Loving Them After Loving Him with HaniiMonaeee

In this episode of Blunt Talk, we explore a side of heartbreak that rarely gets talked about—losing people who didn’t actually break your heart.

After a 3-year relationship, the breakup didn’t just mean walking away from love…it meant walking away from a family that became home. Sitting down with my ex’s younger sister, we have an honest and vulnerable conversation about what it feels like to still care for each other after everything has changed.

We talk about being caught in the middle, the unspoken grief, and how love can exist outside of romance—even after separation. This isn’t about blame or exposing anyone…it’s about acknowledging real connections that don’t just disappear when the relationship ends.

Sometimes the hardest goodbyes aren’t to the person you dated—but to the people you never expected to lose.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:08

What's up, y'all? Welcome back to Bond Talk Podcast. I'm your host, Raya, aka Raya Beauty and Fitness on Instagram. So make sure you guys go show love and follow me there. All the new content is coming in. We're gonna be more consistent. So thank y'all for showing up today. And let's just get right into it. So I was with my ex for almost three years. He was the first man I ever lived with, and soon his family became mine. I didn't have a strong bond or connection with my own family at the time, which made the breakup not just romantic, but it was communal. And the part that no one talks about is greeting people that did not break your heart. But before we get into that, I need to introduce my guest.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

My little sister. Hi, my name is Dahani.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Yes. Beauty, beauty, beautiful girl right here. And she's just been a light in my life. Like, and I'm just proud of her for just remaining who she is, being so strong and resilient for even sitting here today and having this conversation with me because it is an intimate one. And not a lot of people are willing to be this vulnerable. So just thank you so much for having this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Welcome.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

But yes, I've known her for so many years. Like, when did I meet you? When you were like what, like seven?

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah, I was in elementary school.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Yeah, you were literally like really little. But now look at her, all grown up. She's getting ready to go to college soon. So wish her luck on her journey. I really just want to get into this. And before we do, I want them to like, you know, I want us to just catch up. So, like, first of all, how are you? How's the family? How is everything?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Um, everything is okay, everything is good, you know. Um, I'm blessed for the blessings that I get every day. And yeah, that's really it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I'm happy that you're happy, and that's just all that matters for like just that you're thriving and you're doing everything you need to do to get where you want to be. And I see it. I see you focused, even though you're having fun. I see you're still having fun and doing TikTok. Nice. Thank you, thank you. But I already knew she's gonna be a TikTok girly because when she listen, when she was young, she used to be hitting that, so I already know.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, Captain Hook man.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Girl, girl, she played that thing out, but it's alright. It's alright. But like, what are you what are you into right now? What are your plans for the future?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Um, so basically, I might be attending Spelman College or I might be attending Famu. I don't really know yet. But if I do, both great choices Spelman, I will be majoring in biology because I want to be a travel nurse. And Famu, they have a nursing major, so I'll be in nursing and I'll be majoring in nursing, yeah. So that's basically my goal. Um, and then after that, I want to move to Miami and just.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Oh, okay. No, hold on. Check check her out for because I know you want to be a travel nurse, but that's that's actually a really dope job. I see a lot of people getting into like nursing field, but being a travel nurse is actually dope because you get to experience like, you know, different states, and you know, even if it's for a little bit, you know, that's a dope thing to do. I such a your age for you to know that, that's that's dope. I'm really proud of you. Is there anything you wish that I got to experience with you during our that our time apart?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

My sweet 16, oh me too. Let's see. My first period, my sweet 16, going into high school. Um, well, I didn't go, I'm not going to prom, so I don't want to do I don't do school parties.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Uh you don't like doing it.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah, no, and that's a lot of stress. That's that's my money too. Because I know I'm expensive. So you is, you is. So that's what we're not gonna do. And well, my graduation's coming up. You can still come to I definitely will come to that. And then my graduation party, so you can come to that.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

I'm definitely coming to both. I don't I don't care who says what.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

