Are We Too Scared To Be Ourselves Now?

Why do so many people avoid saying what they really think now?

In this episode of Mind Over Mortar, we get into authenticity, fear of judgment, social pressure, online culture, and why so many people seem to say what is safe instead of what is true.

We talk about filtering yourself, bottling things up, snapping later, social media, cancel culture, reputation, fitting in, business relationships, and the risk that comes with being genuine in public.

This episode also touches on authenticity in business, giving too much of yourself away, fear of being judged, why people wear masks socially, and what happens when you finally decide to stop pretending.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why people say what is safe instead of what they think

• Bottling things up and snapping later

• Authenticity versus acceptance

• Social media, surveillance and cancel culture

• The risk of being genuine online

• Business relationships and filtering yourself

• Telling the truth versus keeping the peace

• Faith, identity and being honest about who you are

If this resonates with you, let us know in the comments:Do you think people are more honest in real life, or online?

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There’s no pressure at all. Just listening is more than enough.

But if you do choose to support, it genuinely helps us keep these episodes going.

Follow Mind Over Mortar for more real conversations around business, mindset, identity and personal growth.

⏰⏰ VIDEO CHAPTERS ⏰⏰

0:00 Why People Don’t Say What They Really Think

1:14 Bottling It Up Until It Comes Out

6:50 Authenticity, Ego and Saying What’s Safe

14:31 Truth, Business and Due Diligence

21:11 Is Being Authentic Now Risky?

31:55 Faith, Belief and Saying It Out Loud

37:23 Fear of Judgement and Social Acceptance

42:01 Final Thoughts & Outro

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I don't understand why people don't say what they really think anymore. It seems like people are scared to say what's on their mind and instead they'll just say what's safe. So when was the last time that you said something without filtering at first? For the story of my life there.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

I'm a lot better at doing it now than I used to be. But a lot of my frustration and anger has always come from people not telling the truth. It's a real key point for me, people not being genuine. For me, now that I'm starting to understand myself more and kind of uh utilise the tools that I've got, I'm like, no, okay, so I have to be authentic to myself. And so I still get frustrated by people who aren't. However, in a modern life scenario where we're using social media, where there's cameras about, where there's CCTV, there's more surveillance with anything, there's more information available. I feel like it is harder to sort of pretend to be something that you're not. But having said that, it's also easier to then be something that you're not because you've got technology to do it for you as well. But going back to your question.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

When was the last time you said a thought, you had a thought, and you just said it completely unfield?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

I I do that daily, but it was always mainly with my family because I suppose you feel comfortable, don't you, as such. I would then struggle to say it to the people around me, like my employer, for example, I'd say what I actually thought because I was worried about the judgment of it, but then what would happen is that I would get frustrated and they would boil up, and then what would happen is I'd snap and then it would all come out in one go. And then, as I've mentioned before, I would then regret what I've said, even though it was actually what I wanted to say in the first place. But because I didn't say it at the time it was originally brought up, the issue, that might have been like six weeks ago, the original, the original time that issue was first brought up, and then six weeks later, a series of things have built up over time, and then something would trigger me about that original subject, and then snap outpours all of this truth, all of this information from my brain that I'd wanted to say for a long time. I've been trying to bottle in and hide up, and then it pours out. And what would be frustrating about that part of the cycle is a lot of people are very good at not telling the truth, very good at pretending and just carrying on with life and being okay with it, where I never was. I was always so uh gen uh genuine and heart on my sleeve, this is what I am, this is who I am, if I don't like you, I tell you, but at the same time, then scared of the judgment, I'd be like, hang on, how are these guys like able to tell these fabricated stories and then believe it in themselves? And it would wind me up. It would wind me up. But in my family situation, which is where I would do it the most, because I'm comfortable and there's not really a consequence. This is how I used to think there wasn't really a consequence uh because I knew they were my family, they weren't necessarily gonna go anywhere, which is a bad way to think about it because your family are your biggest asset, you know, they're the most important people. But I wouldn't worry about upsetting them because I didn't feel like they were gonna go anywhere. But that's taken it for granted, I suppose. I now I try to be a lot more articulate and uh a lot more understanding. I used to be very black and white, this is what I think, and if you don't think it, you know, then then you're stupid. Uh now I don't think like that. Because of the effect that that has on people around me that I care about. The nice thing is now that I'm doing and building my businesses and I'm working with investors, I realise that if you have an attitude where, like before, I wouldn't stand up for myself, I suppose, in essence, because I was worried about the fear of the judgment from that person, it would then now have it have a consequence because I'd just end up getting mugged off in business. And I can't be doing that, especially if I'm working with investors or I'm putting money in. So now I'm I'm a lot more content with being like, no, hang on, that's not that's not gonna work. Okay, we need to come to a solution, but it's because it's coming from a place that's not through anger and frustration and emotion, it's becoming from a more controlled state, which is a nice feeling. That's a that's a satisfying feeling because that that that sort of portrays what I'm trying to achieve when I'm trying to level out my my emotions so that they are controllable and I can utilize them as a tool going forward in business.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

