Episode 6: New Girl Era

Did you get a new job and become the hot new girl at work? Are you hot new mom figuring things out in your diapers and witch hazel pads? If so, this episode is for you! 

We lowkey did our big one on the work advice segment; possibly our best work yet. Mal actually prepared for this episode for the first time ever... if this was a paid gig she would be getting a raise. 

In this episode, we share tips that made us successful in our new jobs that both of us started relatively recently (and fun fact, Mal started her job when she was 5 months pregnant). Then we talk about our experiences as new moms and share our thoughts about avoiding comparison and feeding judgment, rejecting rigid birth-plan expectations, trusting your instincts and relationships with your partners. 

We close with Chronically Offline where we talk about Alex Cooper vs. Alix Earle, Masters Tournament drama, and Justin Bieber’s Coachella set. Thanks for tuning in! Leave us a review! We love you!

00:00 Episode Intro and Theme

01:51 Hot New Girl at Work Era

16:36 Should You Tell Your New Job You're Pregnant?

23:49 Hot New Mom Era

39:50 Partners And 50 50 Help

55:25 Chronically Offline: Cooper vs Earle

01:09:12 Masters Drama

01:18:42 Bieber Coachella Laptop Set

01:27:31 Wrap Up and Next Episode

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hey girl. Hey. Welcome to episode six of Working Girls. I'm your host, Lacey. I'm Mallory. And today we're talking about two kinds of being new: being new at work, being the hot new girl in the hallways, and being new at motherhood, being the less hot girl in the hallway. Oh, I didn't realize it was both. Yeah, it's a combo episode. Wow. As I was planning my notes today, and I I'm actually really excited for this episode because Mallory has prepped show notes, and you've never done that before. Right? Yeah. I just I thought of them on the way here. Okay, we love it. We love the preparation. So with my notes that I prepped for our discussion today about being a new girl at work and a new mom, the through line that I came up with is really the women who figure it out fastest and have the best time drop the ego and ask people for help. Like that, when I was like trying to summarize my tips for both segments, I was like, really, I'm just dependent on other people. And maybe that's a great thing, you know? Those are two of my talking points. Okay. Perfect. Mallory is actually a perfect person for like really, this should be your episode. I should have made you plan the whole thing. But I recently started a new job. And of course, you guys know that we don't give specifics about our jobs on this podcast. We're not sharing specific stories about our jobs, but we will share the things today that helped make us successful because both of us have started new jobs within the past year, I would say. I think I'm like three years into my job. Oh yeah, because Vivi's two. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Two years for you, one year for me. Yeah. And Mallory started a new job two years ago when she was pregnant. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so why don't we start with you today? That's scary. I'll just go through my three points. Also, we're sipping on margaritas right now. So by the end of this episode, you never know what's gonna happen. Right. Buckle up. Okay, let me pull up my notes. The main thing I I I was thinking back, because I was in my first job for six years, so like a long time. And it was my first job out of school, so like everything was new to me. And I don't know, I guess it was new, so I never really like had the like having to meet new people and oh, so this was like your first experience being the new girl really since like six years before. Like the job I started at Big Four, I think I've said it's like there's a ton of new people, and it was a ton of people from my college transitioned to the big four we worked at. So it was just I didn't really have to work at making friends, like they were just kind of built in. Right. So because of that, I guess when I switched jobs, I wasn't even thinking about it. I remember I think it was my first week. Maybe it was like my second or third actual day. And I just felt like the new girl so weird and like a freak. Yes, everyone was like laughing together, and I just was this weird new girl, and I cried on, I don't think it was the first day home from work, but like the second or third, and I was like, What have I done? basically. And I had it easier too because I came over with my same boss. Um, why did you cry on the way home? Because I was just like, What have I done? Like, I had such a good thing going in my old company, and I'm the weird girl. You were like the princess of the old company. I was just like, no one's gonna, I'm not gonna make these connections. They've already established connections. That stinks that I'm just this weird freak coming in. But, anyways, it helped. I knew my boss and my boss's boss, so I think that kind of helped soften it. And then I like to make friends, and that's how I think that helps. Anyways, right, going back to my three points. So I love my job now, I love everyone who I work with, and I was like, what like made that happen? Like, how did I transition from crying on the first day to just loving where I'm at now? And I think it was three things so and kind of two of what you touched on. The first being you have to go in being a sponge, yeah, and with no ego, to your point. Like, I I think in your first six months of a job is when you sink or swim. Like it's the most crucial time because it's the time where like you are able to ask any question without it being like, and granted, I still ask dumb questions like every day, but like that's your time. It's like you're new here. You oh, you don't know. Like, yes, let me explain it to you. And where I've seen people fail is that they come in, pretend to know it all, or they're just their egos will get in the way of them asking questions. So then they never know. And then they're a year over six months into the job. And at that point, you can't really ask, hey, what do we invest in? Right. A hundred percent. How are you here? You're supposed to know that. Yes. That's actually one of my I have five points, and that's my third one. I said, I said, ask dumb questions on purpose. Pull up a chair, be openly curious, don't protect your ego. Learning fast matters more than looking polished. And I think people respect, people respect that. Even if you ask really stupid questions, and I have no problem being like, oh, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm gonna ask you a really crazy question. 100%. And people are always like, like, I think they're so dumb. And then I get feedback from people and they're like, these are great questions. And I'm like, oh, really? Like, am I actually kind of smart? Yeah. And it's been so helpful. That actually connects my second point too. It's making connections. I mean, as everyone knows at their job, like the people make or break your experience. Um so going in and being open to making friends and stuff, and just like genuinely caring about people and wanting to get to know is good because on a personal level, yeah, that's gonna make your work experience better. But then it gives you like resources to go to when you need help. Yeah. And I think like there were two people I remember, and obviously my boss was there, but he was he came like a month before me. So he was still learning too. Right. So I couldn't really go to him for stuff because he would be like, I don't know, you know, we're both figuring it out. So I remember this one guy and like on the accounting team, just from the get-go, we just like kind of vibed and he I quickly gravitated towards him too, because I mean, one, his personality, but two, he had the most knowledge of everyone still. And yeah, I just felt comfortable asking him any question. I would every single day would be the dumbest questions ever. And even if he didn't know, then we would figure it out together. And to your point, he would appreciate the questions because it would make him have to take a step back and think about it. What I just wrote down is have a buddy. I think, and I that actually was not part of my tips, but having a buddy, like finding somebody who will not judge you for going to them and being like, What is this? Explain this to me. And also going to them and being like, What is this person's deal? Tell me the T. Do they hate me or is that just who they are? Finding that person is essential, I think. And it takes a little bit. Yeah. You never want to have that person be above you, I think, because then they might generate an opinion about you that's not great. But if you can find that person either at your level or below, that person is gold. Yeah. And what I, my second tip was, and it goes along with what you're saying, introduce yourself constantly. So this is very out of character for me because I feel like I'm more, I'm kind of like dad, where I'm more introverted. That's how I recharge. I know you're frowning at me, but like I know how to be an extrovert. I can be extroverted, but it's it doesn't feel natural to me to go up to people and make friends or whatever. Whenever I've started a new job, which is a lot, I've always kind of been the quiet girl who just observes people. I don't really go out of my way to meet as many people as possible. Like I kind of just say to myself, do my work, keep my head down. I'm friends with my team and close with them, but that's kind of it. At this new job that I started, I don't know what the difference is. Maybe I was excited to be back in an office after working remote for three years or whatever or longer. I introduce myself every time I see somebody new. Like if I get in an elevator with somebody, I'm like, hey, how are you? I'm Lacey, I'm new. I've literally been at the company for a year. Last week I told somebody I was new. And they were like, Oh my gosh, how long have you been here? I was like, Well, I've been here for a year, but I'm just gonna keep telling people I'm new until somebody tells me I can't say that anymore. You know, like I made a joke of it. Conversation starter. It is. And and actually doing that has opened doors for me. Like people will get into a conversation and I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm actually working on something that I don't understand that involves your department. Can I come talk to you? Yeah. And they're like, Yeah, for sure. Because I think people yearn for connection. Yeah. So if you can just put yourself out there and be weird for a sec, or who cares if they think you're weird? What's the worst that could happen? Yeah, like I'm cute. Okay. So you can think I'm weird, but like also you'll think I'm cute. You know, there's that cute weird girl. Who cares? I feel like I had two people at the beginning and and they were in different departments. Like one was in mine, he kind of gave me like a structural understanding of what was happening. And then another friend, I like started on a weird, they put me because they knew I was pregnant on like something that I could wrap up in four months out short-term assignment. And so the guy who was overseeing that, he is really good. And I think the smartest people are able to do this to like explain things in such basic terms. And he did that with me for this project that I was on. He was so patient, explained it in the dumbest level, elementary level terms. And I think that basic understanding is what got me to the point today because it was just like the basic building blocks, it made me comfortable talking about it more and knowing what questions to then ask. Right. So those two people for me were instrumental and then helped open the doors to other relationships. But like I still, I guess the first one left. But the second one is my ride or die now. Like I'm just have so much respect for him because like he took the time and I'll forever be grateful to him, indebted to him. Um, and I really do think that that's what helped me build on from that. And another person started at a similar level to me, and they never like made those connections totally dug in, and that's the difference made. It was the difference. And now you've gotten a promotion, what, two years into your job? Yeah, like everyone gets promoted at. Well, I don't care. I'm just I'm like gonna be mom for a second. But yeah, I mean, making connections has made all the difference for me and in different departments because that helps me be good at my job. Because when I need something, I can go to them and they can also come to me. So it's like a mutually beneficial relationship. I think that's a key. And so I'm involved in our like women's network or whatever at work, and it's all about how to like support women in the workplace. And that's a key thing that I want to say here is that if you're a woman in the workplace, you should be building relationships with other people. Both of our buddies that we've been talking about are men. So shout out to them. But also, as women, it's imperative for us, if there's a new girl at work, you know, yeah, to reach out and be like, hey, if you ever want to sit and chat, you know, open the door to that and be be open to that. Cause I think we should pay that forward to each other. I remember thinking when I was going through it, like those first couple sad weeks for me, that I was like, I need to go out of my way to be this for other people. You don't think it makes a difference? Right. It's like, oh, it's just another person coming in, but it it makes all the difference in the world. 100%. Yeah. Um, another, oh, you have one more. I have one more. Okay. Sorry, I feel like I've been talking this whole time. No, this is perfect. You're gonna leave the next episode. No, thank you. My last point, and this is what my boss has drilled into me, like he practices what he has preached since the day, my day one of starting in the workforce is being willing to do any job. Yeah. You are not above any job. Right. He has rolled his sleeves up and done any work that he can. And because of that, he's taught me to do that. And I think that that has made the biggest difference because it's like you're willing to do whatever. It makes you really well-rounded because you know the full process because you're in the nitty-gritty. And it makes other people respect you. Cause it's like, I'm not gonna push that off on somebody else. I'll just do it and get it done. And that's good for you in your career because if people see you as somebody who's who doesn't have an ego and is willing to do anything at any level with no worry about it, that's great leadership, you know? Yeah. And yeah, and it it shows your true character, I think. And I I guess I'll connect that to my first point, which is say yes to everything for the first six months at least. So when I came in, I was handed projects that scrape the bottom of the barrel. And I'm like, yeah, I'll do that. And every single thing I did taught me something new about the company. But it is critical if you're starting in a new company and in a new industry to learn. You like you said at the beginning, learn as much as you can, become a sponge. That is exactly how you're gonna be successful in your job. The quicker you can upskill yourself on what the company does and how they do it, the quicker that you'll rise through the ranks or just be successful in your job. But I have say yes to everything for the first six months, including not only just tasks, but events, random invites. Like you're still kind of building your reputation. I've said yes to everything. That's how I ended up being a chair for our women's network. I've ended up on the diversity and inclusion committee. And I love the connections that I've made because it's people, it's people in finance and accounting that I would literally never talk to. And I went to a mentoring event, like my second day at work. And it was so scary, but I got face-to-face time with the upper levels of leadership. And I was able to say, Hey, I'm a new employee here. This is day two for me. It just gives you an opportunity to like dive in. Well, to make the connections that we're talking about that you need. Right. That's the best time to do it. Right. It was hard for me because I was pregnant. I was like, I can't like drink anything. I do think that even if you go to one and you don't talk to anybody, like you only talk to your two friends, don't take that as that's going to be every single one. It just takes one event, you're talking to one new person, 100%, create a relationship and develop from there. So keep trying. Yeah. And actually, um, I we're like vibing so hard right now. Like we're just like going back and forth. So my next tip is when you connect with somebody, do an informational interview. Say to them, Do you mind if I come meet with you for like 30 minutes and just I just want to know about your job? Even if a lot of times when I make connections, I'm like, oh, I have a question for you that you could help me with. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm like, I've never heard of that job. Can I just come talk to you about it? And people love that. So I'll literally go to their to their desk. You don't have to prep anything. That person is just telling you what they do. Yeah. You can ask questions as they come up and you just get smarter so much faster. And I don't know, it's so beneficial. Literally so true. I was just thinking about that. One of my other friends, he leads a part of the business. And I started to become closer with him. So one day I was like, can you just explain this to me? Like an L and it was a it's a big thing that we do, which again, I'm two years into the job, like, should probably right. I shouldn't have no, but there's always stuff that you can learn, even like if you know pieces and of it. And he's like the guy for it. And he just like walked through exactly what it is. And then because of that, again, it just helps you get better in other situations. One, I can go to him now and ask him more complicated questions to just continue to get better. And it's all because we had a personal connection that I felt comfortable doing that. And now other people probably look to you and they're like, she knows her stuff, you know, like she knows her stuff. But well, but when you learn something new about the business, you can start to see how it like traces or carries over to your part or other parts that you understand, you know? Yeah. And like the bigger picture starts to make more sense. Yeah. And so that's been helpful for me on my team. Yeah. I mean, not to always bring it back to AI, but it is so helpful to be well-rounded. 100%. Yeah. I think basically what you're saying is like that soft skill side of the thing of things, like connecting with people is it is even more important.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

