What's the F**king Point(e)?

10 books that made me *DELUSIONAL* enough to start ballet at 27

• Veronica Vacanza • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Some days you’re all in, other days you’re asking yourself… What’s the F**king Point?

Whether you’re pursuing ballet as an adult or trying to follow a dream that feels uncertain or even slightly delusional, this episode is for those days!

These are the books that helped me SHIFT my mindset and REBUILD motivation, when I felt stuck, discouraged and ready to quit.

We’re talking about powerful reads like Atomic Habits, The Obstacle Is the Way, and The Artist’s Way, plus a few that go deeper into mental health, relationships, and understanding your own beautiful self!

---> WATCH "How I Became an 'Unpaid Professional' Dancer" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1dRcxeF_i4

---> WATCH Art Therapy Podcast about the Artist's Way https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn89sy8LI_I&t=3235s

Books mentioned:

If you’re an aspiring ballerina, an adult beginner, or just someone trying to stay committed to a dream that doesn’t come with instant results, these books will support you through all the sleepless nights.

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🩰 HI, I'M VERONICA VACANZA

Hi there! I'm Veronica, welcome to my beginner dance journey. When I was 17, I was told by a teacher that I would never be a ballerina. I let that thought control me for YEARS but now, in my late 20s, I moved to New York City and I'm finally starting ballet late. This is a space for me to document the ups and downs of learning how to do ballet in my now 30s and show the world that it's never too late to live your dreams.

Intro

Why Does He do That? by Lundy Bancroft

Big Magic by Liz Gilbert

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday

Feeling Great by David Burns

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Atomic Habits by James Clear

