“Trying Harder Isn’t Working”

Trying harder isn’t working.

Most of us know what it feels like to be stuck in the same cycles:
 the same habits, the same failures, the same promises to finally do better.

But what if real change doesn’t start with more effort?

In this episode of Bible, Basically, we talk about the difference between guilt and true repentance, why shame keeps people trapped, and how transformation begins when we stop trying to fix ourselves through willpower alone.

Because repentance isn’t about hating yourself more.
 It’s about finally turning around.

Bible, Basically — figuring out faith, together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

You know, trying harder works for a lot of things, work harder, train harder, push harder, but eventually you run into something frustrating about spiritual change. Trying harder isn't working. Because if effort alone fixed everything about us, most of us would already be different. Everybody's had these moments. This is the last time I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z, or I'm done with this, or you know what, I'm really gonna change now. And for a little while, maybe we do. Until somehow we end up right back in the same place. Same bad habits, same temptations, same patterns. And eventually the frustration turns inward. Not why did I do this, but why can't I change? Jumping right into it today. This is a topic that is near and dear to me. And we've touched on a similar theme before with the previous episode of why don't I feel different, but I want to take it from a little different angle today.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Excuse me. I um this is gonna be another one of those personal episodes.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

And that's why I'm doing it. I have been struggling to change. I have been struggling to be different, to be better, to be better with those that I love. And that not only includes my spouse, but myself, to try and show love differently. Once again, not only to others, but to myself. And all of the things that I opened with, I say because it hit completely close to home.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I'll do better.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And then I don't.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

I will start a habit, and then I stop. And there's a reason, and I was praying about it a lot, a lot, and well, we're gonna get into it today.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

We're gonna start off with Second Corinthians 7, 10. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. And this is really, really important because we can feel guilty.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

We can feel remorse, even.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

But as humans, that doesn't necessarily mean we're gonna change. And Paul separates it out here, and my pastor did a great sermon on worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow, and this is along that same vein.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

There's a difference between worldly grief and godly grief.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

One of them leads to shame and hopelessness and self-hatred, and the other leads to repentance, transformation, and life. And I'm pretty sure you can see where I'm headed with this. You see, feeling bad about something isn't the same thing as changing. A lot of us think that conviction automatically equals growth. I want to change, therefore I can. But feeling bad after sinning is not the same thing as repentance.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

See, you can hate a pattern and still keep feeding it. I compare this a lot to when I quit smoking.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

I smoked for quite a few years, and towards the end, I was up to two packs a day. And I lived in Chicago at the time, and I stepped outside to have a cigarette, and it was three degrees. And I had a basically a giant parka on with a hood that only left a small opening for my nose and my cigarette. And my mouth, obviously. And I fired that thing up and I took one drag and it hurt because it was cold and it tasted bad because let's face it, cigarettes don't taste great. And I looked at that cigarette and I felt the bitter cold, and I looked at myself and I was like, what am I doing? And it was a brand new pack, and I threw that pack in the trash. And I wish I could tell you once again that I never picked up another cigarette, but that was my start to quitting. And I never bought another pack after that. Which is a big step for smokers, if you know. What was the difference? What I had a habit. I had a a let's just call it, we'll just call it a sin. I had a sin that I was continuously doing. And I'm gonna tell you, it that wasn't the first time I wanted to quit. I had said to myself, I need to quit, I need to quit, I need to quit, I need to quit, and I never did. Or I would lay off for a couple days and something bad would happen, and I would buy a pack of cigarettes and go right back to it. I felt bad. I knew I was doing wrong, but why did I keep doing it? And in that moment, I experienced something that I hadn't at any other moment. I truly wanted to quit.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

I wanted to stop.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

You can hate a pattern and you still keep feeding it, but even though you hate it, the reason you keep doing it is because deep down, you just want to do it. James talks a little bit about this in James 1, 14 and 15. Verse 14, but each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. In 15, he goes on, he says, Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown, brings forth death.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Sin grows. That's why small compromises matter.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

And the look, every let's let's face it, pretty much everybody who listens to this podcast knows me in one form or another. I am not dainty little flower.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

I'm a big boy.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

And I have with that a slew of health issues that I've brought upon myself. Also not new to you if you've been listening to this for a while.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

