Healing isn’t always pretty: Spirituality vs Reality with Hadiya Kayy

What does healing really look like when nobody’s watching?

In this episode of Blunt Talk, I sit down with poet, healer, and digital creator Hadiya Kayy to have an honest conversation about self-love, spirituality, and the reality behind healing. We go beyond the aesthetic version you see online and get into the uncomfortable truths—unlearning, emotional growth, and facing yourself.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about the process.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing the work but still struggling, this conversation is for you. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Welcome back to Blunt Talk Podcast. I'm your host, Raya, aka Raya's Purpose on Instagram. Make sure you guys follow me and show me love and getting all back into the content. And make sure you guys support us on TikTok. Blunt Talk TikTok is linked in the description. So make sure you guys tune in there and shift over there for all your good clips, all your good moments from each episode. And make sure you guys tune in to Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to listen just on your way to work or on your way home, it's a vibe. But today, before we get into it, I gotta introduce my girl, my guest, and the topic of today. So today we have a special guest, Tadea Kay, a poet, a healer, and someone who's really using her words and her energy to help people tap into self-love and spirituality. Today we are not just talking about the pretty side of healing, we're getting into the real. What it actually takes to grow, to unlearn, and to face yourself. So today we're talking about how healing isn't always pretty. But before we get there, I need to let y'all get to know my girl. So we got some intro questions. First of all, where can they follow you and support you at?

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Um you guys can follow me on YouTube, Hadiah the Healer. I have Facebook, Hadiah the Healer, um, Instagram at TheRail Hadiah K, Twitter, K Droppin' Gems, goes to my social medias. Feel free to follow me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yes, no, don't feel free, do it because we fuck with her over here. So if you don't fuck with me, you don't fuck with her. You feel me? So just tap in. So before we get into today's topic, I want to get to know you. Like, we've been social media girls for a minute now, but we we're trying to, you know, make it in person. So what's something people misunderstand about you?

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Okay, so I would say something that people would misunderstand about me is me being like a social butterfly, but also being a little bit like resetting up my energy, being staying to myself at some times. Like I could be really talkative, I could really love being around people, but at the same time I do need a little bit of time to recharge and to recalibrate myself to get back in here and say hello and be all a people person. But I think yeah, that's that would be like one thing that people I was I would say probably misunderstand.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that because I'm the same way. Like, I'm people think because like I can get along with so many different people or like become friends with people fast that like I'm just naturally always on. Like, no, like sometimes I really need to be by myself. Like I get the moods where I'm like, girl, I just need to be in my room.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Like I need an off, I need an off switch. I need an off base for a little bit, yeah. And then when I come back on, I'm good. I'm good. But I think that would be probably like one of the things.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Yeah, I feel like that sucks when it's like you're a personable person because it's like they take that as like you just never want to be by yourself.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Like, no, I do, yeah, or like I not really like an attitude, but like maybe like you think you're better than you, like everybody else, and it's not that it's like sometimes I really, really do need the time to decompress and really get my thoughts together because you know, your mind be kind of going, and when you a business entrepreneur, you trying to strategize and get things going, it's like you gotta have days where you put that aside to focus on it. So I think that would be that's one thing, but I'm working on it. We people adjusting, so yeah, that's real.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

When do you feel most aligned with yourself and what throws you out of alignment the fastest?

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Oh girl, okay. I would say what puts me in alignment is I feel like being around like good people, laughing, um, really enjoying, like enjoying the moment and making memories, like really, I would say meditation, like trying to keep myself focused, maybe like also journaling, writing, like getting it all out. Like I really feel like I'm a get it out person. I feel like I spent a lot of time like holding things in, harboring in. So I feel like I use like writing, I use like my sessions with my clients, I use a lot of that to intertwine people to like, no, you know, it's good for you to get things out. It's good for you to don't bottle things in. Like a lot of us, we spent years, we spent like relationships, friendships, family ships, just harboring. Like, don't do that. Like, take the necessary time to, you know, declutter the clutter. Yes. What however that is for you, whether that's dancing, listening to music, running, you know, however that looks, I would definitely say, like, that's one thing that keeps me in alignment is staying like focused on my goals and knowing that, like, okay, it's it's me, but it's also like I have a little one that's looking after me, but also like there's other people that also need to hear these messages. There's other people that also need to keep it going, keep focused, keep motivated, and know that you know, yeah, everybody goes through things. We all have life lessons, we all have pain and trauma. We all go through things that's messed up sometimes, but that's not your story, right? That's not your period, that's just the next chapter, that's just the beginning of your next chapter, your next story, and you're the author of your reality, so don't let nothing hold you back. I would say that's the first thing. And then I would say, like, things that get me out of alignment is just weird people. And I say weird people, like people that don't know how to like communicate, like the lack of communication, lack of respect, lack of like uh just I feel like common sense is really lacking a lot of days. Like with our now, I'm not saying everybody, I'm not saying everybody in our generation, but it's just like for the most part, a lot of people don't really care about like how people feel. It's just like everybody just ripping and running, like it's just life, and it's like when people, oh well, so and so or this happened, this happened, it's like okay, well, y'all not really taking the time out to kind of like declutter and decompress and take a moment to sit your ass, sit, sit your ass down. Like, you just like just go on to the next. And I think not being not having a heart, I feel like that's the one thing that get like grinds my gears for real. Like, I don't like that. I like people that are really down to earth, I like people that like to make other people smile. I don't like bullies. I do, I think those are the things that really get my gears, but that's that's really about it. I feel like for the most part, as long as you continue to have like the right support system, and if you don't have a support system, try to find it. You know what I'm trying to say? Like, try to look at things that you do like, or if you don't have interest, try to find like what you may be interested into, or ask people, like maybe go to a new club or cafe, or you know, find certain things that look for it, yeah. And I think that'll make a lot of people feel more at ease if they have more outlets or if they have more good support systems and not just people that just be like, oh, I'm good, or I'm just there for you, or I'm just like a friend. Like a lot of people could label friend family lover, but it's like, are you really feeling those shoes? Are you really exactly being a stand-up individual? Like a lot of people beyond the surface level. Yeah, it's like I don't want superficial, I want deep, I want like meaningful, I want soulful, I don't want just superficial, just like laxy daisy connections.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

So I think that's really where and that's where I feel like we align so much, like on social media, because I feel like she's so like down to earth and she's very uplifting. Like, she ain't know me from a can of paint, and she will message me like um uh and I she won't I don't she won't even know I'm having a badass day, but she just messaged me and like uplift me and tell me how like I should have a great day and how how much of a important person I am and how I should just keep striving to be better and like just uplifting words, like and I'm that type of person where it's like I don't have to know you, know you to like see the light in you.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

And I don't got to.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

And I feel like a lot of people are like that. They even when they do see the light in you, they would never tell you because they rather just like I don't know, like people are just weird. They even said they weird, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

It's like you, I feel like you could clap. If I'm clapping for you, if I'm I don't have to, and I don't have to, my my my thing is this if if I see your value, if I know that you're working towards something, it doesn't even have to be business, it can just be you got an art, you got a talent, you got a skill set, and I know that you're good at that shit. I know that you really need support. Yeah, of course I'm gonna big you up. Like, and I feel like because I didn't really like, yeah, I had good support systems, but at the same time, I had to really push myself, like when it comes to my business and me believing. You know, I dislike, you know, because a lot of people don't believe in your vision, a lot of people don't believe in your mission. It takes like real good sacrifice and discipline for you to be like, okay, it's I'm still gonna do this, and I'm about to do it. Whether this person or this person falls off, whether this person, this person, whether I'm making money, but it takes a lot, and it's like it has to be respected and validated within self, and you know it, like, okay, I don't really need everybody else to validate me on what I'm doing as long as I know that I'm doing it, yes, I'm Gucci, I'm good, like, and I think that's it. But I I really, really strongly hope that everybody does like fill each other's cup after listening to this. And it's not just saying, Um, you don't have to, it doesn't have to be business. You could just compliment a person, like you could just say, like, smile at a person, hey, hope you have a good day. Like, literally, you don't know what a smile may do for a person. You may, you don't even know what walking by and you saying, Hey, like, I hope you have a good day. That may be that that little pick-me-up that somebody may need that day. Like, and that's just I just like to make people smile, make people feel like they're included in value, because like I said, I feel like a lot of times I was not seen, I was not valued, I was not heard. So my platform is really geared towards like uplifting people that I've not been seen, not been heard, like, and for you to be motivated to keep going. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

I'm telling you, if you tune into her social media, you're gonna see she's not capping about her rapping. She's literally that type of person on social media, off social media. Like, she's very uplifting and she's nurturing and she's pure and she's gonna give you your flowers, and she knows that giving you your flowers don't take away from hers, you know? And that's what we need. Like she said, we need more people with pure hearts out here. We need more people that know that it's okay to just be nice to other people, but I feel like it's just a lack of emotional intelligence that we have right now in society. They don't even know how they feel about themselves. So they don't know how to, you know, give that love to other people. So I think that's really what it all comes down to, just emotional intelligence.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

