Why You Always Feel Behind (Overthinking & ADHD Explained)

Do you ever feel like your brain never switches off, but you are still somehow falling behind?

In this episode of Mind Over Mortar, we start by answering questions from listeners before getting into a real conversation about overthinking, ADHD, organisation, overwhelm and the pressure of trying to keep up.

We talk about what it actually feels like when your mind is constantly busy, how hard it can be to stay on top of everything, and why so many people feel like they are behind even when they are trying their best.

We also get into:• ADHD, organisation and mental overload

• Overthinking and burnout

• Feeling behind compared to others

• Surrounding yourself with the right people

• Providing value and building relationships

• Tourette’s, hereditary traits and upbringing

• Misconceptions from older generations

• How these conversations are changing today

If this resonates with you, let us know in the comments:

Do you think overthinking is something you can manage, or does it always come back?

If you’re getting value from these conversations and want to support the podcast, you can do so here:

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There’s no pressure at all. Just listening is more than enough.

But if you do choose to support, it genuinely helps us keep these episodes going.

Follow Mind Over Mortar for more real conversations around business, mindset, ADHD and personal growth.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening from wherever you're watching or listening. We haven't got any structure for this uh episode specifically, but we have got some viewer questions, so thank you for reaching out to us with them. Um we're gonna fire away to Luke for our first question.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Okay. I love these questions. You guys are sending in, they're amazing. They are good. So uh Marcus uh Patel asks if someone is constantly overthinking and stuck in the analysis side of things, what is the one mental shift that has helped you move from thinking about action to actually taking action?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

That is a good question.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Yeah. Um so maybe like overthinking comes from trying to eliminate the risk?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

So overthinking for me comes from a point of not wanting to fail. Um when I lose that concept of well, it's not failing, you know, it's learning, then that that helps me push forward. But I I do have to I do find that I have to take myself away from the situation for a little bit to make it happen sometimes. I'll give an example yesterday. I had a list of about 12 tasks that I wanted to get done, and uh I wrote them all out on the list, thought, right, I'm gonna be really structured here, really proactive. And then I looked at the list and um I had my little boy running around with me, and he's going, Dad, dad, can we do this? Can we do that? And it's you're like, Yeah, okay, because you want to give your time to your children, of course, that's why we're doing and building the businesses to maximise our time with our family, as we've talked about in previous episodes. But I then got overwhelmed because I looked at my list of tasks and I couldn't decide which one to start with. So I ended up uh jumping around. I thought, right, I'll get that one done. Okay, I need to contact um mortgage broker. How am I gonna approach a mortgage broker? So then I start to think about that, and then I got my laptop and I think about something else because something else pops up that I've had open from the week before, and then uh then I look back at the list and go, I still haven't done that mortgage broker. Oh, I'll do something else on the list. Um but in the end, and this went on all morning. In the end, I went, Yeah, somebody gotta go out, because it just I I couldn't I couldn't get my brain straight, so uh we ended up going down the skate park in the end. Um and then what happened is I went down there, took myself away from the situation. I know you can't always do this in real life, because sometimes you do have to face things full on, but for me, certainly in that situation, when I took myself away, it relieved me of that overwhelm, and then I was like, okay, so when I was down the skate park and my son was riding around on his bike, I was able to then structure the priorities of what needed to be done, and I had a couple of um mentor calls as well, and and I um reached out because I reach out on video to a lot of people now, because I find that when I reach out on video to people, it feels like I'm socializing, and I get a little dopamine hit from the social connection with people, which then I find helps me get my brain in order. Junkie. I am a dopamine junkie, you're exactly right. So uh, and for me for me that works, that's that's something that's uh that's kind of come out from doing mind over mortar, um, reaching out to these people um who uh feeling similar, and then I uh speak to them via video or um voice note, and that really helps me as well. So after we'd been out to the skate park with my little boy, then I managed to get home, get back onto the structure and get the tasks that I wanted to done, albeit I didn't get all 12 done. But 12 tasks in a day is quite a lot to be fair. But uh yeah, I managed to get uh the priorities done anyway.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

So uh you can't the thing is you can't un you can't eliminate uncertainty though, can you?

SPEAKER_01 4:01

No, and this is the problem, isn't it? Because then what happens is uh you'll get like an agent call halfway through the day, which then rattles your system, and it's an opportunity, so you want to pursue it, or you might have some bad news, like a deal's fallen through, or uh there's a legality on a on a on a an opportunity or something like that, and it completely it throws you off guard. But we we all have that, don't we? That's not necessarily uh just a business thing, that's a parenting thing, that's uh it's just it's heightened by ADHD. But it's all information though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

It is all information, yeah. Action creates information. It does. That's right. So even those calls throughout the day, they they create information for you, don't they? So they're like little small steps, small things that happen, and then they compound, don't they, into bigger things?