So, how much of your personality is actually you versus what's acceptable?

SPEAKER_01 4:39

I would say now that we're doing this, a lot of it is my personality. But it's not a true reflection on what I used to be like because I'm trying to control it. If you see what I'm saying? I know that's a bit of a vague answer, but in in business and in life, obviously we have to get things done and we have to collaborate and we have to work together with people to make things happen. So you have to have a balance, just like you would in in a relationship, husband and wife. You have to come to compromises, and it can be very hard to do because in a money-driven society, which is the world, it always has been, if people get so focused on the money, it will drive them to just become something that they're not. And that's not a new thing, that's not new news to anyone, is it? But it's it's a concept because I'm not fully driven by money, I I like to help and connect and resonate with people. Obviously, I want to make money at the same time so I can provide, but it gets frustrating when you're working with people that are only meant money driven, so they put on that facade, don't they? And that's that's when my real frustration comes out. So, what I've learned going forward is to try and pick and choose people and and then I suppose vet them more intentionally so that when I'm working with someone, I know that they're working on the same level as me with the same mindset. So, like you and I, we work well together because we're on the same level, aren't we? Whereas I've tried to work with some uh some other investors in the past, and I just I didn't feel that we were on the same page, and that's fine because if people aren't like me, that's okay. They have their priorities, their ways, their methods, and that works for them. But they need to find someone that that works for themselves, so they're not having to pretend. And this is what I've come to realise as well. For me, in to not pretend, to not put on a facade, I have to choose the right people to work with. It's taken me a long time to work that out because I always wanted I'd I'd always look at other people around me and be like, how have they got that? Okay, I need to be like them, but it doesn't work like that. It's it's because then it then then I'm trying to be something I'm not. Does that answer your question? Sorry, that would that that was a long answer.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, that answers the question. I think you know, with like regards to me and you, very similar sort of mindset when it comes to that. Like I don't uh I won't necessarily stroke anyone's ego and tell them what they want to hear just for just to appease them. Um but that's not to say that I haven't done that, depending on who you're talking to, will determine and how long you've known them, will determine sort of like how you how you speak to them and what you give them. Like there's people in my life that just want to be fed what they want to hear, and you know, for the most part, it's not true, but it just want the you know, they they just want people to stroke their o their ego, and those those people they're really fragile as well, and they present themselves like uh to the world very differently, um, and they don't say what they think, um, they just you know they're scared of saying what their their mind is actually speaking, um, so they don't speak it, they just they have this real innate ability to filter everything before it comes out and then present it to the world so it's more acceptable. Yeah, and I I think it's risky doing that, but I'm seeing it more and more. Like, I don't know if people truly know what to think anymore. And people get get they get f afraid, like you know, big social media people and um you know, personalities, they they're so worried of this cancel culture of being like cancelled you know for saying something, and it's happened so many times. You know, there's lots of different examples of people that have been cancelled for saying something that's controversial, but what I don't understand is how we got here. How do we get to that point where saying something that's controversial is no longer acceptable? Like, why is that a thing now? You should be able to speak your mind freely, and you know, you think you look at like Keir Starmer, he says, you know, when he's talking to Donald Trump, he says, Oh, we've had free speech in this country for God knows how many years now. Well, it's a load of crap. Because people are getting thrown in prison for social media comments, you know. I mean I think the UK's got this highest level of imprisonment from social media content, you know, from comments or anything like hate crimes and Yeah, it's interesting. And it's it's it's interesting. I mean, I don't I I certainly don't um condone anyone who you know bullies online or says things which are intentionally set to hurt that person. I don't agree with that, but I also don't agree that you should be censored for saying like what you think. Everyone should be able to say what they think because when we live in the society where you're having to fluff everything up and make it nice and cushy for everyone else around you to digest, you're never actually speaking your mind, you're never actually talking your truth and speaking your truth.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

