WEBVTT 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:24.239 Today's reading comes from 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 25 to 40. 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:34.079 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who, by the Lord's mercy, is trustworthy. 00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:39.439 I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. 00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:41.280 Are you bound to a wife? 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:43.200 Do not seek to be free. 00:00:43.439 --> 00:00:44.880 Are you free from a wife? 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:46.640 Do not seek a wife. 00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:52.799 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:57.679 Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 00:00:58.079 --> 00:00:59.840 This is what I mean, brothers. 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:02.399 The appointed time has grown very short. 00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:19.680 From now on, let those who have wives live as though they have none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:23.120 For the present form of this world is passing away. 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:26.000 I want you to be free from anxieties. 00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:36.959 The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord, but the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:44.159 And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. 00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:49.359 But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:58.799 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:09.840 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes, let him marry. 00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:10.960 It is no sin. 00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:23.280 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:30.319 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. 00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:38.159 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. 00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:42.159 Yet in my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is. 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:46.240 And I think that I too have the Spirit of God, and so reads God's word. 00:02:56.080 --> 00:03:04.159 We've spent the last eight weeks looking at uh gender, sex, sexuality, men and women, uh, all of uh all of those things. 00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:06.319 I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:10.719 Um and uh and so we conclude that this week. 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:15.599 Next week we begin our uh our summer series in the book of Psalms. 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:27.039 Uh we started six or seven years ago in Psalm 1, and we just do Psalm every week, and uh we pick that up next week for Psalm 68 68. 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:31.759 Uh and so Peter is going to be preaching and gonna be off for a couple of Sundays. 00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:39.520 Uh every week I've been uh encouraging you to check out the book table that's there uh at the Connect uh space. 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:57.599 Let me mention one that is going to uh help with your thinking on this week's topic, which is a book by a guy called Sam Albury, uh entitled Seven Myths About Singleness, uh, because that is our final topic, an idea this morning, uh thinking about singleness. 00:03:57.680 --> 00:03:59.840 Uh, let me give you a rundown of some of the chapter titles. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:02.800 Singleness is too hard is myth number one. 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.039 Singleness requires a special calling. 00:04:05.199 --> 00:04:07.120 Singleness means no intimacy. 00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:10.240 Singleness wastes your sexuality. 00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:12.000 Singleness is easy. 00:04:12.159 --> 00:04:13.439 And so it goes on. 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:16.160 Uh, all that to say, that's what we're going to be talking about. 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:18.319 As we conclude, if you're married, don't switch off. 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:19.040 Stay with us. 00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:28.000 Uh, I'm sure that there, uh, in fact, I insist that there will be things that are important for uh for those who are married uh to hear. 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:36.240 Uh historically, the church has swung uh between the two extremes of viewing uh marriage and singleness. 00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:41.839 It used to be that uh the single people were the elevated holy ones. 00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:44.879 Uh they were the holiest people in the church. 00:04:44.959 --> 00:05:03.920 If you remained single and celibate in uh in the offices of uh of City Church over in the Irish Church Missions building, uh there is a basement which I've taken you some down, uh some of you down into uh to kind of see the kind of the catacombs, but there's lots of old books there. 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:15.279 And uh one of my favorite uh books is uh a book entitled uh The Goodness of Sacerdotal Celibacy, that is priestly celibacy. 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:19.040 Um there's a reason why I think that that book is out of print. 00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:34.240 Uh because the second mistake is the pendulum swings and we elevate marriage above all else, making it the ultimate form of uh of existence, particularly within the church. 00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:39.279 Uh that if you're single, your your life is kind of in a holding pattern. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:46.639 It's circling the uh the airport, waiting to land on the glorious one runway of married life. 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:57.680 Uh and so uh and so people say things, oh you know, still still single, you haven't found anybody yet, uh, and other annoying things like that. 00:05:58.079 --> 00:06:05.759 Uh there is a uh there was a 20s and 30s ministry uh in a church uh that uh that I was aware of. 00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:13.759 I didn't attend, I mustn't insist on uh on pointing out, but a 20s and 30s ministry in London, uh, which was entitled Pears and Spares. 