“Why Is Forgiveness So Hard?”

Forgiveness sounds simple… until someone truly hurts you. 

Not the small stuff. The real stuff. 

The betrayal.
 The broken trust.
 The words you can't forget.
 The apology that never came. 

In this episode of Bible, Basically, we explore why forgiveness is one of the hardest things we're called to do. Looking at Jesus' teaching on forgiveness and His example on the cross, we wrestle with what forgiveness actually is—and what it isn't. Because forgiveness doesn't mean pretending it didn't happen, excusing the hurt, or instantly rebuilding trust. 

It means refusing to let yesterday's wounds control tomorrow's life. 

Whether you're carrying anger, resentment, bitterness, or a hurt you've held onto for years, this conversation is about finding freedom on the other side of the pain. 

Because sometimes the person who needs to be set free by forgiveness... is you. 

Bible, Basically — figuring out faith, together. 

Transcript

0:03

What's going on, guys? Today on Bible basically, we're going to talk a little bit about a very difficult subject for a lot of you. And truthfully, it I shouldn't say a lot of you, very difficult subject for a lot of us. We're going to talk about forgiveness. As Christians, we know we are forgiven. For everything we do, God has given us his grace and forgiveness. Even on the cross, Jesus, you know, said, Father, forgive them. You know, I mean, it's it's it's something that is essential to us. But what about us forgiving others? I mean, really, why is forgiveness so hard? Why is it so difficult? Most wounds heal. Some don't. Not because time hasn't passed, but because we keep carrying them. The betrayal, the lie, the abandonment, the words we wish had never been said. And if we're honest, some people don't just hurt us, they change us. They affect how we trust, how we love, how we see ourselves. And after a while, the question stops being why did they do this to me? And it really turns into why am I still carrying this? Peter in the Bible had a hard time with this, just like we all do. In fact, he went up to Jesus directly. And well, if you read in Matthew 18, 21 and 22, Peter came up to him, Jesus, and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times? And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy seven times. And and Peter thought he was being generous. Jesus completely shattered the idea that forgiveness has a limit. And for those of you who are like, okay, you know, I gotta forgive somebody seven 77 times, and then I'm out, you know, they're done. No, he was just making a point that it doesn't matter how many times you're wronged, forgiveness has to happen every time. The point wasn't keeping count, the point was living with a heart that refuses to become hardened. Now, I'm gonna pause right here. I don't want you to think that it's okay for someone to hurt you. I don't want you to think that it's okay for someone to lie to you. It's not. It's not okay. And forgiveness is not saying that it was okay. And this is this is where a lot of people get stuck. They hear the term forgive, and they think excuse it, or minimize it, or pretend that it didn't hurt. But that's that's that's impossible. Forgiveness isn't denial, it's honesty. You can fully acknowledge the damage and still choose forgiveness. In Romans twelve nineteen, we hear, belivid, belivid? My goodness, beloved, that's a better way to say it. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. Forgiveness doesn't deny justice, it just releases the responsibility of being the judge. I wanted to talk about this for a couple reasons. There have been things that I've done to people close to me that I need forgiveness for, and there are things that have been done to me or against me, that I need to forgive those people. And when I tell you that I understand what you're going through, as far as being able to forgive and and and saying there is no way. I mean, there are some pretty heinous things that I've lived through that I need to forgive people for. And it's hard. You know, it's hard when someone takes a part of you. Because that's that's what it does in some cases. You know, when I said it changes you, it changes you fundamentally, it changes who you are, depending on what was done. You know, it's but God doesn't talk about the severity. Jesus doesn't say, you know, forgive 70 times seven unless it's this. And then, you know, you're cool. Don't, don't, you don't have to forgive that. So it really doesn't matter the level. Jesus still tells us we need to forgive. And when you just think about it as a non-Christian or a non-believer, and and you you think about it as, you know, there's that old saying, forgive and forget. Well, that's that's no, no. No, I'm not gonna forget. I'm not gonna forget what was done to me. I'm not gonna forget those things. I'm not gonna forget any of that. But you but you know what? It's not my responsibility to condemn that person. It's not my responsibility to judge them and to basically just tell them what I think of them. It's not that's not my responsibility. I don't ever have to speak to them again. I don't ever have to see them again. But as a Christian, I'm obligated to forgive them. See, bitterness costs more than we think. Bitterness feels powerful at first. It feels like protection, like you're holding on to the offense and it keeps us safe. But eventually what happens is the person who hurt you is gonna move on. They may not even remember, and you're still stuck. You're still carrying the weight. So so what do you do? In Ephesians four, verses thirty-one and thirty-two, verse thirty-one says, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. You see, bitterness rarely hurts the offender. It hurts the person carrying it. If you think about, I mean, this this is one of Jesus' most basic requests, even in in the Lord's Prayer. I I guarantee you, most of you know most of it. