WEBVTT 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:23.199 We will be reading from Proverbs chapter five this morning from the ESV version. 00:00:24.160 --> 00:00:25.679 If you can turn there with me. 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:31.280 Two things that I wanted to for us to ponder about as we're reading the Word of God this morning. 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:39.439 One of which is all of our ways, all of our ways are before the Lord, and He isn't far off. 00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:43.200 And even in our intimacy, He deeply cares about that. 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:46.719 And He has prescribed what good looks like. 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:49.200 So would we read that this morning? 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:52.399 Proverbs 5. 00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.200 My son, be attentive to my wisdom. 00:00:57.520 --> 00:00:59.920 Incline your ear to my understanding. 00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:04.879 That you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:11.280 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:18.000 But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharper as a two-edged sword. 00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:20.480 Her feet go down to death. 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:23.920 Her steps follow the path to shoal. 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:26.799 She does not ponder the path of life. 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:30.319 Her ways wander, and she does not know it. 00:01:31.120 --> 00:01:37.359 And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 00:01:37.599 --> 00:02:07.280 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others, and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your laborers go to the house of the foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. 00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:12.800 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers, or inclined my ear to my instructors. 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:17.759 I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembly of the congregation. 00:02:18.960 --> 00:02:24.319 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:29.680 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:34.319 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:38.879 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:48.159 A lovely deer, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight, be intoxicated always in her love. 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:53.439 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with the forbidden women? 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:56.719 And embrace the bosom of an adulteress? 00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:04.319 For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all of his paths. 00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:11.520 The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:17.840 He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly, he is led astray. 00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:19.599 And so reads God's word. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:20.800 Welcome to you. 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:22.560 If you joined us while we're singing, my name is Mark. 00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:24.719 I'm one of the leaders here at City. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:28.319 You're very welcome, especially if you're uh new uh or visiting. 00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.199 Please have Proverbs 5 uh open in front of you. 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:33.199 You can pull it up on your on your phone. 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:43.360 Uh either you have a Bible app or you can just search in your browser for Proverbs, Proverbs 5 ESV, and that'll bring you to the translation that we're uh that we're using this morning. 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:48.560 We've been in the book of Proverbs uh really since the the since the start of the the year. 00:03:48.879 --> 00:04:00.719 And uh one of the things that perhaps uh you've begun to notice, and if you haven't, I'm gonna tell you, is that the book of Proverbs is uh a book of wisdom, uh real wisdom for for real life. 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:11.759 It's not kind of um fortune cookie uh sayings, little uh blessed, potpourry scented uh thoughts or sentimental sound bites. 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:17.360 Uh it's a book of deep wisdom, sometimes counterintuitive wisdom. 00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:25.519 It's honest insight, loving guidance for every area of our lives. 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:42.079 And so it's no surprise then that one of the areas in a book about wisdom that uh God, the author of this book, wants to impart to us a wisdom about sex and sexual intimacy. 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:42.959 Welcome to you. 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:48.800 If this is your first uh time with us, uh please do come back. 00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:57.120 Uh of course, because it's such a uh a significant part of our lives. 00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:08.959 Uh, God created sex, he regards it as something that is good, and he knows its power, both for good and uh for ill. 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:23.040 The Bible knows of the longings that we have for intimacy, particularly for sexual intimacy, for the sense of transcendence that sex can offer. 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:31.759 God knows that it's one of, if not the most uh strongest desire that we can have. 00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:39.120 It it drives so much of our uh of our actions, occupies so much of our thinking. 