So…What’s Up With Vaginas, Really?

For something half the population has, the vulva still manages to be shrouded in quite a bit of mystery.

How it’s supposed to look, how it’s supposed to smell, where everything is, and how it should feel. Female anatomy may be as varied and unique as fingerprints, but that variety often creates more questions than answers—and an unhealthy dose of anxiety for women who don’t fully understand their own bodies.

In this episode of Love & the Layman, certified sex coach Samantha Raddock and her husband Jared hear from listeners in desperate need of a little vaginal affirmation.

From stress about receiving oral sex to the curiosity—and confusion—surrounding squirting, this conversation explores the psychology of female pleasure, the nerves many women feel about their vulva, and the myths that prevent them from relaxing enough to actually enjoy themselves.

Have you ever feared that your yoni was more of a yo-no? Relax — your body is beautiful, and so are you.

Press play. We’ve got you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hi, I'm Samantha Raddick, and I'm a sex and relationship coach.

SPEAKER_04 0:06

And I'm Jared, my husband. And I'm not a sex and relationship coach.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

This is Love and the Layman, where we answer your most salacious, most intimate, most burning questions about sex and intimacy.

SPEAKER_04 0:18

On this podcast, you get to hear two schools of thought.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

The opinion of the trained and certified sex expert.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

And mine, the layman.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

It's a discussion where we explore taboo topics with a combination of research, expert opinion, and personal experience.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

And we never know where it will lead.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

And that's what makes it fun. Please note if you've got kiddos around or you're at work, be sure to put those headphones on. This is definitely mature content. And just a reminder, I'm not a medical doctor. Everything I share here is for educational purposes only. So be sure to check in with a qualified healthcare provider for anything medical. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

I'm 25 and sexually active. Every time a guy tries to go down to me, I just can't get comfortable. I feel like I smell bad or taste bad or both. All I do is spend the time he's down there worrying and stressing out about it. I definitely can't relax and never orgasm. Are there any tricks you can give me to calm my nerves during the act? Janae, New York. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Oh, my darling Janae. Let me start by saying this. Your vulva is perfect. And your scent and your taste are normal and most likely intoxicating and arousing to any man who attempts to go down on you.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

I would agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Yeah, thank you. So now that we've got that out of the way, let's expound further, shall we? Sure. It's okay, you're 25. So I'm not sure you would remember or have ever seen ads and commercials for douches, but they were prevalent when I was coming of age for sure. Do you remember those?

SPEAKER_04 1:53

I do. I used to that that used to be an insult, like a playground insult for boys, like calling somebody a douche.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Do you still do that?

SPEAKER_04 2:00

I don't know. I I I I I want to call some people douches, but I haven't done it in a long, long time.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Okay. Well anyway, these these these douches were basically they looked like um squeezy bottles, essentially, that women they would advertise to women to put up their vaginas, to squeeze into their vaginas, and they were scented.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

That's so interesting.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

To make them smell pretty, legit. And there were there was that brand, oh, I'm forgetting the brand. Was it Summer's Eve?

SPEAKER_04 2:28

You're asking me if I know the brand of douches.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

This is for our time.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

Not to derail us. What's interesting is I've used that word a thousand times in my life. I have no idea what it actually was or what it looked like, or like what the real purpose was. Yeah. So it's for smell and it's some.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

It was a thing that they right, and you don't need them. They are not necessary. And in fact, probably they caused lots of infections in women because they're you're not supposed to be squirting anything up there. Yeah, don't have to. Um, especially anything with scent in it. They were very prevalent.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