And that's why I, you know, you know what you're right, just to piggyback off that because I feel like when people lack emotional intelligence and they're not like, and I'm not saying you, you everybody just know right from wrong. You know like how to treat people, you know whether you know when it's wrong, yeah. Yeah, like whether you should be making somebody um smile, laugh, or whether if you don't like them, do you with them, move around? Like you don't have to keep doing the same thing or trying to like um antagonize a person or make somebody feel small. If you don't like their talents, if you don't like their message, you don't if you don't like their products, if you don't like their services, get the fuck around. Find something that you like, find something that is interested into you, and you you know that vibes with you. And I feel like when people like when people be rude to a person that is so self-aware and stuff, they think that you're gonna fight fire with fire. They think that you're gonna, and it's like, no, baby, I'm gonna I live my life, I'ma still be me. Have a blessed day, keep it pushing, like and I'ma just move around. Yeah, it's no need for me to have static with static. And I think that me, me applying that in my real life is been very good. Like I've been just I've been good, and I I feel like I'm just pushing that more so out there because I want people to really like put their best foot forward. It is not, it's not gonna take, it's not gonna be overnight. Self-love, self-value, putting yourself first is not gonna be like instant. It's not instant coffee, it's not like a microwave a little meal. It it takes time, it takes time to really get into the kinks of yourself and to really like get that out and cry and you know, break through those the trauma, the generational trauma, whatever. You know, the thought processes, ideologies, you know, it takes a lot, and you gotta be able to have the a strong mind. So it's kind of like you running a marathon, it's like you're conditioning yourself, you know, physically, mentally, and soulfully so that you all could be aligned.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yep, you have to unlearn to relearn. That's real. Yep, that's so true. Oh my god. Um do your poems come from personal experiences or energy you pick up from others? Take your time. You can try another girl. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

I would say um my poems really come off of personal, like, really come from like what I've been through or what I'm feeling at that time. If I'm going through something good, if I'm going through something sad, if I'm going through something messed up, like if I just need to be getting things out for like for therapy just to heal my heart, heal my soul.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Or just bearing it, you know? Like, I think yeah. So I feel like it's more personal. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

That's good. Because I feel like sometimes, like, I had another poet on here, and she said that like a lot of her poems, like, like she's done things about herself, but a lot of her poems come from like people venting to her and then like her channeling that for them because a lot of people don't know how to express the things that they've been through. So I just always like to ask people that, like, because I know we come across so many different energies and people, and like sometimes their energy comes on to us, and like it's like, damn, like, how can I, you know, help them heal through that, or how can I resonate with other people? Probably that's been through that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Yeah, no, you you're right, you're right. Because I do think, like, when I am writing certain poems, like I'm putting my real life experiences, but I'm also being uh like generally relatable for everyone. So like if it's like it's not too specific, yeah. If it's a poem about like uh let's just say empowerment, then I'll just put it all about like women as a whole instead of being like targeting a certain specific or something like that. But yeah, yeah. So I I get it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Have you ever been scared to share something you wrote? Like, have you ever wrote something that was a little too deep or too personal and you was like, hmm, I don't know if I want to share this.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Yeah, I I okay, so I had did a piece called Five Fingers and it was about my hand. That was the most hardest poem that I probably had to do because I had to go back in my childhood. I had to go back through like the like that emotion, like putting myself in there and then working my way through like the kinks and the cycles of like where I am and a woman that I am and but blossom into. So it was very emotional, but I think I needed to pull that emotion to like it could be deep, so y'all could like feel what I'm feeling at that time and like be relatable to the words, you know. Cause I feel like that poem was like about about my hand, but it was also about bullying, and it was all also about like it doesn't matter what you look like, it doesn't matter about like whether it's bullying about your skin tone, like uh something physical, something mental, something emotional, like it doesn't matter. You you are you for a reason, you're unique, you know. So just be you. It don't matter who or what say what, just be you.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yeah, I don't realize how you being so vulnerable, and I feel like sometimes that's our thing, like, and that's again why I started this podcast. Like, I like to be real raw and vulnerable because I feel like you never know what your vulnerability can do for somebody because everybody just thinks everybody's okay, and everybody just thinks that it's so easy, and you just all everything that you put on social media is just what it is. But it's like when people do things like that and and really show the hard truths like of their life and the things that they've really been through, that really shows people that they can get through things. So I feel like that is just admirable and courageous to you because even though it's scary, you know, like you, it was probably healing for you and healing for so many other people that either are going through the same thing you went through or something similar, like you said, my my weight, the way I look, the you know, the not getting boys' attention, being the odd boy, odd girl out, you know, just all those things. So I feel like that's that's courageous to you.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Well, I think you know, it really did, because I think it was moments like that piece took me a minute, like it took me a month to really get everything together. But I think like the the writing process was like you said it was healing because I did have to uh like face myself, you know what I'm saying? And but what pushed me was me saying like me writing this is gonna help somebody. Like if I say this, okay, if you could do this, then you know you could do anything. If you can get over this hurdle, then you know, people gonna really, they they gonna they're gonna understand like your emotion, they gonna understand a little bit why you a little bit sensitive, why you got your boundaries or your guards up a little bit more, like why it take a little bit more effort to get you, to you know, to be around you, like and I also feel like it would, like you said, be healing for other people, like it would push other people to be like, okay, if I if I got this or if I'm doing this, or if I'm like a little bit in my head about my myself or what whatever it is, that I'm still gonna move forward, I'm still gonna persevere and I can't.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Yes, yes. Oh my god, that's so good. I'm happy for you that you were able to do that and share that. Um what made you step into being a healer and a poet? And was that always in you, or did you get pain, or did pain bring you here?

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Yeah, I definitely say um well music is all I I grew up around music when my dad's side, and we always we always was around music from like me being a little. So I think me being a poet kind of came about with me like learning to speak, learning how to express myself and not being able to express myself the way that I could. Because of me being bullied, and because I didn't really have like a lot of good friends, or maybe I was like asking, I was asking for acceptance from a lot of people, and I had to realize like you ain't gotta ask acceptance of nobody, like you are you for a reason, and I think that um that yeah, that that was one of the things I feel like paying really for my poetry, and then I feel like um me also learning that my I had a like I had a voice, like when I hear myself or when somebody hears me like I shift my own emotion, I'll start crying, or somebody else will be like, oh my god, like I I need you to I need you to just say that. Like when I started understanding, like wow, my voice is really powerful, my voice is really like it can touch somebody. That's when I said, Okay, you know what, you gotta hit the ground running, you gotta keep going with this. Um, and I think with my healing, it's the same, the same thing. I feel like pain really brought me into an awakening. Like it wasn't like a breakdown, but it was a breakdown for a breakthrough. Like I feel like I wasn't really broken, bruised, but I became blessed through the bruising, like through me having to go through like the refining and the chiseling and everything. Like, and that and I think that's why I'm like at peace. I'm so at peace and calm. Now I'm not saying that like I I always you know, everybody has their good and bad days, but I feel like I'm perfect, but I'm growing, I'm I'm still evolving, yeah. And I'm learning how to apply things at a more like calmer level for myself, so I'm not like in fight or flight, yeah, and just going with the flow.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yeah, I can really resonate with that. Like, that's that's why I posted that post I did uh like just appreciate in my podcast because this started from pain. Like, this started from feeling like I don't have nobody to talk to, nobody understands me, nobody look at the sh look at the and it's like now so many people DM me and tell me how much they they love it and how much they resonate with the topics I do and how they they admire my vulnerability and all that, and it's like I'd be like, damn. I never thought it would be what it is, but it's like it really is pain turning to purpose, like it's really that. So I just feel like sometimes don't think that the things that you've been through, like you said, define you because yeah, half of the time it's God's plan for you, it's the way you're gonna get to where you have to be. Because without those things, I don't know if I would be the woman I am. You know what I'm saying? Without having to endure those things and persevere through those things, I don't know if I'd be who I am.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

And you're gonna get bigger. Like I'm just saying, like, God see you. God be seeing you work, God see you working hard. See what I'm saying? Like, girl, just so lovely. No, for real, for real. Like you, you're gonna be big. Like it this isn't just a platform. This is just like this is a a a forum for like many different people to really just release, to heal, to like get to get their products, to get their business out there, like to have them shine, but you shining just as well. Like you, man, man, just wait. That's all just wait. Just wait, girl, yeah. That's my girl. I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

She reminded me so much of me. Like I said, like I I love to pour into people, and I feel like that's why I always feel used in this day and age because a lot of people, like you said, they don't have that in them really. Like they're very self-oriented, and it's like that's why I knew, like, when when we first started interacting, I just knew I was gonna fuck with you because I'm like, yo, she's my type of girl. Like, that's that's my type of girl. Like, she don't know me from nowhere, but it really does not bother her. It makes her actually feel good to uplift me. And that's the type of person I am.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

And I wanted to see, I wanted to also show you because I feel like you had like a little defense. I you know, like a defense, but I feel like you were trying to see, like, okay, really, really, you know, like let me keep sharing and posting and messaging her so she's because you know how many people do that to me?

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Like, they'll be so nice to me in like the beginning, and it's like they'll act like they fuck with me, and then it's like and then they just all of a sudden start acting weird. Like when I'm reciprocated or when they realize I fuck with them too, they just start like, it's like it's like being in competition or like being weird, and it's like so. I do be having my guard up a lot with social media because people really put on a front. Like, people will make you, yeah, you never know, but it's like like you said, you was consistent, like you owe, like no matter what, like even if I just gave her a little like back or a little thing, she's still like, girl, I'm not um like girl, I you still doing good, girl. You still, yeah, and you still should have a great day. And you, yeah, and you, you know, like so. It's like that's how you know people are genuine when they're not looking for something back, you know what I'm saying? Like something in return. Like, and like I said, this podcast has been in a long way coming. Like, you know, like we've been talking about this for a while, and it's like she's never rushed me, she's never been like, oh, she, you know, fuck me because you still haven't put me on the podcast. Like, she still was uplifting me, still cheering for me every day, still supporting, like, and that's how I know when you're genuine, because you know what I'm saying? Like, you're not looking for some type of like valid validity from doing what you're doing or telling me what you're telling me, you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

Yeah, and it's divine time, and I don't be rushing nothing at all. Like, if it's not, if it's not for me, it's not for me, but I already knew when I started, when I started like listening to your episodes, I'm like, oh, this girl is the uplifter. I like that she empowers people. Okay, cool. Like, I like it. And then I just started like following you, I'm watching you. I'm like, okay, yeah, she's gonna get big. Like, I already knew, like, as long it look, yeah. That's all I'm saying. Like, look at the changes, look at the up, yeah, you're gonna keep going. That's what I'm saying. Like, sky the limit, especially. And I'm and I'm realizing too, like, when you are being awful. Authentically, you when you're really like pushing yourself to be like the best person that you can be, ain't nothing, ain't nothing nothing, nothing can stop you, nothing can shift, sway, nothing. Like God gonna handle everything every time. Oh my eyes. Every time, every time. So I think I just been real, just in a uh very thankful, grateful, happy energy.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

That's so good. And I'm happy for you for that. I'm happy that you you feel like you're in your purpose and you doing what you have to do because you don't realize how much you've helped me. It's helped me realize that there are good people, genuine people out there that don't just not just cause they know you, not just because they grew up with you, but they see you. You know what I'm saying? So that's my girl, y'all. She's gonna forever be my friend. But of course. Um when did you realize your words actually impacted people? When was that first time where you was like, dang, people really they listening to me?

