Mentality vs. Reality

Mental health matters. On this episode, Trey and JJ dive into mental health and its importance. Learn a little bit about Trey's fantastical adventure at DC Pride, and how he ripped off a title for the podcast, and JJ's interesting therapy experiences.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or ideations, please contact Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988.

[Quick Quack Note: This episode is the first of many that have a featured video on the Youtube. We make reference to it a couple of times and have a few "technical difficulties" so please, mind the mess and enjoy this episode all the same.]

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Your listeners do and radio Yeah, I'm a bad bitch, I bite, up all night, all night, pull up, it's on fire holds the press on the one I keep the light.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

I took my band, I want my cat, backflash, expand, back flash, I can I'm a bad bit, I fired, you rockin' with a like mark, get bad, let's start, close with that, we're about to make a mark. I'm a bad bit, I park, you're bucking with a like market, get back, let's start close with that, we're about to make a mark.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

You're listening to you at State Radio Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

We're back.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Back in the stew. Back in the motherfucking stew, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Yes. Yes, out the quib and into the stew.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Out the quib and the motherfucking stew, okay? Yes. We gotta come back like we never let the star. We had to take a little hiatus.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

We had to take a little hiatus when life happens, but I'm Jay. I'm Trey.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

And we're back in.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Yeah. And like you said, as you can see, we're live and in color, okay? Living color. Yeah, we got merch. If y'all want some more merch from us, please let us know. Instagram, DM us, TikTok us, let us know that you want merch, and we'll give that to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Awesome it would be for you to wear one of these shirts. Yes. It would be great. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Um, so first off, happy Pride Month!

SPEAKER_03 1:48

Happy Pride Pride Month, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Make sure to stay quack, stay queer, and black and stay happy in all things.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

And stay authentic to your true self, whatever that is, and whatever that means for that day.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Literally, to all our people who are trans, to all our people who are black. Ooh, what's another sexuality?

SPEAKER_03 2:07

I forgot. Lesbian, we're trans, asexual, asexual. Yes. All the alphabet mafia, yes. Alphabet. Stay with us. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So I'm excited. Like you said, we took a break, but as you can see, now we got video. Yes. We got some video going.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

I will I'll I look forward to having an overlay for the for the video stuff. But yes, I can't wait. It's gonna be solid. It's so exciting.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

It's exciting. It's so exciting.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

So we have video now. We have the full theme song out now on the platforms.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Listen to the extended theme song.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Yeah, the extended version. Yeah, that is that is exclusive to everywhere. Um on all streaming platforms right now. Um, but that's out. It's called the Quack AF podcast theme song. No way. Extended version. Kind of just right on the nose right there. And it came out uh last week. Was it just last week? I thought you said a couple weeks ago. Maybe two weeks ago. Maybe, maybe two weeks ago. But yeah, at least because it was before, it was before I went to DC with Obsidian. Oh you know Obsidian, Obsidian is our friend.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Previous episode.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

Yeah, that we've seen on our previous episode. If you've not listened to that episode, please listen to that episode. It was our last episode. It's a really good one. All about astrology and his experience with astrology. Um, so you definitely learned something. So we went to DC. Um, fantastic trip. Oh yeah. Did we talk about I don't think we talked about the trip?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Actually, you didn't tell me anything. So I actually can't wait to hear about this. So all I got, just putting it in a chat right here, all I got was a dick pic in the chat. Random guy. I did look him up. You had his handle or something in there, and I was like, I guess I'll look it up.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

I think he did, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Okay, well, I mean, dicky, dickey fricky. It was live.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

In the freaky dicky. Okay, so it was a pretty good trip. Um, like I said, DC Black Pride. Like I said, I'm still young into DC Black Pride, so I don't know all the spots and what to go to and what to do. Because I heard about this place called Bullpen, where we talked about basically like that, we were like, it's a sea of niggas. It's a sea of niggas. They apparently missed out on this. We missed out on that. And I think as we get older and get more accustomed to going, we'll know exactly what to look for and what to do right there. So but like I said, shout out to Nelly's. If you're from DC, you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You're black and you're gay, you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. Yep. Nelly's was the bar that we went to twice.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

That Friday night and Saturday night. That was that. Both times were spectacular. Oh wow. The second time, not gonna lie, we waited in line for an hour.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

So what were you waiting on? Like to get in? To get in, yes. Oh my god. Was it that busy? I mean, I guess it was pride.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Pride, it was black pride, DC Black Pride. It was, we would let him wait in line for an hour. I know some of you bitches are like, the fuck? I'm not in no damn line for no motherfucking hour. But it was worth it. It was worth it. Did you see all fine ass niggas there? It was it was worth it.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Uh, were any were any finance niggas looking at y'all? It was still happening there.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Not that I could sell. But there probably was. Okay. But yeah, it was a good time. So we went to Nelly's, we went out to eat a couple of days. We got, did we get brunch? No, he went, he went brunch. He went to Moon and Something? I forgot the name of Moon. Moon and Something. I forgot the name of the place. Shout out to Moon and Something in DC. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He went to some place to get brunch. Um we went to all these little, we went to what was that place called? I think it was Smash Burger. That was the only place that was opened up late that night, and it was right across the street from this lounge that we went to called Thirst Lounge. Um they had no cover, so it was free to get in. Oh. Yeah, and it was it was alright. It was like a hookah lounge, so they was kind of smelling like hookah, which I'm not, I don't do hookah, and I don't think I particularly like the smell of hookah. Okay, but I know that.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

This is my third time being exposed to actually like the word hookahah. Yeah. Because Obsidian was talking about it when we were at your place, talking about the incense was smelling like a hookah hookah lounge. Yeah. So I'm like, is that what a hookah lounge actually smells like? Because I don't mind the smell. It can be, yeah. Okay, because it was just like a I don't want to say metallic, I guess I can't really think what the other word, but like it doesn't sound like a it doesn't seem like a bad smell.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

I think in a hookah lounge to me it can be overpowering.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Uh okay. Like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Like if I I I didn't think that they were the same smells. They might have been similar for sure. But I think that they were different a little bit. I think they were looking different to the city.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Okay, okay. Well, I guess I'll have to go. Well, now I have a reason to go to DC. Yeah, period queen. Yeah. And in fact, um, we actually plan on going somewhere this month, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Is this month or next month? I'm gonna be next month. We're going to Charlotte Black Pride.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Charlotte Black Pride.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

It's not June? It's not in June, it's in July. Oh, that sucks. I think Charlotte Pride is in June, I think. Okay, real. Which we can probably still go to, I guess maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Do you I think Winston Salem has its pride? Do you guys go to that? Sure.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

Okay, real. I think that's in June.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Oh my god, yes. Because I went last year and it was pretty great. I went with um one gay friend, two straight uh friends, and they we had a good time. It was just like a really good walk down the street, see some people, stuff like that. It was great. Right.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

It's the time, it's the time when all the alphabet mafia just awakens.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

You can't be calling them that.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

And our superpowers like finally become a shit. What's the cunty shit? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I can't do it like they do it, but oh my god, they were funny as fuck. Yeah, they're fantastic for the cunty, the cunty bitch.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Invisible Woman, please DM me. Teach me your ways. Uh, is there any more preamble before we want to get today's topic?