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. You ready? And forgive us. Some people say our debtors are debts as we forget for as we forgive those who see, I can't even say it that way, because I learned as forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. That's how I learned it. And it really is under version of the Bible that you read as to how it's written. But the essence of that statement, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. That's a that's a basic, that's a fundamental belief. We forgive those who trespass against us because you forgave us, Lord. It's so freeing to think that it is not on me. I don't have to carry this weight anymore. I don't have to see them, talk to them, speak to them. That's not what it's about. It's not about making nice, nice. But it's, you know what? I'm not gonna hold on to this anymore. I'm done. But then then you this is the next question, right? Dennis, what if they never apologize? What if they don't care? What if they don't care that they hurt you? What if no one takes accountability? What if they don't take ownership of it? See, now this is where forgiveness becomes real because many people are waiting. How many of you that are out there right now listening are in a TIFF with somebody or in an argument with somebody? And you're waiting for a response from them, an apology, or you're waiting for an explanation, or you're waiting for accountability, or you're waiting for closure. I'm gonna tell you right now, sometimes that doesn't come. If you're waiting, you're gonna be waiting a long time. Forgiveness can't depend on someone else's repentance. If you wait for forgiveness to depend on someone else's repentance, you're gonna remain chained to their choices. Forgiveness is something you do before God. And truthfully, it's whether they deserve it or not. I mean, think about it this way. Do any of us deserve it? Do any of us deserve his grace? His mercy, his love, his forgiveness? I would argue no. But he gives it freely. And he gives it while he's in the middle of his suffering. I mentioned it earlier in Luke twenty-three, thirty-four. And Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. He said that while hanging on a cross, dying for us. And he spoke forgiveness in the midst of his suffering, not afterwards, not when they were like, oh, my bad. Not when justice arrived, but while the pain and the wounds were still being inflicted. Think about that. Think about those who have wronged you in your life. Think about how long ago that might be. It could be yesterday, could be five minutes ago, it could be five years ago, it could be twenty years ago. It's time to let it go. It's time to forgive them. Let go of the burden of harboring that anger. I guarantee you those who have wronged me will not listen to this. Those people are no longer in my life, and for the longest time, I told myself I don't think I could ever forgive them. Just didn't think I could. And they remember what they did. I forgive you. I won't forget. It changed me fundamentally as a person. It tormented me for a lot of years. But I forgive you. And I'm gonna challenge you all listening. Forgive them. Doesn't mean make nice. I'm still never gonna speak to them. If I don't absolutely have to. I don't need that in my life. But the first step is forgiveness. I mean, think about it this way. Maybe forgiveness isn't about setting someone else free. Because you're harboring all of this, because you're holding on to this burden, because you're carrying this load, maybe it's about finally becoming free yourself. Not because what happened was small. Not because it didn't hurt. Not because they earned your forgiveness, but because carrying bitterness into tomorrow won't heal yesterday. Forgiveness doesn't erase the wound. It doesn't rewrite the story, but it may be the moment you stop letting the wound define you. And maybe that's where the healing begins. Guys, I love y'all. If you know somebody who needs to hear this, share it with them. I have a steady, small group of listeners, and to you, I am grateful. You are the reason that I keep doing this. If you like what you hear, send it out. Leave a comment, leave a rating. The more ratings I get, the more comments I get, the more the podcast will be seen, and the more people can hear this. So thanks for listening to Bible basically, where we are figuring out faith together.