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

Spark by John J. Ratey

Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

SPEAKER_00

For the past several years, I've been trying to avoid the singular question that keeps coming back to my mind. What's the fing point? In so many ways, my life has been an absolute chaos spiral of hell. And it's been tough to stay motivated to overcome some of the things that I've been through. So these are the books that have helped change my life, completely transform my mindset, and get me through some of the darkest times of my life when all I kept asking myself was, what's the fing point? Hello, welcome back to What's the F Point? I'm your host, Veronica, and today we are gonna talk about some of my favorite books. I have a collection of books here that have gotten me through some really tough times in my life, and they've really aided me in creating a better mindset and using my struggles to kind of alchemize them into something even better, create an even stronger version of myself. So if you have been struggling in your life and you are not sure what to do, how to overcome all of it, you feel like you're being dragged down slowly all the time. A, you're not alone. B, don't take it from me. Don't take my advice because I'm still struggling. But I hope that you'll take some of the advice from this amazing wisdom. Like, books are so incredible. Can I just say that for a minute? Books are amazing. The fact that we have books, do you realize that we have so much free knowledge just all the time? And most people will never even engage with it, you know? Like the amount of times that I'm like, oh my gosh, I just read this incredible book. You have to read it, no one will, no one will do it. So we are just we're so lucky to have libraries, to have books, but I know you're different because you're here, you're listening to this podcast, and you're different. You just you have a different way of operating in the world, and I appreciate that. I appreciate you being here. So before we get into any of that, though, that does remind me if you're new here, hello, welcome, thanks for being here. Consider subscribing, maybe check it out. Ooh, you know, it's a pretty fun place to be. If you're on YouTube, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel where I post this podcast. And I also share a lot of vlogs, behind the scenes, dance diaries of what it's like to be an adult starting ballet for the first time ever. I share all the juicy details of my journey and the personal struggles I've been facing, all that jazz. So subscribe to my YouTube channel. And if you're listening to me in your ears, then follow the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you are listening to the sound of my voice. Okay, anyway, let's chit-chat about some of my favorite books. These are the books that have transformed me in such a big way. I owe so much to them, to the authors. So I hope that you'll find some of these helpful as well. The first book that I want to share with you is a book called Why Does He Do That? Now we're just jumping into like the deep dark stuff. I just have to tell you, I am one of those people that if you see me at a party, I'm probably gonna be in the corner just chatting it up with someone that I've never met before about like their deepest, darkest fears, desires, you know, what happened to them when they were three. That's just the kind of person I am. I don't like to beat around the bush. I don't like to tippy toe around things ironic, because now I'm a ballet dancer and I'm always on my tippy toes, but I just like to dive right in. So let's not beat around the bush. Let's get down to brass tacks. If you are struggling with the belief of what's the point, if you're feeling overwhelmed, or if you're really struggling and you're particularly struggling because of your relationship, I strongly recommend looking into this book. It's completely free. I will link it in the show notes or the description of this video if you're watching. So it's available to everyone. It is one of the books that has saved me so much from a lot of the abuse that I've faced in my life. You know, there's so many different forms of abuse, and I'm I would even eventually down the road love to do a whole podcast episode specifically about abuse because there's so many different forms, and I don't think that we give all of the forms enough credit. You know, abuse is not just cuts and bruises, there's psychological abuse, organizational abuse, mental, emotional, physical, verbal. There's so many different forms of abuse, and I have learned so much from this podcast that uh from this podcast, from this book that has explained to me what happened to me and how to avoid ever going through things like that again. It lays out such a clear picture of what you might be facing if this is something that maybe you're dealing with yourself, and it lays out a very clear picture of the minds of controlling people. It specifically goes into a lot of detail about controlling men, but I think that these concepts can be applied to the minds of people who just don't really see human beings as human beings, but rather as something to be controlled, manipulated, and it's sad, you know, it can be kind of heavy, but so maybe read it in doses. I've had to like read a chapter and then it kind of, you know, was difficult to get through, so I had to put it down and then come back to it when I felt a little better, and you know, all of that. But I think it explains a lot of why you might be feeling like you are completely losing yourself, losing your identity, not caring about the things that you used to care about. It might not necessarily all have to do with like a romantic relationship, but I just really encourage you to do some research. I think this should be recommended reading for everyone, especially women. Know your worth and understand that there are people out there who do not think like you. And to have a book that really lays out the way that certain people think and operate, which is so different from you if you're an empathetic, compassionate, like people-loving