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.560 Sex is like a fire. 00:05:43.279 --> 00:06:06.079 When it is lit and stoked in a fireplace, the fireplace of marriage, it can be fanned into a blaze which warms and comforts and delights, and yet often it is lit outside of that context, and it's like lighting a fire, not in the hearth, but on your living room floor. 00:06:07.279 --> 00:06:17.120 And from there it can lead to great hurt, shame, alienation, guilt, loneliness. 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:22.879 We all need wisdom with regards to sex because we're all sexual fools. 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:30.720 We've all treated sex and our own sexuality foolishly. 00:06:31.839 --> 00:06:41.680 Maybe you grew up in the church or in a uh a context where you were told that sex was something that was pretty it was pretty base. 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:48.480 Sex is dirty, nasty, and wrong, so save it to the for the one that you love more than anybody else. 00:06:50.240 --> 00:07:04.720 But because of that thinking that it is something that is illicit that's caused problems later in life, particularly as you fall in love and and gotten married, you struggle to see the goodness of sexual intimacy. 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:10.800 That's not a wise view of sex that you sadly have imbibed. 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:17.439 Or maybe, like many people, sex is just it, sex is just seen as it's another appetite. 00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:21.199 Uh in about an hour's time, I'll be hungry for lunch. 00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:29.680 Uh, and so I need to fulfill that desire by you know, maybe heading down to the deli diamond dunes and uh getting a sausage roll. 00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:32.160 I have an appetite, and that appetite needs to be satisfied. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:35.839 And this is the same with my with my sex life, sex life and sexual desire. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:40.000 It's an appetite that just needs to be fulfilled. 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:44.399 That's also not a wise view of sex. 00:07:46.399 --> 00:08:00.000 We need wisdom because we've all treated sex and our sexuality foolishly, whether it's with others or on the internet or whatever. 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:03.519 And so all of us carry a little bit of baggage, don't we? 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:06.000 Some of us maybe carry a lot of baggage. 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:08.160 Carry some shame. 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:15.360 We carry some loneliness, some weariness, some longing as a result. 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:26.639 The father this morning in Proverbs chapter 5 doesn't look at you, at us, with judgment. 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:31.600 He doesn't look at you and say, Well, you've been such an idiot. 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:33.440 How dare you have done that? 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:34.799 No, he doesn't do that. 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:49.600 He says, let's let's have a conversation, let's have an honest, frank, wise conversation that might help you to live more wisely in this area. 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:59.840 The father says, Come, learn from me, listen to me, let me impart some advice, some wisdom to you. 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:06.080 And as every good preacher does, I have that in three sections this morning. 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:14.320 Uh, and so the first is this understand the lie behind the lips. 00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:18.159 Understand the lie behind the lips. 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:19.919 Pick it up with me at verse one. 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:30.159 My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion and guard your lip, and your lips may guard knowledge. 00:09:30.399 --> 00:09:44.320 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword, her feet go down to death. 00:09:44.879 --> 00:09:47.679 Her steps follow the path of Sheol. 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:54.720 She does not ponder the path of life, her ways wander, and she does not know it. 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.480 The father here is being proactive. 00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:04.399 He's he's saying, let's let's have a conversation, uh son or daughter. 00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:17.679 It just so happens that these are conversations of fathers and sons, but that is not to say that uh that there are only forbidden women, and so the and so the men need to be careful. 00:10:17.840 --> 00:10:21.759 Now, if you're if you're if you're a lady here, this one just switch the rules. 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:28.320 This could be a mother speaking to a daughter or a father speaking to a daughter, saying, Let me tell you about the strange men that are out there, okay? 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:35.120 So don't just think that this is just advice for guys, and the women are like, oh well, great, so I'm just you know, I'm just a forbidden woman. 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:45.759 But maybe you are, but uh, but that's not primarily what we're going that so you it applies to all of us, and the father is having a proactive conversation. 00:10:46.000 --> 00:10:51.200 And he's saying to his son or daughter, look, this is this is something that you will face. 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:54.480 This is something that is going to happen. 00:10:55.200 --> 00:11:05.519 When somebody comes with words of flattery, sends you that text message that makes you feel all fluttery on the inside. 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:08.320 So that's gonna that's gonna happen. 