Gossip Counsel And The Horse Farm

Some mistakes don’t just sting, they invoice you for years. We’re walking through Proverbs 11:13-14 and getting painfully practical about two things that shape your whole life: what you do with other people’s secrets, and who you let speak into your decisions. If you’ve ever felt the pull to share something “just to process,” or you’ve surrounded yourself with voices that always agree, this conversation will hit close to home. 

We start with Proverbs 11:13 and the idea of the talebearer, a person who peddles private information like a merchant. That framing changes everything. Gossip isn’t only a mouth problem; it’s a character and spirit problem. We talk about why confidentiality is a form of love, how discretion creates real safety in relationships, and why Scripture treats slander with serious moral weight. We also connect gossip to idleness, because when purpose goes missing, people often fill the vacuum with drama. 

Then we move to Proverbs 11:14 and the search for wise counsel. More voices don’t automatically mean better guidance; bad counsel can speed up a collapse. We draw a bright line between supporters and counselors, look at biblical examples of truthful confrontation, and lay out a simple process for decision-making: go to God first, seek wise and godly people, then return to Scripture and prayer to weigh what you’ve heard. I also tell the horse farm story, a dream I chased for confirmation that turned into six years of consequences. 

If you want better judgment, healthier relationships, and advisors who actually protect you from blind spots, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs wise counsel, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

Proverbs And A Costly Lesson

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Well, good afternoon. Today we're going into Proverbs chapter eleven verse thirteen through fourteen, and we'll call this one gossip, counsel, and the horse farm. Proverbs eleven, thirteen through fourteen is about trust, tail bearing, wise counsel, and why I learned the hard way. So I'm going to do something a little different today. I'm going to give you a real life story that cost me six years of my life and more headaches than I can count. Because sometimes the best way to teach a principle is to admit that you ignored it. But we'll get to that in

Gossip As A Spirit Problem

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a minute. First let's look at verse thirteen. Because before Solomon talks about counsel, he talks about something that quietly destroys it, and that is gossip. Verse thirteen The Telbearer and the Faithful Spirit He who goes about as a tailbearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals the matter. Now I want to stop on the footnote here because it's actually more interesting than the main translation. The footnote says But he who is faithful of spirit conceals the matter. Faithful of spirit. That changes the whole picture, doesn't it? Because the way most people read this verse, they think it is just about keeping your mouth shut. Do not repeat what people tell you, fair enough. But Solomon is going deeper than that. He is saying gossip is not primarily a mouth problem, it's a spirit problem. The Hebrew word behind tailbear is Rachel, which literally means a peddler, a merchant, someone who travels around trading goods. The picture Solomon is painting is a person who goes from place to place trading in other people's secrets, the way a merchant trades in merchandise. Information becomes currency, other people's pain becomes their inventory. A gossip doesn't just talk too much, a gossip trades in what was never theirs to sell in the first place. And on the other side, the person with a faithful spirit, that is someone who can carry weight without leaking it. They have a settled, steady spirit. They are not desperate for attention or social currency. They do not need to make themselves interesting at someone else's expense. When you bring them something heavy on your heart, it stays where you put it. Think about what that feels like from the receiving end. Think about the people in your life who you know, you know for certain, will never repeat what you tell them. There is a specific kind of freedom you feel around those people. You can actually be honest. You can actually be vulnerable because you are not calculating what they might do with what you say. That is rare, and Proverb treats it as one of the most valuable things a person can be. What the law says about it in Leviticus nineteen sixteen says you shall not go about as a slanderer among your people, and you are not to act against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord. This is not a small verse tucked away in a minor section of scripture. This is right in the middle of what theologians call the holiness code. God is laying out what it looks like for his people to reflect his character. And right there, in the same breath as do not murder, do not steal, do not oppress your neighbor, he says do not go about as a slanderer. God treats gossip with the same seriousness as injustice, because that is exactly what it is. It takes from people something they never agreed to give. It puts their reputation, their vulnerability, their private pain into circulation without their consent. That is a form of theft. So the warning in Proverbs twenty says he who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with the gossip. Solomon is practical here. He is not just saying gossip is wrong, he is saying protect yourself from it. Here's the logic. If a person brings you someone else's secrets freely and without hesitation, they will bring about your secrets with someone else just as freely and without hesitation on your part. The gossip does not have a special loyalty to you. They have a loyalty to the transaction. They trade in information whether they realize it or not. Today is someone else's story, tomorrow it's going to be yours. This is why the quality of your inner circle matters so much, not just for what they tell you, but for what they will not tell others about you.