It's like a competitive advantage almost. And back to my women's uh network, we're about to launch a cohort and we're doing all sessions on communication skills, like presentations, difficult conversations, building your personal brand, networking. Like all of our sessions are around that. We're gonna kick off in a couple of weeks. And my preamble is like in the age of AI, we have to get good at using AI. We have to leverage it for our job. And one day AI could technically replace a lot of the things that we do. But to maintain a competitive advantage against AI and against other employees, you have to be good at the soft skills. Like I'm also not super comfortable being in an elevator, introducing myself to somebody cold. Like that's that's weird. You know, it feels it doesn't feel normal to me, but I know that being personable and making connections with people is gonna be what gets me ahead of AI. So go, yeah, go us. So I have a story example for this. You've given a lot of great story examples. So shout out to you. Kudah. I've been getting my words twisted. I should have prepared more. No, you're doing great. And I can edit anything. Okay, if you don't want. Um, but in my new role, I had a really hard project land on my desk that isn't anything I've ever done before. But because of all of this yapping I've done and talking and making friends and hanging out with people and going to lunch and going to events and whatever, the second it landed on my desk, I was like, oh, I know who I need to go talk to. And I went and talked to my little like squad, you know, and they've made me successful in my project. So you never know when those connections, I mean, you've you've given like 10 examples of this, are gonna come back and be beneficial for you, not just to learn the business, but also to do your job. Right. And that also goes to the be willing to do anything. Cause when they come to you for something, make yourself a resource for them so that when you need something from them, they're more willing to do it. Right. Reciprocal. Yeah. Okay, well, that's all I have for my tips. Anything else from you before we move to new mom? No. Okay, so before we move to new mom, here's a link between these two topics. If you're pregnant and you're interviewing for a job, do you tell them that you're pregnant or no? I think yes. Hey girlies, this is Lacey. I'm coming to you live from post-production. And I just wanted to drop an editor's note here before I let Mallory finish her thought. You're gonna hear us talk about whether or not you should tell a potential employer that you're pregnant during the interview stage. You are not legally required to disclose a pregnancy during a job interview, and employers cannot legally discriminate against you based on your pregnancy status. So I want to make sure that that is abundantly clear. Although you have no legal obligation, you may choose to disclose your pregnancy to your potential employer, just like Mallory shared that she did. The best time to do this, if you do decide to do this, is after you get a job offer. So you go through the whole interview process, they offer you the job before you sign the offer, tell them that you're pregnant so you can just start having that conversation, but that it doesn't open the door for them to discriminate against you based on pregnancy. Okay, back to Mal. I was in a a unique situation because I knew who I was interviewing with. So it's like I'm not gonna surprise her. I don't know. It just I guess I don't have a good reason one way or the other. Wait, how far along were you when you interviewed? When I interviewed, I think I was like eight weeks. Like it was very early. Okay. And then when I started, I think I started I had to stay for like two months or something. So I think I started two months after that. So what was that? Did they give you full maternity leave? They did. Oh, period. I know. Um love a progressive company. I know. So I told like literally the first five minutes into my interview with the CFO, I was like, and I'm pregnant due in December. And she was like, Oh, okay. But I did it that way because I it was very early in the process. So, like, I mean, obviously they're not gonna be like, We're not hiring you because you're pregnant, but I wanted to give them an out. If they needed one, they'd be like, You're not the best candidate for which maybe I wouldn't have been. If I didn't have the track record, I don't know that they would have hired me. Like if I was just some random girl off the street, 100%, they would have found something wrong with your resume. Correct. So maybe that's it. Like if you have a connect, if you know people, you have something because that I mean, think about if you were the boss and someone interviewed and came in. Okay, so I agree, like fundamentally, I agree with you. The right thing to do is to tell them that you're pregnant. Yeah. However, when I was pregnant with Evie, I got a new job and I was seven months pregnant. And so here's the thing. I thought that I told the recruiter that I and all of the like all of my interviews were like on the phone. Yeah. Half of me thinks I told the recruiter or the HR person, and the other half of me is like, I don't think that I did tell her. And so I had all my interviews and whatever. And then I went for my in-person interview and I wore a really flowy top, and it never came up, so I never addressed it. I figured if they had said something to me, I would have been like, oh yeah, I'm pregnant, but nobody ever said anything to me. And they offered me the job and I took it, and I was seven months pregnant. And I really don't think that companies will hire pregnant women. Like it's illegal to not hire a pregnant woman just because of her pregnancy.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