I really don't.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

I didn't care. Yeah. So those are the major three things. Yeah, I've missed enough. So I'm definitely I'm ready to be a part of your life again. I definitely missed you, and I'm happy that you're old enough now where you can really make your own decisions about who you want around you, you know? Like I feel like that's a big thing. Like, you know, sometimes you have to respect people's boundaries, but I'm just glad that you're, like I said, grown now, and we can make our own decisions about how we want to carry on in our relationship, you know? Let's get into the topic, y'all, because it's very intimate, and I just feel like this is like closure for both of us, because like we didn't really get that. We didn't get to say a real like long goodbye, you know, stuff like that. So if I get emotional, do not fucking laugh at me, okay? Because I'm I'm a Scorpio, I'm a crybaby, okay? We both Scorpios. Yeah, oh yeah, I forget. We're birthdays are like really close. So like yours like the 15th, right? The 12th. The 12th. I was close. I was close. But I'm I'm the 5th and she's the 12th, so like we always like kind of celebrated together and like you know, talked about us being like similar. So we're little crybabies, okay? But what did you feel when we broke up? Like for me, first of all, like I really felt like just broken because I knew I knew that it would affect y'all. Y'all were young. So at the end of the day, like I knew that y'all would be confused. Like, like, even though like when I f when we first kind of broke up before, like, I moved kind of close by, but it was still, I still was able to see y'all, you know, I would still kind of have that relationship, but it was like when we really like made it like official, that's when I was like, damn, I don't want them to feel like I'm just abandoning them, or like I just don't want to see them, but that's really not the case, you know. So, how did you feel?

SPEAKER_01 5:01

I didn't know what to expect. Probably because I was still so young and I was so used to like, you know, when people walk in and out of people's lives, like I was already used to it. Yeah. So it was just like uh, oh, she's gonna come back tomorrow. Um saying come back after.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah. So it was like, damn, I you really didn't register, like, damn, she's not gonna be here. Like, when do you think that happened for you? When did you think it like, when did you think you realized, like, okay, they're not getting back together?

SPEAKER_01 5:26

She's probably when he got a new girlfriend. Yeah. I was just like, oh, so that's it.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Like, like, wow, it's really done.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah, then when Zay and I'll be like, Where's Mariah? And then I'll be like, sis, I can tell you. Right, like, I don't know. Like, I didn't know nothing.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Yeah, and I feel like that's another thing too. Like, I really couldn't give them any information. Like, it was like I didn't really know where what was gonna happen or what where I was gonna go or like what, you know, like it was just such a confusing time for everybody, and at the time I had to respect everyone's boundaries, you know, like and at the end of the day, even though I wanted to be more a part of their lives, I couldn't force that, you know, like I couldn't force it because I had to, you know, respect everybody's decisions at the end of the day, like you know? But damn, I just really wish I could have just did it a better way, you know?

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Did you ever feel like your well, I know, I feel like we kind of touched on this. Like, you feel like your age played a role in your emotions at the time, like you feel like because you were young, it maybe affected you, but not to the point where it was like, damn. But I feel like do you think now it's like more of like looking back kind of affecting you?

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's like I didn't really know much about my emotions or I didn't know how to feel deeply as I can now. So now that I like reminisce and think about it and like just like ponder about it, yeah, it's like, damn, like I was hurt.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Cause it's like if you were still here, like my life would be different. Different. So it's just like, damn.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

I feel the same way. Like, I feel the same way. I feel like my life would have been different. Like, I I really pictured of like y'all as my family. Like, I really truly embraced y'all as my family. And I feel like I y'all embraced me as your family. Like, like me and Lima fought, like we was dead sisters. Like, me and your mother. Yo, swear, like, like me and your mother used to like get into Lil Banter, but like she still would like come to me and talk to me like my mom and like, you know, bring me back to life. Like, she was still uplifting and she would always motivate me. And even though that was her son, she was just so empathetic towards me, and I just truly felt like a part of the family, like, you know, so I definitely can I could definitely attest to that. Like, I was young, younger at the time, so it did still affect me because I was grown, but like now that looking back, I just be like, damn, it could have been so much different. But everything happens for a reason, you know. Was it weird for you, like when we could still talk? Like, if I was to call and like they'd be like, put honey in the phone, like, do what is it weird for you, or did you more like what excited?

