WEBVTT 00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:22.160 So if you want to turn to Proverbs chapter 15 in your own Bibles. 00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:28.399 Soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:32.799 The tongue of the wise commands knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:36.799 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:41.920 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness is in it breaks the spirit. 00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:46.640 A fool despises his father's instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent. 00:00:46.799 --> 00:00:51.920 In the house of the righteous there is much treasure, but trouble befalls the income of the wicked. 00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:56.000 The lips of the wise spread knowledge, not so the heart of fools. 00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:02.079 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:07.280 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but he loves him who pursues righteousness. 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:10.560 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way. 00:01:10.799 --> 00:01:12.719 Whoever hates reproof will die. 00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:18.000 Shoal and Abaddon lie open before the Lord, how much more the hearts of the children of man. 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:22.000 A scoffer does not like to be reproved, he will not go to the wise. 00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:27.519 A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but so but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed. 00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:33.040 The heart of him who has an understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly. 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:38.000 All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast. 00:01:38.239 --> 00:01:42.239 Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:47.519 Better is a dinner of herbs, where love is where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:53.120 A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. 00:01:53.359 --> 00:01:58.959 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway. 00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:03.840 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother. 00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:09.360 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense, but a man who have understanding walks straight ahead. 00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:13.599 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. 00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:18.960 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is. 00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:24.080 The path of life leads upward for the prudent, that he may turn away from shoal beneath. 00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:29.120 The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but maintains the widow's boundaries boundaries. 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:33.280 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure. 00:02:33.439 --> 00:02:38.560 He ever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live. 00:02:38.800 --> 00:02:44.240 The heart of the righteous righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouths of the wicked pours out evil things. 00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:48.159 The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:52.560 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones. 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:56.240 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:01.759 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. 00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:06.000 The fear of the Lord is instruction and wisdom, and humility comes before honor. 00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:07.360 And so it reads God's word. 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:09.199 Welcome to you if you joined us while we're singing. 00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:10.000 My name is Mark. 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:12.000 I'm one of the pastors here at City. 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:17.840 And if you're new or visiting, I know some of you are, you're very welcome here this morning at City Church. 00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:22.319 We are uh in the book of Proverbs, as you noted from our from our reading. 00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:35.520 Up until uh Easter time, we were walking quite systematically through Proverbs 1 to 9, through those speeches of the father to the son or daughter, those poems and songs of wisdom. 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:43.439 And then from chapter 10 onwards, really till around about chapter 30, you get in kind of the proverbial sayings proper. 00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:50.560 And so what we have done for the next kind of six or seven weeks is we're working thematically through the book of Proverbs. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:55.439 And we're looking today at the theme of criticism or uh or conflict. 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:00.159 We looked at words last week and how we can use our speech wisely. 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:11.680 And then today, looking at this idea of criticism, because, well, the Bible knows, the book of Proverbs knows that criticism is something that's going to come our way. 00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:17.199 And and so God wants to help us respond to it wisely. 00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:19.120 Uh, how do you respond to it? 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:22.639 Uh, you may be one of one of three creatures. 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:25.920 When criticism comes, are you a are you a porcupine? 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:31.759 So somebody criticizes, critiques, challenges you, and so the bristles go up. 