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Like, I okay, I did a piece called Dear Black Men. Um, like years, years back. It was June Archer's, um, it was like for black men, black women um empowerment. So I that was my first time that I realized, like, wow, you know, your voice is going places, it could touch people. I didn't realize how many black men and black women needed to hear that, like, hey, black man, you need to heal, like, you need to heal too. It's okay for you to cry, it's okay for you to stand up, it's okay for you to get things out. And also, you know, black women, it's okay for you to not take such a stand of being so like, I'm not gonna say um attacking more so, but like when women are hurt, yeah, when women are hurt, we women have a tendency to like not think clearly. They have a tendency to try to hurt them back or hurt the paper. Like hurt hurt people, hurt people, and I I'm just gonna say, as black men and black women, they have to work together. And it doesn't have to be like I I don't judge. So whether you straight, saying, you know, LGBTQ, whatever. Yeah, it's just a whole thing of you learning who you are, learning yourself, learning the partner that you are, and uplifting them both. Like nobody should be tearing them down. Like, I'm tired of seeing people just keep tearing people down in relationships. Like, it's a lot of failed things, it's a lot of failed connections, friendships, business partnerships. It's like, why can't people get on the same page? Why can't people talk? Why can't people express how they feel? Like, what's what's the holdup? And a lot of it, like, like me and you've been saying, is emotional intelligence, is maturity.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

So and I feel like a lot of it goes back to like trying to compare each other's trauma or compare each other's hurt, like, oh well, black women have it worse or black men have it worse. We both were put in those positions where we felt like we had to survive, you know what I'm saying? So the reason why we're treating each other that way is not because of what we did to each other, and that's what we have to realize. Like, it didn't start with us just black men just hating us one day, or just black women just hating us. It's all a systemic issue. And once we realize who the real enemy is, we can stop looking at each other like that. And that's and that's something I had to even deal with because you know how many times I was in relationships and I'm talking down on the man I'm with. I'm the I'm the reason why he feels that way about himself. Like, yeah, you have to be real with yourself and know when you're the issue too, because a lot of women we point the finger, but we don't realize how we are, you know, a part of the problem, you know. So I feel like that's so real. Like, it took me a lot of times and even fair relationships, failed friendships, for me to realize that it's not always the other person. Sometimes you have healing to do because you're projecting those things onto people, you're putting them down and making them feel less than when they're really a reflection of you. That's your partner. You know what I'm saying? So you should want them to feel just as good about themselves as they feel about you. And that's that's the real thing I feel like black women are missing out on is the fact that if you want your black man, your black brother to like treat you a certain way, you have to instill those things into him. He you have to remind him who he is sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Because sometimes they've forgotten who they are, just like how we forgot who we are, how powerful we are.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

And you know what that's true. I feel like there's been a a disconnect with like with the affirmation piece, with the like just and it's not like about the sex, it's like intimacy. Like it's about sensual, like, okay, if you see me, if you value me, I need you to like rub my feet, rub my back, you know, and tell me how pretty I am. Because I'm gonna do the same thing to you, you know. For your man as well, girl. For your man as well. You better do it. Like, do it. And then, and I feel like there's a lot of like just misconceptions, like men have to do this. First of all, stop doing this. It's not, I'm not trying to say like men have to, men have to and women have to. It should just be a 50-50. Like, stop doing that. Like, if you in a relationship, if you messing with somebody, dating somebody, situationship, whatever, know that it needs to be a 50-50 thing, or if not, they're gonna get the fucking one, and you have every right to do so too. Like, realize that too. You have a willpower in dating, dating feel like people be saying, like, you gotta be put all your eggs in one basket, or maybe um like dating is like being exclusive with one person. No, date is you getting to know more than one person. You're not fucking, you're not doing all of that, you're dating, you're conversing, getting to know and genuinely getting to know to see if they're compatible emotionally, mentally, like spiritually. A lot of people miss that. Yes, and they just rush into the thing. And I and I say, and I feel like that was my with my failed relationships, and just it just was giving too much, overgiving, like over loving, over caring. And I had to be on my boundaries, like, you know what? I'm a good person, I'm amazing, but if you're gonna fuck with me, you're gonna do it because you're genuinely wanting to, not because I'm sitting here. I'm providing certain things and providing you, and you're just saying here, like, yeah, like no.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah, yeah, I agree. And I feel like to piggyback off what you just said, like a lot of times, 50-50 looks different for everybody. Like, I feel like you look on social media and you might see how this couple does things, and you're like, oh, that's the right way to do it. No, you need to find someone that's aligned with what your morals morals and values are because there's always somebody with a different perspective. So one man, him paying all the bills and you taking care of his kids, and all that might be the 50-50. To another man, okay and you working and him working is his 50-50. To another man, you know, it might be this. So you can't put a label on shit. Whatever makes you and your man happy is what makes y'all happy. It's not nobody else's fucking business. And at the end of the day, as long as you feel content and happy in your relationship, don't let nobody tell you, oh, I have to be put up, I have to be this, that I can't buy my man nothing, I can't. No, if that's what you and your man have decided and y'all are happy in those terms, that's what it's supposed to be. You, him, and God is all is in your relationship. Okay. Not you and social media. So I feel like that's where a lot of women get it fucked up too. They think everybody has to be on the same accord. No, we all are different. We all have different ones and ease and values.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Different things. Like, so one female may say, okay, I want a condo, the other girl may say, I'm cool with a farmhouse. Yeah, or I'm not even focusing on a house. I'm trying to get land. Like somebody, like, people might be having like different things and I feel like they want their life to look like. And go on your budget. Date people in your budget, date people that's just like if you're trying to date outside your means. Yeah. And if you know, like, if you know, like you a bum and messed up and not all the way to here, how do you expect a man to have way more than you? Please get yourself together before going towards people. This is men, women, whoever. Please stop projecting. Yes. Don't go to people when you just now get in your life together, or you just broke up with something, got out of something, trying to rebound. Like, please just mentally take a check, reality check yourself before you start talking to anybody. Because it's a lot of people that be having like misconceptions with just dating and talking and conversing, and they be mad when you set up boundaries, or you be like, okay, nah, I'm good. Like, this is not working for me. This is not what it's not aligning, it's not giving.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

When y'all come into relationships, like you said, projecting. Now he just broke. How? Now he just don't got shit. How? Like, girl, no, that's not the case. It's just he is setting his own boundaries. He's looking for a certain type of woman, you're looking for a different type of man, y'all not aligned. That's just that. But why why try to project like how you feel about it's just annoying, especially because it's mainly the bitches that don't got their own shit together. And it's that's what we're getting me upset. Cause it's like, if the the girls that really have a purpose in life and have and know what they want to do, we're not worried about official shit. And that's why I be trying to tell people like why me and do for me. But like, you know what I'm saying? But like, but but I don't make that like a obligation. Like, it's not an obligation, it's because he wanna do that. You know what I'm saying? It's not like, oh, you a bum if you don't, if you don't get that for me, no, but if you don't do this for me, if you don't do that for me. And that's what I'm gonna do. 100, 100. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Y'all gonna do for each other because that's what y'all do. It's people out here that sit here and try to like portray or like like you said, oh well, since I have a girl, I have a man, they gotta do this. They don't have to do anything. If you if you're in a relationship and it's like you're doing for them and they feel comfortable, they feel like you're worthy, you're valuable, exactly this, they will do it. Stop asking people. That's for men, for women. They're gonna treat you how they want to treat you at the end of the day. And so find a lines. Exactly. And then show show a person how to treat you. If they're not treating you how you want to be treated, show them how how to treat you.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

I feel like a lot of women too, and not even just women, let me not even say that, because men too. I feel like we get in relationships with people based on the surface level, the superficial. Yeah. And then you don't set your boundaries from jump. You don't tell them what you like, what you need, what you want in the beginning. But then as time goes on, you expect them to just figure it out. And I feel like that's not how dating works. Like you said, you post up date, get to know somebody, express your wants, express your needs, express your boundaries, what you, what you, what a relationship looks like to you, what you want a relationship to look like in five years, what you want, you know what I'm saying? Like what you're involved in, like what's it? Because that's how you're gonna know if this is even worth your time. For real. You know what I'm saying? Like, and it doesn't mean that person is not a bad man or a bad, you know what I'm personally? Y'all not aligned. And I feel like that's where a lot of people are misconstruing, like men and women. Y'all get in with people for who they are, and then when months and years go down the line and they're still who they are, you're trying to change them the whole time. And you can't change nobody. That's not gonna work. You can't change nobody. That's who they are, that's what they want, and they're only gonna do what they want. People gonna do what they want.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