But I know, I mean, like to your point, that's a really shitty employee to hire is somebody who's right just about to go out on maternity leave. So I didn't tell, I don't think I told them. And then I started and I wore kind of like a like a warm-fitting top on my first day. And they were like, What? You're like, You couldn't have worn that to the interview. Yeah. They were like looking at me with like their mouths hanging open, and I was like, Oh yeah, I told the recruiter. And I remember because at the time I was like, I think I told her. And then, you know, I don't think I did. See, like that feeling alone is why I would have to their reactions were like they were not happy. Yeah. But my boss that hired me, I think I ended up being like her favorite employee, you know. I mean, I busted my ass. Also, this was during COVID. Like I got hired, I started as a company. Two weeks later, COVID happened, lockdown happened. So I ended up getting to work remote from home, nine months pregnant, which was amazing. I worked until the day I delivered this child, you know, the day I was induced. And then I didn't have that. I mean, they gave me like a full maternity leave, but I think it was like seven weeks or whatever. But I was still at home and I was just, I would kill it for her. And she loved me. She, I think she told me at one point, like, you're the best hire I've ever made. And I don't know if that's still truth to this day, but at that point it was true. And they would not have hired me if I had told them I was pregnant. So I tell myself that like, you, if you are pregnant, you're interviewing for a job, you could be the best hire this person has ever made. But if you blow your chances because you open your big mouth and tell them that you're pregnant, I feel like there's like a line, and like seven months is probably very far over that line. Very far over the line. But if you're like in your first trimester, like, okay, fine, sure. But I just, I mean, if you show up to the interview with a pregnant belly and nobody says anything to you, Loki, that's their fault. But you got a flowy shirt on. Like, you just have a big tummy. I'm just saying, like, often I think people to be like, oh, are you expecting? Like, that's a big no no today. Yeah, but like you should, I don't know, that's on you. If you don't notice that I'm like I'm like five two, I can't hide a belly that easily, you know. I wanted to walk around, even like being as transparent as I was, or that I felt I was, I I still feel like I'm not sure. Uncomfortable like that pregnancy for me, I think we've talked about was already well, and when you're pregnant, like don't you feel just like a like a child bride or whatever? You're just like, oh my god, everybody knows I had sex. Well, yeah. And I just at that time I still I didn't feel like old enough to be a mom, period. Yeah. But I remember wishing that I could walk around and be like, I told them, I told them. Like, cause I just felt on edge all the time that like I was you never want to like give people a reason to talk about you. Oh, that's why you cried on the way home because you're the pregnant Nymph girl. I was only like I was like four months at that point. I wasn't really showing. Okay. I could have just had a big breakfast. Like it could look like that. But I felt like I had to work a lot harder those first five months or six months or whatever to prove myself because of it. And even when I got back, like I took a the maternity leave and got back. And probably six months after I was like, okay, I can breathe. I feel like I proved proved my worth. Like, please like if you're a mom, a working mom in the workplace, like some of these other peeps can't even they can't even live up to you. You know what I mean? Like, you guys just wait until I push this baby out and then I'm gonna come back and run circles around you. Do you know what I mean? Working moms are so efficient in the workplace. We don't, I don't, I'm not involved in any drama. Like I'm so unproblematic when I go to work because I don't, I'm so tired. Like I'm just trying to do what I need to do and get out. But if you want to come tell me your problems, I will listen. Like, I feel like I'm the best employee, you know? Yeah. I mean, in my in my real life, I'm very dramatic and a very minor thing I'm freaking out about. But at work, I'm like, oh, who cares? We're here to get paid. Like, this is great. Yeah. I get I get frustrated with people not carrying their weight. Some I feel like that's like you just document it. That's what you do there. I'm too tired for all that, but like I'll complain to my friends. No, I get paid to document. Okay. So, did you come up with tips about being a new mom? No. Oh, okay. Honestly, they're kind of the same. Well, the first one is just okay. Let's start with ask your sister every question, don't you? Well, yeah. If you don't have an older sister though, like me, I just had to figure it out. So, first of all, the th one of the things that's made me like made my new mom experience really, really great is finding a group of women who are also going through the exact same thing as you are. There was like a there was a podcast, I'm not gonna name it, that had a lot of Facebook groups spin-off from the podcast. Okay, like fan groups or whatever. I hate that podcast. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. Okay. You do. You stopped listening. I stopped listening because I wasn't um commuting to work anymore. I used to listen to it every commute. And then also, like, there was just some things that I disagreed with. I don't know. Oh, really? For various reasons. Yeah, but I just stopped listening to this podcast because I was like, I don't know if I agree with this. But, anyways, so I was in like a expecting mother's spin-off Facebook page. And then people would post threads and be like, hey, anybody do spring 2020? Let's start like text group. And so I think there's like 20 of us, and we started a text group probably like March 2020. And I've I'm still on a text group with them. I still text these girls weekly. We talk about stuff. There's been some drama in the group. I was about to say, isn't this the toxic group? No, it's not. I mean, there's been like a couple like toxic moments. Okay, but this is not a toxic group at all. It's like very supportive. But yeah, there was actually a fight at one point because some girl who she was a mess. Um, she left the group eventually. That's a whole nother story. But she was co-sleeping with her child and then was like, which I don't agree with co-sleeping, but I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Like, I think it's dangerous. Okay. And you should read up on the the dangers of it, the risks. But like ultimately, you're a mother, so figure it out. And I don't care. Um, but she was judging all of us who sleep train, and she was just being so mean about sleep training. And by the way, sleep training, if you don't have kids, is like letting your kids, you know, when they cry when you put them in bed at night, letting them cry for like two minutes and then going in there and soothing them, and then letting them cry for five minutes and then going in and soothing them. So it's teaching them to self-soothe. I don't even think sleep training, like it gets a bad rep. And maybe I just had a great experience. But to me, it was just following the same times to put my kids down every single day. It's setting a schedule. I mean, they definitely cried some, but I never had to do cry it out because I just followed that mom's uncall schedule. Yeah, like the developmentally appropriate day one, not really, but like two years in, yeah, as soon as I could. And then they just, I mean, I I have to wake Vivi up every morning. And I literally think it's all because of mom's uncall. Well, you know me. So she was in the group and you know, somebody mentioned sleep training, and this girl just said some crazy stuff. And it was so rude for no reason. And I was telling mom this actually, I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and I was like, I never have a problem with anybody, you know? I feel like you have a problem every single day. I only have a problem if you do bad behavior first. And then I have a huge problem with you. But if you're just a normal person existing, I have no problem with you. I don't care what you do. Don't talk to me, I won't talk to you. It doesn't affect me. Anything that you do, as long as you're not like hurting anybody, I have I have no beef with you. But if you do something problematic, I will match your energy and escalate things 10 out of 10 times, 100%. And so if I have beef with you, like what's wrong with you, Loki? You know that's on you. That's on you. That's not on me that you're a jerk. So she jumps in, she's saying some, she's replying to another mom who's talking about sleep training, and she just says some crazy off-the-wall thing. And I jumped in and I was like, who the are you talking to? And like let her have it. I was like, no baby has ever died from sleep training, but babies have died from co-sleeping and no one is judging you. So why are you in here? Literally, it still keats me up to this day. But, anyways, that was a big digression that group has saved me because we were all going through the same difficulties at the same time. Yeah. And it was just so positive to have people who can affirm that the things that you're going through are normal or that you maybe they're not normal, but here are people who will support you while you figure out what's going on with your kid or with yourself or whatever. Yeah. So definitely find community. I think that's my number one. Or if you have an older sister, just ask her everything. Yeah. I mean, it's such an isolating experience, otherwise, and with a community, even. Yeah. But I had you and my next door neighbor gave birth like five weeks, maybe not even, maybe like three weeks after me to a baby girl. So I had maternity leave with her. Every day we would do the same schedule, have our walks. Amazing. Um, I'm not a big texter, as you know. So I can't get on Facebook and keep track of groups. So I couldn't do it that way. But I think I had a built-in one with her who already had an You're like a regular person who lives their life off of line. I'm still like on my phone. I don't mean to make it sound like that. I just think responding and having to be overwhelming. It's overwhelming to me. And so I like to be in person. I don't mean it like that, but I just I get really overwhelmed by someone waiting on a response from me or message. Oh my gosh, it stresses me out. Even to this day, as you know, like I just shut down. Yeah. So I think having that, like having you that I knew that I could call at any hour of the day. I remember calling you when I finally decided to pump. They were like, wait, three weeks. Oh my god, whatever. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it's pretty basic, which like all things in life. But I had to call Lisa and I was sobbing on the phone, making her walk me through it. Okay, we're we're gonna have to we have to talk about this because it's one of my things. And then we'll jump back to like the birth plan and things like that. So Mallory and I were we're formula-fed babies. And my mom was like, I didn't even consider breastfeeding you guys. Formula was pushed on us at the time as this is the best possible choice that you can make for your baby. And then now I feel like we've swung to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, where everyone is like, if you don't breastfeed your baby from the boob, your baby is not gonna thrive. And when Evie was born, in my head, I'm like, I'm gonna breastfeed, I'm gonna breastfeed, definitely gonna do it. I care about my baby, so I'm gonna breastfeed my baby. And then my milk didn't come in for like four days. And she was starving and she was screaming all the time. And I was crying, she was crying. John was like, What I he didn't know what to do, you know, he's a new dad. And finally, I was sitting there sobbing and I was thinking to myself, what why can't I just feed her formula? Like, what am I crying? What if I just stuck a nipple in her mouth? You know, like a bottle nipple. Yeah. And I did that. They send you home with those samples from the hospital, and she slept for like eight hours after that. Yeah. She had like two ounces left for eight hours. And I was like, oh. I was just telling someone this the other day. They shamed me. I remember my milk wasn't coming in for Vivi, second baby. And they were asking me if I wanted to get a pump or something to try to stimulate it more. And I was like, no, it's okay. Like, I'm good to just give her the formula. Like they she was in the nursery at the time. Yeah. And they the nurse was judging me. I was like, she's gonna be okay. She's fine. It was crazy though. I mean, God love a lactation consultant. It can't be an easy job, but the pressure that they put on new moms in really vulnerable positions is insane. And for what? Yeah. Like, I don't understand. A fed baby is best or whatever they say. Fed is best. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Also, I was always fearful that if I didn't breastfeed them right away, they're like, your milk will never come in. And your child will never breastfeed if you don't breastfeed them from the beginning. And if you put a bottle in their mouth, that is literally not true. That is not true. Evie started on bottles, and then my milk finally came in, and then I nursed her and she did great. It just hurt and I didn't produce enough. So I had to supplement anyways. And then I was like, why am I killing myself to breastfeed her? I'm just gonna pump. Yeah, it's so much easier. Yeah. And then John can feed her too. Yeah. That was the biggest thing because then being able to feed, but I don't, I mean, I guess they say your baby tells your body, which is maybe true. Like when they're when you nurse or whatever. But my boobs, can I say that?

