SPEAKER_00: So if you want to turn to Proverbs chapter 15 in your own Bibles.
SPEAKER_00: Soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
SPEAKER_00: The tongue of the wise commands knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
SPEAKER_00: The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.
SPEAKER_00: A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness is in it breaks the spirit.
SPEAKER_00: A fool despises his father's instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
SPEAKER_00: In the house of the righteous there is much treasure, but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
SPEAKER_00: The lips of the wise spread knowledge, not so the heart of fools.
SPEAKER_00: The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
SPEAKER_00: The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but he loves him who pursues righteousness.
SPEAKER_00: There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way.
SPEAKER_00: Whoever hates reproof will die.
SPEAKER_00: Shoal and Abaddon lie open before the Lord, how much more the hearts of the children of man.
SPEAKER_00: A scoffer does not like to be reproved, he will not go to the wise.
SPEAKER_00: A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but so but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
SPEAKER_00: The heart of him who has an understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
SPEAKER_00: All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
SPEAKER_00: Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it.
SPEAKER_00: Better is a dinner of herbs, where love is where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
SPEAKER_00: A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
SPEAKER_00: The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.
SPEAKER_00: A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.
SPEAKER_00: Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense, but a man who have understanding walks straight ahead.
SPEAKER_00: Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
SPEAKER_00: To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is.
SPEAKER_00: The path of life leads upward for the prudent, that he may turn away from shoal beneath.
SPEAKER_00: The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but maintains the widow's boundaries boundaries.
SPEAKER_00: The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure.
SPEAKER_00: He ever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live.
SPEAKER_00: The heart of the righteous righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouths of the wicked pours out evil things.
SPEAKER_00: The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
SPEAKER_00: The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.
SPEAKER_00: The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.
SPEAKER_00: Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
SPEAKER_00: The fear of the Lord is instruction and wisdom, and humility comes before honor.
SPEAKER_00: And so it reads God's word.
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to you if you joined us while we're singing.
SPEAKER_01: My name is Mark.
SPEAKER_01: I'm one of the pastors here at City.
SPEAKER_01: And if you're new or visiting, I know some of you are, you're very welcome here this morning at City Church.
SPEAKER_01: We are uh in the book of Proverbs, as you noted from our from our reading.
SPEAKER_01: Up until uh Easter time, we were walking quite systematically through Proverbs 1 to 9, through those speeches of the father to the son or daughter, those poems and songs of wisdom.
SPEAKER_01: And then from chapter 10 onwards, really till around about chapter 30, you get in kind of the proverbial sayings proper.
SPEAKER_01: And so what we have done for the next kind of six or seven weeks is we're working thematically through the book of Proverbs.
SPEAKER_01: And we're looking today at the theme of criticism or uh or conflict.
SPEAKER_01: We looked at words last week and how we can use our speech wisely.
SPEAKER_01: And then today, looking at this idea of criticism, because, well, the Bible knows, the book of Proverbs knows that criticism is something that's going to come our way.
SPEAKER_01: And and so God wants to help us respond to it wisely.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, how do you respond to it?
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you may be one of one of three creatures.
SPEAKER_01: When criticism comes, are you a are you a porcupine?
SPEAKER_01: So somebody criticizes, critiques, challenges you, and so the bristles go up.
SPEAKER_01: You get ready to defend yourself, ready to attack.
SPEAKER_01: The legal team inside your head uh comes up with 15 reasons why they're wrong and you are right.
SPEAKER_01: You go porcupine.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you go turtle, criticism comes and you shrink away, you go quiet, and you stew on what they've said.
SPEAKER_01: You might not respond, but it's eating away at you.
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you go chameleon in order to avoid more criticism.
SPEAKER_01: You seek to blend in.
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to rock the boat anymore, you just want to look like the environment around you.
SPEAKER_01: In case you didn't realize, I'm a porcupine.
SPEAKER_01: All right, that's my confession this morning.
SPEAKER_01: We'll uh go around the room a little bit later and you can confess yours.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Uh Philippo will confirm that I am a porcupine.