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:34.480 You get ready to defend yourself, ready to attack. 00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:41.439 The legal team inside your head uh comes up with 15 reasons why they're wrong and you are right. 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:42.959 You go porcupine. 00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:53.360 Maybe you go turtle, criticism comes and you shrink away, you go quiet, and you stew on what they've said. 00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:58.240 You might not respond, but it's eating away at you. 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.600 Or maybe you go chameleon in order to avoid more criticism. 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:07.439 You seek to blend in. 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:12.639 You don't want to rock the boat anymore, you just want to look like the environment around you. 00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.040 In case you didn't realize, I'm a porcupine. 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:19.759 All right, that's my confession this morning. 00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:23.040 We'll uh go around the room a little bit later and you can confess yours. 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:23.519 Okay? 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:26.720 Uh Philippo will confirm that I am a porcupine. 00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:27.759 The bristles go up. 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:29.600 I don't like it. 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:35.040 Uh I get immediately defensive, and then I maybe go away and think about it a little bit more. 00:05:35.279 --> 00:05:36.879 Because criticism stings. 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:43.360 Like all criticism hurts even if it's well-intentioned. 00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:46.560 Criticism from a family member, that's the worst, right? 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.879 Because they're the people who know us best, they're the people who know us warts and all. 00:05:51.279 --> 00:06:02.000 And so if you if you're one of uh the people like me who doesn't come from a church-going kind of Christian family, what's the what's the uh the go-to attack or criticism? 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:04.720 And you call yourself a Christian, right? 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:09.120 They know where to they know where to get you because they know you the best. 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:15.759 Or that online comment that makes you think, this person doesn't even know me. 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:30.319 They have no idea what else is going on, they've no idea of the other context, and yet they've said this online or put this post up or put this comment on my on my ex feed or on my Facebook feed or on Instagram. 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:33.759 Lots of criticism can be unkind. 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:40.160 Lots of criticism can be badly motivated, and some of it's just like outright wrong. 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:53.360 But every now and again, criticism comes not motivated by hostility, not motivated by a desire to tear down, but out of a desire by the person to help us grow. 00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:56.000 But it still hurts. 00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:02.079 It still makes me porcupine and maybe makes you turtle or might make you chameleon. 00:07:03.120 --> 00:07:06.079 So, how can we be wise when wounded? 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:07.759 That's what we're looking at this morning. 00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:13.360 How can you be wise when you've been wounded by criticism or critique? 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:18.720 Proverbs this morning, chiefly in chapter 15, though we'll move around a little bit. 00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:28.879 Proverbs this morning is going to help us through four different movements on how to be wise as we face criticism. 00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:34.079 The first is this restrain the reflex. 00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:38.000 Restrain the reflex. 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.040 This is maybe primarily for you porcupines out there, okay? 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:45.439 So this is this was a bit of kind of therapy for me in the study this week. 00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:47.360 Restrain the reflex. 00:07:48.399 --> 00:07:51.360 Have a look at Proverbs 15, verse 1. 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:58.959 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:14.480 See how we respond in the immediate aftermath of a bit of criticism has a huge influence on how the rest of the conversation, on how the rest of the situation is going to pan out. 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:24.000 And one of the things that we need to note here is that when criticism comes, we have a choice about what we're going to bring to the conversation in response. 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:30.879 Are we going to bring water to that fire, or are we going to bring petrol or gasoline if you're American, right? 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:38.000 Are you going to bring water, soothe things down, cool things down, try and see what's really going on? 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:42.799 Or are you going to bring something that's more inflammatory? 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:46.080 You're going to immediately strike back, immediately defend. 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:51.279 And then everybody's going into their separate corners and they're entrenching their positions. 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:58.799 And it's very hard to work out what's actually true and what's not, and what's helpful and what's not, and how to actually grow in it. 00:08:59.919 --> 00:09:08.080 Chapter 15 also says, down in uh sorry, in down in verse 18, a hot-tempered man does what? 