Idleness, Discretion, And Quiet Strength

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No, idleness in the New Testament connection. In first Timothy five thirteen it says at the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house and not merely idle, but also gossip and busybuddies, talking about things not proper to mention. Paul connects gossips directly to idleness, and I think that connection is more important than it looks. When a person has no meaningful purpose, no real assignment, no work that matters, and no mission that consumes them, they fill the vacuum with other people's business. The mind has to go somewhere, the energy has to go somewhere, and when it has no productive outlet, it finds a destructive one. That is why the antidote to gossip is not just trying harder to stay quiet. It is getting busy with something that actually matters. A person consumed with their assignment does not have the mental bandwidth to traffic in other people's drama. Now discretion, the other side of the coin. In Proverbs nineteen eleven it says a man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. I always like that verse. Solomon is showing us the positive version of what verse thirteen is calling us to do. The person with a faithful spirit does not just keep secrets, they absorb things. They have the capacity to receive something difficult, an offense, a piece of information, a wound, and hold it without reacting, without broadcasting it, without letting it become the next thing they trade to someone else. That is called discretion. And Solomon says it is glory. It is not weakness, it's not passivity. It takes more character to hold something quietly than it is to release it loudly. The person who can be trusted with secrets, who has a faithful spirit, who exercises discretion, that is the person others will bring their real problems to, because they know it is safe, and when that person speaks, people actually listen. Now verse fourteen.

Guidance That Prevents A Fall

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I'll call it counselors, counsel, and the horse farm. Proverbs eleven fourteen says where there is no guidance the people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is victory. Now this verse sounds simple. Get a lot of adversaries and you'll be okay. But there is a question underneath that Psalm expects you to think about. What if your counselors are all wrong? What if the abundance of voices you are surrounding yourself with are fools, yes men, or people who are telling you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear? Because here's the thing an abundance of bad counsel does not produce victory. It produces a bigger, faster collapse. Solomon himself proved that. He wrote this proverb, and then later in his life, the voices of his wives slowly turned his heart away from God. He had an abundance of counselors, they just were not godly ones, and it contributed to the fracture of everything he built. For it says in Kings eleven fourteen, for when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods, and his heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. An abundance of the wrong voices is not a safety net. It is a faster road to the same cliff. So the principle is not quantity, it's quality. It isn't the number of counselors that brings victory, it's the character of the counselors. Surrounding yourself with ten people who tell you what you want to hear is not wisdom, it's expensive flattery.

Counselors Versus Supporters

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Counselors vs supporters there is a difference. Here is a distinction I think is critical and most people never make. There is a difference between a counselor and a supporter. A supporter says you are right, you got this, go for it. I believe in you. A counselor says have you thought about this? What happens if that goes wrong? Let me push back on that for a second. Now supporters feel better to be around. They make you feel good. They confirm what you already want to believe, but they are not the ones who keep you from making big mistakes. Nathan was not David's supporter. David was the king. Nathan could have just agreed with everything. He could have kept his head down and his mouth shut and stayed in the king's good graces. But when David committed adultery with Bathsheba and had Uriah killed to cover it up, Nathan walked into the room and told David a story, and looked him in the eye and said, You are the man. That is a counselor. That is what Proverbs is talking about. In Proverbs twenty seven, verse six it says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitfulness are the kisses of an enemy. The counselor who loves you enough to tell you the hard things is more valuable than ten cheering you toward a mistake.