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Um, no, like I said, that was that was fine. Like I said, I'm so glad it's about to be summer. We're about to be out. Yes. Motherfucking side. Like it's Gemini season. Shout out to all the Geminis out there. Um I hope you're having a great time. Um, but yeah, it's it's it's it's getting I'm excited. It's summer. Yeah. It's summer's gonna be exciting because we got this podcast going. I am excited.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

We're gonna have so much time to actually record more episodes. Yeah. And I'll have more time to actually like do shit. Oh god, I can't wait.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

But yeah, how are you?

SPEAKER_00 8:18

I tod Thank you for asking, Trey. I'm I'm I'm actually illuminating today. Um I don't know if you could tell.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Thank you, Mary. You're getting the eight. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Okay, okay. Right, quick, right quick. Crazy ass timing, by the way. So like I was just like hanging out, waiting for a friend to give them the stuff or whatever. And I was texted on um sniffies. Okay, not sniffies. And I was like, uh first off, profile picture, it was like, oh, you know, you can you're kind of attractive. I had to let him know immediately. I was like, hey, you're attractive. And then first off, best conversation I've had uh on sniffies ever, it was just sniff, yeah, it was like conversational. I was like, oh my God, okay. So even if this is bad, like this was a really good experience for like sniffies in general, so you know. But like, great vibes, attractive. And um he was down game. Like he was in to play games.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Oh, he's a gamer. Don't he was a gamer.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Okay. Oh shit. Yes, he plays games and he was talking about Smash and how I was like, bro, you fucking suck. You're not gonna be better than me. He was like, hey, like that shit. I might push you against the wall.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

We did smash. Y'all smashed.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

We we might. Oh, okay. It might happen to that. I'm just like, hey, if it goes good, I'm like, let's keep making it good, you know.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

I know that's fucking right. I know that's fucking right. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Um yes, he was black, just uh just so you know.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Oh, I wasn't thinking that.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

I didn't think you were making the table. Now you put it on the table.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Shit.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Just actually let me let me let the let me let the viewers know that he's black. There you go. Okay. Because we always gotta support our quack members.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Okay, well, get back to the Quack Live.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Okay. All right, let's B B put that bitch in reverse. Make America quack again!

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Oh my god. It's our mother. We get to take over it. We can take over this time. I am almost tempted to brand a shirt, uh brand like hats. Yellow hats.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

You know how fucking crazy that would be? That'd be kind of fire, Loki.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

I mean, low-key, black people with yellow hats.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

If you want that hat, put that shit in the motherfucking chat. If you want that hat, put that shit in the chat and we'll make it for you.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

I'm not gonna lie. I am not gonna lie. I would definitely look that up for myself. I would I I would come every time in the studio. I don't care what length my hair is at, I'd probably walk in there with this with it on. All right. But today, since it's Pride Month, it's also important to remember certain things. And we're gonna make a we're making sure this month we take a specific um focus to some important parts of our community. And one of those things is mental health.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

Okay. Segway, you better come on through, Segway. Okay. Oh my God. Oh, that's what I should say, because our friend reminded me of this uh disclaimer we are not mental health experts at all. Yeah. So if you're looking to us for mental health advice, we're not for that. Yeah. Okay. We are just giving our perspective and our experiences on mental health and what um what we know about mental health. We are not experts. Yeah. So do not we're not experts.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

I can say legally I'm not expert, but I mean give it to me. If you talk to me, I'll give you advice. I won't follow that advice at all, but I'll give it to you. So hey.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

So mental health, like what was your first like encounter with a mental health? Like when it started to become like something that you were like, oh, I need to maintain this or I need to like take care of this.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Oh man, I can't even think. Like, um especially in the last few years for sure, but it's certainly like maybe like around 2018, 2020. Oh yeah, especially 2020. Um is when it was like that year of just like learning about maybe how I take care of myself matters. Right. Um and I think when 2024 came around is when I really take a took a focus to it. Um and that's when I started therapy. Okay. So, and counseling actually has been uh wonderful. I I definitely need to focus up on a lot of different things, I would say. But sure enough, my self-confidence and my ideas have helped me pave the way for me to have better people in my life, to be around more positivity, more more good things.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

And it's important. You got something right here on your face. What's that? It's like a piece of fuzz. Oh, alarm went off.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Alarm went off, cancel the trip. Right. Can we get it?

SPEAKER_03 13:06

No, you already got it.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Oh, did I? Yeah, I can't get it. Okay, you're digging. Yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

You digging it, man. You're digging it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

But that was that was basic basically it. Especially I was living with my dad for a long time, and I he was definitely affecting it. Like, my dad's a great man, quote.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

A good way or a bad way?

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Huh? Like he was affecting my mental health in a bad way. Like it was not great. Like, I'm not gonna get too deep into craziness or whatever, but it was just like I definitely realized like he's contributing a lot to a lot of insecurities and doubts and stuff like that. And I was like, dang, I really want to get out of this. And that 2024 was when I made the step. Like that that February is when I made the step to like I'm going to pursue life in the way I need to, and learn about myself, take the next couple of years and learn about myself and do what I need to do. And I just kind of made the this decision to to move out. And it was very spontaneous, and he wasn't very happy with that at the time. But it was just like when I that was like me finally reflecting on everything that I've been through in my life at up to that point, and I was just like, you know what, I gotta make this change for myself. And so throughout the last couple of years, it's like mental health, I've been focusing on treating myself better, actually doing a morning routine. So that in itself is like big for me. Because before being a guy, I'm not gonna lie, I just kind of woke up being uh conventionally attractive, I think. I got to just wake up in the morning, go out of the house, and like I'd look fine. So I'm like, I don't really care too much. But then I realized how important it is to actually take care of yourself because it's it has that mental capacity, that mental um effect on you, where it's like, this actually makes me feel better about myself, makes me feel more confident, makes me feel like I'm doing something for myself.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

And there have just been a lot of things very in the last couple of years where I'm just like, yeah, I need to pursue that more. And I would say I'm very far from where I would want to be with mental health, um, because I'm still definitely struggling in a lot of different ways. But um in most recent times, I think I'm finally at a place where I am about to start truly loving myself in the way that I've wanted to since 2018. Like when I used to think I had I knew the idea of what it meant to love yourself, and now I understand. Oh gosh. And you know what helps you really find those things? Video games.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

