EP 11: Outgrowing Friends Who Are Still Around | When Friendships Change in High School

What do you do when you haven't had a falling out — you've just... grown apart?

Harper gets into one of the quietest, most confusing feelings in high school: outgrowing someone who's still right there. No drama. No big fight. Just two people slowly becoming different versions of themselves and realizing their paths aren't really going the same direction anymore.

It happens. And nobody really talks about it.

We talk about:

• Outgrowing friendships without any drama or conflict
• Why people drift apart even when nothing "goes wrong"
• Cherishing old memories without holding onto something that's changed
• Finding people who actually match where you're going
• Why it's okay to let things fizzle — and why that doesn't make you a bad friend

Growing up means some friendships evolve. Some fade. Both are allowed.

If you've ever felt guilty for outgrowing someone who didn't do anything wrong — this episode is going to make you feel a lot less alone. Drop a comment if you've been here too. 👇

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, welcome to Rearly Said, the podcast where we talk about what everyone feels but not everyone says. I'm your host, Harper, and I'm so excited you're here. Today's episode is about outgrowing someone that's still around. And I think I really have dealt with that as I've grown up and, you know, just dealing with life in itself and trying to build a life for myself, really. I don't really want to go to college. I want to just start my life and be rich. So I think that a lot of friendships have been outgrown because of that, because I've noticed that a lot of my friends want to go to college and they want to figure out their life after four years. And I think it's really because friendships evolve, life happens, all of that stuff. But I've definitely been in a couple friendships that I still am in, and maybe just don't talk to them as much. But for example, one of my friends, I was friends with her since elementary school. She's great. I love her to death, and she moved. So she kind of just has her own friend group, a new boyfriend. Like she's doing her own thing, and it's great. And I literally love her to death, but that's outgrowing someone that's still around. Like I'm still friends with her. And I would obviously still talk so highly of her, like she's a great friend. But I think we've kind of outgrown each other because we spent so much time together, and now we're just both on a different path of life. And I have another friend. I met her in middle school and we still hang out, but I just feel like we just have different life goals and stuff like that. So I think that's kind of how it's been for me to outgrow people. And I think it also might be like a maturity thing. I feel like I do want to like figure my life out. And like I want to move out next year. I want to move or not next year. Wait, I'm a junior. Sometimes I think I'm a senior. I want to move out in two years instead of going to college. And I wanna really just do my podcast and focus on social media and trying to make my own money from that. I think sometimes it it could be a really confusing thing because really nothing happened. Like there was never drama, nothing happened. It's just people do outgrow each other because people mature differently and people have different lives. And obviously, if you're not in the same phases of life as someone, it's kind of hard to be friends with them. And I really do believe that. I think me and my best friend are have very similar goals in life, and we're in very similar situations. So I think it's really easy to be friends with her because when we talk, it doesn't feel like we're talking about nothing. We're having deep, meaningful conversations and bouncing ideas off of each other. And I think we're both very smart and we both have similar goals, so we do just have really good conversations. So hanging out with her doesn't feel draining and it feels very meaningful, and I like want to hang out with her all the time. I want to be with her all the time. And I think with some of the friendships, friendships I've outgrown, I don't want to be with them all the time. Like I could just hang out with them like once a week or once a month, and it's still like I still enjoy it. It's just I'm not like, oh my god, I want to see them, I want to see them, I want to talk to them. I have so much to tell them. Like with my best friend, I want to FaceTime her 24-7 and text her about what I'm doing and my life. And I want her to do the same thing because I'm like so curious. But I also feel like she's like my friend's soulmate. Like we just get each other, you know. Outgrowing someone shouldn't feel like so like such like a burden, almost like it shouldn't be like, oh my gosh, I need to like reach out and I need to do all this stuff. Like, no, you can let something fizzle away. And if it comes back and you guys all of a sudden, like maybe they matured or they have similar goals as you and good stuff to talk about with you, and you like want to hang out with them again and they have good things to say, then I think that that's great. I do think that that's great. But for me, and I do think I've outgrown a lot of my friendships, like I don't hang out with like the same people I hung out with even a year ago. Like, I hang out with the people that fulfill me and make me feel heard and seen, people that have the same goals as me because I wanna almost feel normal. Like my best friend makes me feel normal, like, okay, these goals are realistic. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like if I were to talk, talk about the stuff I talk with to my best friend, with some of the people that I'm friends with, I think I wouldn't really feel as seen and they'd be like, oh, you want to do that? Really? So I think just like finding your people is really a beautiful thing because it makes you feel seen and like heard. And if you're trying to keep around the people that you know you've already outgrown and you're trying to be best friends with them still, when you know that you guys are so different now in your life, I think you should maybe take a step back and let things fizzle away. And it can really be confusing because really nothing happened. It's just you're just evolving, and that's a good thing. It's not a bad thing to evolve, it's a good thing. And even if your friends are evolving too and you're feeling them fizzle away, I feel like you should just let them do their thing. I don't think you should bug them and be like, oh my god, well, you don't, you don't spend time with me and you don't make an effort to see me. Okay, well, we're in different phases of life right now. So I don't think you need to like make an effort to see someone and um talk to them all the time when you guys are in very different phases of your life. If you're listening and you already feel seen, then this podcast is doing its job. You don't need to have your life figured out to be here. Sometimes just noticing is enough. Thank you for spending this time with me. I'll talk to you again soon.