ClarkCast Chapter 12: Tori Bishop is Awesome!

My good friend Tori Bishop lives in The Pass with her three daughters. My former next-door neighbor, Tori, is a former event planner and was one of the co-owners of the popular brand "Gulf Coast Mom." Tori is a motivational speaker and author. She's a lovely human being, and I'm glad she's my friend.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Clark Cast is on the air.

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Tori Bishop, you're uh you're gonna do something cool, you're doing something awesome, which you're always doing something cool or awesome. What's your walk-up music? What's planned when you're walking in a room?

SPEAKER_04 0:13

When I'm walking in a room, it's gonna be uh Living My Life Like It's Golden by Jill Scott.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Right on. Jill Scott. That's it. If too hot food!

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Welcome to Clark Cast. Conversations about life, love, music, and the pursuit of being awesome. Here's your host, Jeff Clark.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Which is the whole basis of the podcast, right? Either you have to be my friend or I find you interesting. And you know, Tori Bishop definitely hits both notes on that, checks both boxes. Um, Tori was my next door neighbor for about a year or so, and we have a lot of good memories of that. Um, Tori was involved with Gulf Coast mom. Uh, she's a motivational speaker, she's you know, most importantly, the mother of three girls and and a son. You know, she has four children. She's uh, you know, just one of the busiest people I know, and I'm just honored that she took a few minutes to do this with me.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Well, I'm honored that you asked me, Jeff.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

And and you are, I saw your eyes. You are a motivational speaker. You motivated my team to all be better. And I appreciate that. They are all so grateful that you came and uh and and spoke at the seminar and uh motivated them. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_04 2:04

Thank you for having me out. That um that stretching me. Um, it is an area that I'm moving into, and so I don't think you realized how you blessed me when you asked me to do it. So I'm just as grateful.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

You know, you you you want to talk about blessings. I I remember um when I found out you had moved next door to me. And you you and I had known one another, we'd met through the aquarium and have a million mutual friends and all of that. But uh you and you and the girls moved next door to us over in in Timber Ridge, and that was just a real blessing, man. You know, I'm so grateful for that.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

Same for us, you never know, like when you move into a new area. You don't know. I mean, Timber Ridge is pretty quiet, I would say. And so um, you know, the house to the left, um, which he's back, he's amazing, um, as well.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

I'm gonna tell a story about that in a moment. And you know what I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

I can't wait. Oh, okay. I can't wait to hear that. But um, but yeah, when we saw, you know, when I saw it was you, like I said, we knew each other in passing, we knew each other's names, but um the time that we've gotten to actually know each other and to know your beautiful family and story. Um, and then the timing that we moved in. Um, you had just had a major heart attack.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

I think I was literally in the hospital when Dana and Charlie took some plants over to you or something.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Like, yeah, they brought us a little welcome plant, which I killed, by the way. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

You know, which was very like that's Dana in a nutshell. She's like so reserved and she has social anxiety. And I mean, I'm not telling her business. She's very open about that, but she's so kind. I remember she went out on her, you know, went out on a ledge and and brought y'all a plan. And you were like, hey, you're Jeff's wife, you know, because y'all hadn't even really met at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Right. And she's always been, I mean, that's just Dana. Um, and I get it. I st um we've talked about that, you know, I struggle sometimes, and people are surprised when they hear me say that I'm really low-key, more of an introvert than an extrovert. Um, I have been in positions that have required me to come out of my shell, but it exhausts me. Um, and you know, from us living next door to each other, the only time I'm like gone a lot is because of my kids. But I would say I'm at home more and I stick, I mean, I'm in the house. Like I enjoy being in my home. Um, but you know, I am in a position where I have to push myself to go out um and socialize. So, but people that are extroverts get energy from being in those crowds of people, you know, whereas me, it does exhaust me. And I do not get energy from being around groups of people.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

You know, I I do, you know, and much much to the chagrin of You're an extrovert. You know, I I 100%. I like to come across like I'm this grumpy, introverted, you know, antisocial guy, but it just like it it doesn't work. You know, what I was gonna tell you about our neighbor. So in Timber Ridge, Mondays was garbage day. So we put our garbage out. We had our, you know where we're going with this. We had our garbage cans, we had our recycling. So I would put my stuff out and I'd come home to get it, and your stuff would always be in. Your cans would be back up under your house, and you would text me and more than once, like, hey, did you put my cans up under the house? And I'm like, No, I'm lazy. I I love you, but I'm not, you know, I could barely got my stuff up the yard. But anyway, I come to find out it was your other next door neighbor. He's a very kind man, and he'd bring his stuff in and bring your stuff in, you know.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