SPEAKER_01 4:50

They do. Uh going back to the question though, um, when you get that information come to you, you get new information, for example, from a new lead that's popped up. You then have more information to deal with, don't you? So uh d do you have a way that you deal with that off-the-cuff information, for example. Like do you put it into uh a voice note, a notes on your phone, do you write them down? Do you have any specific way that you deal with it? Depends where I am.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Depends what I'm doing. If I'm out and about, chances are no, unless I it's really important and I need to write it down. But chances are if it's that important, I'm gonna remember it. Yeah, um, but then that doesn't always happen. No, so I remember again, like I say, I remember the the core concept, but I don't necessarily mean but remember everything about it. So yeah, I do if I know it's really important and I'm sitting at my desk and you know I'm having a call with let's say that I'm you know I've lined up maybe five or six properties that I want a bit more information on because on paper they look like they work, but obviously that's one thing having it on paper, it's another thing when you get more information from the agent or when you go and look at the property. So I'll line up a load of properties, I'll just call the agents. While I'm on the phone to the agents, I'll have a set of questions, and they're like the make or break questions like why is it cash buy only? You know, and if it's because it's structural, not necessarily a break question, but I'm definitely gonna need to have a look at it. And chances are what I've found, um most people most people don't don't do or don't ask the question is the the follow-up question if they find there's a structural property or structurally defective property, is ask whether a report's been done. And if a report's been done, ask for a copy. Because I I I found three properties last week that all had structural damage to them, and not one of the agents offered to give me the structural report, but when I asked for it to see if it was available, they also they all said yes, and they all sent it over to me. But I would have never known that otherwise. And most of the time, when you have these reports done like a red book survey on the property done, they'll value it as well.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

So there'll be a value on there what they think the property is going to resell for. So all of a sudden I've got GDVs, I've got comparables. One of them had comparables and everything in it. Perfect. I know, I was like, this one's like you know, perfect. I I've got I've got everything I possibly need. So when I've got my spreadsheets out, I'm bang, bang, bang. So yeah, when it comes to those things, I'm writing that stuff down because that's important information, you know. Um, what's the what's the vendor's situation, you know? Because quite often that's uh a big factor when it comes to looking at properties, how motivated are they? Yeah, what's their what's their their ideal situation here? Um, you know, if they want a cash buyer, then well, hello, cash buyer, and they want it done quickly. Well I can get it done quickly as well. Then all of a sudden you become quite you know appetizing for for the uh for the vendor. So when they're looking at you as a person, they're going, okay, this guy seems pretty serious, you know, he's got all these ducks in a row and that and knows what he's talking about. Um but that none of those conversations happen unless I ask the questions and I retain the information. So so writing it down definitely happens, but if I'm out and about, I might get my notes out on my phone and pop it down in my notes, or I'll just put hold the action button or whatever and speak to Siri and say take a note. I'll do that while I'm driving. I'll just press the button on the steering wheel when I'm driving, and I'll just say, Siri, take a note, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, and then it just saves it to my notes, and then I know that I can go into my notes and I've got everything that I need in there basically because I can't write it down while I'm driving.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

So Perfect. So when you have all of this information come in, um there must be times when you do get overwhelmed with it, or uh like like how do you how do you get yourself from that state of overwhelm and then come down?

SPEAKER_00 9:05

Uh I'm not that great at doing that sometimes. So sometimes I sometimes I'll I'll have like an influx of information come in and I will process that information, but I'll do very little with it to begin with. I'll just sort of collect it, put it onto a spreadsheet or whatever, you know, whatever my system is for that, and then I find that you know I'll start working on it, but then I'll drift. I'll go I I'll be doing something else and then I'll come back to it.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