So I I just I feel like a lot of people are scared now and they don't know what to say, so what they do is they err on the side of caution and they just say what they think is safe, yeah, and and then it creates a uh a cult as such, I suppose, because then other people do the same thing and they agree with them, and then what's happened is you've got one leader. I mean, mind you, we we're talking about an issue that's uh been around since the start of time, I suppose, as a very human problem. But what I think, in contrast to that now, is that maybe life hasn't changed, we just see more of it because of social media and surveillance and it's put in your face now. So you've got all of these opinions coming from different places, and all of this, all of these cults following certain people, that then it becomes very difficult to say exactly what you believe in because there's so much information being thrown at you. But then you don't want to upset them people because they'll come after you, and then you don't want to upset them people because they'll come after you, and then you have everyone going, so then you have to choose one so that you've got a bit of a uh a following to back you up so that when them guys come after you, but then again, I mean that probably used to happen with gang culture anyway, back in well, since the start of time, but it's uh it's an interesting point because we're now doing what we're trying to do where we're talking kind of genuinely. And when you say, when you when you ask me, so how much of me is genuine in this situation, well, this this is me, this is what I'm good at. I'm not political, I'm not particularly interested in following what's going on in the world, apart from the point that I have to in order to keep up with uh with business and life, purely because I realise now that life is just opinion, isn't it? We do have obviously scientific fact and things like that, and pro that are proven by data, etc. I'm not gonna have people come after me maybe for saying these things, but I find it so difficult to believe what I see a lot of the time now because they're coming from different places. So, for example, a relative said to me yesterday um with the Daily Mail, with the Daily Mail, Samuel Lewis was in the Daily Mail. She said her opinion on uh on Samuel Leeds, and I said, Okay, fair enough. Well, I'm in the academy, so uh I'm around people that are are doing well out of the Samuel Leeds Academy. So I don't believe you, but maybe you're right, you know, I'm not I'm not Samuel Leeds. So, and it becomes very difficult to then argue and justify because then with all of this information that we have in front of us nowadays, how do you process and then genuinely believe those things? I suppose you have to you have to just wow, I I now sit very I just I try to sit in the middle a lot more. This is why I'm not so black and white now, because there's so much information available. Now I don't know if you agree with this point or not, but what it does make me is it makes me a little bit blase to things, I suppose, because I'm not actually following a specific following, like I'm not particularly interested in the war that's going on because I don't know where that information's coming from. Yes, people could argue, yes, but it was on Sky News, or it was on it come from this source, it come from that source, but I don't know who's behind that, you see. And where I used to get wound up and overthink all these things, like okay, so where what are you telling me? Oh, this guy said this and this guy said that, and that information came from there, and that now I try not to. And this is why I was so anti-social media up until I started using it as a business tool, because I didn't want to be part of it, and it used to overwhelm me as well. So now, as far as what you're seeing here, this is this is me. This this is me basically telling you how I feel, and now telling the world how I feel genuinely. And I do feel like we are going a bit more that direction, which is nice as well. Uh, the wedding industry, for example, the polished sort of image that you had to portray as a wedding venue from 10 years ago, that's sort of fading now where the next generation has come along and they want authenticity. They want to, they want to be able to connect with you, so they like to see the imperfections, which is nice for someone like me who like who sort of wears their heart on their sleeve, and uh hopefully I can then you know resonate and connect with the right people. And for me, that's what it's about connecting with the right people. Have you got an example of yourself when you've done so going back to the first question you asked me about when was the last time you spoke the truth to someone? Have you got an example of that?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