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:12.399 Let's have a conversation about when it does. 00:11:14.480 --> 00:11:18.159 And there's something in that proactivity that we need to note. 00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:30.000 You know, the conversations that we have with one another, the conversations that we have as parents with our children, they don't need to be lurid, they don't need to be inappropriate, but we do need to talk about them. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.840 The father's being responsible here. 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:49.120 He's saying, I say, I'm gonna get my son, I'm gonna get my daughter, and we're gonna go for coffee or ice cream or whatever it is, and we're gonna have a conversation, an age-appropriate conversation, a conversation that that helps to prepare the path for them to walk along. 00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:52.720 And maybe maybe nobody ever did that with you. 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:55.440 Maybe you actually never had that conversation. 00:11:56.159 --> 00:12:03.919 Well, that's maybe a context in which in your in your community groups as friendships grew up. 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:10.960 Maybe even off the back of the sermon, you say, look, Mark was kind of, he was encouraging us to to chat about stuff. 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:13.679 Could could could we do that? 00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:27.120 Honestly, one of the most life-giving and kind of burden lifting moments was I distinctly remember being kind of 17 years old or so with a couple of two other Christian male Christian friends. 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:30.720 Say, can we talk about stuff on the internet? 00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:32.240 Can we talk about these things? 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:36.399 And they were like, Oh yes, I'm so glad I'm not the only one. 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:47.519 I expect that you would have a similar sort of experience, but the father is proactive in having those conversations. 00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:52.960 And why else does he need to be proactive in speaking about these things? 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:57.120 Well, because other voices are already speaking, have you noticed? 00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:10.559 There are other other voices that are telling us, are telling our kids things about who they are, their sexuality, and how they ought to express themselves. 00:13:10.639 --> 00:13:15.039 There are other voices already speaking, and so it makes sense, doesn't it? 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:19.919 That the father is saying, actually, you're gonna be hearing a whole bunch of other stuff. 00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:25.360 Let me try and impart some wisdom, some godly advice for you. 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:32.480 And so can I encourage honest, appropriate conversations? 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:40.399 In uh in Proverbs 5. 00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:49.120 It is the uh it is the lady's lips that drip honey, those words of flattery. 00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:54.480 But as I said, that does not mean that you shouldn't switch the rules if you're a lady. 00:13:55.440 --> 00:14:00.799 If you're a lady here, switch out uh switch out the the forbidden woman for Mr. 00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:01.679 Wrong. 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:07.360 And hear the wisdom of the father. 00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:12.480 The wisdom here is that he wants us to see the lie that's behind the lips. 00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:20.080 Sexual temptation comes in different ways in different forms and impacts different people in different ways. 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:31.759 Maybe it's the maybe it's the daydream, the fantasy when you're bored, maybe it's the late night scrolling on your phone, and you know where that's going to end up. 00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:41.279 Maybe it's being overly familiar or flirtatious with someone other than who you are married to. 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:48.799 The text that you send that's just a little bit on the line just to see how they'll respond. 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:52.639 It all feels like honey, doesn't it? 00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:56.080 It's exhilarating and enjoyable. 00:14:56.720 --> 00:15:05.440 It's nice to be flattered, it's nice to be regarded as beautiful or handsome or funny or charming. 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:07.840 It feels nice. 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:13.519 And the guard can come down, but there's a lie behind the lips. 00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:17.519 These things, uh sexual sin. 00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:22.720 Promise much and deliver so little. 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:28.159 And this is what the father is saying she promises sweetness. 00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:32.080 What she delivers leaves you bitter. 00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:35.679 Leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mind. 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:44.000 There is perhaps the promise of life, but it delivers and leads to death. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:50.559 The honey that looks so sweet has become so bitter the next morning. 00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:51.519 Why? 00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:54.879 Because there's a lie behind the lips. 00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:16.080 Sex and sexual activity outside of the God-ordained context of marriage often lead us feeling bitter, alone, ashamed, guilty, alienated, cut off from others, unable to speak honestly. 