We got a little bit off topic there, so uh we're gonna go on to the next question. Is this the thing when it's authentic? It we we do like to wander, don't we, off subjects. So uh but hopefully, uh hopefully you can see us authentic and hopefully you uh find it engaging. So uh yeah, anyway, next Marcus. Hopefully we answered your question.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Um so I've got a question here from Chloe. If you could give one piece of advice to someone who feels like they're constantly falling behind in life, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Can you answer that? Because I I this is something that I I struggle with quite a lot actually. I I never feel like I've done enough.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Well, everyone everyone seems to compare compare their behind the scenes to someone else's highlights, don't they? Yeah. And I think it's important to you know, just on the like the advice side for someone who who feels behind, like you're never behind, you're never actually behind, um, because you're only you're you only feel behind because you're looking at everyone else around you. But what you've got to remember is that there will be people there will be people looking at you, thinking and feeling that they're behind based on what they're seeing from you. So all the time you're sort of taking action and you're making moves, there's gonna be other people who one group of people will just go, that's you know, silly, you know, what's she doing that for? Um, you know, and those are the negative people, and you've got other people going, Yeah, I like what she's doing, but I wish I could be doing that, you know, and that's what you feel like at the moment. Like, you know, that's what I feel like sometimes as well. When I look at so many other successful entrepreneurs and business owners around me, you know, I surround myself with these people, I make sure that I have loads of them around me because the more I have around me, the more inferior I feel, yeah, the better.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Well, it gives you it gives you the drive, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

It does, because then I look at what I I'll ask the I'll ask them questions, I'll ask, you know, how did you do this? What did you do? Why is that like that? And they'll answer the questions, and you know, it's like it's like free information, they're happy to answer the questions, and I need them answering. Yeah, so it's like building the puzzle, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 11:57

People people who uh are driven to succeed or have s well, success is a funny word, really, isn't it? Because um the way I'm starting to say it now, it's not how I've always seen it, but uh certainly after doing this with you is that life is on the you you you have a journey plotted out and um there's never an end point. I've had I've had mentor calls with um with mentors in the academy as well, and uh this is something that struck me hard because I always thought there was a definitive ending point. And what it meant is that I compare myself to everyone else who have already got what I thought I needed in my life, which for me for a long time was like having my big house, um your wife, your children, and those things are amazing. I have them and I'm very appreciative, but the problem is I I wanted them too early because I wanted to finish the journey too early because I thought I was failing if I didn't. So I would look at people who are older, like parents' age, who have got businesses and um have done everything that we're doing right now, they've built but I wouldn't see that process, I'd just see the finished result and see why why haven't I got that? Why aren't I there? And then I'd beat myself up. And I'd look at I'd get sucked into the social media vibe, I suppose, as well, and then go, hang on, why how are they doing that? But the reality is they're talking about the win, but they're not talking about the pain that goes behind it like we are now, for example. So I would constantly judge myself just like you're saying. Now I find connecting with the people, just like you're saying, the networking and the socialising, and then understanding actually people aren't just winning all the time has been a massive key point for me. Because I never used to network, um which is ironic because I've always been quite sociable, but I never used to find networking that important, so now I realise it is because it not only helps you, but it also helps other people too, because you can give your perspective as well, so you become valuable, um, also, and I always kind of saw myself as not being very valuable, like I was wasting people's time. I don't really know where that came from, I can't explain that, but it it yeah, it exaggerates exactly what you're saying when networking is so important because it just it helps everyone, it benefits everyone.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yeah, progress is rarely linear, is it?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Exactly, exactly, and it's a journey, yeah. There's no definitive finishing point.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Yeah, and I'll tell you the the one the one thing that makes me understand this a bit better with with what that Chloe's question is that you know people come and ask me questions now, is if I've got the answers.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Well I ask you questions, like you've got the answers because it's it's what you do, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Hmm. I well I I I don't I don't see myself in that light though. That's that's the see this is the this is the the the self sort of misconception that we all seem to portray is that unless you do this for a living, and when I say for a living, I mean like you you you're a public speaker and you've got mentoring or something like that. Yeah, you're mentoring, or you know, then you know, and people people are expected to ask you questions, then when people do start asking you questions, you know, you think, Why are they asking me? You know, there's lots of other successful people in the room, and you know, I've obviously resonated with this person somehow, my story or whatever. Um, because we're every every networking event I go to, whether they let me have the microphone or not, I will I will stand up and I will say my say who I am and what I'm about basically.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

So um but end of the day that's not arrogant, it's not it that is going okay, so I've got something I can offer you. I want you to offer me what you've got as well, so we could collaborate. That's how I see it. Yeah, it's all about it. I've seen you talk on stage, and it's it leads to people coming to you, bringing bringing people together, which then allows both parties to benefit, doesn't it? So because it can what you're saying can easily be sort of um taken as arrogance, but it's really not arrogant.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Yeah, you're right. It could it definitely it sounds arrogant, yeah. It does, it definitely sounds arrogant, but it's not. It's it's that I I you know I realize that I potentially have some value that I could give to some people, and until you hear my story, until you hear you know, it's only 30 seconds of who I am and what I do, sort of thing, but until you hear that, you might not know that I can provide you with some value. Exactly. You know, the fact that I've got a construct the construction background, you know, and and I'll be honest with you, I don't leverage it. Like, and this is this is another an another thing for me, but um I'll talk about that in in a in a bit. It's not arrogance when you you know that you're what you're the reason you're doing it is is to better understand yourself and allow other people to better understand you and for you to be able to help other people. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