He will not to this day, Jeff, will not let me like if I come home, and then the other day I went and I was like, Where's my trash can? Dude was washing it. I mean, so he just he insists on taking care of me. He's a sweetheart, so that's um that's you know, you got good people. So I've had good people to my left and good people to my right. Um, so and especially with me being here with, you know, just the girls, it's I miss you guys a lot.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Yeah, we miss you too. I mean, we you I you know, I love seeing you and passing, you know, we we would talk, getting into our cars and stuff, but more importantly from that, you know, you mentioned me having a heart attack. One of my goals after I had my heart attack and I started getting healthier and losing weight was to walk the bridge, the Bay St. Louis Bridge. So I did that like once or twice, and I told you about it, and then you started doing it with me. And you and I would get to spend an hour, an hour and 10 minutes together, solve the world problems. I feel like we really got to know each other through through those talks, you know.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

We did, we did, and um actually that walk we took together inspired me. That is um, it was so beautiful. Um, just walking across that bridge. I have walked it many, um, walked and ran it many, many times. Um, and it's just a place of uh refuge and peace for me. Um, so you introduced me to that because I would have never thought um to go to that bridge, but I I do actually I've I'm um it's been a minute since I've done it.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

So I want to do it with you like again soon.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

I'll text you. I'll text you because the weather's good for it right now.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

Yeah, it's perfect. Like I mean, it gets really, really hot up there. You know, yes. I I I I treasure that so much because I feel like that's when you and I like realized like the things we had in common. Like we, you know, we we we really bonded, right? Like we were friends, but I feel like those those walks and those talks like really solidified our friendship, you know.

SPEAKER_04 8:00

Yep, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Me too. And and and you still, you know, you not to put your business out, but you post about it and stuff a lot. You still work out and you're still into exercising.

SPEAKER_04 8:11

Oh, yeah. Uh so I don't have any business that, you know, can't be shared. So you don't have to skirt around that. I'm pretty much an open book. I mean, I've put probably more business out there than than most. But yeah, I I struggled uh, you know, with a weight problem for um, I mean, and still do. I mean, I'm not gonna say I struggle with a weight problem, but I did struggle with a weight problem for the majority of my life. I went on my first diet when I was five. Um, I remembering, I remember going to the doctor and you know, him telling my mom um to change my dietary habits and things like that. And um, so I had a lot, a lot, you know, going on. And um so, you know, especially a woman, we just um sometimes we beat ourselves up. And so I've been in a process now of undoing those bad thoughts and healing from that stuff. So my gym journey has changed. It used to be about transformation and you know, uh trying to lose weight and be a certain size. And now the gym is just like a lifestyle for me. It's something that um I I love my trainer. She might as well be family for me. Um my gym family is is family. I when I work out in a group session, I usually work out um, you know, one-on-one with my trainer. Work out in a group environment. I love everybody there. And it's um it's therapy. It's therapy for me. I I love pushing myself. Um my trainer pushes me really hard. Um, and some people look at us and they're like, y'all are crazy, but they don't know, even though I'm complaining, like deep down, I enjoy it. Um, you know, when she's pushing me to lift weights that um I never thought I'd be able to lift. So yeah, my journey there has definitely been more, um, it used to be superficial, but it's definitely um just a part of my life now. It's just, it's just who I am. And I don't care about, you know, the size anymore. You know, I want to be healthy. I'm not gonna say that, you know, I'm not trying to gain a hundred pounds back. Um, however, I'm not beating myself up mentally so much about trying to chase a certain number on the scale and stuff. It's bigger than that for me.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

Right on. I mean, I I I I get it. You know, I I I I'm terrified of gaining weight or putting, you know, like I tell Dana I I worked really hard to get this eat this eating disorder, you know.

SPEAKER_04 10:47

And I'm just I'm kidding. I mean, I don't I know you are Jeff, but I really I I respect your discipline. And I remember on our walk, you were talking about, you know, you had to make a life decision, right? Because this heart attack wasn't your first issue. And so you had to make a life decision, and you told me that you just look at food as fuel, you know, and you don't know that that motivated me in a way because, you know, for somebody that uh food for me was like a drug. And the hard part about having a food addiction is you have to eat, right? Like, so you know, it's almost like one of the worst ones to have because I mean it's yeah, if you're a meth head, like I don't need meth to live, you know, but I need food to live. And so, but I've trained myself, you know, from a young age to use it as an emotional crutch. And so um, like when you you do have to change your thought process about it, that listen, like for me, it's it's protein, you know. Um, now I ain't gonna lie, I'm still gonna enjoy that's something that part of my healing um is I'm gonna enjoy eating. Like because it used to be so much about, oh, I can't have this and I can't, no, I can, you know, I just don't have to have all of it. Like I don't have to have the whole pack of Oreo cookies, you know. Um, but it's definitely for me a day-by-day journey. But yeah, you inspired me when you said that. You're like, listen, I don't even taste it anymore. It's just about making sure I have enough to eat, period.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