SPEAKER_01: The bristles go up.
SPEAKER_01: I don't like it.
SPEAKER_01: Uh I get immediately defensive, and then I maybe go away and think about it a little bit more.
SPEAKER_01: Because criticism stings.
SPEAKER_01: Like all criticism hurts even if it's well-intentioned.
SPEAKER_01: Criticism from a family member, that's the worst, right?
SPEAKER_01: Because they're the people who know us best, they're the people who know us warts and all.
SPEAKER_01: And so if you if you're one of uh the people like me who doesn't come from a church-going kind of Christian family, what's the what's the uh the go-to attack or criticism?
SPEAKER_01: And you call yourself a Christian, right?
SPEAKER_01: They know where to they know where to get you because they know you the best.
SPEAKER_01: Or that online comment that makes you think, this person doesn't even know me.
SPEAKER_01: They have no idea what else is going on, they've no idea of the other context, and yet they've said this online or put this post up or put this comment on my on my ex feed or on my Facebook feed or on Instagram.
SPEAKER_01: Lots of criticism can be unkind.
SPEAKER_01: Lots of criticism can be badly motivated, and some of it's just like outright wrong.
SPEAKER_01: But every now and again, criticism comes not motivated by hostility, not motivated by a desire to tear down, but out of a desire by the person to help us grow.
SPEAKER_01: But it still hurts.
SPEAKER_01: It still makes me porcupine and maybe makes you turtle or might make you chameleon.
SPEAKER_01: So, how can we be wise when wounded?
SPEAKER_01: That's what we're looking at this morning.
SPEAKER_01: How can you be wise when you've been wounded by criticism or critique?
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs this morning, chiefly in chapter 15, though we'll move around a little bit.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs this morning is going to help us through four different movements on how to be wise as we face criticism.
SPEAKER_01: The first is this restrain the reflex.
SPEAKER_01: Restrain the reflex.
SPEAKER_01: This is maybe primarily for you porcupines out there, okay?
SPEAKER_01: So this is this was a bit of kind of therapy for me in the study this week.
SPEAKER_01: Restrain the reflex.
SPEAKER_01: Have a look at Proverbs 15, verse 1.
SPEAKER_01: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
SPEAKER_01: See how we respond in the immediate aftermath of a bit of criticism has a huge influence on how the rest of the conversation, on how the rest of the situation is going to pan out.
SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that we need to note here is that when criticism comes, we have a choice about what we're going to bring to the conversation in response.
SPEAKER_01: Are we going to bring water to that fire, or are we going to bring petrol or gasoline if you're American, right?
SPEAKER_01: Are you going to bring water, soothe things down, cool things down, try and see what's really going on?
SPEAKER_01: Or are you going to bring something that's more inflammatory?
SPEAKER_01: You're going to immediately strike back, immediately defend.
SPEAKER_01: And then everybody's going into their separate corners and they're entrenching their positions.
SPEAKER_01: And it's very hard to work out what's actually true and what's not, and what's helpful and what's not, and how to actually grow in it.
SPEAKER_01: Chapter 15 also says, down in uh sorry, in down in verse 18, a hot-tempered man does what?
SPEAKER_01: Stirs up strife, or a hot-tempered woman stirs up strife.
SPEAKER_01: But he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs twelve also says this in verse sixteen that fools show their annoyance at once.
SPEAKER_01: But the prudent overlook an insult.
SPEAKER_01: The wise, the prudent, they're able to overlook an insult.
SPEAKER_01: They're able to absorb some heart and move on.
SPEAKER_01: And where this goes, it's the first battle when we're facing criticism is not with the person that's criticizing you.
SPEAKER_01: It's with your own heart.
SPEAKER_01: It's with yourself.
SPEAKER_01: It's with those immediate reflex responses.
SPEAKER_01: I have come to realize over the course of the last maybe six or eight months that my own personal process of sanctification is a tortoise and hair race between the old mark, the mark of the flesh, and the mark that God by his spirit is transforming into the image of Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: The mark, the old mark, the mark of the flesh, he's the hair.
