ADHD Burnout: Why Smart People Overthink Everything

ADHD burnout and overthinking can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. In this episode of the Mind Over Mortar podcast, Luke and Matt talk openly about ADHD, overthinking, procrastination cycles, bad days, and the constant pressure of feeling like you’re falling behind.

This episode dives into ADHD burnout, productivity struggles, procrastination and the mental chaos of many entrepreneurs trying to build a business while managing a neurodivergent brain.

If you’ve ever felt like your brain is running a hundred miles an hour while everyone else seems to move through life effortlessly, this conversation will probably resonate.

We talk about what it really feels like to live with ADHD, Tourette’s, ADD and OCD traits, how these challenges affect business, productivity and everyday life, and how learning to work with your brain instead of against it can actually turn these traits into strengths.

This episode explores the reality behind ADHD burnout and why so many people with ADHD struggle with overthinking, unfinished tasks and procrastination.

In this conversation we discuss:

• Why ADHD overcomplicates simple tasks

• Procrastination cycles and burnout

• The fear of failure and the fear of falling behind

• Structuring your day when your mind feels chaotic

• How bad days affect productivity and mental health

• Using ADHD, Tourette’s, ADD and OCD traits as strengths instead of weaknesses

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly trying to catch up with yourself, or like your brain works differently to everyone around you, you’re not alone.

Follow Mind Over Mortar on Instagram for updates, clips and future episodes:

@mindovermortar

You can also listen to Mind Over Mortar on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

This episode is part of the Mind Over Mortar podcast, where we talk about the mental side of business, productivity, mental health, personal growth and entrepreneurship.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Smart failure. So my understanding is that people with ADHD and I experience this as well, we like to overcomplicate things. So I want to talk about routines and how basic things get overcomplicated by the overthinking and that can lead to procrastination as well. I mean, have you got an example of that?

SPEAKER_03 1:09

I do, definitely. Um I I'll go I'll I'll give you an example that's um probably quite relatable. Um not necessarily to do with business, um, but it can be related to that as well. But let's hypothetically say that I need to clean my house.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

So what typically will happen is I will I'll I'll basically give myself a game plan. So I'll walk around the house and I'll assess every room like a battleground.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

And I'll work out what needs to be done, what's the important things, you know, what prioritised these things, and you know, and an idea, right, of what I'm gonna be doing as far as a clean's concern, and how far I'm gonna go. Now, this is where like the ADHD sort of side of things really kicks in because um I won't be able to retain that information properly properly. So I get this really good sort of game plan, and I'm like, right, I'm ready to go to war, and then I'll start cleaning, and I'll start in the bedroom, for example. Yeah, so I'll strip the bed and I know the bedding needs to go downstairs to go into the washing machine, but on the way downstairs to the washing machine, I notice that there's some stuff on the stairs, so I pick that stuff up while I'm holding the washing as well, and then I'll move into the kitchen, I'll put the bedding into the washing machine, and I've got this stuff in my hand. Now I'm like, Oh, well, this needs to go back upstairs. So I put that on the side, yeah, until I go back upstairs again, and then I need to go back upstairs regardless. But now I've just spotted that there's some stuff on the table that needs clearing, maybe from breakfast or something, so then I'll go over there because I'm in the kitchen anyway, so I might as well go and get that stuff, I'll take it into the kitchen, but now I'm there, I might as well wash it up. So, what I find is that I will just constantly be flopping and flipping between sort of tasks. So, my structured sort of game plan just goes completely out of the window, and I end up not completing any task from start to finish. I end up starting every task and not finishing them.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

I mean, that was exhausting to listen to. Yeah, sorry. And that's and that's how my brain runs too. Can you tell me what the first task that you were trying to achieve was after all that?

SPEAKER_03 3:31

Uh washing the bedding, wasn't it? Yeah, washing the bedding exactly.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

That's the problem, isn't it? I was just about to pull that analogy out as well myself because it's exhausting, isn't it? And you go in there and you're like you're on top of the world as well, you're like focused and you've got it you've got a task at hand, and and it and it's a great feeling as well. And then uh you go flat out, you're like running around and you're getting it all done, and you're like, Wow, that only took 20 minutes as well. Like, and then uh yeah, um it it applies so much to business as well. Yeah, definitely. I mean because uh it it it links in with the up and down cycle um that I often go on about as well, where uh when I'm in that state of mind, it's a new task. Gotta clean the bed. You've got a you've got a new lead, a new property lead come up, for example, and you're trying to fill up your pipeline, you're like, great, let's go and do it. Let's um let's uh go and view the property, let's um go and get in touch with the landlords, um we'll uh find our investors, and you then lose control because other things get in the way, don't they? They do. And quickly when you're starting to focus on that task, other tasks come in and you go, Oh, yeah, that there's another lead, I'll go and look at that property. And then um or another opportunity pops up and it completely distracts you from the first task. So then what happens is you may have viewed that property in the first place, but then you never go forward with it because you forget to do the other steps because you get distracted by the other um the other opportunities that are coming in at the same time. That's something that r I really struggle with. I I struggle with a lot, but and it's exhausting, it's exhausting as well because I'm running flat out, um, and it leads to burnout in essence, and then um you never actually complete the tasks not necessarily one either, you never get something over the line because of it. How do you deal with that? How do you stop that from happening?