You know, you you inspire me in in many, many ways also, you know. And there was a point in my life when I was, you know, I've told you about my my past struggles with alcohol and drugs and stuff, but there was a point where I was all of that was going on and I and I was eating at the same time. Like people have this uh this thought that people that are doing drugs or whatever are skinny. No, no, no. I was taking all of it in. I was getting my endorphins and serotonin and sulfamine, yeah. Like however I could. So once I took the drugs and alcohol out, you know, then then the food, I mean, it was just still there, right? Because and that was the only way I was was getting my getting my rush or whatever, and the getting the serotonin kicking. But uh, you know, I've uh I don't know, just being being alive is is the most important thing to me now, you know.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

You're you're you have an amazing wife and amazing son that you have to live for, and you know, you made that choice. And I think that people with personalities like us, like that's the thing that trips me out because it's like uh when you have a weight problem, people talk about discipline, but we probably have the most disciplined, like to have an addiction, you have to be disciplined. People don't understand, like you're straight up committed to that. So what we tend to do is transplant that energy into something else. So, like for me, it might be shopping, it might be um the gym, you know. So I've just had to replace that stuff with something that's healthier. Like, I mean, I will watch you when you come home and you just be like every day, you're not gonna miss, you know, because I'm you used to walk through the neighborhood and then we had the dog inside.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

You got attacked by two dogs, correct? Right.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Jeff was attacked, attacked, poor Jeff, attacked by some dogs, had me scared. But um Me too. But you know, after that, you would walk up and down your steps.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

And I I literally just finished doing that, came in and took a shower before I started this podcast. I still run my stairs every day, you know.

SPEAKER_04 14:32

Yeah, you you don't play about that, you know, and that's discipline.

SPEAKER_03 14:35

You made a great point. Like being an addict of any kind, it takes discipline because I mean it's your whole life and you're dedicated to it, and like yes, especially with drugs and things where you're having to get money and you're having to hustle and all that, but now it's like I like to be disciplined uh as a person, you know, as a father, as a husband, as a friend.

SPEAKER_04 14:56

Yeah, you know, and you're amazing, you know, um at it. And again, um, we're not perfect people. Um, so people, you know, there are times that that's why I have a trainer because I know that if it was left up to me, like I would fall back into old behaviors. And so that's you know, my trainer's name is Rebecca. She's very important to me because she's big on accountability. And like she is not, I might miss a day. She's gonna send me a workout. Um, you know, she's gonna be on me about where you at. And I need that, you know. Now some people don't want that, but the truth is I need that kind of accountability to stay on track. And it's just this is probably the longest period of time that I have, you know, I'm my weight may fluctuate um 10 pounds up and down, you know, but um, and I do watch my weight because you do have to manage it, but again, not obsessing like I have in the past. But um, you know, I've just been pretty consistent uh for, you know, at least about three years, um, just from like, listen, this is part of my day. I'm gonna go get a workout in. I'm I'm gonna work out hard at least three to four days a week, you know, um, and and that's just part of my that's part of my day.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

And you're serious about it too, because one of the most like nerve-wracking parts of my day, and I've never told you this, would be when I was heading to work, not when I was working at Angles, but like, you know, in the past couple of years, whatever, I'd be on 90, six in the morning, six fifteen or whatever, just driving along, listening to my devotional or whatever. There you go. I'd get anxious seeing you coming up in my rearview mirror when I knew you were going to work out.

SPEAKER_04 16:45

I had no idea. I didn't know I was passing.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

It would make me so anxious, I'd be like, Oh, I'm not driving fast enough, you know.

SPEAKER_04 16:52

But you're on a morning person, and then so my gym sessions were at seven, so I would get up at the very last minute to go to the gym. So the reason why I was passing you is because I was speeding trying to get there, and then I've been pulled over um once or twice in Long Beach.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

I was gonna say Long Beach will get you every time.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Uh, yeah, and then I was like, okay, so I started getting up early because like they Long Beach don't play. Like Duckport, they don't care, but Long Beach, they be on as soon as I get past St.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Thomas, you know, it's time to go. But man, I'm I creep through Long Beach.

SPEAKER_04 17:32

You gotta creep, you gotta creep through.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

I cut my music down when I'm driving through Long Beach, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:36

Like, I'm you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 17:38

Sure, I get it. You know, something else that I know that you're super disciplined in, and and this is an area that there where I'm growing and getting more out of it as well, is your spiritual life. Like you don't play about that at all. You're very devout. Like I've invited you, like, hey, why don't you come to our Mardi Gras parade party? No, sir, I'm going to church, you know, and and and and you're serious about that.