person. Not everyone is like that. Don't assume that everyone thinks the way that you think. That has been one of the hardest lessons that I've had to learn. Like I would never treat someone like that, or I would never talk to someone like that, or I would never do this. Okay, but there are people who will. And yeah, sorry, but we kind of all have to wake up to that a little bit, I guess. At least I had to. So yeah, strongly recommend that. And I think from a ballet perspective, I think it's very critical to know the mindset of some people out there because there are a lot of people in this industry who are perpetuating a vicious cycle of abuse and toxicity and just big, big problems. So I think if you're a ballet dancer especially, you will find this helpful because it can explain a lot of perhaps what you've dealt with in growing up in the industry or even entering the industry later in life. Very, very important information. So that's book number one is Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Book number two, on a little bit more of a light-hearted note, is the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Now, I am a self-help personal development junkie, but I think this book really bridges the gap between the personal development world and the more like creativity, woo-woo, spiritual kind of concept. So I really appreciate it. I love the way that she talks about ideas and inspiration and art in general. There's so much in this book that I've really taken to heart and have quoted or have, you know, really let shape a lot of the way that I operate in the world. So for days when you're kind of feeling like, oh man, what's the point? I think this is a really uplifting book and one that can kind of remind you of your creativity, your purpose as an artist on this earth, and give you a sense of inspiration again. Book number three is The Obstacle is the way. And this one I haven't actually finished yet, but it's really helped me in some of the darker times. I actually came across this book when I was in Barnes and Noble one day, and I was really feeling so down after everything that I've already been struggling with. I woke up in the morning. It was just truly one of the worst days of my life. I earlier that week had to put my cat Luna down, and that was extremely, extremely sad. It was just like such a huge loss. And then a few days later, just a few days later, this cat that I was taking care of, he sadly had a heart condition and he was really old, and I've taken care of him for for years, like since I moved to New York. And he passed away just a few days after putting my own cat down. And it was so upsetting, it was so traumatic. I don't remember why I ended up in Barnes and Noble, but I was just like walking around the city crying all day, and I was sitting in Barnes and Noble, and someone had just like put this book on a like a table next to me, and they, you know, they didn't want it anymore, and it just stuck out to me. I picked up this book, and it was really a good kick in the pants for like, hey, you know, we all struggle, we all go through it, but the most incredible, amazing people, the movers and shakers of the world, have learned how to take their pain and have it make them even stronger somehow, like alchemize it into even greater strength. And I just felt like it was kind of a little bit of a sign, like, hey, it's gonna be okay. You are struggling with so many obstacles, there are so many obstacles in your way, but you're gonna get through this, you're tough, you're strong, and you can actually come out even better and stronger on the other side. So if you're struggling with like, damn, dude, what is the point of any of this? Maybe that's a good book for you to pick up and feel a little bit like, okay, you know, I can do this, I can, I can do hard things. Okay, now another book that I strongly recommend is the book called Feeling Great by David Burns. And this is a really comprehensive guide on what CPTSD is and how it affects us, and how you can overcome CPTSD to start feeling great again in your life. Like practical tips, tools, and almost like a you know, a very psychology textbook style understanding of what's going on and how to overcome it. If you're not aware, CPTSD is complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and it's usually talked about in the context of childhood trauma, and this is something that I have been overcoming, exploring because of some situations that have happened to me in my adulthood, something that I've been really going over in therapy a lot. And when I first started to learn about CPTSD and all that stuff, I was hearing about it in the context of childhood trauma and all that, and I was just thinking, like, oh, that doesn't really apply to me. You know, my childhood was fine, this, that, and the third. But then I really started to unpack some things, and I realized that a lot of the reasons why the issues I've faced in my adulthood happened in the first place are because of the groundwork that was laid for me long, long ago as to what love looks like, and really set me up to just put up with a lot of stuff that I now recognize as extremely unhealthy, abusive, toxic behavior that slowly but surely I'm learning to undo and to advocate for myself and no longer put up with. You know, I think it's really helpful, even if, like, okay, let's say you just got out of, you know, a really like abusive relationship, right? Now you're in therapy, you're doing the work, you're reading, why does he do that? You know, you're doing all of these things to kind of get through all of that, but understanding that you might have ended up in that situation in the first place because of seeds that were planted, situations that you faced, um, issues that you endured much, much earlier than when this other person or these other people entered your life. So really great information, very helpful book. Mindset by Carol Dweck is one of my favorite books and probably hands down the most important book that I read in my 20s because it was the book that helped me realize that we are so capable. Like my whole passion for why I believe that