Putting God First In Decisions

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So where does God fit in? Now here's a question that naturally comes up. If we are supposed to seek wise human counsel, where does God fit? Is this a verse about people or about the Lord? I believe the answer is both, but in order. God is the ultimate counselor. Isaiah nine six calls Jesus the wonderful counselor. Proverbs nineteen twenty one says Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. The final authority is always God, always Scripture, and always the Holy Spirit. But God often chooses to speak through people. Think about how he has worked. David had Nathan, he had Gad, and he had Abigail, who physically stopped him from slaughtering an entire household in a moment of rage. Paul had Barnabas, Silas, Timothy, even the apostle Paul, the man who wrote most of the New Testament, was not a lone ranger. The order goes like this Go to God first. Ask him for wisdom. James one five says if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God. Then seek wise, godly people, not people who will validate you, but people who fear God and will tell you the truth. Then return to God and weigh what you have heard against Scripture and prayer. That way the counselors never replace the Holy Spirit. They become one of the instruments the Holy Spirit uses. Wise counselors do not replace God, they help you hear Him more clearly. They see the blind spots you cannot. They bring perspective that emotion had hidden from you.

The Horse Farm Mistake

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Now, the horse farm, a real story about how I should have listened. This is going to be a real story now about Proverbs 1114 in my own life. Years ago I had this dream. I actually owned a piece of property on the water, I refinanced it, and I used that money to buy a little five acre farm. My middle daughter loved horses when she was growing up, and I have this picture in my head. I could already see it. I'd wake up in the morning with a cup of coffee, walk out into the porch, look out over the green pastures, watch the horses peacefully grazing. The horses would eat the grass, the horses would fertilize the grass naturally, and I would sit there, drink my coffee, and life was going to be beautiful. It was a perfect picture in my own imagination. Now here's the thing. Everybody told me not to do it. I mean everybody. Friends, family, people who knew farms, people who knew horses. They all said, Ed, you don't know anything about horses. You work full time, you're not a farmer. This is not going to go the way you think. But I did not want counselors, I wanted confirmation. There's a big difference between those two things. I was not asking people what they thought. I was looking for someone who would agree with me. And when they did not agree with me, I processed their warnings as them not understanding the vision. They just could not see what I saw. So I did it anyways. Now let me tell you what actually happened on that farm. The horses did not just eat the grass. The horses escaped the fences repeatedly. The fences broke, the fences I had to build, by the way. The tractors broke, everything broke. I worked harder on that farm than I have ever worked physically in my life. There were concussions, there were constant maintenances. Every weekend became elicit chores that never got shorter. I had that morning with the coffee and the peaceful horses, the morning you know I had pictured in my head about two times out of the six years. Two mornings out of six years. Eventually I sold it, losing around half a million dollars in the process. Looking back, Proverbs eleven fourteen was not trying to take my dream away. It was trying to protect me from my blind spots. Every single person who warned me could see something I could not. Not because they were any smarter than I was, but because they were not emotionally attached to my fantasy. I was in love with the picture in my head, and that love made me deaf and blind. I didn't want counselors, I wanted confirmation. And when people gave me counsel instead of confirmation, I stopped listening. That is one of the most expensive mistakes I could have made. Proverbs 18 1 says, Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desires and breaks out against all sound judgment. That's exactly what I did. I isolated myself from the counsel that would have protected me and surrounded myself with the fantasy version of the plan. And the fantasy was beautiful. The reality was six years of exhaustion. I don't regret dreaming. I regret refusing to seriously listen. Those are two completely different things.