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yeah. I've said it like four times.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I can't remember. We're like about to explode. Explode. It was, I think it was like day three. The lactation consultant had told me, do not pump it. It was either for two or three weeks. Oh, yeah, they tell you not to pump. Yes. I forgot. And so I'm like literally dying. I have just such an oversupply, and they're so little, she's not drinking that. And it was like rocks. I couldn't sleep at night because it hurt so bad. And then finally I was like, I think I'm just gonna try to pump. And so that's when I called you. Motherhood is not one size fits all. Like you can't do the same thing. Just like with kids, no kid is the same. So you can't do the same thing twice. I don't know why they act like breastfeeding is one size fits all. Because it's not when I got to the hospital with Lucy, I was like, please bring me a pump. Bring me the hospital grade pump. And they said kind of the same thing. I'd forgotten about that. And I was like, I don't care what it's gonna do to my supply. It takes my supply a while to kick in, anyways. Bring me the pump, please. Well, and it's like they you don't know what you're talking about. Because I started pumping with Bridget on like day three, and I had the easiest, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Yeah, it was a great experience. It was because it regulated my supply. So I I don't see that I don't get that advice. I guess they just want you to nurse. I guess that the difference is it's both breastfeeding, but when uh the baby is on your boob, it that's nursing. Yeah, and then if pumping is whatever still breast milk. I just the the um superiority complexes. I mean, sh shout out to nursing mothers, okay. You guys, like you really are doing it all, okay? We love you. But the superiority complex that comes with nursing versus pumping versus formula feeding is insane. Like when you die, you're not gonna get extra credit for nursing. Well, and like can you show the difference between a kid who is breastfed and one who has formula? You can't tell. I mean, listen, I understand, I think what it is, and this is me trying to psychoanalyze everything, but I think what it is is when you're a new mom, you lose your identity and you're also giving so much of yourself to somebody else, and honestly to other people because it's your baby and you're sacrificing yourself for your husband to have children. And they're also like a children low-key. But you want credit for that. You want credit for the sacrifice that you're making. And I can completely understand that. But don't give yourself credit by tearing down the decisions that other women make. And I'm not even speaking for myself. If somebody says that they're a better mom than me because they nurse, I'm like, no, you're not. But for other new moms, don't compare yourself. Yeah. Don't read that stuff and think that you're doing anything wrong because you're absolutely not. You do whatever you one of my friends, what I love about her is she just decides what she wants to do. And she does, she feels no guilt about anything. She's like, Oh yeah, I don't, I don't want to breastfeed or pump. I'm just gonna formula feed my baby. You know, like I have this long story about how I went from breastfeeding to formula, whatever. And she's like, No, I knew from the beginning that I was not gonna breastfeed. And I'm I'm obsessed with that. Yeah. She didn't feel guilty about it for one second and she shouldn't. Yeah. It's her decision. Her kids are thriving and they got all the nutrients that they need, and things are great. And like, I think everybody should be like that. I know. Like, I'm so jealous of that, but everybody should be like that. You should make a decision and don't ever feel bad about don't let anybody else make you feel bad about that decision. Yeah. Okay. Agreed. So let's jump back up to the top of new motherhood. The first thing is millennials have been really, really crazy about their birth plans. I've read a lot of things about people being like, no one can speak to me or look me in the eye because I just want to be connected with my husband and my baby and all this stuff. Okay. And then they're like, I don't want any intervention. I would just want blah, blah, blah. Like your birth plan is to be alive by the time you're done having the baby and deliver a healthy baby. That's the plan. I think my number one piece of advice for moms is to throw away all expectations. And your birth plan is like from the get-go, setting expectations that are like probably not gonna happen. Right. So it's just like you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. Yeah, and disappointment. And so that's why you don't know what's gonna happen. So don't set yourself up. Yeah. When I see post of people being like, I was robbed of a great birth experience. I'm like, girl, are you alive? Is your baby doing great? Like you're good. You were not robbed of a great experience. People who have great experiences, I love that for them. If you had a horrible experience, like you did that, you made it through. Like, good for you, you're a badass. It's just how just knowing going in that you can set yourself up for stuff, but just don't expect it to go exactly how you want. And if it doesn't, that doesn't mean that it wasn't successful or that you didn't have a good birth experience. Have a plan in terms of delivery, know what you want, but don't be a weirdo. If you go to a hospital, if you're delivering in a hospital, most of our advice applies to if you're delivering in a hospital, because I don't know what it's like to not do that. But if you're going to a hospital, have an idea of what you want that experience to be and tell your nurses and tell your doctors or whatever. But just be ready for that to not happen. Don't you watch the pit. Yeah. When and you should watch the pit because when women come in there to the hospital and they have like these expectations about giving birth or whatever, the doctor is always he always says, like, why are you here if you don't want our interventions? Like, what do you want from us if you if you don't want us to do our job and like do what we know how to do, then why are you here? So trust the experts, let them work. Take advantage of modern medicine, obviously. I mean, I'm sure we're gonna get hate comments about this episode, but I just believe I believe if you're in the hospital, take advantage of what the hospital has. Yeah. Okay. The first days at home. Also, one of the things that makes me roll my eyes. When I saw my baby for the first time, I've never loved anybody like that. Like, it's okay if you don't feel that feeling the first time you see your baby. Yeah. You will love them. I mean, it's your child. You love them like no matter what, whatever. But like the way that people, some people describe it, and you know, of course, there's people who have gone through IVF or whatever to have their child, and I can totally understand just being like so elated to see that baby. Yeah. But if you don't feel like that immediately, that is so normal. And I want more people to know that. Like, you've just gone through something deeply traumatic. If you don't feel an immediate connection to your child, like you're still gonna love them. You're gonna be okay. Yeah, it doesn't mean anything about you as a mom. Yeah. Um, however, the first days at home with you and your baby might be challenging for you emotionally. Personally, I was like, why did I do this to myself? 100%. I remember being like, we're never having more kids. I get why people don't want any kids. This is miserable. This sucks. Yeah, I should have never done this. And every it gets better. Like our hormones are all over the place and you're not sleeping, and you have no idea what you're doing. And you're wearing a diaper. Yeah. And you're still in pain. You're still in pain, your boobs hurt. Mostly the the month after it's horrible. It was the darkest time of my life for with Bridget. Yeah, and I didn't even, I mean, I would say the same for myself, and I don't even think I had PBD. I was just like struggling with everything else, to be honest. And changing my pads, and I oh, I had an epistem epist episiotomy or whatever. The thing where they had to cut a tear and then they sew you back up. Doesn't everyone have a tear? No. Oh no, you can do exercises and not tear. Doesn't everyone have a tear? Well, I had like a third degree thing that they had to stitch back up, so my stitches like hurt for a while. I don't know. The first days at home are really hard when you have a new baby. Lean on your friends, let them bring you meals, talk to people. You are ready to be a new mom, though. You'll feel like, why did I do this to myself? And also, like, I don't know what I'm doing. You yes, you do. You can do it. Someone said to me once, like, meth heads have babies. And I know that sounds silly, but like it really helped. Like anytime I would like feel like I'm so I know this sounds so dumb, but I literally would think about it all the time. I'd be like, like high schoolers have babies, like meth heads have babies and they make it work. Like, you got it. You can do this. Yeah. You're a very capable person. Which that made me cry if you're like, even if you are a meth head, you can do it too. Like, even you. Yeah. And if I remember thinking, like, I have all the resources in the world, like I had, you know, what like the nanit and the what, and it was still so hard for me. So then it made me like feel sad about meth heads or whoever who like don't have like gosh, this much much be even harder for them. Yeah. Honestly, shout out to meth heads. That's crazy. Because it really got me through. It really did. That is hilarious, but whatever works. Your partner should be doing 50%. I was listening to a podcast the other day where their topic was like what to do. I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at this. This is the margarita. Next time I can't drink a margarita. But they were talking about how marriages can be hard and how to have patience with your partner or whatever, and how to go easy on them and not yell at them for everything. F that. Your partner should he should change all the diapers in the first month of that child's life. He should warm up all the bottles, change all the diapers, and wash all the bottles. Yeah. I feel like John did that. He did, and I just feel like every woman deserves that. Yeah. It's not not that Klay didn't, but like, I don't know. Like I was I would be like, come change this diaper. Like I had no patience for rest. I don't want to see a man rest. I want him to come change this diaper. Yeah. I feel like both Clay and John are very good, like 50-50 partners. So I mean I'm being facetious. I obviously had to teach John everything when we had Evie. Probably you had to do that for Clay when you had Bridget. For Mills, though, put him in coach. He's ready to go. Okay. I did not change a diaper for the first month of that child's diet. So funny. Um, and I just feel like every woman deserves that. You deserve, don't get married to some man who you don't think will let you lay on the couch and cry about the stitches on your hoo-hut and change your kids' diapers. Yeah. I will say though, like it took Clay with our first, I would say six months. Not to do anything, but to be to take initiative. And just like to be 50-50. I would say. And so I was scared and not scared. And I think it was too, I want to like do everything and prove like that, oh look, I can do it all myself. I'm such a good mom, I guess. That's what it was. So maybe it wasn't me enabling him to do it. But I remember kind of being like, dang, but then someone told me women are pregnant for 10 months or whatever it is leading up. Your whole life changes, your body changes, you're ready for this baby to come. It doesn't really impact men. They just kind of the baby shows up. So I think that was his period of not being pregnant, but it's slowly dawning on him that his life was changing. Not to give it grace, but I'm just saying, like, if your husband isn't like immediately helpful, don't think that that's the end, but like not to like be a defender of men. But I don't know. It's a shock. Don't defend men on this podcast. It's like a shock to them in the beginning. That's like to change. Then it changes. So you can't expect them overnight. It's very some are and great. Those are miracle men. But other than that, I would say it's normal to have an adjustment. Yeah. John and I, when Evie was born, like I said, it was COVID. So I didn't, I didn't trust anybody to come around my baby because we didn't know at the time if if infant if babies could die from COVID. We didn't know yet. The data was still, it was still fresh data still coming in. So I didn't let mom and dad over. I literally let mom and dad in for like 15 minutes. I had gloves on their hands, masks like double masks. And then Gaga and Popo came. I mean, for maybe two hours and then drove off all the way back to North Carolina. I was a psycho. I'm sorry. But it was like sink or swim, babe. It's you and me. So let's do this. And you're like driving the boat. Right. I'm driving the boat and you're having to do all the work. So thanks for that. But, anyways, your partner should be helping you. Don't let that man rest. Yeah. Yeah. And you, like Lacey's saying, I think you need to set the expectations. Like don't from day one. That's on you, girl. Don't be afraid to. Like, don't think that you have to do it all. Maybe it's hard in the beginning. Maybe they're gonna be resenting you and you don't care if you're not. Yeah, it it's they just have to figure it out that they're in this too. This is this is the major leagues, babe. It is time to perform. Okay. Like, and I get, I mean, you know, you gotta you have to help men, you know. Most of us have babysat before. Also, like trust your womanly instincts. Like you, you have got this and you have to teach him, but set the expectation from day one, just like being a manager of people. Like you have to come in with high expectations and high standards. And if you come in high, they will live up to them. If you come in low and then try to build up later, they will never catch up to that expectation. So I will take ownership for that as women, like the setting expectations is on us. Yeah. So set that expectation. I mean, with anything, unless you have a perfect husband, which I don't know that anyone does, you have to build Clay will do anything, but I have to tell him to do it. And sometimes a couple times. Yeah. Like I'll be like, This is the third time I've told you to do this. Yes, for sure. But then just keep friend keep nudging. And then now, you know, six months later, finally they're taking over. So 100%. John knows I'm on his ass. It is funny too. I feel like as the kids are getting older, Clay's like stepping in because he's like a little kid himself. Like he loves to play and stuff. So he's doing more. I feel like a lot of men don't love babies. Men love toddlers. Yeah. I think. Yeah. And they have all the energy for it. When I'm home, which I need to get better about, I'm doing laundry or cleaning up or doing the dishes or trying to do dinner and he's just down there playing with them. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not the fun parent. Yeah. Yeah. Come to me for advice. Although we were at some green area in our neighborhood the other week, and the girls were playing. There's a ton of kids that are playing around the corner, hide and go seek or whatever. Cute. I'm sitting there having a conversation with someone. And I guess Klay got up to see where the corner went. I don't know. I was like, they're fine. I know where that ends. They can go around the corner. Anyways, later that night, or when we got home, he was like, hey, just so you know, when I'm not around, you need to always have eyes on the girls. I was like, are you talking to me? Like, you're telling the boss this? It was crazy. But he was like, I guess because I was not worried about them being around the corner, he was worried that when he's not there, that I'm just not, which was like sweet of him. And then it was like, I it took me aback. I was like, wow. Like, you can't tell rules to be the enforcer. Right. Like, what? The boss here. I love that for him though. Yeah. And that's on gross. Okay. Another thing to talk about is everything as a phase. I remember with Evie, I would be like, when are we, when is this gonna stop? I hate this. And I don't even remember what it was at the time, but it was just like she would do some sort of new behavior that I couldn't stand. Or and maybe it was just things like she was not crawling, or she was crawling and not walking. And I was always like, When are we gonna get to the next stage? I can't wait till she walks because then we're gonna be able to do all these things. And then I can't wait till she blah, blah, blah. It's really hard with your first child to appreciate the phases. Everything ends, everything changes. And sometimes I think about there is so much change in my life all the time. Even now that Evie's in in uh kindergarten that she's six, she's still changing so much every single day. Yeah. If your child isn't sleeping or something, like it's gonna pass. Like it's going to get better. They might be 18 months before it passes, but it's going to pass. And a lot of times it's but it's not gonna be that long. Like it, but when you're in it, it feels like this is the worst possible thing ever. It is going to pass. Kind of the other side of that. It goes by quick and stuff. So just knowing that if if you're going through a hard time, like it's gonna get better. It's gonna get better. You have to tell yourself that to keep your mental health in check. But everything is a phase. If something is terrible, it is going to end. But also on the other side of that, like the cute things and the sweet things, they change too. And I look at videos and pictures of all of my kids when they were babies, or Evie when she was a toddler, and I'm like, that is a totally different person. So sad. You know, like you're gonna look back at this age with Bridget and be like, who even was that? Like, that's a different child. That's so sad. I know. And it's like everything is a phase. So appreciate it's easier to appreciate moments with the second child. I have I ever told you that before? I know I told you that like you were a disappointment to mom and dad because you were the second child and you were a girl and they wanted a boy, but I do think that it's life is sweeter with the second child because you're like you understand more about what you're about to go through. And so you're like a little bit slower and a little bit more grateful, and like you appreciate the moments more. Yeah. And so hopefully that makes you feel better. Thanks. Wow, no problem. I remember with Bridget, she would be having those like tantrums remember, which Vivi actually doesn't do, which is shocking. Bridget would like lay on the ground and scream at the top of when she was 18 months and wiggle like a worm. And I was messaging Lacey, I've failed as a parent. Like Lacey's like, it's just this age, and I was like, Evie never did this. Evie's a freak, though. She was a perfect angel, but that's who I compared my child to. I know. That's really it's really tough. Evie never did tantrums. I don't know why. Everybody, I mean, you are around the mills, like he throws a tantrum every 30 seconds. Evie was not the greatest niece to have with before you have a child because you Mallory like had this complex for a while where she thought she was a bad mom. And I was like, no, I don't think you understand. You're a way better mom than I am. Evie's just like perfect. Yeah. Like it doesn't make any sense. But yeah, it passed. And I thought that that meant that she was just gonna be this horrible child and like never listen and stuff like that. So a good example of things passing. Bridget is iconic. I love her so much. Like everything that she does, I'm like, that is so valid. Like when she gets mad about something, I'm like, I agree. I I woke her up this morning and she literally I stepped one foot into a room. I don't even know how she knows there. And she goes, You didn't ever say goodnight to me last night. I was like, I did right before I just didn't come up. She's like, You didn't meet the standards. She was literally mad at me for 10 minutes. I told her we're going to pick up that Barbie house. I told her something with her and she was so mad because I didn't go upstairs after I bathed her, got her ready for bed, kissed her. Clay just like put her in her bed. And I guess because I didn't come in after that, she was holding it against me. No, I love I love her. And I just think she focuses on the right things, if we're being honest. Evie is Evie is like a rule follower. Her friend came over here and they were jumping on the bounce house. And I think I tell them on the bounce house, I don't know, I had some kind of rule that wasn't a real rule. It was just like when Mills is on there, don't do a flip because you could kick him in the face. He was on there and her friend did a flip and she came and told on him to me. And I was like, girl, when your friends are over, you gotta be cool. You gotta be cool. Like, chill out. You don't have to like, it's okay. I know if you don't follow my rules, it's okay. Like I appreciate