we can accomplish things at any age, and why I even started ballet at the age of 27, and why I believe that adults have every right to do ballet really stems in a big way from this book. Because this book is all about the idea that we either have something called a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. And people with a fixed mindset are people who believe that their circumstances are fixed, that they're just not capable of learning, improving, growing, whatever. And those with a growth mindset believe that they are in control of their circumstances and that they can change and grow and continue learning, that there's always something to be learned and a new path. You know, basically it's kind of like, okay, are you solution-oriented or are you problem-oriented? Are you getting caught up on these roadblocks and getting stuck and believing that you're powerless, or are you believing that you can seek a solution? Now, it's not the answer to everything because I do feel like it's a little bit harder to adopt a growth mindset if, for example, you do have childhood trauma and you maybe have adopted a sort of learned helplessness and you struggle with confidence. It's gonna be hard to adopt a growth mindset because it's gonna be hard for you to believe that you can change your circumstances. But I think it's a really great entry point. It's a really great book for beginning to shift your mindset. And if it's something that you're really, really struggling to do, maybe that is a signal to you that you want to explore therapy or just dive a little bit deeper into why adopting a growth mindset is so difficult for you to do. Amazing book, highly recommend, and just so grateful to that book for helping me completely shift my mindset on being able to start things like ballet even as an adult. Another book within that same realm is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I feel like this book has been discussed at nauseam, so I really don't think I need to go too deep into it. It's definitely more within the self and personal development realm, which I absolutely love. On the off chance that you're not familiar with it, it is essentially all about how when we break things down, even the biggest of goals down to their teeny tiny little steps. It allows us to accomplish even amazing, completely out-of-the-box things that we never thought we would be able to accomplish. So I really love that book as someone who is a little bit more of a visionary, like especially when I was younger, I really did not have the skill. Like, I could see the big picture, I could see the big vision of something that I wanted to create or a goal that I wanted to accomplish, but I really struggled with the breakdown of okay, well, I know what I want, but how do I actually get there? So this book was really life-changing in that regard. And when you're facing an insurmountable task or a goal that feels so big it's scaring you or feels so impossible, and you're kind of starting to feel like, oh, you know, what's the point? Why should I even do this? How is this gonna happen? This book is your book. This book will help you understand how to break things down and understand that there is a point. There's nothing wrong with you if you struggle with follow-through. Maybe you just need to consider it from a little bit different of a vantage point. Now, another book within the self-helpy kind of realm is The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. I, for some reason, was kind of resistant to reading this book. I think I had read a Mel Robbins book years and years ago, and I maybe I would need to reread it, but I just remember not really having it resonate with me so much. So it was a little bit resistant to reading this new book, but then I started listening to her podcast, and I've really been enjoying the Mel Robbins show. And then I had like everyone, so many people in my life telling me that I needed to read this book, that it was so good. So I finally started reading it, and I was just like, wow, it really is. There are things that people are gonna do that upset you, frustrate you, confuse you, and it's just a great reminder that we are not in control of that as much as we would love to be. We are in control of ourselves, and she gives really practical tips and advice on this. One thing I really appreciate about Mel Robbins is how often she is willing to share the stories from her own life and really not like out herself, but like she just gets super vulnerable about like, yeah, sometimes I really struggle. These are the areas in my life that I haven't done the right thing. So I just feel like that's very helpful. It's very human. I really appreciate how human and vulnerable she is in that book and on her podcast. So strongly recommend that. Now, this is a book that I have referenced before, I believe, in my episode all about the seven things that might be secretly sabotaging you from the life that you really want. So I will leave that linked here or in the show notes down below. But this book is called Spark, and this book is really helpful to remind you of why it is important to get up, get off the couch, and go for a run, or go to ballet, or dance. Do whatever you need to do from like a physical standpoint, you know. Like I think sometimes when we get into that, oh, what's the point? What was me mode? One of the first things to go is physical exercise. And physical exercise, we know this, you know, like this is nothing new. We know that physical exercise is so important, but having a book that really lays out in a very clear, concise, scientific-backed way of like the impact that exercise and movement has on us, it just made me really proud to be a dancer because I don't know. I think some people who aren't dancers, like maybe they have to force themselves to go to the gym or find some other physical activity that they really enjoy. And I just feel like, wow, I feel so lucky to be a dancer because I get to have this physical practice that I enjoy so much that does wonders for me. And it is really impacting my creativity, my mental wellness. My cognitive abilities, like it's just