Episode 8: Letting Go Isn’t Letting Them Off the Hook (It’s Protecting Your Peace)

In this episode of Sweet Wine Sweet Life, Jacquie talks about apologies, anger, boundaries, and the peace that comes from letting go. Letting go does not mean what happened was okay — it means you are no longer willing to keep paying for someone else’s wrong with your peace. If you’ve ever waited for an apology that never came, this episode is a reminder that your healing does not have to depend on someone else becoming accountable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Letting go does not mean what happened was okay. It means I'm no longer willing to keep paying for it with my peace. Hey, I'm Jacqueline Mestis, and this is Sweet Wine, Sweet Life, the podcast where we talk about all things that make life feel a bit more beautiful. Whether it's a wine I'm loving, a mindset shift, or just a dreamy place I'm dying to visit. This is your time to slow down, sip something sweet, and soak in the good life. Let's get into it. Hey sweet friends, welcome back to Sweet Wine Sweet Life. My name is Jackie Mestis and I'm happy you're here. Before we jump in, I just want to say thank you for listening and spending some time with me. If you're enjoying the show, go ahead and follow or subscribe wherever you're listening so you don't miss an episode. And if Instagram is your thing, come find me there at SweetWineSweetLife. I'd love to have you join me over there, but you know, only if we want to. No pressure. We keep it sweet over here. Alright, let's get into today's episode. So this week I saw something online that made me think about apologies, anger, and how much space we let certain situations take up in our lives. I'm not going to be naming any names, and I'm not making this about gossip. What I want to do is expand on something that I said previously about protecting your peace. I'm going to expand on that a little bit. Because sometimes someone was really, really wrong to you. They did you dirty. They said something terrible. And sometimes we still have to ask ourselves, how much more of our peace are we willing to give that person? Sometimes people owe us an apology. It could be something they did or didn't do, said they were gonna do and didn't do. It could be a boundary that you created and they bulldozed over that thing. Sometimes they owe us accountability for an action or an inaction. Sometimes they owe us honesty, maturity, or repair. But I hate to say it, the hard truth is some people may never give it. Or if they do, it may not sound the way we need it to sound. There is a language of apology out there. Again, I believe in the five love languages, and I also believe in the language of apology. If you truly love someone, you should apologize to them in a way that lands with them, not the apology you want to give. But we're not talking about that today. There's sometimes some people will never give you an apology the way you need it to sound. Some people are not capable of giving you the apology your heart needs. And that doesn't mean you didn't deserve it. It means they may not have the humility, the maturity, or the emotional range to give it. And that is just the bottom line. I'm gonna talk now about letting go. Because letting go is not excusing it. Letting go of things does not mean that it didn't hurt. Obviously, it did. If it didn't, the situation wouldn't be what it is and you would not be interested in an apology. Letting go doesn't mean that it wasn't wrong. Obviously, it was wrong to you. You were wronged. Letting go also does not mean you're pretending it didn't happen. It did. And letting go also does not mean that they get a free pass. Letting go has more to do with you than it has to do with that person. Letting go means you stop letting the situation live rent-free in your spirit. You can hold someone accountable for what they did or didn't do without letting anger become your daily companion. Letting go isn't letting them off the hook. It's taking yourself off the hook. You can remember what happened without rehearsing the pain every day. And there are certain situations I will honestly tell you that I have where I know that someone absolutely positively owes me an apology. But I have to let that go sometimes because if I don't, all it's going to do is keep me on a hook that hurts. The next thing I want to talk about is when anger starts asking for too much friend in your head. First of all, I'm going to say that anger can be valid. And anger can sometimes tell you things that are very important. If you're angry about something, that's your body's way of saying there's something wrong. The situation's not right for you. Anger can also protect you at first because it's a way of keeping you from breaking down. Your body's in protect mode. But after a while, anger still may be costing you too much. Anger can cost you what? Well, it can cost you your joy, your creativity. Anger will definitely stifle that, I do know. Your softness, who you are, your heart, your peace. Again, protect your peace at all cost. And anger can erode that. Also your ability to enjoy good things. You're so busy being angry that you can't stop and see all the beauty that's around you, the good people that are around you, the people who love you and care for you, the people who stand for you. Your anger absolutely may be justified, but that doesn't