you. I like love that. Yeah. But also keep it cool. You know, you gotta relax. Okay. Um, another tip I have about being a new mom is to trust your gut and fight for your kid. Um, so I have a quick story about Lou. Lucy, first of all, when she was born, she didn't have a sucking reflex, which was crazy. Try to feed a baby the only way to get anything into their body, and you they can't suck. That's insane. We had to, we had to move her chin up and down to show her how to suck every single time we fed her a bottle. Anyways, she would react every single time she drank breast milk, she would turn bright red and splotchy. So I only breastfed her for like a couple months. And finally, I was like cutting stuff out of my diet, nothing worked, whatever. Finally, I was like, okay, let's just switch to formulas. So we switched to formula and she would react a little bit less, but she would still react, turn bright red, kind of have these marks on her skin, whatever. And so we took her to the pediatrician and I was like, I think I need to get her allergy tested because I've been eliminating stuff from my diet and I don't know what it is that she's allergic to. And we tried all these different formulas that smell like cat food, like they're all gross and they're supposed to work. They're like hypoallergenic from formulas or whatever. Nothing's working. And the doctor was like, Well, she's only six months old. She's way too young to um do allergy testing for. And I was like, Well, I don't care about that. I need a referral, please. Thanks so much. And she kind of made me feel like I was like being ridiculous. Well, we get a referral, we go do allergy testing. And she was like, It's very painful to do allergy testing. No, she was laughing the whole time, didn't even feel it. They pricked her like 12 times in her back and they tested her for like the most common things. Turns out she's a horrible soy allergy. The day after they told me, and by the way, the allergist is just like, oh, it's soy. And I'm like, oh, okay, so do you have recommendations for formula? No, you just need to find a formula without soy. They didn't tell me anything, and I was like, oh my God. So I go to my group of moms that I was telling you about, and I talk to them, and I think one of them recommended a formula that we use called Kendamil. They sell it in uh Target, but it's a UK-based formula, and it's there's no soy. So that's what we used, and her skin was cleared like I think within maybe two weeks of the old formula getting out of her system and then the new formula getting in. It was great. So trust your gut. Don't let people bring you down. Is she still allergic to soy today? Really? Well, you I mean, she still has like it. It was basically at the time I didn't realize it because she was so little, but it was eczema. Eczema, and she still yeah, she still has it. So, I mean, there's soy in like what's it called? Like bug spray, for example. So I used to use the non-soy bug spray for her, but then she would just get eaten alive by mosquitoes. And I'm like, okay, I'd rather you not have mosquito bites and just have some eczema on your legs. So whatever. Yeah. That's why she has eczema. I feel like eczema gets better as you get older because I used to have it really bad on my arms. I could feel bridged, too. Yeah, I don't anymore. Remember when Mills had like an eczema mustache for nine months? That was crazy. But yeah. Okay, so my friend Amy um is a new mom. I talked about her at our on our last podcast, and I had her send me some topics that you and I can talk about before we move to chronically offline. You and I have a lot of current events to cover off on, which is crazy because we're an hour into this podcast, so we're gonna have to yap a little bit quicker. So, Amy, one of the things that Amy talked about is how your relationship with your partner changes when the baby comes home. Thoughts? Um, I really see what she said. I feel like it tests you. Yeah. I that's the truth. It's I mean, it's like the hardest thing likely one of the hardest things you will have had to go through together. You need to figure it out for this baby. Okay, I'm pulling up her text. She said how you and your partner work together to care for a baby and how your relationship changes during it. I think this, I think we've probably already answered this, which is you have to set expectations with your partner. Um I and if you're not able to do that and you end up in therapy, that's also very normal. I think some guys rise to the occasion and some take a little bit longer to rise to the occasion, and then some don't. That doesn't mean that your marriage has failed. That might mean that raising a baby is not the ideal situation for your partner and your child's not gonna be a baby forever. So you'll get through it, or maybe they're just not a good partner and you need to get away from them. But like also think about that. No offense to the older generation, but our dads didn't do a lot and they're great dads today. So I guess if they're not rising to the occasion, not to excuse it, but like I know. I have no patience. I should not be giving anybody relationship advice because I have no patience for men who don't support their wives. But you're just like all dads back then, and that doesn't, I mean, they like love us so much. But I think it I think a lot of it back then, again, I'm not trying to put it on the women, but it was like the women thinking that it was their full responsibility, probably because the men like helped make them feel that way. But them thinking it should be on them and the guys shouldn't do anything. So it is again you helping your partner see the light that they should be. 100%. But like you should never be asking for permission to take a shower. You should be handing a baby off to somebody, but not asking for permission. And that's where when I hear people talk to me about that kind of stuff, I'm like, I don't have like, give me his number. Yeah, I can't. Yeah. But it is, I mean, it is normal to go through that, those moments in a relationship. Growing pains, growing pains, yeah. Um okay, anything else you'd add as like being a first-time mom? No, just don't have expectations, trust your instincts. If you don't have instincts, text somebody. Text somebody, don't Google. Make a c make a group of mom friends, put them on a text thread. Anything else? Meth heads have kids. If meth heads can have kids, so can you. Like, we're literally gonna be. That's I hope we're not clipped. Thank God we're not a popular podcast because we'd be clipped for like C. I know it like sounds funny, but yeah, I can't get over like how it's like just don't take it surface level. Like, really think about like it really is true. It's gonna be okay. 100%. Wow. Okay, chronically offline. Do you know who Alex Cooper is? I do. Do you know who Alex Earl is? I do. Did you have to Google it or did you already know? No, I knew. Okay. How much do you know about the beef? Um, I don't know that much uh I know that I know the video that Alex posted. Cooper posted. Um okay, let's call them Cooper and Earl. Okay. The Toast Girls are calling Licks versus Lex. Oh, gross. Lyx. Like Alex versus Lex. I guess that's how I know of it too. They're like other podcasts. So do you do you I have a I have a full recap. Okay. Do you need it? I guess I can do it for the for the fans of the pod. Yeah. Okay. Alex Earl is an influencer. Okay. She um she was she's super hot, and she was a girl from the University of Miami, and she would do like dances on TikTok, and she just became popular because she was also very she's just genuine. Like you can tell that she's not trying to be an influencer or she wasn't. She was just like a normal girl who was super hot and had super hot friends, and she was online, and everybody just fell in love with her because she's like a genuine, authentic person. So her star started to rise very quickly on TikTok. She started getting all these thousands of followers. She was everywhere. All of us were obsessed with her. Like we loved, she would do get readdies with me and she would tell us about her life. And then she started opening up more. Like she told us about how she's from New Jersey, moved to the University of Miami, went through sorority rush. She really wanted this one sorority, and they cut her like the first round because they like thought she, I don't know, they had bad things to say about her. And she was devastated. And I don't know, I think she may have joined another sorority and then eventually she dropped, but she was basically like, people in my real life don't feel the same way about me that everybody online feels, you know? Oh wow, yeah. Like I'm kind of a controversial figure at the University of Miami. And so it just made her endearing to a lot of people. Well, so as her star was rising, or or really, I guess in 2023, which is more recently, she was one of the first creators to sign with Alex Cooper, who has a media network called the Unwell Network. Now, Alex Cooper is a podcaster from Call Her Daddy. And I went back and I listened recently to the very first episode of Call Her Daddy. I've never been, I feel like Call Her Daddy kind of happened once I was a little bit maybe too old to listen to it. Like I already had a boyfriend. I didn't really like, I don't know. They talk about like dating and like sex and relationships or whatever. Yeah. And it's kind of hard to listen to. Like I think they probably, I mean, our first episodes are really hard to listen to too, so I get it. But it's very raunchy. It's very, I don't know. It's very interesting. They just talk about I don't know. I'm not gonna say it just in case somebody's yeah. Okay. Well, um, but like I never listened to that either, but like in-depth describing how to do certain things and like it's it's very they have an E. Oh, you know, so do we. We have well, we only have E's on our episodes. They have E on the whole podcast, I'm pretty sure. Oh wow. So we're better. Just kidding. So, anyways, Alex Cooper, you know, she had a co-host, which was her best friend, a girl named Sophia, and they had a huge public falling out where Alex Cooper basically stole the whole call her daddy brand away from her best friend and they didn't talk anymore. And everybody really sided with Alex Cooper. I'm not really sure why. But, anyways, Alex Cooper continued to grow the Call Her Daddy brand. She kind of moved that podcast format from talking about sex to talking to really doing like interviews of people. And Alex Earl signed up for Cooper's Network to launch her hot mess podcast. They were really close publicly. They were attending events together. They like looked like they were besties. Now, where things started to crack is when Earl didn't show up for Cooper's unwell 2025 Super Bowl party in New Orleans, even though Earl was in New Orleans because her boyfriend, with her boyfriend, who's all who is an NFL player, Braxton Berrios, unverified but widely circulated, and there's videos on TikTok about this. Cooper would get Earl very, very drunk while Cooper herself was sober. And it was like she was trying to humiliate her, maybe, or like trying to get her to humiliate herself. And she also made her answer really personal questions about her relationships that obviously that made Earl visibly uncomfortable in the videos. And and like in Alex Cooper is such a mean girl too. I really don't, I don't like her that much. I don't think I've ever really liked her that much, but they filmed like a get ready with me together. And Earl, when she was in college, was dating an MLB player, a baseball player. And while they were getting ready, Cooper is asking Earl questions about her ex-boyfriend. And Cooper's like, oh yeah, by the way, once he DMed me and he was trying to get me to go to a party. And anyway, she's talking about how this girl's ex-boyfriend wanted to be with her. Wanted to be with her, which even if that's true, like it's a weird, you have to go back and watch the video because it's really weird. It's just something that you don't say. Yeah. You know? And you can tell Earl is not feeling that conversation. So, long story short, I it I don't know if Earl was dropped from Unwell or she just didn't renew her contract. Some people are saying that Earl felt like Alex Cooper wasn't offering her enough money once their her contract was like up to be extended, once it expired. But other people are saying that the hot mess podcast that Earl owned wasn't doing very well. And so Cooper didn't want to sign her again to the network. But nobody really knows what went down. Okay. So then Earl goes on dancing with the stars, which is something that Cooper never got to do. And she did great, and she's so likable and she's so cute, and she got even more fans from doing that. Now everybody kind of knew that there was beef between them because they were like best friends, like Taylor and Carly Kloss. Yeah. Okay. You know how they were like inseparable, and then the next day they like literally never spoke again? Yeah. That's how these two were. They were everywhere together and then they weren't. And so everybody knew that there was something that went down, but nobody was really saying anything. Well, Earl danced to the Britney Spears song Circus during Dancing with the Stars. And then Cooper used that same song at an Unwell Vegas event, literally right after Earl had danced to that song on Dancing with the Stars. And it was very, very clear that it was meant to mock her. Or it was weird. It was like a subtweet. Okay. And everybody knew it, and she didn't deny it. So then in April this year, Earl reposted a TikTok that compared Cooper to an ambulance chaser in a Grim Reaper who shows up when people at their are at their most vulnerable. So remember, she's not talking about like sex on her podcast really anymore directly. She's now tried to be like this interviewer, a journalist, which she is no, I don't think she has any like formal training in journalism. And she's doing all these interviews, like the whole format. If you go look at Call Her Daddy on the podcast on Spotify, it's only interviews that she's doing now. She's not doing anything herself. And so that's a valid criticism that she just goes to people when they're at their lowest and you know wants to take advantage of them. So Cooper, this is where you have, you know, now we've caught up with your understanding, gets on her TikTok and is like, Alex Earl, this message is for you. Stop being passive aggressive. She just was like, it was insane what she was saying. You're being so passive aggressive, you don't have an NDA. Tell people what the beef is. I don't know. Like, what's the beef? What's the beef? And it's like, girl, you know that there's a beef. Why are you pretending like you didn't do some mocking dance of circus? What's so crazy? Yes, that's what I was just about to say. She's acting like she's innocent in this, but the circus video, it's like you started it. Right. What are you talking about? Don't act like you're above it. And so she accused her of pushing, she Cooper accused Earl of pushing a fake narrative to distract from other things going on. Which is just weird. I don't know. It was a weird video, whatever. Do you know who Brianna Chicken Fry is? I do. Oh my God. Okay. So Brianna Chicken Fry is another podcaster. She's she was on a Barstool podcast. I don't know if she still has a podcast. She might. She had a famous podcast where Dave Portnoy, who's the CEO of Barstool, was her co-host. And they literally used to recap tea, like internet tea, just like we're doing. And they were friends with all the people who were always involved in the tea. So they always had like the inside scoop. So uh Brianna Chicken Fry. Now, uh one thing I didn't mention is that at some point Barstool owned call her daddy. Okay. So Dave has somewhat of a relationship with Alex Cooper. He doesn't really like her necessarily because I think then she left Barstool and went somewhere else. But, anyways, this is it's all very convoluted. Like all these people know each other. So Brianna Chicken Fry enters the conversation. She says that Earl told her everything. She told her all the tea during the Super Bowl. And she's like, there's some good tea here. And she called Cooper a very mean person. Cooper clapped back by posting screenshots of their DMs saying that Chicken Fry has nothing but kind things to say about her and that that they've never met. And Chicken Fry came back and was like, girl, just because I once thought that you were nice doesn't mean I'll always think that you're nice for my whole life. Like you've done new stuff that makes me hate you. So now I hate you. Like, duh. So it's just, it's very messy. Apparently, Earl hired Cooper's old publicist and agent. So that has further caused a mess. And then Earl also just did a an influencer event with somebody named Claire Holt, who is the ex-wife of Cooper's current husband. Does that make sense? Okay, wait, say that again. Alex Cooper is married to a guy named Matt Kaplan. Okay. Matt's ex-ex-wife is a lady named Claire Holt. Claire Holt and Alex Earl just did an influencer event together. Oh wow. So it's like, you know, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Got it. Okay. So, anyways, the conversations online have kind of been weird because people are like, I think that this is a PR stunt. Like, this is gonna be a PR stunt, and Alex Cooper is gonna um, you know, have her on the podcast. At this point, you can't call somebody an ambulance chaser and like come back from that. Right. Like, that's not, I don't think that's a cute little PR thing. Yeah. You know, I don't know. So it's just very, very messy. And personally, I'm Team Earl. Yeah, I watch, like I got to know her through through the dancing with the stars season that I watched, and I'm obsessed. She's so cute. Yeah. She's like so beautiful, so genuine and real. Like I get the draw. And so I have to imagine that she's not like saying this stuff. No, I think. Well, and Earl was at Coachella with her sister, her younger sister. And her younger sister woke her up to show her the video that Cooper posted about her and that filmed it. And Alex was like, in a I mean, you know how you sleep after a night of drinking. She was dead to the world. And they woke her up and she just smiled and she was like, That made my day. And so she commented back to Cooper. And said on it, exclamation point. But it's been like a week and a half, and everyone is like, where is the I feel like that's probably gonna be hard because you know how like circling back to work and like people at work, like it's hard to describe sometimes what everyone knows or sees in a person. So I feel like that's going to be that's like a hard burden probably on Alex Earl. I thought the same thing, but Brianna Chicken Fry said she told me everything that happened at the Super Bowl. Yeah, I guess that's so there's enough of there's at least enough of a story for Breonna Chicken Fry to switch teams. Yeah. And then you've got Dave Portnoy who is roasting himself to death. He has a place in Florida, I think. And so he's been posting live, he's been like live TikToking this whole drama. Every time a new update happens, he goes on TikTok and he posts a video and talks about what happened and talks about his thoughts. He just like loves to insert himself. He's like roasting himself. Like he's not wearing sunscreen. He's like literally, like literally roasting. So he's sitting on the beach and he is talking, he's spilling the tea, his behind-the-scenes knowledge about this stuff, and it's he calls it tea by the sea. This man is, I mean, he's he's gonna get skin cancer. Everyone in the comments is like, Dave, please put on sunscreen. And then he gets back on one day and he's like, I put on moisturizer. And everyone is like, that's not sunscreen. That's not the same thing. So is it is he like agnostic? So I thought he would be Team Alex just because they have history and they seem to still have a good relationship. Sorry, Team Cooper. They seem to still have a good relationship. Um, like they hung out at the Kentucky Derby this year, but I I don't think that he's Team Cooper. I think that he he's met Alex Earl a couple times and he seems to like her. So um I don't think he's really on his side. Which what's crazy is everybody on TikTok is Team Earl. There are very few people on Team Cooper, and the only people who are really on Team Cooper um are so because Alex Earl is, she's not really known to be a Trump supporter, but she's like not known to not be a Trump supporter. And I think her family are Trump supporters, they're conservative. Um and then Alex Cooper is known to be a liberal, I guess, a Democrat. So if I've seen anybody on Team Alex Cooper's side, it they're like, well, I don't agree with Alex Earl's like politics. So I don't agree with her. Right. So, anyways, I'm ready for the tea. I'm ready for Alex to like and I wonder what she's gonna do. Like, is she gonna do a podcast episode? Is she gonna talk about it on a new show? She's she's about to be on a new reality show. How does that come out? I don't know. Maybe that's the problem. Well, that's what's going on. Like we have to wait three months until your reality show airs. Like, why don't you do like an emergency podcast episode and then make some money off of it or something? I don't know. She's probably figuring out a way to spill her tea and make money off of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:54