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:13.679 Stirs up strife, or a hot-tempered woman stirs up strife. 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:21.279 But he who is slow to anger quiets contention. 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:35.440 Proverbs twelve also says this in verse sixteen that fools show their annoyance at once. 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:40.639 But the prudent overlook an insult. 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:55.039 The wise, the prudent, they're able to overlook an insult. 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:59.600 They're able to absorb some heart and move on. 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:09.200 And where this goes, it's the first battle when we're facing criticism is not with the person that's criticizing you. 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:11.360 It's with your own heart. 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:13.120 It's with yourself. 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:16.960 It's with those immediate reflex responses. 00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:41.919 I have come to realize over the course of the last maybe six or eight months that my own personal process of sanctification is a tortoise and hair race between the old mark, the mark of the flesh, and the mark that God by his spirit is transforming into the image of Jesus. 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:46.240 The mark, the old mark, the mark of the flesh, he's the hair. 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:50.000 Criticism comes and he's off like a shot, right? 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:55.440 He wants to fire back, he wants to write the and another thing sort of email, right? 00:10:57.759 --> 00:11:05.759 And the new man that God's making, he's he's slower, he's more considerate, but he's a plodder. 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:09.679 And he keeps on moving in the same sort of direction. 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:24.080 And what I find is actually, if I'm able to give the plodding, spirit-fueled new man that God's making, if I can give him a little bit of time and a little bit of space, he will get there, but I need to restrain the reflex. 00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:28.320 I need to let my old man, I need to divert him off the track. 00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:31.759 We'll come to a couple of ways about how I do that in just a second. 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:36.320 But the first battle that we face is not with the person, but with ourselves. 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:39.919 Do we immediately fire back with how upset we are? 00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:42.960 Or can you take a breath before you blast? 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:50.559 What's more, Proverbs 12, Proverbs 12 actually pushes us a little bit further. 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:56.720 Because wisdom actually often means not pursuing a bunch of stuff. 00:11:57.360 --> 00:12:02.799 Not being like a dog with a bone with every slight criticism. 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.279 It's knowing when to speak and when to let stuff go. 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:17.919 Or it might just be that issue just isn't all that big and you're having a bad day. 00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:29.519 The teacher thinks that this is an important idea, this idea of learning to let stuff go, and so he repeats it again later. 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:32.799 In Proverbs 19, he says this in verse 11. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:39.759 He says, It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:50.559 And not just kind of, oh well, I've got to kind of suck it up and absorb this heart, and I get I get nothing in in return, and nobody's seen that I've absorbed this hurt. 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:52.000 No, no, what's the teacher say? 00:12:52.159 --> 00:12:58.399 It's to your glory, it's to your credit, it's a sign of the Holy Spirit working in your life. 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:14.000 It's a sign, an outward picture that you actually are being transformed more into the image of Jesus, that you're able to overlook one an offense, that you're able to overlook that and absorb hurt. 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.480 Because what could be more Christ-like, right? 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:28.320 Than to absorb hurt, to absorb offense and not pay back, not seek vengeance, not seek retribution, but to take it into yourself. 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:30.480 Isn't that what Jesus did? 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:36.480 It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:43.440 That of course, like we are in the in the realm of wisdom and not of law. 00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:48.639 And so, of course, there are times when things should not be let go. 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:51.279 And we'll come to look at that a little bit more in a second. 00:13:53.200 --> 00:14:01.120 But sometimes, every now and again, being wise when wounded means absorbing heart for the sake of peace. 00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:06.559 Do you remember how God describes his own character? 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:14.399 God describes his his nature, his character to Moses in the book of Exodus. 00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:16.720 And what's one of the things that he says about himself? 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:23.679 The Lord, the Lord, the gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger. 00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:29.759 Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:36.960 So to grow in wisdom in this way is to become more like God Himself. 00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:39.600 Slow to anger. 00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:46.559 Here's how I did, okay? 