SPEAKER_01: Criticism comes and he's off like a shot, right?
SPEAKER_01: He wants to fire back, he wants to write the and another thing sort of email, right?
SPEAKER_01: And the new man that God's making, he's he's slower, he's more considerate, but he's a plodder.
SPEAKER_01: And he keeps on moving in the same sort of direction.
SPEAKER_01: And what I find is actually, if I'm able to give the plodding, spirit-fueled new man that God's making, if I can give him a little bit of time and a little bit of space, he will get there, but I need to restrain the reflex.
SPEAKER_01: I need to let my old man, I need to divert him off the track.
SPEAKER_01: We'll come to a couple of ways about how I do that in just a second.
SPEAKER_01: But the first battle that we face is not with the person, but with ourselves.
SPEAKER_01: Do we immediately fire back with how upset we are?
SPEAKER_01: Or can you take a breath before you blast?
SPEAKER_01: What's more, Proverbs 12, Proverbs 12 actually pushes us a little bit further.
SPEAKER_01: Because wisdom actually often means not pursuing a bunch of stuff.
SPEAKER_01: Not being like a dog with a bone with every slight criticism.
SPEAKER_01: It's knowing when to speak and when to let stuff go.
SPEAKER_01: Or it might just be that issue just isn't all that big and you're having a bad day.
SPEAKER_01: The teacher thinks that this is an important idea, this idea of learning to let stuff go, and so he repeats it again later.
SPEAKER_01: In Proverbs 19, he says this in verse 11.
SPEAKER_01: He says, It is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
SPEAKER_01: And not just kind of, oh well, I've got to kind of suck it up and absorb this heart, and I get I get nothing in in return, and nobody's seen that I've absorbed this hurt.
SPEAKER_01: No, no, what's the teacher say?
SPEAKER_01: It's to your glory, it's to your credit, it's a sign of the Holy Spirit working in your life.
SPEAKER_01: It's a sign, an outward picture that you actually are being transformed more into the image of Jesus, that you're able to overlook one an offense, that you're able to overlook that and absorb hurt.
SPEAKER_01: Because what could be more Christ-like, right?
SPEAKER_01: Than to absorb hurt, to absorb offense and not pay back, not seek vengeance, not seek retribution, but to take it into yourself.
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that what Jesus did?
SPEAKER_01: It is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
SPEAKER_01: That of course, like we are in the in the realm of wisdom and not of law.
SPEAKER_01: And so, of course, there are times when things should not be let go.
SPEAKER_01: And we'll come to look at that a little bit more in a second.
SPEAKER_01: But sometimes, every now and again, being wise when wounded means absorbing heart for the sake of peace.
SPEAKER_01: Do you remember how God describes his own character?
SPEAKER_01: God describes his his nature, his character to Moses in the book of Exodus.
SPEAKER_01: And what's one of the things that he says about himself?
SPEAKER_01: The Lord, the Lord, the gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger.
SPEAKER_01: Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
SPEAKER_01: So to grow in wisdom in this way is to become more like God Himself.
SPEAKER_01: Slow to anger.
SPEAKER_01: Here's how I did, okay?
SPEAKER_01: I write emails that I don't send.
SPEAKER_01: I show them to Philippa, and she becomes my therapist in that moment.
SPEAKER_01: She's like, yeah, like I get that, but don't click send on that one.
SPEAKER_01: Just put that away.
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe it's like, oh no, well, something like this needs to be said, but it's uh, okay, well, why don't you why don't you have a nap?
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you go to sleep, seated with new eyes the the next day?
SPEAKER_01: Do you I do you ever have such a bad day that the best answer to a bad day is just ending the day?
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that's me.
SPEAKER_01: Actually, I just need to end the day.
SPEAKER_01: I know that I'll feel a bit better in the morning, I'll have a little bit more perspective in the morning.
SPEAKER_01: And so I bash out the and another thing email.
SPEAKER_01: I don't send it.
SPEAKER_01: I put it away, I put it in drafts, or just write it in notes just in case.
SPEAKER_01: Like don't put their address in, don't like go through all of the steps just in case.