And you gotta show, you gotta make sure that you're on point and aware within yourself to know your values, your morals, what you're gonna tolerate, what you're not, and speak on it and don't be scared. And I'm saying that because I used to not say nothing. So I'm talking for the girl that did not really know how to use their voice and then came into their voice, and now you just popping your shit, continue to pop your shit. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Okay, and not even that, I feel like also it goes back to like now that we are doing more healing and stuff, we know our worth. Like a lot of times as young women, we don't know that we we have choices. We don't know that, like, our like we've seen, you know, people in our families or our our cousins are just deal with things that they probably shouldn't be dealing with or that we know that they are too good for. And we just think, oh damn, women are supposed to just deal with whatever man, whatever, whatever man wants me, and I feel like looks the way it's he's supposed to look or acts the way he's supposed to act, I have to put up with what he wants. That's not that's not life. No, you are just as much in control of your destiny as he is, and that's why men end up getting into better relationships because they know that they have the power to walk in and out whenever they want to. They know that they have that, they have that self-worth where they know I'm the prize too. I know that this is my life too. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like us women, we settle time and time again because we feel like we can't choose, we can't pit those boundaries, we don't have that right. And maybe that goes back to you know how life used to be, where like women really didn't have a voice or words, and I feel like, or like bank accounts or like you know, stuff like that. Like we really didn't have our sense of self. And I feel like that's what it really goes back to. But we in a new day and age boo. We in a new day and age boo. Like, like we is really like we really put it on.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Females are really making a major change though. Just like you said, like they females never really used to, they didn't really speak up. They didn't get a view, they was being told like when to work, what to do, what to cook, like, okay, have my babies. You feel me? Asking for the money, I gotta ask for the card to go grocery shopping. Like, you've seen a lot of women, bosses, entrepreneurs, making moves, like doing things, like you know, having households, like making moves, and it's commendable because I feel like we're in an era where we could see that. Like, I'm so happy to be alive to see, like, wow, like women are really like powerful, like we could, we could do it. We could come together and do it. It doesn't have to be a like uh doggy dog, or like we could we don't have to tear each other down. We could tilt each other crown, we could fix it. We could like we could be all to be together. We all eat, like, and I feel like that's that's the main thing right now is making sure like people are around people that really genuinely like love and support and pour into them and or find it, like I said, and continue to try to find it until it works or until it aligns.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Oof, you better clock that shit, you know. First of all, we I feel like we already getting into the nitty-gritty, but let's let's transition, alright? So we got to know you a little bit, you know. Um, but on Blunt Talk, we do not stay on the surface for too long, okay? So listening to you talk is clear that you've done a lot of inner work. And I feel like a lot of people see the result of healing, but not what it actually takes to get there. So a lot of people talk about healing like it's an aesthetic. What's something about healing that people don't talk about enough?

SPEAKER_03 35:09

Okay, the fact that your mind, like, when you actually choose the heel to try to like work on yourself, your mind will make you feel like you're not making the right choice. Or you'll start having like as soon as you cut somebody off, like, and I'm just I'm talking to y'all, right? Y'all, y'all, y'all never see how like when y'all cut somebody off and when y'all try to like when y'all put y'all boundaries down, they'll try to the person, the situation will like pop up even harder or try to like bombard the energy and bombard your like space, and it's like uh-uh, I just said I see the boundaries I just said no, like I'm good. Um, so I think that's the that's one of the things will be just like your mind trying to play tricks on you, and you're having some really, really, really like, okay, I'm not going crazy, I'm not, I'm not all up in my head. Like, I did make the right choice for me. I'm good. It's just they it's just a situation of me being familiar with what's a custom, me being familiar with trauma and pain, and I cannot look back there no more. I cannot look back at what has broken me because I just prayed out of it. So why am I gonna do that? And I I think that one, one, two, I would say the loss of people and how they come back, like the the flip-floppiness. Like, I've been through so much things, like I could count, I I don't really have a lot of close people around me. Um I if you're around me, you're my family and you know you know who you are. Okay, but it's kind of like I don't really have a lot of people around me just for the simple fact that I I don't know if it's just my personal the per my personality of me just being disappointed so much and me having to like build myself back up, like build my own confidence, build up my own um talents and skill sets to the point where it's like okay, I don't I don't know how to really trust people because I feel like when I was open, when I was loving, you know, it was kinda yeah. So I think with that scary part of healing would be just like the flip-floppiness, like you heal, and then people will come back around trying to think like the same ways or the same um actions, the same environments, the same thought processes, like they can still get you in the same way, and it's like baby, I heal, like just cause I'm saying hi, just cause I'm laughing, like just cause I'm nice or time, that doesn't mean that I'm like right, and I think that that was that's a lot, that that was a lot of like I I feel like the flip-floppiness of people and I'm just trying to yeah. So I would say that the healing, healing that part of me. Yeah, and yeah, I think that would be yeah, that's about it.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

I agree. I feel like going back to what you first said, like a lot of people find like peace and chaos because that's all they've ever known. Like when they're trying to heal, they end up feeling like they're doing something wrong because it's so unnatural to them. The feeling of that is so unnatural. Like they they've been in nothing but toxic relationships. So when they get in a relationship that's healthy, they think this is weird. They think, oh, he must not like me because he's not yelling at me, he's not arguing everything. He's not controlling, he's not telling me what to wear, he's not, you know what I'm saying, trying to change me. Like, and I went through that too, like with friendships, with relationships, thinking that these people didn't really like me because they weren't being toxic, they weren't being overly bearing and overly controlling, trying to dictate who I am and how I show up, and you know, stuff like that. Like, that goes back to just you being comfortable in chaos, like because that's it's a survival tactic. Like, once that's all you know, you begin to think that's normal and you normalize these behaviors and you normalize how people are treating you, no matter how bad it makes you feel. You you end up feeling like you're the problem for for taking it so personally. Yeah. And I feel like that's something I really, really struggled with because I was just like, damn, like, if this is what the right thing to do, why does it feel so hard? Like, why does it feel so unnatural? Why do I feel so sad? Yeah, like sad. Like, why do I why do I still miss those people that hurt me? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 39:11

Like, oh, oh, yes, okay. I've I've been realizing that the reason why we will miss them or like that, the emotion will come up is because it's like they they were a part of us, they were a part of the owned us, they were a part of the us that didn't know better, right? Like we were an adolescent, we were a baby, so we really didn't know better. But now, as we have grew and we have outgrown certain people in situations and environments, it's a sadness because dad, we did let it go. Like, look at where we are, look at where we blossom into, and it's like, yeah, we wanted to uh uh you know, I'm pretty sure me and you both had people that we'll be like we wanted to grow with them. Yeah, I want you to be right here with me, but I want to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

I be getting emotional sometimes, y'all. I be getting real emotional because there's some people that I thought was gonna be with me to the end. And it's like and then I be thinking back now, I'll be like, damn, I really wish you was here. I really wish that I could have you a part of what I have going on, but I cannot, like for me, for my sake, for my piece. And it's like it's sad, it makes you sad because you like, damn, like even if you would just grow, like just on your own. Or just you know what I'm saying? But people don't even try.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

And I'm not, and I, and I'm I'm not in the business of of trying to force it, force or enable no more. Cause I feel like my thing was I would force, like, I love so hard, I care so hard. If I see that you like, come here, come, come here, and I'm gonna show you. But it's like a lot of people are not ready. They're not ready. And I had that that was a heartbreaking thing for me to realize it's like I gotta let these people go. Like, they're not ready, they're not ready, and I I was ready. So, this whole time that I'm sitting here thinking that we all gonna do it, it's just it wasn't their time. It wasn't, it's not their time to blossom, it's not their time to get what they needed to receive right now, and maybe it's cuz we're uh when you outgrow y'all on different two two lines, two paths. Yes, but it's hard when you like dad, that's my childhood friend, that's my sister, that's my brother, that's so and so like dad, like why why y'all had to be okay? Like, why why y'all couldn't just support me from the beginning? Why y'all couldn't just believe in me from the beginning? Why I couldn't see the vision from the beginning?

SPEAKER_01 41:17

Why can't y'all just hear me when I when I was crying out for help? Why couldn't you just understand me?

SPEAKER_03 41:21

Why, why y'all gotta come back around? Why y'all gotta double back and start? And still be the same person. And then make me question if I did all the work. And I did, but it's like you're not gonna, and that that's that's what I that's when I realized I healed. When people would come back and I realized like I had no hate in my heart.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

And I realized that they were disheveled, something in their spirit was disturbed because I'm not a part of it. Like I they don't have me no more. They I can't they can't call me, don't they? I'm not giving advice, I'm not giving it. I'm good. And I think that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Yo, that's so freaking real. Like, you don't know how many people reach out to me, and like I would I used to always be like, oh, I'm gonna curse that bitch out, or I'm gonna, and it's like I don't even have it in me. It's like I'm so like, I'm more hurt than anything. Like I'm more like unsettled about that. Like, why would you why would you hit me in the heart like that? Like, why would you come back because I wouldn't have to be like because I know I can't deal with you? But like certain people that like maybe they've grown, but it's like too much has happened, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

It's too much damage that has been done.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

Some people like they've grown a little bit and they've taken accountability, but it's like so much has happened between us that like I can't forgive that. I could it's not even that. I can't, I can't act like I could never be able to forget that. Yeah. Like I can't. I'm forgiving you, I can't. But we can never be what we used to be because of how much has gone on. And that's the most painful part too, because it'd be like, damn, like, yeah, you are different now, but it's like those memories will always be there. Like, like you've done things to me that I never thought you would do. And now it's like I can't ever undo that, you know? Like, even if I wanted to, you know, and that's why a lot of relationships, too, like after certain things have gone on, even when they're both trying to fix it, yeah, they can't, because the memories is still there. Even when they want to forgive, even when they want to let it go, you can't because certain things are just too deep and too personal. And and that's why I really believe in like even when you're angry, even when you're upset, to really think about the things that you say and do, because don't stick with people. Like, yeah, people don't understand there's things that people have said to me 10 years ago that I remember like yes, it brings to my eyes. Like, you know what I'm saying? So I be trying to tell people like you really have to like just be more aware, and like if you really love people, treat them like you love them.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