So I an example of that is um when you I must have just joined the academy, we were on a mastermind call together, and uh you mentioned ADHD, I think, in the chat or something like that, or maybe maybe you were talking, and then I reached out to you because you'd put your number in the chat, hadn't you? And then as soon as I reached out to you and you started talking, I was like, hang on, this this sounds so familiar. This this sounds like me in in the in the sense of what like how your mindset was was um portraying it. And for me, I've never I've had all these these feelings, um, all of this misunderstanding, or I've started to understand it, but I've not been able to comprehend it. Now to you, you were suddenly comprehending everything that I felt because turns out we're uh we're we're fairly similar. It's the key in the lock, isn't it? Exactly. And that's and that's what it is. It's so you so you're giving me this information, and I'm sitting here, I'm going, This is amazing. Now you some people might see it as arrogant, like I say, but it's it's not because you're trying to help me, you're you're coming from a place where you're trying to add value because I need it. It's like you can't sell something to someone unless they want to be sold to you, can you? So uh and that's the whole point of networking and going on stage, for example, isn't it? And sharing that 30-second pitch because we're all together and we want to be valuable to each other.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yeah, definitely. So don't feel behind. Don't feel like you're you're losing out or or whatever, because as long as you're as long as you're putting in the work, as long as you're moving in the direction that you want to be moving in and that you know you need to be moving in, then you shouldn't feel behind by looking at these other people. You should feel inspired by these other people of what they've achieved and what you're yet to achieve. Exactly. It's all a journey. Thank you, Chloe. Appreciate the question. Um Michael, Michael D, what's something you used to see as a weakness in yourself that you now see as a strength? Because these questions are actually These are intense, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

Honestly, I promise you we haven't made these questions up. No, these are these are brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

These are genuine questions from people. I'll ask the question again. What's something you used to see as a weakness in yourself that you now see as a strength? I'll start. That would be the my ADHD, my obsessive compulsive disorder, my Tourette, everything that's wrong with me is is is my strength. Because I realize that you can't, and it and it's especially in business as well, you can't progress without embracing it. Like you just can't. Like if you try and if you try and portray yourself as someone that you're not, you're just gonna be mocked for being a liar. So no one's gonna believe you, you're not gonna be credible, and and a lot of people run through life, you know, like pushing on that those personas onto other people that I'm this person, but in reality, behind closed doors, they're a completely different person. So what's the point? Why would you not just be your authentic self? So I think when you when it if if I was to answer the question, I would say that my biggest strength is being my authentic self that I thought was a weakness previously, and the reason I thought it was a weakness is because my authentic self has um you know has things has has conditions, has things wrong with him, you know. Uh like I said, about my Tourette's OCD, ADHD, and all those things. So I saw those as as weaknesses, and again, I think that's the system at play, you know, that's society at play, and the pressures that we feel in society where you're made to be diff feel different because you are different to the proverbial normal person, yeah. Um, because they don't have what you've got, so you're put into a category or a box, and you're expected to live there. You know, like I said that I don't know if I ever said that when I was at school, like when I had to do my exams, I think I've told you this.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I was gonna bring this up actually about your uh childhood.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah, so when we when I was at school, like um when I done my exams, my GCS. I had to sit by myself in a gymnasium. No, I didn't know this. In the So I had to sit by myself in a gymnasium, one table, one chair, in the middle of the gymnasium, the massive thing, right? By myself and do my exams because I wasn't allowed to be in the same room as other people a fear that I would be shouting the right the the answers to the questions. Well, first off, the teachers were stupid to think that was the case because I didn't know the bloody answers to the questions. Just to get that out of there.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Oh that's intense. But that's intense.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

They was worried that I would be I would be disturbing all the other students and and putting them off from being able to uh do well in their GCSEs. So yeah, they instead of putting me in a nice quiet classroom where it was a bit more comfortable and confined or whatever, no, I had to sit in the middle of the biggest gymnasium with uh just an individuator separately, you know, just for me, sat at the absolute opposite end. Just you know, and and that was it. And it was horrible. It was horrible that I had to. I mean, it's not bad, like I mean it's not like a you know someone like done anything bad to me, but it's the it's the feeling, it's not it's how it made me feel. It's like how it made me like it it it basically showed me how different I am from everyone else because I was treated.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

I was gonna I was gonna ask, so so what is the outcome that you did did that have any immediate effect on you, or is that something that you've then recognised later on?

