anything important that I should know as a newbie?

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Then here we go. Now we're talking. Thank you, Brad from California.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Thank you, Brad. We get a lot of questions about this, okay? I mean, as you can tell from from Jared's reaction.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

My excitement.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Here it goes. Trying to describe what play parties are like is like trying to describe, I don't know, what sweaters are like?

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Something that has a lot of variety.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

No, fundamentally, their purpose is to like keep you warm. Sweaters. That is, not play parties. But they can look and they can feel and they can present vastly different depending on a myriad of factors. That is a terrible analogy.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

That's a terrible analogy. Is that really the analogy you came up with?

SPEAKER_00 6:15

I don't know. It's just this is just the one that came to me. I don't know. All that to say, they're all different, but like also the same, you know?

SPEAKER_03 6:21

I don't actually, but we'll just go we'll go with it.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Both sweaters and play parties. Different, but the same. But the same. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

That's the tagline.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Okay, so they can range. Play parties can range from classy and curated to wild and unhibited. But you know, at their core, they're social events where people gather to explore pleasure and connection and intimacy and sensuality in a consensual and often sex positive environment. So think of them like an adults-only playground where respect and communication and consent are non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Absolutely. I will say, from our experience and my experience with them, they function and feel very much like more normal social gatherings.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah, typical.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Yes, it's a party, it's a fun party, and uh and you're right, there probably is a range and diversity of what kinds of party or setting it is, but in essence, it is people gathering, and maybe the intent is slightly different in the back of everybody's mind. Sure. They know that there is a sexualized and sex is possible at these events, but you are still going somewhere, gathering, meeting people and seeing where the night goes and the vibe. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

But before, truly, before we go any further, I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that even asking this question, it does take courage. Absolutely. Because like if you're feeling nervous, uncertain, or even a little embarrassed, that's like completely normal. Society doesn't exactly hand out, you know, how to attend your first play party guides at school. And I would say I wish they did. That would be awesome.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Of course. And I would say that most a lot of the people at the play parties are also feeling the same thing, a nervousness of maybe it's their first one. I know what my first place is. A hundred percent. So it's a absolutely under understandable.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Yeah. So if this honestly, if this curiosity has been simmering inside you, just know that you're not alone. And it's okay to take things at your own pace, no matter what that pace is, right? So okay, finding one starts with research. Many cities have underground or you know, semi-public communities that host these kinds of events. Um fetish friendly websites or local sex positive groups, or just even like word of mouth recommendations are great places to start.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

And if you don't know, sorry to interrupt, if you don't know somebody in this world already and you don't have a recommendation, are you this is like a Google search?

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yeah, you can Google like play party is a t is your standard. I mean, some people will say sex party, but I think play party is is your standard. So you can Google like play parties in like your city.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

But stick with sickle play party as the term you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, I would say that. And like honestly, what you could probably find some options just even with that little Google search, but once you find one, I would just vet the community or group that's putting it on. So as I've said before, good play parties have like clear guidelines and a code of conduct, and some of them even require an application or an invite, and they prioritize safety and privacy and inclusivity, all those great words, ensuring that everyone attending understands the rules of engagement.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Yes, there is a conduct, there is a safety, priority, uh, and all these things you should expect if you are going to investigate, going into attending a play party.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

I mean, let's be honest, like nothing kills the vibe faster than bad manners or unclear boundaries. I agree. At least for me.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

And it's very prevalent at the parties that we've attended as well. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Yeah, and honestly, I personally would look for a party that requires a newbies to show up a bit early to learn in person about the rules and yeah, about the rules and guidelines of that particular party or group or your second favorite thing after research is orientation. It's true, but I mean to me that means that they hold the safety and consent of their members in the highest regard, and that's super important.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Of course. Okay, so Brad finds a play party that he can go to, he researches it. It's it's legitimate. Thank you for seeing me on track. It's their legitimate organization. He attends, he gets there early, he's well prepared, well read, and now he is oriented.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Okay, what to expect?