And I assume not needed.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Definitely not needed. So my point is companies are very still, like very much still trying to make women believe that there is something wrong with our bodies, especially when it comes to our nether regions. I feel like, you know, now it's not douches, but it's there's all sorts of other things, and they're trying to make you get labioplasty. They're trying to make you talk about, you know, hair down there or not hair down there. And it's like, you know, there's always something different, things to make you smell good. They even have like scented maxi pads and things like that, right? I just it's ridiculous. But how else are they gonna get you to buy all those perfumes and douches and bombs and yeah, this is commercialization of self-improvement. Yeah, I mean, it's all made up. It's just a marketing ploy to get you to feel crappy about your beautiful and perfectly normal body so you spend money on stuff that you don't need.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

So women should not fear this, Janae should not fear this.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

No, of course not. I mean, listen, if a man is attempting to go down on you, he is aroused by the scent or taste or look or all three of you and all of your glorious parts. I mean, what would you you're a man, what would you say?

SPEAKER_04 4:05

I agree. And if he's continuing and he's not the stopping, then there's no reason I don't wanna I don't want to trivialize or make make light of this person's fear or concern, because I have similar f fears and concerns myself as a man in different ways.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

But um No, but if you're going down on a woman, yeah, you're and you're continuing to go down on a woman.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

I'm aroused, I'm into it, I'm into her, and if I'm continuing and I'm proceeding with that activity, it smells and tastes lovely and and great.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Yeah, I mean they're just all vulvas and vaginas taste and smell as they were meant to. I agree. There's one caveat to that. So that is if there is an infection going on, if there's a bacterial infection or a yeast infection, and if that's the case, you will notice an odor. And when I say you, I mean you, Janae, or you, any woman, any female bodied person will notice an odor that seems abnormal from your typical musk if you have an infection. There is discharge that is not the same as your usual typical discharge. It would be noticeable. That is a different, yeah, it will be noticeable to you likely before you ever let anyone down there. So that is the one exception.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

But otherwise If that's not the case, then all is good and you should.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yeah, and even then, a quick visit to your doctor or to urgent care will, you know, remedy the situation. That shouldn't be an issue at all.

SPEAKER_04 5:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

You know? Now, listen, all this said, I know that it is way harder to actually will ourselves to think differently when we have been conditioned to a certain way of thinking.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

So I would recommend maybe trying some deep breathing while you're engaging in the act or even attempting to pretend that you're smelling roses or another scent that is like attractive to you.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

It is a mental exercise.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Yeah, for sure. A total mental exercise. Like if you're I'm like picturing myself laying there and and if you like take some deep breaths and like think of roses or think you know, to try to distract yourself from thinking that you might smell. Maybe you wanna you wanna visualize something that smells really good. It doesn't have to be roses. I mean, I'm just using that, but right? Just you can trick your mind into thinking a lot of things.

SPEAKER_04 6:10

This is a mind game, and you have to figure out how to get past that, I assume.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yeah, totally. And I don't think it he would be down there if he didn't want to be.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

That's true. I mean, this is it's interesting because I I think this happens for men a lot too. Um this is getting in your own mind, getting into your head and losing losing confidence and thinking something is wrong, and then that that mental part of it can take over for men. The shitty part is that it's often can end in like losing an erection or something.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Totally, exactly. It's the same thing. So this is just all, you know, there's honestly, the the things that you can do for the most part are things that usually you can do outside of your sexual activity, right? Things like meditation, like I said, deep breathing, like things like that that calm your nervous system are really good for you in the long run, even if you're doing it when you're not in the sexual act. And then remembering it'll help you, it'll help your body remember to be more calm and take deeper breaths and connect to your body when you're in that act, if you're doing it outside of the bedroom.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

Yeah, and that's so that sounds kind of more more easily said than done.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

It is more easily said than done. I recognize that.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

But this is the kind of thing that actually sex coaches can help with as well. Yes. And my limited experience with sex coach is not you, because you're my wife, and it'd be very weird if you were also my sex coach, but with other sex coaches that I have had these kind of talks with sex coaches and have heard these kind of tips and tricks and things, and I will absolutely guarantee that it is easier said than done, but also can still be effective if you figure out how to do that.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah, with any sexual situation or intimacy, I mean, that is the most vulnerable we can be. And the more vulnerable we are in those situations, the better sex we're gonna have, the better intimacy we're gonna have.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