SPEAKER_01 7:38

No, it wasn't weird for me. It was just a like uh, if you can talk to me on the phone, why can't you talk to me in person? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

So like then, why can't she? If I if I can speak to her on the phone, why can't she come here? Yeah, yeah. That's yeah, I understand that. Definitely understand that. But again, like I said, it's just a boundary thing. Like, I feel like I didn't want to over exert myself because I didn't want y'all to see any more like toxicity. I feel like it was already a lot going on in the relationship, and I just felt like us separating was for the best, and we at least needed time apart for it to cool down, you know what I'm saying? Because I didn't want to come around and then like cause you like stress or cause you anxiety because you I'm over here trying to see y'all and now we are. You know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't or like I didn't want to come to certain family events, and then it's like I ruined the family events because they don't want me there or whatever, you know, like because people move on, you know, and at the if if they don't feel comfortable, I can't, you know, I can't force that. Did you ever feel like caught in the middle? Like, did you ever feel like I have to hate her because you know they're not together, you know?

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Like, no, no, no, I never feel like that about like I mean it depends like what happened. It was like like you did that to my brother, but it's like I really didn't know what happened. Yeah, so I still loved you, I still love you. Yeah, so it's just like a um, no, I didn't feel that way.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

That's good. I'm glad you didn't feel that way. Because I was always worried about like damn, like, is he in her ear? Like, I hope he's not like making her feel bad about loving me because I love her so much. Like, you know, like I didn't never wanted y'all to feel like y'all had to choose between me and him because I still have equally just as much love for him. Like, it's not this is not a hate, you know, train against nobody. Like, I still have so much love for that whole family, you know? So yeah, I'm happy you didn't feel that way. How did you balance that though? Like, how did you balance like embracing a new relationship with your brother, like having him moving on, like not resenting him for moving on and also still loving me? Like, you know?

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Um, I mean, you would still be like brought up, of course, like me, Lima, mommy, like we'll be like, well, we like Mariah better. Like, it would be like the little snickers that we would do when like when the other girl would like do something, or she'll be weird towards me and Zaya. Cause you know, like when someone got kids, they're gonna favor their kids, which is okay for you. But you gotta think about all the kids when it's like all kids involved. That's facts. So, like, at that point, it was just like we added more little kids to the family when I was fine with Mariah.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Like, we have to go through this with Mariah. Like, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Like, yeah, so no, I would still like bring you up. I didn't feel no type of towards the new girl because like I didn't know her, but like I knew you, so it was just like uh yeah, I just gave her a chance.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Yeah, which is good. Like, I never wanted like, like I said, I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose between like dealing with them and dealing with me. That's why I never like talked badly about that the new people in his life because I just felt like it wasn't my place to at the end of the day, like we moved on, and I can't be mad, like if I moved on, I can't be mad that he moved on, you know what I'm saying? Like and at the same time, like y'all are his family, so you do have to accept him for who he is and who he wants to be with, you know. So I never took it personal, and I I just I'm happy that you never like had to endure that, like, you know, sense of like entitlement, like, oh, she she feels like entitled to me only messing with her. Like, you know, I'm glad you never felt like that. What do you think, like in situations like this, right? Because I I thought about this a lot. Like when we first broke up, like I thought about this a lot. Like, what do you think is like an unhealthy and healthy way of going about it? Because I feel like there's ways that there was times that I feel like I did overstep, but then there was times that I feel like I really respected everyone's boundaries. Like, what do you think is a healthy way to go about this situation?

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Um a healthy way was it's probably like respecting like everybody's boundaries. But I feel like you still could have like asked everyone separately, like, because like you created you came into the family, but you created bonds with each individual. So just because you're not talking to this man doesn't mean that it has to affect me now because you stopped talking to him, like you can still talk to me. You're right. So I feel like that's how most of us probably felt, especially like my big sister, because like y'all had a bomb. Like forget Ty Kim, like y'all were sisters.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

So it was just like a um, like she still could have asked, like, we he didn't have to know we were talking or this and that, because everybody has their own electronic device. Right, yeah, and he don't pay nobody bills at all. So it was just like uh, she could have asked me, or like she could have still like found some way to like hit me because I used to find your TikTok and used to have the honey was here in your bio still, and every time I would go back, it would still be there.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Yeah, like I loved I it was a reminder, and I just loved it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

So it was just like uh, I still could have spoken to her, like he didn't have to know, he doesn't have to know, yeah. And yeah, that's that really was it.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