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Okay, so a mix of, as you said, like socializing and watching and participating, if you choose, and lots of conversations about boundaries.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

Is of course, of course. And your more your more of your favorite thing. Conversations about rules. Is there liquor?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

So it depends on the organization. I mean, the ones that we've been to, they always they allow liquor, but you have to bring your own. Some of them are no alcohol or drugs of any kind, you know. Some it it really just depends on the organization. Some parties have themed rooms or like entirely themed evenings, and others can focus on specific kinks. Many encourage dressing up in fabulous fetish wear or lingerie or what are what are some of the rooms?

SPEAKER_03 10:59

What are what are some of the themes? What can we tell Brad about it?

SPEAKER_00 11:04

It just depends. There's there's if especially if it's it's kink focused, right? It might be a room where they play with ropes and do like different rope fancy Shibari rope ties. Again, a whole other conversation for another time. Shibari is the Japanese art of rope tying. It is beautiful and sensual and exciting, and it's one of my favorite things, but that's a conversation for another time. There might be a spanking room, there might be a spanking bench. That's a thing, right? Whereas people go on that and have a quick conversation before, and then they get a little spanking, and it's fun. And and you know, maybe there's a room where it's just all, you know, who knows what kind of places. Maybe they have a black light room, right? Like it could be like different themes, things like that. Honestly, despite what you've seen in movies, not every play party is an orgy in full swing from the moment you walk in.

SPEAKER_03 11:50

Yes, honestly, like you said, it's completely correct.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah, a lot of them have like it's like a regular party. Like if there's a laid back cocktail hour, sometimes there's icebreaker games, sometimes there's guided introductions to help new attendees feel comfortable. Some have performances or demonstrations beforehand. You know?

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Yeah, so it's so there is a range of possibilities. But the one thing I would impart just from my, I know you have more experience in this just from your knowledge and education, but in my experience attending, I would just say to Brad, um, you should expect, like I said before originally, a a kind of no um typical party or social gathering type of vibe. But then there's undoubtedly going to be an another area where there's mattresses or or beds or uh spaces where uh more um erotic play should be expected and will be occurring.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. There's definitely people are are going there with sex in mind. Yes. So it's it's just not starting out that way. But then it it one thing sort of leads to another. And it's I think what's beautiful about these kinds of parties is that, you know, it's different than going to a bar with your buddies, and you know, maybe you want to take a girl home and it's like, will she or won't she? Or it's much more um, everyone is very upfront, very open and communicative at these things.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

And I think that's the real key that I think people who are looking at this world and curious about this world, that's the fun part of what to expect. You're when you're going to a bar, you're like, oh, maybe or hopefully, or I would love to hook up with somebody, and like maybe maybe they're into it, maybe they're not. These these types of events are places where everyone has that same mindset of everyone going there usually is is has the mindset of I was with some kind of sexual activity in mind.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Yeah, but I also want to be clear that participation in any of this is always optional. Like just stay curious and communicate openly, but you don't have to do anything. And the most important thing is to check in with yourself. Like, are you feeling safe? Are you feeling excited? Are you feeling intrigued? You know, those are all good signs. Like feeling pressured or overwhelmed or unsure, you definitely should take a step back.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Right? There's no there's no quote unquote right way to experience a play party, but the goal is as always to find pleasure on your terms and nobody else's.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

Absolutely. And maybe even attend and you don't, and with the with the mindset of nothing is gonna happen. I'm not gonna do anything this time. I'm just gonna be a voyeur and just enjoy the, you know, get the vibe.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Honestly, my advice if you're new is to start by just observing. Like just walk in with no expectations other than just learning. Truly, the sexiest thing you can bring to a play party is a sense of curiosity and a solid grasp of enthusiastic enthusiastic consent.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

That is wise words.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Or maybe also a really good outfit. Because nothing says I'm here to have an experience like dressing the part, right? If you leave with nothing more than an interesting story and a newfound appreciation for the world of play, that is still a huge win. So just go and have fun.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Enjoy that, Brad. Have fun.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Thank you for listening to Love and the Layman. I'm your host, Samantha Radick, and the Layman is my wonderful husband, Jared Watson. Make sure to subscribe to the Love and the Layman Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Follow us on Instagram at Love Layman Podcast, and there you can submit your questions. Feel free to type them out or leave us a voice note. And to learn more about what I do and the kind of coaching I offer, or to work with me directly, check out my website at Samantharaddock.com. Love and the Layman is a production of junction audio. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.