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.279 Ooh, yeah, we're not gonna pick that name. 00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:18.720 Don't don't worry. 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:23.439 Um because that's you that's the elevation of marriage, right? 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:27.439 Seeing it as the uh as the most holy estate. 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:33.199 Now, uh let's just say the people approach uh singleness differently. 00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:37.680 There are, I am sure, some quite happy and contented singles. 00:06:37.839 --> 00:06:53.920 They enjoy the the freedom that it affords, the uh the disposable income, assuming you don't live in Dublin, um, the the autonomy that it affords them uh to be able to go and travel the world and uh and see things, hang out with with friends. 00:06:54.160 --> 00:07:07.279 And then there are those who are uh, shall we say, reluctant singles, those who who long uh to be married, to the point where it became it can become quite painful even to talk about this this morning. 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:17.439 And I want to acknowledge that the idea of uh of remaining single is something that is quite uh painful. 00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:30.639 And then there are those who, by circumstances, find themselves single, those who have been widowed, or those who sadly whose marriages have broken down and who are divorced now. 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:39.040 They know what it is to be married, and yet that season, for whatever reason, has now ended. 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:46.319 And they have to navigate the complicated spiritual and emotional uh landscape that that then creates. 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:53.920 As a consequence, then different singles have different pressures. 00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:59.279 For some, it's loneliness and the desire for a spouse or for children. 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:11.040 For many, it's the, like I said, the foolish comments in in churches and among Christians being set up and being people trying to pair you off. 00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:32.720 And yet, for the person who enjoys being single, perhaps some of the greatest pressures can be that temptation towards selfishness and getting stuck in your own ways and not finding it easy to then to accommodate others. 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:39.200 So, how do we navigate this these issues as Christians? 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:51.600 Well, first of all, from our passage this morning, Paul would say, Look, rather than elevating one over the other, you're kind of free to do what you choose. 00:08:52.480 --> 00:09:02.720 Paul begins in verse 25 by saying, Now, concerning the betrothed, that is, those who are engaged to get to get married, congratulations again to Andrea and to and to Amber. 00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:06.159 Uh the irony is not lost on me. 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:10.639 Um the that this is what we're talking about today. 00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:20.080 Uh now concerning the betrothed, he says, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:20.960 What's Paul saying there? 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:31.039 Paul's saying there is, there's no there's no right or wrong prescription, thus saith the Lord, this is what you must do. 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:33.919 It's wisdom. 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:35.919 It's a bit like the book of Proverbs. 00:09:36.080 --> 00:09:41.360 The book of Proverbs is, you know, you read something like Proverbs uh 25. 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:50.799 Proverbs 25, and around kind of verse 5, it says, uh, do not answer a fool according to his folly, uh, lest he be thought wise in his own eyes. 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:58.240 And then verse 6 says, but answer a fool according to his folly, lest his foolishness spread. 00:09:58.480 --> 00:10:00.399 You can say, Well, which one is it? 00:10:00.559 --> 00:10:02.720 Is that not a contradiction? 00:10:02.879 --> 00:10:10.799 Like literally, one verse after that says, Don't answer a fool according to his folly, and then the very next verse, make sure that he uh he answers a fool according to his folly. 00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:12.159 What's Proverbs doing? 00:10:12.399 --> 00:10:16.960 Proverbs is saying, here's how to exercise some wisdom in a situation. 00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:31.519 Here's some principles that you and so sometimes, so so so take the Proverbs example, somebody's kind of you know, kind of blowing off and uh and pontificating, and you kind of just think the best thing that I can do is just not answer that at all. 00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:33.360 Just gonna let that one go. 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:37.759 That's that's the key verse for your use of social media, right? 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:41.279 Comment sections and things that do not answer a fool according to his folly. 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:45.360 Yeah, somebody's wrong on the internet, let them be wrong on the internet. 00:10:45.759 --> 00:10:57.440 And then sometimes, other times, you think, oh no, actually, what they're saying and the context in which they're saying it is uh it's actually quite damaging and disruptive to other people. 00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:03.679 And so it's important that I gently uh but firmly and clearly answer this. 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:06.320 It's wisdom. 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:15.200 The Bible is full of wisdom, and 1 Corinthians 7 is a wisdom chapter, it's not a this is what you must do. 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:28.720 It's like here's some of the principles for working out life as a Christian in the various stages of life, rather than, oh, everybody should remain single, or everybody should be getting married. 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:33.600 So I have no command from the Lord, but I've been proven as one trustworthy by the Lord. 