WEBVTT 00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:30.800 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:37.759 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:58.719 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:02.880 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:05.599 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:14.159 For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:21.200 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:26.719 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. 00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:34.959 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:39.760 Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:41.599 Honor your father and mother. 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:47.680 This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:56.879 Fathers, do not provoke your children to do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:28.240 Bond servants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart as you would Christ, not by the way of I service, as people pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever whatever good anyone does, that he uh this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or free. 00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:39.280 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he is both their master and yours in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him. 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:40.719 So reads God's word. 00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:41.759 Welcome to you. 00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:44.000 Uh, if you joined us while we were singing, my name is Mark. 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:46.319 I'm the lead pastor here at City Church. 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:49.680 You're very welcome if you're new or visiting with us. 00:02:50.080 --> 00:03:15.680 We are uh finishing off a six-week series that we have done through the book of Ephesians, looking at uh the nature of the church uh specifically, and uh we round it out with seeing how the work of Jesus and uh his spirit transforms uh various different relationships in the context of uh of the household. 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:22.639 Uh but the household uh is uh, or rather, Paul says elsewhere that the church is the household of uh of God. 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:30.319 Over the next uh two weeks, there's gonna be a little mini-series just by way of trailer, since we're in a movie theater. 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:47.039 Uh by way of trailer, there's a little mini-series for the next two weeks uh on uh on worship uh that Peter is going to be preaching through because I will be uh traveling for the next two Sundays, uh, not on vacation, uh, uh for uh for work commitments. 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:48.400 I'll be in the US. 00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:59.360 And then uh for uh the rest of the calendar year up until Christmas, we're going to be doing a uh a six-week series on the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:04.639 So that's where we're we're going, and then we'll get into another major book in January. 00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:15.120 I want you to be uh begin uh by picturing in your mind's eye, though, a fish swimming uh through through the ocean. 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:17.600 There's water on every side. 00:04:17.920 --> 00:04:25.439 That fish lives in the water, it sleeps in the water, it breathes oxygen through the water. 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:36.480 Yeah, one day it uh meets up with its fishy friends and says uh to the other fish, you don't believe in water, do you? 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:44.160 Water is what some fish use to control other fish. 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:50.879 Water has nothing to do with my life, it hasn't shaped how I live. 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:53.920 I think that water is utterly irrelevant. 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:59.199 And that's what people think about Christianity a lot of the time. 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:15.199 We swim in the waters of ideas that were laid down two thousand years ago that have shaped us through centuries of Christian influence, and we don't even realize it. 00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:43.759 We assume that things like the equality of men and women, the dignity of children, the rights of workers are just obvious truths, that they are so self-evidently natural parts of every human society, but they aren't natural at all. 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:53.040 In the ancient world, none of those convictions or ideas existed. 00:05:53.839 --> 00:06:00.000 Wives were considered to be property, not partners. 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:10.319 Children were disposable, with fathers holding absolute power and sway over the household. 00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:28.319 Slaves were tools, living possessions, and it is into that world that Paul writes Ephesians 5, 22 to 6.9, our text this morning. 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:31.600 And I would encourage you to have it open in front of you. 00:06:31.920 --> 00:06:44.240 Because I know that the first line that Colin read, if you're new here, maybe, or maybe if you're not new here, makes you go, oh, what's Mark going to say about that? 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:57.920 Into that world, Paul has introduced something utterly different, profoundly counter-cultural. 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:20.879 And in this section that Colin read, what Paul offers us are relationship dynamics that are not shaped by power, but shaped by love, by mutual honor under the lordship of Jesus. 00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:34.000 Where differences exist, they are differences of function, not of value, not of status. 