And it's like don't just don't just discard them, don't treat them like trash. And it's like I feel like because I've been treated like trash, and I had to like know you're not trash. Yeah, you're not trash. They're just wanting you to view as trash. But then it's like you go through the mind of like, Am I trash? Well, they they said it for all this time, and then you start like, okay, un unpeeling everything back, and you realize you a flower. You're like, oh my god, I'm really a flower, and then that would make you. be like I don't want to be around nobody. And it's not really like I'm cold, it's I'm discerning. I'm a very lighthearted person.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

But not everybody's gonna get this same person. Girl, discerning is the key. Like just like how you were saying earlier, like how like I came off with that little wall because it's like I don't know who to trust. But I don't know when it's like and it's like I can't really trust my emotions sometimes. I can't really trust like just the surface level sometimes of what I see because what you see can be deceiving.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Deceptive, yeah. And I and I sometimes will have my my heart so big and I'm sitting here thinking we cool, we good, and then it's like in reality they think of something in the background and I it took me a minute to kind of figure it out. But it's like oh okay now I gotta stop talking to you.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

And now I'm attached and now I actually thought we had something like I thought we were cool. Like I thought we was going somewhere like and now it's just painful you know yeah yeah I get it.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

What's the hardest truth you had to accept about yourself during your healing journey that I'm probably gonna be alone during like the healing journey and it sucks but it sucks sometimes knowing that when you really are trying to like get you get yourself to a higher level and you know just trying to like learn more and apply it apply yourself yeah and the lessons learned like a lot of people are not gonna understand like the walk. They're not gonna understand why you did this, why you're making these moves, why you're moving here, why you took this job, why you took this leap of faith they're not gonna understand it. And I feel like I've been through a life of like they didn't understand me. And it's like I'm just sitting here trying to tell people like hey I I understand you can you understand me? Yeah I understand you can you understand me I understand you and it's like nobody didn't understand that understanding no nobody didn't understand me and I'm just understanding everybody. And then it's like now it's like oh Kayla now now I understand you. Now and it's like I I don't need it don't need it. I I think that's the the hardest part is me realizing it's a strength yeah it's a strength in a in like a a real a a good reality check because I feel like you need to be alone like I had to learn how to be alone I was one of the per people that had a whole bunch of people around like I had to learn the quiet noise and be okay be comfortable with my solitude be okay and that took me a minute like I started my healing journey in 2016 so it was a lot of people in and out like that I still was dealing with and still had around but then by like 20 2019 2020 I was kind of like already like okay with being by myself to the point where like when 2023 2024 came around it was like oh well if you're here then you're here if you're not then you're not if you're around then you're around if not and of course you know life is life you go through shit but it was more of a a a better perspective when yeah someone does do something it's more like oh okay I get it yeah yeah that's that's real have you ever felt like you were healing but still repeating the same cycles yes with certain relationships and friendships girl definitely definitely because sometimes we bump our head we make mistakes sometimes I make like talk to somebody I'm not supposed to talk to like I miss somebody I I text them I call them like I mess up or this dick it can even be like with me wanting to like fully stop smoking that was a big that's a big hurdle like um and just not wanting to go back on my word on that but standing firm on that because it's a mind thing it's a strengthening thing and you know uh the clarity that I've been getting and I feel like in my I'm learning in moderation and then done. So I think that I I feel like yeah learn learning by trial and error hitting my head and realizing like okay I don't want to be in this space I don't want to feel like this I don't want to be in this mental space like I want to feel like this I want to be happy okay so how is that gonna look how is that gonna feel what is that gonna what are you gonna do what actions are you gonna take so I think yeah that that was more me like putting feet to the ground like you you gotta make certain actions if you want to be peace you can't have chaos you can't have things that hurt you you you and my mind is my worst enemy sometimes I can sit down and be all happy and then start crying like why you so sensitive bitch what's going on like so I be sitting here like sometimes fighting with myself and telling myself like like I said like okay Kayla you gotta get out your mind so go meditate go run like go play go let's go get your son let's do this let's do that like getting out getting out that that's my main thing is trying to like um have creative outlets positive outlets that is like more conducive to like where I'm going right now and I think that I've been doing great on it and just like taking it step by step day by day.

SPEAKER_01 48:49

That's it that's all I can that's all I can say y'all that's all I can say I feel like that's true like when you're healing and you you're telling yourself all the things that you want for yourself and which you want for your future you have to realize that it's a choice. Like it's not a a one day fix and it's a daily choice that you have to make that I can't if I want to heal if I want peace if I want this if I want that I can't choose chaos every day. Yeah I can't if this is what I really truly want why am I choosing this? Yeah like that you have to ask yourself these questions and then I like you said get it out like get it out let out those emotions because it's okay to to miss things that are not good for you. Like it it's human it's literally human for you to like fall short like the the flesh is something hard to overcome because your mind plays tricks on you. Like she said like when you're healing it will make you feel like you're tripping. Like it really will make you feel like you're tripping because your body is so used to using those things to cope. Yeah so now that you don't have those things you really have to it take you a long time.

SPEAKER_03 49:45

It's like oh sh it's like like you a newborn baby and you naked you like what the what's going on you feel so vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

Yeah like you you're feel you feel so weak and vulnerable at those moments because you like damn like how am I gonna do this? Like this is so hard. Like and it's like you just have to keep choosing those good habits choosing those good replacements in of the chaos because then it'll just become this is my new happiness. This is really what I've been wanting all along this is how I've been wanting to feel all along like I told y'all when I quit smoking like I literally told myself like I I don't I'm not gonna be able to do it. Like at first I was like I'm not gonna be able to do it like I'm not it's it's too hard I'm not gonna be able to do it. And then every day I just told myself if this really what you want you can do it. Right. If that's really what you wanted to do you can do it. And then every day I just woke up and said I don't want to feel like this I don't want to look like this I don't want to I wanna get my old self back I want to be my old happy self and it's like how how do I do that? Stop smoking. That's the thing that was fucking me up like physically I wasn't happy with my appearance because I wasn't eating the way I was supposed to I was getting too skinny and I and I knew I had it in me to look healthy and vibrant the way I used to and it's like it was just eating at me.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

So it's like if this is what's not making you happy you have to choose right like whether it's this is your comfortability right you're totally right because even with like like I said I told you like I'm trying to stop smoking myself and just the weight fluctuating like I'll gain weight and I'll lose weight and it's like I know I'm a thick per I'm a original thick person. So like it's like you it don't really feel like me but it's like okay once you like you said once you have in your mind like okay I want to change I want this I want this it's like it's easier and like I said I'm very thankful for even like watching the episodes and stuff because it's like it gave me more of an outlet to like use my time right because when you smoke when you're drinking whatever whatever this is that you're overindulgent in right it doesn't even matter what it is right you gotta replace it with something and then yeah you may slip up you may hit your head right have grace with yourself you are human no one's perfect we're imperfectly perfect we're a human person living a spiritual experience so realize like when you mess up it's okay just choose to like let's do left like let's let's make another or let's make another change let's let's do another way when this happens what how is this not gonna happen again exactly how am I gonna prevent it and I think that yeah like you've been helping me just like how you say I'm helping you you've been pushing me too so that's why I said like it's it's it's good like I'm I'm getting here and I know like like I said when it finally happened I'm message you like girl yeah girl like you did it boo huh like I'm gonna be like you did it boo yeah like see I told you to do it like okay I'm telling you what's something you had to unlearn about love or yourself ooh okay so I think one thing I had to unlearn about myself and love would be one thing I had to learn about unlearn about myself is that I am beautiful the way that I am like in love and all and that's just that's what it is yeah and I think that when it comes to love I had to realize that I the way that I love it has to be reciprocated from people that not just not just look at me as like they want to just value like not just one or another.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

I don't want someone to just value me or someone to just like like like a trophy yeah like a a dream girl or just to appreciate me for the moment like I I want everything all at one you know so I think I had to unlearn that when you really have a deep love or a deep soul you just you you gonna wait it out because the right soul is gonna be attracted to you know and it's gonna come so yeah I agree I feel like sometimes we we get caught in like the superficial love and we don't realize like you're not always gonna look this way boo you're not always gonna you know you might get an illness you might lose a limb you might something can happen something can happen and it's like you would want somebody that loves your soul yeah because they're never gonna leave you out in the dirt they never gonna look at you differently they they're gonna be there like that reminds me of this couple that I seen on social media who they had just got married they only been married like I think like not even a year or something like that and his wife got into a car accident and she became like she can't speak she can't walk she can't do none of that and she can slowly like it's gonna take a long time but it's like a lot of rehabilitation that they have to do he has to take care of her a lot of ways and it's like you know how many men or women would leave their partner that it would be too much for them because they didn't truly love the soul. You know what I'm saying? They loved what that person looked like what the person could do for them and it makes me emotional watching them girl because it's so it's so sweet and uplifting like she deserved that and it's so beautiful I'd be like yo that's that's love like that's when a man can still love you no matter like that should make me emotional girl because no no I like I was like girl um it is beautiful I'm gonna send you their page but it's it's so beautiful like he he's documenting the whole journey and he's just like I'm just grateful that I still have my wife like I'm just and I'm just like that's you know but that we all praise yes like we don't put that like a storybook love like that's that's the type of love like I feel like they if if they have like nieces and nephews you know I'm trying to say that's the type of love like I would strive for like look like do you see what he's doing like he's putting his whole life like in and you know what I'm saying because a lot of people are selfish a lot of people won't do that they're not gonna put their life on a point away yes truly I watch them all the time and it literally makes me much I'm like bro this is what social media don't show like they show all this puppy love shit they show all this that my man buys me this my man buys me that oh my god but when that man it has to take care of you when that when you get an illness when you lose a limb when you get into a parts and then that alters your braid is he gonna be there is are you gonna be there for him if he just like another couple her man lost both his legs she's still there you know what I'm saying like that's love like that's real love. Like you that y'all y'all thriving y'all searching for the wrong kind of love and that's the problem like y'all and this is why things don't ever work out because as soon as he sees your flaws as soon as he sees what he don't like something that instead of working through that with you instead of trying to build you up and you build him up y'all tear each other down or y'all put me one over a pedestal over the other and that's not love. Love is loving you for who you are on the inside and for who you truly are who you're gonna be and I feel like that's just something like that's like I every time I see them I'm like that is what I look for that's what I'm searching for.