I'm serious. I thought this was about to be sentimental, be like, oh, friends. I'm sentimental. Okay, yes, there that's no, it's the way. No, it's talking about video games. No, it's okay, talk about video games. It's okay. It's okay. Fuck me.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Crazy, fuck you, huh? Right. I'm trying. Don't forget to ship Trevor, Trey, and JJ. Ship Trey and JJ together in the chat. Um, but no. Video games have a lot of different experiences, and one of the most important games to me, um, at my early age of 18 was a game called Celeste. And that game was generally about um self-realization, that sort of thing of just like the Liat motif or light motif, I say Liat motif, I need to stop doing that. The motif of the whole game was like mirrors and reflecting on yourself and reflecting on what the parts that you like, the parts you don't like, that sort of thing. And in the end, Madeline, the main character of that game, became stronger because of accepting herself instead of pushing herself away. And that message resonated me, resonated with me back then when I first played the game, and it resonated resonated with me. Now, when I replayed the game in the last few months, and I was just like, damn, oh my god. It's crazy how that message isn't entirely new. Yeah, but it's just like it's I reinvented it. Like I went back to something I previously experienced and reinvented what this game means to me and that sort of thing. And it's just like all of not all video games, but video games nowadays, especially more modern video games, can have that experience on you where you just kind of like re-experience something. And it's like, holy shit. So give it a try. Give it a try with uh a lot of different games. I recommend some, but you know, then we'd be here all day.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

So yeah, if you're low on mental health, play video games. How about that? Shut up, play video games. That's what he just said.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Basically What's help you with mental health though? Let me know.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Yeah, so yeah, 2020 was a year. 2020. 2020 was a year. I feel like, like I said, I think 2020 new vision and shit like that. Cause I feel like a lot of things, like I said, there were a lot of bad things that came up from 2020, but there were some good things also as well. Oh my god, yes. Yeah, like crazy stuff. I remember being in the house that whole time with my parents because in the middle of college, and it was just crazy. I just remember it was just a crazy ass time. Like there was a fucking earthquake in Winston, like in Green, like the central the triad, there was a little earthquake. You don't remember that? I do not at all. There was an earthquake here? Yes. In Greensboro in Greensboro. It was like, it was you could feel it in Winston too. It was probably like the whole Piedmont triad.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

You know at the time I wasn't, I was in Greensboro. So like I actually was in Greensboro. So I'm like, I how did I not?

SPEAKER_03 18:36

I was in Winston. Oh, you were in Winston? Yeah, I was in Winston, I think. So that's where you felt it. The whole house was just shaking. I was like, what the fuck? And in my ass, the whole house was just shaking. I woke- it woke me up. I was like, what the fuck is going on? And I had my ass like, well, that's 2020. I went right back to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Crazy shit.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Did you knew it was an earthquake when you Yes, I was like, I know this ain't no damn earthquake right now. I know this ain't no damn. Y'all can look it up. The fucking Greensboro, Winston.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

The month.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

I don't remember. I remember the year. It was 2020. Oh, I know that. I'm talking about like was it like when we first went through? It might have been the summer. It might have been the summer of 2020. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Easy. I feel like I would have remembered something that crazy. In Greensboro, especially, because we don't have anything here. We don't have anything. Bitch, you have tornadoes and shit. Have you been here and not got your house blown away?

SPEAKER_03 19:26

No, but there's been multiple tornadoes that are like flown through Greensboro. But anyways, okay. Anyways, anyways. Yeah. So with that, uh, like I said, I was in the house and I remember I was like, I want to pick up reading again. Okay. And so I did it for a little bit. Dropped it. Um But I the few books I did read, one major book that I like that I like to read was I'm gonna fuck up the title. I can't wait. Can't look it up. Yes, I can. The Black Guide to Mental Health. Barnes and Noble, where you find this book at? It was, I think I found it. Well, here we go. The unapologetic guy to black mental health. Bitch, I should have brought the book. I don't know why. Did you like steal that? And you were like, No, I didn't steal it, but I was like, okay, I was thinking like the word quack AF. Yeah. Quack being black and queer. AF unapologetically, as fuck. Like, we're just that. That's not our title.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Don't think about that, but yes.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

What?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

We don't want to say as fuck. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. AF. Quack AF. That's what it is. Keep it uncensored. Right. Keep it uncensored.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

And so I remember reading that book, and I was like, oh, this is interesting to learn about. If you have a chance, pick it up, read it. I need to finish it. I haven't finished it yet. Where did you stop? Like towards the end, it was like, like I said, that that same year. I was I was in it. I was talking about in there. Like I was reading the book, and it just it was just interesting to see kind of like the stigma behind black mental health and the um the reasons why we don't talk about it as much and how we should talk about how to go about it with our colloquialisms, with our like our our vernacular, how to talk about it. Like it was just interesting. It was an interesting read. Um but then I think I just stopped. I need like you said, I need to stop doing his thing, like the Kamal Kamala's book, 107 Days. I started reading that, dropped that book, I didn't start talking doing that. And he's like, pick a book and finish it.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I mean, reading is actually, let me not say this so lightly, but reading is hard. It's like, especially for people like us, um, where it's like, hey, you gotta focus on this thing and you gotta be in it.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

KDH D.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yeah, I knew it was coming.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

They come up with a term, they came up with that term like what, yesterday or something?

SPEAKER_03 21:57

We're like, oh, how's it doing buzzword? KDHD. So that's why I prefer an audiobook. Like if I have an audiobook, I can listen to an audio book. You know why? Because I can multitask.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Right there.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Walk around, fix dinner. Like I can do stuff when I'm listening to an audio book. But having to sit down and read, I know you bitches are like, this these bitches really.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

These bitches are crazy. Right. You know what I'm about to say. What? I'm about to be like, I would, I need you to prefer to only read that book by itself. No audiobooks. I feel like that's cheating. It's the same way that I feel about autocorrect and that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

I won't even start on that. I'm going to start on that.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Like, I just, you, I try and discipline myself to be like, okay, we need to make sure that we actually think about these things. And so it's like, I don't want to, if I want to read a book, I do want to actually practice just focusing on that because you get so used to doing so many different things at one time, and then all your your thoughts get in the head of headspace of just like, uh, I should be doing something else right now. I could do something else while I'm doing this. Uh uh. I'm like, we need to chill. Sometimes we need to just like slow down and just that one activity. Yes. Okay. We need to practice that for just like future reference. Yeah. You ate that. That's just my mindset. It's just how I think about those things. Because it's just like, golly, I just my mind just moves a mile a minute. And it's just so now.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Yeah. So I was reading that book and I stopped. Yeah. But it was a good read. I think it was a good, really good read. So you had a chance to get it, get it, and read it. Um I want this now. And so it was, I was also in the house, and like you when you're in the house, yeah, we're not used to being with our family for that long of a philosophy time. Like, unwarranted. Like it was like for vacation for like holidays. So you come, you say, hey, and then just for when you're about to start getting irritated at each other, right? All right, bye, I'm about to go. I wish. Like it was like that. You know what I mean? That's how I felt. But living with them again, it was just like, and I'm an adult, or I'm becoming an adult. I'm like, I need to get the fuck out of this.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

You've had that freedom and that taste of freedom where you've been with someone stripped away.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Oh, because of some damn bad. Some damn bad shit.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