SPEAKER_03 5:55

I don't, I embrace it. You embrace it, yeah. What do you mean by that? So I I structure my this is might sound counterintuitive now, but I structure my I structure my day around the chaos. So it's easier for me to structure the chaos than it is for me to eradicate it. And what that looks like is I'll have I don't know if you've ever seen my uh if you've ever seen my um uh my alarms on my phone. So I have alarms throughout the day on my phone, and every alarm will be an action for something else, yeah. So like nine o'clock in the morning, it's like obviously I'll be starting the like the the the sort of serious part of my work, you know, all the deal analysing, um, you know, follow-up calls and and everything I need to do. Um, and I'll do that until 11 o'clock. 11 o'clock I will take a break, I'll go and take the dogs for a walk. Um, you know, if I've got time, if I've got time to do it, um, I'll have something to eat, and then at 12 o'clock, um, I'm back working again, and I'll I'll then continue. But what I'll do, I'll do now is I won't be doing the same work as I was doing at 9 o'clock in the morning. I'll be doing different work, but it's still work that's going towards making a difference in the business, um, and it's less pressure work, sort of like in the middle of the day. Um, so it gives me a bit of relief, but it's easier tasks for me to sort of undertake. So I don't feel like the burnout is like you know, too sort of intense at that point of the day. Um, and then what I'll do is I'll take another sort of break, normally about half an hour, uh, around about 1:30, 2 o'clock. Um, and then I'll read for half an hour. So I'll get my Kindle out and I'll um like if there's a a book that we're reading, um, like at the moment I'm reading The Richest Man in Babylon, and it's it's an amazing book, and I can't I can't put it down. Like every time that I'm working, I'm thinking, oh, I can't wait for half one to roll round so I can read another half, yeah, read another half an hour of the book. It's yeah, fantastic book. Um, but yeah, I mean my my day is basically structured out like that because the it I I find that embracing the chaos, right? And I'll I'll get to how that mix how that looks in a second, um, is is the most important part because for me, for my brain to function, I can't change the way it functions. So all I can do is I can change the environment that I allow it to function in, and if I work with it and utilise it as a power and as a strength, then it enables me to actually get loads of stuff done. But it might not look like I'm getting loads of stuff done. So when I say that, you know, I'm I've got an alarm, for example, like at 9am, I'll be doing like deal sellings, like an uh analysis, um, I'll be doing follow-up calls or making phone calls, I will be um changing leads, um, you know, doing sort of meta ads and other bits and pieces. Those are like the high cash flow sort of like business stuff, yeah, that generates money for the company. As soon as that alarm goes off and it's time to change task, I stop what I'm doing. Regardless of how far into it I am, regardless of how long I've got left on doing it. I might have 10 minutes left to complete the task that I'm doing. Put it down. Wow. Yep, stop doing it, move to the next thing. That was the hardest thing for me to do. I can look at it. So difficult, so so difficult. That learning that as a behaviour was and it's still, I'm still learning it, yeah. And I still go against the grain sometimes. So sometimes I'm like, nah, stuff it, I'm just gonna finish it. But then what I find is that when I don't listen to the the alarms and I don't stop what I'm doing and move on to the next thing, I find that I then drift through the alarms into the next one, and then into the next one, and before I know it, I've I've actually been doing a load of work that's really meant nothing, um, because it's not resulted in anything more than what I'd completed by the time the first alarm went off. No, I've just been f you know going through and finding other things to do, you know, just filling that space. And it's it's really it's really interesting because I I looked at um I saw a uh study that was done, I think it was uh Harvard University that had done the study uh a couple of years ago, um, and they'd done it on like a really big group of people. Uh don't quote me on this because I can't remember where I you know, this is the ADHD going on here, right? But I can't remember where I got it from. I just remember I got it and and I remembered it and I made sure I remembered it. So it was a study that was done on a big group of people, I think it was like thousands, like 10,000 odd like people, who work for a company, you know, um in lots of different disciplines um in industries across across the UK. Um, and what they what they found was that most people who work, you know, on a nine to five job, they have two hours of productive work every single day. There's only two hours of their nine to five actually fills productive work where the company is going to be making money out of decisions and actions that have been made by the employee. The rest of it's just filler.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