00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:54.480 And where he addresses those who in the ancient culture are considered to be the powerful ones in Roman society, he calls them to die, to nurture, and to lead with mercy and integrity. 00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:13.120 We are so used to swimming in the waters that the New Testament, the Christianity, has created that we barely notice them, we barely notice the effect that it has had on our view of human relationships. 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:23.600 We take in the moral oxygen of Christianity and take it for granted, assuming that, well, this is just how decent people think. 00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:34.000 But the truth is that if you remove Jesus, you will eventually lose these values too. 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:55.919 It's part of the reason why you see uh something of a shift in kind of the um the popular atheists, Richard Dawkins, maybe Alex O'Connor as well, where they they actually they like the moral framework of Christianity, the cultural side of Christianity, but they struggle with the Jesus bits. 00:08:56.559 --> 00:09:06.000 Where I think that they're missing is that actually if you if you ditch Jesus, you will eventually continue to devolve morally culturally. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:21.200 And that's part of what we're seeing in our world, that there is a default back to power dynamics and treating others with suspicion because you think that all of our relationship dynamics are ones of power. 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:27.679 And so you're constantly thinking, what's this person, what's this group of people trying to get over on me? 00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:32.159 That's what we default back to as human beings. 00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:43.519 Because we have we are losing our appreciation for the cultural waters that Christianity has allowed us to swim in for the last 2,000 years. 00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:53.440 Our world, humanity, does not drift towards equality, it does not drift towards compassion or human dignity. 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:58.960 Those currents flow from Jesus. 00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:13.840 And Paul speaks in this passage of a radically different vision of human relationships than would have been true in ancient Rome or true today. 00:10:14.799 --> 00:10:23.600 In the verses just above that we haven't had time in this series to look at, he says in verse 18, be filled with the Spirit. 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:30.480 Verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ. 00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.679 And then he goes on to give these three examples. 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:52.639 These three examples are what it means for Christians, you and I, if you're followers, if you're a follower of Jesus here this morning, what it means for you to live a spirit-filled life in the world in the various relationship dynamics that you find yourself in. 00:10:53.840 --> 00:11:00.960 It is what it means to mutually submit to one another out of love for Jesus. 00:11:02.559 --> 00:11:07.679 And when Christ rules, his love replaces power. 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:14.080 Every relationship becomes a place where his goodness shines. 00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:28.799 So Paul gives us these three ordinary spaces, ordinary spaces where the extraordinary grace of Jesus is meant to be seen. 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:32.799 Marriage, family, work. 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.200 Let's walk through each of them. 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.799 First point. 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:43.279 Let Christ's love shape your marriage. 00:11:44.240 --> 00:11:46.559 Let Christ's love shape your marriage. 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:54.720 And if you're not yet married, can I can can I encourage you not to uh tune out until I get to points two and three? 00:11:54.799 --> 00:12:04.559 Because one of the things that we'll see is that marriage points beyond itself to what Jesus uh is doing in the context of the church and how he relates to his church. 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:10.799 So even if this is not immediately uh relevant, you might think it actually is. 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:31.840 Now, as I've already alluded to, we read verse 22, and you can almost hear the eyes rolling in the room because what we think is that Paul is picking on wives by addressing them first. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:42.399 We mistakenly think that Paul is speaking to the quote-unquote lesser party, right, first. 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:49.200 But in each of these couplets, he is doing something quite subversive. 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:57.759 In addressing wives, children, and servants or slaves first, he is doing two things. 00:12:57.919 --> 00:13:01.600 First thing that he's doing, he's elevating their status, right? 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:10.240 He's not just talking to the men and going, here's how you need to keep your wives, your children, and your slaves in line. 00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:11.200 No, no. 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:16.080 He elevates their status, says, wives, let's have a conversation, right? 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:17.919 Children, let's talk. 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:20.720 Bondservants, I have things to say to you. 00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:23.360 He is elevating their status by addressing them first. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:24.639 That's the first thing you need to see. 00:13:24.879 --> 00:13:38.799 Second thing that you need to see is he is treating those groups of people as people who have moral agency, as people who have the ability to act of their own right and volition. 