The fastest way to make new friends at any age

Most adults are lonelier than they'll ever admit out loud. Not because they're unlikable. Not because they're too busy. But because nobody ever gave them a real system for making friends once school, sports teams, and dorm rooms disappeared. So they show up to events, make small talk, exchange numbers, and wonder why nothing ever turns into anything real.

In this episode, Kyle Guthro introduces the FRIEND Framework — a six-step system for building real friendships at any age. Find the right environments. Reach out. Investigate the conversation. Extend the invite. Nurture the connection. And dare to share. Kyle breaks down each step with real-life tactics you can use today — how to kill awkwardness before it kills the conversation, how to go from small talk to meaningful dialogue using the conversation funnel, how to extend a no-pressure invite that actually gets a yes, and how to follow up without feeling like you're bothering someone.

Whether you're an introvert who freezes in social settings, an extrovert who connects easily but never goes deep, or someone who had great friendships that life slowly pulled apart — this episode gives you the exact tools to change that starting today.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Hey everyone, Kyle Guthro here. Welcome to another module where today we are going to be discussing the friendship framework. And the reason why I've decided to jump into this topic is because I truly feel like this can transform your life personally and professionally. Now, stick around to the end because I'm going to provide a lot of key tactics and tips that you can implement today that can generate you some new friendships, whether you want them or not. So let's dive into it, shall we? So we hear this one from gurus, coaches, friends, family, whoever, that we just say, go talk to people. Now, for the introverts in the room, for those that have social anxieties of speaking and connecting with people, that is terrible advice. And the reason why, it would be equivalent to somebody standing at a pool saying, just jump in. If you've never swam before, or if you struggle to swim, or if you're not confident in swimming, telling somebody to just go talk to somebody is difficult and can actually make the situation and circumstances worse. So in this module, I'm going to provide a ton of great insights. So I suggest you get a pen and paper and jot down some notes because we're going to dive into some great detail. Now let's start with the FRINED framework. I love acronyms. The reason why is because it's able to take a ton of information, condense it into a bite-sized chunk that helps you remember. And everyone can remember the word Friend. So what does FREND stand for? Find, reach, investigate, extend, nurture, and dare. Now we'll dive into each one. So let's start with the first one. Find. Now, what are we finding? We are going to go find environments. Now, this can be old environments, this could be new environments, but what I want you to do is jot down where are some of the environments that you want to start hanging out. So on one side of your piece of paper, write down environment. Where are those places? Are they sporting events? Are they art classes? Are they the gym? Are they maybe business events? Are they networking events? Are they hobbies, habits, whatever your passions may be? What are those? Identify them. Next, there's this trusty thing called Google. I want you to start Googling locations of where those environments are. And here's a tip. They might be outside of your city. They might even be outside of your country. So that might involve you having to get out of your comfort zone. See, we're so familiar with our city, our town, where we grew up. I'm going to encourage you to start to just push those boundaries a little bit. And it might not even involve jumping on a plane, but rather just driving to the next town, driving to the next city, exploring new environments and new options. So now that we've identified the environment, where those environments live, locations, I want you to then just sit with it for a moment and go, all right, how can I get to these next experiences? Because again, the environment creates the experience. So back to my point. So we're going to use, I'm just using um art for a moment. You always wanted to get into drawing or creating art. There's tons of events that people host that you could go to an art event. They supply the canvas, the paint, and you just need to show up. And yes, this probably might cost money. But again, this is where you can start to create the friendships, the relationships. Now, why are these environments so important? Because so many people struggle with icebreakers. The reason why they struggle with icebreakers is because they're reaching for something that doesn't feel authentic to them. What I tell people is if you're familiar with an environment or the experience that you're currently having in that environment, well, you are privy to it. You understand it, you have knowledge of it. So if you love art and you are now at an art experience, painting, well, you can speak to the topic because you're versed in it. So now you've created an icebreaker that you're already informed about. So when you go to meet these people, you can speak to the topic. Now, if I were to drop you into a networking event that involved science, maybe that might be hard for you because you're gonna find struggle points on how to connect with these individuals. But I will dive into a little bit more detail a little later on the module on why it's important to sometimes get out of your comfort and your familiarity. Because as humans, we love routine. We love sticking to the same plan every single day. Whereas I encourage you, especially if you want to create new and lasting friendships, it might involve you getting out of your comfort zone. So what is reach? The R stand for. This one is important because so many people that struggle with communicating, networking, speaking, um, social uh environments is they struggle with getting