EP 10: I Stopped Caring What People Think & It Changed Everything

What if the most freeing thing you ever did was just… stop performing for other people?

Harper gets personal in this episode of Rarely Said. She's taking it all the way back to middle school — feeling left out, chasing trends she didn't even like, and changing pieces of herself just to feel like she belonged somewhere. And how slowly, then all at once, she stopped letting other people's opinions run the show.

Starting this podcast was part of that. Showing up as herself — publicly — was part of that. This episode is about what that actually felt like.

We talk about:

• Feeling left out and invisible in middle school
• Changing yourself to fit in — and why it never actually works
• The moment things started to shift
• What self-acceptance looks like in real life, not just on Pinterest
• Why living for other people's approval is exhausting and you can stop

You don't have to shrink yourself to be liked. The right people will find the real you.

If you've ever felt like you were performing a version of yourself just to get through the day — this one is going to hit. Drop a comment if you've felt this too. 👇

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, welcome to Rarely Said, the podcast where we talk about what everyone feels but not everyone says. I'm your host, Harper, and I'm so excited you're here. Um, today we're gonna talk about how I stopped caring what people think, because I think it's something in my life that I've had to overcome. And I think it all started around when I was like 13 years old, just starting middle school during COVID, right when I went back to school when I was around 13. And I think it all started because I felt really left out. Um, all the kids at my school knew each other, and I didn't know anyone because it was the school I was going to was in a different city, and everyone had like social media and a phone, and my mom was really weird about it, so I didn't have social media or a phone, and I wasn't really like in with all the trends, and I felt really left out, and they were all kind of very exposed to the world and like knew what was going on, and I was just like I just knew like my family and my friends, and I would watch TV, that's all I had. Um, and I had an iPad, but again, I didn't have social media, so I literally watch YouTube, like I really wasn't in all that stuff, and so I feel like all the girls and guys were just having like these big life experiences already, and they were already like having all this fun, and I felt really left out. So I think I started to care what people thought of me because I would try and maybe like have a cute outfit or do my makeup and like learn I learned how to do makeup probably around that age because I thought I needed to to fit in with them or to be cool like them. And I didn't feel super pretty or anything, and they were all like just almost like more grown up than me, and so I felt like I needed to fit in with them, so yeah, I learned how to do makeup. I had decent style, maybe I don't uh maybe not. And yeah, so I think it all started then, and then I had to kind of relearn how to not care what people think, because obviously, when you're so little, like you would dress yourself and wear these ugly outfits, no makeup, crazy hair, and it was like fine, like everyone did that, but then once everyone started growing out of that, I felt like I was still kind of in that phase of like, oh, I don't care, I don't care. And then middle school came and then I started to really care. So then I think it was really gradual with like slowly starting to not care what people thought about me. And I think it's I couldn't really tell you what I did because I honestly do think it was partly like just maturing. When I did care, I felt really like sad and overwhelmed because I thought I had like a really big standard to put myself up to, and I thought I had to do all this extra stuff just so people thought I was cool and pretty like them, and so I could fit in with the girls that all went to my middle school. But then I think as I matured, I slowly started to realize like, oh, I could have my own style. Obviously, I could still wear makeup, but I could have I could do my makeup a different way, or I could use different products than everyone else, kind of by the time I think more recently I really got myself out of it. And even doing the podcast, like it was a really big step for me. And obviously, you have to not care when you're doing something very publicly. Um, and even just like posting whatever you want to post and wearing what you want to wear, even like like hanging out with guys you want to hang out with, because if you care about what everyone thinks, everyone's gonna have an opinion on what you're doing. There everyone in high school cares about what you're doing, they care about which guys you hang out with, they care about what you wear, they stalk your social medias, like everyone really cares and like put puts thought into it. It's really a weird thing. Even I catch myself doing it. I'm like, oh, I wonder what they're doing, or I wonder who they got with this weekend. Like, everyone kind of cares and notices what you do. So I think you have to kind of learn how to not care what people are thinking about you so that you can live a good life. And I want to be successful, I want to make money. Like everyone is gonna care and be like, oh, I wonder what Harper's doing. Like, and then you kind of just have to get yourself out of the, oh, well, I hope they don't think about me differently or care about what I'm doing. And like, you just have to get yourself out of that or else you're not gonna be successful, really. If you care about what everyone thinks, then all your goals and your dreams are gonna be cut off and you're just gonna be chasing a dream that you can't have because everyone is gonna, because you're gonna think everyone is caring about what you're doing, which in the end, like after high school and all that is over, once everyone is more matured, people do stop caring about you and like what you're doing. Right now, where I'm at, I don't care what people think about me. I really do whatever I want, clearly, and I just let people think what they want to think, say what they want to say, and at the end of the day, it's their thoughts about you. And it what really matters is the thoughts you have about yourself. So if you think everyone cares what you if you think everyone cares about what you do, then maybe you're just caring about what you do. Because I think really it's maturing and realizing, but also it's kind of in yourself too, to be like, okay, I can do whatever I want, and people are gonna say stuff, but that's their opinion. That's not my opinion on myself. If you're listening and you already feel seen, then this podcast is doing its job. You don't need to have your life figured out to be here. Sometimes just noticing is enough. Thank you for spending this time with me. I'll talk to you again soon.