00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:47.679 Again, a remarkable idea in the ancient world that you sit here and go, well, of course a wife has moral agency. 00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:48.879 What are you talking about? 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:59.679 The reason why you think that is because you grew up in the waters of 2,000 years of Christian Pauline thought. 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:16.720 When he says wives submit to your husbands, Paul is not making a value distinction between men and women or calling for all women to be subject to all men. 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:29.440 Rather, he is inviting women who are the equal of men in status, being, value, worth, dignity, honor. 00:14:30.399 --> 00:14:43.840 He is inviting women to voluntarily enter into the God-given, God-ingrained design and order that there is within creation. 00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:51.360 Where submission does not mean inferiority, and where authority does not mean tyranny. 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:56.720 And we will unpack that a little bit more. 00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:05.759 But before we do, I want you to note that much more time in this passage is given to the role of the husband. 00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.039 Did you notice that? 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:13.519 That much more time is given spent addressing how the husband should act. 00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:14.480 Why? 00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:19.279 Because the husband's more important, so he gets more words. 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:21.519 Is he worthy of that? 00:15:21.679 --> 00:15:23.840 No, that is not what is going on. 00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:31.440 It is because, if anything, what Paul is saying to husbands requires more of a paradigm shift. 00:15:32.639 --> 00:15:35.679 And so it requires more unpacking. 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:47.600 Husbands, by nature, tend towards one of two extremes. 00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:55.519 They can tend towards dominance or abdication. 00:15:56.720 --> 00:16:06.720 Dominance seeks to exercise power over those around them, removing agency from their wives. 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:11.759 Abdication is checking out. 00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:19.600 That's exactly what Adam said in Genesis 3. 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:21.440 Those are his words. 00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:24.480 The snake said to Adam, What do you think, Adam? 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:26.480 And Adam said, Well, happy wife, happy life. 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:27.919 She wants the apple. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:29.759 Pretty sure that's in my verse. 00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:31.360 Is that not one in yours? 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:35.200 Adam abdicates responsibility. 00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:39.279 He checks out, he goes for the path of least resistance. 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:43.919 And that is something that we tend towards. 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:47.919 We are sons of Adam in that regard. 00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:58.960 Paul says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ has loved the church. 00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:01.679 How is it that Christ loved the church? 00:17:01.919 --> 00:17:04.079 He gave himself up for her. 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:06.960 He laid down his life. 00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:10.799 Voluntary self-sacrifice. 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.759 That is not dominance, nor is that abdication. 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:30.799 Does that mean that what Paul is saying is that husbands are equal to Jesus in the marriage dynamic? 00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:32.400 No. 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:53.519 Paul is essentially saying, husbands, guys, if Jesus can lay down his life for his bride who is not his equal, how much more can you die daily for your wife who is your equal? 00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:57.440 Technically, it's called an argument from the greater to the lesser. 00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.960 If Jesus can do this for his church, you can do it for your wife, who is your equal, right? 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:08.160 Husbands, be careful here. 00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:17.519 There is a difference between you being the leader of your home and seeing yourself as the Lord's anointed in your home. 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:32.400 Nevertheless, the kind of loves that the kind of love that husbands are to have is Christ-like, self-sacrificial, self-forgetting, other person-centered. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:40.079 A love that pursues the good, flourishing holiness of his wife. 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:45.200 That means, dear brothers, that there is no room for dominance. 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:56.160 In a culture where wives were property, Paul calls husbands to die for their wives for the pursuit of their good. 00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:01.039 But also, dear brothers, there is no room for abdication. 00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:06.960 Paul uses this analogy of caring for our own body. 00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:15.279 And you're saying here that when it comes to our own body, we don't tend to abdicate care of it, though we can do from time to time. 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.079 But by and large, the point holds. 