How To Spot Wise Counsel

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So how to recognize a wise counselor? So how do you know if the people you're listening to are actually worth listening to? Well scripture gives us some clear criteria. First, do they have the fear of the Lord? Proverbs nine ten says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. A counselor who does not have a reference point higher than their own opinion is just giving their preference, dressed up as advice. Second, look at the fruit of their own life. Jesus said in Matthew seven sixteen, by their fruits you will know them. Before you take advice on your marriage, look at the marriage of the person giving it. Before you take advice on your business, look at how that person has managed their own. You would not take financial advice from someone who has destroyed their finances. The same principle applies everywhere. Third, are they willing to tell you something uncomfortable? Proverbs twenty seven six says Faithful are the wounds of a friend. A good counselor will risk the relationship, protect you from a mistake. A bad one protect the relationship by letting you walk into the mistake. The only one whoever agrees with you is not a counselor. They are a yes man. And fourth, are they keeping your secrets? This is where verse thirteen and verse fourteen connect directly. The person who gossips about others to you is not a safe counselor for you, because the same spirit that peddles other people's private matters will eventually pedal yours. A trustworthy counselor has a faithful spirit. They can hold what you bring them. James thirty, seventeen says, But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering and without hypocrisy. That is a structure of genuine wisdom, pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy, unwavering and without hypocrisy. When you find a counselor whose life and words reflect those qualities, hold on to them. They are rare.

Rehoboam And The Danger Of Yes Men

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Riobal, this is a classic biblical warning. Scripture gives us one of the clearest case studies on what happens when you choose the wrong counselors in first King chapter twelve. You just inherited the kingdom from Solomon. The people come to him and ask for relief. The burdens of taxation and labor have been crushing. The elder counselors who have served his father tell him, Listen to the people, show them grace, and they will serve you faithfully for the rest of your life. But he does not like that answer. So he goes to his younger peers, the friends he grew up with, and asks them. They tell him to go harder. Show them who is in charge, double down. He chooses the young advisors. Well, the kingdom splits into two and never reunites. He had counselors, he had an abundance of voices, but he chose the ones who told him what he wanted to hear, over the ones who told him what he needed to hear, and it cost him everything his father built. That is the warning on the other side of Proverbs eleven fourteen. The verse is not a guarantee that simply having counselors produces victory. It's a promise that walking in wise, godly counsel, counsel you are actually willing to hear, leads to better outcomes than going it alone. So let's put them together.

Trust, Counsel, And Final Takeaways

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Let me bring verse thirteen and fourteen together before we close, because I do not think Solomon placed them next to each other by accident. Verse thirteen is about being the kind of person who can be trusted, a faithful spirit, someone who does not peddle what was given to them in confidence, someone who can carry weight without leaking it. Verse fourteen is about surrounding yourselves with those kinds of people. Because here's the thing, a wise counselor has to be trustworthy. If you're going to open up your real life situations to someone, if you're going to let them see your actual numbers, your actual fears, your actual heartfelt thoughts and feelings, you need to know that what you bring them stays with them. You cannot have real counsel without trust, and you cannot build trust without a faithful spirit. So the two verses are actually one idea. Become the kind of person described in verse thirteen, and then seek out the kinds of people described in verse thirteen to speak into your decisions. The whole system requires character, not just information, not just experience, but character. And the horse farm? That was my tuition. Six years of concussions and broken fences to learn one lesson that Solomon had already written down thousands of years ago. I did not want counselors, I wanted confirmation. And confirmation without counsel is just a faster road to an expensive mistake. So here's what I want you to take out of today. Be the bolt. Be the person who can be trusted with people what people bring you. Build that reputation over time. It is one of the most valuable things you can be. And then, before your next big decision, do not just look for people who will agree with you. Look for people who have the character to tell you the truth, the track record to back it up, and the faithful spirit to hold what you bring them. That is Proverbs eleven thirteen and fourteen in real life. So dream freely, but dream with people who love you enough to show you your blind spots. That is not the enemy of vision, that is what protects it. Well, we'll pick up in Proverbs eleven next time. Until then stay in the Word, keep your spirit faithful, and listen to the people God has placed in your life who love you enough to tell you the truth.

Book Recommendation And Closing

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And in closing, one of the truths is if you haven't been able to hear the voice of the Lord clearly, pick up my book. God, why won't you talk to me? It'll save you a lot of time on hearing his voice. Love you all. Bye bye.