The Long Way with Kaci
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The Long Way with Kaci
Episode 2: It's Not That Serious.. But Sometimes It Is
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"It's not that serious... but sometimes it is."
In this episode, I am joined by Ashley Tucker for an honest and light-hearted conversation about why people are so quick to stress the small stuff, yet they forget the things that actually require some emotional processing.
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Hello and welcome back to The Long Way with me. I'm Kaci and I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome, welcome. It has been a minute, a minute and a half, I'd say, since my last little, my last, my first little mini episode. But today, I am so excited, is my first full-length episode. It blows my mind that people actually like like this, but the feedback that I've received has been so good on my heart. Um and I just want to take a minute to explain that because I think when you spend so many uh years in school and so much money and so much time on training and learning and trying to grab all this knowledge, it kind of seems crazy when you finally take the step to turn that into something. So your support means absolutely everything to me. And I am so glad that you're here with me. And you came back. My neck's just been tight lately. I'm gonna go ahead and give a plug-in for the best chiropractors around. And I know that if you are in my area, you're gonna argue, especially if you're some of my closer friends. But I will say very, very confidently that Dr. Brandon and Dr. Kendra Wilbanks from Bixby, South Tulsa, that area, I I think it's Bixby. I don't know. We've been going there for like 10 years. Almost 10 years, nine years, yeah, something like that. They are the absolute best chiropractors ever. And you need to go see them. Go get go get yourself adjusted so when you get the sick and you get the allergies and things, you can fight it a little bit better. And you can tell them that I sent you from my podcast. When I recommend someone, I just need to know that I'm recommending them with my whole heart. MJ and I, for those of you who don't know, we have three kids, but our youngest two had a gene mutation when they were born, uh, the PRRT2 gene. It causes seizures. Um, there's an uh problem with their brain structure up until they get three, about around three years old, three to four years old, um, where that kind of corrects itself. So we were great past the age of four. But unfortunately, Dallas's little life and Miley's little life has been a little rough. And we were kind of in the middle of all of these health problems with Dallas. We didn't really know what we were gonna do. We were just praying that God would show us the right doctor to send us to. He did 100%. We just wanted our son to be taken care of. So we have been seeing them for about nine years now, and they are absolute blessings on our life, even though they might not know it. They came into our lives at a really, really, really rough time, and they have cared for our babies. The unfortunate thing is it is a little bit out of the way for my schedule. Um, but you can bet that we go every chance that we get. Again, we've been doing this for nine years. I would not stare you wrong. I take pride in who I recommend. Please go see Dr. Brandon and Dr. Kendra Wilbanks at Wheelbanks Care Practic in Tulsa. Um, also, one more plug. I need you all to go. One of my kids, I'm super, super proud of him. Go look on Facebook and go to um on the spot mobile detailing. You'll see a kid there. He's wearing a black shirt with a blue logo on it. That is my one of my kids, Alec, um, from school. He has started his own business and he's doing incredible. He gets wonderful reviews all the time. Just so you know, he is a high school student, but he does quality work probably better than other car detailers that I've seen. So you guys go find him and book him. Um, I have my friend Ashley here with me. Yay! You guys are gonna love her. She's got a lot of good insight. Um, Ashley started out as someone that I was kind of like mentoring for a bit, and she quickly became one of my closest friends in lots and lots of ways. And I really value her opinion on things, and she is never one that will claim that she has it all figured out, but that's what makes her so amazing is that she doesn't have it figured out, but she is willing to really find her purpose and figure out how to navigate life as a wonderful human being, and she's done such a great job. So, you guys out there, help me welcome my friend Ashley. Hello, Ashley. Hello, I'm so excited. I know, I know. I feel like we've been talking and trying to plan this forever. It's been it's been pretty long, and now it's here, and we're excited about this. We're still here. So I I was irritated on Saturday just because there was so much craziness out and about with um people just acting a mess. And so I just gotta know your your irrational things that tick you off or offend you, what are they? For example, I mowed the grass on Sunday, and the dandelions are offending the crap out of me because they are already sprouted up. It is only Tuesday. So I went outside today with my son and had a little con competition about who could pick the most dandelions and just like get rid of them. So, some of your irrational offenses, what are they? Give them to me.
Speaker 3So, like something that like makes me mad, but it's like something crazy.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something crazy, something that isn't really a big deal, but it's kind of one of those things that just irritate the heck out of you.
Speaker 2Okay, one I know like people can't control this, but I hate coughing. Like when people cough around me, I'm literally like bro.
