EP 15: My Mom Didn't Finish College & Built a Successful Business Anyway | Is College Actually Necessary?

Harper is back with her mom Tera — and this time they're tackling the big one. Do you actually need a college degree to be successful? Or is that just something everyone says because it's what everyone does?

Tera went to college, felt completely lost, dropped out, built a hair salon from the ground up, and then went back to school at 50 — on her own terms. And she has a lot to say about the pressure put on teenagers to figure out the rest of their lives before they're even old enough to rent a car.

This isn't an anti-college episode. It's an honest one.

We talk about:

• Tera's real college experience — the pressure, the confusion, and leaving
• How she built a successful salon without finishing her degree
• Whether happiness or a diploma should come first
• What parents should actually say when their kid doesn't want to go to college
• The societal pressure around college and why it's worth questioning
• What real-world experience can teach you that a classroom can't
• Debt vs. a degree vs. building something yourself — the honest breakdown

Sometimes the unconventional path is the one that actually makes sense.

If you're feeling the pressure to follow a path that doesn't feel right — or you're a parent trying to figure out how to support a kid who thinks differently — this conversation is going to hit. Drop your thoughts in the comments. 👇

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome to Rarely Said, the podcast where we talk about what everyone feels but not everyone says. I'm your host, Harper, and I'm so excited that you're here today. Today we have my mom. Say hi. Hi. And we're gonna talk about her opinions on college and me not wanting to go. So I have a lot of questions, and we're just going to get talking. Let's pull up my notes. Do you want to give them a backstory on your college experience?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

I would love to. When I graduated from high school, I would say maybe 50% of my friends were going away to college. And of the 50% that remained, I think maybe 25% were going to community college, and the other 25% were just sort of starting careers or jobs. And when I realized everyone was applying to college, I was like, oh shoot, I need to apply. I need to, I need to go to college too, even though it wasn't necessarily something that was like embedded in me as a child. I didn't grow up being told, oh, you'll graduate high school, you'll go to college, you'll get a job. It just was not really talked about in my house a lot, which I think was more common. That was 35 years ago. So I graduated from high school. I did get accepted to San Diego State. And I wasn't like the greatest student. And I also knew there wasn't anything I really was like dying to study. And when I approached Grammy and Pop and said, Oh, hey, I got into San Diego State. I'm going to college, they were like, uh, no, we didn't plan for that. And so I enrolled at our local community college, and I then spent the next 10 years just enrolling in classes, maybe finishing one or two, dropping most of them, and really having this overwhelming feeling of what am I doing here? None of these classes resonate. I'm taking all of these classes. I originally thought I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, and the classes I was taking were so boring, and I just was like, I don't even want to be here. What am I doing? And so fast forward, I ultimately pursued a career as a hairstylist, built my business. I've owned our salon now for 10 years, and that's been really great. And a few years ago, I learned about a degree program that was like specific to the beauty industry. And I always had the goal of finishing college, but it just never made sense because what was I gonna study that could really benefit my business? Um, nothing really felt super exciting to me. And so I learned about this program, I enrolled, I did it online through ASU, and I graduated in the year that I turned 50. And being a college student as an adult with sort of my career and life all figured out was an entirely different experience than going right out of high school. And that was super impactful for me, and it sort of changed my view about kids right out of high school going to college.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

That's really funny. You know, in my episode, I talked about that a little, and I said it's for me it would be better to go once I'm more mature. So now I'm gonna ask my mom some questions, and we're gonna do a little QA here. When I told you I might not want to go to college, what was your first reaction?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

It actually was kind of a relief to me when you said you didn't know if you wanted to go to college right after high school. And I think that relief comes from, you know, I know a lot of kids go and it's sort of their first taste of freedom, and I think there's a lot of partying. I think academics are not necessarily taken super seriously by a lot of kids that go away. Um, and that's not to say there's some there are benefits to going away and like learning independence and responsibility and being on your own, and I think that's really beneficial. But for what college costs these days, it felt like knowing you, you were going just to go, just because that's what other people were doing, and you were sort of just following that path that others were taking. And I actually am really proud of you for having awareness around the fact that that might not be the right fit for you right now.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Do you think college is necessary to be successful? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Now, listen, if you're a doctor, a lawyer, um, something you know, more specialized that requires specialized education, of course, do you that's a non-negotiable. But I think for most of us, if we can stay focused and, you know, have goals that we're working towards and we're progressing, you know, 1% better each day at whatever it is we're doing, I think that could be far more beneficial than sitting in a classroom and listening to lectures about things that may or may not even apply to what you end up doing.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