00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:26.240 We feed ourselves, we wash ourselves, usually, we tend to our needs. 00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:33.039 And so your care of your wife is to be like that. 00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:39.680 It needs time, it needs attention, it needs service and care. 00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:49.759 To love our wives in this Christ-like way is to nourish and care for ourselves. 00:19:51.359 --> 00:20:12.319 And so it is in the context of these two equals where one is called to die every day for the other, encouraged to pursue the holiness of the other, where Paul writes to wives and says, wives, submit to your husbands. 00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:14.720 Follow their lead. 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:32.799 This submission is not subjugation, but a voluntary yielding flowing from being filled with the Spirit of Christ, who yielded himself to his father's will, who yielded himself in obedience. 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:40.400 They voluntarily yield to help and to encourage, to labor alongside. 00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:45.920 Why was Eve taken and made from a rib? 00:20:46.559 --> 00:21:02.640 Well, because wives are not supposed to be back here in subjugation, nor out here in uh in dominance, but alongside. 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:04.880 In partnership. 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:11.519 Asymmetrical, different in role, equal in dignity, partnership. 00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:23.519 Because together this dynamic of loving service and faith-filled love points beyond itself. 00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:29.279 It points like a photograph points to reality. 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:36.880 Marriage is the photograph that points to the true reality of Christ's relationship with his church. 00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:41.519 Jesus pursued her good. 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:46.400 He served her by dying to redeem her. 00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:50.799 He loves her still and is loyal to her. 00:21:55.920 --> 00:22:02.240 This is the fundamental reality that all of us, whether married or single, Participate in. 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:08.400 It is the essential relationships, essential relationship to which all marriages point to. 00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:21.680 And so there is great dignity in us all together, whether married or not yet married, in knowing that we participate in this grand eternal relationship. 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:27.119 Husbands are not, you are not called to rule your wife. 00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:30.960 You are called to reflect Christ to your wife. 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.880 How does your leadership look like Jesus' love? 00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:37.440 Is it patient? 00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:40.079 Is it self-sacrificial? 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:42.160 Is it nourishing? 00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:49.440 Wives, you are not submitting to male superiority. 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:52.799 No, you are trusting Christ's wisdom. 00:22:54.720 --> 00:23:00.480 How might your trust encourage and help your husband as he seeks your good? 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:05.599 As he seeks your spiritual flourishing and your holiness. 00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:13.920 You see, when Christ rules our marriages, love looks like sacrifice instead of control. 00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:22.000 Next, Paul turns to the relationship between parents and children. 00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:27.440 Another place where power once ruled, grace now reigns. 00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:32.480 And so, secondly, let Christ's grace shape your family life. 00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:42.000 One of the joys of growing up as a church is that there's a growing number of children around us. 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:48.400 More of us are becoming parents for the first time, second time, in some of us for the third time. 00:23:49.359 --> 00:24:05.839 And with more children and entering into that season of parenthood, there is no end of one, the advice towards how we should act, and two, the anxiety and second guessing, thinking that we're messing our children up. 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:13.759 And then, of course, many of us are still of an age where our parents are still living. 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:27.680 And so there's the issue of how we ought to relate to our parents now that now that we're all grown up and becoming parents ourselves, and perhaps for some of us, our parents aren't believers, and what does it mean to honor them? 00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:29.440 Lots of questions. 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:36.079 Again, Paul's statement is surprising in a number of ways. 00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:45.119 He treats children as people with responsibility, as moral agency, as people who have a responsibility to Jesus. 00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:45.759 You see that? 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:48.640 Children obey your parents in the Lord. 00:24:48.960 --> 00:25:04.640 But the reason why our children obey us is not because I am Lord of my little domain over in Castle Knight, but because my children are followers of Jesus and that they have an obligation, a responsibility to confer to him. 00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:11.039 It's an opportunity for discipleship, not just an opportunity for them to pick up the Lego off the floor. 