I I I do try and speak the truth no matter how controversial it may be at all times. I kind of pride myself on my ability to not necessarily filter out what I'm thinking. I think that comes a little bit from the fact that I've got Tourette's. I know that might sound a bit uh strange, but there is a connection there because for you know, for for me with living with Tourette's, I don't get to choose what comes out of my mouth. You know, I don't get to choose the words that I speak sometimes. And I think that's programmed me almost to kind of be that way because some of the things I've said in the past have been quite uh aggressive and obscene, you know, especially to people that maybe don't deserve it, but that's not my fault. Um but when when I do see something where I'm quite strong opinionated on it, I am I do hold that strong opinion and I will speak speak my mind, but I just I just get worried because like when you when you relate this back to to business and you go, right, well, how many people are just trying to you know present me a load of fluff at the moment and just trying to stroke my ego or just trying to present something to me that I'm gonna be interested in only to find out further down the line that it's not what they said it was gonna be, or you know, that's it's kind of like I th I feel like I'm seeing it a lot at the moment, like for example, with with regards to um working with other deal sources, when you're looking at deals that other people are putting in front of you on your desk, and they're you know looking to co-source with you, you're you know, you're interested because you know they've got a deal, you might have an investor, you know, you could both make money out of it, great. But when you're an out when you're analysing these deals and you're looking at them and you're going, how on earth do they get to these numbers? I have no, I just cannot get to the same conclusion as what they've got to, and then you talk to them about it and you ask them about their due diligence and what they did, and then they run you through it, and you just see the holes and you're like, This guy's just gaslighting me. He's just they're just gaslighting you because what they're doing is they found what they think's a deal, they found what they think works, and they're they're quite willing and happy to sell it to someone who's naive. Well, I'm not like that, and I won't do that. I won't present something to an investor where I'm not confident enough that I would take it on myself. So that sort of due diligence and that reputation for me is is massive, and I will go and tell that that deal sourcer in a constructive manner, I'll say to them, look, this is this don't work, you know, for this reason, this reason, this reason. And I and I hope when I do it, I'll explain to them why it doesn't work, and I hope that they go back and they look at what they've done and they go, actually, do you know what he's probably right there? And it might change the way that they do do it in the future, or at least how they present it to me. But it's scary to think that these people exist. And it's scary to think these people are making money off the back of investors who are putting their hard-earned money into projects which they're being sold uh a pipeline dream, only to find that it doesn't work. So I will be I will be up front and open about it, and I will say what I think. And I I just don't I just don't think you gain anything from lying to people about these things, but on the flip side of the coin, you know, I I c I can't say that I'm not guilty of being careful what I've what I'm saying in certain situations and circumstances, and I think that's mainly driven by society that we live in and the sort of like that council culture and you know the online sort of presence and also what is acceptable now in like the the woke era, you know, where you hurt someone's feelings because you've said something, but what you've said is the truth, they just don't like hearing it. That's a good point, however.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

So my my dad was born in 1945, right? And uh I was raised in the 90s, but from a dad who had lived post-world war. And he always would always say about they go out to town and um people would just you like be in the bar and they like they'd stare at you because they wanted a fight, right? And then instead of people getting in trouble over a comment on Facebook, it would be a comment that was made in the pub, right? So the reason I'm saying this is I don't think things have changed. The difference is you would just someone would just punch you, then it would just be alright, it was acceptable. You just have a fight, and then that'll be done. Well not necessarily it might cause it might cause more of a ruckus when the gangs get involved and blah blah blah. But now because what you're saying where you're in the social eye and then so many more people can see you, other people then jump on the bandwagon and get involved. Whereas maybe post uh pre-social media, sorry, um you might have had a fight with the guy who look looked at your funny in the bar and that was it, and then you just move on with life. Because once the testosterone was released, it was like okay, well, I'm gonna move on. Um but I suppose there's a longer-term consequence now of that because of that social proof, that chain of recorded writing, that it can then be it can haunt you for a lot longer, and then it can have bigger repercussions legally, maybe not physically, but then legally leads to mentally.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah, so that's the new fight in the bar, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I I I looked at you funny on Instagram. Did you? So now we're gonna have a 20-year feud legally about it.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