00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:23.440 It damages our relationship with one another, it damages our relationship with God. 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:34.399 And maybe worst of all, what can happen is you might be sitting here thinking, well, I don't I don't feel guilty or ashamed or alone. 00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:39.600 That's maybe the worst thing at all of all, that you feel nothing. 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:49.759 What sex and what illicit sexual activity can do is it can sear our consciences so that we just don't feel anything. 00:16:52.159 --> 00:16:59.519 Our moral senses have become dead long before it leads us to death. 00:17:01.919 --> 00:17:06.960 You know, there's no life to be found where she leads or he leads. 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:09.759 It might seem exciting. 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:14.400 It might seem exhilarating, but it's dangerous. 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:17.039 The father says it's a it's a two-edged sword. 00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:25.599 Maybe you've felt the bitter sting of that in the past. 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:36.160 Adultery, whether physical or emotional or technological, will bring you and your marriage down into the grave. 00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:39.759 Pornography, promiscuity, promise much. 00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:40.559 What do they promise? 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:42.160 They promise freedom. 00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:43.440 They promise control. 00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:47.119 They promise vitality and pleasure. 00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:50.960 And they so often leave us feeling empty. 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:56.400 Helpless, trapped, and alone. 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:07.119 Sometimes we get so trapped that we barely consider the effect that it is having on us. 00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:11.920 We barely consider the effect that it's having on others. 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:26.559 There's a uh there's a great book. 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:34.880 It's not it's not a silver bullet, but it's been helpful uh in the past to to me and to others that I've recommended it to you. 00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:38.960 It's a book by a guy called Tim Chester called Captured by a Better Vision. 00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:41.839 That book by Tim Chester in the first couple of chapters. 00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:47.839 What he does in that book, and you should right now go to Amazon and just order it. 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:53.200 You can you can put it in a brown paper bag as you read it on the bus or on the Lewis. 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:56.640 In the first couple of chapters of that book, do you know what Tim does? 00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:02.480 Tim, Tim tells us some of the stark realities that are behind the porn industry. 00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:11.119 And in doing so, what he does is he just gets a little pipette of wormwood, of bitterness, and he just drops it on your tongue just to reawaken your senses. 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:14.079 Just a little drop on your tongue of, oh, okay. 00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:16.720 There's the lie behind the lips. 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:20.720 It's very arresting. 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:25.920 And then he points us ultimately to the beauty of the Lord Jesus. 00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:32.160 The Father says, you need to know the lie that's behind those honey lips. 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:34.960 And secondly, he says, You need to run. 00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:37.359 You need to run while you still can. 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:39.519 That's my second point. 00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:42.240 Run while you still can, verses 7 to 14. 00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.359 And now, O sons or daughters, listen to me. 00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:47.839 Do not depart from the words of my mouth. 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.039 Keep your way far from her or him. 00:19:51.599 --> 00:20:06.720 Do not go near their house, lest you give your honor to others, lest your years and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take your fill, their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. 00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:20.799 And at the end of your life you groan when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, How I hated discipline, how I despised reproof, I did not listen to the voice of my teachers, or incline my ear to my instructors. 00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:24.799 And I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:31.039 The father says, Understand the lie behind those lips, and run while you still can. 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:43.599 The father sees, as it were, a cliff edge, that he knows that if his son or daughter gets too too close to it, the ground beneath their feet is going to crumble and they're going to get dashed on the rocks below. 00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:48.480 And he says, Don't go near it, run as far away from it as you can. 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:54.720 Because if you don't run now, you might find that in the end you have no strength left to run at all. 