But it is difficult to be vulnerable and it is difficult to let go. And you have to, this is not something that happens overnight, right? This is not like, oh, let me breathe deep three times and I'm good to go. It's like a practice that you have to cultivate over time, and and it will get easier over time. It will get easier over time. It just takes time.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

Absolutely. But I do want to say I think this is also a a common issue for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

So I understand it, and I appreciate the call and the question. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I agree. Let's go to the next one.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

On the Love and a Layman podcast. Hi, I'm Damien. I'm calling from New Jersey. Uh so I really want to make my girlfriend squirt. I've made other women squirt before, and I think I have a pretty good grasp on the technique, but she's too nervous to even let me try on her. She she's worried that it's like pee or gross in some way, even though I've told her again and again it it's not pee, and I really love it. Can you help me say something to convince her? I love these questions.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Listen to me, Damien. No, I have to say something. Please. I cannot convince your girlfriend to do anything. She is a whole human being with autonomy and the right to set her own boundaries on what she will and will not do, and you should respect that completely.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

I appreciate that that just needed to say that. I appreciate that that that disclaimer, but I don't think that's the essence of what Damien is trying to ask here.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Well, I'm just saying. I just I just really want to get that out there. It's just important to me. You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have I shouldn't have come off so aggressive in that. I apologize.

SPEAKER_04 9:25

Um but I I do love this question. I've had this thought myself. I I think it's a ripe topic for discussion. Please regale us with our intention.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

We can't make her do anything, but I I can give you and her and all of our listeners a brief squirting 101 lesson, which can maybe alleviate some fears that she, you know, or anyone has around the act.

SPEAKER_04 9:48

Please.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Okay, here it is. So what even is squirting?

SPEAKER_04 9:51

That's what I was gonna ask.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Okay, so squirting is the release of a clear fluid that passes through the urethra from the bladder as a result of the contracting of female erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra. That's a mouthful.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

So it's colorless, it's odorless, and can sometimes come gushing out in large quantities.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

It is not pea.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

No, it's not pea, first of all. But it shouldn't be confused with ejaculate either, which is a milky white substance similar to semen.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

So many different fluids.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

I know. So the ejaculate is produced in the skein's gland, which is also known as the female prostate. That's where the milky white comes from. Um so it's similar to what comes, you know.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

Got it.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 10:37

Ejaculate Milky White. Notice.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

So the skein's glands are embedded in the area around the urethra, also called the urethral sponge, which is where the so-called G spot is said to be located. Oh, this is hard to do this anatomy. Again, like maybe we'll put a diagram um in the notes here. But compared to squirting, ejaculate is a pretty small amount of fluid, usually. These two types of fluid expulsions can happen simultaneously, they can happen independently. So, needless to say, people often confuse the two or conflate them. Okay. Let's get on to the age-old question that you asked before. Is squirting P?

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

No, so okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:18

You flipped it.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

Let's we subverted everyone's expectation expectations that it actually is P.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

No, it's not, it's not P. So people, I mean, experts and non-experts alike really love to disagree on this. Really, truly.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

And since I want to stress that, I've actually heard both.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yeah, no, I mean, I've also heard both. And since any research having to do with the female body is many, many, many decades behind where it should be, we truly still don't know a hundred percent. That is we don't know with a hundred percent certainty.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

Crazy. How are we still discovering things?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

I know it's ridiculous, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:55

Yeah, I I I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Because nobody studies the at least not until recently, the female body, the female organs, that the parts of the body that are specific to females were not sexuality scared about female reproductive system, just female hormones, female, anything. They just it's they're not they're not studied the way so strange.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

So strange and tragic. Okay, so research lagged behind.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

If we had to undergo like any of the procedures that women get, even in a gynecologist's office, you would mention you would be like, I need to be put under.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

I would love them.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 12:30

I think stirrups are fascinating. Oh my god, devices.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

We really have gone quite finally off the rails.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

So squirting is not peak.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Okay, listen. Well, the truth is that some components of urine, like urea and creatinine. Creatinine? I'm terrible with the pronunciation. They have been found in squirting fluid, although in very, very tiny amounts. Okay. But it's a substance different from urine, despite some similarities. So I hate to bring it to you, but uh do you know what also travels through the urethra?