out there. And back to my point, find that commonality, find that habit, that hobby, that passion that drives you, that moves you forward, and that you would love to meet more people from the industry. Now, with the rise of the internet, it is allowed for a ton of networking events. You could jump on Eventbrite as an example and just type in your topic that you're looking to and see what's happening in the area. Go on Google, you can go into forums, Reddit chats, Facebook groups, and find out when that next event is. But it's going to involve you taking a bit of action to reaching out. Investigate. Investigate the conversations. So when you are at these events and you are experiencing them, it's going to involve you to investigate. Now, let's sit with this for a moment. You found the environment, you found the location, you've gone to it, you found the common ground. So now you have some icebreakers, but now it's going to involve you initiating the conversations. So what does that look like? And it can start off as broad, and I do have another slide that I will show you in the next when I flip this over, and it will go into greater detail, on how to create the conversations, how to dive into it. But I want you to sit with that for a moment and just investigate the conversations because just showing up, getting to the location is literally 80% of the work. So many people get stuck in their head and they don't even allow themselves to get to the event or the environment. Extend. Now I'm gonna dive into this one. Extend the invites. So you've created the environment, you've created the conversation, you're now having the dialogue. But if you don't extend the invite, it sits there and ends there in that night or that day or that weekend. It's going to involve you to extend some invitations. And I'm going to show you how you can get some no-pressure invites out there so that you can start connecting and conversing with other individuals. Nurture. Nurture these conversations. So back to the point, you're in the environment, you are at the event, you have reached out to them, you're investigating the conversations, which we will dive into. I'll share more questions you can ask. You've um extended the invite to them, but now you need to nurture those connections. Now, in the business world, we call that follow-up. And in the personal world, it's just continuing the conversation. So, and then most importantly, DARE. DARTO SHARE. The final D of the acronym FRIND. And for some, I know this is going to be a daunting task. I know that striking up a conversation can be absolutely terrifying for some. And for some, uh, such as myself, I'm an extrovert, I thrive in it. I thrive in the energy of groups of people. I absolutely love it. I could be dropped into a room of a thousand people and I would want to meet a thousand people. But I know a lot of people, unfortunately, are struggling with this. Now, if you're not looking to create that and you just want to maybe engage in some one-on-one conversations with just a few people, well, following this friend framework is going to start opening those conversations. But I will kind of put a pin in this one for a moment. Find your tribe, find your group of people, find that environment where all of those people hang out. Write them down, find out the locations, and then find out when the next event is scheduled. But here is the biggest takeaway. You have to take action. You have to show up. So here are some tips. Become a regular. So what does that mean? Now, so many people are struggling to find connections with people because you're always new to the environment. Now, back to my point, you want to find those environments. But if they have monthly events or reoccurring events, it would be a great idea to show up again because you're probably going to see the same familiar faces. This is why, I'm going to use a gym analogy for a moment. This is why you see so many regulars at the gym. And a lot of people foster great relationships at the gym. Now I know some are at the gym, put their headphones in, don't want to be bothered. Completely understand. They're there for a workout, great, all the power to you. But there is a lot of people that are looking to strike up conversations. Some people really struggle with loneliness. It is becoming more and more concerning for all age groups. And what I'm here to share is that I want you to overcome that. I want you to get out there. And if I can give you just some of the tips and tactics that can just strike up one conversation with maybe one person that could lead to a friendship, how much would that benefit you in your life? We don't need to suffer in silence. But like I said, it's going to involve a little bit of action and a little bit of reps. So become regular. Maybe it's that coffee shop that you love, or maybe it's two or three coffee shops and show up every day or every Monday at this coffee shop and then this coffee shop on Friday, or if it's a shopping location, or if it's the mall. Like again, start to build these dialogues and these conversations. There's social settings everywhere. Sit with that for a moment. The social settings are absolutely everywhere. And if you are in a massive city, well, the social settings are even greener. Think of a park. Think of Central Park in New York City. How many people would be there? Think of your local beach club or wherever you may be in the world. There's tons of situations where you can start the dialogue. What do I mean by this? Think of solo activities that you do daily that could maybe start up as a group. This is why you've seen the rise of run clubs. Run clubs have become super popular. Not only are they getting people in shape, but it's creating a conversation because, again, the commonality is running. But it's also got this cool way of bringing a collective or community together. And I know some of the run clubs that I was a part of in the past, they ballooned. They started from like 50 people up to 500. And I have to admit, as much as they called it a run club, people weren't really there for the running. Yes, they