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:05.359 And he outlines in verses 8 to 14 the kinds of the kinds of things that that sexual sin saps and takes from us. 00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:07.839 Your honor. 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:10.480 It affects your reputation. 00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:15.200 It affects your standing in the community. 00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:18.880 Your vitality. 00:21:20.079 --> 00:21:23.920 It saps your motivation physically. 00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:27.279 It saps your motivation spiritually. 00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:35.759 It is impossible to masturbate and have a glorious life-giving, joy-giving prayer life. 00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:40.799 Nobody does that and then runs to Jesus and goes, I'd just love to really spend some time in prayer with you. 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:45.759 It saps your vitality, our strength. 00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:52.000 The word strength here is literally splendor, your dignity. 00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:54.400 Why should you give up pornography? 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:59.440 Because it is below your dignity as a son or daughter of the king. 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:02.240 You are a prince, a princess. 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:07.279 Why would you give your splendor, your dignity to this? 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:09.839 Your labor. 00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:12.799 That is your your wealth. 00:22:13.039 --> 00:22:14.240 I was reading this week. 00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:17.279 I didn't uh I didn't realize uh this. 00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:22.400 I knew that Tiger Woods was divorced, but do you know that uh what his divorce settlement was? 00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:24.079 Any golfers in? 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:28.720 Or indeed, just you know, people who are interested in divorces. 00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:33.279 Um how much he paid his wife? 00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:36.480 $750 million. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:45.599 In the understanding that she would not speak publicly about his affairs. 00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:48.240 Takes your labor. 00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:55.200 And in the end result, you find that you are just worn out, you're utterly spent. 00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:03.519 Uh Lord Byron, the romantic poet, uh, wrote this on his 36th birthday. 00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:06.400 Uh, Ray Ortland quotes this in his book on the Proverbs. 00:23:06.559 --> 00:23:07.599 Uh he was 36. 00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:10.000 That's two years younger than I am. 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:12.880 Um I know, don't I look great? 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:19.680 Um his 36th birthday, he says, My days are in the yellow leaf. 00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:24.079 The flowers and fruits of love are gone. 00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:31.200 The worm, the canker, and the grief are mine alone. 00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:32.559 Thirty-six. 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:41.599 Any desire for love is gone, and all he is left is with an STI and loneliness. 00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:47.920 A couple of months ago there was a story doing the rhymes of a young woman. 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:51.599 If if you have no idea what this story is, don't go googling it. 00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:56.480 Um don't say, my pastor was talking about okay, so you're so forewarned. 00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:04.640 Um, there's a story doing around in kind of conservative media circles uh of a lady called Lily Phillips. 00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:09.599 And Lily Phillips did this, uh did this thing where she slept with 100 men in 24 hours. 00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:13.519 And uh there was a documentary crew that was following her. 00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:34.799 I have not watched the documentary, um, but I have uh watched a little clip that there is on uh on YouTube where actually she she at the end of that ordeal, the documentary filmmaker asks her what that experience was was like. 00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:37.920 And do you know what she says? 00:24:39.519 --> 00:24:44.640 She says, it was not what I expected. 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:48.799 It was a lot more intense than I expected. 00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:52.319 And then she breaks down and cries. 00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:56.160 And the documentary cuts to black. 00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:17.440 Perhaps tragically, just for a moment, you saw there in Lily Phillips' world, just the pain and the trauma and the shame, the guilt, the low the aloneness. 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:20.319 Just kind of bubble to the surface a little bit. 00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:22.079 So often that's the case, isn't it? 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:32.000 That we kind of go through our lives and we have we make these decisions that lead us down kind of foolish paths, and we've got to kind of double down all the time. 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:41.359 It's a little bit like we're constantly kind of pushing this beach ball under the water, hoping that nobody sees what's really going on, nobody sees the stuff that we're actually carrying. 