I I agree, and I apologize to that because I feel like it was more so like I told you, I'm you know, we're empaths, like we're very emotional, and I felt like I was grieving the whole situation. Like I was grieving it, and I just felt like oh I'm gonna get emotional, but the more I was around you guys, like the more I just was grieving like everything. Like, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Don't cry, because I almost like crying.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

I'm sorry, y'all, but this is real, like this is a real conversation, and this is something I really went through. Like, they were my family for like two, three years, and y'all really accepted me for everything, my faults, like you know, I wasn't perfect, but I just hope you guys know that I would never purposely just cut you off like that. Like, I thought about you almost every day, like I thought about Zaya every day, and I just knew that it wasn't a healthy environment for me, you know? Like, and I just felt like I didn't want to put y'all through that, I didn't want to put myself through that. I just felt like I had to heal. And at first I was coming around a little bit, like, you know, spending time with Lima and stuff like that, but then it started causing like little arguments between them, and then like, because you know, at the end of the day, he he was still reaching out to me, and it's like I and I feel like it was like he kind of felt left out, like he kind of felt like damn, she misses them, but she doesn't miss me. And I didn't want him to feel that way because you know, like I still care about him to this day. I don't want him to ever feel like I just hate him, or you know what I'm saying? So I just I I really still cared about how he felt. Yeah, and and I feel like I kind of made that the center instead of thinking about how everybody felt, you know, because I do love y'all so much, and I just don't want you to ever think that, like, you know, it wasn't an easy decision to make.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

So I'm just I'm sorry. Like, I do apologize. It's okay. And I'm gonna come around more now because I feel like now I feel more comfortable because she's a grown woman now, like, you know, she really can make her own decisions about who's in her life, you know, and how much time she wants to spend on me, like where I'm invited to, you know. I'm saying, but before she was young, so it really was up to the adults, and they all kind of collectively agreed that it was just better, like for everybody, you know? And including me. Like, I also agreed, because like I said, I didn't want to ruin anything, I didn't want to ruin anybody's positive moments, you know, like grip good memories that you guys would have created. I didn't want to ruin that, and then there was another relationship in the picture, so you know, yeah, you gotta respect boundaries, you know. Cause I I imagine, like, when I was, you know, with him, I feel like there was a situation where an ex was gonna be invited somewhere and I felt the way, you know what I'm saying? And I and I expressed that. So it's like, and they respected that. So I feel like I wanted to give them that same respect that they gave me when I was in that position, you know what I'm saying? So I just feel like it was just right for everybody on all parts. I'm sorry, y'all. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I'm Scorpio. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Do you think people underestimate the grief that families feel too? Like, do you feel like they just only think about the two people in the relationship, they don't think about the families involved?

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah, and I would say that because it's so weird how you can meet a stranger and then make all these memories with that stranger, and then when they leave, it's like, well, what did you come for if you didn't believe? And then all those memories. But like with you, it's like the good outweighed the bad. Like, I don't remember no bad memories, so it's like when you bring up all like the past and the arguing and this and that, it's like I don't remember nothing because I saw all the good, and I still see all the good. So it's like it's just so hard to like meet a stranger and then go through everything with this one person just for them to leave, and it's like the memories are just sitting there, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