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:36.799 And so I'm gonna give you my judgment, I'm gonna give you my counsel. 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:38.720 That's what Paul is saying. 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:46.480 And in essence, he is he begins by saying, look, you're kind of free to do what you choose. 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:53.360 If you're betrothed and you can stay engaged and uh and not fall into sexual sin, then then all the better, stay as you are. 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:58.639 Uh, but if you if you really want to get married, that's there's no sin in that either. 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:01.120 You're free. 00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:08.000 Now, to our modern ears, this idea of being told that you're free doesn't sound like very much of a big deal. 00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:11.679 You're like, well, yeah, like of course I'm free. 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:20.639 But to the Corinthian Christians of the first century, this was pretty groundbreaking stuff, especially for the women. 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:23.360 Especially for the women. 00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:37.360 You see, in the ancient world, marriage was hugely important for women because it was the way that they gained a bit of social standing, economic security within the community. 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:44.080 Not being married was a sign of social failure and deficiency. 00:12:44.720 --> 00:12:52.480 A woman who went on to be without a family, who didn't get married, was something of a uh of an oddity, a social outcast. 00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:56.960 And so Paul comes into that situation and says, You want to remain single? 00:12:57.679 --> 00:12:59.759 There's no necessary sin in that. 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:07.120 It's quite groundbreaking and dignifying, particularly, of single women. 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:10.559 And Paul tackles it head on. 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:19.759 He sees not only is singleness as a valid option, but as you got a sense perhaps from reading the passage, it might even be a preferable one. 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:24.480 So you think of uh of something like verse 38 of 1 Corinthians 7. 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:32.879 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. 00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:43.200 Rather than seeing singleness as the uh as the circling the airport of life waiting to waiting to land into the bliss of marriage, Paul's actually saying, Do you know what? 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:46.159 That might even be better right now that you're single. 00:13:46.399 --> 00:13:50.080 That might even be preferable for your life. 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:52.000 Isn't that unusual? 00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:55.360 Now, how can this be true? 00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:01.679 What makes Paul able to elevate singleness and single people to this extent? 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:05.519 Well, I think there's two things going on behind it. 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:27.039 The first is that there's this Christian understanding, and we talked about it a lot in the first two sermons in the him and her uh series, is that every human individual is an image-bearer of God without deficiency. 00:14:27.440 --> 00:14:38.399 That it's not that you know when you get married, you so you suddenly are completed, that that's when you uh you you really realize your humanity. 00:14:38.559 --> 00:14:42.480 Now, there is particular things to be lived into in marriage. 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:55.919 That is not to contradict what I've said previously, but this idea of saying that that somehow your uh your image baredness is uh you know, is un it's unloaded or unfulfilled is wrong. 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:08.000 That there is inherent value and dignity in each independent individual, regardless of social status or relationship status. 00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:24.399 Well, the church has made single people therefore feel lesser, or like they are deficient, the church must we must repent of that. 00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:28.000 That is not a right attitude. 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:39.840 We do not see single people as lesser because we don't see that people need to be in a relationship in order to validate their existence. 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:48.720 The second reason why Paul can say this is because of the fundamental relationship that every Christian enjoys. 00:15:49.360 --> 00:16:01.360 76 times in the writing of Paul, uh he describes the relationship of the Christian to Jesus as one who is in Christ, in Christo, or in him. 00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:16.639 That is fundamental to understanding of what it means to be a Christian is that we are related to, connected with, inseparable from our Lord Jesus Christ. 00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:38.320 What that means is that every believer, married or single, is in the most satisfying, permanent, accepting, loving relationship that they will ever enter into. 00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:50.159 That every believer, whether married or single, is enjoying the relationship to which marriage points. 00:16:50.960 --> 00:17:10.319 Marriage is just a picture played out in the world of our relationship with Jesus, the one who unconditionally accepts us, who has served us wonderfully by taking our sin and making us his own. 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:32.079 Every Christian, married or single, is already in the most enduringly satisfying relationship that they will ever experience, and it is one that will continue into eternity and get better as we go on from the shores of this life. 00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:40.720 So Paul elevates singleness and still contends that marriage is legitimate and good. 00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:48.720 Traditional cultures elevate marriage, the church tends to elevate marriage. 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:54.799 But our world more and more has tended to denigrate marriage and elevate singleness. 