SPEAKER_04 18:02

Yeah, um, you know, I've been pretty open about divorce. And um, yeah, I've always, I mean, I grew up Catholic. Um, my dad went to seminary and you know, ended up not becoming a priest after he met my my um mom. Um, so and then my dad directed a, I mean, I went to all Catholic schools growing up, even Catholic high school. So, I mean, I've always um gone to church, but I would say that getting divorced really changed my relationship. And so, um yeah, I mean, I just it I I have a uh commitment um to so yeah, I I just have it's very important to me. My relationship with God is just it's intimate, it's personal, it's not um in the past, it may have been performative. Um, it's very personal to me. And so yeah, going to church is just one of those things that um is important. And so I have missed um a few things for Mardi Gras because we, I mean, it especially this year, I think it fell on first Sunday. Um sometimes, like if it falls like on a on a different Sunday, you know, I've gone to, you know, events because I do events. Well, I did events in the past, I don't do them anymore. So I have missed, but this year it fell on first Sunday. So I was like, eh, I gotta be at church. Um, you know, um I respect that. So, you know, yeah, and it's just it's like the gym. I mean, it's just part of my life. Um, it's really not about appearances or anything like that. It's just something, a personal discipline for me. Um, that's just important to my quality of life, my emotional health, my mental health, my spiritual health. Um, so it's just something that I choose to make a priority.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

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SPEAKER_03 21:09

I met a lot of wonderful people just getting back into church and getting more involved, you know.

SPEAKER_04 21:14

Yeah, yeah, you do. You meet you meet um great people and and people who align with your same value set. So that is important as well.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

You know, one of those people I become really good friends with was Christy Elias, who was Yeah, that's my girl. Lover. I mean, just what what what an angel of a human being. Um, and you were you were part of the Gulf Coast mom brand for a while, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:37

Yep. So Christy and I met. Um, we did Leadership Gulf Coast. Um, and so she was, it was interesting. We were roommates on the retreat, and she was um trying to have a baby at the time, and I was pregnant with my last daughter. Um and so I was kind of I had had three. Three kids in like six years. So I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm pregnant again. And you know, she was like, oh, you know, we want to get pregnant. And so we bonded oddly enough over that. And she was just such a Christie is um just as Southern as, you know, I mean, she's just sweet and funny. And so we became friends through Leadership Gulf Coast. And then she started uh Gulf Coast Mom with another friend of hers. That friend, I you know, her life changed, and Chrissy was like, listen, hey, I need you. Um, and so I came on board and we had some great times together. Um just really creating an environment. Um, this is what this is what I you mean about having friends that have the same value set. It was really important to us with Gulf Coast Mom to create a safe place for moms. We didn't focus on religion, we did not focus on race, we did not focus on anything except we wanted to create a space where moms could um share with one another, that um we wanted a community where they were welcome because there's so much that you go through um in motherhood. And so we wanted to, you know, help create an environment where women could connect and talk about the things that we don't always talk about, like miscarriages, you know. Um that is a conversation a lot of women, I mean, I've experienced too. And I got up and went to work and didn't talk to my husband about it. You know, you're ashamed. And so we we knew and and had experienced some of these things and wanted to create a space where you know women could connect and be open and honest and transparent about, you know, motherhood, marriage. Um, sometimes you don't like your kids, you know, um, you love them, but you know, they're acting up. And so, and we did that, and um, we hosted some amazing events, and then we did stuff in the middle of COVID. Um, it was crazy because we didn't know like the whole world shut down, you know, and so we were going live with information because we didn't, you know, when COVID came out, nobody knew what was happening. Um, so we were able to go live and partner with, you know, the local hospital and in clinics. And so it was an amazing uh journey um with Christy. And and we're still friends to this day. My daughter attends her dance studio.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Right on. And and you guys not only helped a lot of women, you created the best calendar and the best summer to-do list issue of anyone I've ever known, you know.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

That was Christy. So my job was um more like sales and event stuff. And Christy was definitely our guide queen, and she was amazing uh at pulling all of that stuff together. And that was another, you know, we wanted to, because a lot of times you're like, we don't know what summer camps are out there. So we wanted to create these places where you know you could go. And um, and I'm grateful that we were we were very um, we knew our time was up because we had, you know, we had talked for a couple years about girl, are you tired? I'm tired, but no, we don't want to let it go. And then when it let it go, we were both like, you know, um, with our other partner, um Carrie Paul, we were like, we're ready, you know, and so um the two ladies that took it over, um, you know, they I think they've done an amazing job of keeping those resources in that community out there, and I love them. Um love them both. I just had lunch with one of the owners, uh Jen Guthrie, last week, and and she is definitely I'm I'm so proud um that you know they came into um to our lives to be the people that took over the Gulf Coast Mom uh legacy, I should say.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