SPEAKER_04 13:04

Gravy.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Semen.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

And you don't hear anyone complaining about that one.

SPEAKER_04 13:09

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Yeah, exactly. So listen, I want to be clear, squirting is completely normal. It's not disgusting, it's not gross, and honestly, it can be sexy. It can be really, really sexy. And some women love it and say it feels extremely pleasurable.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

I agree. I I also think that from a male's perspective, this is a common thing that I there's i maybe it's an ego thing. A man getting a woman to squirt is like it's like a trophy. It's like, oh, I've achieved this additional thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

I understand that. But like it's a very heteronormative thing to say, and that's fine. But a lot of women still do feel a lot of shame or humiliation around any of their squirting experiences, which to be fair is unfortunate. You know, socially we have a lot of work to do around normalizing female pleasure, and clearly a lot of work to do around squirting. So, you know, if l listen, if a woman is into the idea of squirting, like more power to her and her partners. Of course. And anyone who can do it or can't, you know, just trying or whatever. But all people come to things in their own time.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Okay. And if your girlfriend isn't ready to be the beneficiary, if you're touted good techniques, then I suggest that you respect her decision.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

Absolutely. And I'm like, I don't think uh we were ever gonna get to that point where it was convincing a woman who didn't want to do this. No, of course. I just I yeah, I just wanted to echo the the caller's sentiment that I understand I have also had that desire that there is, I think there is a very heteroheronormative but um common feeling of uh you want you just want to see your partner have the most enjoyable possible expression of orgasm and joy and sexual pleasure, and squirting is the most definitive version of that because it's the it's the most according to some, like some may some may not think that.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

However, to your point, I think that it is important to focus on what I've said before, focus on the pleasure and giving your partner pleasure. If you're if your goal is to give your partner pleasure, the ultimate pleasure, that's one thing. But if your goal is to just make your partner squirt because you really want to feel cool, like that's that's a different, you know. I'm trying to not pass judgment here, but I just want you to focus on the things that make you feel connected to your partner and make sure you feel good and your partner feel good. And you know, there's myriad ways you can offer someone pleasure that don't involve a change of sheets.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

But he's really good at it.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

I'm sure he is, I'm sure he's great at it. It might be great.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

It's like it's like asking, you know, uh Alex Rodriguez to not you're right, to not play baseball. This is his this is his pro move.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Okay, I mean I think you're going a little overboard here. But either way, squirting is great. There's no for me, I think it's great. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

Have I ever made you squirt?

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Oh my god. I'm trying to think I actually don't know if you're not.

SPEAKER_04 16:02

I don't think so, actually, which is why when you say you you really enjoy it, I'm curious.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

I don't think you have. I'm blushing now. This is awful.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

I mean, I've never had to change our sheets after we're all taking that lunch.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Good point. Oh god, okay. Well, I guess we have some time.

SPEAKER_04 16:21

Yeah, I think we're gonna have uh I have I have some work to do. I have to take to take a class.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Thank you for listening to Love and the Layman. I'm your host, Samantha Raddock, and the layman is my wonderful husband, Jared Watson. Make sure to subscribe to the Love and the Layman podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Follow us on Instagram at LoveLayman Podcast, and there you can submit your questions. Feel free to type them out or leave us a voice note. And to learn more about what I do and the kind of coaching I offer, or to work with me directly, check out my website at Samantharadic.com. Love and the Layman is a production of junction audio. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.