00:17:54.960 --> 00:18:00.160 People have extended their uh their singleness longer and longer. 00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:06.480 Uh, as societies have become more progressive, people are uh people are getting married later and later. 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:13.200 What is needed here is a sense of biblical wisdom and and balance. 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:20.079 That both singleness and marriage can be pursued for right or wrong reasons. 00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:30.000 You can marry selfishly and foolishly, you can remain single selfishly and foolishly. 00:18:32.319 --> 00:18:38.079 And yet, done as a desire to follow Jesus, both can be done in a way that honors God. 00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:53.599 Married people need to understand that their marriage, as important as it is for the flourishing and furthering of human society, is not actually ultimate. 00:18:55.599 --> 00:19:01.599 That our stable core identity is not given to us by our spouse, but by Jesus. 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:15.039 So any sense that we would look down on those who are singles or or or or try and uh and or try and kind of cajole them into marriage would be to miss the point. 00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:34.400 Equally, while marriage uh might be something to be desired and is a positive good uh for people in society, by which I mean Christian marriage, it's not something to be idolized, as it will not last into eternity. 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:39.680 And that's the point that Paul picks up in verses 29 to 31. 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:44.880 He says, This is what I mean, brothers, the appointed time has grown very short. 00:19:45.039 --> 00:20:09.839 From now on, let those who live as wives, uh sorry, live as wives, let those who live who have wives live as though they have none, and those who mourn as though they are not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and uh those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it, for the present form of this world is passing away. 00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:24.000 What Paul is not saying is, yeah, husbands, you know, if you're married, you go home now and you just ignore your wife for the rest of the day or whatever, and say, Well, I'm following, you know, 1 Corinthians 7 verses uh 30, uh 30 uh 29 to 31. 00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:29.440 No, he's saying that the resurrection of Jesus means that uh the old order is passing away. 00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:39.440 Jesus is coming back, and so we don't regard the things of this world as uh as ultimate or as eternal. 00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:45.680 Your relationship will not last forever, your business will not endure forever. 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:55.200 The only institution, organization that will endure into eternity is the church because it's Christ's and he takes it on into the new heavens and the new earth. 00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:58.079 Everything else is is passing away. 00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.839 Those who mourn, they will not mourn forever. 00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:05.599 This is the perspective of the gospel. 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:14.880 So we don't just look at the here and now and let it well up in us, all of uh this discontentment. 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:21.680 But we look to that future day and allow that to shape and to impact how we live now. 00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:34.880 So the first point is that you are free if you are single, free to do what you choose with the biblical wisdom that God has given you. 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:44.480 Secondly, I think that Paul would say that every stage of life has both blessings and burdens. 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:49.599 Every stage of life has both blessings and burdens. 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:59.519 One of the things that we have a tendency to do, uh, regardless of what stage of life that we're in, is we can become discontented and envious of. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.359 Of others. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:10.319 I don't know about you, but I know that personally I am so given to looking at the grass on the other side and say that that's greener. 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:14.240 If only I had that. 00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:17.279 You're in this room this morning. 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:20.640 There are single people, there are engaged people. 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.319 Congratulations again, Andre. 00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:27.440 There are people who are married who don't have kids yet. 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:29.920 There are parents of young children. 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:32.960 They're the ones who are falling asleep at the back. 00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:36.720 And then there are parents of older kids. 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:45.359 And what can happen is that everyone looks at everybody else and goes, oh, I'd much rather be in that stage of life. 00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:52.799 Single person can look at the uh at the engaged person and say, Oh, I'd love to be, I'd love to be planning a wedding. 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.000 The engaged person is like, oh, engagement sucks. 00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:58.000 Like there's so much work to do. 00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:00.319 And you get none of the advantages of being married. 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.160 I can't wait to be married. 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:07.200 The parent with small children thinks, will I ever sleep again? 00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:10.480 Uh will I ever eat in a restaurant again? 00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:14.799 Will I ever come to a cinema when there isn't church in it again? 00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:20.720 I can't wait until the kids are sleeping through the night, not wedding the bed. 00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:22.640 I can't wait until they're a bit older. 