The Bougie Expats
Welcome to The Bougie Expat Podcast, a show for Black women over 40 who are ready to imagine a different kind of life abroad.
Hosted by Sable, your bougie girlfriend, this podcast speaks to the woman who has spent years showing up for everyone else — family, friends, work, and responsibilities — and is now asking, “What do I want my next season to look like?”
Through honest conversations and lived experience, Sable shares what it really takes to relocate abroad with clarity, confidence, and intention. Having lived and worked in more than seven countries across four continents, she brings real insight into the emotional, financial, and practical side of building a life overseas.
Each episode will cover topics like relocating abroad, planning your money, managing fear, leaving behind familiar routines, building a clear vision, and creating a life where you are thriving instead of simply getting by.
If you have been quietly thinking about moving abroad, starting fresh, or choosing yourself in this next chapter, this podcast is for you.
Subscribe to The Bougie Expat Podcast and join Sable for conversations about freedom, relocation, reinvention, and living abroad with purpose.
The Bougie Expats
Ep 21: The Hardest Decision I Made After Moving Abroad
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Can you actually choose your own next chapter without abandoning the woman who gave you hers? For many Black women over 40, moving abroad isn't just a logistics or financial puzzle—it is a deeply emotional, guilt-laden decision that centers on aging parents and family obligations.
When Sable's 90-year-old mother was diagnosed with early dementia, she found herself wrestling with a silent burden so many daughters carry: believing she had to choose between her own freedom and her mother's care. But instead of sacrificing her vision for the future, Sable realized there might be another way forward.
In this episode of The Bougie Expat Podcast, Sable shares the deeply personal journey behind her decision to bring her mother with her to Panama. She opens up about the reality of navigating caregiving, dismantling filial guilt, and redefining what family support can look like when you give yourself permission to ask better questions about your life.
This isn't a conversation about finding a quick or perfect answer. It is an honest, vulnerable masterclass in balancing family responsibilities with your own personal peace, proving that your future doesn't have to disappear just because your loved ones need care.
This episode is for Black women over 40 who are navigating the complex intersection of eldercare, personal ambition, and relocation—and who are ready to learn how caring for themselves and caring for those they love can peacefully coexist.
In This Episode
✔️ The guilt many Black women carry when thinking about relocation
✔️ Why I chose to bring my 90-year-old mother to Panama
✔️ Healthcare and caregiving considerations that shaped my decision
✔️ What I'm learning about balancing freedom with family responsibility
✔️ Questions every family should ask before making a major relocation decision
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I'd love to hear from you.
💬 Are aging parents one of the biggest factors influencing your relocation decisions?
Or...
Have you found a way to balance family responsibilities with creating your own next chapter?
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If this episode spoke to you, subscribe to the podcast and share it with another Black woman over 40 who has been thinking about relocating abroad, retiring overseas, or designing a new chapter with more freedom, peace, and intention.
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So maybe my next chapter doesn't look exactly the way I want. I don't experience all the freedom that I was before. And maybe your next chapter is gonna look a little bit different. But whatever it is, if it's moving your parent with you, if it's arranging care for them to be structured where they are, your next season still should be about you. She's done waiting. She's done shrinking, and she's done building empires in rooms that were never designed for her. This is the Bougie Expat, the podcast for black women over 40 who are ready to reinvent their lives, rebuild their income, and relocate with intention. If you're done settling in corporate, tired of environments that no longer feel aligned, or quietly planning your next move, you are in the right place. Hosted by Sable, live from Panama City, Panama. Seven countries, four continents, one move she made in five months flat. Income strategies, exit plans, a life designed to actually fit you without starting over broke. Let's get into it. What's so precious for me is my freedom. Freedom to do whatever I want, where I want, how I want, where I want. And that I have not had for like forever. And if you're like me, a black woman over 40, you probably have not either. We've always had someone else that we had to include in our decision tree. What are we gonna eat? What do they want to eat? What are we gonna buy? How much is if I buy this, what it means I can't buy for someone else? So someone else has always been a part of our decision tree. And for the first time in such a very long time, that is not my case. I decide for me and me alone if I'm gonna eat or not eat. If all I want is a smoothie for dinner, that is okay. I don't have to worry about making it for anyone else. If I just want to sleep late, wake up early, whatever I want to do, I don't have to worry about that. And so that has been such an absolute blessing for me that I didn't have to organize anyone else's schedule. I didn't have to figure out anyone else's life. But then everything changed for me. And I think some of you know that my mom is over 90. She just turned 90, so she's a little over 90. And when I was leaving, I asked her to come with me. And she was adamant absolutely not. But things have changed in her health, and it has changed. And so therefore, I had to start asking myself some new questions. I started to have to ask myself, because I chose me, right? This trip was all about me. This move was all about me. Did choosing myself mean that I abandoned her at the time that she might have needed me most? Because she really does need me. She needs my support. And I'm the person who can actually, I have more time, more flexibility that could give it to her. And so, should I change my plan so that I can go back and now support her because she needs more support than she's ever needed