00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:18.640 Just as an example that immediately comes to mind. 00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:37.200 Now, obviously, this is different at different stages of our child's development and growth, where obedience is encouraged as an act of discipleship, not just simply a demand for a quieter day or a tidier house. 00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:43.519 Paul then quotes the commandment: honor your father and mother. 00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:56.960 As we grow older and become adults, our obedience as children may fade, but our honor of them does not. 00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:07.119 Even if our parents don't share our faith, we should prayerfully seek the wisdom to know how best to honor them. 00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:27.839 In some cases where obedience to Jesus demands that we must sadly go against their wishes, out of obedience to Christ, we do so cautiously, reverently, with a desire, with tone in our mouths that seek to honor. 00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:32.079 Then he adds the promise. 00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:36.160 See that in 6 verse 2, honor your father and mother, brackets. 00:26:36.319 --> 00:26:41.440 This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you, and you may live long in the land. 00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:43.200 What does he mean by that? 00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:48.480 Well, he's incentivizing obedience. 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:55.759 He's encouraging us because often what we can think is that Christian obedience is a case of merely doing your duty. 00:26:56.079 --> 00:27:03.279 Paul wonderfully here reminds us that God's laws are good for us. 00:27:04.079 --> 00:27:12.480 God's ordering of his world is a good thing, whether actually or not you believe in the God who made them. 00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:18.000 To live under his good rule is good for you. 00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:25.119 And so Paul is saying that it's not just a case of just doing your duty, it is in fact a doorway to blessing. 00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:30.400 Of course, there's still suffering and pain that we all face in this world. 00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:40.079 But to live consciously under God's good rule leads, by and large, to our flourishing. 00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:43.599 Now he addresses parents. 00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:46.799 I did not enjoy writing this section. 00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:53.119 He addresses parents with a negative command and a positive encouragement. 00:27:53.759 --> 00:28:05.440 And together they paint a picture of a father or father and mother that are self-controlled and patient guides of their children. 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:15.039 The command to fathers in verse 4, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger is a command. 00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:29.359 Another translation says, Do not lead your children into settled resentment. 00:28:31.279 --> 00:28:34.240 Where they end up just resenting you and your faith. 00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:38.880 They end up resenting Jesus because of how you have acted. 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:43.519 How might we do that? 00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:46.400 Those of us who are parents. 00:29:05.279 --> 00:29:06.880 It says much more, doesn't it? 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:11.440 About it says much more about where I'm at than where my kids are at. 00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:12.960 Doesn't it? 00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:18.720 Or with ridicule, mockery, shaming. 00:29:20.640 --> 00:29:27.279 This communicates to our children not that they did something wrong, but that they are something wrong. 00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:38.000 Children who experience only harshness often learn to fear authority rather than to trust it. 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:52.559 A Christ-like parent corrects firmly but tenderly, remembering that our Heavenly Father's discipline is indeed kind to us. 00:29:53.839 --> 00:30:03.359 Another way that we can exasperate our child children is through inconsistency, hypocrisy, or injustice. 00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:08.559 The parents who say, Do as I say, not as I do. 00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.480 It erodes credibility, doesn't it, over time? 00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:17.359 Inconsistent boundaries confuse our children. 00:30:17.519 --> 00:30:22.160 One day harsh, the next day permissive because you just can't be bothered. 00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:27.759 Hypocrisy breeds cynicism in the hearts of our children. 00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:31.839 And that cynicism easily hardens into anger. 00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:38.240 We can exasperate or create resentment in our children through control. 00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:43.119 And sometimes control can look like over-protection. 00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:49.680 Micromanaging every decision, never allowing independence. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:54.880 All of it sends the message of I don't really trust you. 00:30:57.680 --> 00:31:05.039 You see, you can you can either prepare the path for your children, or you can prepare your children for the path. 00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:12.079 Lots of parents out of fear and anxiety want to remove all of the obstacles out of the way. 00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:17.039 They're preparing the path rather than preparing the child. 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.079 Do you see? 00:31:19.279 --> 00:31:20.880 You think, well, it's because I love it. 00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:21.359 Yes. 00:31:21.519 --> 00:31:22.880 Yes, I understand. 