Speaker 3Well, all right, I'll see you later. No, it's just I don't know what it is about coughing or like when it's just like in general, like coughing, blowing your nose, like okay.
Speaker 1So quick, quick question. This spring season, is that offending you at all? Because that's got everyone in a tizzy.
Speaker 3Oh, yeah. I usually walk around with my AirPods in. Yeah. Ignoring the the coughs. Oof.
Speaker 1Um there's so much, but it's hard to think of it all right now. Asking MJ about his, and his is one thousand percent drivers.
Speaker 3Oh I was gonna say slow drivers.
Speaker 1Yeah. And it I cannot say it's like a road rage thing. He will just constantly, you stupid car, you stupid car, and I'm like, there's a person behind that car, and then he's like, Stupid person. I'm like, yeah, see, there you go. You at least you fixed it.
Speaker 3Unfortunately, that's me. I have to remind myself that there's actual people. Because I'll be like, bro, this car.
SpeakerYeah.
Speaker 3And then I'm like, well, maybe it's the person like going to the hospital. Maybe it's a person like. But if they're going to hospital, why are they going slow?
Speaker 1You know? Yeah, or if they like cut me off or something like that. The kind of driver that if I do something, I'm already it's already in my head before I pass you or whatever. I'm gonna be staring in your eyes with I'm sorry eyes, and I will even mouth. You know, that awkward I'm sorry, that kind of thing. That's what I'm so sorry. That's what I do immediately. I can't. Because then I will just shame myself. I'm like, you couldn't wait two seconds to pull out, girl. Like, oh not me.
Speaker 3If I accidentally do something like that, I'm just gonna look straight ahead. Pretend they're not even there. I'll say sorry in my head. Like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1I actually had an uh a thing this morning. I had a car that I think was competing with me, and I didn't care because I don't care. I'm not in a rush to get to work, you know? I'm gonna take my time. But she was she or he was competing with me, and then they got in front of me to slow down, and it was just irritating as crap. It's just irritating as crap. I don't like drivers, I don't like I don't like weeds. What was your highlight of last week?
Speaker 3Highlight of last okay. Um, so last week I went to an escape room with my best friend and my little brother. We didn't survive like we lost. Your best friend?
Speaker 1What's up, Nate?
Speaker 3Yeah, what's up, Nate? Um, we went to an escape room and we failed miserably. And then after that, we like went to a park. It was like midnight, and we we had a very fun time. I never get to hang out with my little brother, so it was pretty fun. Speaking of brothers, how the heck is Rowdy? Oh my gosh, he's doing good. He actually just won Tumblr of the Year.
Speaker 1Are you serious?
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Okay, pause because we're gonna give a shout out to Rowdy Tucker. He goes to school at UCO, UTO, and he's a star. Literally, he's a star. He's a super cool guy, super cool cheerleader. Um, so I have been having an issue. You and I have talked about it a little bit um here and there. But this is why I like to pick your brain, is because we think the same, but also our ridiculousness is on one scale to the other. So let's see, let's see where we can meet and talk about this because it just seems like everybody is offended about the wrong things, and they don't really care about the things that they should care about. And I cannot understand that for the life of me. Um, I don't get it. Uh what do you think? What's your take on it?
Speaker 3I think just in today's time, everyone, like you said, everyone is just so they get mad about the smallest things and they call it being woke. But like there's things that we need to focus on other than the things that are making us mad in today's time. Right.
Speaker 1Cause I think that also maybe, and you guys out there listening, I just guys need you guys to know, Ashley and I are no professionals at anything. These are just strictly our very correct opinions. They are very correct opinions. That's all that they are. Um, so with that, I kind of wonder if we haven't just lost sight of what it is to like what emotions are. I don't think we understand that emotions are supposed to come and pass. Like you're supposed to experience them. Like you're not supposed to stay in that spot of being upset. You something can upset you, something can frustrate you, but it's okay to not let that frustrate you forever. It's okay to move on from that. It's okay to be happy from that. It's even okay to look at that, even if it was maddening, not just frustrating, um, to look back and say, oh, okay, I remember when that used to affect me so bad, and it doesn't now because I'm just kind of looking at how funny it is. Um, which I know that's a very, very, it sounds so simple, but I also wonder, you know, because I'm an old lady. Um you know the music that I listen to. You know that I don't agree with the music that you like. It just most of it. Most of it. Yeah. I did let them know about our trip to Omaha. I did tell them on the last episode that you and Melissa were playing all these new songs and they were just recreations of old songs that were good.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. I remember you were like, this isn't the song. But it it's lyrics are not.