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:50.159 I write emails that I don't send. 00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:54.799 I write emails that I don't send. 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:59.360 I show them to Philippa, and she becomes my therapist in that moment. 00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:03.840 She's like, yeah, like I get that, but don't click send on that one. 00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:05.759 Just put that away. 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:14.159 Or maybe it's like, oh no, well, something like this needs to be said, but it's uh, okay, well, why don't you why don't you have a nap? 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:20.320 Why don't you go to sleep, seated with new eyes the the next day? 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:28.720 Do you I do you ever have such a bad day that the best answer to a bad day is just ending the day? 00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:30.000 Sometimes that's me. 00:15:30.159 --> 00:15:31.679 Actually, I just need to end the day. 00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:36.159 I know that I'll feel a bit better in the morning, I'll have a little bit more perspective in the morning. 00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:39.679 And so I bash out the and another thing email. 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:41.440 I don't send it. 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:46.480 I put it away, I put it in drafts, or just write it in notes just in case. 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:51.120 Like don't put their address in, don't like go through all of the steps just in case. 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:57.519 So you have someone look at it, sleep on it, or if it's in the moment. 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:09.919 So say somebody is actually criticizing you, they're sitting opposite you at the dinner table, or it's a conversation at work, and you're actually there, how do you respond? 00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:15.120 Well, there are ways in which you can begin to take the pressure out of it. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:19.519 You can say, let me go away and consider what you've said. 00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:21.440 Yeah, that's that's a lot. 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.360 Uh, and I need a little bit of time to kind of process some of it. 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:33.759 I I want to come back to you, but can I just have some time just to think and come back to you about what we've been speaking about? 00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:40.159 What that does is that gives wisdom space to work. 00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:43.679 That gives time for grace to flow. 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:51.360 And then you can go back to the person and you can say, actually, well, I didn't actually appreciate all that you said. 00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:58.320 I think some of it's maybe mistaken, but there are one or two things here that I do think I need to need to listen to. 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:02.799 And that actually gets us into the the second movement. 00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:14.559 So we're we're thinking about growing in wisdom is is being empowered by the Holy Spirit to restrain the reflex, and then secondly, to actually receive with humility. 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.400 So restrain the reflex, receive with humility. 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:30.160 And here again, wisdom is not so much bothered about the outward things that we're doing and saying, but she is taking aim at our hearts. 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:41.680 All the way through the book of Proverbs, and you see this as well in chapter 15 is this sense that wise people listen to correction and fools hate it. 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.759 Verse 10, there is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way. 00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:51.440 Whoever hates reproof will die. 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:57.440 Verse 12 of chapter 15 a scoffer does not like to be reproved, that's corrected. 00:17:58.079 --> 00:18:00.480 He will not go to the wise. 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:10.720 Or Proverbs 10, verse 17, whoever heeds instruction is on the path of life. 00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:19.440 It's not just you heed instruction, you might just um learn to be a little bit better, you might kind of correct some of your bigger faults. 00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:30.640 No, Proverbs says, if you heed instruction, if you actually have the humility to receive some critique, some criticism, you're on the path of life, Proverbs says. 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:37.279 And whoever rejects correction leads others astray. 00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:40.319 Takes others with him, or with her. 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:50.640 Verse 31. 00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:58.480 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. 00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:05.279 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself. 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:10.000 But he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:15.599 Who are you harming if you just constantly porcupine? 00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:24.240 Or if you just constantly turtle and stew, or if you just constantly chameleon and adapt so that nobody sees you and nobody looks. 00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:28.640 Who are you ultimately harming when you don't receive criticism and critique and reproof? 00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:30.720 Proverbs says you're harming yourself. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:33.119 You're stunting your own growth. 