I forgot what the release, but shit. We don't need to go conspiracy theories. No details on the book. We do not need to go into conspiracy theories. I don't want to. I don't want to. We'll talk about it off camera. But we do not need to go into no. Okay. Okay. But yeah, it was it was interesting because it was like having to be back in that space again where I had this freedom. Like now I don't have this freedom, and it's I have to tell them where I'm going. I don't let them know where I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Your parents are like that.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

I mean, yeah, because I mean I think they're probably concerned because the COVID was going around anyway. But still just having to do that again, I was just like, oh shit. No. Um but eventually, so I moved out for different, I think for different mental health reasons. But I think in recent years, mental health has become more like less stigmatized. Yeah. And more, not a buzzword, but like it's becoming more, like there's more buzzwords coming out. Like, oh my god, I'm overstimulated. Like people are saying that shit all the time. Oh my god, I'm overstimulated. And I'm just like, I don't think you overstimulate. You might be overwhelmed, maybe, but I think when it comes to overstimulation, I feel like it's a different kind of different definitions.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

That's kind of what I hate about it when you there are actually genuine, like good trends, and then people like overuse that shit. They abuse it to where it's like an excuse for everything. And I'm just like, there, if you want to have this space to where that is a freedom that you have, you need to make sure you use it responsibly instead of applying it everywhere. And having friends like that where they would have excuses for everything, and they use stuff like that. And it's like your what is it, what is that famous thing? There's a thing where it's like your past is something you went through, but it's not an excuse for what you do now. Like you it your past is the reason why you do what you do now, but it's not an excuse for why you do what you do now. So it's like treating other people. That's another reason why mental health is important, because understanding how to treat yourself means you understand how to treat others better. Because you understand, like, hey, other people sympathy for other people and their feelings and what that sort of thing. And that's just again where it was just like I I just and reminded of friends who um were very interesting about their mental health and were not the happiest when they treated me with any type of false respect. We're gonna put a pin in that.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Sorry, I gotta. We're gonna talk about that. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

I don't have that. Okay. But um going back to me. Um we were like you said, I moved out as soon as I graduated from college. And not a lot of people do, I don't think that's the standard. I think some people do that, but I don't think everybody does that. Like move out. As soon as you graduate.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Oh, you crazy. I need money as soon as you graduate. I got a career.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

I got a job teaching here in High Point. I've been at that job since this is probably my fifth year coming up now. Oh shit. I didn't know it was that long. Yeah, it has been that long. Holy shit. Bitch. It's running. Oh, do not say something decade would come up quick. Right. So um, yeah, it's it was interesting and to move out. I didn't I didn't face, I didn't seem, it didn't seem like I didn't know, okay. Not a lot of people did what I did, so no, I didn't know what I was doing, but like I just went out on like the faith of like, I know I want to get this job, I know I'm gonna have this money, I'm gonna have this job secure. I had a lot of faith. I had a whole lot of faith. And um I don't want to say I had faith in God, but like because I feel like my relationship with God is okay, so yeah, we're back. Technical difficulties for a second. Do you remember anything? Yeah, I remember what I was saying. I was saying that I I don't want to say I had faith in God because I don't know, like at that time, like did I have faith in God or did I have more faith in my plans? You know what I mean? And I I'm saying that because I don't want to limit like what what God had for me, I guess. Because I feel like I just had more faith in the plan and I put more faith in the God and uh in God and like I need to I need to work on that and put more faith in God. But like I think God gave me the ability to make a plan for a reason. But they always say, like, if you want to make God laugh, say make a plan or something, right? Or something like that. Something like that. Interesting, okay. But yeah, so I like I said got a job, got my career, and I planned it out to where I knew I planned out a lot of stuff. Like my um my college um plan, yeah, like my classes, I took the little um graduate book and I looked and saw, okay, what class I need to take, and I figured out when I need to take them and when I need to take them because my my mentor at the time, he knew what he was talking about, but he was like, You need to take this class. I was like, no, I don't, because that's not on the plan. He's like, Oh, you're right. And so, like, it was a little stuff like that. Like, like stuff like that. That definitely shows you that you need to be planning for your job. Right. So it's just like little stuff like that to make me like, okay, he made me a planet for God made me a planet for a reason. So I should have some faith in the plan, but I also have some faith in God. Like, I just a lot of the stuff I just imagined what would happen, and it it ended up happening according to plan. I can't say it was all my plan just because I planned it, because if God didn't make me the person I was, then I wouldn't be able to make the plan anyway.

SPEAKER_04 30:11

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

So in college, just going back segue back to college and mental health, like you were talking about you were in therapy.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

I actually, that reminds me, I did do counseling while I was here at college. Yeah. I did too. Okay, how was that for you actually?

SPEAKER_03 30:26

I feel like counseling was just that to help you make sure that you graduated on time. And no wonder. And I just and I don't feel like they were they weren't therapists. Like I like talking to them and it was fine and dandy, but I don't think they were built for they weren't built for trauma. They weren't built for these type of things that I'm dealing with now that I talk about with my therapists. I think it was like literally just to provide a space for you to like talk about your issues. Right, so that you can graduate on time.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Like that's what that was for. That's what I think. That's probably what I should have realized when I went there because they oof. I was with a one um counselor, and yeah, I remember to get into it a little bit, not to segue too far from you, but I was with uh a counselor for like a whole semester or whatever, right? And it got into the second semester of my last year. And during that period, I think they were gonna stop counseling. And right before, like right before my final session, my um boyfriend at the time broke up with me. Oh and yo, she did not help me at all. It was really bad. And like I I'm I know now though, they they they probably weren't really equipped for like a lot of that stuff. Yeah. They were just kind of like learning, I guess, in a sense of like that type of space.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Right. So I feel like they weren't they weren't there to deal with my problems and unpack trauma and unpack all this shit. Yeah. I feel like they were just there so that I can have an open space to talk about the stuff I was going through on campus. Yeah. So that I can get through and graduate. That's what I think. Um and they they were needed, like it was necessary. Um, but I don't even know why I thought I needed to go into counseling, but I was like, I need to go into counseling.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

And make sure, huh? I'm sorry. Uh I said I was pushed. By who? Like, okay, more so the idea of counseling was like, I forgot. I think I had a friend who at the time had done it, and then they were like, Yeah, you need to do this. And you know, multiple friends started saying stuff like that. And I was like, I guess you guys right.

SPEAKER_03 32:46

So yeah, I mean, I always was like, I need to get help, I need to just get help. I don't know why. I just that was just naturally interesting.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

You just felt that.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

Yeah, I needed to talk to somebody. Maybe because going back to the TikTok video, if I felt like I was always the one to internalize my problems, what if I had a professional around me helping me and not helping internalize helping me unpack my problems with them with a professional? Maybe that's why I thought I need always need help. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 33:22

Sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Okay, you won't believe I was right there with you, and then my brain was like, everything left.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

I was like, okay, cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Um, but yeah, just sorry, you said the TikTok and how you felt what again?