So damn, that's real. Like, damn. Like, I just and it's because I was a little older than you, so it's like that's why I still remember like some of the bad things that like maybe you guys were there for, but like you are right, it was way more good than bad, like as far as like in front of the family. Like, I I really didn't like showing anything negative, like to y'all. Y'all were young, y'all didn't need to see that. But I also feel like I just knew that there could be more negative memories if I like you know didn't come back around at the right time, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, but I do feel like people underestimate family's grief because like I'm sure like your mom had to grieve it. Like, you know, like I was like a second daughter to her, Lima. I know she had to grieve it. I was like her sister, like we was like this. Like when I said me and Lima was like this, we go everywhere together. Like, she introduced me to new things, she brought me to New York, like for the first time. Like, I didn't, I experienced so much new things with this family, and it's like if I was grieving, I don't know how I didn't realize that they would be grieving just as much, you know? So that's that's on me too. Like missing family dinners, like the inside jokes, like all that girl and cookouts, the food, like they introduced me to like some of the best food. Like, I used to never I used to only eat like Spanish food. Yeah, I know my mom, like she only makes like Spanish food. So like she introduced me to new things, she taught me how to cook. Like, his mom taught me how to cook. Like, I my mom, like, we weren't as close, you know, growing up, so she never really taught me things like that. But your mom taught me so much about being a woman, you know, and like taking care of a house, you know, and just just being that pillar for everybody. Like, she's so strong, and like I just admired so much about her. So it's just I feel like it happened for a reason, and I just feel like I'm grateful for the experience, you know. I feel like there's often an un unspoken rule, like, when we break up, you break up with my family too. But I'm like, is that fair? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, is that really fair to everybody in the situation? Like, what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Um, I don't think it's fair, but if you think about like boundaries, then it is fair because it's like when a man does you dirty and he does you bad, you want to leave everybody associated with him alone. But then it's like when you have a bond like with individual people that are associated with this man, then you have to think like, is it really fair? Yeah. But it's also ways like you can maneuver around it. Like you can just talk to them and still not talk to him. Right. But then, like you said, when that caused like arguments between and then like their family, you wouldn't want to break that up because blood is stronger than exit. Exactly. So you really have to, it's really like a devil and an angel on your shoulder. So it's like you can like on the good side, you could like appear like here and there, like text, like what me and you be doing, like when we talk sometime, and if we don't talk, that's good. Like, I accept that because that's still a boundary we have. But like, on the other hand, like if the whole family did you dare, leave them alone. Yeah, yeah. I agree, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

And I feel like it wasn't the case with us, so I feel like you're right, like it could have been like maybe different boundaries put in place to make sure everybody felt respected. Yeah, but um, yeah, I I just kind of was confused at the time of how to do that, and it was just easier for me to just for I feel like it was more of a selfish decision because of my emotions, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm gonna keep being around your family, and now it's just I'm just thinking of all the what ifs, like, oh my god, like what if it would have worked out? What if what if this didn't happen? What if you know what I'm saying? So I feel like I really just had to get away, heal from it, so that I can look back and like appreciate it for what it was. Because at the time it was more like, I done lost everything. Like this is I lost my future, this is what I wanted, you know what I'm saying? So it is, I feel like it is, like you said, it's both. It's fair, but it's also unfair because in the day you have to respect people, and but you also have to respect yourself. So I feel like it's it's a double-edged sword, like you said.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Is love transactional? Like, do you think do you think that you have to receive something from the other person to feel love, or do you think that you just you when you love people, you just love people?

SPEAKER_01 19:37

I don't feel like no. Some people don't get anything and they still love. Some homeless people on the street, like their family treat them, and they still love. So you don't have to gain something in order to love if that's just you. Like if you love giving out love, then that's just you. But some other people may have to like gain something to love you, and that's fine, but I don't feel like no. The answer is no. I agree. Like, I feel like you can love without gaining something or someone giving you something.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Because there's times where like you are accepting things that you wouldn't accept, but it's because you love that person. Like it's times that you're, you know, you you feel like shit, but you still have that in you to give them that love and respect because it's just you have that love for them. Yeah. I feel like the I feel like relationships are transactional, friendships are transactional, but I don't think love itself is transactional because, like you said, sometimes you can't control it. Like there's people that you probably wish that you don't you would stop loving, but you just you love them no matter what they do to you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I I definitely agree with that. Love is not transactional, love is real, and and we all feel it in at different lengths, like I feel like, but us being Scorpios, you know, we feel it deeply. And when we love, we love hard, and we don't just let anybody get into our hearts. So I feel like when we do, it it does really break us when we have to shut those people out. You know what I'm saying? So I definitely agree with you. Like, love is not transactional. Um is it betrayal to stay connected? Like, do you would you look at it like if you broke up with somebody and and he was still like cool with them, would you look at it as betrayal? Like, do you think that would be betrayal?