It's just filler.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

So that's why I've structured my days to I've actually got three hours of um of work in my days, and then the rest of it's broken up with other things to do, you know, like for example, taking the dogs for a walk, yeah, right? That that'll clear my head. That allows me to sort of breathe, just connect with nature, you know, go for a walk in the woods or whatever. Um, it it calms me down. Um, reading a book, I'm educating myself, I'm learning new things, so I'm not just sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, you know, I'm I'm doing other things to stimulate my brain. Yes, and that's you know, like we spoke about in the last episode, you might look at that and go, that sounds like a protective behaviour. But and that and that but that that therein lies the internal struggle of of how you perceive that because that for me is the only way that I can I can actually um work properly is if I embrace the chaos and I structure it instead of trying to control it.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah, that that makes sense. There's something I don't do, um to be fair, and what often happens is um I as mentioned I will work flat out and I will work for too long and then I do myself in, and then I wake up the next day and I feel rubbish because I've I've burnt myself out. And then the problem is if you do it continuously for a long time, you either just physically and mentally burn yourself out and you can't function properly, and then it leads to the spiral that we were talking about on the last episode of uh depression um and lack of self-worth and uh the sleepless nights, etc. Um and it just goes downhill from there, doesn't it? And um it's it's about focus work, is what I've uh always been told. That focused work time, the two hours that you're talking about, for example. It's something I st I still struggle with. I still struggle with. Maybe I should take up the alarm system as well.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Um I've got quite a few people that have are doing the same thing as me now. Yeah, yeah. I've there's at least there's at least 15 people now that I know of that are doing that have looked, have s have asked me that question. I've showed them my systemization that I use, and they've gone, that's genius. And they've gone like, all right, let me can I do that? And like, you know, they've set their alarms as well, and and they've like messaged me, one of them messaged me the other day, and he was like, game changer.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Perfect. Yeah, there we go. I'm gonna have to start embracing that chaos then I so uh but that leads me onto another question. Like, what do you do on a bad day? On a bad day, yeah. So if you're feeling rubbish, you've been out late last night, you've been networking, for example, you've you're feeling grim because you're real or something like that. I mean, does your does your routine change?

SPEAKER_03 13:56

I I think it's important to keep the routine regardless of how you feel, and not to beat yourself up when you don't meet the quota. So quite often I'll find myself feeling like um it's almost like I get FOMO. Yeah. Yeah, that's the fear of missing out and falling behind, you know, and that's that's how like my anxiety manifests in business, like in work. Um, and it and for me it's it's it can be paralysing because you know, you look at everyone else around you and they're doing this, they're doing that, they're you know, and and then what are you doing? You know, well, what did I accomplish today? So a bad day for me is it is is really where I I give myself a break. And I know that sounds a bit sort of objective, like you know, um it doesn't sound like you have a bad day. I do, I do have bad days, and and I don't get a lot done, but I also I'm kind to myself on those days because I understand that you know some days you just don't have it in you, and not you know, we're not robots. We we we can't just we can't just operate on on a level like of high functioning level that you know and remain consistent because you know, like you say, the fear of burning out. Um that's why say structuring it like that, I have infinitely less bad days with the structure that I've got now than I did before, where I was just like it was chaos, and I was along for the ride. I was just a passenger. Yeah, you know, that was like you know, feeling like a passenger in the chaos is it's disorientated, and you you feel lost, you just don't know what's what's right, what's wrong, what's up, what's down. So and to understand that it's all about small actions and small wins every day, they compound over days, months, weeks, and years to result in um uh to have big results. So you might feel like you didn't get much done today, but did you accomplish something today? Well, yeah, I did, but I only accomplished this. I only spoke to I spoke to like um you know ten landlords today. Okay, right, well that's a win. Take it. You spoke to 10 landlords today, you know, fine. You know, you systemised something today. You you you you analyse the deal with like five or six deals or one deal today, yeah? I submitted one deal, whatever. You know, you're not gonna you're not gonna get to the end quickly. This isn't about uh uh you know who's gonna get there fastest, it's it's who's gonna main who's gonna who's gonna remain. It's almost like um it's almost like trying out for the SAS.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

You know. Yeah, that's right. I mean the the the percentage that actually get through is very, very, very small. I mean, or you know, you can uh equate it in the same sense to like the the US Navy, like the special forces in the Navy, like where they have to do like the underwater sort of like you know, testing and things like that and all the training. It's brutal. It's brutal. So it's very only a very small amount of people actually get there. So if if you're trying to if you're trying to run the race and sprint to the end, you're gonna you're gonna run out of gas halfway halfway before the finish line. Um, you know, and everyone else who's been pacing themselves, they're just gonna come flying past you.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Yeah, definitely. Um that is uh that kind of sums up the story of my life, I suppose, um, where I go flat out, I burn out. I go flat out, I burn out. And um the problem is when you're in that burnout, all you want to do is get back to where you were. So um it becomes difficult to regulate because you then feel in a hurry to kind of recover and get back up to pace. Um and and this is uh this this is something that I've had to work on big time um to try and level out. Um because I've never I've never felt satisfied with what I've achieved in the day. I've never felt like it was enough. I've never felt like it was enough to satisfy myself and then I'd be worried that other people would think that I hadn't worked hard enough, for example. Um so that kind of relates to um what we've talked about previously with the judgment of other people. Um so like for you for yourself, I mean, did you always have that structure in place um with any previous work that you've done, or is that something that you've developed as you've started the business?