SPEAKER_03 33:39

How I felt like I need to like I was the only one that could take care of my problems. Oh I thought maybe doing with a professional, I would be like, oh, okay, this is someone that I can trust and do it. But not a lot of people and not a lot of black people think that way. Oh, yeah. They hold on to a lot of stuff. We hold on to a lot of stuff. That's kind of how you're doing it. We don't trust a whole lot of doctors. We don't trust a whole lot of strengths. We don't trust, we don't trust a whole lot of like in that medical field, whatever. Is that why I am the way I am?

SPEAKER_00 34:10

It could be, it could be passed down, yeah. Cause I definitely do not like, I don't like hot well, I won't say I like I don't like hospitals, but I don't trust doctors. I don't like uh Yeah, I have a little bit of an issue with hospitals.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

So I I have my own like history with hospitals that I don't like either. Um like personal history. Um and it's just like I've I've been in hospitals for mental reasons. I'm gonna say it out loud. Yeah and it's they were rough ass times for me to like be going through what you're going through but not per se in your right mind and experiencing a hospital setting because it's just like with other people that are not in the right mind. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just like it's just it's not it's not cool, it's not it's very scary, I think. And just looking back on it, because I remember most of everything that was going on, it was not cute, and I don't think we've talked about this at all.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

I've never really heard these words from you. I've just heard like kinda what you were going through at the time.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Because I don't I don't talk about a whole lot with my friends. I need to do it more, but it wasn't a good time, and it was a it was for like I said, for mental health reasons, it's because I wasn't taking care of myself. Um I was like I said, I'm a teacher, and if you're listening, you're a teacher, you understand. Like it's just the job can just suck a whole lot of shit out of you. Yeah. Like a whole lot of shit. Your mental can get strained like every single day because you and you have to come in like it's not, because you're in front of kids every day. Like that are that deserve and have a right to an education from a person that is willing to give it to them, you know what I mean? And I don't want to get in the way of that for students for other kids.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Yeah, and unfortunately the job doesn't really provide a lot of space for you to for you and your emotions and whatever you're going through.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

Right. And so it's it's it's a very taxing job. And so like I don't even take my mental health as seriously as I need to now, to be honest. Um, I need to take it more seriously. Like, I need to, like I said, have a mental have a morning care routine. Like, I don't I bitch, I get up and go. I get the fuck up out of bed, hurry up and put on clothes, do my little one-two, and I get out and I go. I've seen. Yeah. And I need to maybe get more back into that. Like I said, I don't when I'm in the summer, like I said, summer uh Trey, completely different person. Summer tray. Just listen to that. Don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck about nobody or nothing except for me.

SPEAKER_04 37:03

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

And it's because I'm off, like bitch, I've been working, having to give my I give my to give my arm to these 30 kids in front of me at all times. It's like exhausting. It is exhausting. Yeah, it's mentally exhausting and draining. Like I said, I I know for a fact it's not the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life, like teaching. Oh yeah. No, I get that. It's it's I can't even imagine. I'm I'm I'm about to do like how the military is. You put in your time, and then when you're done, you're done. You don't go back in, you don't say, Oh, I'm bored, let me go back into the fucking military. Who get the fuck is bored? Right. So I'm gonna be, I'm gonna get my little time, get my little service or whatever, and then call it a day.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

Okay. Well, luckily for them, they have their paychecks monthly, don't they? Compared to where a teacher's like, you off? Good luck.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

Right. And so I I have to save up money for the summer when I'm not getting paid. Yeah. Which I mean, it's fine by me. I just know how to save. But if you're not like budget financially budget or budget friendly or whatever, it might be hard for you to save, but you can do it with them. I think they're I think they're starting to take that away though too, where they would save money for you. They're starting to take that away.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

But is that a 401k?

SPEAKER_03 38:17

No, no. With teaching it's different. They just have it where they can take your 12-month check. Sorry, they can take your 10-month check and turn it into a 12-month check by you taking out money from the the the 12 the from each month and saving it so that you can have months you can have money for the two months that we don't get paid.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, it's only well, is it only two months?

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Yeah, because we get paid for 10 months and we don't get paid for those two months.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:45

So they say just save that money for then and then they give it to you.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Okay. Right. They give it some like installments. But they're gonna take the they're gonna take away that that service.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Yeah, that's what I've been hearing around from my teacher friends. Like, they've been saying they're gonna take that away. I'm like, bitch, what the fuck? But like I said, I don't use it because I just save. I save it my own self. You're a real bitch. Right. I'm a bad bitch. I bite.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Beat it up all night. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

Um and so I just save money and I just I just save the money so I don't have to worry about them taking care of it or whatever. I just I just have it.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Yeah. Uh I do want to say, uh when it comes to mental health and actually related to what you went through with hospitals and whatnot, I did not experience this myself, luckily. Um, but I had a friend who at the time when I was in college, she was terrified of hospitals. And her mental health got to a point where she needed to be in one. And not only was that experience traumatizing for her, but it was costly. Like it cost so much money.

SPEAKER_03 39:51

Fuck. Didn't even think about that. I didn't even talk about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

And I I I still remember the night. It was so late in the night when she had called me crying on the bus at the D at the bus depot, crying and telling me how terrible after so long of not seeing her and finally hearing her voice again. It was, it was like devastating hearing her voice again. And I was like, God, that really changed her. Yeah. I mean, you know, I it's moments like that, you pray. It's it's rough.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

Like going through all that, and you're saying that she was afraid of hospitals, and now she's a trauma of being in a hospital.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

And didn't treat her right.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Like, I mean Oh, they didn't treat her right?

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Oh, well, I don't okay. I won't say they won't didn't treat her right more. I won't speak on that because I wasn't really, I don't really remember that part, but I just know like when it comes to it, she didn't have a good experience with there.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

And then you gotta pay for all that. Yeah. Like the bills out the fucking wazoo. There are words to say that I can't say on the podcast for that shit, because what the fuck is that? Yeah, it's like you said, I finally got debt free like sometime last year, I think. Debt free from like your The hospital time when I was in the hospital, yeah. Like it took me like it took me two, it took me like three years to pay off the first bill, and it took me like two years to pay off the second bill.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

So what happens if you don't like don't pay that shit? Like, did it kill you?

SPEAKER_03 41:17

It fucks up your credit. Damn it. I think.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

You think? I think it fucks up your credit. You better be really strong about that, you think, cuz if it don't, hey, we're running.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

It's not like if you it transferred over to your kids, too. Like the debt That sort of thing. Yeah, it just that's what I've heard. I don't know. I don't know what was just student debt. If you're saying that shit to say that shit. Who scare you who?

unknown 41:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

But it definitely I think it definitely goes to your kids if you don't pay it off.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

Like any debt you really have, like student loans and sort of stuff like that. Dang. I can't wait and I have any offspring then. They're gonna have to.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Yeah, I mean, like it's making me a rangent. That's the new word. Ramble on a tangent. Um but I don't I'm rethinking if I really want to have kids or not. Oh, this is a conversation right here. Because uh, first of all, the mental health.