What's more important to you?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Getting a degree or being happy and financially stable? Oh my gosh. Happiness, I think, even comes above financial stability. I mean, that's important, obviously, right? We need to be able to move through the world and have our needs met. But for me, growing up, I watched one of my parents really enjoy their work and the other was just miserable to get up and go to work every single day. And we spend so many hours at work. I mean, far more than anything else we do in a week. And so if you're going to a job that you hate, oh my God, that is just no way to live. So I think doing something that you love naturally then creates an energy and a flow around the finances. I think people who love what they do, that you know, they have there's this stupid cliche saying, like, love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life. It's so cliche, but it is actually very true in my experience. You know, I've loved doing hair, and so I'm excited to go to work every day. I've done it, I'm approaching 26 years doing hair, and I still love it. I still get excited. I love seeing my team, I love connecting with my clients, and you know, are there other things I could be doing and making more money? Yeah, probably. Probably lots of things, but I really love getting up and going to work every day. What would you tell parents whose kids don't want to go to college? I think I would ask those parents, is college something that you're measuring your own success by, or is it that you're actually measuring the success of your child? I think I know that with where we live, there's so much pressure, not only on kids, but also on parents around their kids getting into the best schools and where they're going. And there's so much dialogue around that. And, you know, I'm in the salon and I have a lot of clients that are coming in and they have kids your age, and it's all about where everyone's going to school. And so I think there's a lot of parents that are kind of pushing that and pushing their kids in that direction because in some way it makes them feel successful as a parent. Like, oh, look what my kid is doing. And I think that's something that I don't I don't judge my success by. I want to have kind, loving, amazing children that we talked a little bit about this this morning, right? Like when you go out into the world, don't be an asshole. Like if you need to be an asshole because you're having a bad day, like do it at home. Do it in a place that's safe where you know the people that love you know that, oh, she's just having a bad day. But um, I don't think having a college degree is what determines someone's success. It doesn't make them a good person. You know, it it it's not it's not what determines success or not success. Do you think society puts too much pressure on people to attend college? I do. I do. I think um, you know, like a lot of other things we talk about in our house, it's a business, right? Schools are making money, and the cost of education has gotten so expensive that there's a big push to get enrollments, right? Like the more kids, the more money they're making. So much like, you know, our healthcare system and the pharmaceutical industry and the food industry, like everything's a business. So I think we need to be really discerning around what is the motivation for getting kids enrolled and what is the value of what's being taught. I think education has changed so much over the last 20 years. I see a lot of kids graduating and having degrees that cost $200,000 and they can't even get great jobs. You know, it'll be years and years and years of working before they're even earning what it costs to get that piece of paper. So I think there's a lot to be said for real-world, real life experience.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

What do you think my biggest strengths are outside of academics? I love this question. Because academics are not a strength for me at all, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

So well, so here's a strength though. A big strength of yours is growth, right? So your freshman and sophomore year, your grades were garbage, but you actually decided I'm I can do better than that. And I saw you work really hard this year, and your grades are good. I mean, they're not perfect, they're not gonna get you into UCLA, but like that was never the goal, right? Yeah, and I think that you have shown so much more self-confidence this year, and I think a part of that is, you know, you made the choice that you could do better, and then you worked really hard to do better, and you've taken huge responsibility around your grades. I'm way more removed this year than I was last year and the year before. I don't check your grades. You know, we only talk about grades if you bring up, you know, oh, I had a test and I got this, and we talk it through. And I've just been really impressed at how much more important it has become to you, and not because you're trying to get certain grades to get into school, which is what I think a lot of high schoolers do, right? They're trying to get certain grades so they can apply to the schools they want to go to. And for you, it's been more I know I can do better, and trusting in yourself and doing the hard work and showing up for yourself in a way that created a result that you desired. And so I think that's a huge strength. And again, that's that's not something they're teaching in college, right? Um, that's something that you've been able to really work on with yourself. I want to share how we were at dinner last night with your boyfriend and his parents and how complimentary they were around how you show up in their home and how much they enjoy you and how respectful and sweet and funny and kind you are. And so I think those are huge strengths. Again, things that are not taught in college, right? You have another really, really strong gift of intuition and knowing how to connect with people. And I think that's a life skill that will take you really far. And again, something not taught in college.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Would you rather I have a degree in debt or no degree in a successful business?

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Oh my god. I mean, that's like you don't even have to ask me that one. Um yeah, I know I think if there are other parents listening, we haven't really talked a whole lot about this, you and I, but dad and I have talked about it a lot. And it's the idea that if you're not going to college, helping to create some structure for you around, okay, this isn't a free-for-all. What are you going to be doing with your life? Um, and sitting with you to create goals around what it is you want to accomplish and really giving you maybe that four years to figure out your path and to really launch you on that path toward whatever it is you want to work on. Um we love that you're doing the podcast, and I think that has great potential for, you know, a future business and career for you. And then beyond that, I think, you know, with my own experience around college, I've said to you, college isn't going anywhere. You can go back at any time, right? I went back as a 47-year-old and got a degree. Um, and it was really beneficial. I've implemented a lot of what I've learned. It's it's created a lot of growth and change in my business. And you may, you know, choose a path that you're on for a while. And at some point you might think, like, oh, actually, I could take this a step further if I had more education around this. And you might choose to go at any time. And I think that's um that's the bigger message, right? It's not going anywhere. You can go at any time. You don't have to go right out of high school. I actually think it's insane that children are asked at 18 years old with hardly any life experience to pick something and to have their parents or them or, you know, however it gets paid for, but hundreds of thousands of dollars can be spent on this piece of paper and this education around something that they probably know nothing about going into it, right? And I think that's why so many kids are like changing their major or they're getting a degree in one thing, but then working in something totally different. And so I just I love the idea and the reminder that life is really long and we can always change our mind. We can always pivot, do something else, go back to school at any time. So I would love to know what your thoughts are about that. Like, what do you what do you I know you've shared that you probably aren't going to go? What made you make that decision?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Because I feel like people go to like party and be in a sorority, and I don't really care about that, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

What about the academic side of it? Well, I hate going to school. So how would I do it for another four years and torture myself? Yeah, and you could totally change your mind about that. Thank you for being on the pod today. You're welcome. I always love to share my my insights with you and your audience. Let me know in the comments if you and your parents have talked about college and your career. If you're listening and you already feel seen, then this podcast is doing its job. You don't have to have your life figured out to be here. Sometimes just noticing is enough. Talk to you again soon.