00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:37.839 But there is an opportunity here to dwell with the wise. 00:19:39.279 --> 00:19:49.680 To be wise, then is to consider the critique that the person has offered and to ask if there might be anything learned in it. 00:19:51.440 --> 00:20:03.279 That even in those situations where 95% of what the person has said is nonsense and badly motivated and wrong, then maybe there's just a little nugget there. 00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:09.759 Tim Keller, who was a pastor in New York, um said this once. 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:23.039 He was talking about reconciliation, that if you're actually looking to heal a relationship, I said, say you're the person who is even objectively the wounded party, that by and large the other person is wrong. 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:37.519 He's like, if you can find something, even something small that you can acknowledge and apologize for and come to proactively with, that changes the whole dynamic of the conversation. 00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:50.960 The wisdom is knowing, yeah, look, there's 95% of this stuff that is just not worth taking on board, but there's something here that is useful for my growth. 00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:57.359 And it's like, how can I better integrate that? 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:01.359 Part of that comes by asking questions, say, can you clarify that for me? 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.160 Help me understand where you're coming from in that. 00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:27.359 But while there are people who criticize us and critique us because they don't like us, or they're badly motivated, sometimes somebody will speak wisdom into your life in the form of criticism or critique because they love you. 00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:30.160 Because they want good for you. 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:39.599 They've noticed a blind spot, they've seen patterns of behavior that are harmful to yourself, to those around you. 00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:45.279 Maybe they've been overlooking an offence for a while. 00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:56.880 But they want you to not go on hurting yourself and others, and so they speak to you to correct you, to rebuke you. 00:21:58.319 --> 00:21:59.839 Is that because they want to tear you down? 00:22:01.119 --> 00:22:01.440 No. 00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:05.039 But because they want you're good, they want to build you up. 00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:08.640 They want to help you grow in wisdom. 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:16.160 Proverbs 27, 6 is worth is worth dwelling on and noting. 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:23.359 Because what it says is that faithful are the wounds of a friend. 00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:27.920 Enemies come along and they stab you in the back. 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:30.319 Friends come along and they stab you in the front. 00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:32.240 Why? 00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:34.960 Because they love you. 00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:39.759 They'll say hard things because they want to see you grow. 00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:47.119 Remember in the early, in the early days of city church, we planted with another guy. 00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:49.599 There were two of us as co-pastors. 00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:51.519 He was 10 years older than me. 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:59.200 He had another decade, and I think probably he was sent by our sending church to kind of curb my more youthful excesses. 00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:06.000 And planning a church is hard and frustrating, and there would be days in which the church would be quiet. 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:17.119 And my encouragement, discouragement of meter was very much bound to how many people were in front of me on a Sunday morning listening to me pontificate. 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:21.680 And so if there was a few people, I would just kind of preach it in a very kind of annoyed. 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:24.240 I'm annoyed at you for not being here. 00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:28.559 Well, I'm annoyed at the people who aren't here, but I'm actually telling off the people who are. 00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:34.240 Wise person goes to those trusted friends, those older brothers and sisters. 00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:37.039 Oh, that we had more of them here at city. 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.960 I say, what can I learn? 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:45.279 To respond where necessary with repentance. 00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:58.960 And to thank them because nobody, nobody likes, like my brother who had that conversation with me, he didn't he didn't come in thinking, I can't wait to get Mark over coffee this morning. 00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:00.799 He didn't enjoy that conversation. 00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:10.480 A friend doesn't enjoy criticizing or taking another person not down, but offering that critique. 00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:14.559 And so it's a there's a pain barrier for that person to cross. 00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:22.079 And it's it's worthwhile actually in our wisdom acknowledging that that must have been really hard for you to say that to me because you knew that that was gonna hurt me. 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:27.599 And but I thank you for having the the courage and the and the love for me to do that. 00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:35.039 It's a movement to where we can to receive with humility, restrain the reflex, receive with humility. 