SPEAKER_03 56:34

I don't want nothing that's not that's not you know like just doesn't feel like forever for my soul like you got like a performance every day. Like I'm gonna feel like a princess every day. Like I want to feel like I'm walking into my own story.

SPEAKER_01 56:50

Yeah and I'm not it doesn't have to be like superficial it's really like that intimate feeling.

SPEAKER_03 56:55

Yes and it and it's not saying like I'm I I want to be just like I it's like you create your own story just like we've been talking about like however y'all want to live however y'all want to be that's how y'all gonna be but I want to be able to feel like I'm floating I'm I'm in a carriage like we in a car with you we got horses and it's not real horses we're in a car but I just want to be feeling like that all the time.

SPEAKER_01 57:13

Like I feel like everybody deserves to feel real genuine love and shout outs to everyone that are in committed um real relationships loving genuine relationships shout outs to everyone that are single dating trying to find a one okay I am rooting for you I'm rooting for me too okay I'm rooting for us and don't be fucking making fun of me because I'm tired of y'all fucking deal me talking about Maria why the fuck you cry bitch because I'm a mother I'm a Scorpio bitch don't piss me off she can and this real wrong because this is button talk okay so and I and if she's crying that's okay. I'm an empath okay I don't give a fuck I be I I see a motherfucking dog get hit by a car in a fucking in a real and it could be in it and I'ma start crying like I just I am a cry baby so leave me the fuck alone and move on bitch. That's okay.

SPEAKER_03 57:55

But okay how do you feel like do you feel like spirituality can sometimes be used to avoid real emotions yeah I feel like sometimes people could be like oh well because I'm this sign like there's a lot of people and I'm not trying to look you know like I'm a I'm a I'm a a realist you know but some people be like oh well because I'm a I'm a Libra I'm a I'm a Virgo I don't I'm a this and it's like everyone astrology every individual has their own like way emo yeah emotional like DNA like their own like little path so you're gonna if there's two Scorpios in a room you're gonna be emotional yes she may she may be emotional too but the way that you are maybe different because show it differently may be different because of your birth chart because of like your moon in your rising you may have air you may have fire so you may be a little bit emotional yes but then you like okay yeah what up and then the next person may be a little bit like cry cry cry but just keep doing it and do it so it it it doesn't it it I feel like it really depends on the individual but I definitely can say a lot of people will try to like use that as a means to like deflect or to not share their true emotions or to not be true and be like oh well I'm a I'm a this so I'm just not gonna like no you're still obligated to speak. Now don't get me wrong we all have willpower we all can have a choice to say yes and no but come on now you know whether you should be communicating with somebody so definitely yeah yeah I agree I feel like people literally I feel like not even spirituality I feel like it's mostly religious people.

SPEAKER_01 59:39

Yeah they make it seem like they just they just perfect all the time and they don't really be feeling nothing and that should be pissing me off because I be like I'm a God fearing woman and it's like I don't claim no religion but I'm very spiritual like I feel connected to my to my creator and I feel like that is the most emotional like really feeling connected to the higher power and feeling connected to every emotion and every thought and every like that's an emotional process every day. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like when you say that it's not you're just being it's not genuine because having a real relationship with God is very it every day is a battle because you constantly want to be better. You constantly want to do better.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:18

It's sacred and it's not something like I'm tired of people trying to say like what a spiritual person or a religious person is supposed to look like or be or act or live like baby I'm human. I'ma live a human experience I'm very spiritual but best believe whatever path and purpose God ancestors put me on we're gonna go down and nothing is gonna sway that and I think that a lot of people when they get into like spirituality religion it's like oh well one is higher than the other or one is right than the other nothing is right everything is based off of love. Everything is based off of love and being a good person and showing people the true your true self so all the people around you are reflectors of who you are and I feel like it's so much just division and I think that's why I really be to myself because a lot of people be like oh well you read you did it judge your and it's like you didn't even ask the question you didn't even ask my name you just read your healing and you're judging me or you see me on YouTube with cards. I don't have to have cards so how about that? And it and I just feel like when people just you know they they judge without knowing but you also realize when you are walking with God ancestors they judge them too they judge them too. So y'all just following the prophecy y'all just following certain stories and we just living it out in our actual life. So and I think that's why I'm just cool with a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:49

I swear I feel like it all goes back to like first of all God said come as you are so all that trying to put a label as to how you gotta show up and how you have to dress and how you have to act now that God said come as you are. As long as you're pure in what your relationship wants to be with all he's gonna he's gonna conform you intoever he wants you to be so it may not look pretty from the beginning but that don't mean you have to judge that person. Because you don't know what their personal relationship is with no you don't know what they do every night the the talks they have with him in the room by themselves. You don't know that. So I hate when I see people like talk about people like in a certain way or make themselves seem higher than another person because they go to church every damn Sunday. When whole time you the one that's really doing the shit behind closed doors. Okay. And that's why you're projecting so much because you you feel guilty so you have to keep you keep having to speak your your relationship with God so much because you want to make the other person feel like they're you're doing more because you know you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. So how about you mind your business and worry about your relationship with God and let everybody else have their relationship with God because like I say he said come as you are not how everybody wants you to come. We're not he's not a God of the world he's a God of spirit so therefore if he's in my spirit he's in my heart and it has nothing to do with how where I go or if I go to church every Sunday that has nothing to do with you or anybody else.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:02

Yeah I don't like I think and I and I and I don't go to church every Sunday so I'm I'm a firm believer I give you like thing like I'm a firm believer like you can't tell me God don't work to me. Y'all like God ain't saved my heart is too pure for you to ever make me feel like I'm not okay God in me. I'm not nothing other than or I I'm not walking I'm not walking the walk like you can't you can't tell me that you can't tell me what it looked like for me. Like a lot of people will miss will miss the fact that when God really do save you when God and spirit guys really start talking to you your your whole life shifts. It's not it's not like you're the same you're a completely different person. Like when they say the old you is gone and dead it's gone and dead and then the new you will rise up and that's the same it's it's cycles and you're gonna keep ascending keep right you know and it is that's all it is is to it and I feel like it's a it's just a everybody has to realize that we're all on different paces we're all in different forms on different paths and different journeys nobody's better than the other it's not a a race to get there. You know you can't tell somebody like their story or what they're choosing choosing to believe or what they're choosing their perspective. You gotta let people just be like for real just let people just be and find find find themselves find God like and stop trying to project what you feel because like you said you're not comfortable with you and your skin. Don't do that. And if like I said move the fuck move around move around if you got problems.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:35

And I can tell people who have real relationship relationship with God because like I spoke with about this on the last episode like my friend Sarah she's one of the most God fearing people I know. She does go to church every Sunday but when I met her I was not my heel version and she saw me for my heart she saw me for my soul she never judged me for the way I came off the way she knew who I really was on the inside. So I feel like real spiritual people and real God fearing people they don't judge you. They let you come as you are because they know the real God they know what his real intentions are. And he knows they know that he don't make no mistakes for real. Everybody is who they are for a reason and then they like and if he's using you to work through that person don't take that for granted don't judge that person and think that's what he's asking you to do. He's not asking you to condemn that person because that's not your place. He's asking you to speak life into that person to remind them who they truly are to remind them their purpose. And I feel like if she would have condemned me it would have just made me look at church people all church people a certain way even more because I already was already feeling that way like I already didn't trust church people I still to this day kind of trust most church people. I don't but like she showed me that there are some people that believe in God and that go to church every Sunday that are actually believers in Christ and they don't just do that to condemn people. You know what I'm saying? Because she has different types of friends she has friends some friends that still do things that maybe she wouldn't do or whatever but she don't judge them off of those things.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:55

Real Godfrey people don't do that. Who am I? Who am I and I'm saying that because I have to we All have a stuff. Nobody's feeling better than the other. Exactly. We all have a past. We all have things that we're not proud of, or things that we feel like we had to work on, or things that are uh uh what we feel like maybe ugly, or maybe we we feel like okay, let's twink it a little bit, tweak it a little bit. Like everybody has that. But who are we to sit here and judge another person because of their decisions or their actions? No, like you just hold the other dial. No, like I if if I don't like what you're doing and it's really judging, if it's detrimental to my life, I just move around. I don't have to deal with you, but I don't have to sit there and talk about you. I don't have to, that's wasting my energy and bringing it up.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

Bring you down or put you down and tell you I'm better than you.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:35

Yeah, no, mm-mm. Move around.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:37

I I'm I'm good. Exit out, Doug. What's something that people do that blocks their own growth, but they don't realize it?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:45

Not communicating, not being open, not being open. There's too many people that I've I've had many sessions with people that say, oh well, the last time I spoke to somebody, or I wish I could have said this, or well, I don't talk to so-and-so no more. Or it's like a lot of people will act like they're okay, but like you said, they're not okay. There's a lot of people that will go move on to the next friendship, relationship, business, whatever, and it's like not heal from what they just went through, and it's like, you gotta do that. You you do, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:14