00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:34.160 And then you get to the parents of teenagers or grown-up children, and they're looking back to the young parents going, Oh, I wish they were small again. 00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:37.920 Why are they they're leaving the house? 00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:40.559 But remember, look at the pictures. 00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:44.319 Everybody's looking at the greener grass. 00:23:47.440 --> 00:23:53.759 Yes, there are advantages to the stages of life that we find ourselves in. 00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:58.400 But none of them are without their challenges either. 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:05.519 Marriage is uh is yes, it has its advantages, but it's one of the hardest things you'll do. 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:13.680 Being married is like uh is like having a um a magnifying glass placed over uh your soul. 00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:28.160 Um because it magnifies all of the the good stuff in you, and it brings that to the fore, and that's great, but it also magnifies all of the stuff that you rather wasn't in there, all of the selfishnesses. 00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:32.559 And if you really want to turn up the magnification, have children. 00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:36.559 Because that's when the selfishness really comes out. 00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:42.880 When you're covered in name that bodily fluid at two o'clock in the morning, you just think I can't do this anymore. 00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:44.480 Why did I pick this? 00:24:45.519 --> 00:24:48.559 All the single people are like, yeah, I'm really glad. 00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:50.640 And so this is great. 00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:56.720 Blessings and challenges. 00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:05.200 If you get married, you will have to make sacrifices. 00:25:05.839 --> 00:25:09.680 You have to think about others, you'll have to endure pain and difficulty. 00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:16.240 This is what uh Paul is uh is talking about, wherein he says in verse 32, you know, I want you to be free from anxieties. 00:25:16.319 --> 00:25:17.680 Um, good luck, Paul. 00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:26.799 Um, and unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord, uh, but the married man is worried about worldly things and how to please his wife. 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:31.599 That is that the married person uh has has additional layers of complexity. 00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:36.079 That's not to say, not saying that that a single person's life is straightforward, right? 00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:43.119 It's not saying that, but I'm saying that there are peculiar, particular complexities that come with being married. 00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:56.079 And to just look and go, well, I would rather be in that stage, and I'd rather see the grass as greener, is to think wrongly of the stage of life that God has put you in. 00:25:57.759 --> 00:26:06.559 So in the meantime, Paul would say to uh to the singles, uh do not just see the challenges, but enjoy the blessings. 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:11.839 Singleness really is a gift. 00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:15.279 That there is something good about it. 00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:18.480 And you say you said here you might say, Well, it's good, you know, it's all right for you. 00:26:18.559 --> 00:26:24.160 You're married and you can have sex and you've got children, and you know, well, how can you say you know singleness is a gift? 00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:26.319 Well, I'm not. 00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:33.200 Paul, the single guy, is and Jesus the single guy would. 00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:34.960 It's not just me. 00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:37.039 Right? 00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:45.440 You say that it is a gift, and when he says that it's a gift, it's not like a it's not like the kind of the crappy sweater that your grandmother gives you. 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:46.880 He's saying, oh, thanks. 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:49.519 So you know, where's the rest where's the receipt? 00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:51.200 I'd like to take that back. 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:57.200 So what are the freedoms then to being single? 00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:02.400 Well, like I say, this freedom from some uh particular anxieties. 00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.200 That isn't to say that it is easy to be single. 00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:11.599 I hope that I'm uh emphasizing that point suitably so that I don't uh get mobbed afterwards. 00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:17.519 But there are layers of complexity that a person is free from from not being married. 00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:25.599 When you're married, you and your spouse travels, you worry, are they okay? 00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:27.200 You know, I haven't heard from them today. 00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.079 There are extra levels of concern. 00:27:32.079 --> 00:27:39.839 Paul here is therefore not saying that one stage of life is good and the other is bad, or that singleness is easy and the marriage is hard. 00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:47.599 But he's making the point that when we're married, there are particular concerns and anxieties that a single person is freed from. 00:27:49.200 --> 00:27:55.680 And that can be enjoyed and used for God's glory. 00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:07.200 We then also, the single person has the freedom to care for others, to devote themselves more fully to the service of the Lord. 00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:09.680 That's what he means in verse 32. 