fantastic. So very good book if you need a little boost, you know, you need a little convincing to get back to dance or get back to the gym or whatever the case may be. Great book for that. Now, this second to last book is one of my favorite books ever. Again, super, super life-changing book. It's called Turning Pro by Stephen Pressfield. I've actually done a whole video on this book specifically. Again, I will leave that linked here or down in the show notes. The concept of turning pro. I love all of Stephen Pressfield's books, but specifically this book about the concept of turning pro. He has a really great way of laying out the like the excuses that we give to ourselves and really breaking them down and reminding you of why none of that makes sense, why we need to just keep going with what we want. And he essentially explains the difference between an amateur's mindset and a professional's mindset. And so, you know, the amateur is someone who gives themselves a lot of excuses, they are focused on the wrong things, you know, all these things. But then the professional is the person who they show up every day without fail, come hell or high water. He uses the examples of writing a lot because he's a writer. So the amateur writer will be like, I don't have the right pen. I'm not feeling inspired today. And they essentially wait for inspiration to find them before they will go to the desk to work. Whereas a professional knows that inspiration is going to come to them when they do the work, when they show up at the desk. And even if they're not feeling inspired, they write anyway because throughout the process of writing, they are going to write more. So that is a really great book that has inspired me and changed my life in so many ways. I started my Instagram series, Day X of Becoming an Unpaid Professional Ballerina, and that is the book that inspired me to do that. I've done multiple videos now on the importance of becoming an unpaid professional. All of that is inspired by this book. And what I love about Stephen Pressfield's work is that it's all super short, super quick, super easy to understand. He uses layman's terms. It's simple, it's easy, and every single page is so packed with like a sucker punch to the gut that's like, yeah, dude, what am I doing? Like, why am I holding myself back from this? So, really incredible writer, really incredible books. I recommend all of his books, but Turning Pro is a great place to start. Also, that book is very special to me because that book, in a weird way, kind of helped me and my boyfriend fall in love with each other. But that's a story for another day. But uh, that book was kind of special in the blossom of our romance. So it's very near and dear to my heart. Now, my last final book, this is hands down the book that I honestly believe that I am a dancer because of this book. It's The Artist Way by Julia Cameron. You've probably heard of it, maybe you've even done it, but I did a podcast a few years ago with my friend Ferga. She actually reached out to me and said, Hey, I'm doing The Artist Way. Would you want to do it with me and would you want to create a podcast about it? That still lives on my channel, so you can essentially watch my dance career unfold for the first time by listening to that podcast. Because we did the artist way together. And if you're not familiar, it's a book that guides you through 12 weeks of prompts, exercises, and just like perception changes that help you get to the root of why you are blocked creatively, help you figure out what it is that you actually want, who you actually are as an artist, and help you follow through on all of that. And it was in doing the artist's way that I realized how important dance was to me and that I was majorly blocked creatively. It was just like so eye-opening, so game-changing. And ironically, one of my best friends had actually gifted me the copy of the book that I had for the longest time, and it just sat on my shelf. And it wasn't until Ferga asked if we could do this podcast together that I actually, you know, took the time to do it. And we did the whole 12 weeks together. We were accountability buddies the whole time. And you know, so it's a lot. The book asks a lot of you, but I think it would be so fun to do, like, you know, do the artist way again and have accountability buddies. You know, it's just like it's great, it's it's a great experience. You're learning together, you're growing together. What could be better? I have a ballerina book club in my adult ballet academy online program, and I have passively considered doing the artist's way together as part of that book club. So I don't know if I'll actually do that because it is, you know, it is a big task. But I think it would be awesome to do that program in community and really talk through the things that you're learning, you know, really hold each other accountable for those prompts. I know it was so life-changing for me. I'm excited to do it again. So yeah, I don't know, maybe maybe we'll do that in Adult Ballet Academy, but not sure. So, anyway, those are all of my books that I recommend for days when you are struggling with what's the point? What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? I have so many other books. Oh my gosh, I love to read. I I have so many other book recommendations that I could give you. But I hope these 10 books are a good starting point for you. Have you read any of them? Let me know. Let me know what you think of them, if they've helped you, if you plan to try reading any of them this year. Uh yeah, I think we're starting out the new year strong. And, you know, if you have a goal of reading more books this year, as a lot of us tend to do, then I hope you'll add some of these to the list. And I really hope they'll change your life the way that they've changed mine. So, anywho, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for watching. Thanks for commenting, subscribing, thanks for doing all the things, and I will see you very soon with another episode. But until then, don't forget that even when it feels like there isn't one, there's always a point. Okay, bye.