SPEAKER_03 18:40

So uh my old boss, um he um he was a really good mentor, um, I'll be honest with you. Um and he he had like I had so much time for him because he was always so organised, like unbelievably organised. And you know, he would he would just have everything systemised. And so when I when I sort of became um when I started moving up the ranks uh in the company I used to work for, I I realized that if it if I was gonna be successful at this, then I would need to be like him. So I I just I just sort of shadowed him a bit. And I was like, so how do you do this and how do you do that? And he was telling me and explaining this, that, and the other, and and I was like, okay, makes sense, you know. And it's all common sense stuff, but it was all about you know, systemising the your your day, if that makes sense, yeah. You're meant to try and systemize your day and and make it um structured, um, you know, like having when emails come through, like about from a from a particular client, make sure you put all those emails into a separate folder from that particular client, you know, and just organising things, organise everything. Because organisation really is the key to to to success, as far as I'm concerned. We've all we've all experienced the 4,100 unopened emails, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

I mean, I I've I hate uh if if we if we check if we check the mind now, I think I've got about 10,000 unopened emails, but I've also got quite a few accounts and uh email accounts, and uh not all of them are um ones that I I use I've had since I've had the same email address since I was at school, one of them. So there's loads. But you know, that doesn't bother me though. Like me me seeing like 10,000 unopened emails, even though I I also suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder as well, but because with with Tourette's you you kind of get um you kind of get gifted a package. You don't just get tourette. I know it's like someone bringing me a Fortman Mason like Christmas hamper, do you know what I mean? It's just oh some different cheese in there. Yeah, um I I yeah you get you get a gifted package. So with with my Tourette's it comes with like ADHD, ADD, um as well. So I get the different types of ADHD as well. So like my high-functioning ADHD brain, and then I get the less functioning side of things as well. So sometimes they battle against each other, and then obsessive-compulsive disorder as well, OCD. And the obsessive compulsive side of things, it it it needs structure, it wants structure, it wants um repeated patterns, it wants you know things that are recognised as um as normal, yeah. Um, and like I used to have uh I used to have ticks like uh some of my some of my motor ticks, yeah. For example, I would like hit my leg, I would have to hit it again because it's an even number. Um it, you know, that was the the you know the side of my of my obsessive compulsive as all when it comes to like Tourette's or if I like flicked a a light switch on or something, I'd have to flick it off and flick it on again or something. Do you know what I mean? It it really sort of played in. And again, I've I I kind of utilise that. I feel like it's like a like a superpower. Because I can obsess over something, and if I can utilize that against my high functioning side of my ADHD, and then put that into a process where I've got my day sort of like planned out with my alarms, then it's like a superpower. And on the days that it works, you talk about the bad days. Well, what does a good day look like? A good day is like I've just crush it. Absolutely crush the day. And you get that feeling of like that accomplishment, you know, and then that follows like you get like a happy, elated feeling from that sense of accomplishment. And I always find on those days that you feel like you've crushed it, you relax so much better in the evening, you go to sleep better, everything feels better. So I'm not saying I can do that every day because I can't, but there are days where I can do it, and that's why I've you know people look at me and they go, You've got things wrong with you, you know, and okay, fine. Yeah, I've got things wrong with me, right? We we we know that now, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:00

We've all got stuff wrong with us, haven't we?

SPEAKER_03 23:01

We've all got stuff's got problems, like you say. There's no such thing as normal, no, but they say they look at it and go, You've got something wrong with you. And I I sort of look at it and I go, I've got something that you don't have.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

So I I I use it as a superpower, I use it, uh utilise it as much as I can. That's what I say, I embrace the chaos.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

So that's really inspirational, that's great. Uh yeah, the the the system the system is there and it tells you that you should conform to this structure. Yeah, and that is not what people need, I'm not gonna say should do, because it's at the end of the day, it's up to the individual, isn't it? But when when you have um these sets of mental tools and these disabilities, for example, um like they the way I understand it, some like someone like Richard Branson, uh who I believe is dyslexic, he's managed to take that toolbox and utilise those tools in the best way that he possibly can. And uh it's inspirational because I I I've never met him, I don't know much about him, but I imagine at school he struggled if he was if he had dyslexia, for example. So I don't know much about dyslexia. Um that's something I'll have to learn. Maybe we could talk about get a special guest on in the future. So if anyone's uh out there with dyslexia, we'd love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

So well, I I I know I know a few people with dyslexia, so we might be able to invite one of them on. There we go.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Um so it's it's about utilising those tools that you've got in the best way, and it's something that I'm trying to uh work on going forward. Um I haven't grasp it yet, but we're we we're getting better at it. So uh but by the sounds of it, like you've got a good grasp on it, and I I think you mentioned to me before, because you've been dealing with this as uh from a young age, and you had to go through that process um of dealing with the the social aspect um at school, for example, um it's it's trained you, it's conditioned you to have to learn to use those tools. Um whereas for me, for example, because I was uh very sporadic, I'm not talking about Tourette's, I'm talking about the ADHD, um, I was always sporadic, and then most people would see the high bit of that when I'm riding the the roller coaster and I'm at the top and I'm having a great time and I'm full of energy and I'm going around, they'd never see the low bit. So when I was at the low, and if people did kind of poke me, uh poke the bear with a stick, then they'd get the full brunt of the anger and the snap. Um I suppose it's not necessarily recognised because they mostly see the high, they don't see the lows. So then when you sit here, and this is kind of what this is about, this is this is exploring all the bits that you don't see, all the bits behind the scenes, isn't it? Um when you don't see them negative bits people kind of expect more from you, and they expect you to be that person who's on the high all the time, and you I mean you you know this cycle of ADHD as well, don't you? You you go up, you come crashing down, and um the fact that you've learned to harness that to me is so admirable. But having said that, I imagine you get so many days where it doesn't feel like that, and it feels hopeless as well. Uh because again, we all get that, whether you're parents, whether you're um a teenager pushing for a university degree, whether you're an established businessman, you know, looking to retire and sell up their portfolio, you're gonna you're gonna get that, aren't you? But um it's uh it's inspirational hearing hearing from people like yourself who are kind of explaining it for for me certainly, who's in that process of that journey as well. But tell tell me about the days that you're not feeling um on top of it. In in the sense of how does that affect you and the productivity um going forward?