did do that activity, but what they were really truly seeking was commonality and community, because that's what could lead to the conversation after the run was over. So find out what those solo things are. Maybe it's that you walk your dog and you're at a dog park. Say, hey, I would love to maybe like walk our two dogs together or three dogs together, or hey, I'm starting up a dog walking club. Sit with that. It works. There's people that do it. So take something that you do solo and try to implement it in a group setting. This one's really important, but I will caution you for a moment because I know some people struggle with being the center of attention. Be the host. Host the event. Put the event together. Drop it in Eventbrite. Call it free. Call it an expense. Call it a small monetary fee, whatever the case may be, but be the catalyst that brings people together. Don't wait for the opportunity to come. Create the opportunity. Now, I know some might struggle with this, but I'm telling you, if you can learn to get over this and become that source of community, people are going to speak extremely highly of the event, the community, because they're thinking it. Those that show up wish they could maybe create something like that. So think of how cool that would be that if you could create the next community that brings everyone together. And it doesn't need to be massive. It can literally start with a few people and then see where it goes. Another big tip. We all have cell phones. We are all connected on social media. Majority of us are. Get connected. I cannot stress this enough. So many people create a great environment. They have a great conversation. They have a great time at this event. And then they forget to connect with them afterwards. Like, oh my God, I loved meeting Sally. But I didn't get her social media. I didn't get her phone number. It's okay now in these situations. You've built the rapport, you've had the dialogue to then come in and say, hey, I would love to stay connected with you. And personally, I love social media because it's a non-intrusive way of getting to know somebody. Sometimes asking for someone's phone number can be a little bit tricky. But with the rise of text, I know certain generations absolutely live and breathe off text, that can work. But like something beautiful about social media is that people begin to learn who you are because it is like this online resume of you. So that they can go and say, oh my God, like this person loves dogs. Oh my god, this person's a baker. Oh, oh my god, this person's into badminton. Oh my god, that's so cool. I did not know that about them. So then next time that they meet with them, they're now building that rapport remotely online through social media. So when you are at these events, go in for the ask. Ask them for their social media. Now, one quick tip have this stuff ready. If you know you're in a networking event, you know you're at a communal event, have your stuff ready. Business cards, eh, I'm not a big fan of them. That screams like networking business. But if you have like a QR code, say scan this, this has all my social medias. Like that's the great thing. Some people might not be on Instagram. They're gonna be on Snapchat, they're gonna be on YouTube, they're gonna be on this, they're gonna be on TikTok. If you have them all in one place, then you don't have to sit there and sift through going, oh, so are you on TikTok? No, okay, are you on Instagram? Oh, where are you on Facebook? Just have them all there. Literally scan a QR code or drive into a link. Here's all my social media. Make it as seamless as possible. I've said I've shared this in the past modules before. The reason why everyone loves Amazon is because it's two clicks and the products on your doorstep. Make the process seamless and effortless. Because if it's seamless and effortless, that's less headache for them to do, and they'll want to stay connected with you. And then, of course, again, this falls into the business world, but also this this I don't see enough of in the personal world. Follow up. You've done all the work, you found the environment, you showed up to the event, you created the conversations, you did the networking, you've got their contact information. Continue to follow up with them. Now, don't stop them, but just say, hey, a week, a couple days go by. Hey, just check and win. Just wanted to see how um how things are. I just wanted to connect and say, oh my God, I saw that there was another event coming up. Oh my god, you were talking about your dog Toby, and I really feel like this could this this new product, toy, service, whatever, could really work with them. Send them a link, send them something that it just shows that you care, you're continuing the dialogue. Now, what happens when things get awkward? And that is my attempt at the awkward face. Everyone knows the meme, the Steve Corral face. Um awkwardness is okay. Embrace it. It's part of human connection, it's part of the human conversation, it's part of the dialogue. But so many people get so much anxiety behind awkwardness. It's okay. We're gonna make mistakes, conversations are gonna go sideways. It happens. But what I will share is these three things: the sound of silence. Okay, it happens, it get off it gets awkward. Embrace it. This is getting awkward. That's okay. And you're probably wondering if you're listening to this online, going, what the hell is Kyle doing? Because I just heard a pause for three seconds. In the video, I'm showing that I just let silence live. You can smile, you can acknowledge, but please don't do the first thing. Reach for your phone. Everyone does that when things get awkward. Why is it that when we walk into an elevator, everyone shuts up? Why do we create the silent space in this place where we could be social? Everyone just reaches for their phone when they jump into an awkward situation, such as an elevator. Be that catalyst that creates the conversation. Don't panic. This is for the people that suffer with social anxieties. Take a deep breath. Don't make it as so awkward, but