It was a great brand. You know, I um I have a story about Christy Elias firing me. So yeah, she she fired me one time. She hates for me to tell this, but uh one night it was it was a year ago, um, right before Easter, there was a big service at St. Thomas. It was like on a Thursday night or something, and she asked me to uh the bishop was there. So Christy does social media for St. Thomas, and just like everything else that she does in life, she does an amazing job with it. Like she's so great. And you know, St. Thomas is getting younger, and there's more young people involved, and a lot of that, you know, we it was because of Christy and the great job she does with social media. So she asked me to take pictures of the bishop. Charlie was altar serving that night, and I'm like, oh yeah, sure. You know, she's like, You have social media experience, will you take pictures of the bishop for me? So it's like, yeah, so then the bishop was there and he had a photographer with him, and you know, Christy, you know, I'm taller than her, I'm I'm bigger than her, I'm broader than her. You know, Christy can maneuver around the church. That's just her thing. But I was like, I just got the anxiety. I was like, I can't do this. I'm you know, I'm gonna be in the bishop's way. So I I texted her, it's like, hey, I'm just gonna send you some uh get the some photos from the bishop's photographer. Fired me. So I was off the social media team at the church.

SPEAKER_04 27:54

I bet she did it in the sweetest way.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

She didn't even let you let you know you were fired for real, did she? I was it wasn't even that I that she was mad, I just disappointed her, I think. And that's even worse to live with, right? So, you know, shifting gears, and you mentioned this earlier. And again, you know, I I was gonna let you lead the conversation on this. So when I when I met you, or when we became neighbors, you were at the beginning of of like one of the worst periods of your life. You were going through a lot then. We we've talked about that, you know, you and I uh on the bridge and stuff. All I want to ask you about that was like, were there signs, things that you saw or knew going on, or did you just one day you're like moving out of the house with your three girls?

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Jeff, it's funny that you asked me about the signs. Um, when it all happened, I was so wrapped up in working, and I knew that he was going through, you know, a depressive period. He would go through periods of depression, and we were in therapy and you know, had been to therapy. I don't think we were currently in therapy, but I really thought that maybe we had gotten to a better place. Um so when everything went down, it was kind of out of the blue. Now, mind you, I was also planning um, like the week that he left, I was planning the very first annual, um, the very first Gulf Coast Brunch Festival. So he left like that Monday, and the very first brunch festival was the following Sunday. So um I had been doing a lot of, so I was doing Gulf Coast Brunch Festival, I was working, and so I recently went back and looked at our text messages and the signs were there. Um, I just wasn't present. Um, and I think it's important, you know, what I've done. I really went back and did kind of an autopsy of my marriage to because I wanted to understand like why did it fail? Um and I think I was not, you know, and I have to own my part, right? I don't think I was intentional about being a wife, I was not intentional about being married. And I think that sometimes, you know, um we can get caught up in work, we can get caught up in the busyness of having a family and forget to nurture and and really have conversations because our text messages like leading up to, I mean, I went back months before um, you know, because we still talk, so I never deleted, you know, all of that. So I went back through those text messages and it was all like doing stuff. Like, did you pick up this? Are you bringing this food home? But none of it like looked like it was all transactional. Like none of it, if you read the text messages, we did not sound like uh, you know, a married couple that was really being intentional about being married. And so, you know, I'm gonna get married again. I believe that. Um this go around, you know, I understand the importance of making sure that I'm intentional about being a wife, a present wife, and a and like I'm able to be a present mom now. Versus, you know, I think uh back then it was making sure that the kids were provided for, but not focusing on providing for them emotionally and being present.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

And you know, I I I love your daughters. They're they're they're all they all do are great in school. There's always signs in the yard. They're cheerleaders, they're dancers, all that they're they're they're amazing young ladies. What's and and I and I've seen them grow over the three years that that we were neighbors. What what's that like for you though? Like being having three teenage girls or one preteen and teenage girls, like everybody going through everything all at the same time, you know. I'm sorry, but you sorry I can cut I can cut this.

SPEAKER_04 32:15

No, you don't have to cut it, leave it in.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

It's it's not gonna cut this part, you know.

SPEAKER_04 32:19

Um, no, you don't have to cut it because I want to answer it. I think it's important. Um, it just makes me emotional because the biggest gift I got out of my divorce is you know, for some people, this happens too late. And um I've had the opportunity to really be a mom for real. Um, and so yeah, I don't want you to cut it. I want you to leave it in because I want people to understand like how not important chasing your career and and chasing all this outside stuff because I see so many people doing that and they're missing out on the emotional bonds with their children. And so me being in this house with my kids, you know, the divorce forced me to be a mom, like for real, you know, because I was doing all the things, but you know, like having an intimate relationship with my girls, um it wasn't it was more like uh just making sure that they were provided for, but you know, like now they'll come in the room and get in the bed with me and talk and you know, and like we we spend time together, like real time together and have real conversations, and they come and they, you know, let me know what's going on in their lives, and they come to me for advice, and I'm present for that. Whereas when I was married, I was always out work. I was always trying to keep everything together because you know, it everything just felt like it fell on me. And so when you're in survival mode like that, like you just don't have time to be emotionally present. And so that's why I got emotional because that is like the divorce gave me my kids, and it gave my kids a mom. And we talk about it, like it's not something that I hide from them. I'm like, listen, you know, I'm grateful, and I know maybe people might think that's weird, but I am so grateful for my divorce. I I mean, it has been a tremendous blessing. Uh, something that was a source of tremendous pain has been has blessed me in many, many ways.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