SPEAKER_01 21:16

No. I would probably in the moment, yes, of course. But then you have to think of like the bond they had. Like, just because you bring this man around doesn't mean like, especially like relationships, it's not gonna be that easy. Like, if it's a friendship, like, yeah, you gotta go. Yeah, but like relationship, like I brought you into my home, like I did stuff for you. Like, I didn't do that for no reason. Like, I wanted you to create these bonds with these people because if I didn't, I would have never brung you into my home. So I cannot get mad of the action that I did. Wow, mm-hmm because I wanted you to feel accepted, or I wanted me, like I wanted to show you I loved you.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

So even if they're still like talking, I'm gonna be mad at the moment, of course. But then I have to think like, what if it was me? Like, I wouldn't want to let that bond go. Like, you can't bring me into your house. House for no reason. Yeah. Like I'm here, like whether we're talking or not.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Yeah. So yeah, I agree. I feel like sometimes we get too in our ego. Like we get too in me, me, me, me, me, and we don't realize how we've affected everybody else. Like, like you said, you brought this person into your space. You you forced us to accept this person. And now that we truly have and love this person, like you expect me to just let go of all those emotions and feelings. And that's just not human. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's not human. Like, so I do agree. I feel like it, I feel like it definitely depends on like the length of the breakup. Like, if we if we done did something to harm each other, you know what I'm saying? Like, or I did something to harm your family or something like that. But like, if it wasn't nothing like that and it was just a simple, like, we done fell out of love, or you know, like we've drifted apart or whatever, I feel like you gotta allow people grace because, like you said, it's it's real. Like love is real, it's not conditional, it's not set on these standards. It's you really can't control who you care about. And especially like you said, when you force them into my environment and I have to see them every day, and I'm waking up to them every day, it's like they become a part of my everyday routine. We're attached, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I definitely agree. Um, it's not betrayal. I feel like it's more so just you I feel like you should really just feel more um like proud because I feel like not everybody gets to experience that. Like some people don't ever accept somebody's, you know, other person. You know what I'm saying? Some families create jealousy, some people, you know what I'm saying, they they create a toxic environment. And I feel like we just didn't have that. Like, if anything, yeah, it was a relationship that was toxic, but it was us, we was good, you know, like me, your sister, we did like it was more like they was my sisters. We argue like sisters, we make up like sisters, we wearing each other's stuff, like we like we teach doing each other here, we like, you know what I'm saying? We're not, it was it was truly a beautiful thing to experience. And I'm just happy that I got to experience it with the family, I got to experience it with because I never will forget y'all ever in life. Like, you know, like, and I'm just happy now that I get to be a part of your life because I'm definitely gonna be at the graduation, you know. I gotta figure out what I'm wearing, you know, I gotta look cute. And you know, like, you know, we gotta see, we gotta see. But how do you feel about like me sharing my new dating life? Like, does that make you uncomfortable? Because like I got her and my close friends and stuff, and I know I be posting my mom, and I'd be thinking about like, does she be feeling like weird? I'd be wondering if you know I'm in there. I no, I put you in there, but I'd be forget- I don't really post about my relationship a lot because like I I've been through a lot, so I just be like keeping my relationship like you know, private but not a secret, you know? So it's like when I do post, I'd be like, oh damn, wait, is that like too much? You know what I'm saying? Like, what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I just it's not too much because I feel like you guys broke up, new girls have been moving in. So it's like I can't be mad at one person for moving on and the other, like, what do I want you to do? Just stand there. Yeah. So it's like everything.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