SPEAKER_02 42:10

The mental health.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

No way. But no, but like just if you want to have kids, you want to have good kids, like you want to raise good kids, it takes a lot, man. It takes a lot of effort.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

Who are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Mindpower, like mental capacity, like it takes a lot to raise a child, like in a a good way. I think I think.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

My job has shown me a lot of great people who take care of people with children with disabilities. And that is an insane feat. Right. I think that is what helped me realize, like, yo, I don't think I can do that and and like support another human being in the way that you need to. I especially, at least where I'm at right now mentally, I'm like, yeah, no. I don't think kids are in the cards for my future. But like, it's just dang, that's so much dedication to all the parents and stuff like that. Um, you guys ruined right.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Yeah, Mother's Day, Father's Day, yep. Father's Day's coming up this month. It is coming up this month. It is coming this month. Daddy's month, Daddy's Day.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

If it were my decision, I prefer my kids in liquid.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Oh my god. Oh my god. That's weird. We need to talk about that eventually.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Oh my gosh. Oh, yes. Can it be like the Friday episode? Sure. No, I'm not episode. I'm not spoiling an episode. Okay, okay. It's whole, I'm just saying, I'm thinking now, like, um, this month, this whole month is about gay stuff. So it's like, oh my gosh, guys, all our gay stuff for this this whole month is gonna be a gay. I mean, we're all talking about gay, but like extra gay.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Oh we were talking about the topics yesterday, and then we were realizing like, hmm, you know, all these things kind of like fall into each other. And then it's like They're like all the gay experience. Right. And then that last thing's gonna be like the fun gay experience.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

Yeah. So we're like so we're gonna record we're we're gonna rec shit. We're gonna be recording. And we're gonna be consistent. We're gonna be releasing an episode every single week, this whole month, this whole fucking Pride month. So this episode's coming out on this upcoming Friday. Yeah. So yeah. Look forward to it, bitch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Or you're calling a uh viewers.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

If they're into that. If they're into that, oh they might be, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

Bedroom voice. Right, right, right. I have straight. I'm sorry. I have five friends who are straight who watch this. It's like so weird. Yeah. Shout out to y'all.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

So so basically going back to our topic, like I I am now in therapy. Oh. I am still in therapy.

unknown 44:49

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

Yeah, it used to be free. $50. New insurance. Now it's fucking $15 a session. I'm like, what the fuck? I used to do I I'm not gonna say the company. I used to go through another company that was like online and virtual. But they were I think it was like $200 a month or something like that. Like I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_00 45:09

Straight to your pocket.

SPEAKER_03 45:10

Yes. I'm like, this is this is a bill. Even a whole nother bill. Insurance. I don't think they had insurance. I don't think they took insurance. They took insurance. Oh, okay, okay, okay. That's how that works. Okay. And I guess it's for if people that don't have insurance that you, if you I guess maybe, okay. I it was BetterHelp. Uh-oh. BetterHelp. And I guess I don't know if they didn't take insurance. I just didn't put the insurance in, but like I feel like maybe it is for people that don't have insurance that you just you just pay out of pocket for therapy. That's that's one resource that you can use. The resource that I used was after BetterHelp was, and there's nothing I have nothing against BetterHelp. It would just expand I hate your ads. Okay. We might get sponsored, so let's just Oh, oh, I love your ads, I love your ads.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Yay!

SPEAKER_00 45:56

I love BetterHelp.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

But yeah, it was it was it was it was good for the time that it was. And I think that if I didn't have insurance and I was able to pay out of pocket, I would use BetterHelp.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Okay. Um the $200 a month, though. That's what you said?

SPEAKER_03 46:13

Yeah, I think it was about $200 a month. Okay, okay, real, real. As opposed to not having as opposed to having insurance and paying. Now I'm paying $15 a session. I meet $15, I meet four times a week. So that's what $60? Oh, well, you're asking me to do math right now. That's $60 a year. That's $60 a year. Right. So it's it's yeah, it's it's it's an option. The option that I use, I think it was called Psychology Today. These names. I think that's what it's called. Let me look it up. Again, we are not sponsored by them. We're not sponsored. No, we are not. We're just um yeah, I think it was Psychology's Day. And I was able to look up and basically do like a filtering system to find a therapist because I wanted my therapist to be black and gay.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

Oh, yeah. Yes. And you actually did find that.

SPEAKER_03 47:03

Yeah, I found that he's bad bitch. Okay. So he shout out to him. Um sexy ass. Right. Oh, no. That's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 47:14

I can say it.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

He's not my client. Yeah. But yeah, he like just somebody to talk to and give idea, like give my ideas, bounce off ideas and vent to, and with a professional, with strat give me strategies that I can use to better live my life and to change the thought processes that I have so I'm not coming into so I don't have this anxiety circle or whatever. Yeah, I think it's I think it's good.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

So, question. Yeah. Before him, did you have a therapist? Yeah. What what were they? Were they along the lines also being black and gay?

SPEAKER_03 47:52

He was also black and gay. I don't know how it just happened to fall like that. He also was um black and gay. He was into I I don't know if he was gay for sure. I'm assuming. Are you just doing okay? Gate artists. But he was talking about gay shit. What the fuck is gay shit? Like he was talking about uh I can't say RuPaul? No. We can't say RuPaul. He was just saying things that made me, oh, you're a sister. You're a sister. Sis. You were just clocking. Right, right, right, right. So that first therapist, he was a little bit older too. And so he he couldn't. It was okay. It was an okay fit.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

I just had to I asked because I'm wondering if you had any do you have did you have any experience with a therapist or a counselor who was not black or gay? Yeah. The counselor at the college.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

I'm not counting that. Okay, so no. Well, hold on. The first counselor that I had, she was a white woman. Okay. She was alright, but again, going into it, looking back, I'm like, oh, it was just for me to get through college. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I can't really count it as. But the next one I had was shout out to Miss Was it Bernice? No, it was what was her name? Because it used to be a song. Me, Mrs. Mrs. Jones. And I love. You had to sing the whole ass song. I did have to sing the whole ass song. I did copyrighted, bitch. I'll do it now. But it was, it was, it was Miss Jones. And she was, and I every time I came up to her to see her, I was always singing that song. That's the reason why I sung that song. Because she was this, I it was just it was great. I was able to talk to her, and she I didn't feel like rushed. I didn't feel like I didn't feel like I was just there to graduate. Like I feel like she was actually listening to me and hearing what I was saying. Dang. So shout out to her too.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

She told me about Mr. Jones.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

What?