SPEAKER_01: So you have someone look at it, sleep on it, or if it's in the moment.
SPEAKER_01: So say somebody is actually criticizing you, they're sitting opposite you at the dinner table, or it's a conversation at work, and you're actually there, how do you respond?
SPEAKER_01: Well, there are ways in which you can begin to take the pressure out of it.
SPEAKER_01: You can say, let me go away and consider what you've said.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's a lot.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I need a little bit of time to kind of process some of it.
SPEAKER_01: I I want to come back to you, but can I just have some time just to think and come back to you about what we've been speaking about?
SPEAKER_01: What that does is that gives wisdom space to work.
SPEAKER_01: That gives time for grace to flow.
SPEAKER_01: And then you can go back to the person and you can say, actually, well, I didn't actually appreciate all that you said.
SPEAKER_01: I think some of it's maybe mistaken, but there are one or two things here that I do think I need to need to listen to.
SPEAKER_01: And that actually gets us into the the second movement.
SPEAKER_01: So we're we're thinking about growing in wisdom is is being empowered by the Holy Spirit to restrain the reflex, and then secondly, to actually receive with humility.
SPEAKER_01: So restrain the reflex, receive with humility.
SPEAKER_01: And here again, wisdom is not so much bothered about the outward things that we're doing and saying, but she is taking aim at our hearts.
SPEAKER_01: All the way through the book of Proverbs, and you see this as well in chapter 15 is this sense that wise people listen to correction and fools hate it.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 10, there is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way.
SPEAKER_01: Whoever hates reproof will die.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 12 of chapter 15 a scoffer does not like to be reproved, that's corrected.
SPEAKER_01: He will not go to the wise.
SPEAKER_01: Or Proverbs 10, verse 17, whoever heeds instruction is on the path of life.
SPEAKER_01: It's not just you heed instruction, you might just um learn to be a little bit better, you might kind of correct some of your bigger faults.
SPEAKER_01: No, Proverbs says, if you heed instruction, if you actually have the humility to receive some critique, some criticism, you're on the path of life, Proverbs says.
SPEAKER_01: And whoever rejects correction leads others astray.
SPEAKER_01: Takes others with him, or with her.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 31.
SPEAKER_01: The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.
SPEAKER_01: Whoever ignores instruction despises himself.
SPEAKER_01: But he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
SPEAKER_01: Who are you harming if you just constantly porcupine?
SPEAKER_01: Or if you just constantly turtle and stew, or if you just constantly chameleon and adapt so that nobody sees you and nobody looks.
SPEAKER_01: Who are you ultimately harming when you don't receive criticism and critique and reproof?
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs says you're harming yourself.
SPEAKER_01: You're stunting your own growth.
SPEAKER_01: But there is an opportunity here to dwell with the wise.
SPEAKER_01: To be wise, then is to consider the critique that the person has offered and to ask if there might be anything learned in it.
SPEAKER_01: That even in those situations where 95% of what the person has said is nonsense and badly motivated and wrong, then maybe there's just a little nugget there.
SPEAKER_01: Tim Keller, who was a pastor in New York, um said this once.
SPEAKER_01: He was talking about reconciliation, that if you're actually looking to heal a relationship, I said, say you're the person who is even objectively the wounded party, that by and large the other person is wrong.
SPEAKER_01: He's like, if you can find something, even something small that you can acknowledge and apologize for and come to proactively with, that changes the whole dynamic of the conversation.
SPEAKER_01: The wisdom is knowing, yeah, look, there's 95% of this stuff that is just not worth taking on board, but there's something here that is useful for my growth.
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, how can I better integrate that?
SPEAKER_01: Part of that comes by asking questions, say, can you clarify that for me?
SPEAKER_01: Help me understand where you're coming from in that.
SPEAKER_01: But while there are people who criticize us and critique us because they don't like us, or they're badly motivated, sometimes somebody will speak wisdom into your life in the form of criticism or critique because they love you.
SPEAKER_01: Because they want good for you.