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Oh yeah, I mean as a child it's definitely gonna have an immediate effect on you. Yeah, because again, when you're a kid, the social like your social life is is everything because you don't have a career, you don't have the stresses of earning money to worry about, you don't have family to worry about and supporting them, you don't have all of the things that we currently carry out carry on our shoulders walking through our life every day to worry about. So all you do really have to worry about is who your mates are and how you're perceived by by your peers and your social circles. So the the fact that I was made to feel different put me into a situation where I believed it, um and it structured how I it structured how I I spoke to people, it structured who I who I um spoke to and who I interacted and and who I interacted with. Um it it it pretty much shaped a lot of that for me and it wasn't until I don't know my late teens, I would say, that I started to realize or started to understand that there were people there were people out there who who didn't care about those things. You know, they didn't care about the fact that I had this or whatever, and and I started to see people that were actually interested in it as well. So I I was a bit baffled by that. Like why on earth would you be interested in it? Because I was so it was so burnt into my into my memory, you know, of how what I experienced at school. Um and you know, I'm sure there are other people out there who've had a lot worse experiences than me at school. Like, you know, my um my dad told me that he used to he used to get locked in a cupboard um while when he was at school, like because of his Tourette's. Oh, he had it as well. Yeah, my dad's got it as well. It's hereditary. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's hereditary, yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of my dad's got it.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Now that now that's a completely different era. Uh as well. Yeah, that's the pulling.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Uh that's the that's the pull yourself, uh your bootstraps. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Uh yeah, that's uh that's a conversation for another day, that is. Well, because um, yeah, there's uh there's certainly a difference in uh in mindset in in in the generations. We've spoken about that before, haven't we? So uh yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

I mean everyone's got this everyone's got these things, haven't they? Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

So what I'm trying to say it was just the way that it was dealt with at that time, correct, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Basically, exactly. I mean it's it's so much more known nowadays, and I don't I don't necessarily fear for um for for my son so much or my daughter, because again, it is hereditary, so there is a chance that my son will have it or my daughter will have it, more of a chance for my son because it's more prominent in the male genes than it is in the female genes. Yeah um, but I'm not so worried about it now because of who I've become, yeah, and how I've dealt with it, and how I am still dealing with it. So I know that I'm infinitely more knowledgeable, infinitely more wise about this subject now than like my dad ever was because he didn't even know he had it until I was diagnosed with it.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

So he went 30 odd years, 20 something yeah, 30 odd years of his life not even knowing what he had, and only being diagnosed with it when I was seven years old. Because of you, of me, because that's and that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

That absolute that baffles me that that was that was just uh societal mindset at the time, wasn't it, as well. So yeah, sit down, shut up. Exactly. On on that point, actually, and we will we will talk about the generational mindset, I think, on another podcast as well, because it's quite a big topic. But um my granddad's, for example, he he worked in a factory um on machinery all his life, and um it turns out I didn't I he he died when I was quite young, so I didn't know him well, but um he it turns out when I listened about the stories, he was very similar, and I imagine that he would have had ADHD if it had been talked about nowadays. And I imagine there was a lot of people that did as well. And um he used to from what my my my dad has explained, he used to boil out and snap. And um at the time the way you dealt with that was to go to the pub. Yep. Or uh or or take it out by smashing the house up or something like that, because that's how you dealt with it in at the time. And uh it never really it never really resonated with me that much until recently when I started thinking, hang on. Okay, the hereditary sort of uh subject, for example, my my uncle I think was the same. He he had a um I didn't know my uncle as well because he died when I was young um from a brain tumour, unfortunately, but um my parents have said how he used to sort of start a business and then it would fail. And then you start a business, it would fail, and I imagine it was the same sort of similar situation as what we're talking about with ADHD again. And um we've got no scientific proof or anything, but I imagine there is an a essentially like a hereditary element to it as well. But for me, when I now listen to those stories, I don't want Thomas to I don't want my son to go through the same scenario where it's just like, oh well, you just get on with it, don't you? And then deal with it. Because I want him to prosper. And I feel like society now is is accepting it a lot more, that's why we're sitting here able to do this now and hopefully resonate with other people as well. And um yeah, that's that's a that's an interesting topic, but I didn't know that uh Tourette's was hereditary, uh hereditary. That's something that's something I've learned today.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