They don't ask themselves the hard questions, they just keep pushing.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:17

Yeah, and it's kind of like they get robotic to the point where it's like that's a norm for them, and then when they meet somebody that's like, hey, can you go a little bit deeper? Now it's like you're asking for too much, or now they're getting defensive, or now they get ice cold, and it's like, all right, let me move around. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:33

Let me let me let me go. That's real. What truths only come out when you're alone or in your thoughts?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:40

What truths? Okay. Alright. You know, I be getting deep over here, I'm telling you. Let's see. I would say some truths would be that the more I cry, the more it like it heals me. Because I feel like I came from, like, not saying I didn't really like to cry. Like, I am a sensitive person. I did cry, I do cry a lot about stuff, but it's kind of like not crying about the wrong things, you know? Like if it not putting my tears in the things that I feel like, okay, it's just cool. Like, you can just let it go. Um, I think that was that's a that's a big truth, is just r realizing where to put my energy, where to put my time and my emotions because of me being like such a big-hearted person. It's like I got so much love to give, but then you gotta realize like, okay, you gotta discern other people's hearts, discern their heart meter, discern their emotional meter.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:43

And yeah. And if they're worth pulling those parts out of you, because that's real. I I'm gonna empty that too. And I feel like I I told you I cry for a lot of shit. But it's like I had to really like sometimes I have to tell myself, like, it's not worth it. Like that, that didn't break you. That that that's not even worth, that's not even worth who you are right now to to even give them that satisfaction. But then there's also moments where it's like you deserve to let that out, you know what I'm saying? So I do feel like that's true. Discerning when and where to place your emotions and when to let them roam free and when to pull them back, because that comes with emotional intelligence, you know, because if you're just an open bucket, just spilling onto everything or always just free-flowing with all those emotions, like you will spill on to other people.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:28

And I think I because I wanted to, I guess when you want to see everybody happy and stuff like that, not everybody is not like golly-go, you know, like, hey, hey, hey, everybody's not like that. Like, and I had to realize, like, okay, everybody's not like vibrant and bubbly all the time. So that's why I try to just like give little things now. Like, okay, don't do too much. Because I feel like when I was a lot, I think people probably know how to take it. They didn't know how to take it. So it's kind of like I I just kind of dish it a little bit, but I go to where I'm tolerated, like where I'm valued, like, so that I don't feel like it's too much. Like, if it's too much, then it's too much for you. Let me move on and I'll go to where I'm fanning, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:12

And where I'm appreciated. Yeah. But that's real. Girl, that's real. I think we kind of touched on this, but do you think everybody is ready to heal?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:24

Okay. People gonna be mad when I say this. Uh, not everybody's supposed to be awakened, and not everybody's supposed to know, not everybody's supposed to see, not all, and not everybody's supposed to have knowledge and wisdom of certain things. That's all I'ma say. If you know, you know. Um, so with that being said, yes, everyone is supposed to heal and reconstruct themselves, be better, be better women, be better men, but only a certain group of people is gonna actually awaken to their path, to their purpose, to get to where it is that God is bestowing upon them and like work with God and such spirit guides and really like go with that movement. Y'all not gonna like that, but oh well. Y'all not I do it. I do feel like that, like there's some people that graduate and then they have to repeat certain uh classes and yes lessons to get there. That's the same thing with this life. Like, I feel like certain people have to repeat certain lessons, and this could be with children, this could be with certain relationships, you know what I'm trying to say. This could be with certain things that they start to sometimes they need to do over, yeah. And that will happen in their life, like during their life, and I think that certain people will, yeah, there's a cap. There are certain people that's gonna be capped, and there's certain people that's gonna be like, okay, God, Answer Spirit, guys, they see you, y'all about to be doing the work, y'all gonna be y'all gonna be good. And there's other people that's gonna be like lost, yes, lost in the sauce, not knowing whatever is going on.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:56

That's so true, and I feel like people don't realize how many chances God gives them. Like when you keep resurfacing and like going through the same cycles, you have to realize that that's happening for a reason.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:07

Or when you start meeting the same people in different bodies, he's giving you a chance to do it differently and to see things differently.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:16

And when you just repeat the same cycle or you react the same way, you you really just reminding yourself and him that you're not ready and you're about to give you somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:24

Exactly. Literally, like he's gonna give you somebody else and be like, okay, test number three, two, five, eight, nine.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:30

I swear to God. I swear. And that's the thing too. Like, I used to think I was healing, and then I would get into a situation that was similar to when I had before. And then after I'd be like, fuck, I just did that the exact same. I gotta push it up. I gotta Oh my god, like I get it now, I get it. But sometimes we we have to do that, sometimes we have to relive certain experiences to do things differently.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:51

And I think that's the part of life. Like when I was, I remember when I was 17, I used to like ask, like, well not really asked, but I used to be like, okay, I can't wait to be 30 so I can be this and do this. And it's like looking at my 17-year-old self, this is the journey. Like, you know, like this is the journey. Like everything that I've been through, this was the journey, like to get to where you need to be. And I feel like people miss that. Like the moments that get you here, like the crying, the heartbreak, the pain, the laughs, the triumphs, like everything, the recognition, the praise, like the small, the big, yes, everything is why we're here. Like, this is the life experience that we've been asking for, that we've been praying for. Like, it's happening, it's happening. Like, that's we just expecting it to look pretty. We're expecting it to be, but it's gonna look like how God expects us to look right now, because that's where we are right now, and we gotta be grateful and thankful. And I think that's another thing, is just being, like I said, in the moment. Because I feel like I was either so much in the past, so much in the future. Yes, and it's like, okay, he like, okay, you gotta y'all gotta pick one now, and not being grateful for the lessons I'm learning right in this moment. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:55

That's so real. Yeah, that is so real. Oh my god. Yeah. Jesus. Um, who were you before healing and who are you becoming now? Who, girl?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:06

Who I was before healing, I was wild. Like, if you know me from back then, then you knew I was definitely wild. I'm not gonna say like I was always like a uh, I feel like a sociable person. I always a social butterfly. I was like, hey, how are you? I was always like that. Like, um, I definitely danced a lot. I would definitely be, I had a lot of people around me. So I feel like I had a lot of chatter. I feel like back then I was the type of person that was like, oh, pull up that smoke, like, and I ain't even know you, but I'm like got three, five heads in my car, like just opening up my energy to just anybody. And I think that that was I had to learn, like, okay, if they fuck with you for real, they're gonna fuck with you for you. You don't gotta do this, you ain't gotta do that, you ain't gotta overextend, overgive, like just give enough, and then if they fuck with it, then they then it's gonna be reciprocated. So I definitely feel like the while me was like very promiscuous, very like not a a cognizant thinker. I definitely thought with my emotions, I was real like my mouth is crazy. Yeah. My mouth was crazy, so it was kind of like I wasn't always in drama, but I always had something to say. Like, if somebody says something, I always had something to say. And I think I had to learn, like, one, shut the hell up. If it's not your business, you ain't gotta like, you ain't gotta deal with it. But then I also had to be around people that didn't put me in business. You know what I'm trying to say? Chase. Like watching, watching who I was around too. I had to just like learn, like learn, okay, you can't be too open. You can't be too open with people, you can't be too trusting with people, you gotta let people learn you. You gotta let people learn, like, it gotta be a test. Like, they gotta earn your love, they gotta learn your earn your friendship, they gotta earn your like what what I'm what I'm what I am. So, um, who I am, what I have, you know, and then learning like just sexual energy is very potent and creative. Like, don't waste it, don't be fucking everything and everybody, or don't be thinking that you could use your body to get over ladies, men, whatever. You feel me? Like, don't don't put yourself on like it, don't put yourself in a mind state where you feel like you have to market yourself to get whatever it is when you can just be who you are, right? Um, I feel like I dealt with like relationships where I felt like I was trying to chase the idea of love because I'm such a lover girl. It's like I wanna be in love, I wanna be in love. So it's like, hey, I let come here, let me love you. I see you need love, right? So let me love you. And it's like, yeah, but they don't know how to love, K. They're not gonna give you the right love. And then it's like it's upsetting me now. Now I'm upset because I done put all this time and energy. So I I think a lot of learned lessons that's definitely from the old me until now. And I think that the new me is definitely more aware. Um, I would say more tapped into what I want, my values, my morals, knowing who I am and what I'm gonna tolerate, like my boundaries and stuff, and also showing myself through others, through my testimony, through my life, like, hey, if I could do it, you can do it too. Yes. You know, if I went through this, that, and the third, if I overcame like uh complications with my hand and bullying and like self-love and valuing and like pouring back into myself after pouring into a lot of people, then you could do it too. Like, you don't have to feel like you need a relationship or need love right now. Maybe it's not in the cards for you, maybe it's not your time. Maybe you have to work on yourself, maybe you have to work on other things, maybe it's time for you to do other stuff. So I think Yeah. That's about it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:04

Period. I want to have a quick little poetry moment. Like, is there a a line from your poetry that you think will really resonate with people, and what does it mean? Do you have a favorite?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:20

Um, well, I have a piece, like wise woman. Um and I it's it's mainly about women treating themselves as a temple, treating themselves as purity, um, knowing like their value, knowing like they're inside and out, not looking for someone else to speak it on them or to give them the okay, give them the permission to be themselves, but y'all could be you, you know, be you for you. Don't be you for him, don't be you for her, don't be him for your mother, your father, your kids. Find you, like without like the labels, mother, artist, creator, yeah, teacher, like find, find you. You know, and I think that's that was that's a powerful piece for me because I feel like that's always reflecting back to me about making wise choices and being wise. Like, just don't don't lose your mind, don't lose your you know, your your spirit, your momentum when you on a journey. When you get there, keep going.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:25