Is her podcast good? I actually never listened to it, not one episode. So I have no idea, but I do like her a lot. Yeah. Okay, a couple more things before I let you go. It's been a long episode. Oh my god. If it wasn't recording, I would cry. Oh no, it's been a long episode. The Masters. Okay. I don't think any of our listeners live under a rock, but in golf, there is a tournament in Augusta, Georgia called The Masters. And the Masters takes place at Augusta National. And it's just known for being like a very traditional tournament where you cannot bring your phone in. Like they will put you in jail if you have your phone. You can only bring in like digital cameras or you know, whatever camera. And I don't know, it's just like you go back in time when you go to the masters. Now the drama this year is around the merch halls, the influencers go into the masters, the dress code at the masters. And so I've actually shared my opinions about this already on Instagram. And so before I tell you how I feel, did you watch the Masters this year? First of all, I watched the final day. Have you seen any of this controversy online? The Merthalls, like people are just, I mean, it it is out of hand. That's the controversy. Yeah. However, like I did look them up when I was trying to a mom's friendship. Okay. Okay. So when you live in Georgia, it's really, really hard to get master's tickets. People will be on the wait list. There's a lottery you can enter every year. And there's like 40,000 people that enter. And some people are on the lottery for their entire lives and never get tickets. But if you live in Georgia, it's very, very likely that you're going to know somebody who is going to the masters. My neighbor went to the masters this year and she texted all of us and was like, hey, what do you guys want? And she got me a hat and she got John. And she went to one of the practice rounds. So none of the merch hauls had hit the interweb yet. So I just had to tell her blinds. Wow. And I was like, girl, I have faith in you. I just want like a baseball hat because you know me and my baseball hats. And I want a polo for John that I'm going to give him for Father's Day, but he ended up wearing it to Easter. And she did great. It was super cute. And then mom's friend went and he got Mal and I sweatshirts that I had seen in somebody's merch hall. And we both got these really cute needlepoint keychains of the Master's gnome that's very famous. So on one hand, I love the merch hall girlies because it's like QVC. They show us everything that they have. On the other hand, I'm like, what why do you need 12 masters hats? Yeah. It stinks because it makes it like hard for everyone to get merch who wants it. But other than that, I don't really care. I that's how I feel. Like people spend three grand on a like a designer purse. They want to go spend their money on master stuff. And like I I think for me it's I I think consume the consumerism that's taken over is it hurts me more every day. I think that that's kind of one of the reasons why I decided to learn how to sew clothes. Because I'm just like, it's gross. And you have never experienced this, probably, because you had a little bit more money than me when you started having kids. You were further in your career than I was. So when Evie was born, I was on Facebook Marketplace trying to buy resold clothes or whatever. And you know, the drop model that a lot of brands have launched now, like if you're familiar with like set active or daily drills or the bar with the sweatshirts, like they don't just have an ongoing stock of things that you can order anytime. They do drops. So if you don't buy during the drop, like it's gonna sell out. And what that has made people do is they freak out and they buy as much as they can during the drop. And it's like you don't need to buy every drop and buy like a billion, you know, of the same. I don't know. Anyways, yeah, no, that's fair. You know what I'm saying? And and that happened in mom sites too. Like I would get online and look at kite baby pajamas and they would do drops of certain colors. And these moms would be like freaking, like, I'm just trying to get pajamas that are cute for my baby. Yeah. These moms are are reselling used pajamas for like $70 for bamboo pajamas, and people were paying that, you know? And I'm like, what are we doing, you guys? I love kite baby. But like, it's not like these are a luxury item, they're just bamboo pajamas. Why are we spending $100? It just doesn't make sense to me. And I hate that about our culture now that people do this. I just think that like we're in an economic crisis right now, you know? And then you have people that are online 45 masters t-shirt. Yeah, it just feels gross. I don't know. It's like read the room, maybe. Maybe that I don't know what the problem is. I need to go to therapy and figure out what the problem I actually have with it. But the merch halls just feel gross to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:29