SPEAKER_03 27:37

It I mean it affects it affects me like it would affect anyone else, really, I think. You know, I'm I'm not too dissimilar, albeit to the people that think I am, um similar from from everyone else. You know, I have I have my bad days where you know I I I just want to sort of you know just close the curtains on the world and and not what not want to you know get up and and motivate myself to do things, but it I b I believe I believe everyone everyone deserves bad days and people don't talk about this enough either. Everyone deserves bad days because bad days in your mind result to failure and failure is the only way that you're able to see success. You have to fail to be successful. You can't no one started off doing this and then just rocketed to the top and never came down again. It doesn't, it just doesn't exist, you know. It doesn't it doesn't matter how much knowledge you've got, it doesn't matter how much training you've done, there's always gonna be something back down. So yeah, I mean I I I do get affected by just you know by it by like everyone else does really. Um it's just how how I deal with it, really. Um and I think perspective is a is a really big um is a really big thing trying to maintain a perspective on life because you've got so many different times in your life where you've got um so many different times in your life where you've had where you where you'll have truck you know hardships and troubles and that but you've got to you've got to remember like we're only we're only here once. Like, you know, we don't we're we're in a way we're not here for long, like when you think about it in in the perspective of the universe and and everything else around us, like the majesty of the universe and and everything that you know we know, like that our lives on this planet in that grander perspective is quicker than that. So, why would you waste the time that you've got on this earth worrying about things that really don't matter? And and this is another thing when we talk about like just segueing slightly here into worry because worry is what you see in bad days as well. So, a particularly bad day for me will be a day where I've worried a lot, and I will I will worry about things that you know really don't need to be worried about, and and it's not you know, in the time, in the moment you you you can't tell yourself that not to worry about something.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Well you can, but it's quite difficult to sort of set yourself pointless, isn't it, in some ways, just going, don't don't worry.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

It is and when someone from the outside goes, don't worry, and you're like, Alright, I wish it was as easy as that.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so for like on bad days, I'll I worry, I worry a lot, and it was probably about a year ago. It's probably about a year ago now. I started to track my worries. Did you? Yeah, mentally. I started to track my worries. Did you write these down? I wrote I wrote down my big worries, yeah, as they were coming to like as the as the the the initial thought was sort of happening, and I was like, right, write that down. Just put it in the notes in my phone. And what I found is that over a year, I think I had like there was like 20 big worries that I had written down. I didn't write them all down, otherwise I would, you know, I wouldn't have enough space on my phone. But um, I I just wrote down the big ones, um, like you know, like financial pressures, like say can you give us an example of these? Like financial pressures, some of mine, yeah. Um, like death, you know, death was you know, it's a it's a worry that I think we all worry about because you don't know how long your time is on this earth, you know, you don't know what's going to happen. So sometimes that sort of worries, you know, those those creep in as well. Um, you know, like family issues, like worries on family issues and that. And then it was it was probably about, I don't know, uh, it was probably about 10 months, 10 months, do we recall close to a year after I'd I'd started doing that. Um, so fairly recently, I looked, I found it in my phone, and I hadn't updated it in a while. I think it would have been a few months in that I updated it. And I looked at it and I and I went scrolled down to like the worries that I had started to populate early on, and I was like, well, that never happened. That never happened, that never happened, that never happened. Wow, that never happened, yeah. So what I've what I'd realized was that I was worrying about things that were never really going to come to fruition, and that takes up, people don't talk about this either, as well. It takes up so much mental capacity, so much space, and not only worries worry is one of the only um emotions that you can have a lot of um uh that that basically hardly ever result in anything, but also cause other effects like depression and anxiety, you know, they they sort of tend to sort of come together with worry for some reason. They do, yeah. Um, you know, when you really worry about something, you become anxious, you get that tight feeling in your chest, you can't sleep at night, you know. And and if you looked at it over a year like I've done, and you go, okay, well, only one of those things actually happened. And to be honest with you, even though that did happen, what were the effects of that? What was the result? What actually what was the bad negative things that happened? Not really a lot, from honest of you.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

No, we're still here, aren't we?