Speaker 1That offends me, okay? But I feel like that is good to be offended by is taste in music. Everybody has a right to be upset about someone else's taste in music, okay?
SpeakerYeah.
Speaker 1I just I feel like that's one of those things that we can let stay. Um, but even more so, like I said, I just feel like we're just in a spot where we don't understand what emotions are. Uh maybe some of us understand a little bit too much where we're feeling all of the emotions in one day. Um some of us are in living in such crazy times that we experience all those emotions. Oh, but but what do you think? Do you think we've lost sight of maybe emotions? What what what's your take on that?
Speaker 3No, I'm I'm right there with you. There's definitely times, like for me, I'll go through five, six different emotions within a span of an hour. Um, and then like if one thing in the day makes me mad, I'm liable to hold that the rest of the day.
Speaker 4You're a grudge holder.
Speaker 3It's not good. I know that, but like sometimes I just gotta breathe and be like, wait, that was like 20 minutes ago. Why why am I still mad? Like, but it's just a lot of times you just want to be so like, oh, I'm sorry me, sorry me. Like kind of feel bad for yourself. So you like sit in those emotions instead of just being like, Well, that happened, time to move on. That's how I feel towards that.
Speaker 1Yeah, um I think people forget. I don't know if everybody needs permission, but I'm just gonna go ahead. Let's you and I just stamp our names on this and just give everybody permission to be happy. Yes. Because you're a grudge holder, but see, for me, if something sets me off, I am so incredibly uncomfortable being mad. I don't like it. Now, does that mean that I pop out of it really easy? No, there's some things that no matter what I try to do, I can't, you know, really let go. But I try because it's just so much more comforting to me to be happy. And I'm gonna try not to speak too much about my students, but that is a big part of my life. And what I mean by like offensive is there are some things that they will just be like joking with each other or they'll say something to each other, and the other one gets so offended so easy, and I can't even think of a an example that would really make sense. It's just the most off-the-wall thing. And I will ask them, like, why? Why does that upset you so bad? And then it's really interesting though, because every time I ask them that, um, I kind of get a an I don't know kind of answer, or it traces back to a little bit of embarrassment. And I think that's probably where a little bit of this is coming from. Um, and I know we're kind of getting off the trail of just being offended. We're just talking about feelings, period. But I think that people aren't used to being embarrassed anymore. And when I grew up, it was all about being embarrassed. I was in high school in the 2010s. I was in high school in the 2010s. Um, you want to talk about embarrassing, just look up prom dresses from 2011. It's awful. Thank goodness I did not fall victim to that. I wanted to, I was just not that cool enough to be in those dresses. But um, yeah, I remember having all kinds of even projects in school where I would have to get up in front of the class and speak and take your beating and just sit back down and focus on the next one. But I don't see that I don't see that people today are really able to grasp being embarrassed. And I think that is one thing that I will say, and you kind of correct me if I'm wrong, because the the perk of you being younger than me is you've seen things a little bit different. You're not too young to where you can't understand what I am talking about, and you're not, you know, you're definitely still of the age where you can figure out, you know, the side and what's going on.
Speaker 3Uh just kind of like what you were talking about. I remember in school, you know, like I would talk as much as I wanted to in class, like, but it was as soon as I needed to go up to the front of the class for like a presentation or something like that. For the amount of embarrassment, like I I would actually beg my mom to stay home because I did not want to do the presentation in front of the class, which is crazy to me because I like you know me, I talk a lot. Talk a lot. And like when I'm at school, like when I'm in class, I still talk, I talk a lot. Like I would talk to every I knew all my classmates. Uh-huh. There's just something about standing up in front of the class, everybody like looking at you.