00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:40.240 Third, to respond with discernment. 00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:48.079 Restrain the reflex, receive with humility, respond with discernment. 00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:54.880 Wisdom doesn't respond to every critic the same way. 00:25:55.680 --> 00:26:01.039 It knows who to respond to and how to respond. 00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:10.480 One of the most famous little couplets of verses in all of the book of Proverbs look on the face of it like a contradiction. 00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:11.359 Listen. 00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:13.839 Proverbs 26, 4 and 5. 00:26:14.319 --> 00:26:24.160 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise, lest you become like him yourself. 00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:30.000 But answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. 00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:32.240 So which is it, Proverbs? 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:36.960 Do we not answer a fool so that we don't become like them? 00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:41.440 Or do we answer a fool in order to save them and to correct them? 00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:42.640 Which is it? 00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:46.240 Is it a contradiction right here in the middle of the book of Proverbs? 00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:48.240 Well, no, it's wisdom. 00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:50.319 Life's complicated. 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:54.880 Life has many variables to it in a situation. 00:26:55.279 --> 00:27:00.799 We in our kind of cultural moment, we like to think that there's only one thing motivating somebody. 00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:02.160 That's not true. 00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:05.279 There's lots going on, and we need wisdom. 00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:07.519 Wisdom to know when to respond. 00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:17.279 When responding will be productive and lead to more insight and godliness and maturity, and when, quite frankly, it won't. 00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:24.400 Other times criticism comes, Proverbs says, from a mocker. 00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:37.359 That's the mocker or the scoffer in Proverbs is the person who just simply wants to tear down, who just wants to be cruel and cynical for cynicism's sake. 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:41.839 They despise wisdom and correction. 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:44.000 So what does Proverbs say? 00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:47.359 Proverbs 9, verse 8, we looked at it a few weeks ago. 00:27:47.519 --> 00:27:52.880 Let me remind you, it says, Don't reprove a scoffer, don't correct them. 00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:55.759 Because they will hate you. 00:27:56.640 --> 00:28:01.119 Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.359 So there's a need for various responses at various times. 00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:15.279 Proverbs wants to help us think wisely about who needs to be responded to and who doesn't. 00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:37.759 So if criticized by a fool, that is, someone who's lacking insight, maybe even lacking a bit of maturity, then Proverbs would encourage us to discern limited engagement, an engagement that's oriented towards their benefit primarily, or to consider overlooking the offense. 00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:52.480 If criticized by a mocker, a scoffer, somebody who is cynical and committed to seeing you in the worst possible light, I think Proverbs would say, disengage gracefully, humbly. 00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:54.960 Don't add more petrol onto that fire. 00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:56.000 Disenge. 00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:58.319 Don't correct him because he's going to hate you anyway. 00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:01.839 He's never going to be convinced of your rightness. 00:29:04.079 --> 00:29:05.839 And so you move away. 00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:14.880 But every now and again, you're going to get corrected by a wise person who seeks your good and who loves you. 00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:22.960 But that person, you don't want to, you don't want to treat them like a fool and just be like, well, actually, let me tell you X, Y, and Z. 00:29:23.279 --> 00:29:27.599 You don't want to be, you want to treat them like a mocker and go, well, saw you, I'm off. 00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:28.880 I'm not listening. 00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:33.359 You want to say, tell me more. 00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:36.960 You want to engage respectfully, test their words. 00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:40.160 And where possible, invite others. 00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:43.279 This person mentioned this. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:44.799 Have you noticed this? 00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:47.759 Is this a blind spot that I'm not aware of? 00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:54.559 Jesus actually knew when to respond and when not to. 00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:55.680 It's very interesting. 00:29:55.839 --> 00:30:10.880 The last day of his uh his life on earth, before his crucifixion, he had uh two audiences, one with Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor, and one with Herod, the king. 00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:14.240 And he responds in two very different ways. 00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:21.039 With Herod, in John's Gospel, they have a conversation about the nature of his kingdom and of truth and of kingship. 