SPEAKER_03 33:24

Well, exactly that, you know, we're still breathing the same air. Yeah, so yeah, it made me realise, and again, this is all very sort of nude. I've never spoken about this either. These are all things that just happen up here.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

We've never spoken about this either. No, no, yeah, absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

I mean, but I mean to anyone. I've never no I've never told that story to anyone. Um, but I feel like it's an important story because I feel like you know, other people listening to this and yourself and that would quite would be, you know, I think it's very relatable, you know. If you were to think back now on a worry that you might have had like uh you know, a couple of years ago or something, you know, that was big or whatever, like could you look back at something and go, yeah, I was worried about that actually for for quite a long time, and then be able to tell me that nothing actually ever come of it.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

No. I I yeah, I I feel yeah. Um one of my biggest procrastination issues, I suppose, in some ways. Worrying about things that I don't need to be worrying about right now. Um it takes up so much brain capacity. And uh one thing one thing that I'm dealing with at the minute is brain fog and uh not I'm not able to take information in. Um maybe that's just me being harsh on myself, I don't know, but for me I've I I do find it difficult taking in the information because it just doesn't it doesn't feel like my brain can handle any more, and I do feel like um because I'm trying to juggle quite a few things at the minute, like I'm worrying about things that don't need to be worried about because I'm constantly and I've I've done this for a very long time as well. I've when I was renovating my house uh a few years ago, for example, um I would try and plan out my week to be as efficient as I possibly can because I've always wanted efficiency and it's always just been I've been like right, I've got to use my time because I'm running out of time. Um I can't explain where that feeling came from that I'm running out of time, but I noticed it started happening after I had my motorbike crash that we've talked about in previous episodes. Um so that was when I was 23, and since then I've always worried that I'm running out of time. My body's going to fail me. I need to get this, this, this, this, this done. I need to then uh so so with the house, for example, um I wanted to get it up and running before my first child was born. So I've got my little boy, um, he's three now, and um I constantly worried that I needed to have everything in place before I became a dad. But the reality is you then become a dad and then you just get on with it and you and swing it. Life carries on, and and as long as you're being a relatively good parent, then they're fine. So uh but I would I would constantly beat myself up and worry that I hadn't achieved enough to that that that that thing, that that event would come along and then it would be the end of the world. But the reality is it comes along and then it goes and and suddenly you're like okay, well I'm still sitting here and I'm fine. Um and I think a lot of that stemmed from um me worrying about the physicality that I my body was just gonna fail because uh because of my spinal issues and my pelvis and whatnot. Uh but then that causes this mental cycle, which then makes all the problems worse. Um, like you say, because it's taking up that capacity, and then you can't sleep because of it, because I get to the end of the day and I'm still like, oh, I haven't done enough in the day. Um I'm going to like fail. And failure is something that I've always been scared of. And again, we've talked about it in previous episodes. You you have to fail when you're in business in order to learn and grow as a person. But I I'd never see that. Um so then it would mean that I wouldn't sleep and yeah, the the chronic pain would get worse and uh the ADHD would get worse, and then the cycle continues and it just spirals downhill. And uh then you burn out, and then you reset, and then uh it all happens again. But the reality is, like you're saying, if you focus on the task that's in front of you, and I have to tell myself this a lot now, focus on the task in front of you. Don't worry about that. Deal with that later. The the things that don't need to be dealt with right now, deal with it later. Um obviously we have deadlines, we have timelines, people might be saying, Yes, but I need to get this uh property deal over the line completed by next Tuesday. Okay, well they can put that in your priority list. Um but Aunt Bessie's birthday that's coming out in a month's time, don't worry about it because that can be dealt with in a month's time. And but I've I've never thought like that. So um I'm I'm I'm slowly trying to implement that process to prioritize the the things that I do. Now, when it comes to you and your systems, for example, do you have like a priority list? Do you at the start of the day do you prioritize anything or set goals or anything like that?

SPEAKER_03 39:04

Yeah, I've actually got a I've actually got a full like a proper like spreadsheet with multiple tabs, and like I've got a weekly like uh quota that I have to hit for certain tasks, like doing so many viewings or speaking to so many agents or um going to so many so many social um sort of networking events, um, and then I'll track that over a month, week by week, and then I'll have like uh on the final tab, you've got like a a like a monthly collection. Did I hit my goals this month or this week? Or so it it keeps me honest, um, and it's it's the only way that I can keep on track of it as well, because like yourself, I've failed to retain the information and what I'm doing, so I write it down. So if I speak to an agent and write it down, I put the property address in the spreadsheet as well. I put in details of everything, and then it just stays on there, and that spreadsheet just moves along throughout the whole year, so I can just scroll back to the beginning of the year and I can see what I was doing, what I was doing, like where I was going, what I was hitting, what wasn't hitting, and every every whenever I need an update of where I am each month, I just open the spreadsheet, go to the collection tab, and it tells me where I am that month so far, and I know where I need to be, so I know whether I need to up the game or not. Um but yeah, so that's that's I I think the I think the systemizing side of things is important, especially for people with ADHD, because for us for our brains to to really um understand um the concept of a systemized or sit systemizing uh um something, you need to have like a physical representation of it, like of how it's gonna manifest and how you're gonna track it. Um, and it's the same, like for me, I'm I'm not very academic. Um, you know, I've never been very academic and like I didn't do very well in school. Um, you know, I've I've tried to do further education um after school. Like I've tried to I tried to do my my kneebosh um degree. Wow, uh that's full on.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

That's a full-on experience, that is. It is a 24-hour exam.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

Yeah, I I re I I I tried really hard to do that. I got through unit one, two, and then got to unit three, and it was just the problem with it was that it was basically like it is in the in the the the school system, the schooling system, it seems like it's just a memory exercise. And it was just a load of words on a bit of paper that I had to remember, and I had to remember the distinctions between you know um different terminologies that the question would be asking me based on, you know, whether it'd be like outline this or explain that, and it would, you know, you'd have to explain it or outline it or whatever, but it would all be very specific, very particular and specific to the the out that that type of question that you have to answer by.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Oh, I always struggle with that at the time.