So yeah, yeah, it is. And um sorry Chloe, hopefully we've answered your question. We have gone around the house again. Yeah, we're gonna we that's what we do. We we start off with something and then we just segue into something else, but we're gonna continue talking, but hopefully we answered your question, Chloe, and thank you for your thank you for your question. Yeah, thank you very much. Um sorry, ask me the question again.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Um Yeah, so I never realised that Tourette's was hereditary. That's something I've learned today.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Yeah, um, yeah, it's one of those it's one of those things that is is hereditary. Um so I think there's about well the way it works, so I've been led to believe, uh I mean I'm not a scientist, so I don't, you know, I know a lot about it, but I don't know the ins and outs of of how exactly um I don't think even the you know medical experts know exactly how this works, but it seems to run in cycles. So you'll have over four generations, there will be one generation out of those four where it skips. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

That's a very small percentage of generational hereditary tourettes as well, isn't it? Yeah, so like that's a big effect on a family. Yeah. That's my point.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah. So I think my granddad so he was speaking to my my nan. Yeah, speaking to my nan, she she said that he used to I think he said yeah, she used to he used to have like twitches or you know, like n a nervous twitch, because that's what they thought my dad had, was a nervous twitch. Um so potentially he had it, my granddad. Um and then obviously my dad's got it, and then I've got it as well. So the one in four could mean that my son doesn't get it. Right. Or my daughter, you know, my son and my daughter don't get it. But even if they don't have it, like both my sisters don't have it. Okay, that's interesting. But they carry the gene. Right. So and what it does is it works on a split and a a split of percentages, yeah? So obviously I've got it and I had like a 75% chance of getting it. Because of my dad had it and my great granddad or whatever had it as well, my dad granddad had it. Um so I I had a high percentage of having it. Now for my son, I think it's about it works out around about a 50 50 to 55% chance that he will have it. It's like a 50-50 that he will have it. Just because it it diminishes over you know, over uh a period of time, over those four generations, yeah. And the chances are if my granddad had it, my dad had it, I've got it, then he might not have it. So there's a 50-50 chance. My s my daughter, like it's less than a 25% chance that she'll have it, but she'll still carry the gene. But what that means is that there's potentially a 50% chance if she has a son that he will have it. Because it's more dominant in the male gene, it works like if she had a daughter, there's almost no chance that she'll have it. But if she has a son, it could be like a 50% chance that he has it, or a 40% chance, much higher, um, just because of how it dominates the the male gene more than the female gene. It's not to say that there aren't lots of women out there with Tourette's, there are. It's just more prominent in the male gene.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

That's interesting. That's interesting. Um one thing that we've spoken about before, speaking of Tourette, um, it's slightly off topic, but um well, we don't have a topic, so well we haven't got a topic, no, but um you've told me that when you tick you don't always notice it. No! Which absolutely blew my mind when we were talking about this earlier. Um and I suppose you get accustomed um to your body doing what it's doing. For example, I've I've I've I had my accident ten years ago. Um, you get accustomed to the pain, don't you? And I assume it's quite similar. But one thing you said about to me, and I'd like you to explain this, is uh the muscle fibres and how that affects you.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

So the yes. Now we were talking about golf. We were talking about golf. So I so a ri a really good friend of mine, um, he's he's a he's a fantastic golfer and a really good coach as well. Um he he basically got me my from my handicap at like I think it was like 28 or something like that, all the way down to 10. Um and in a in a very short space of time as well. So you look at my my golf uh my England golf app, it's like it gives you a graph, yeah, like of like over time, and mine's like da da da da da da and it just like literally goes down when I started working with with my mate Addy. Um he's got like a whole like track man sort of you know room like in Hastings, it's an amazing setup. MRO MRO performance golf is fantastic. You should go go and see him, he'll get your handicap down. Um but yeah, like I worked with Addy and and it was it was something that I I I really related with him. I was able to connect with him really well as well because so he works as a teacher, but he works with like a sense, I think it's like Senko. Senko, yeah. Yeah, so but he's like like way up in in East Sussex. Um but I think he used to be a he used to be a teacher um doing that as well. So his ability to to teach is unbelievable.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

He's now one thing I just want to point out as well is you you said to me earlier that you uh you tick more when you talk about it as well. Now for those who are listening right now, Luke is like ticking out as a word like big time, because some people probably don't believe it's genuine sometimes, but I you're sitting here and it must be horrendous.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