00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:34.160 But that overprotection that is born of fear can stifle the maturity that making mistakes and learning from them creates. 00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:37.519 And it can lead to rebellion. 00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:42.799 Even when it is a protection that is smothered in love. 00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:47.039 Our Heavenly Father gives us freedom within boundaries. 00:31:48.160 --> 00:32:06.640 Parents mirror, excuse me, parents mirror his heart when they gradually, sensibly, wisely, prayerfully, entrust responsibility, training their child to walk by faith, to let go of our hand and to take Jesus' hand. 00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:18.720 We can exasperate our children through neglect, through absence as much as aggression. 00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:29.039 The parent who is too busy, too distracted, too unavailable leaves the child hungry for care, for affirmation. 00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:34.400 Presence matters, affirmation matters. 00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:43.359 Tell your children that you are proud of them, not just because they have done something to merit your pride, but because of who they are. 00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:50.000 I actually quite hate it when I say to my middle child, I'm proud of you, bud. 00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:52.000 And he goes, but why? 00:32:53.279 --> 00:32:59.519 Because he thinks that my pride in him should come from something that he has done. 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:03.519 Not by the fact that he is my son and I delight in him. 00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:07.759 Think of Jesus' baptism. 00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:13.680 Jesus is there in the waters of baptism, and heaven is ripped open. 00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:16.079 And the father speaks from heaven, and what does he say? 00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:21.680 He says, You are my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased. 00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:26.079 Jesus is baptized at the start of his earthly ministry. 00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:31.599 In terms of his earthly ministry, he hasn't done anything. 00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:37.279 And the father says, You are the son that I love. 00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:41.039 I delight in you eternally. 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:45.759 I really need to pick it up. 00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:53.440 We can exasperate our children through unrealistic expectations or perfectionism. 00:33:54.960 --> 00:34:07.599 Comparison with siblings or impossible standards wear a child down, it teaches them that they that they're that your love must be earned. 00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:11.039 This is the opposite of the gospel of grace. 00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:16.559 The gospel liberates families from performance-based love. 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:26.960 Our children should feel that they can fail in our house and still be embraced because that's what grace feels like. 00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:33.760 As I said at the start of this, I do not write this in any sense of judgment. 00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:37.360 I feel desperately convicted by some of the things that I have written. 00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:40.079 But do you know what? 00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:50.239 One of the most powerful discipleship tools that we have as parenting is not perfection, but repentance. 00:34:52.480 --> 00:35:00.880 When a parent says, I was wrong, I shouldn't have said that, or in that way, or I am sorry that I got so angry. 00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:02.880 Please forgive me. 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:07.679 This is where the gospel becomes visible at home. 00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:12.880 And then Paul gives the positive contrast. 00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:14.320 He says, Bring them up. 00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:22.719 Literally nourish them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:29.679 Discipline and instruction is training, guiding, correcting. 00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:36.559 You need to train our children means to give structure, boundaries, teach wisdom, not control. 00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:49.599 To instruct them means to give them truth, words that reveal Christ's heart, that help them to see more of Him, to see the world through His eyes. 00:35:50.000 --> 00:36:05.280 To guide them means giving them your presence as a follower of Jesus, to walk alongside them so that they can see that the gospel is something that is lived, not just something that is preached. 00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:23.760 And then finally, with the few minutes that we have left, he turns to slaves and masters, workers and employees, or sorry, employees and bosses, and he says, Let Christ's lordship shape your work. 00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:30.960 Bond servants in the ancient world came from every walk of life. 00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:37.679 I would encourage you not quite to think of um the kind of North American slave trade. 00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:44.480 Slaves uh were um oftentimes uh better treated in the ancient world. 00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:54.719 It was a uh it was sometimes a temporary state, and oftentimes bondservants, slaves were educated people, like doctors. 00:36:54.880 --> 00:37:03.440 Luke, who wrote the Gospel of Luke in the book of Acts, was likely a bondservant and a trained medical doctor. 