But now I'm scared of being judged. Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

We're not gonna have a fight because we're not allowed to do that. But I'm gonna I'm gonna smile at you and grin and pretend it's all okay. And that that that I think is uh is a problem now. Um that definitely comes with you have to behave and conform because life needs to move on and it moves on so fast that if you've got these battles, these social battles, these legal things hanging over you, it has such a massive hindrance nowadays compared to maybe what it used to. Then again, I didn't live there, so I don't know. It'd be interesting for someone, you know, of the previous generations to comment on that.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

But yeah, so I mean I'll bring this topic up because like we so we live quite a lot of our life online now. Yeah. Like, you know, with what we do for a living, you you know, you have to utilize social media. But I suppose now being in that position where you're having to present a lot of your stuff online on Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, all these other sort of platforms which are all social media driven. Do you think that being authentic is now actually quite risky?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

I'll be honest, it's one of the things that I do think about when we're doing this. But at the same time, I've got to a point in life where I'm like, no, this is me. I am a person who worries about reputation and because of it is is genuine. As much as I can be, because that's where I feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable because everyone goes on about you know, you need to be comfortable in your own skin doing what you're trying to do in order to succeed. So now I've got to the point where I'm like, okay, so this is what I'm good at. I'm good at being authentic, I'm good at telling people what I'm feeling and not feeling guilty about it anymore. That's why we're here. But it is a risk. It is a risk because I do worry if if us doing this podcast, for example, is a gamble, and maybe people will be thinking, oh, well, Matt's weak. You know, he he shouldn't be thinking like that. He oh he I can't rely on him because he tells the truth. Or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

At the same time, I don't feel guilty about it because to me, I would rather work with people that are genuine and have the same sort of mindset as me. Because I know that I'm not at risk of being mugged over, for example. I say that lightly because you know, never say never.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

But uh no, and I think you go you go back to like what you you sort of briefly touched on earlier on, like with regards to like Samuel Leeds, he's constantly going through backlash in the media, um, you know, he's got members of parliament that are outright saying in the House of Commons that they're coming for him. And I think for anyone outside of like the Academy, they might have an image of him as this guy who's not authentic, who's just basically selling people um a dream, and they're not actually going to get anything out of it. And it makes you wonder like whether people respect honesty now or if they actually start to punish you for it. Because, you know, you look at um, you know, some of, for example, Samuel's posts, like when he was uh he was due to come back for the dinner and he couldn't get a flight out because of all of the stuff that's going on in the war. Um, you know, he took a private jet instead, and that just kicked off a massive debate in the social media world with regards to him. You know, you had I I was looking at some of the comments, and um, some of the comments on um one of the comments on the um one of his videos was uh another example of it never actually happened, and it was a it was a picture of him of Samuel on the plane with his wife and his kids, and the person who wrote that comment obviously looked at that photo and thought that this was just him making it up, like he was not actually on the plane, he was just sort of you know making out as if he is, and you know, we know because we we met him, do you know what I mean? And we've we we know we know the story, we talk to him quite regularly, so we see it in a different way to to how these other people see it, and especially like you know, even members of parliament who want to come for him because he's really good at like working the system, but every business owner who's worth their salt, who has an established and well-formed company, is always going to find ways, find loopholes and find effective ways where they pay as little tax as possible. And I think that's the goal, really, isn't it? I've said it's the game of life. It is the game, it's the game of life, isn't it? And we unfortunately, you know, fortunately, we live in this country. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Great Britain, and you know, I honestly I do, it's it's I I love this country that I live in. It is a shame to see that the country is turning into something that I can't recognise myself in so much anymore. Um but you know, you've got these people in in parliament and government who who want to punish the people who are successful, you know, they want to punish them. If you're not their mate, basically, then you shouldn't be doing well. And you know, we're we're raised and bred into a system to work. We are basically, as far as the government's concerned, we are all civil servants, you know, we are all bred to work for the state, and it's it it doesn't benefit the entrepreneurial mindset or being a business owner unless you're bringing something really substantial to the country. And you could argue that everyone who runs their own business, who uh employs people, who drives innovation, infrastructure, they all bring massive value to this country, but you can't help but stop and look at how these people are also being punished for doing that at the same time. It's counterintuitive to to the dream. I mean, if you look at America, for example, land of the free, home of the brave, you know, it's it's it's where people go to make you know their the the American dream, as they call it. And it exists, don't get me wrong, it exists, but it should exist in every country. You should be able to do that in in every country. And you think, well, all these people are there, they're all going off to Dubai now. They're all moving to Dubai because you get tax breaks over there, and fine, but what's the what's the cost relative to living out there? You know, I'm I'm sure that it's well, you know, I've been told it's it's very expensive to live out there. So what you're saving a tax over here, uh over there, sorry, you might you you might not be much better off. Do you know what I mean? So it's it's it is a strange one, but I feel like people who are in the media who are exposed to that bigger sort of media presence, they are punished for their honesty. And I just don't really understand it if I'm honest with you. I think everyone should be able to be honest about their situation and not be judged for it, but again, that's not the world we live in.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