SPEAKER_01: They've noticed a blind spot, they've seen patterns of behavior that are harmful to yourself, to those around you.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they've been overlooking an offence for a while.
SPEAKER_01: But they want you to not go on hurting yourself and others, and so they speak to you to correct you, to rebuke you.
SPEAKER_01: Is that because they want to tear you down?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: But because they want you're good, they want to build you up.
SPEAKER_01: They want to help you grow in wisdom.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 27, 6 is worth is worth dwelling on and noting.
SPEAKER_01: Because what it says is that faithful are the wounds of a friend.
SPEAKER_01: Enemies come along and they stab you in the back.
SPEAKER_01: Friends come along and they stab you in the front.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because they love you.
SPEAKER_01: They'll say hard things because they want to see you grow.
SPEAKER_01: Remember in the early, in the early days of city church, we planted with another guy.
SPEAKER_01: There were two of us as co-pastors.
SPEAKER_01: He was 10 years older than me.
SPEAKER_01: He had another decade, and I think probably he was sent by our sending church to kind of curb my more youthful excesses.
SPEAKER_01: And planning a church is hard and frustrating, and there would be days in which the church would be quiet.
SPEAKER_01: And my encouragement, discouragement of meter was very much bound to how many people were in front of me on a Sunday morning listening to me pontificate.
SPEAKER_01: And so if there was a few people, I would just kind of preach it in a very kind of annoyed.
SPEAKER_01: I'm annoyed at you for not being here.
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm annoyed at the people who aren't here, but I'm actually telling off the people who are.
SPEAKER_01: Wise person goes to those trusted friends, those older brothers and sisters.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that we had more of them here at city.
SPEAKER_01: I say, what can I learn?
SPEAKER_01: To respond where necessary with repentance.
SPEAKER_01: And to thank them because nobody, nobody likes, like my brother who had that conversation with me, he didn't he didn't come in thinking, I can't wait to get Mark over coffee this morning.
SPEAKER_01: He didn't enjoy that conversation.
SPEAKER_01: A friend doesn't enjoy criticizing or taking another person not down, but offering that critique.
SPEAKER_01: And so it's a there's a pain barrier for that person to cross.
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's worthwhile actually in our wisdom acknowledging that that must have been really hard for you to say that to me because you knew that that was gonna hurt me.
SPEAKER_01: And but I thank you for having the the courage and the and the love for me to do that.
SPEAKER_01: It's a movement to where we can to receive with humility, restrain the reflex, receive with humility.
SPEAKER_01: Third, to respond with discernment.
SPEAKER_01: Restrain the reflex, receive with humility, respond with discernment.
SPEAKER_01: Wisdom doesn't respond to every critic the same way.
SPEAKER_01: It knows who to respond to and how to respond.
SPEAKER_01: One of the most famous little couplets of verses in all of the book of Proverbs look on the face of it like a contradiction.
SPEAKER_01: Listen.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 26, 4 and 5.
SPEAKER_01: Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise, lest you become like him yourself.
SPEAKER_01: But answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
SPEAKER_01: So which is it, Proverbs?
SPEAKER_01: Do we not answer a fool so that we don't become like them?
SPEAKER_01: Or do we answer a fool in order to save them and to correct them?
SPEAKER_01: Which is it?
SPEAKER_01: Is it a contradiction right here in the middle of the book of Proverbs?
SPEAKER_01: Well, no, it's wisdom.
SPEAKER_01: Life's complicated.
SPEAKER_01: Life has many variables to it in a situation.
SPEAKER_01: We in our kind of cultural moment, we like to think that there's only one thing motivating somebody.
SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
SPEAKER_01: There's lots going on, and we need wisdom.
SPEAKER_01: Wisdom to know when to respond.
SPEAKER_01: When responding will be productive and lead to more insight and godliness and maturity, and when, quite frankly, it won't.
SPEAKER_01: Other times criticism comes, Proverbs says, from a mocker.
SPEAKER_01: That's the mocker or the scoffer in Proverbs is the person who just simply wants to tear down, who just wants to be cruel and cynical for cynicism's sake.
SPEAKER_01: They despise wisdom and correction.