SPEAKER_00 49:43

So did you not get counseling at the college? I did. And that's that's what I the experience I was telling you about, where it was like the counselor that I had. Um it helped open my eyes better. Right. Okay, so if I were to recount my um therapy/slash counseling history, it goes a lot further back because um back when in 2010 I had a therapist after um some during foster care. During foster care I had a therapist. And that was actually, as I learned later in life, it was actually a really bad experience. Um she would tell me that she would keep everything confidential between us and anything really dangerous, you know, that would probably be something she would share. Right. But something as personal as telling her, like, hey, uh, when I see a vent, I get scared there's a monster up there. My family at the time, they re told me that, and I was like, I only told one person that. And so hearing something that personal happened, I was like, mm, that's interesting. And then I had a situation happen where essentially I was accused of stealing her credit card, and that whole situation was insane. I was gaslit to a high degree, and I didn't know how to know how to handle it. I was like 12, 13, I did not know what to do. So I didn't do a lot of, I was like, damn. Um it was very interesting. And I I just realized she was a really bad therapist, so that was one. And then the counselor at school, I was like, you know, it it helped open my eyes to what like therapy could be for me. But it also in my most vulnerable moment where I really needed something that could support me, it did not provide much. And I was like, well, that sucks. And with the therapist that I have now, I have gotten a lot more from it than I did with the previous ones. A lot more just like groundwork done subconsciously and consciously. And so I'm like, yeah, okay, I've gotten farther as a person thanks to that. I can say that much. Um But there's still like I guess some caveats. It also I don't pay for anything for any of it. I'm pretty lucky in that regard. But it's also like, yeah, if I could have um better therapy, more more therapy that focused on helping me figure out strategies to actually pursue things in the same way yours does, then that would be great. Um I have only I just noticed this. I've only had white women as a therapist. I've never really That's your problem right there. Oh my god. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 52:24

But I've never actually had So you've never had a male black, you've never had a male, you've never had a black person either. No. Miss Jones is black. Yeah. I never had that's your that's the problem. Okay, so I'm not literally but kind of joking real time. Yeah, I do what you get what you mean. To have somebody that has and shares some of your lived experiences is a comp it's a is a game changer. Yeah. As opposed to someone that has almost little to know or even the opposite of your experience, to try and how about say therapize you. Help you navigate between you therapy. Like, it's it's not it's not gonna be conducive because as a white woman, you don't know a lot of what I go through. You might share some of my experiences, maybe because you are a woman, like it's being ostracized, I guess. But you still have white privileges that we don't have as black men. Like you don't get to walk into a store and then they think we're about to steal some shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just the those fundamental things that like someone that's not you, a black person or a black male or whoever would not be able to help you with.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Now, in that regard, which is why it's a very interesting point now, because I'm like thinking like uh I can't really say in the same regard as you, where a lot of my life I was very colorblind.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

So it was like a lot of experiences. If I did experience any discrimination for my race or anything like that, I definitely didn't feel it. I don't have any memories because I don't I didn't really feel any like I didn't get discriminated against in the way that a lot of black people usually are, I will say. Gayness, that was a more large part of my life than uh being black was. Um so I want to I want to look at this the perspective of just like is in the in the regard of what you just said, it's like empathy, I think. Was it empathy or sympathy? Where a person can actively understand you what you're going through or only sympathize with. Empathy, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:37

Empathy is, I think it has a better connotation. So I'm thinking you're thinking about that.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

Okay. Because in the way that you're describing, it's like um white people can only sympathize, but black people can like actually empathize. I feel it, yeah. Yeah. And so it's just like, is that the regard where it's like that's why it's important to maybe have someone of your race? Or are isn't are people who are not of our race or of our orientation, are they not able to help us with other things that may not even be related to our our struggle? Like that's a thing where it's like, how important is that to therapy? You know, that's uh how does that how does that fall down?

SPEAKER_03 55:14

Me personally, I think it's very important, especially if it's thinking about like one-on-one sessions and stuff like that. I mean, I even see it in teaching, like there is a high number of white women as teachers right now, currently, just everywhere, not even just my school, just period everywhere. There's not a lot of black males. Yeah, who are the people that are mostly in ISS? Black males. Like it's and who are the ones that are mostly in OSS? Black males. Who's the mostly in prison? Black males. It's just it's just it's it's a it's a pipeline that starts at school. It's a school. There's a whole thing about the school to prison pipeline that you just that you realize that it's possibly because it's mainly because there's not a lot of people that look like us in schools. Like Yeah, in the same position. In the same position. Yeah, like my friend's my friend's roommate um just got fired from a daycare. He's a black male. I don't know why he got fired, I don't know what he got for.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

That was my next question.

SPEAKER_03 56:23

I don't know what he got fired for, but I'm just like, especially as a black male in daycare, there needs to be more black males in daycare. And like I said, this is this all goes to miss out. But just having somebody have your lived experience is a lot it's a lot easier to learn from them and to empathize with them than someone that has nothing and even maybe an opposite like experience, lived experience as you.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Now, even for situations that don't apply to either being black or queer, do you think it's like just as important? Like if I were to just have a situation with something, it like I know situations can like stem from further situations that fall into that, but I'm thinking of just like instances where I'm going through a a struggle and maybe this is gonna be the funniest thing I've ever said. Maybe a white woman can relate to this and can properly um sympathize, empathize, empathy? Empathize empathize with that. And so it's just like, is that I'm I don't even know what the question I really want to ask, but like do you feel like it's possible for that to be a possibility, really? You think it's like a thing where like a uh uh a white therapist could help you more than a black therapist might be able to in some situations?

SPEAKER_03 57:48

I'm just thinking. No. You don't think a white person could help you more than a black person? Okay, not.

SPEAKER_00 57:56

Well, not okay. Let me actually not say In some again, I do just meet in some situations. Like I really think me personally Like I'm all am I like I I I very much am trying to just understand the idea of just like we how how significant that is to the thing.

SPEAKER_03 58:14

Because I'm not a textbook. So my issues aren't just textbook issues, they're lived experiences and they're issues that I deal with on a daily basis because of my lived experience, because of my identity, who I am as a person. Yeah. So yeah, a white person could maybe help you with a textbook version of your issue, but they might not be able to help with the lived experience of your issue. That's what I think. That's my personal opinion. I think a black person, I think a queer person, I think a person of color, I think a trans person would have more of a better understanding of your lived experience and would be able to better help you because they share some of your lived experience. That's what I think. Okay. Really? Now, of course, there might be some white woman that is straight that can fucking like it's it's all about culturally relevant therapy. I don't want to say I was gonna say culturally relevant pedagogy because they talk about that all the time in school. Being culturally aware and culturally cognizant of your students and who you're teaching. But there could be a white woman being culturally aware of your experience as well, and and being aware that she cannot always empathize with you, but she can still listen and hear you out, but not judge and like not just cut herself off from that, but like learning from your experience and learning how she can help. Like, there's definitely people like that, but I wouldn't say that all people are like that. As the same thing goes for black people, like just because they're black and gay doesn't mean that okay, I know this is looking real ghetto right now. Second time we've had technical difficulties, we've got the cut out. We're sorry, we're sorry, it's our first rodeo, it's our first radio rodeo doing video. We're doing it all by ourselves, so we are sorry. Yeah, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

Uh, if you want to help us out, uh be sure to tip us on Kofi. Or if you know anything about computers, you can you can please help us out, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:32

Let's listen, though, but we do want to Oh, we were talking about the white one, and eventually we're gonna have to wrap this up.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:36