No, that's right. So going back on subject, when you are genuine, which uh I you know you you are, how does it make you feel when you're uh when when you're in those situations where you're dealing with those people? So so not from a business perspective but from inside you. And I I'll give you an example. So for myself, when I'm dealing with those people, I get anxious that I'm giving too much information away because I'm being genuine. This is where this is the sort of perspective I'm coming from. Now, did does that ever cross your mind?

SPEAKER_00 28:25

No, I'm very free with the information that I provide. I'm I help as many people as I possibly can, you know, and and I and I always will. It's just in my nature to to I'm very much a a giver when it comes to those things. I don't believe that holding on to information that's you know could be used by others to better their lives and better their circumstances should be you know held to me and closed in my vault. You know, if I've got value to be able to add to other people's lives, then I'll freely give it. I mean, I get people ringing me up all the time, you know, we've spoken about this before, and I'm I'm like, well, why are you talking to me? Well, they're talking to me because I can add value back to them, and it's when you understand that and you realise that what they're asking is you know might be very mundane and obvious to you, but to them it's not. So you giving them some education, you giving them some help, definitely goes a long way. Definitely, and I'm one of them.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

So uh I know that for a fact, um, and I agree, I am exactly the same. I want to help, I want to give, I want people around me to grow. But because there are people that aren't like that as well, I do always think sometimes, okay, have I given too much? Have I made myself vulnerable because I'm not getting that in return sometimes? Do you see what I'm saying? I think it's something that uh again I'm getting a lot better at maybe regulating and being more sure of myself, where I don't see it as a problem because in the past, where maybe it would be more on impulse, so probably more would come out, more information would come out than I thought necessary, so then it would make me feel really vulnerable afterwards, but it wouldn't at the time because I'd be happy because I was helping. I'd feel like a bit of euphoria because I'd be like, Okay, yeah, no, I've helped that person. Then you come away and you feel guilty. You sort of feel like, hang on, what do I say that for? You know? So be honest then, are you are you actually happy with who you are right now? I'm I'm I'm happy with where I'm going. I wasn't. I was very lost, very confused. I'm still at the I'm still at the uh at the bottom of the climb. Still got a long way to go on the journey, but it's a journey, isn't it? Like we've discussed. I always saw there to be like a definitive ending point where it would then get comfortable, but it doesn't. No. It doesn't, it goes up and down, up and down, up and down. And I'm now happy that I feel like I'm on the right path. I don't feel particularly happy because it's bloody hard work. So uh I don't feel particularly satisfied, and I often sit and think, why am I doing this? Because at the minute there isn't enough return to make it justifiable. However, having said that, I do feel a lot lighter and a lot less wound up inside now. That I think I finally got to a point where I'm like, no, this is me, this is what I do, this is what I want to do, and I I say that in regards to the music and the property. I feel like I've got a direction.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

So if you yeah, that's that's good. Because then, like for you that's what where you want to where you're sort of like striving to to be.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

And and also with um praying, for example, that has really helped me as well because it gives me more of a direction and understanding too.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

So I was gonna ask you, what's something that you believe that most people maybe disagree with?