mean it gets to move in and redecorate your whole life. When anger starts asking for too much rent, it may be time to protect your peace. Yeah. The next thing I'm gonna say to you is you can be right and still be drained. I'm not telling you that you need to just get over it. I'm not. Some things are really, really serious. And some wounds are real. Some people really do behave badly. I always like to see the good in people, but some people are not nice. But being right does not automatically mean continuing the fight is good for you. Remember that anger can actually have an effect on your health. You can be right and still be exhausted. At some point, you have to ask yourself, is this still helping me heal or is it keeping me tied to the thing that hurt me? The next thing is, and I hate to say it, you cannot make someone become accountable. You can ask for accountability, you can state what happened, you can tell the truth, but you cannot force someone to become reflective, humbled, or changed. And sometimes, if they were gonna generally take accountability, they would have done it already. Sometimes continuing to demand accountability for someone incapable of giving it only keeps you trapped. You cannot change their thinking. The only thinking that you can change, the only thinking you are in control of is your thinking. And you can only decide how much access their behavior still has to your life. Sometimes closure is not them finally understanding. Sometimes the closure is you finally deciding you're done. You've said your piece, they haven't responded the way you need them to. And it's time to just go ahead and accept that. The next thing that I want to talk about, I've already talked about it before, and that's boundaries are a part of a sweet life. Sometimes the boundary is leaving the conversation. You don't have to stay in it. You've said what you've said, it's time to move on. Your boundaries were created, step away. Sometimes it's unfollowing, sometimes it's blocking. Sometimes it's decided this energy is just not for me. It is making a decision in your head. This is not what I want in my life. Period. Boundaries are not always dramatic. A lot of us were raised with soap operas, and soap operas were dramatic. There's still some soap operas out there, but they've been replaced by reality TV. And it's always dramatic. Sometimes boundaries aren't dramatic. Sometimes they are quiet, simple, but they are absolutely necessary. I've created a lot of boundaries with people. They are not aware of them. Or if they are, I've said them in a very nice, very calm way. And then that's the end of the conversation. There's nothing else to talk about. Not everyone deserves continued access to you. Period. Protecting your peace is not being cold. It's being responsible with your own spirit and your own heart. So I just want to say that the sweet life is not about pretending everything is sweet. It really isn't. We're gonna have some tough times. But what it is about is choosing what you continue to sit from. Some things are bitter, and we can't always control that. But we can decide when we're done, letting bitterness be the strongest flavor in our lives. Remember I mentioned in the last episode that you don't have to graduate to dry wines, you like what you like. That goes double for this. The boundaries that you created were crossed, and you don't like it, you can step away at any time. Do not let bitterness be the longest note in your glass. That's the sweet life lesson of the week. Not everything bitter deserves another pour. You don't need to take one more sip of bitterness. Throw it out and try something sweet. So in the end, I just want to summarize and say if someone hurt you, you are absolutely allowed to be hurt. If someone owes you an apology, you are allowed to want it. But do not build your peace around whether they ever become the person they should have been the entire time. Also want to remind you, letting go, that's not weak. Letting go is choosing not to let the wound become your whole story. Letting go isn't saying they were right. It's saying your peace, your heart, your serenity is worth more than staying attached to their wrong. My hope and prayer for you this week is that if someone hurt you in the past or someone wronged you, I want you to try to let it go. Forgive, you don't have to forget, you don't have to accept bad behavior, and you absolutely deserve to enjoy your life. Do not let people tie you up into things and into situations that are not good for your peace. Protect your peace at all cost. So that is my life lesson for today. I want to thank you for joining me today on Sweet Wine Sweet Life. So until next time, sip sweetly, live fully, love boldly, and don't let anybody's darkness talk you out of your light. Love you, sweeties. Bye. Thanks for spending this time with me in Sweet Wine Sweet Life, where we sip sweetly, live fully, and love boldly. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to follow the podcast and share it with a friend who could use a little more sweetness. You can find wine pics and cozy inspiration at sweetwinesweetlife.com or connect with me on Instagram at SweetwineSweetLife. Until next time, pour something you love and savor the sweetness. Sweetwine Sweet Life is a part of the Sweet Life Creative Collective, music by Fashion Chill Pop, Recharge Your Soul by Onalden Music.