I see that, you know. I I I I I truly do. And I and I'll say this, you know, you backed that up with action. I remember when I first you're first living next door to me, you had this entire catering rig, all this stuff up under the house. I I asked you to borrow a table, you know, a month ago, and you're like, I don't even know if I have a table anymore. Like you have really you've gotten rid of all of that extra stuff in your life, you know.

SPEAKER_04 35:26

Yeah, and the event stuff, you know, um it just was taking away my you know, my weekends. I didn't love it anymore. Um, and I really just being here and being able to spend time with my girls is just is important to me. Spending time with my son is important to me. And so um I don't, you know, the the jobs that I do now do not require me, they don't pull on me so much, you know, and so um, and I think that's what was really exhausting me with the event stuff. Like, I don't want to miss, I'm not missing their stuff at school. I'm not missing, you know, um, you know, yeah, like I'm there and and I'm grateful to have um the work that I do now allows me the freedom to go to school and volunteer at my daughter's high school and help with things and to you know go to their award ceremonies and and and be there because you don't get that stuff back, right? You know, that's a one-time deal.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

That's it goes by so quickly. Like it goes by.

SPEAKER_04 36:38

Like, I can't believe I have a a freshman getting ready to be a sophomore, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:43

You know, and uh y'all are in the past school district. I I think they they seem to be doing really well. I see you at all the events that I go to, you know. It's just it's it's it's awesome, you know.

SPEAKER_04 36:54

Yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Oh no, I was just gonna say, and every time I see your girls, they're always super nice, super polite to me. They're never like, oh, here's that old dude, you know. You you have really good kids, you have a lot to be taught of.

SPEAKER_04 37:08

And so do you, like little Charlie. Let me tell you, I can't talk. And I told you I sat and listened to y'all's um podcast with him. And this little boy is set up like a whole grown adult, you know, almost talking about this classic music and the things that he likes. And he's always been like that. He's always been just so friendly um and fun, you know, with the girls. And so um, you know, it is a blessing to have kids just with good hearts, you know.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

They they had their first major snow day together. Like we got dumped like six or seven inches that day, and they just had to do it.

SPEAKER_04 37:51

Like it was cool, like the first hour or maybe two, and then afterwards, I was just like, uh, do not like the water. This is messy.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

How many times are you gonna come in wet and we have to change our clothes? Right. Right, right. You know, Charlie, one one thing I I want you to tell this uh this anecdote because I I told it to Charlie because I heard you say it when you spoke at our event. Um, and and he he he quotes it often. It's like part of his MO now. Talk about the thermostat versus thermostat or thermostat versus thermometer, like that that really, really is impactful.

SPEAKER_04 38:27

Yep. So in life, you know, we have to decide. Um, a thermostat sets the temperature in a room and a thermometer reacts to the environment that it's in. And so we have to decide. My goal is to be a thermostat where, you know, no matter what is going on around me, that I'm not reacting to it in that way. Um, and I mean, it's a you have it's it's an effort to do it because there's so much, like even right now, there's so much going on in the world that we could scream at and get it upset about and worried. Um, and I think that's really for me, my thermostat uh position really comes from my relationship with God because I just believe I'm always gonna default to no matter what the chaos is, God is in control of, you know, of what's happening in this world. And God is not the author of chaos. And so, you know, the person that's a therm, the thermostat is the person that's in control. The person that's a thermometer, you know, you're stressed out, you're pulling your hair out all the time, you're freaking out about everything. And so, you know, I just try not to be reactionary like that anymore. And my kids have noticed it. Now, I ain't always been like that. I was definitely walking around being a whole, you know, thermometer for real. I reacted to everything. But I think when you go through something that's traumatic, that I mean, if I'm honest, Jeff, you know, my divorce almost killed me, like literally, almost killed me. And when you go to a place that dark you find the peace that comes after that, you have a different appreciation for life. And so I just see things different. So um I actually heard my pastor preach, he used um part of this in his in a sermon, and it inspired me. Um, and so yeah, I want to go through life being a a thermostat, not a thermometer.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

I think for me, like when you've gone through like enough darkness in your life and you've gone through extreme darkness, you do everything you can to stay in the light. Or I do. Yeah, like I'm not going back there, you know. I'm just I'm just not. It's all I'm not.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

There's nothing there for me. I've been there, you know, and that's not to say I don't have down days. That's not to say, you know, there's times I get lonely. There's times that, you know, but it's not like before where I would just go to this, you know, um deep dark place, or let's say the flip side of it, um, road rage. Like, I mean, there were times um there was I pulled up to a four-way stop sign and and my car kind of you know rolled forward a little bit, and the lady whose turn it was looked at me and was like, you know, and normally I would have been like back at her, but um I was just like, lady, I'm excuse me, I'm praying for you. Like I'm not, I'm not tripping anymore. Like that's a that's a thermostat moment. Like, why am I gonna give that energy? That lady, I don't know what she's going through, you know. So I why am I gonna take on her negative energy?