SPEAKER_03 41:57

It was like 10,000 pages like per per unit, you know, and you had to read through it all, and you had to do your own research on the side of it as well. And the research on the side of the thing was easy for me. I could do that, not a problem, but I had to retain 10,000 pages of like of text. Couldn't do it. So, like my further education side of things, you know, I tried to do a management leadership um degree as well, um, although it was a level seven diploma, I think it was, and you know, I got started on that, and I just I just burnt out and gave up. Um, so for for me, like that side of things is it's not great. I'm not academic in that in that way. Um, but I learn in different ways. I'm a very practical person, I learn practically, yeah. So if I can if I can put something together that allows me to like a spreadsheet, I don't a spreadsheet's not like an academic thing for me. It's it's it's like a learning no, it's not. See, I sit I see it as a bit of an academic thing. No, not for me. That's interesting. Not for me, no, I I love a formula, me. Do you know what I mean? Like I love working out the formulas of how it works and how to tie systems together and how to um you know how to uh change the formatting of of a spreadsheet so that it works better for me.

SPEAKER_01 43:09

And I suppose it is practical, isn't it? Yeah, so in essence, um I say DHD people we like practical things, don't we?

SPEAKER_03 43:17

And that's it, and that's the high functioning part of my brain that like loves it. Um so that's how I that's how I would how I systemise things, but uh by keeping track of it, and similar to how I kept track of my worries over a year, I encourage you know you to do the same thing and and and and do that because that's like for our brains our brains need positive reinforcement for for it to understand, for it to believe, yeah. So I I well I believe my brain at least anyway, if I can do something over whatever a period of time, if I can do something and then prove to myself that it worked, then I believe it worked.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:58

I can't Yeah, the power the power.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Mindset and belief is unbelievable, isn't it? It is. And that that's the that that that's probably the the main failure, isn't it? If you don't think it's special, if you don't think what did I hear someone say? They said um oh the grass isn't greener, it's where you water your patch as to how green it's gonna be. Um and that that that that's essentially what you're saying, isn't it? Yeah. And I've always I've always thought um oh the grass is greener, I'll go do that instead. Um so you go do it, and then you do it for a little bit, it is greener, and then it dies off because you don't nurture it. Um so then it becomes all ground and crinkly, and then you go, there's green grass over there, I'm gonna go and do that one. And then uh and and I've always struggled with nurturing my patch a little bit as well. Um that's herd mentality as well, though. Uh is yeah, I suppose it is, isn't it? Because um you you follow the trend, and uh we were talking about social media earlier, weren't we? And um social media plays a big part in that as well, doesn't it? Because uh it's it's an an amazing tool for business, um, but it also then is used and abused to market and control um the herd, I suppose, as well. So um yeah, there's a lot of naff out there, isn't it? Yeah, there is, yeah. And it it comes uh the problem is filtering through the naff and um trying to understand what is meaningful and what's not.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Yeah. Um going back to the judgment side of things, like what helps you move when you're feeling judged? Like when when you feel like you've been judged by someone, what helps you sort of move, uh continue moving past that?

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Uh it used to be competitiveness, right? Um but then you realise you're not very good at anything, so well Yeah, so then I just gave up and just just ended up just talking to you on the sofa. Just just whinging and moaning instead. That's fine. Uh no, so for me now, still I still see it as I suppose competitiveness, but it's not in a I'm gonna beat you fashion. It's uh in a okay, they've got a good point, possibly. You know, people at judge will obviously pick out a a specific aspect of what you're doing. And a lot of the time the the way I see it now is that we all have perspectives, um, negative people will have a negative perspective, they will focus on the negative things only. So if you've got if you if you put if you put a post and um the first thing that someone says is like, oh yeah, your colour was crooked, and they put that in the comments, and it's it's got nothing to do with like anything that you're talking about, like property in our case, for example. But you are then surrounded by a lot of other comments who are saying, Oh yeah, no, that was that was great. We and we understand what you're saying, but they they may give constructive criticism too. What I tried to do now, going back to the judgment point, is okay, maybe maybe that guy he did say okay, you colour was um crooked, but I will next time try to improve on that, not not because I'm necessarily paranoid about it, but it's now okay, I will use that to try and grow rather than just get paranoid about it, which I used to in the past, because then that would lead to me not wanting to do that again because of that judgment. I'd lose a self-confidence. But what I'm trying to do is is basically take okay, yes, you are negative, but maybe there's a reason for why they're negative, maybe they're suffering from depression, maybe they uh they struggle with the motivation to um to see the positive in in other people and then make their own mindset grow because they've got issues going on at home. Um I start to I I've started to see the world differently rather than judging back. You see what I'm saying? So to answer the question, I try to deal with the judgment now from other people as a learning curve, and uh okay, so why have they said that? Why are they judging me? Uh, where are they coming from to explore so that I can I can then grow as well, and then potentially if they say something like maybe like we're doing now, maybe I can help them. Because maybe, maybe you you'd ask, okay, why why do you say that? And then it'll ask it'll open something in their mind that maybe they haven't thought about before. Okay, oh maybe I am negative, maybe, but I I used to be really judgmental myself, it's something I always struggled with big time because I had I had a closed mind because I was too competitive. I was always trying to win, try and be better, try and succeed in the systemised way, and it would leave me to be judgmental too. Um, and it's something now that I look back on and I sort of think, like, why were you like that? Like, why why did you say those things to people? Why did you judge? Um, I've done it, I've done it with my own wife, you know. But it comes from a place where you want the best for people, but you're unable to portray it in the correct way. Because what you what what I would often do is I would uh we we'll have to talk about this in other episode, uh, but it of how it like how it um affects your relationships and things like that, but I would want the best for my family and for my wife, so I would dictate you should do this, you should do that, I would judge. No, you shouldn't do that. But rather than um following that judgmental attitude, what what I try to do now is ask the questions, okay, why why do you say that? Why do you feel like that? Why why do you not feel like you could achieve that, for example? Um and hopefully going forward, then uh that will make um relationships better, both with uh my family and with uh business going forward because it it applies to business as well, in the sense that if you're judgmental, people aren't gonna wanna want to work with you, are they? So uh if you can understand what people want in a non-judgmental fashion, then it means that you can give them what they need. And I'd say it's something that I've always found difficult, I've always just seen it from one perspective, like like I said. Um so uh yeah, moving forwards, um I hopefully I'll continue to work on that and then hopefully I can grow. But how do you how do you um deal with that judgment and how do you keep yourself from doing it as well?