And for years, I have wanted no.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Let me rephrase that. I have known that I need to get off my behind. I need to get up, I need to keep moving, I need to walk, I need to exercise, I need to move my body so that I don't end up in a very bad place quicker than I should be. And I start. I do. I'll go out and I'll take a walk. Or I'll go to the gym, or I'll do something else, physical.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

And I hate it.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

I absolutely hate it. And look, there are very few people on this world, and God bless you, if you're one of them, who say, I love working out. I think it's great. I it makes me feel good. It don't make me feel good, it makes me miserable. I get crotchety and mean, and I don't want to do anything about I'm just, I am just I was praying about this last night because guys, I need to do this.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I need to do this.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

And I realize that this models a lot of behavior that we go through in our spiritual life. And I have done my darndest to turn my spiritual life around, to really be a representative of Christ and feel his redemption and his transformation in my life. And I realized that me neglecting myself physically, I'm destroying God's temple.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

And I'm trying to be different, but how am I supposed to be different if I can't take care of myself in every way?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

So I need to repent. And there's a difference between feeling bad and true repentance. Repentance is more than I'm sorry. Repentance is not self-hatred or punishment or emotional collapse, but repentance means a true change in direction.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Not perfection, direction.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

In Proverbs 28, 13, says, whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. So, guys, maybe, you know, this is my confession to you.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I need to be better.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

And maybe you're struggling with something out there. Maybe there's something you can't kick, a habit you don't want to kick, whether it's alcohol or cigarettes, pornography, anything, anything that you put first in your life above your relationship with Christ, your job, anything that you put before Christ.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

What's your thorn? Whatever it is, confess that. Speak it out loud. And then the next part is just as important. Forsake it.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

I'll hit you with the verse again: whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper. But he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Change direction. Don't just feel bad about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

So the next thing, usually, when you get into this discussion is I've tried, Dennis. And I'm going to tell you, I've tried. I've tried. I've gotten out there.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

I've done you name it to try and motivate myself to get moving. Except for one thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

And that is equating my physical journey with my spiritual journey. And putting it in God's hands. You see, our willpower is limited. Eventually, emotions fade. Motivation fades. Discipline fades. And if change only depends on your effort, then you're going to hit a wall. John 15, 5 says, I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

That's humbling.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

But if you really think about it, it's also freeing. Because real change was never meant to come from isolated self-effort.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

A lot of people think that grace makes people soft.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Right? If I give somebody grace, it gives them license to continue.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

But that's not what real grace is. Real grace does the opposite. Grace creates honesty.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Because once you stop trying to earn love, you finally stop hiding. Romans two four says God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

God is not fear, not shame. God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

It's a big no no in the world of podcasting, because you people are smacking the screen going, did my did something freeze up? Did I not have internet?

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Just got lost in a little bit of thought. God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

God gives us grace. God forgives us, not so that we can do it again, but so that we can change direction.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

And God commands us to do that with others. There are people that listen to this that I have done wrong too. And I once again ask for your forgiveness. Maybe I haven't been the best friend.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Maybe I haven't been the greatest brother, the greatest cousin. Not that one needs to be the greatest, but maybe I haven't been the greatest husband.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Or the greatest father.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

But if you're listening to this, I'm on my knees praying and asking for repentance. Asking for forgiveness, excuse me, and repenting of the things that I have done.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Or the things that I haven't done.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

And the reason I talk about this is not some public declaration, not some grand gesture. It is because if I'm going through it, I know someone else is too.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

And for me, maybe the answer was never trying harder.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

And that's why I'm exhausted. Because I was trying to force transformation without ever truly surrendering.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

And maybe that's you too. True repentance is not beating yourself up more.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

But it's because it's about becoming honest enough to try and turn around. Not perfectly, not instantly, but genuinely. Because guys, real change doesn't start when You hate yourself enough. It starts when you stop hiding and you finally let God into the places that you've been trying to fix alone.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Guys, if if this spoke to you, I'm gonna ask you to do something that maybe you haven't done yet. First, pray about it. Dive into God's word.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

If you don't know where to start, like I said, most of you guys know me. Hit me up. If you have my number, text me. If you're friends with me on social media, send me a DM.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

If you know somebody who could benefit from my experience and the things that I'm going through, share this podcast. Let them listen. This is Bible basically, or we are figuring out faith together.