I'll add in a few shots while he's talking in the uh in the edit.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Sorry, carry on about the golf.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Uh so anyway, I went to um so went to Addie, he's he's like got that background in teaching. So his ability to teach was great, but he also knows how to teach kids with problems and you know things that they suffer with. So it was just for me, I don't know, there was a good connection there. But what we found was that I kind of baffle him a little bit because I'm able I'm able to I'm able to fire and swing a golf club like extremely fast but accurately as well. Um when I've been practicing it and I get it all on all everything on cue, um I can hit the ball an absolute bomb. Um but I'm it's just my my club head speed is so quick because where my Tourette's has constantly been like this all the time, like my body tension and it's moving, it's jerking, and like I'm moving, click that there, you know. What happens is it it builds um uh fast twitch fibres. Yeah, it builds really fast um responsive twitch fibers. Yeah, so I can go from the top of my backswing into the downward and transition so much quicker than he's ever seen before.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

It's that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

He's like, I've I I just don't know how you do it. He's like, I I you know I remember when um I remember we we were doing like some speed training, like how fast I could swing a club and that, and and he was just like, I just don't get it. He's like, I I I can try he he and he'll try himself, you're like you're trying to swing as fast as me. Yeah, and he can't get anywhere near it.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

So my point of asking that question is that if we can learn to harness these things, they become superpowers, don't they? Exactly that, yeah. Yeah if you're playing golf.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah, but not even just golf though, like anything that requires a hand-eye coordination, I'm really good at. Yeah, like when it comes to like like tennis or badminton or something like that, you know, where you've got um a racket or a bat or whatever, like anything hand-eye coordination, even just throwing and catching, you know, I'm I'm I'm really good at that because I'm able to I'm able to move like fast, I'm able to anticipate things and I'm able to correct like so quickly as well. Like one thing that Addy said that for for me is I'm really good at doing, but it's bad, is that if I if I'm in the in the middle of a swing and something's wrong, like my club face has turned out a whole level like that, yeah? My body has the ability to make the microsecond adjustment within my body itself to correct based on what the club head's doing, so my body recognises that something's wrong as well, and instead of going, Well, we'll we'll try and put it back to where it needs to be, it just goes, nope, let's just do this instead.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

And and it just so you know, I mean that's no, that's amazing because it's a really it's a really valid point because when when when you have uh uh abnormalities, I'll call it in this sense, it teaches you so much about your body, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. So for for example, my crash taught me so much about the human body. Yeah. It's unbelievable because you're living it. Yeah, you do it. And uh for for you, you mentioned to me before when you were uh when you were younger, um because of the struggle socializing, you then had to learn ways to socialise so you would read the dictionary or things like that. I would, yeah. Well for those of you who don't know Luke, it's like talking to Chat GPT with some of the uh with some of the articulation that he comes out with. So mind over mortar, the the title was you come up with that, didn't you? And it just comes out your brain. And it that that's a that's an example of harnessing that abnormality to turn it into a superpower. Yeah. And that's that's exactly what uh that's exactly what we're aiming towards with ADHD. And uh with with my accident, for example, rather than resenting it and hating on it and asking why and then feeling sorry for myself, try to utilize it to go, okay, it created these opportunities. And that's what it's about. And that that's uh that's what we're trying to do to resonate with people as well, so that they can recognise things that they think uh are hindrances, but actually turn them into a superpower so that they can prosper.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

I think they know that by now as well.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

I hope so.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

But I'm gonna keep saying it. I'm gonna keep saying it. We've said it lots of times, but uh yeah, no, I mean it's again you're right, but I I I I just the the thing is the more we talk about it for me um and a thank you, I do appreciate the kind words you said about me there. I don't see myself like that though. See, this is this is the other thing, this is the imposter syndrome thing kicking in now because you're saying these things about me, and you know you're you're saying them in in a in a good light, like you know, you're able to do this and you're able to do that, and I just don't ever I don't ever see that. I just don't, I I never I never think twice. But you're right, I when I was when I was younger, where I didn't really have many friends, um, because of my Tourette's I was the weird kid. People people stayed away from me. Um and because of that, I never really had I mean I had I had friends, you don't get me wrong, but I feel like most of those people just felt sorry for me. And that sounds even worse, I know, but like I feel like a lot of my friends early on were because people felt sorry for me, or their mum said to them, like, go and play with that kid over there, you know. No, it's it's like the the charity case, you know. You know, I was just that kid. Um, and you might not think that now, you know, because of how sociable I am and that, but I feel like it was a lot of the the a lot of the things I had to grow up a lot quicker than everyone else, you know. My childhood um was was was a bit of a battleground, you know, and I was always on edge. I was a bit like a cat, do you know what I mean? Like I was always on edge, you know, and always ready to if I needed to. So I where I didn't have lots of friends, I thought, well, it's probably because I don't have much to talk about, because I don't talk to kids, you know, my age, so I don't know what we talk about very much. So I started just like reading the dictionary and just reading about words and what they mean and encyclopedias as well. Like my dad brought us a game um for for the computer back on Windows 93. Um yes, back in the dial-up days of AOL. That's right. Um cables up the stairs. Yes, yeah. Who's on the internet? I need to use the phone. That's what problems are. Those are the days that now it's kids these days they don't understand, do they? Um, but yeah, I mean, when when um when I when I was younger, my dad bought us uh a game for the uh for the PC, um, and it was an encyclopedia game, and like you'd learn lots of things on it by doing like challenges and tasks and that, and it was quite educational, and it taught me a lot, and that was what made me like start reading the encyclopedias as well. But the reason I did it was so that I would be able to talk to other people, and what I really what is you know, these things are happening right now because like in my brain I'm realising stuff, and it's crazy. Um, but what what happened was that I was learning all of this stuff, and I was gaining a load of knowledge right on these encyclopedias on you know um games and and books and that, and then I was trying to have conversations with 10, 11-year-old kids about society and world and things like that. And and what I realized was that like these these kids didn't even know what I was talking about. No, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