Yes, and I did uh just to put it out there right quick, uh my therapist is white and a woman, but she is queer, which means she's a lesbian and she's she actually is really cool. She's a very much my vibe, right? Like type person, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:49

So that's what I'm saying. Like, not all white people are like can't help you. Like they can definitely help you. Yeah. Same thing goes for not all black queer people can help you either. Like the, I mean, it's it's it's a it's a um right. It's a spectrum. But I think more personally, you'd be more likely having a better experience with like say you sitting there queer, so I feel like that checks one of the boxes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:21

And so I think that that makes them less scary, that's for sure. Yeah, and it you be for me personally, I feel more comfortable to be myself in front of them because they have they know a lot of things, they know my lingo, they know what I'm about to say, they know my colloquialisms. Yeah, and shit. We're queens, right? I can say I can say that, and they'll understand what the fuck I'm saying. Yeah, that's true. Um, I don't think we're in royalty right now. Like, what are you talking about? Right? That's exaggeration. That's exaggeration, but that's a good ex example. That's an exaggerated example, but that's exactly the example.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:49

Um, but that's this was a really good conversation point, actually. I really loved this. Um thank you for so much for your perspective on that. Because golly. So maybe you need to start considering um a black gay therapist.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:02

Right, and just see, just try it out. Like I said, that's all I was gonna say. Just try it. That's what I was gonna say. If you're not getting out what you want from your therapist, you can you have two options let them know or switch it up. Or switch it up. Exactly. You do not have to stay with your same therapist just because you're getting comfortable with them. Like you can, if you have the money and the means, because that it's also not that does matter. That does matter. If you have the means to, you have the opportunity to go ahead and look for another therapist. Like, I understand your look, yours is free.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:36

Yeah, so it's a bit of an interesting thing. But she's queer though. That's something look up to she's actually pretty cool, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

But if you have the opportunity to look for therapists, shop for therapists, like how I shop for doc I shop for my doctor. My doctor is she's not black and gay, but she's black and she's she's she's black.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

I feel like finding a gay doctor that's I I think the qualifications are more important than the race at that point.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

No, I mean For a doctor, I guess, but again, still I I want to be able to express my lived experiences.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:08

And it would be more I would feel more comfortable doing it with a black person.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:12

Yeah. For like with a doctor.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:14

Like you're being like doctor, like I'm gonna draw your blood shit type shit. No, like talking about what I'm going through and like my like checkups and shit like that, and like what I eat. She'll understand, like said, she'll understand, like, okay, as a black man. Fried chicken. That's right there. No, it was it really wasn't. It really wasn't. Damn, doing June. It really wasn't. Exactly. Yeah. So we're gonna deep dive into that a little bit. We're gonna deep dive into that. I think we should have an episode about race. Uh-oh. Oh shit. We should have an episode about race. Oh shit. Don't save it for February. And we should have somebody on the show with us, I think. Somebody like a professional. I think we should have an actual profession. Professional race, yes. Yes. No. Antiways. But yeah, like she has the cultural awareness of my lived experiences. That's why I think personally it'd be better to have a black doctor as well. Like, fuck qualifications. Not fuck qualifications, but like, yeah, she's still qualified. The fuck. I'm not going to a quack. I'm not going to a quack. Yeah. I'm not going to a quack doctor. Okay. Okay. What you cracking about? Right. But yeah, like it's, it's, it's, it's, I think it's just as important. I think it's just as important as you going to a black therapist and black healthcare, because I someone who is culture culturally aware of my experience. So I don't have to necessarily explain it to them. And I don't have to feel like I need to hide this from them because they are. Like I said, it's just, it's just me personally. Like I said, you, you, you have a different take.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:50

Well, truth be told, I will say this. Last year in October, I got a checkup on my body because I was scared about things. And the guy who worked on me was um Asian doctor, you know, pretty cool. And it was like, it was like he was cool. And last week I went to go get checks checked up for like, you know, diseases or whatnot from a doctor. And she was a black woman. And I can say I felt a lot more comfortable with her. And it was just like a natural thing. That because that's just what it is. Yeah. I'm not too surprised by that. When it's just like, yeah, I guess that does matter to the degree, degree, just like sub even subconsciously, it's like a thing where it's just like, yeah, no, I would I won't want someone to match my vibe.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:30

Exactly. So that's just that's just what it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:33

Yeah, that's really what it is.

unknown 1:05:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:35

Well, this was a really fun episode. Hopefully it was very informative for all of you, as it was for us. But we gotta get quacking.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

So like I said, we are not the end all be all. Like I said, do your own research into mental health and what that means to you and share with us what your morning routines are and so you can share and spread the awareness of mental health. I need some cure skin. I think I'm probably gonna put the I'm just I'm gonna say it on the podcast so I'm gonna actually fucking do it. Holy shit. To put the like mental health hotline on in the notes. I'm gonna do that. Okay, so people have more access to that because I think it's very important. Yeah, please. Um, but yeah, like it's just mental health is serious, y'all. Like you need to take care of yourself. Like, you need to put yourself first sometimes. Like, sometimes you gotta do a little more than just eating pussy, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:26

Huh? You gotta do a little more than just eat pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:28

Right. You just can't be eating pussy all the time. Are you are you? I was like a real belligerent. Are you gay people out there? You just can't be eating pussy all the time. You gotta take care of yourself, okay? Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself, like take care of your mental health. Like, really, like you need to put yourself on the front burner. Fuck putting yourself on the back burner. Please. Put yourself on the front burner, okay? Especially compared to others. Especially. Like, I understand that as a job as your job, whatever your job may entail, you have to put yourself on the back burner sometimes. But when you're off that job, when you're off that clock, bitch, it should be about you and what your health needs. Right. Okay. It should be about you. And you like I said, health, mental health encompasses health. It's not just some thing like in the ether or like, oh, well, it's just a little, man, it's just a part of us or whatever. It's something I can get to later. Right. No, it's a it's a concern. It's a concern. It needs to be a daily concern, a daily commitment to your mental health. Which, like I said, I'm I know I'm not the best person to be preaching that. That's why I said we're not experts. But yeah, like it is something that you should be daily committed to, your mental health.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:36

Yeah. If you give it a better better effort, you can give other people a better effort. That's just like you treat yourself right, you glow, and then people will see that, and maybe they'll be inspired to glow themselves. Absolutely. Glow like is a motherfucking bright ass shirt.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:48

Yeah, he's bright ass shirt.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

Bright ass shirt. So, like you said, if you want some merch, let us know. Um, hit us up on my TikTok, hit us up on our Instagram, hit us up on all of our social media things. Um, if you want more merch, let us know. Tip us on Koffee or Kofi, whatever it's called. Yeah, we'd like to say, we'd like to say we appreciate it. We love to be back. We're so excited to be back.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:13

And don't worry, more to come very soon. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:17

Okay.

unknown 1:08:19

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:20

Is that our like outro? Do we do that all the time? Yeah. Okay, cool. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:27

You're listening to QXC Play Radio. Yeah.