00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:45.119 And then somebody sometime asks us a question. 00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:49.920 And before we've even realized it, that beach ball's popped back to the surface of the water. 00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:52.480 We're like, where did where did that come from? 00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:55.119 Well, because it's because it's there. 00:25:56.640 --> 00:25:59.519 So often we cover over, we push it down. 00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:06.000 Because the the pain, the shame, is too much to contend with. 00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:10.400 You can think, well, if I if I started talking about this, I would never I'd never stop. 00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:26.720 The thought of admitting to yourself that you're exhausted from secret sin and trying to hold everything together might just feel overwhelming. 00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:30.799 Can I offer you a word of comfort? 00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:39.839 Every single person here is broken sexually. 00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:44.079 Every single person here is a sexual fool. 00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:46.880 We all carry secrets. 00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:48.720 We all carry shame. 00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:51.440 We all carry things that we're not proud of. 00:26:53.519 --> 00:27:00.880 And you might not have the energy to run from that door anymore. 00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:06.160 But there's someone looking for you. 00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:09.440 Maybe you cannot run. 00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:23.200 Or perhaps like the prodigal son or daughter, you can limp, you can stagger, you can stagger back to the one who's looking for you. 00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:29.920 Though you feel empty, though you feel ashamed or alone, he's looking for you. 00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:33.519 He's longing for your return. 00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:45.839 Dan Steele, who was our weekend away speaker last week, on his uh social media page posted uh uh an Ash Wednesday sonnet, which I just I quite liked. 00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:50.720 It was written actually by somebody in the church that he goes to, a lady called Ruby Dunn. 00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:53.759 Uh, and I'm gonna share it with you. 00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:57.599 It's called Prodigal Sonnet. 00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:01.680 I'm coming home for food, Father. 00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:05.759 And we do not always stand upright. 00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:09.759 I'm coming home for food, not for any other thing. 00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:13.519 No restoration, no robe, no ring. 00:28:13.920 --> 00:28:15.359 I've learned to beg. 00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:17.279 I've not yet begun. 00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:20.640 I'm coming home only for food, father. 00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:23.920 And yet you run. 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:31.839 The arms of Jesus are open wide for every sexual fool. 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:35.680 He will embrace everyone. 00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:50.960 His mercy will wipe away every tear, his grace bind up every wound, his life restore every weary soul, and his love satisfy every longing. 00:28:51.440 --> 00:28:57.039 Perhaps you are at a place where you do not feel like you can run very fast or very far. 00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:00.640 He's looking for you. 00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:03.119 He will run to you. 00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:08.160 Understand the lie behind the lips. 00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:10.240 Run while you still can. 00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:17.839 And then finally, delight in God's good design. 00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:24.000 I know that all of that was quite quite heavy. 00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:36.480 But God doesn't just come to us and say, you need to, you need to remove this thing from your heart and then leave a vacuum there. 00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:48.880 No, he says, look, there's stuff that needs to be removed from our hearts, and then I'm going to flood it with something that is more joy-giving, more satisfying. 00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:54.960 Let's pick it up in uh verse 15. 00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:00.720 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 00:30:00.880 --> 00:30:10.880 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be for yourself alone, not for strangers with ye. 00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:18.400 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. 00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:25.440 Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight, be intoxicated always in her love. 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.240 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman? 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:36.000 And they embrace and embrace the bosom of an adulteress. 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:40.799 Delight in God's good design. 