00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:15.599 The unmarried person is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:25.759 One of the um, there's this great series of uh of books that uh is short children's stories, but I find them very informative as well. 00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:33.920 Um, because that's kind of my that's my reading level currently, um, of uh of women who do great things for God. 00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:50.640 And so there's just looking at the back page, there's those uh there's Cory Timboom, uh there's uh one on her uh Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Gladys Allwood, uh Betty Green, Fanny Crosby, uh, and all these women who have done wonderful things for the kingdom of God. 00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:55.119 And uh we picked up one recently uh about a lady called Helen Roosevere. 00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:59.599 And uh I had the great fortune of knowing Helen a little bit. 00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:09.680 Helen was a uh a medical missionary to the Democratic Republic of Congo, and she became a follower of the Lord Jesus at a at a young age. 00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:14.720 And if you were to read her uh autobiography, she's a three-part autobiography. 00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:17.839 The first one is called Give Me This Mountain. 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:22.240 Uh this was called, and the second one's called Um He Gave Us a Valley. 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:24.799 Um, and then the third one's called Digging Ditches. 00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:51.599 But in Give Me This Mountain, uh she talks about her time uh studying medicine at Oxford and uh how she uh was um was beginning a relationship with a uh with a young man, and she made the conscious decision that actually she wasn't going to get married because she felt called of God to go to Africa to be a medical missionary. 00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:53.599 Uh, and so that's what she did. 00:29:53.759 --> 00:30:00.640 She turned aside and she she opted to be single for all of her life. 00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:12.960 And she went off and built hospitals, trained nurses and doctors, and did just amazing, amazing things for the Lord Jesus in Congo. 00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:27.440 Despite great suffering, she was imprisoned for six months, beaten and abused by the uh during the civil war there in Congo, before being freed. 00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:40.000 And yet meeting her in the in the end of her life, and seeing Christ just shine through her, hear her testimony. 00:30:40.799 --> 00:31:02.079 To be sitting with her at a uh at a funeral of a of a mutual friend, and sitting, uh this is in Northern Ireland where you know you at the at the wake in the church hall and things like that, and um and talking about Clive, the the dear elderly man who had passed, and Helen saying, I'm so jealous of him. 00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:03.839 I'm so jealous. 00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:06.559 She was about 85 at this point. 00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:08.319 So why are you jealous, Helen? 00:31:08.799 --> 00:31:13.119 Because Clive gets to see the Lord Jesus, and I'm here. 00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:17.200 See what she's doing? 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:20.960 She she knew that all of these things were were momentary. 00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:25.279 None of it was easy in her life, right? 00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.640 You know, she got the 85, it was long obedience in the same direction. 00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:41.200 Yet by the end, she was looking actually at the greener grass of Canaan's fair and pleasant land and saying, actually, that's where I want to be. 00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:48.400 Then all of the desires and longings of my heart will be satisfied by the Lord Jesus. 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:58.400 To be single is to be free to to care for others and to serve the Lord. 00:31:59.839 --> 00:32:03.119 That's not to say that, you know, we just that the single well, that's okay. 00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:07.599 Single people, you're our volunteers and you can serve all of the uh all of the married. 00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:09.359 That's not what I'm saying. 00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:13.839 Of course, we all serve our community and others. 00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:19.119 But there is a particular freedom that single people enjoy. 00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:26.799 Single people additionally are more free to invest in friendships, caring for the vulnerable. 00:32:29.039 --> 00:32:39.920 Now, of course being single might not necessarily create that godly freedom in you. 00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:50.559 It might take you to a place of resentment, to a place of bitterness or of selfishness, where you only pursue your own interests. 00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:57.279 The answer for that person is not that you should get married, right? 00:32:58.000 --> 00:33:00.960 There's a great you want to think about getting married. 00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:05.920 The best way to uh to think about your life is like this. 00:33:06.799 --> 00:33:08.559 As now, so then. 00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:10.559 Say that again. 00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:25.119 As now, so then if you're selfish now, self-absorbed, and you don't really like bending to the will of others, marriage isn't going to kind of automatically transform you. 00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:28.480 The isle isn't magic, right? 00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:32.480 It doesn't transfigure you as you walk up the other way. 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:35.920 As now, so then. 00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:40.160 So the answer to the selfish person is not to get married, goodness me. 00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:46.799 I've seen selfish people enter into marriages and strain them. 00:33:48.319 --> 00:34:15.519 No, the answer is actually to take responsibility spiritually for oneself, to recognize those uh those issues in the context of community and with friendship, and to learn to grow in Christ's likeness, the greatest single person who ever lived, and to become more like him before any obligations of marriage come along. 