00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:26.559 But with Herod in Luke's gospel, sorry, did I say Herod and John's gospel? 00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:28.000 I meant Pilate in John's Gospel. 00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:31.279 They have a conversation about kingship and truth. 00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:36.480 With Herod, Herod doesn't he doesn't say anything. 00:30:37.119 --> 00:30:39.279 Jesus doesn't respond at all. 00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:45.839 You see, wisdom chooses its silences as well as its words. 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:51.359 Wisdom chooses its silences as well as its words. 00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:56.640 And can I give you a practical note as we move into the fourth point? 00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:15.039 None of these responses, whether it's the limited, discerned engagement with the fool, or the graceful disengagement with the mocker, or the uh the respectful engagement with the wise person, none of these responses are best done over WhatsApp. 00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:20.000 None of these responses are best done over text, right? 00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:30.079 Somebody might send you a critiquing text, might send or an email, say something that has offended you, it's got your porcupine up. 00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:35.680 The best thing to do is to not engage over an electronic medium. 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:39.119 Because your tone, your body language, all of those things are not being communicated. 00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:42.240 It's you must you must say, let's me. 00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:43.599 Can we get a coffee? 00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:45.200 Can we talk about this more? 00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:54.400 So many times things spiral because they're done with that distance that technology affords. 00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:59.680 And if you notice in your own life, you're braver when you're behind a keyboard. 00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:01.039 Yeah? 00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.599 So is everybody else. 00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:08.559 People are cruel when there's that distance. 00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:25.359 If you can shorten that distance and actually get into the room with the person and begin to follow some sort of Matthew 18 principles, Matthew 18 talking about how Jesus says, go and be reconciled with your brother if he has if you have an offense against them, get together in a room, seek that reconciliation. 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:30.079 That's much more readily achieved face to face. 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:40.559 It's very hard to do with that distance that technology provides because it's so easy to fire the and another thing, text or email. 00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:57.519 Strain the reflex, respond or receive with humility, respond with discernment, and then finally rest in God's verdict. 00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:05.279 Rest in God's verdict, what he says about you. 00:33:06.720 --> 00:33:08.960 Proverbs 21, verse 2. 00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:15.279 All of a person's ways seem right to them, but the Lord weighs the heart. 00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:25.200 But the Lord weighs the heart. 00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:39.440 One of the reasons why we struggle to respond to criticism in a wise way is because we often want to write a wrong and vindicate ourselves. 00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:59.440 We want to correct somebody's perception and to and to plead our case and to scream back the 14 reasons that our lawyer has given us why we're right and they are wrong, and to have them see their wrongness and come to us, groveling, preferably over broken glass, to ask and beg us for their forgiveness. 00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:10.800 Criticism can often come where a person is pretending like they see your heart. 00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:12.079 You notice that? 00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:17.199 Criticism comes and they're not just criticizing their actions, but they're imputing motives. 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:27.199 You did this because you are proud, selfish, whatever it is. 00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:33.440 And the really annoying thing about that is that in some senses they're right, it's true. 00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:36.960 I am proud, I am selfish, I am self-absorbed. 00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:38.639 But what are they doing? 00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:50.239 They're taking one aspect of your life, they're taking one aspect of your sin that the Holy Spirit is knocking the hard edges off and seeking to transform. 00:34:50.320 --> 00:34:58.880 They're taking that one aspect of you and they're absolutizing it and saying, This is who you are. 00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:03.280 That's hard to contend with. 00:35:05.199 --> 00:35:07.119 If you don't have a place to go and rest. 00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:19.840 If you don't have another verdict to run to, if you don't have another opinion to be expressed over your life by grace. 00:35:21.519 --> 00:35:25.519 The hard thing is that that person's, you are pride. 00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:35.119 Yeah, look, I can't deny that there are species of pride in in my heart, but am I saying that that's the only thing that's going on? 00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.760 In my life, is that the only thing that God's doing? 