00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:46.960 God does not simply call us from something, he calls us to something here. 00:30:50.799 --> 00:31:08.640 You folks outside the church perhaps think that Christians are prudish or repressed when it comes to sex, and yet survey after survey shows that Christians have far more frequent, meaningful, and satisfying sex than non-Christians. 00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:10.720 So there. 00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:20.240 So the Father isn't just calling us from illicit sex because he's a killjoy. 00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:28.480 No, he's saying find joy and delight in biblical God-glorifying sex. 00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:33.279 This is positive sexual wisdom. 00:31:33.519 --> 00:31:34.799 So what does that look like? 00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:36.880 Well, this last point has three subpoints. 00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:37.920 Haha, tricked you. 00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:44.640 Briefly, though, what does positive sexual wisdom look like? 00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:48.079 Well, first of all, it is exclusive. 00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:54.160 We share our sexuality with spouses, not strangers. 00:31:54.799 --> 00:31:59.440 A husband belongs only to his wife. 00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:03.759 A wife belongs only to her husband. 00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:12.240 Wise sex, joyful sex, life-giving sex is exclusive sex. 00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:20.880 And for those who are single here this morning, who think, well, I'm really glad I came to church today. 00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:28.000 Well, this is this is what you are called to and called to aspire to. 00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.759 Water in the streets satisfies no one. 00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:40.400 But water in the well of marriage, where you can drink deeply, satisfy your every longing. 00:32:43.839 --> 00:33:09.839 And so I'd encourage you that if if marriage is not yet a season that you find yourself in, but something that you aspire to, one of the ways that you can integrate the wisdom from this passage is by seeking to uh mitigate and to limit the amount of baggage, trauma, hurt that needs to be processed in the context of marriage. 00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:14.319 I mean, I often I do marriage prep frequently with couples. 00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:45.839 And often there is there are things to be processed in terms of what has happened in the past, and that has that is brought in wrong views of either themselves, their own bodies, their own holiness, their own worthiness of love, or it has created a wrong view of sex, where actually it was it was conducted in an illicit way, and so it still feels wrong in the context of marriage. 00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:57.680 The aspiration within marriage, Genesis 2.25, the very last verse of Genesis 2, before the snake ever enters the garden, remember what it says? 00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:00.880 The man and woman were naked together and felt no shame. 00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:02.720 That's the aspiration. 00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:13.760 That you would be naked with your spouse and feel no shame, vulnerable, and yet it feeled like the most normal thing in the world. 00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:25.360 And even if marriage is not something that God has for us, all of this wisdom language around sex and intimacy. 00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:32.960 People think, oh, you know, the song the book of the Song of Songs is uh is the Christian, is the Christian sex manual in the Bible. 00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.400 No, it's actually not quite that. 00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:52.480 All of these things are pictures, they're shadows in time of deeper realities, of an exclusive intimacy between Christ and his people. 00:34:55.119 --> 00:34:59.199 That he alone is for us. 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.480 He goes after no other bride. 00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:24.719 He loves you and you alone, he loves us and us alone, and he offers himself to us as the source of our delight, more than the honey lips of false gods, more than the honey lips of our careers or of money or of power or of even sex itself. 00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:28.880 Why's sex is exclusive? 00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:36.000 Secondly, why sex is ecstatic? 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:37.679 What is sex for? 00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:46.079 Well, certainly it is for the creation of other little people, is absolutely for the creation of new life. 00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:54.880 But there's no denying from here and from other parts of the Bible that one of the purposes behind sex is for pleasure. 00:35:55.360 --> 00:36:01.199 And that ought to be embraced by married Christian couples. 00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:09.440 Did you notice that actually this advice is kind of couched as a prayer? 00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:13.039 It's like, may this be the case. 00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:17.360 You let them be for yourself alone. 00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:22.559 Let your founding be blessed, let her breast fill you at all times with delight. 00:36:22.719 --> 00:36:41.280 That it's the father is praying this for his son, that this was what would mark his or her married life, that the son would delight in his wife always, rejoicing over her, finding her irresistible. 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.480 And the same is true for Christian wives. 00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:54.639 To regard their husbands as, well, as we are, the very essence of masculine beauty and vigor. 