SPEAKER_01 32:01

And that is now God.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Yeah. And and and uh as I've said in previous podcasts, it's a it's a newly discovered belief, and I I I I know that a lot of people will be like, oh well, you've just been cultified, you've just been influenced in the system, but it's not, it's something that's always been there because I've always thought, I always used to think, even when I was an apprentice when I was 18, I'm 34 this year. You're old. I get in there. We got a long way to go, mate. We're just getting started, aren't we? I'm older than you, so uh I would drive through traffic lights, and if they were green, you'd be like, oh, thanks. And it would be to something, didn't know what it was. I just but in reality it was probably God that I was thinking of, but I wouldn't accept it.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

So this is a very controversial subject.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

It is a controversial subject, and it and saying it in front of camera for me, who used to be so anti-religion and atheist as well throughout my teenage years, it's a big deal. And that's that's why I say sometimes I think I sit here and I think, uh, is this a bit detrimental to what I'm trying to do? But I don't think it is now, because this is me.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Okay, so yeah, so as we know, this is like fairly controversial. But what was the I suppose what was the turning point for you that made you go from thinking, oh, you know, that's a green light, you know, that's that's handy, that's convenient, to there's there's definitely something else here at play. Obviously, the green light is just a euthanism there. I'm not saying yeah, you know that. But yeah, where is was there a defining moment for you where you went, do you know what? This is something I'm gonna lean into now.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

When I understood that there was a lack of direction and I needed direction, but I'd always been seeing a direction and a belief. I wasn't able to accept it though. I'm trying to think of a specific moment when that happened. I mean the first time I prayed I had a massive overwhelming feeling, a massive overwhelming feeling, and I actually cried in my driveway after I prayed, which was crazy, crazy feeling. And I've had it before when like a long time ago as well, where certain things have happened, like I've spoken to certain people that have resonated to me. When I was 18 as well, there was a there was a guy I used to work with, he was um he was coming up to retirement, and he talked to me about um wider mind concept, I suppose. I won't go into detail now, but we'll give us something. So he talked about energies and how the world works on frequency, um, and I got such an overwhelming feeling of essentially being coming a away from my body, I suppose, in in in essence, where you just suddenly you don't you're not aware of what's going on around with you. Uh but I was 18 at the time, I was angry, I was black and white, I was like, but that was when the process started, and that was a lot that was 15, 16 years ago, 17 years ago. And from there on, when I saw little things like the green lights uh situation, or something would go well, like you you even just stupid things like you go to pull out your driveway and there's no traffic because I live on main roads, I'd be like, thanks to something. Then I started calling it karma. Because I still didn't want to accept that it was probably actually God. And then it was only what was it two, two or three months ago when I when I phoned you up and then had them had the had the energy uh release in my driveway after I pay for the pro for the first time that I was suddenly like, okay, no, right, this is me. And it it feels so crazy to uh sort of say this on camera now as well and admit this, but it is who I am. What I do with this now going forward, I've got no idea I'm at the start of my journey. So uh, but there was little things that happened, like that example when I was 18, for example. Um he introduced that concept to me, and he actually at work, going back to people not being genuine, he was a very angry person as well. He he used to describe himself as a resentful human being, and I think he was so beaten up with yeah, life society judgment because he wanted to help people, and he obviously saw something in me where he was like, Okay, you're you're accepting to this, I'm gonna tell you this. And uh, I didn't agree with everything he said because he would get angry and he would snap, and then that's when, like like you said before, that that's when you turn into a twat because you lose control. But fundamentally, he resonated with me, and that energy I've always felt since. So, for me going forward, this is why I say it's so important for me to be able to connect with the people that I work with, and now with my music business as well, I want to resonate with people and portray that energy through my music. So I play very rhythmic, very high-energy sets that basically are like my rhythm, the inside rhythm that I feel. So I when I play, I vibe out because that's where I need to be, and that's where I want people to feel it. And I think that goes into any business as well. So any collaboration, any partnership that you you're doing with someone, you've got to feel it.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