SPEAKER_03 51:34

Managing the internal stairs of the Yeah, I suppose. I mean 'cause I mean I I j I I I'll be honest with you, like I I try not to give it too much energy. Um because I feel like the the more energy you give it the the the more you get of it. Um so like That's a good point, yeah. When you know I tried I tried to sort of think, you know, like people aren't watching me that closely, like people don't really care that much.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Oh yeah, see I've I've always felt like there's eyes on me. Yeah, no, I never always felt I do, I feel like there's eyes on me. And that's that's what I'm trying to shake, um, you know.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

Yeah, I I do I do I do resonate with that as well. I you know I I have those I have those feelings that you know people are watching me, but I I try I you know I again I just try to think you know they're not watching me that closely. Like like I said to you earlier, you know, with regards to like posting something on Instagram, yeah, like a video. Like I I won't I won't do multiple takes anymore, yeah. I'll just do it, I'll do it once. Ah, so that's interesting, and I'll post it. And like my last video that I posted, I mean, albeit that I've we again have we've spoken in re in recent episodes, like I don't I haven't been posting that much on Instagram because of the fear of judgment and stuff like that, how that comes in. But what I have been posting has been just natural, it's just one take, you know. Like all the stuff the the post that I put on of me up on stage up in London uh talking, um, the post of me reaching out to investors, that would just they were just one takes, you know. I didn't do multiple takes in front of hundreds of people in a in a room while I was on stage explaining things, you know what I mean? It had to be natural and fluid, so it's similar to the conversations we're having now. So that's why I think that you know these types of conversations are are are easy and it's it's good it's a good way for you to sort of connect that to those fear of judgments that you're you know, those worries and that. So yeah, that that those are the things that that I would I do and and I I just try my best not to uh not to let the uh the intrusive thoughts creep in where um you get that you get that um that monkey part of your brain again sort of speaking to you and it's saying to you, oh they're thinking they're thinking bad things about you. They think they think you're stupid, they think you're stupid, and you're like, What? Well, I don't think I'm stupid. Oh well, you know, that video looks pretty stupid to me, you know, and and you you start overanalysing it in your own brain. So I feel like a lot of the judgment, the seed of the judgment comes from yourself. It doesn't come, it never comes from someone else because especially unless you've actually had someone come up to you to your face and judge you blind faced to your face. Every other element or feeling of judgment that you that you feel or or think about, the seed starts here.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

Yeah, definitely. Well, the reality is there aren't many people that actually come up to your face and do that, are there?

SPEAKER_03 54:38

No, and who actually cares? That's it. No, realistic, no, realistically, who actually cares what you're doing right now?

SPEAKER_01 54:44

We're all extremely busy in life, and that goes for everyone. We've all got our own agendas, and most people don't worry about what we're doing, do they? No, unless it benefits them.

SPEAKER_03 54:54

No, exactly. I don't think about that. I just think who cares what I'm doing right now? No, it is a great point. No one, no one actually really gives a crap what I'm doing right now. I'm the only person who cares what I'm doing right now. Um, you know, my my family and my friends, my close family and friends, well, not even my close friends, I wouldn't say, but like, you know, like my close family, my immediate family, you know, they obviously care about what I'm doing, but they don't understand it in the way that I care about it. No, so I'm the only person who really actually gives a crap about what I'm doing right now. Everyone else is just sort of you know on the outside looking in, you know.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

So on that note, uh to conclude, if you are on the outside and you're looking in right now and you do give a crap about what we're talking about, then uh please uh reach out to us. We'd love to hear from you and uh tune in for the next episode.