Speaker 1That's just like having all eyes on you. Yeah. Like that's the only thing they have to pay attention to. Even though they're looking at the tiles and the ceiling, trying to pay attention to something else. They're it's it's you. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I remembered my train of thought. And I also wonder if that embarrassment, uh, this is where it helps to have you kind of not so old, but not so young. Um, I never had to worry about constantly being on the internet. Um, meaning I didn't have to worry about what I was doing in public to see if someone was gonna record something embarrassing that I was doing. And I think that the especially kids these days, the way that they're being raised is to have to watch their back every second for anything that might be posted online and taken way entirely out of context. Yes. I yeah, the first time I ever laid eyes on a camera phone, um, I remember sh uh this girl um was walking out of church and she was just smiling away and she was like, Look, I got my little camera phone. And it was one of those Motorola flip. I'm not at this point, you know, it's just it was ugly. The camera was super pixelated, but did it matter? No, because she had a camera phone. But even with that, I was actually explaining to explaining to Serenity the other day um that I grew up in the time where my text messages were not free. Um, if you were gonna get a hold of me before nine, no, you were not, because that would cost me 10 cents per text. And my mom was going to make me pay for my phone cards if I kept doing that. So if a friend would call me, I'd answer that sucker real quick and then say, call me after nine and slam it down. Um, and then I was also explaining to her our family computer was in the living room. And anytime I wanted to hop on to my space, I had to dial up the internet, make sure my mom wasn't yapping with any of her friends, make sure she wasn't planning on yapping with any of her friends within the next hour or so. And then I would have to wait however long felt like years to dial up to the internet, and there we go. Um, so kind of contrast for me growing up in that environment to here we are constantly on social media. And where I struggle with that is, you know, I do a lot of things that just don't make sense. I don't know if you have figured that out yet about me, but a lot of things don't make sense. I feel kind of just because my whole career set, my whole career path is set around media and being in the public eye. But I feel like it's a little different because I wasn't raised in that, so it's all new to me. But going back to like kids these. Days, you just have to watch your back on when you're going to appear somewhere. Even something as simple as doing your job. Um, there was, I don't know if you saw a story a couple weeks ago, um, that someone had recorded a snippet of this cop taking down somebody. And they recorded like five seconds of it. I don't know. It was probably longer than that, but it wasn't, you did not get the whole context of the situation.
Speaker 3That's normally how they how people post those videos today.
Speaker 1Yes. And the unfortunate thing is I know that cop personally, and it was really, really hard to kind of just sit around and wait on the clarification to come. But it did, and I knew that it would. Um, but I kind of hated because things were people the stuff that people were saying about him online was just ridiculous. Sure enough, the actual footage came out, the body body cam footage and everything came out, and obviously you can tell what had happened there. So just little things like that. About that, though, interestingly enough, something that I always try to tell my classes is you need to always be aware and always be thinking of the edit. I tell them. I need you to think five seconds before that video is posted and five seconds after that video is posted. What's happening in that time frame? What is the context that you didn't get? Um, and I think I have to say, I think that they are getting it a little bit because we had been learning that. So when that video came out and had watched it, they all came into class and you know, of course they were talking about it, but they were able to use their critical thinking a little bit that they have and were able to say, yeah, no, I know that's not right. Um, so I was super proud of them for being able to do that.
Speaker 3Um about like the uh social media part of it and always having to kind of watch your back.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm. Do you think that's maybe why we're losing emotions and feelings and just really how to focus on what's serious and what's not?
Speaker 3I think so, because I know personally, like when I was younger and I would use I used to go out, um, I would I wouldn't care. I would do whatever. Like I was just living. Um, but nowadays, like when I go out, I'm kinda more what's the word I'm thinking of? I'm kind of more like sheltered. Like I'm like you said, kind of watching my back, thinking, oh, if I do something crazy, maybe someone will catch it on video. And then like I always have that thought in my mind, like, okay, I gotta be kind of grounded. I got gotta make sure that I'm not gonna become a meme or something like that. Like I'm I'm always just thinking about like especially when I'm with like my friends, because with me and my friends, we are dumb. Uh-huh. Like behind closed doors we agree. We will probably be canceled. But we so we gotta we gotta watch like what we do, what we say, like when we're out in public. And like you said, I think that's another reason like kids aren't really e experiencing um embarrassment because kids aren't being kids these days. Everyone's on social media, everyone's like like I don't wanna s I don't like the word fake. I don't like the word fake, but everyone a lot of people seem to exaggerate certain things um just for the public eye. And that's why I think like embarrassment is kind of not as like common these days. I think embarrassment isn't as common anymore because everyone is so sheltered and so um almost like they're going off a script, like they're like, Okay, I gotta do this a certain way, or this person's gonna get mad, I gotta do this, or things like that. That's that's a that's what I think about it.