It's interesting because when you when you started to talk about what you first started to talk about, I could see an overwhelming sense of reservation inside you to actually say what you wanted to say. And you were worried, it seems, that how you were gonna be, you were thinking forwards and ahead of like how you were gonna be perceived and portrayed if you said what you were gonna say on camera. Yeah, um, but that therein lies exactly the fundamental of what we're talking about right now, definitely, and it's that that fear of like saying what you believe and being ridiculed or laughed at, yeah and being judged, and the fear of that, you know, of people looking at you in a different way. And I'll tell you, I mean, I've I've been I've been guilty of it in myself in the past, and I would be lying to you if I said that I don't still do it. You know, I try to be as genuine as I possibly can, but there are times when my brain will just overtake and it won't let me do it. You know, I might be in a in a setting, a social setting where I I'll give you a it's not an example that I'm using as what's happened, but if you're in a a social setting where you're around few new people, yeah, and there's three or four people that are talking about something that they all clearly share um alignment in and passion or whatever they're talking about, but you disagree with it. I've been guilty in the past of sort of buying into what they're saying, uh just to be part of the conversation, and maybe saying not what I truly believe, but just what they wanted to hear. Why why do you think you do that? I guess it's for acceptance. It's for acceptance, you know, where you don't, you know, if you if you're in that particular scenario, these people you don't really know, it's a new social setting for you, and that build and rapport in the early stages is what sort of makes or breaks whether someone continues uh uh you know to progress a friendship or relationship with you, so you'll you'll sort of you know lie a little bit or whatever, just to sort of align with what they're saying, so you've got common ground, and that and I think that happens a lot in relationships as well. When people meet each other, I always say that when you meet someone, you know, like a girl, whatever, um, when you're younger, you would you would show them like the highlight reel, you would show them all the best parts about you, and it's not until you know you get into a relationship with someone and you've been with them for a few years that you start to really sort of come out of your shell and show who you properly are, and so like relationships for the most case, not everyone does this, but for the most part, so relationships they're in the beginning, they're founded on things that aren't necessarily true or the over-exaggerated truths, and that applies pretty much throughout, like in in in everything that we're talking about. So, yeah, going back to it, it this very much sort of ties into everything we're talking about and being fearful of saying what you believe.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

I've got a contrary point to what you're saying about trying to fit in. Now I don't necessarily worry about fitting in, which is ironic because I've always been worried about what other people think, but I haven't got a necessary fit in. I've just I don't know, that's it's a hard one to explain. But when I'm in a situation like you described where people are talking about something you don't necessarily agree in, I want the best for people, even if they're what I would deem a bad person, I still want people to grow and be the best they can be around me, and I tend to now see perspectives, okay, okay, yeah, fair, yeah, fair enough. And what ends up happening is because I sort of want them to thrive, I then create this energy, like, oh yeah, yeah, and you sort of get excited, don't you? So then you end up agreeing with them. And it's not come from a place where I want to fit in necessarily, it's come from a place where I'm like, no, I want you to thrive, I want to feel that energy. Maybe it's a selfish thing, maybe I want to feel the energy. And in order to do that, I need that connection from someone to then just go along with what they're saying to get that dopamine hit. Maybe actually that that's the reality of it. But for me, I like to see people doing their best and doing as well as possible they possibly can, whoever it is.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

Yeah, so I think you don't need perfect structure, you don't need perfect dancers, you you just need sort of real moments and to and to feel comfortable, really. Yeah, that's what it comes down to. And as always, um, link to our last videos over here and uh link to subscribe to the channel is uh over here if you haven't already. I and Matt have started up a support page uh which is sort of like buy me a coffee. Now it's absolutely no obligation whatsoever to anyone. You guys just watching this is is enough for us. Um, but it will help us you know continue making these uh these episodes and these podcasts. So uh if you do have um the ability to um to donate anything towards us and support the podcast, then um the link will be down in the description. If not and you're still in just enjoying this content, then that's good for us as well.