before. But then I realized that two things could exist. I can support her and I could absolutely enjoy my life. And I think this is the false narrowhood narrative that we've been sold as black women. That when we choose ourselves, we're selfish. We a good mom or good black woman or a good daughter, we sacrifice something. We give up something, we put other people first. God forbid if we're a Christian, you definitely better be sacrificing, giving up something for somebody else, unless you're not a good Christian. But I want to say we could have two of the things that we want the most. I don't think that giving up and having this sacrificial lamb. I mean, Jesus already died on the cross, we don't need to die on it also, means that we can't have a good life. So I want to say that there's options for us. Option one, stay, give up your dream. Uh, stay, take care of your aging parents, sit, sort them out, and give them everything that you've always wanted. That is an absolutely doable option. And I'm watching women do it. I'm watching them cancel their plans, delay their plans, and stay and care for their aging parents. And that's very noble. And if that's what you want to do, I am not saying that you should not. Option two is leave and feel totally guilty that you left. And oh my gosh, how can I leave? I'm such a bad person. You can live with that guilt all your life. Or you're gonna discover a third option. And your third option could be something all in between that. You can leave and put structure in place where you don't feel guilty. You can stay and enjoy taking care of your aging parent, or you can redesign a totally different plan. And that's what I decided to do. I decided to bring my mom. Not necessarily just for me, but for her. Because I started asking different kinds of questions. Not should she come so this way I can still live here, or should I stay there so I can support her? I started asking the question of where could she receive the best health care? Where could she receive quality care? Where could I spend meaningful time with her? Not that I'm bouncing from my house to her house, or I put her in my house, and now I have to do so many things to make money so I can support her living in this more expensive place. And where can I afford the care that I want her to have? Because, baby, I looked. And I'm gonna tell you, girlfriend, those places I was looking at, they didn't have any problem saying to me $10,000, $12,000. They were not blinking. And no, they were not taking Medicare. So if you didn't have long-term insurance in place, girl, start writing that check. And so I had to ask myself, where can I give her care that I approve of, that I'm comfortable with, and yet it's not breaking my bank? And where can I emotionally be present, not feel overwhelmed as I'm supporting her? Because maybe I can get other people to help me support her. Because if I'm supporting her and I'm totally overwhelmed, or I'm totally crazed out of my mind because I'm like, I got so many things to do, I got so many things I'm thinking about, but yet I'm trying to give her great support at the same time, financially and emotionally, am I really being able to give her the support that I wanted? Because I have so many other obligations. And where can I honor her dignity in my future? Because yes, they're aging. And depending on what is happening in your parents' life, physical deterioration, mental deterioration, whatever it is, you still want them to hold on to their dignity. Heck, they still want to hold on there to their dignity. My mom is always fighting for, I can do that, don't tell me that. She's still fighting for her autonomy. So, how can I give that to her and still have my future? How can I have the things that I dreamed about for this chapter of my life? And so when I look and I put those all together, I ask myself, where is there lower health care that can be great health care? Where is the price of health care lower in awesome quality? Where can I get caregivers that are actually excited about giving this care? They don't look at it as a burden. They don't look at it as like this is the only job I could get. But I'm looking at the ratios of more nurses and more caregivers available to patients. And where can I give myself a slower pace of life as I am giving her this? That I am not feeling rushed and overwhelmed. And where can I be involved in her care deeply? Where can I start making great decisions for her on what she eats and what activities she does? Because I have a little bit more control and I have the finances to support the things that I know are good for her. Those are how I kind of frame my decision. I changed it from leaving staying to what is best for her and what is best for me, and how can I actually give it. And let's be honest. But all that framing and all that questioning, it is still very scary. Yeah, it is. One where she is feeling comfortable, one that she doesn't feel overwhelmed, even if I'm overwhelmed by this decision. And so I don't necessarily have it all figured out, but I know that where she is now in the situation that she is in is not the best. And so this is a better decision. And so you have to think about in your life what decision would be best for both. Because really, let's tell the truth, the best decisions don't come easy. There are really decisions like that that are hard, that are easy to make. But I think about this woman who gave me such a beautiful life. I think about this woman who expanded my thinking. Who actually always used to tell me, I wore busted, I wore sneakers in the snow so you can wear busted brown shoes. She's made sacrifices for me. She's encouraged me. She thought of me in areas and places and saw me having a life that I didn't even know was possible for myself because she always believed in me. So this is the woman who I want to support. This is the woman I want to pour now a life that she deserves into her because I have an opportunity to do that for her. Whatever you decide, let it be your decision. I'm Sable, your bougie girlfriend. I want you to have an elevated life abroad. And I'm here to give you the tips and strategies to do so. That's a wrap. And if this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast and share it with another woman who's ready for her next chapter. And if you're ready to move beyond thinking and start building your exit strategy, I invite you to join me inside my live experience, the elevated exit masterclass. You'll find the link in the show notes. Until next time, make your next move a bougie one.