Speaker 1Wait, in these conversations, because you get to see things, but not only I guess is it that people don't know how to process those emotions, but I just don't think they know how to be anymore. I don't think there's any comfort in just living. They don't have comfort in their identity. You and I talk about our walks with Christ a lot with each other. Um and we know I can't imagine what it's like to not know who you are completely. Because like at the end of the day, if we're having bad days, you and I, whether we run from the thought or not, we know in our heart that we aren't going anywhere, that we are completely, we know who we have, we know whose we are, and at that point, it doesn't even matter if we know who we are. Um so we have that security, and I can just imagine how scary it is to walk around and have no idea. You don't know how to process these things, and life isn't slow anymore. And I even hate that I can say I honestly hate that for you also. Now, I will say that I know everybody, every single generation that we have has grown up with different things that are just not right. I feel like that's why I appreciate the time that I was growing up as a m millennial, because I feel like we were kind of the last generation that was able to take it slow. Everything is warped speed past it's crazy how how just kids grow up so fast, and I don't ever remember having to be faced with some of these decisions, and I know that I never was, um, but those are those are just some of the reasons why I think that man, yeah, it's actually pretty hard. And and sitting at this, sitting here talking about this and realizing some of these things, it's like of course people are going to get offensive. But I think that I think that the whole purpose of us even talking about that is like it's okay to be upset about something, but you cannot make other people's lives heck just because you are offended by something at all. Like you can't. That's just not okay in any way, shape, or form. And unfortunately, we live in a society that is so defensive um that people will just you can't say anything right anymore.
Speaker 3Yeah, you kind of have to tiptoe around conversations, especially with certain like certain people you know will get offended more quickly. So you kind of have to tiptoe, you have to filter, you have to filter what you say around them because you know, like they're very easily offended.
Speaker 1Why it's so important that you make sure that you surround yourself with people who know how to be happy, that people who around people that know how to take a joke. Um, just because someone says something doesn't mean it's directed at you. And I'm not saying this as in, again, as if I know any better, because I fall victim to that all the time. And I shouldn't even say victim. I allow myself to uh get offended by someone. I allow them to ruin my day. I hate it every second, but that's you know, ultimately it is that's what I allow. Um when I could just let it go. Okay, we know that we need to laugh more, but also there's another side to this. People don't know when to be serious anymore. People don't know how to give a time, it's time. And on part one of this episode, um, I kind of went into how I have been, you know, I kind of take Ecclesiastes to heart a lot a lot. Um so I was explaining that I really like to be intentional and live in a moment. I like to give the moment that I'm in its full respect. So if I am frustrated and I know in my heart that is something that it's okay for me to be frustrated or mad or even offended by, I allow myself to feel that. Because if I don't, that's gonna bottle up and I'm gonna be so bitter. And that's not to say that I don't have any bitterness right now. I'm a bitter person about some things right now. I have, ooh, it's I am a bitter person about a lot of things right now. Um but that's not to say that's definitively who I am. I am constantly trying to fight that with happy. Um and not to like bury it or pretend that it's not there. But I need to move on. I need to be happy. Um, this is just not who I am to be a bitter person. So what are your thoughts on that? On people not knowing when to actually give a moment it's time. And do you think that would actually change the way that we experience emotions if we were able to just live in each moment that we we have? Now, if we are no, why don't you think that people know how to really experience a moment?
Speaker 3I think people are um so caught up. It kind of go back goes back, it kind of keeps circling back to social media for me. Uh-huh. I feel like people are so um worried about you know their online presence that they're like, oh, I can't show this emotion or they're gonna think I'm weak. I can't do this, or they're gonna like I feel like people just um bottle up the emotions because they're scared of what people will think. And um which bottling up emotions we both know uh isn't very good, you know, can lead to anxiety, it can lead to different things like that. Which I think um Yeah, I just think that uh people who don't really let theirselves feel emotion, uh you know, we're human, we're meant to feel emotion. Um we're not like mindless zombies. So I that's what I think. I think that these days people are just too worried about their public image to actually sit in like their emotions, you know, whether that be like something sad or having to be serious about something. You know, like online they're like, oh, it's not that serious. You hear that a lot, it's not that serious, but most of a lot of the time it is that serious.