like you'll relieve yourself of the tension. Awkwardness happens to everybody. Don't take it personal. You can also shine a light on it. You can have maybe a sentence or something that you use to create humor behind it. When I'm on stage, I always find opportunities for when things fail to inject humor in it. I actually will put it on me. Self-deprecating humor can be funny because it breaks that awkwardness. So if technology is not working, like, ah damn it, I knew I forgot to pay the AV guy, or if the lights go out or something doesn't work or my mic drops, I'm always prepared for lines that can deal with the awkward situation. Jump into ChatGPT, do it right now. Google how to overcome awkward situations. Think of lines and honestly test them, try them. If you get a laugh, remember that. And use it the next time with the next group. It works. But there's also a ton of comedians out there that are out uh that are out there that thrive on their awkward styles. It works. And we all deal with it in one way, shape, or another. So get over it. It happens. Now I will say this. If you're entering into a group setting and you're in an event, and you can see the dialogue is happening, and you're Trying to interject yourself into it. I know it can be hard, but don't just dive into the group. Stand there and don't say anything. Now, I'm not saying you jump in and just start dominating the conversation, but don't stand one foot back from everybody. Try to get in shoulder to shoulder with everybody so that it feels like you're part of the conversation. Now, here is a tip. This is for all the extroverts. This is for all of the people that are very comfortable in social situations. If you see somebody struggling to enter into a group conversation, please be the catalyst that introduces them. Be that person that welcomes them. I do this all the time because I know how many people struggle in fear of trying to just get into the dialogue. Welcome them in. Hey, we're just mid-conversation. Sorry, what's your name? John? John, very nice to meet you. I'm Kyle. Now we're just a little heads up, we're talking about XYZ. And boom, continue the conversation. Be the center, be the catalyst that controls the dialogue. Because some people do not want to be the center of the attention. Some people do not want to be the person that controls the conversation. So extroverts, if you love that, do it in a confident but careful manner. Here's some solutions to overcome awkwardness. Flip it back onto them. So an awkward pause comes in, and you could just say, your diet, you're talking about um something that the event. It's like, oh, that's so fascinating. What drew you to this event? What drew you to art? What drew you to uh this style of event? The event is the common ground. Speak to it. This is how you can build the initial rapport. You wouldn't ask a very in-depth personal conversation, personal question of somebody if you just met them. This is why asking someone, so how much do you make? That's a very awkward question to ask. Unless it's even awkward to ask of friends that you've known for your entire life. Think of starting at general and then working your way down. So, as I promised, here's this funnel that I was speaking to. Now, for those that are listening online, uh I will post this on YouTube so you can see all the visuals as well. So tell me more. Great question. Great statement. Ask more questions. How did you do this? What did you do to get here? What drew you in? What uh motivated you? What inspired you? And then whatever the commonality is. So when you're in the early stages of creating a friendship, you're gonna be in the very beginning the discover. Think about if you've ever been on a date. The date usually starts with a lot of like, so what do you do? What do you do for fun? Uh, share a little bit about what you do for work, like a lot of general high-level questions. But then listen. Important. Listen to what they start sharing for their discovery and then dive deeper. This is where you can say, oh, what inspired you to get into martial arts? Listen for the answer. Oh my god, that's amazing. So you've been doing it for 10 years. Uh, very curious. Show interest in them. And then that's how you can develop a deeper meaningful friendship. Is because, again, you're asking deep questions. The reason why people struggle with um small talk is because small talk doesn't go anywhere. If you start talking about politics, the weather, it's meaningless. But if you ask an open-ended question that can lead to deeper dialogue, that is what is going to open up the friendship and the rapport building. Now, I've gave you some tactics on how to tackle all of it, but how can you get into the no pressure invite? How can you go and create that next step of friendship? I want you to avoid your ego. Revoid rejection. Because so many people, and I'm gonna share this one for a moment, have issues with their pride, their ego, busyness, fear, rejection, and personality traits. So let me dive into that for a moment. They will say, well, if someone wants to follow up with me, they should follow up with me. That's pride, that's ego. Let that go again, be the catalyst. Say, you know what? Maybe that person should have reached out to me. But am I gonna hold them wrong? Or maybe they just got busy with life? Send them a quick follow-up. Hey, thinking of you. Let go of the rejection and the ego. And if they don't reply or respond, part of life. The quicker you can learn to get over that, the more successful you'll become at creating these conversations and these connections. But like most importantly, to the rejection and the ego, please don't take this personal. Because someone might be busy, or maybe they're not looking to develop a friendship, or maybe you caught them at a bad time. I don't understand why people get so hurt by no. It's part of life. Like people are like, well, ma'am, why was that person so mean to me at the gym? I was just asking them about their life. Yeah, they're in the middle of a set working out. They don't want to be bothered. It is your job to figure out how to