And it's been so many years, like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Like, of course, I expect you to move on.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yeah, it doesn't mean nothing to me. Good, good, good. I got I'm I'm happy because like I said, like sometimes sometimes people just hold resentment, you know, and things like that. And like, and I know like sometimes people like wish about like what ifs, you know what I'm saying? Or like what if this can happen, or whatever. So it's like I just don't ever want to make you feel uncomfortable or make you feel like, you know, like just any type of way. So like I just wanted to ask that because I just and I wonder if like you guys ever felt like that way. Like, have you ever seen, you know, your your brother, your girlfriend's ex, and she's with somebody new, and has that bothered you, you know what I'm saying? Like, has that made you feel like damn? Like, I wish she was still with my brother, I wish she was still, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I like you know, because that's a normal human like feeling to have, you know. So I just was wondering, but I'm happy that like we never trauma bonded, if that makes sense. Because I feel like that happens a lot too, like where maybe we're both going through something with him, and then we just take that as a reason to bond, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm glad that you and him, you always like when we were when I was around, you guys had a great relationship. And I feel like that was good for me because even though me and him weren't seeing eye to eye, like I always can come to y'all. And it wasn't like it wasn't like a we're we're sitting here talking about him, or we're sitting here like, you know, like it was really our own separate bond. It wasn't a bond based on you're comforting me because of him, you know what I'm saying? It was more like, no, we're we're doing TikToks together, we're talking to each other, we're you know, helping each other out, we're making plans to go to the pool, we you know, we're doing stuff together. I remember we went to get our nails done, you know, with mom before it was like we're really creating these memories. Girl, we're on the crew, like they took me on my first time out the country. I've never been out the country, like, see what I'm saying? I'm so thankful for them because even though like sometimes things don't work out, but sometimes everything happens for the better, you know what I'm saying? Because I would have never experienced some of that stuff if it hadn't been for you guys. Like, yeah, like thank God for your mom. Like your mom paid for my whole trip. Like, God bless her heart because she didn't have to do that. She didn't even know me that long at that time. Like, I think I was only there for like a few months, and it was just like she didn't have to do that, but I feel like because she loved her son, she loved me. And I feel like I just I'm grateful for like just everything, every ounce of that, you know. So I'm just glad we never had to have a a negative, you know, any negative attachment when it came to our relationship. It was all just pure love, and I just it's it's beautiful. Um respecting your position as his sister. I feel like this more so like goes to like not, like I said, like not over-exerting myself because I feel like sometimes people get that sense of entitlement, like, oh well, you well, you moved me in there and you made me get close, so I can do what the hell I want, and I don't care how you feel, you know what I'm saying? And I feel like that would have came more from like a hurt place than like, you know, because I feel like that would affect y'all more than anything. I I wouldn't want to come across as like I feel entitled to be in y'all space because I don't, I'm not entitled. And then they like, you know, like if y'all want me to be there, of course I would want to be there, but I don't ever want it to come off like I feel like I should be around, or I feel like I should have access, you know what I'm saying? Because I feel like that's not the case. I feel like if you guys want me around, I'm I'm all there for it. But like, how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Um, I feel the same way. I feel like just because you were given a chance, you shouldn't take like advantage of that chance.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

But like, no, yeah. I I agree with you.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

I agree with you. Yeah. Do you think like like mom and everybody would be comfortable like seeing me and stuff like that? Or do you feel like it would be like awkward?

SPEAKER_01 28:10

I don't think it would be awkward. I think it would be time to catch up and dwell on the past and the memories and the experiences. Um, especially with probably like Lima. Yeah. Because y'all was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

I miss her.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Sunday and Craig, like I miss her a lot, yeah. Everything like with me, I don't feel that type of way because I was young. Yeah. So like I didn't have that strong bond with you like you had with Lima. Cause y'all, you and Lima were like neck to neck, yeah. Like everything was close, but I don't feel that way.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Yeah. I I definitely have to reach out to Lima because I feel like the situation kind of just like forced us to drift apart because I like us, it was kind of more like more of these feelings were more towards her, like not wanting to, you know, cause issues with her and her brother, you know what I'm saying? Because they are more close in age and they were very close. And it's like, damn, how it like I really did feel like I was making her choose, you know, between me and him, you know, and then on top of that, like other side friendships, you know what I'm saying? Like that she's introduced me to, like, if those are not working out, like now, yeah, I feel like I'm making you choose between those, you know what I'm saying? Like, so now it was just like it was just a lot of built-up emotion, but like I feel like now that I'm matured, I feel like I can look back and just be like, damn, like I could have talked about talked through her through this with her, you know what I'm saying? We could have talked through this because we were real sisters, you know. So I definitely want to like take accountability for that and like reach out to her. So if you do watch this, they mama reach out to you soon because I missed you and I'm sorry, and you know, you're my sister still, you know. I love you. But um, yeah. This was emotional. But um, I wanna just say I didn't just lose a boyfriend, I lost a home. And I just want to know, did it feel like you lost a sister?