So yeah, yes, that is so powerful. I gotta read that. Um this was such a good conversation. I want to get into like my little quick little segments before we end it off. I like to do watched and read. So basically, when I ask my guests something that they watched or read that they want to share with the audience that they think might help them or that is helping you. Um I haven't really watched or read anything. I've watched my podcast, really, that's it, because I'm editing and stuff like that. But um I want to say read. I read The Housemaid, and I feel like that actually, and I feel like that actually has a lot of good lessons in it because I feel like both women really judged each other based on the external, and they both really came to realize that they're more alike than they are different.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:08

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:09

Um, in the end, and how much they actually needed each other. Wait, it's on Netflix? It's on stars. I can let you use mine if you want. Yeah. Um, so you can watch it. It's really good.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:18

Oh my god, okay, yeah, I'm gonna watch it. I'm gonna watch it.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:20

Um, watch the movie, but I read the book too. So I could let you borrow the book too. The book is really good. Yeah, really good. Okay, I wanna I wanna do the book. I got it, I'm gonna give it to you. Okay, yeah. Um, but the book is really good. Like the movie was great, but I feel like the book, um, you know, books be giving you more detail. And like I feel like the movie left some stuff out and changed a few things. I like how the movie changed the ending. Because if you read the book first, you're gonna realize like the ending is different, but it's still, you know, okay. It's still good.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:44

I'm a book person, so yes. It's really good. I'll give you the book.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:46

Um, but yeah, is something is there something that you watched or read um that you want to share with them?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:51

Um, watch. No, I don't really watch a lot of movies like that, but books, like I'm really like a bookworm, so I would say The Alchemist.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:01

Oh my god, I've been saying I want to read that.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:03

That's good. I I have it at my house. I'll I'll come back and bring it down. We're gonna link up. And then um Make Your Bed. Um, I forgot the author. That sounds good. Um, it's Raven. Oh, I think it's Raven Smalls. Okay, Raven Smalls, and it's a Navy SEAL person, and it's about like um his structure with his time, like his daily routines, and how he wakes up at like four or five, make his bed. And it gives you a more like structured mind to like you start being more disciplined, you start like being on your own ass about shit, and it's like I always refer to that book when I be like messing up. Slacking and slacking, yeah. And I I to try to like pick myself and be like, okay, let's get back in line, that type of thing. Um, yeah, those two.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:51

I gotta read The Alchemist for sure. Cause I've been thinking everybody just saying that book is so good. I need to read that. It is. Um, but definitely that one too, because I need sometimes like I've been good with my discipline lately, but like you can always do better, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:02

No, no, I'll definitely I'll bring them back.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:04

Okay, bye bye. Okay. Um, and then I like to get into self-affection of the week. So basically, um, maybe a time recently that your old self came up and like you had to check yourself, or like maybe you you went back on something that you've grown from and you like, damn, like you know, like you caught yourself in that moment.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:21

Hmm. I was in conversations with certain family and certain people, you know, like Save, oh my gosh! Like, like sometimes like you can be talking with somebody and they kind of like not. I I don't know if it's like trying to make me irritated or trying to make me react in a certain way, but it's like, damn, you know, I'm I'm I'm trying to do, I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to do better in this area, but I think dudes are just test. And sometimes when I do hit my head, I'll be having to tell myself, like, girl, you hit your head, bitch. Okay, let's do it again. Like when they say this, just be quiet. Or be like, okay, or be like, alright, you know, and just I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:56

Yeah, I be having moments like that with my parents. Cause I ain't gonna lie, y'all. My parents, they a work in progress for real. And it's like I be trying to accept them for who they are and also set my boundaries so that I'm not, I'm not letting them pour onto me that stuff that they're still unhealed from. Yeah. And I feel like sometimes I feel like my healing can sometimes be like they they think my healing sometimes I feel like is like a a jab at them. And I'm like, no, it's really for me. Like, you know? It don't got nothing to do with you. And I feel like it just be coming off like they trying to test me. You know, like you said, like I feel like they trying to see if I'm still my old self on the inside. If you're gonna react the same and say certain things or like do certain things to try to get a reaction out of me, and it's like, why? I don't know. Yeah, but it's like I be having to tell myself, like, you're you're healing for you, not for them. Like, let them think what they think, let them act how they act, like you doing this for you at the end of the day, you know? So I agree. I feel like family will bring that out of you.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:59

Yeah, and I and I just I'm not saying like everybody that's 50 plus do it, but I'm gonna just say this like uh the older generations, they have a tendency because of them days. Yeah, and it's because of them, like they didn't they they didn't deal with their shit, basically. Now we the generation we the generation that's kind of like starting to actually take the charge and take control and reclaim our power and start speaking up and talking about. And they taking us disrespect, like even better than people. And it's not that we just trying to find ourselves, and yes, it may look a little bit wacky or not not what they want, right? Like not in their vision, but that's every generation. Like, if you look at every generation, every generation is like is like that. So our parents' parents probably looking at them looked at them like they were crazy when they were making certain moves. So I feel like I that's why I kind of like um I've been learning to just have grace because you know, two women in the same household when you live, I live with my mom and so it's kind of like hard, it's all queens and everybody got their own opinion, everybody's strong, you know. So I definitely am thankful because you, you know, when you do have your parents and stuff, it's a great support system. Exactly. You know, they are still here, they are still around, like you know, but also it's kind of like we're also having to learn how to navigate who we are as individuals without it being any type of static or like arguments. Like, I don't I and I think that's coming from again, they're stuck in their ways. Like they think like, okay, we're supposed to live like this, we're supposed to be like this, we're supposed to be having kids like this, we're working here like this. Life has changed. People are making millions and doing their life purpose off of the internet, off of doing things that they feel like is not worthy, it's not worthy, or it's not um like right. And it's like that's just because you feel like it's not right, don't mean it's not right. Just because you feel like I'm not able to do it, or I can't do it, or you feel like I need to get a nine to five, or I need to do this, I need to do that, that does not mean that this is not gonna work for me. You just you just ran it on my parade. Why? Because you lived your life and you sad because your shit. Oh, thank you. Which one? Like, and it's like that's why I don't like talking, because if I do, I know my mouth is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:10

Yo, yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:11

And I love and I love older people, younger people, but I just know whether you're young or old, right? People are opinionated. So I've realized when people have opinions, if it don't got shit to do with me, I roll it, like roll it off my back. It's cool. Like, I'm learning it. I'm learning that still. I'm still learning how to shut my mouth. I'm still learning how to like okay, you know, because it's like they're your family, they're your friends, they're people that love us. So it's like they know how to jab, they know what to say.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:38

Exactly. And I feel like that's where I'm at right now. I'm navigating how to be myself and hold my boundaries while also accepting them that for who they are. Yeah. And it's like, it's it's so hard because it'd be like, I just be wanting to just cut them off sometimes, and then then it'd be other times where it's like, but they're my family, you know what I'm saying? And it's like I don't want to have a life where you're just not there because I know how blessed it is to have both your parents still around. But it'd be like, damn, like sometimes it'd be hard having y'all around. Like you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:27:06

It's kind of taxing, but I think and it I'm saying taxing and draining because it's like when we're adults with our parents, so it's like we want something that's our own, like something that we could claim as our own, and it's like we trying. You see us trying, like, we don't want you to keep talking down on us, like big us up for trying it, big us up for each day that we doing, like we're trying to make better. You got like sons and daughters out here that struggle out, don't get like that don't just don't care. And it's like just because you see that your child is doing something, living a life that you didn't get to live, that you didn't get to live, that you do not understand, or you know, like you feel like it's not it's not what you feel like your child should be doing. Like, and I think that's what hurt the most with me because it but they had to my family had to realize she's gonna do spirituality. Like, I'm I'm not I'm not changing after years of me still doing cards. Oh, I don't care if y'all talk. About me, they just had to deal with it. And it's like, okay, yeah, she does cards now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:04

Because you had no choice for this. You had no choice.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:07

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:09

Thank you so much for this conversation. It was so good. Like it was so healing, so raw and vulnerable, which is what this podcast is about. So I just want to thank you again for make sure you follow. No follow, like, love, subscribe, show love to my girl. Okay. But like, real talk, I really do want to thank you because like you were so vulnerable and so honest. And I feel like I just appreciate anybody that takes their time to come on here and share their perspective because it's not an easy thing to do to be vulnerable and to tell your truth. So shout out to you, girl, and keep doing what you're doing. We're gonna be greatest of friends. Because I told you we already been talking about linking up. So I can't wait. But I feel like this conversation really showed that healing isn't just something you talk about, it's something you live through. And I think a lot of people need to hear the real side of it, not just the highlights. And this is exactly why I do this. The real conversations, the real experiences, no sugar coating. And you definitely brought that today. So I appreciate you for that. For real.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:59

Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:00

So thank y'all so much for tuning in. Again, let them know where they can follow you and support you.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:04

YouTube, Hadia Healer, Facebook. I'm good now.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:10

And make sure you guys subscribe to the channel if you really resonated with this conversation. Like it if you resonated, comment if you have a favorite part or something that you really want to share with us. Like I love when y'all are vulnerable with me too. And if you don't feel comfortable putting it in the comments, DM me, girl. We can have a conversation. I love that. Okay. And just thank you guys for just being here and supporting me and listening to anything I have to say, hearing my perspective, valuing my perspective. It means the world to me from a little girl that was never heard, girl. Thank you. But um, yeah, thank y'all. And make sure you guys uh go to TikTok and follow us on TikTok so you guys can see the clips from this episode and all the others. And we'll see you guys next time on Blunt Talk.