00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:10.320 Every wise father is saying, or the wise father here is saying, don't get bored, don't become discontent, don't take it for granted. 00:37:14.639 --> 00:37:28.400 After years of marriage, the beauty and the the allure and the draw, it takes on new dimensions and aspects. 00:37:31.360 --> 00:38:01.760 But our love deepens often because of the things that you and your spouse have travailed together, the things that you have overcome together, the stormy seasons that you have weathered together, and so while our looks may fade and hairs may grey, there is still delight there because of how the Lord has led you both together. 00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:06.719 Do not take the beauty of your spouse for granted, celebrate it. 00:38:06.800 --> 00:38:11.039 That's you know, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. 00:38:11.119 --> 00:38:17.760 I kind of you might not go walking through the Phoenix Park and go, ah, that makes me think of my spouse. 00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:20.880 But it's because that would be odd, wouldn't it? 00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:30.239 Um but it's like it's almost it's not almost otherworldly, because um unless it is the deer in the Phoenix Park, you can't just rock up to them. 00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:35.519 They're kind of precious, beautiful. 00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:40.320 The father's saying, son, delight over your wife. 00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:43.199 Wife, delight over your husband. 00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:45.840 Tell him he looks handsome this morning. 00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:49.280 Tell her that she looks beautiful today. 00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:55.440 Where the honey of the strange woman left a bitter aftertaste. 00:38:56.079 --> 00:39:03.360 Here we are called to be intoxicated with the refreshing water of our spouse. 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:13.360 This delight, this ecstatic delight in our spouse is never demanding. 00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:15.280 Do you hear that? 00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:17.519 It's never demanding. 00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:21.840 Nor is it ever demeaning. 00:39:25.039 --> 00:39:33.920 Still less is it ever domineering, never ever can I say, do not use sex as a power play in your relationship. 00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:37.280 I will give you this if you do this. 00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:41.519 That is foolish sex. 00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:48.000 Why sex is delighting, it is ecstatic. 00:39:48.159 --> 00:39:55.039 And then thirdly, finally, it is continuous. 00:39:57.679 --> 00:39:58.960 Verse nineteen. 00:40:01.119 --> 00:40:05.440 You think, oh, we're really we're really camping on on this verse. 00:40:06.320 --> 00:40:08.559 But look at the timestamps. 00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:10.559 All times. 00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:12.559 Always. 00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:22.800 Wisdom for married sex is that it should take place continually. 00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:28.159 We are to drink deep. 00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:32.079 There are no two drink limits in marriage. 00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:34.639 Ah, look, of course. 00:40:36.239 --> 00:40:45.760 There are seasons and times when intimacy is lessened because of circumstances or sickness. 00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:47.519 Of course, that is true. 00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:49.760 Delight is not demanding. 00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:55.119 Well, I know you're sick, but Mark said continually, no. 00:40:56.480 --> 00:40:57.920 Don't do that, right? 00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:05.360 Of course, you have wisdom and care for those whom we love. 00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:18.400 But it is also true that those times should be temporary, as temporary as the Lord allows and as is possible, in order that you might come back and delight in one another again. 00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:25.760 Moreover, again, I don't want to caveat this all away, but I know that everybody hears, well, what about this? 00:41:26.079 --> 00:41:26.719 I get it. 00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:27.840 I understand. 00:41:29.360 --> 00:41:38.159 You know, of course, there are there are going to be medical time, medical reasons, psychological reasons, spiritual reasons that make intimacy difficult. 00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:44.159 My encouragement to you is don't just let that be your lot. 00:41:45.119 --> 00:42:01.599 As far as it is dependent upon you, seek advice, counsel, help, treatment, intervention, that you can be cared for and that perhaps sometime, somehow, the light again might be possible. 00:42:04.079 --> 00:42:14.880 But all those caveats aside, do not let the fire that is in the hearth of your marriage die down to embers. 00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:19.039 Get the bellows out, just stoke those flames. 00:42:20.400 --> 00:42:25.840 Warm your family life and one another by your love. 00:42:27.920 --> 00:42:36.559 The father in the end brings his son back to a warning in verses 20 to uh to twenty three. 00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:45.360 And he's essentially saying to his son, look, why would you get intoxicated by moonshine? 00:42:45.519 --> 00:42:46.639 You know what moonshine is? 00:42:46.800 --> 00:42:50.159 Kind of potching, kind of uh illicit liquor. 00:42:50.320 --> 00:42:57.199 Why would you get intoxicated by moonshine when you have when you have a fine cabernet at home? 00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:06.880