SPEAKER_01: So what does Proverbs say?
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 9, verse 8, we looked at it a few weeks ago.
SPEAKER_01: Let me remind you, it says, Don't reprove a scoffer, don't correct them.
SPEAKER_01: Because they will hate you.
SPEAKER_01: Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
SPEAKER_01: So there's a need for various responses at various times.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs wants to help us think wisely about who needs to be responded to and who doesn't.
SPEAKER_01: So if criticized by a fool, that is, someone who's lacking insight, maybe even lacking a bit of maturity, then Proverbs would encourage us to discern limited engagement, an engagement that's oriented towards their benefit primarily, or to consider overlooking the offense.
SPEAKER_01: If criticized by a mocker, a scoffer, somebody who is cynical and committed to seeing you in the worst possible light, I think Proverbs would say, disengage gracefully, humbly.
SPEAKER_01: Don't add more petrol onto that fire.
SPEAKER_01: Disenge.
SPEAKER_01: Don't correct him because he's going to hate you anyway.
SPEAKER_01: He's never going to be convinced of your rightness.
SPEAKER_01: And so you move away.
SPEAKER_01: But every now and again, you're going to get corrected by a wise person who seeks your good and who loves you.
SPEAKER_01: But that person, you don't want to, you don't want to treat them like a fool and just be like, well, actually, let me tell you X, Y, and Z.
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to be, you want to treat them like a mocker and go, well, saw you, I'm off.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not listening.
SPEAKER_01: You want to say, tell me more.
SPEAKER_01: You want to engage respectfully, test their words.
SPEAKER_01: And where possible, invite others.
SPEAKER_01: This person mentioned this.
SPEAKER_01: Have you noticed this?
SPEAKER_01: Is this a blind spot that I'm not aware of?
SPEAKER_01: Jesus actually knew when to respond and when not to.
SPEAKER_01: It's very interesting.
SPEAKER_01: The last day of his uh his life on earth, before his crucifixion, he had uh two audiences, one with Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor, and one with Herod, the king.
SPEAKER_01: And he responds in two very different ways.
SPEAKER_01: With Herod, in John's Gospel, they have a conversation about the nature of his kingdom and of truth and of kingship.
SPEAKER_01: But with Herod in Luke's gospel, sorry, did I say Herod and John's gospel?
SPEAKER_01: I meant Pilate in John's Gospel.
SPEAKER_01: They have a conversation about kingship and truth.
SPEAKER_01: With Herod, Herod doesn't he doesn't say anything.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus doesn't respond at all.
SPEAKER_01: You see, wisdom chooses its silences as well as its words.
SPEAKER_01: Wisdom chooses its silences as well as its words.
SPEAKER_01: And can I give you a practical note as we move into the fourth point?
SPEAKER_01: None of these responses, whether it's the limited, discerned engagement with the fool, or the graceful disengagement with the mocker, or the uh the respectful engagement with the wise person, none of these responses are best done over WhatsApp.
SPEAKER_01: None of these responses are best done over text, right?
SPEAKER_01: Somebody might send you a critiquing text, might send or an email, say something that has offended you, it's got your porcupine up.
SPEAKER_01: The best thing to do is to not engage over an electronic medium.
SPEAKER_01: Because your tone, your body language, all of those things are not being communicated.
SPEAKER_01: It's you must you must say, let's me.
SPEAKER_01: Can we get a coffee?
SPEAKER_01: Can we talk about this more?
SPEAKER_01: So many times things spiral because they're done with that distance that technology affords.
SPEAKER_01: And if you notice in your own life, you're braver when you're behind a keyboard.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
SPEAKER_01: So is everybody else.
SPEAKER_01: People are cruel when there's that distance.
SPEAKER_01: If you can shorten that distance and actually get into the room with the person and begin to follow some sort of Matthew 18 principles, Matthew 18 talking about how Jesus says, go and be reconciled with your brother if he has if you have an offense against them, get together in a room, seek that reconciliation.
SPEAKER_01: That's much more readily achieved face to face.