00:34:19.119 --> 00:34:20.320 Let's move on. 00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:26.079 So you're free, every stage of life has both blessings and burdens. 00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:34.800 Third, singleness doesn't mean no intimacy or no family. 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:46.079 Helen, just by the by lived, I think her last twenty years uh with another doctor, um, a lady called Pat. 00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:51.679 Uh, and they were the best of friends and great companions. 00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:56.239 They were intimately connected. 00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:09.199 You in our world, we have uh we have reduced the definition of intimacy down to meaning that it is something that is sexual, and that's wrong. 00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:26.639 It is possible to experience intimacy in the broader, all-encompassing uh definition of being known and loved in the context of a friendship. 00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:36.000 It's part of the reason why uh why to modern ears we find it really hard to read about friendships in the Bible without thinking, well, they must have been sexual. 00:35:36.960 --> 00:35:47.199 We can't read about David and Jonathan and uh and uh and David saying of Jonathan that his love for him was the was better than the love of any woman. 00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:50.880 Oh, well, you know, they must have been, you know, whatever. 00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:51.760 Right? 00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:52.400 No. 00:35:53.840 --> 00:36:04.079 That's that's us taking our uh our kind of our sexualized 21st century mindset and reading it back into the Bible. 00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:06.639 It's one of the things that C.S. 00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:23.679 Lewis uh laments in uh in his book The Four Loves, that we uh that we forget about Agape, that sell that self-sacrificial serving love, and and kind of think, well, it must be kind of covered in a veneer of eros, that erotic love. 00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:32.159 And he said, no, no, no, like it's possible to be selfless and serving others and not and then not have a sexual component. 00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:50.960 We must be a community of people that uh that recaptures that old definition of what it means to be intimately connected with one another, really knowing one another, really loving one another. 00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:56.719 Because friendship is beautiful. 00:36:57.599 --> 00:37:00.480 Not only that, but it is necessary. 00:37:01.199 --> 00:37:09.119 It is a necessary way of developing an intimate connection with another human, and that's true if you're married. 00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:15.920 Your marriage cannot sustain all of the emotional needs that you have. 00:37:16.079 --> 00:37:18.559 You should have friends. 00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:29.360 It's not the case of, well, if you're single, I guess you guys you guys can kind of hang out together and go and get some coffee and like have mad egg after church or whatever. 00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:32.239 But if we're married, we've just got one another. 00:37:33.039 --> 00:37:33.360 No. 00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:40.159 Friendship is a gift for all people to enjoy, rather married or single. 00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:49.360 Proverbs 1824, it says that a man of many companions may come to ruin, but a friend sticks closer than a brother. 00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:52.239 Companions come and go. 00:37:53.280 --> 00:38:01.920 Companions are people of shared interest, shared stage of life, some personality connection. 00:38:03.119 --> 00:38:09.679 And you can think sometimes that companions are friends, and it can be painful to realize, oh, hold on. 00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:14.320 These aren't friends, they're companions. 00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:27.119 They get revealed to simply be companions when something happens, they move on, or they reject you. 00:38:27.599 --> 00:38:31.519 A friend is somebody that you can speak the truth to. 00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:43.679 A friend is someone who can tell you the truth, and because you know that there's a love relationship there, that you can accept it from one another. 00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:50.960 A friend is someone that you can be truly you with, and not have to hide parts of you. 00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:59.920 If you have to hide what you think or what you believe, or part of who you are, then maybe you've got companions and not friends. 00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:11.519 Or where you have friends hold them close because they are closer than sisters, closer than brothers. 00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.840 And this is for both married and single people. 00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:24.480 It is it is possible to experience intimacy as a single person. 00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:32.880 And it is necessary that all of us, whether married or single, experience this sort of intimacy. 00:39:36.559 --> 00:39:40.400 Nor are single people excluded from the joys of family. 00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:51.519 One of the things that I used to used to hate when I was at uh at college was that only the single women would be asked to babysit. 00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:56.320 As a single guy, my late 20s. 00:39:56.719 --> 00:40:03.360 And only the married couples would come to the single women and say, Would you come around on a Friday night and have dinner with us? 00:40:03.440 --> 00:40:05.280 But then we're we're gonna go head out to the movies. 00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:08.639 Would you sit in the house while they while the kids are in bed? 00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:11.920 I love playing with children. 00:40:12.639 --> 00:40:14.239 I love being silly. 00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:16.719 I'm a very silly person. 