deal with the social norms of conversation. And learn to identify when is a good time to reach in, create the conversation, and when is a good time to maybe just simply say, hi, wave, and move on. What if? What if scenarios? We love to think of the negative side of conversations. We love to think of, oh my God, what if this person doesn't say hi to me, or oh my god, what if I wave and they don't wave back? We think we plant all these negative connotations in our head. It's just like, let them go. What if you strike up a conversation and that leads to somebody that you could possibly date, marry, become friends with, become a best friend to? These situations are everywhere, but it takes action. And if you constantly are waiting for somebody else to create that for you, you might be waiting for a long time. Again, I'm gonna keep using this word, catalyst. Be the catalyst. Create the conversation, create the environment, create the connection, ask great questions, dive deeper into them. Don't make it about you, make it about them. Guess what that's great about? It's called controlling the conversation through question. It's a term that I've coined. If I keep asking questions, I'm finding out more information about them. And people love talking about themselves. It's a very simple way to create dialogue. Again, back to my point. Look for these things. Common interest. So wherever you are, whether it's at an event, sports, uh networking, business, what in your first moment think, hmm, what's a commonality that we could all maybe speak to. Okay, got it. Perfect. Connect with it, converse with it. But here's the other thing. Try something new. Now, again, I spoke in this in the beginning. We love routine as humans. And it's gonna sometimes maybe involve you getting into different spheres of influence, sphere of environments. For some, it might involve you going to something that's completely out of your realm. Now, if you're into sports, but you want to connect with somebody in the art world, like whatever the case may be, try different experiences. And as adults, kids are great at this. Kids will try everything. This is why parents throw their kids in every single sport and every single extra curriculum, and they just say, All right, I'm gonna keep trying it. But then as we all get as we age, we get hardened, and then we're like, we get a kind of strict, and we're like, I'm not trying that. That's stupid. Again, ego. Let it go. Let the ego go. Try new things. You're going to suck at it, by the way. Again, shine a light on it. If you're in a room and I'm keeping referencing the paint example, if you stink at painting and the person next to you is a fantastic painter, ask them, how did you get good at painting? And then just listen. It's like, yeah, I'm really struggling with my brush. I'm using this as an example. Lean on people for advice, feedback, opinions, information. It's everywhere. Again, trying new activities, try different and different experiences. And this is maybe kind of put a bow on everything. For those that have built friendships, or maybe have lost friendships, or you want to rekindle a friendship, reconnect with somebody. Do it today. This is something so easy. If you're meaning to connect with people, and I know a lot of people that have suffered with this. This happens with friends, it happens with family, it happens with colleagues, it happens with a plethora of different people, where they had a really good friendship. And then life got busy. And then kind of it just kept going. And then a week turned into a month, and then a month, a year, and then you realize, oh my God, I haven't talked to this person in two years. But in that moment, you're thinking about them. Act on that thought. Don't think, oh, am I bothering this person? Oh my god, I haven't heard. No. Hey, saw this great article, thought of you, hope you're doing well. Um, let's catch up, let's reconnect. Hope you're doing well. You can even just leave it at that and see where the dialogue goes. Reconnect. I saw this on social media and thought of you. Interesting experience. Uh, you know what? Hey, Sally, I was at an event and a conversation got brought up about Mount Everest. And I instantly thought of you because you said that you'd climb Mount Everest. I just wanted to say hi, hope you're doing well and uh talks. That's it. But again, for the final time, be the catalyst. Take action. Now I'm not throwing you into the deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim. I'm giving you the water wings and I'm giving you the swimming lessons so that I can throw you into the deep end and you will not drown. I can promise you that. But it's going to be scary. And you might swallow a little bit of water, but you are going to learn how to swim. I can promise you that. This is the same way with social settings, with communication, with conversations, and with connections. It's going to be daunting. It's going to be scary. It might be a little cause a lot of anxiety. But I can promise you from the bottom of my heart, if you continue to practice it and put yourself out there, it will become easier. I'd love to hear some feedback. I hope this was of helpfulness to you. I hope it really resonated with you. I hope you have a powerful piece of paper in front of you with all the tactics that we shared and learned. But most importantly, I want to share this with all of you. If you struggle with conversation, with communication, with connection, with speaking, with trying to build friendship, with trying to build that next event, that next environment, whatever the case may be, you have my 100% permission to please reach out to me with any social media, with any platform. My website is www.kylegothro.com. I my social handle is Kyle Guthrow everywhere. And if it worst case scenario, Google me. I want to hear from you. I want to help. No obligation. But it's going to take a bit of action from you. Be the catalyst. Start the conversation so that you can build those connections. I'm Kyle Gothro. Hope you guys have a fantastic day and an even more powerful year ahead. Talk soon.