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Yeah, yeah. I mean, when you know when I said like the stranger comes into your life, like they become part of your daily routine. And once you start getting addicted to that routine and seeing them every day and living with them and breathing with them, like I was doing everything with you, whether I was like making breakfast or not. Yeah, like even if I wasn't with you, like you were still in my house, like I could walk into the room or I could be in the videos, doing YouTube videos, stuff in my mouth with marshmallows. Yes, like it was just like it didn't have to be big with us, like it could have been little, like even walking past you in the hallway, like after you left, like I'm walking past nothing, just doors and closets. So it was just like a um emptiness. Like I lost someone, like, yes, I did lose someone because it's not that easy, especially since I was like a little girl. You'll think she don't care that much. Like, no, like we noticed, like little kids notice, like little kids remember. So uh even though like we didn't have like that bond that like you and Lima had, like I still had my own little thing with you, whether I was a little girl or not. Like I had feelings on what y'all had, and I had feelings on not seeing you anymore. So, yeah, I did, yes, I did lose a sister. Like, I I grew up with you basically, like you really did, yeah. Yeah, like I literally matured with you at least halfway through. Yeah, so it was like, yeah, I did lose a sister.

unknown 31:11

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Well, you gave me back because I promise I'm not gonna leave again. I'm gonna be around and I'm gonna make sure I reach out to you and check on you because like I've been you know, I've been watching from afar. I just haven't like you know reached out and stuff like that because I just felt like I said, you know, I just did I just want to make sure I did it at the right time. So like when you reached out and you wrote me that day, I was like, Yeah, oh my god, like yes, like okay, I they don't hate me. Like, you know, like they're not, you know, like they they're not closed off to like seeing me. They're not, you know what I'm saying? Because I just felt like I was at a better space to be able to do that, you know. So yeah, I'm just I'm just happy we were able to do this. Like, I'm so thankful for this conversation because I know so many of y'all have probably gone through this, like where you even not just like a little uh sister, but like a a mother-in-law or a father-in-law or like just anything like that. Like, I know I miss denim like crazy. Like, she was so young, and like that was really like my niece. Like, I I literally looked at her like my niece, so it's it's a lot of emotions to like get through. So I'm sorry for being emotional, but this is butt talk, and we raw and vulnerable here, so I just have to talk about it, you know? Like, and and this was something real for me, and I should have I just love to like show my viewers who I really am and what I made this this podcast for. Like, I made it to connect with people and to just show people that it's okay to be vulnerable and that we all go through things, but like we just have to be there for each other, you know. So, thank you again for coming. And I appreciate you. Um if one day we naturally drift apart, like will you still be grateful that we stay connected?

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Of course. Um you know, God gives you blessings every day. The blessing one day was that we came in contact, we connected. Because it's not easy to find someone that you used to know, and it was just perhaps so easy for us to talk, and maybe it was meant for us to catch up and for us to dwell on the past together because that's something we went through together. Like, even if it was behind closed doors, like we were still in the house, I was still in the house.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

So yeah, yeah, nobody would understand our experience but us.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Yeah, I am grateful.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Yeah, for sure. I will forever be grateful, like I said. I'm gonna say that a million times, I'll forever be grateful for the experience because it's it's it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you don't get to experience genuine love you know from strangers, you know. That's not something like you know that just happens every day. So I'm blessed that we have have been accepted into a family that wasn't mine to begin with, you know? Um sometimes love changes form, sometimes family isn't defined by per permanence, and sometimes closure looks like honoring what was without forcing what isn't. And I feel like I'm glad that we are able to accept the past for what it was and accept that we can create our own future, you know? So thank y'all so much for this. Um, I do like to do a small segment. I know you is going to college soon, like you be reading. What's what's something you watched or read this week? You be reading? No. I'ma beat you. You need to be reading. You're about to be going to college. See, I'm on my big sister shit again. Hold on. Because you need to be reading. Oh no, I'm gonna give you a few books.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

I read uh the shade room teens. Oh god. We're dealt. It's like no, I'm just playing. It'd be a little messy. It'd be a little messy.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

I'll be reading the shade room, be reading TikTok videos, reading TikTok comments, you know, reading my work, reading essays, you know. That's all I'd be reading.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

It's alright. You're gonna get enough reading in college. They gon' they're gonna read you out for real. They're gonna I'm gonna be. Yeah, but I'm really proud of you, and I'm I'm really happy. I hope you got you get everything you deserve. I hope you get to thrive in the career that you want, and I know you will because you're just always so smart. You've always been very determined about anything you want to do. You've always been determined, and I just know you can do it. So thank you so much, and thank y'all for tuning in. And I will see you guys next time on Blunt Talk.