EP 3: Red Flags vs Green Flags in Teen Relationships | How to Know When It’s Healthy

Are red flags always obvious in teenage relationships?

In this episode, we break down red flags and green flags in high school dating. Harper shares her personal list of relationship red flags, green flags, and how to trust your intuition when something feels off.

We talk about:

• Inconsistent texting
• Being kept a secret vs keeping things private
• Emotional maturity in teen dating
• Respecting boundaries
• Trusting your gut in relationships

Healthy love feels safe. Chaos feels exciting. Learning the difference can protect your heart.

If you’re navigating your first or second relationship, this episode will help you recognize warning signs and protect your self-worth.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, welcome to Rarely Said, the podcast where we talk about what everyone feels but not everyone says. I'm your host Harper, and I'm so excited you're here. Let's get into it. This episode is about red flags versus green flags. Okay, this is a very, very confusing topic, even for me, because emotions are just so extremely intense, and red flags are not obvious. Like I know people are like, they're so obvious, I don't think they're obvious. And green flags also don't even feel that exciting, they just feel super safe. This also is like an emotional high and an emotional low. Okay, I have my handy-dandy journal here, and I listed my own red flags and green flags that I wanted to talk about. Here are some of my red flags. I said inconsistent communication, because why would you keep me guessing? That is mean. And also it's like leading me on the next day, or not texting one day, texting the other day, not Snapchatting one day, Snapchatting the other day. It's mean and it sucks. Umly talks to you at night. He is probably bored. Because why would he only talk to you at night? That's weird. I'm telling you, that's weird. Doesn't respect your boundaries. See, this is a really big red flag. And I hope you have some boundaries set. They need to respect them because why would you just let a guy walk all over you? That's not good. Never takes accountability for his actions. No. See, this one makes me really mad because why can't you just be honest and be like, I'm really sorry I did do that. Except they don't. They just, you know, make you feel like nothing's ever their fault. Even if it is, you're like, you know, well, there's proof, and they're like, that didn't happen. Well, guess what? It did happen. It's manipulation too. Don't believe him. Only cares about himself. If he is not asking you questions about yourself and your life and your goals, that's bad. Because why are you only talking about yourself? I don't care about that. Please ask me some questions about me. I'm amazing. Keeps you a secret. No. Because why would you ever do that? Because I'm so amazing. Come on. Everyone needs to know. Unless okay, this is actually I have something to say about this. Keeping it a secret versus keeping it private is like completely different because I'm so here for a private relationship because you know, these teenagers they like to yap and they like to talk. And I totally understand if you don't want your relationship just rumors hurt relationships and people talk. But keeping you a secret is completely different because if whatever, you're like, well, let's go get ice cream, they're like, I don't want to be with you in public. That's that's where it's bad. They should whatever, seeing or going to places where there's people around and they're saying that they don't want to do that with you because there's other people there, that's super weird, and I don't like that.

unknown 3:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Also, no, because come on, you should be able to be yourself and laugh and be funny and have your personality come through. And when he's just over here making you feel like you can't be yourself and you can't be funny and you can't be cute, then no, that that's bad. Please don't do that. Okay, since we talked about all the bad stuff, I think it's only fair to talk about the green flags and the good stuff. So, here are my green flags I wrote down. Consistent communication, which means they are consistently texting you, consistently hanging out with you, making you feel amazing and like you're a princess and a brat because you are, of course. Proud to be around you. So take me to get ice cream in public, hang out with me, be proud, because obviously you're amazing. Why would he not be proud to be with you? Like, make it make sense, okay? Being confident, okay. There's there's a line to this one because yes, you want a guy to be really confident, but you do not want them to have like a big ego. Well, personally, I don't because that would gross me out and that would give me a nick. But confidence means like he knows his self-worth, he has his own boundaries, you know, he's his own person, he's confident, he's happy. But if he's like thinks he's better than you, I don't like that. I don't like big egos, okay? When he's kind to others, this is a big one because if he's kind to others, this means he's gonna be kind to you and he's gonna be nice to you. And if he is talking bad about other people, he's also probably talking bad about you. I hate to break it to you, but it's kind of what happens. Matches your energy. This is a big one because why would you want to be hanging out with someone who does not match your energy? Like, come on, that would be boring because obviously you're so awesome and you want them to be awesome too. Okay. Emotionally mature. If you want to have a conversation with them about something you're feeling and they are not mature about it, and they don't know what to say to you. Okay, actually, I take that back. Maybe they don't know what to say, but there's things that they could say to make you feel like your emotions are still valid, I think. Definitely been through this one because I would hate when I would send a whole thing about how I felt about a situation and they would say, Okay, are you serious? Stop. Don't do that to me. Okay, patience. This is another good one because I think, I'll just say it, sometimes I am mean, and sometimes I'm a brat, and sometimes I'm sassy and sad. But if he's not patient with you and he just, you know, is mean about it, like please just be a little patient. I'm I'm just a girl. Seriously. Okay, respects your reputation. This is a big one because you do not want him maybe going and telling other people you guys' personal stuff, and then that makes you look like you're doing some bad things. You know what I mean? Like he should be able to keep your guys' stuff private, and if he's telling other people stuff that could affect your reputation, that's not good because you won't have a good reputation. Those are my red flags and green flags. But my thing about this is that you just need to trust yourself and what you feel in your gut and your intuition, because I'm telling you, it's telling you something, I promise. But if it feels confusing, you can take a step back and you could think about it. And I promise peace is quieter than chaos, and healthy love does not require you to lose yourself. You're allowed to want consistency, you're allowed to want clarity, and you can walk away from people that don't meet you where you are, because I'm telling you, you're awesome and you're a brat, and you're sassy, and you're amazing. And if a guy takes this away and is being confusing, leaving is hard, but staying is harder. And vice versa. But on that note, thank you for spending this time with me. If anything in this episode felt familiar, I hope it reminded you that you're not alone, and you don't need to have everything figured out yet. Sometimes just noticing is enough. Thank you for being here. I'll talk to you again soon. Bye bye,