And then they turn around in my, I don't know about your Facebook marketplace, but since we're local to Georgia, my Facebook marketplace has been 100% masters stuff. And Allie bought me this hat for 32 bucks. I think I paid her back. These people are reselling hats for like $120. That's so crazy. You know? And I guess you have to say the merch halls, it's not like people going and showing five things. Like they'll literally go and get like 10 t-shirts, like and five of them are the same, they're just different colors. Yeah. It's excessive. Yeah. It just feels icky. Yeah. So then you have influencers coming to the masters, which is weird to me because what are you selling? If you're selling merch, well, you can't buy merch online.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:12

You can only buy it resold, and then you're just making the problem worse because people are buying in in mass. They're just buying all of this stuff, and then they're turning around and marking it up a hundred times and putting it on Facebook Marketplace. Are there like influencer booths? What are the influencers? So some a girl that lives in Augusta meth responded to my stories, and she said that there are brands there that do activations. So like Zertech was there, and Zertec had a bunch of influencers. And so it's the brands. I thought it was the masters inviting influencers. It's the brands inviting influencers. And then I guess giving them tickets. But I'm like, I didn't see any brands at the masters. Yeah. Whatever their marketing was, it didn't do a good job because it did not come across my desk. And then you have the influencers where I'm kind of like, what are they selling if not the brands? Because it can't be the tickets. It doesn't make sense to be the merch. And then also there was a ton of controversy because now that there's a lot of influencers at the masters, the dress code is starting to slip a little bit. And so there is a girl named Jenna Sims. Do you know who that is? I think you told me. Okay, so so Jenna Sims married Brooks Kepka. Okay. So people are like, these influencers are coming to the masters for the first time, and they're just their boobs are out and their butts are out. Okay. And they're not, they're not dressing like appropriately for the event and they're not like respecting the masters. Now, first of all, what I have to say to that is you can criticize influencers for being at the masters. I'm with you. Why are they there? It doesn't make any sense. We're not going to talk about what women wear. And and the thing is, if the masters can keep like tens of thousands of people from bringing their phones into the masters, like when I tell you that no one sneaks a phone into the masters, like they've got that on lock. They can enforce a dress code if they needed to. You know, it's like a country, if they have a country club dress code, they can enforce it. Are the outfits crazy or it's just like oh sorry. So Jenna Sims has been getting a ton of hate online, and people are like, you're disrespecting the masters, you're an influencer, you don't know blah, blah, blah. Her husband is a golfer. He's literally on the PGA tour. What? You know? And and also, like, I don't really think that she's like an influencer. There's a difference between people who are trying to be like clout chaser influencers, and I'm probably like included in that to a certain degree. She's miss, she's a former Miss Georgia. Like, she's famous on her own right. She's not famous for being on social media. But like again, her husband was he playing? Yes, that's crazy. I'm trying to look her up right now. So, I mean, she looked cute. I thought she looked so cute. So Jenna Sims. Yeah. J-E-N-A Sims. So one of the days she wore, you know, those blankets that people have, the master's blankets that are like a collector's item. She had those turned into a pair of pants, and they're so cute. Oh, I see them. Okay. And people were like, you're showing your midriff, like it's not appropriate for the masters, like, whatever. Some people messaged me on Instagram, you know, you would understand this better if you have been to the Masters before. And I was like, okay, I haven't been to the Masters before, and I'll give you that. You know who has been to the Masters before? Jenna Sims. So, like, what I just but like I'm confused because what she's like, she looks cute. Yeah, it's not. I was expecting it to be like no crazy for people to have like her stomachs hanging out, which if you walk down the street today, you'll see. I don't know. I guess I haven't been to the masters. And here's the thing: if a girl has her butt cheeks hanging out at the masters, I don't want to see the butt cheeks either. I'm not gonna complain to anybody about it. I'm just gonna assume that the master's staff will do their jobs and enforce a dress code. I might steer my children away from that, not that there's that many children at the masters, but I just think there's a lot of other things that we can criticize before we criticize what women were wearing to the masters. Totally agree. I don't know. I just don't like policing women. It just gives me a bad vibe. I just like don't see anything wrong with what she's wearing. So I'm very confused. And she wasn't the only one that was being criticized. There was a few more, but I listened to like the Giggly Squad podcast and they were talking about it too. Paige had the same take. She looked up the other girl that people were criticizing, and she was like, She literally looked cute. Yeah. Like, what are you guys talking about? I'm looking at all of her outfits right now. Like she's showing her stomach. That's the worst thing. Yeah, and her booty. If I looked like that, I would wear the same thing. That's the thing. Like, let's talk about that. This woman has had children. She is a former. I mean, I'm sure she still is a model, you know? Like, let her live her best life. I just, I don't know. Let's support each other, ladies. We have to, we have to hype each other up. Um, okay, I was gonna tell you about clavicular and the manosphere. Do you know anything about either? Do you know what either of those words mean? No. I think we're gonna have to save that for the next one because we're up on an hour and 45 minutes. Oh my god. So the last thing I have for you today is the Justin Bieber performance at Coachella. What are your thoughts? I will say at first, I was kind of on the side of I wish that he wasn't just singing along. Let me recap real quick. Or actually, why don't you recap? Why don't you recap? Okay, so at Coachella, Justin Bieber got on stage and he brought his MacBook in a stool and a table. Okay, so we know your thoughts. No, no, no, no. Don't let don't let how I'm explaining this give you any judgment about how I feel. But he pulled up YouTube and he literally took requests from the audience about what songs of his, like his old catalog from when he was little that he should play. And so he played the old stuff. He played Baby, right? He played Beauty and the Beat, Beauty and a Beat. He played songs that all of us grew up listening to. And then he sang along with them in some cases. A few times he pulled up random YouTube meme videos, which was interesting. And then he did do performances. He performed his new, he recently released an album, I think last year, and he performed some of his newer music, including a duet with the kid LaRoy. So it wasn't just him streaming YouTube. The backlash from that is that people have said, like, how dare you get on stage at Coachella for performance and just sit there and pull up YouTube and take an audience request like you're a DJ. And then another criticism I've seen is people be like, I mean, Sabrina's like performance was incredible. She was dancing, she had all these like stage things. If a woman had done what Justin had done, they would rip the woman apart.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:19