SPEAKER_03 42:01

One more thing, thing I want to ask you about, it's kind of the very light-hearted thing. The Lauren Hill at the Essence Fest. Like, there it's legendary, it's there's a lot of mythology around it. Were you actually there when Lauren Hill performed, or did you already left at that point?

SPEAKER_04 42:18

I left, so I can't remember who went on that night. Now it's been a while, but they said that um Maxwell came out, I think, and they told us in advance that Lauren Hill was in the building. But it was like one o'clock in the morning, right? And so we were like, yeah, and we didn't stay in New Orleans. Um, and so we were like, Yeah, nah, we're not, you know, we're not staying for that. I wanted to, and but then she has a bad history of you know not showing up. But I think they said she went on like at three in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

Yeah, that's what I've heard too. It's like 3 a.m. And I and I know you and I've had this discussion, but for some reason I couldn't remember if you were actually there or you had left.

SPEAKER_04 43:02

Yeah, you know, we were there, but we didn't stay for her. It was just too late, you know, driving back home. And even though I mean, what that's like an hour for us, hour and 15 minutes. But you know, still we're three women walking around in New Orleans to our car and all that. And I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

So that's one of the best things about living in the past is you can go to New Orleans and come home.

SPEAKER_04 43:23

Like, you know, listen, and I love it.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

I love you know. Um, what do you let's talk about? You know, you get more into motivational speaking. What else are are are are are are your plans? What are some other things that you're trying to accomplish at this point in your life? And you're such an accomplished person anyway.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

Thank you, Jeff. Um, I would say, you know, um, like from a uh from that perspective, I mean, I've obviously being a mom and all of that's very important to me from a personal level, but um I do want to use like my I want to help people. Um, that's really, you know, my goal is to use some things that I've learned when I did go through the process of the autopsy of, you know, my divorce and and um have worked a lot, a lot, a lot. Like my therapist, one of the biggest compliments that my therapist gave me is he was like, I trust you to be in my on my side of this, you know, in our last session, because I still go for like checkups and you know, he'll push me and it's like I want you to go to the next level. So like now we're working on uh being intentional. Um, but I've learned so much about trauma and understanding, you know, uh why a lot of relationships fail. Um, I just want to help people in general. So I have written a book. Um I I I mean it's finished, but I do, you know, have another edit that I want to do just to make sure, you know, um, because it's talking about personal stuff. And the hard part is, you know, telling my story without I don't want to say and paint my ex-husband in a negative light because negative things happened, you know, but it takes two people to enter into a relationship, and I believe it takes two to exit. And so um I just want to make sure that um, you know, that I'm telling the story in a way that people understand, like, listen, here's how this can happen, and to prompt them, like, do you notice some things like this going on in your own life? So, and then I my next goal is to start a my own podcast, um, just you know, having conversations like I want to have my therapist on and I want to have some other people on that deal with this kind of thing. I was really shocked. Um, the interview that I did um talking about the book. I mean, it's gotten like 19,000 views on YouTube, which I was like, I mean, you know, wow. But I looked at the comments and what people responded to the most was the accountability. And I think a lot of times, and yeah, I think a lot of times in failed relationships, you know, it's easy to go into victim mode. Uh have you seen the movie Centers?

SPEAKER_03 46:29

I haven't, yeah. It's on my list. I really want to watch it, you know. I'm very intrigued by it. Blues music, like Mississippi, all the stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

Yeah, it's a great movie, but there's a scene in there where the vampires, like they're all inside, and the vampires are trying to gain access. And so um the vampires can't come in unless they're invited. And I love that scene. It's profound to me because, you know, oftentimes in failed relationships, and not just, you know, people think like, oh, romantic relationships, but how you feel about yourself and your value system affects all of your relationships, right? So your work relationships, your friendships, your your romantic relationships. You are in control of who has access to you and you set the value of how people treat you, right? And so there does have to be accountability with that. And a lot of times people, you know, find themselves in cycles because they don't want to look at them as being the problem. You're giving these people access. And so that's really what I want to help people with is like, listen, there's some accountability because these people would not be able to do these things if you didn't give them access to do it.