SPEAKER_01: It's very hard to do with that distance that technology provides because it's so easy to fire the and another thing, text or email.
SPEAKER_01: Strain the reflex, respond or receive with humility, respond with discernment, and then finally rest in God's verdict.
SPEAKER_01: Rest in God's verdict, what he says about you.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 21, verse 2.
SPEAKER_01: All of a person's ways seem right to them, but the Lord weighs the heart.
SPEAKER_01: But the Lord weighs the heart.
SPEAKER_01: One of the reasons why we struggle to respond to criticism in a wise way is because we often want to write a wrong and vindicate ourselves.
SPEAKER_01: We want to correct somebody's perception and to and to plead our case and to scream back the 14 reasons that our lawyer has given us why we're right and they are wrong, and to have them see their wrongness and come to us, groveling, preferably over broken glass, to ask and beg us for their forgiveness.
SPEAKER_01: Criticism can often come where a person is pretending like they see your heart.
SPEAKER_01: You notice that?
SPEAKER_01: Criticism comes and they're not just criticizing their actions, but they're imputing motives.
SPEAKER_01: You did this because you are proud, selfish, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_01: And the really annoying thing about that is that in some senses they're right, it's true.
SPEAKER_01: I am proud, I am selfish, I am self-absorbed.
SPEAKER_01: But what are they doing?
SPEAKER_01: They're taking one aspect of your life, they're taking one aspect of your sin that the Holy Spirit is knocking the hard edges off and seeking to transform.
SPEAKER_01: They're taking that one aspect of you and they're absolutizing it and saying, This is who you are.
SPEAKER_01: That's hard to contend with.
SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a place to go and rest.
SPEAKER_01: If you don't have another verdict to run to, if you don't have another opinion to be expressed over your life by grace.
SPEAKER_01: The hard thing is that that person's, you are pride.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, look, I can't deny that there are species of pride in in my heart, but am I saying that that's the only thing that's going on?
SPEAKER_01: In my life, is that the only thing that God's doing?
SPEAKER_01: Or are you taking this one thing and blowing it up?
SPEAKER_01: So where do I go?
SPEAKER_01: I have to find a place of rest.
SPEAKER_01: And there wonderfully is another verdict to run to.
SPEAKER_01: They're never gonna suddenly stop and go, oh, yeah, you know, you're absolutely right.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: You are totally right and I am totally wrong.
SPEAKER_01: That usually doesn't happen.
SPEAKER_01: Sadly.
SPEAKER_01: But what does Proverbs 21 say?
SPEAKER_01: People might think they're right, might think that they see your heart with full and unclouded perception.
SPEAKER_01: But they're wrong.
SPEAKER_01: The Lord weighs the heart.
SPEAKER_01: He sees what's going on on the inside, he sees what's going on inside you, all of the mixed motives and all of the sins and graces, all of the idolatry and all of the spirit's work.
SPEAKER_01: And that's actually a wonderful comfort in the face of criticism.
SPEAKER_01: It means that we can rest in his verdict, even when other people won't see our point of view.
SPEAKER_01: Because if the Lord sees our hearts, then it's really only his opinion that matters.
SPEAKER_01: It's only his verdict that will echo into eternity.
SPEAKER_01: Brothers and sisters, we are not defined by our critics and what they say of us.
SPEAKER_01: That even when they point out true sins, we can still find rest.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because everyone who trusts in Jesus will be vindicated eternally.
SPEAKER_01: He knows your failings, he knows your faults, he knows your mixed motives and your pride, your anger, your impatience, your gracelessness, your intolerance.
SPEAKER_01: He knows it all so intimately because he bore it on the cross at Calvary.
SPEAKER_01: He's forgiven it all and rise and rose again triumphant.
SPEAKER_01: Despite all of those things, that brew that goes on in your heart, he still calls you son, still calls you daughter, by his grace.
SPEAKER_01: And he assures you that those things that the critics point out, they no longer define who you are.
SPEAKER_01: They're part of the old self, the old mark.
SPEAKER_01: That even though he's a little bit quicker than the new mark still, his day will come.