00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:31.039 If you want to ingratiate yourself to my children now, the best thing that you can do is be silly because they share my DNA and they're silly too. 00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:39.119 I loved as a single person feeling like I was part of a family. 00:40:39.519 --> 00:40:43.119 I loved knowing my way round somebody else's kitchen. 00:40:43.840 --> 00:40:45.920 I loved cooking for other people. 00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:53.519 I love having friends, children come and have me read them their bedtime story. 00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:57.840 I loved experiencing that family. 00:41:01.199 --> 00:41:04.880 But Jesus promises even more, doesn't he? 00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:09.760 Because he completely reframes family. 00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:11.440 You remember this? 00:41:11.599 --> 00:41:20.079 Uh there's this there's this interaction at the end of Mark chapter three where uh where Jesus' biological family, his mother and his brothers. 00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:22.719 Mary had more children, just FYI. 00:41:22.880 --> 00:41:27.119 Um, his mother and his brothers, thought that he was cracked. 00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:31.360 Thought that he had finally lost it and needed to go to the to the loony bin. 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:37.280 And so they come to the house where Jesus is, and they can't quite get in because of the crowd. 00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:40.880 But the word spreads that uh that they're there. 00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:51.199 And Jesus, rather than getting up and going, Oh, Mom's calling me, uh, I better go out, go uh says, Well, who are my mother and my brothers? 00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:56.559 Those who do the will of God are my mother and my brothers and my sisters. 00:41:57.280 --> 00:42:04.159 That is, those who share in the beliefs and values that I have, we're family together. 00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:22.159 You experience that in little ways as you're able to kind of go in and out of one another's homes and realize, and particularly actually, if you're if your family aren't believers, you're actually some of the ways that I I'm most fully known actually by by some of the people that I'm not biologically related to. 00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:29.119 Or you have the experience of uh of traveling uh through across the world. 00:42:29.360 --> 00:42:46.239 You travel to across the world and you encounter somebody who's also a believer in Jesus, the amount of hospitality that they'll extend to you, the welcome and the gladness of bringing you into their home and feeling you giving you a place to say, I've experienced that as I've gone to uh gone to America. 00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:46.639 Why? 00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:50.719 Because we are a family, a global family. 00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:56.239 Not joined by DNA, but by the blood of Jesus. 00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:01.440 And all of us can enjoy that. 00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:04.159 And we should work towards that. 00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:06.800 Couples, don't just hang out with couples. 00:43:07.039 --> 00:43:10.960 Families of small children, don't just hang out with other families of small children. 00:43:11.119 --> 00:43:14.880 And that's not saying that if you do, that you're sinning and then that's bad. 00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:24.400 But we should have an eye to be hanging out as a diverse family with all of the different stages that we have. 00:43:26.159 --> 00:43:38.159 Because to be single does not mean that you cannot experience and enjoy intimacy, nor does it mean that you are not part of the only family that will endure into eternity. 00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:40.880 I know that we don't do it perfectly. 00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:43.360 I know that we can do it better. 00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:47.119 But I'd love us to live into it. 00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:49.519 Finally. 00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:53.760 Singleness can be hard. 00:43:54.960 --> 00:43:56.400 But there is grace. 00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:58.800 Singleness can be hard. 00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:11.119 I I said uh earlier that the the irony is not lost to me this morning that we're talking about singleness in the same morning that we're uh rendering thanks to God for an engagement. 00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:18.239 Of course, that's good and right to do, and I don't want to rain on Andrew and Amber's parade. 00:44:18.400 --> 00:44:19.519 Of course not. 00:44:20.079 --> 00:44:29.360 We, whether we're um single or married, are delighted for them that they have fallen in love and that the Lord has brought them together. 00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:33.440 And that they are now preparing for married life together. 00:44:33.760 --> 00:44:37.760 That is good and should be celebrated. 00:44:40.480 --> 00:44:43.119 But it could be bittersweet for some of you, can't it? 00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:51.360 Often the difficulty of singleness is found in lots of little moments. 00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:53.599 It's not one thing, really. 00:44:56.719 --> 00:45:02.079 It's like being the last of your childhood friend group to be married, as I was. 00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:05.280 I grew up in Northern Ireland, for goodness sake. 00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:10.480 Everybody got married, it's you know, the week they graduated university, 21 years old. 00:45:10.639 --> 00:45:14.559 It's like they go from gown to wedding dress, right? 00:45:15.119 --> 00:45:16.880 Um except for me. 00:45:17.039 --> 00:45:18.159 I didn't go to wedding dress. 00:45:18.239 --> 00:45:19.760 But uh, do you know what I mean? 00:45:20.239 --> 00:45:27.760 I was I was way later than all of my friends before I got married. 00:45:28.239 --> 00:45:33.199 And both Philip and I'll tell you that both of us were beginning to think, oh, this might not happen for us. 00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:40.159