00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:40.079 Or are you taking this one thing and blowing it up? 00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:40.880 So where do I go? 00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:42.880 I have to find a place of rest. 00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:48.320 And there wonderfully is another verdict to run to. 00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:16.400 They're never gonna suddenly stop and go, oh, yeah, you know, you're absolutely right. 00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:16.880 Yeah. 00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:19.760 You are totally right and I am totally wrong. 00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:23.440 That usually doesn't happen. 00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:25.119 Sadly. 00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:28.480 But what does Proverbs 21 say? 00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:37.440 People might think they're right, might think that they see your heart with full and unclouded perception. 00:36:39.039 --> 00:36:40.079 But they're wrong. 00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:43.119 The Lord weighs the heart. 00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:56.559 He sees what's going on on the inside, he sees what's going on inside you, all of the mixed motives and all of the sins and graces, all of the idolatry and all of the spirit's work. 00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:03.360 And that's actually a wonderful comfort in the face of criticism. 00:37:04.719 --> 00:37:14.079 It means that we can rest in his verdict, even when other people won't see our point of view. 00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:19.599 Because if the Lord sees our hearts, then it's really only his opinion that matters. 00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:23.440 It's only his verdict that will echo into eternity. 00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:30.079 Brothers and sisters, we are not defined by our critics and what they say of us. 00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:35.679 That even when they point out true sins, we can still find rest. 00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:36.480 Why? 00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:43.519 Because everyone who trusts in Jesus will be vindicated eternally. 00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:52.559 He knows your failings, he knows your faults, he knows your mixed motives and your pride, your anger, your impatience, your gracelessness, your intolerance. 00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:58.000 He knows it all so intimately because he bore it on the cross at Calvary. 00:37:58.079 --> 00:38:02.719 He's forgiven it all and rise and rose again triumphant. 00:38:04.239 --> 00:38:17.840 Despite all of those things, that brew that goes on in your heart, he still calls you son, still calls you daughter, by his grace. 00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:27.599 And he assures you that those things that the critics point out, they no longer define who you are. 00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.320 They're part of the old self, the old mark. 00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:40.079 That even though he's a little bit quicker than the new mark still, his day will come. 00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:43.679 He's being torn down, his days are numbered. 00:38:44.159 --> 00:38:46.239 He no longer defines me. 00:38:46.800 --> 00:39:05.760 And so now as a follower of Jesus, God not only declares that you are an adopted, forgiven, loved son, daughter of the living God, who will have a new identity, a new heart, new motives eternally. 00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:16.239 Well, he does now, by his grace and by the help of his Holy Spirit, is he uses even the criticisms that we face to make us more like Jesus. 00:39:17.039 --> 00:39:23.920 And in the end of it all, the unwarranted criticism and the attempts to ruin reputations that all come to nothing. 00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:24.719 Why? 00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:30.239 Because the righteous judge, in the end, will vindicate all those who are his. 00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:35.280 In the end, the righteous judge will vindicate all of his children. 00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:40.960 This means that we can entrust our reputations to our Heavenly Father. 00:39:41.039 --> 00:39:45.199 We can entrust ourselves to the judge who judges justly. 00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:56.639 I love that verse from 1 Peter where it talks about Jesus who didn't respond, didn't hit back when accused, but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. 00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:03.599 There will be criticism, and I'm sure that even as you're hearing this now, you're thinking about situations. 00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:08.880 I know that I am thinking of situations of criticism and critique and people who are opposed to you. 00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:13.599 And you want to, you want to kind of just grab them by the face and go, you're wrong. 00:40:14.239 --> 00:40:17.679 I know that you're wrong, and here's why you're wrong. 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:23.519 Entrust yourself to the one who judges justly. 00:40:24.480 --> 00:40:26.880 Their wrongness will be seen eternally. 00:40:27.039 --> 00:40:30.559 You don't need to jump up and down and scream at them to see it now. 00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:35.840 They will see it because God will vindicate you in the end by his grace. 00:40:36.400 --> 00:40:49.760 You will be shown to be righteous, not because you bear a righteousness of your own, but because you've been clothed in the alien, perfect righteousness of Jesus. 00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:52.960 And he will vindicate you. 00:40:53.599 --> 00:41:02.159 And those who have wrongly criticized you will see that as you shine brighter than the noonday sun. 00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:14.960 This is why it is so crucial for us to root ourselves here and now, in the scriptures, in the wisdom that God provides, because otherwise we're just tossed to and fro. 00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:22.079