I can't even have that conversation with them.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

No, but what I found was though, I could talk to their parents, yeah. So I've always had this innate ability to be able to talk to literally anyone, and that's only happened through life, so I can talk to Someone who's in their 90s and relate and be able to experience like you know stuff that they've experienced and be able to have information on it and know what they're talking about, down to like my daughter who's three years old, you know, or two years old, you know, and talk to her about stuff like unicorns, yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

See, I I've always struggled actually on that subject with talking uh talking in general. Yeah, talking in general, clearly, as you can see, yeah. Um but I always I always resonated more with older people because I found them interesting. Um rather than I I I'd struggle with the the uh the the childish stuff a little bit, um which then kind of always me made me feel a little bit antisocial, I suppose. Um like I didn't quite connect with other people or the group. So uh it's interesting you bring that up actually, but I didn't have Tourette, so obviously it was a bit more extreme situation in your case, but I always felt just a little bit different. Yeah. And um I think it was because I preferred the engagement of intellectual things. Yep. Even though one of my brain goes blank, it doesn't seem that way.

SPEAKER_00 45:09

But do you know what I found that um one of the one of the reasons why I'm I educate myself and I read books and things like that, because that stimulates my ADHD. So that needs, that hunger for sort of like engagement, learning, new things. And so instead of like my wife will will tell you, I'm the same as you, you know, I've I have 101 hobbies. Do you know what I mean? And I pick something up and then I put it down and do you know what I mean? I end up spending loads of money on it and then sell it or whatever. Um but I can't what I can't do is I can't just sort of sit still, like I have to be sort of learning something, or I have to be stimulating my brain. So by reading um and doing like research into I just research things for the fun of it. Yeah. I do, yeah, I genuinely do. I just research things for the fun of it, just to give me some stimulation. Um, and I think that is if you've if you've got ADHD and you don't read, um, quite often, like it took me, it took me, I'm not very good at reading, so like, you know, I'm I I've I've learnt obviously to get better. Um, but like sitting down and reading a book cover to cover, I just can't do it, you know. I uh I don't have the attention span like to to retain the information or like to to sort of stay focused in it. So what I found was like reading books cover to cover was just never really my thing until I just got my wife bought me a Kindle like a few years ago, and I was like, I don't know, it's not a book though, is it? You know, and I started reading it and I was like, it's alright, it's alright, you know, but it's not the same, a bit lighter, it's nicer, and then I realised you could change the settings on it, and I was like, oh so I read. If anyone who has a Kindle and you've got ADHD, just give it a go. Don't just give it a go, thank me later. But I found that I could read ten times faster on my on my um Kindle when the background was in black and the the text was in white. So I've got mine set up like that, and also I focus it in like quite close as well. So there's quite a few, you know, the um there's not like tiny little words on a page, they're sort of, you know, not as big as they can be, but they're probably like 75% or whatever. Um and it just feels like so much more of an accomplishment. I can just read through text like one over and over and over again, um, you know, and just just just run through them and not have to not have to worry about like stumbling on my words or or reading the whole page and then having to reread it again because I've forgotten what I was saying. Um, but yeah, so I think we're we're probably gonna wrap this episode up here as well. Um I think we're at the about an hour now, aren't we? So um thank you very much for tuning in. Um remember to like and subscribe, leave us a comment, leave us some questions. Uh, we love reading out your questions at the beginning of episodes. Um, but yeah, until the next episode, um you can subscribe here or you can watch our previous episode over here.