SPEAKER_03 47:50

I think that's amazing that you've written a book, you know, that that that's discipline. That's that's a lot of discipline. Like, and I think I've told you this, but I I wanna I want to write a book, but I don't have the I don't feel like I have the time, and I don't I definitely don't have the discipline right now. So that's why I'm doing this podcast. I just want to like talk to my friends, capture this chapter of my life, and and then it it'll it'll be around forever, you know.

SPEAKER_04 48:15

And look at what you're doing. It's it's amazing. You've put some amazing content. I follow the people that you've had on, Jeff. And you know, for me, I'm not a writer um at all. Um, I just wrote, started writing my story down, and there's tools that you can use that help edit. Um, so you know, we can talk about that offline because I'm not an author at all. But you know, there's tools that you can use that help um edit and and frame your story for you. Um, and so I did use that, but everything in my story is me, you know. Um, and so it's it's a personal story, um, for sure. And so you have to have outside help um to do it. It didn't happen overnight. As a matter of fact, um, when Aisha um who interviewed me for the podcast, I wasn't even finished with the book. I sent her like what I had, and then her having me on that podcast is what made me like, okay, I've got to finish this because you know, people, you know, are gonna be asking for it or whatever. And but I've I've still, you know, I'm gonna release it when I'm ready. Um, so I just took a mailing list for people who were interested, and then when I'm ready and I feel like the time is right, and you know, um, it'll be released and and it it blesses whoever reads it and helps them heal.

SPEAKER_03 49:46

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 49:47

There's a lot of hurting people out there, Jeff.

SPEAKER_03 49:49

There are, you know, the the there there truly are. And uh, you know, I'm just I'm super grateful that I've got that, you know, I get to have spent these last few chapters of your life being friends with you. You know, what what a what a blessing. And and this, you know, these things always turn into love fests, but I don't have people on here I don't love, you know. It just is what it is, you know.

SPEAKER_04 50:08

And you have a lot of love around you, and that's a blessing.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

I do, man. I you know, I have I have an amazing wife, I have an amazing child, amazing friends. It's uh it's it's it's a it's a great era in my life. You know, I've worked hard to get here, I I I work hard to maintain it, you know.

SPEAKER_04 50:24

And you chose to live, you know, and that's that's the that's the you know, you chose to change your life, and you said, I'm choosing life, and you choose life every day, you know, and and that's we have to be. I think that's you know what my therapist was telling me um, you know, last time we met is about being intentional. We have to be intentional about, you know, the choices we make. And so he goes as far as to write down, he's like, I'll write down what I'm gonna eat the next day. Like he's that intentional.

SPEAKER_03 50:57

You know, when I I was going outside to exercise earlier, and Dana's like, Why are you doing that? I think we I think the world's gonna end tonight. I'm like, well, I don't wanna I don't want it to end without me getting my exercise in, you know. I don't want to I don't want to know so way to be way to be a thermostat. That's it. What uh and I asked this on everybody that that comes on the podcast, how do you stay awesome? What what is it, what what's the method, your secret to your success, your meth methodology? What what what keeps you going? What which how do you stay awesome and be such a lovely human being?

SPEAKER_04 51:32

God bless you. I think you know the answers three letters, G-O-D. It's God. I always, you know, no matter what is happening in my life, whether it's and like I said, we're talking about all the good stuff, but bad stuff still happens. I still have stress, I still have things, but I always circle back to him, you know, and um and it and I find peace there. Um, so I whether it's, you know, when I'm going through something, I will turn on a sermon and I will, and it reminds me. Um there's, you know, um certain books of the Bible. I mean, I happen to love, you know, um the book of Job. Um, there's just certain Bible verses that I will go to that just remind me um that my father's in control and and that's how I'm able to walk through life no matter what happens.

SPEAKER_03 52:29

Awesome. Tori, tell people how they can uh if they want to follow you on social media, if they want or especially they'd like to follow your book. How could people get in contact with you?

SPEAKER_04 52:40

So if they want to get in contact with if they want me on Facebook, I don't have all of my um stuff set up for the book. You know, like I said, I'm just letting that happen organically, but I am Tori Bishop on Facebook. I don't post on Instagram as much anymore. Like I was doing a lot of Instagram stuff when I was trying to meet a man and all that, and so I'm kind of I've come off of that. I'm like, I'm gonna let God write my love story so I ain't gotta be putting myself out there like that. But um, if I mean my social media is pretty, I mean, what you see is what you get with me. So um I am on Facebook a good bit, I post just what comes up, what comes out a lot of times on there. So friend me. I love I love having new friends.

SPEAKER_03 53:32

And see, I I I'm at the point of my life where I feel like I have exactly the people who are supposed to be in my life. So I'm like, please don't friend me on Facebook. But anyway, that's me. Tori, I love you. You know that you're you're my friend. I miss living next door to you, and uh thank you for taking time to do this.

SPEAKER_04 53:48

Thank you for having me. It's been an awesome conversation.

SPEAKER_03 53:53

Absolutely.