So I have a lot of thoughts, but I'm I want to hear yours first. I don't know. At first I was kind of like, dang, that stinks. People camp out for hours for this expecting it. But then it's it is kind of like think about him, what he's been through. 100%. He's shown like over the he hasn't given Sabrina. If you watch any one of her performances, it's like that. It's like bubbly in life. He hasn't given over the past however long anything that shows that that's what you should expect from him. 100%. And even I watched though, like a couple of his actual performances, and I was like, never mind, forget any bad thoughts I had, like, I love you so much. Right. Um also he performed at the Grammys this year and he did the exact same thing. Exactly. So it was so good. It was so good. So well received. It was weird, but I got into it after a little bit and I was like, you know what? He has been through so much. Yeah. He's been through so much mental health, many mental health struggles. You know, we all have known that he's like really been having a rough time.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:15

And he hasn't been performing. And if this is what he wants to do now, like I just want to hear him perform. Right. I don't care what he does. He doesn't have to dance and do all that crazy stuff he used to do. Like, I want him to be happy and comfortable and I want him to fall in love with performing again, like he used to be in love with performing. And if if it takes him with a laptop and a stool on stage, then like, hell yeah, let's do it. Someone was also saying it could be have been strategic because he sold his old catalog or something. I saw that too. So maybe he didn't have to play all of his old songs. Right. So the what Mal's talking about is that Justin sold his masters. So he no longer owns his masters, which means he does not own his back catalog of songs that made him famous. So if he was to perform any of those songs, he would have had to probably pay like royalties or something. But if he just pulled up YouTube and sang along with YouTube, that's different. He's singing with a YouTube video. He's not having a band play the whole song or whatever. And he's just singing with parts of the song. I don't think he sang the full song anytime. He kind of came in and out. So um that would be a way to get around not owning his own masters, which maybe, maybe it's a business decision. But I loved it. I mean, what would be better than being in the front row of the Justin Bieber Coachella performance and getting to shout out your favorite song and then him perform it? Yeah. Do you think he would have ever planned to sing Beauty and a Beat? No. No. About Sabrina uh about Selena? No. You know? Yeah. His voice is just so good. It's so good. There's this clip on TikTok of him singing Beauty and a Beat. I'm sure you've heard it. Or maybe it's made its way to Reels at this point. Yeah, I literally only watch Reels, but it has. And he starts singing, you know, show you off. And it's like in his his current voice, his cool boy voice. And then at some point in the middle of the beginning of that song, he he realizes that he could still hit those notes, like in his childhood voice. And he switches and he sounds like he did when he was younger. And people are like, he's just like rediscovering himself. And he just seemed like genuinely. I don't think he seemed happy at the Grammys, to be honest. He seemed stressed. I was stressed. I think Haley was probably stressed. He seemed like so happy. Yeah. At Coachella. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just happy for him. I can't imagine doing that for his like what he has gone through, what he's done. So I would rather him sit up on stage the whole time, not even do a full song than not having him perform at all. So 100%. So I loved it. I think the the thing that people say of like, why what if a woman did this? Weird, like that's weird. If Taylor Swift, I think Taylor Swift is a good person to compare to Justin because they've had the same length of career, you know, and they're both like A-list celebrities at this point. If Taylor did that, people would love it. If Taylor sat with us and pulled up the songs that never made it on her albums, but that we all know, like, um, isn't our song not an album song? I think it is. Okay, anyways, she has a bunch of music that I grew up listening to that's not on any of her albums. Like we would, we would illegally download it off of LimeWire. And if she did that, that would be awesome. Yeah. We would love it. We would not criticize that. Nobody, and Taylor can't dance anyways. Nobody would be expecting like a dance performance from her. Sabrina, people are like, if Sabrina did that, Sabrina is brand new. I mean, I know she's been around for a while and she's been like in the game for a while, but her star has recently risen. So she hasn't put in the time, I think, to have the respect to be able to do that. Nobody's begging her to come back on stage.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:36

I think that that's the wrong angle to take. Like, I love women and I love supporting women, but the wrong angle to take is what if a woman did it? Like, that's not you know relevant here. It's not relevant here. And even if it was compare apples to apples, like you're comparing apples to oranges. Also, Coachella isn't supposed to be like the cool people like buys. The whole point of okay, I actually don't know what I'm talking about here. I want to say that, but I think that Coachella is meant to be like a stripped down performance. Like people who perform are not supposed to be doing like a stadium tour. However, Beyonce. Yes, Beachella. She set the bar. She said the bar, so she came and changed. I have watched that performance. I mean, I don't even know how many times. Every single time I'm in the hospital giving birth to one of my children, I watch Beachella. And she's at the bar, and I think Sabrina's trying to live up to that, you know? Yeah. Um, but Justin doesn't need to. That's not the point of Coachella. Also, I had this thought that I wanted to ask you about. Kylie Jenner has been going to Coachella since she was like, what, 12, you know? Yeah. And do you think for her it's like SAE shower cap? A hundred percent. You know? Like it's that's her field party. Like you're dating the yeah, you're dating like the best friend of the fraternity president. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's her, so it uh when you go to a a school in the south, I don't know how other schools are, but we have all the fraternities have spring field parties where you know it they get a band to come and you just put your cowboy boots on and you you wear your jorts, your jean shorts, and you just drink outside all day. You day drink all day, and it's it's crazy and it's you know, probably pretty redneck, but it's pretty fun. And I'm just like, Coachella is Kylie Jenner's SAE shower cap. 100%. They all all the field parties have like kind of weird names. Is that redneck? I mean, standing in cowboy boots and jorts and like a crop top in the middle of a field with a bunch of beers. Yeah. One of my coworkers like called me redneck, like pretended he was kidding, but he said it more than once. And I'm like, like something about me has made you say that. But then so then that just I never really took that as like redneck. I just took that as like college. Well, that's redneck. I hate to tell you. Here's the thing if redneck is associated with being racist, it's not redneck, okay? Like I think these days like that. Okay. Some people these days think redneck is racist. I don't think that definitely didn't mean that. But if redneck is like, you know, I'll be like, I like country music, and you're like, God, we're such a redneck. Yeah, well, we, I mean, technically we're from like our family's from Alabama, which is like, I think redneck capital. Right. So you are unfortunately redneck. You're your dad's child, dad is redneck. Yeah. Hate to say it. Um, but yeah, I think that I just love that that that for her. Like it's really sad in college how you can only go to field field parties for four years, you know, and then you have to stop going. Yeah. But Kylie Jenner just gets to go to a field party every year for her whole life. Yeah. You know? She must live the best life. I she really does. Um, what's the what's the field party for Sigma Kai called? I forgot. Derby Days? Oh, Derby Days. Yes. Okay, before we close out, let me just make sure I have um I have my note that I need to check. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you this. Okay, one more thing, and then I promise we'll close this, okay? We're almost at two hours. I was interviewed by a magazine. Really? Yeah. When is it supposed to come out? I guess May for Mother's Day. It's the Mother's Day edition. So pray for me. I'm scared. So, anyways, that's what keeps me up at night. Okay. Well, our next episode. We are going to be talking about interviewing and giving you our tips for how to ace an interview if you're looking for a job. I know talking about being the new girl at work and then talking about interviewing is like kind of out of order, but that's what we're gonna do. Because we're not working off a content calendar here. We're just working off the vibes and the um neurons firing in my brain in this very moment. All right. Don't forget to leave us a review. If you could leave us a review, that would be amazing. Have a great month. Peace and love. Peace and love.