00:37:05.119 --> 00:37:10.719 Nonetheless, they were considered to be property, they could be inherited or bought. 00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:15.840 And here again, Paul dignifies them as workers. 00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:29.840 Where the ancient world addressed them as property, he addressed them as moral agents, and that their service, however humble, is sacred and is to be done for the Lord. 00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:42.320 And one of the things that that teaches us, friends, whatever your work is, is that Christ's Lordship, if you're a follower of Jesus, Christ's Lordship makes your work holy. 00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:50.320 Every task, however mundane, becomes a stage for worship. 00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:57.280 Paul says to uh obey your uh earthly masters with fear and trembling. 00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:00.960 And again, that's another thing that, oh, what does he mean by by that? 00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:14.000 But it isn't anxiety, but rather a reverent seriousness, an awareness that Christ, not their master, not your boss, is the true Lord. 00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:20.000 So we are to work with diligence and with integrity and with excellence. 00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:26.559 And then he says, whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord. 00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:40.239 What great reassurance for the bondservant of the ancient world to say to them that Christ sees and every unseen act by your earthly masters is seen by him and will in the end be rewarded by him. 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:42.960 So work for the audience of one. 00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:50.320 Work for the glory of the Lord Jesus, work with integrity and joy, as though you are serving Christ Himself. 00:38:51.199 --> 00:39:02.559 And so the spreadsheet that awaits you tomorrow morning, or the classroom, the patient, the customer who walks in and they're a regular, and you just know that they've come to complain. 00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:05.679 All our opportunities for worship. 00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:10.639 Tomorrow's workplace is your altar. 00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:20.960 Amazingly, he then turns to masters and he says, You do the same. 00:39:21.360 --> 00:39:26.559 You're an equal to your bondservant, to your slave, to your employee. 00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:30.960 Because you have a master too who is in heaven. 00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:40.719 Masters' bosses are to do good, to be managers with integrity and with justice, to lead without threatening. 00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:43.599 See, he says, stop your threatening. 00:39:44.400 --> 00:40:03.039 Same as fathers and husbands, differences of position, differences of authority and role, but all are no excuse for abuses of power or of threats for employers, managers, leaders of teams amongst us. 00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:09.679 We treat the people who we work alongside as image bearers, not instruments. 00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:18.320 We see employees as people to serve, and to serve alongside rather simply as tools to use. 00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:27.119 We are to lead with gentleness, fairness, accountability, remembering that we too have a master who is in heaven. 00:40:27.360 --> 00:40:31.760 We must ask ourselves as we walk in to tomorrow's team meeting. 00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:39.440 Would those who work under me say that my lordship reflects the kindness of Jesus? 00:40:41.280 --> 00:40:44.159 Replace intimidation with inspiration. 00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:51.599 Offer praise publicly and correction privately, be quick to thank, slow to criticize. 00:40:53.280 --> 00:41:04.480 For the Christian leader, the question isn't so much how much power do I have, but how can I use the power that I have in a way that Jesus did to lift others up. 00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:18.559 You see, brothers and sisters, when Christ rules our life, when we are filled with the Spirit, everything changes. 00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:21.920 Every relationship is transformed. 00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:28.800 Love replaces power, grace replaces fear, work becomes a place of worship. 00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:32.719 The gospel doesn't erase our differences, it redeems them. 00:41:32.960 --> 00:41:37.760 Husbands and wives learn to serve instead of compete. 00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:41.599 Parents and children learn grace instead of control. 00:41:42.239 --> 00:41:47.039 Leaders and workers learn reverence instead of rivalry. 00:41:48.239 --> 00:41:50.320 And it's all because of Jesus. 00:41:51.119 --> 00:42:09.199 The bridegroom, the son, the master, who loved us when we were unlovely, who obeyed perfectly when we were far from home, who served us even unto death on a cross. 00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:27.280 And now he is risen and he fills all people with his spirit, so that the ordinary spaces of the kitchen table or the break room in work become living parables of his redeeming love. 00:42:28.559 --> 00:42:43.519 And so as you go this morning and as you go into another week, as you relate in your home with your children, or in your workplace with your colleagues, love as you have been loved. 00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:46.320 Serve as you have been served. 00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:56.000 Seek to honor Him in every relationship until the day where every household finds its home in him. 00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:16.719 If you found this helpful or want to know more about City Church Dublin, visit our website found in the links below.