SPEAKER_01: He's being torn down, his days are numbered.
SPEAKER_01: He no longer defines me.
SPEAKER_01: And so now as a follower of Jesus, God not only declares that you are an adopted, forgiven, loved son, daughter of the living God, who will have a new identity, a new heart, new motives eternally.
SPEAKER_01: Well, he does now, by his grace and by the help of his Holy Spirit, is he uses even the criticisms that we face to make us more like Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: And in the end of it all, the unwarranted criticism and the attempts to ruin reputations that all come to nothing.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because the righteous judge, in the end, will vindicate all those who are his.
SPEAKER_01: In the end, the righteous judge will vindicate all of his children.
SPEAKER_01: This means that we can entrust our reputations to our Heavenly Father.
SPEAKER_01: We can entrust ourselves to the judge who judges justly.
SPEAKER_01: I love that verse from 1 Peter where it talks about Jesus who didn't respond, didn't hit back when accused, but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.
SPEAKER_01: There will be criticism, and I'm sure that even as you're hearing this now, you're thinking about situations.
SPEAKER_01: I know that I am thinking of situations of criticism and critique and people who are opposed to you.
SPEAKER_01: And you want to, you want to kind of just grab them by the face and go, you're wrong.
SPEAKER_01: I know that you're wrong, and here's why you're wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Entrust yourself to the one who judges justly.
SPEAKER_01: Their wrongness will be seen eternally.
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to jump up and down and scream at them to see it now.
SPEAKER_01: They will see it because God will vindicate you in the end by his grace.
SPEAKER_01: You will be shown to be righteous, not because you bear a righteousness of your own, but because you've been clothed in the alien, perfect righteousness of Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: And he will vindicate you.
SPEAKER_01: And those who have wrongly criticized you will see that as you shine brighter than the noonday sun.
SPEAKER_01: This is why it is so crucial for us to root ourselves here and now, in the scriptures, in the wisdom that God provides, because otherwise we're just tossed to and fro.
SPEAKER_01: There's no rest for us because these people think these things and they won't turn aside from it.
SPEAKER_01: They won't acknowledge their wrongness and it eats away at us.
SPEAKER_01: Where's the rest?
SPEAKER_01: The rest is here.
SPEAKER_01: The rest is in the gospel, the rest is in the grace of Jesus that covers your sin and makes you a son or daughter.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 29, 25, last one of the day.
SPEAKER_01: The fear of man is a snare.
SPEAKER_01: But whoever trusts the Lord is safe.
SPEAKER_01: You can get caught by the ankle by what other people think of you.
SPEAKER_01: And you just can't shake it.
SPEAKER_01: It's the last thing you think about every night, those conversations gnawing away at you.
SPEAKER_01: It's the first thing that you think about first thing in the morning.
SPEAKER_01: And it's just, it feels like a weight on your back.
SPEAKER_01: It's a snare.
SPEAKER_01: But whoever trusts in the Lord and his vindication and his declaration of who you are in Christ is what?
SPEAKER_01: It's safe.
SPEAKER_01: Come and find the safety in the midst of criticism and critique that God offers you in Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: If you're rooted in the opinions of others, you'll always bring out your porcupine, your turtle, or your chameleon.
SPEAKER_01: You'll always be trapped in those destructive cycles.
SPEAKER_01: But there is freedom, safety, rest, and trusting the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: And with the help of his spirit, we can little by little restrain that reflex.
SPEAKER_01: We can receive criticism with humility because we know our sin, but we also know who we are in Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: We can respond to criticism with wisdom and discernment.
SPEAKER_01: And perhaps most of all, we can be enabled to rest because judgment has been passed over your life if you are trusting in Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: If you have come to Him by faith, the only opinion that will ever matter, that will ever echo into eternity has already been expressed.
SPEAKER_01: Never to be revoked, forgiven, righteous, adopted.
SPEAKER_01: Come in the midst of your criticism, in the midst of that desire to grow in wisdom in this area, come find rest in him.
SPEAKER_02: If you found this helpful or want to know more about City Church Dublin, visit our website found in the links below.