Speaker 1Um yeah, it's a lot of lying to people saying, Oh, it's not that serious to me. Yeah. Um, but yes, yes, yes, so so much so. But the interesting thing about that is I won't even say the interesting thing. The thing that frustrates me about that is I my siblings and I talk about it all the time that we lived in the same house growing up, just like my kids live in the same house. But not all three of my kids are gonna have the same experience. Not all of me and my siblings had the same experience. We had different things about our personality that guided the way we saw things, um, different relationships with our parents um that guided the way that we saw things. Um so just because, you know, if my sister were to say something like, I'm trying to find something that she would say, oh, you were so mean to me growing up as a kid. Um, that might have been her experience because I do remember being mean to her just a couple times. Just a few, not much. Uh but my experience was also that you would not leave me alone. And I asked you to a million times. Yes, yes, yes. So I also don't think that people they're again so caught up in their themselves, like you said, that they don't know how to think about the other person at all. I don't think that's a thing anymore. Um, I would say just general population, I don't think that's a thing anymore to think about anyone other than yourselves. And a lot of people will defend that and say, well, I have to take care of me, nobody else is gonna take care of me. And yeah, take care of yourself. But also, it's your job to take care of everybody else around you. Also, I mean, not as in your job, but what is that hurting if you are also being kind to other people, you're thinking about someone other than yourself. It's absolutely hurting nothing. So I don't know. The the the really bad things about it are things like the selfishness and this, but then there's an also which you what we've been kind of all decid been deciding on what's wrong is it's very sad underneath. I should listen to you guys. Um, I think that what people fail to realize and what I wish that they would realize that is that there's even perks to crying. So, like experiencing those emotions, your body is supposed to do that. Like it it is designed to do that. That when you cry, that actually is doing good things for your nervous system. Maybe not if you're a crier like me. How what kind of crier are you? What kind of crier? Yes. Meaning like I mean, okay, so if I'm sad, it's a more of a silent cry. If I'm mad, I'm like shaken. And that is the cry that I hate the most is that mad cry.
Speaker 3Oh yeah. I honestly I don't cry often, but when I do cry, it's when I'm like so mad that like I start crying because it's like my body's trying to hold in, like just blowing up. Right. And so like the only thing it releases is tears instead of releasing like words that will potentially hurt someone. Um but I'm really just like a mad cryer, and it's like a it's like a shake, kind of like you, kind of like you were talking about. And like sad crying is just like I just do it like quietly, it's more like sniffles.
Speaker 1Like I'll be like that just took me back to those cries as a kid when you get your butt busted.
Speaker 3Yes, and then like you're trying to stop crying and you know what?
Speaker 1I could go for a good cry like that right now.
Speaker 3Yes, I actually saw something um really cool about that. So, um, like as you know, I was going through like a lot of anxiety and stuff, and I would have like feelings in my chest, and I was like, I feel like I can't breathe. Like, and I was just like online, like kind of searching like what people would say. And they're like, um, you know how a lot of people are like just take deep breaths. Well, there was one person that was like, don't take like a deep breath, take like two sharp deep breaths and then exhale. And then I saw a comment saying, like, what's crazy is that's what's that's what our body does, like when we're trying to stop like crying to get like our body regulated, like because when we're crying, you know, you're like like your body naturally does that because that calms your that calms like your nervous system, and then like I think it's called your vagus nerve. I don't know. I've been learning a lot these past days. Anxiety, it'll take you down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 2For real.
Speaker 3Um, but that sharp inhale, exhale, that's definitely the type of cry that I do most of the time. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1Ooh, but I'm just thinking those cries. I couldn't like I said, I could go and then just drift off to sleep and have the best sleep in my life. I wouldn't care to open up and not be able to see a thing.
Speaker 4Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1I say that, but I definitely don't want what comes with that cry. But I think the point of this is there's good to that. Um, we see the bad and that obviously something sad has happened or something bad has happened to make us that way, but it's still okay. It's still okay that we feel those feelings. Um one feeling that I feel a lot um is just wondering where the audacity comes from, you know? That's what I want to know. Sometimes I'm just like, the I don't know. Because where does it come from? Seriously, who do you think you are? Oh my gosh. I don't know. I just wish people would okay, we talked about the crying, but how good it feels to laugh. Oh till your belly hurts and your cheeks hurt and you're slapping like a seal. That is the best. You slapping your knee and slapping like a seal. That is the best kind of laughs.
Speaker 3I I love laughing. Like I know everybody does, but like just I don't know if everybody does.
Speaker 1I actually think the sound of laughter like irritates the crap out of some people. And I say that in like a semi-joke, but that's actually very sad because I'm thinking even if people that I know like around me that just get irritated anytime there's something good happening. And that's gotta be a rough, rough place, rough way to live.
Speaker 3Because laughing, I don't know, laughing just releases, doesn't it like release like endorphins or something like that? Like laughing, like if I hear other people laughing, even though I don't know them, I'm gonna start laughing. Because like happiness and joy is contagious. So like I do, I feel for the people that hear like people laughing and actually get offended. That goes back to what we were talking about in the beginning of the podcast, getting offended over like irrational things.
Speaker 1But I'm gonna tell you what I will get offended by. Like, you keep laughing, but if you don't invite me in, I'm gonna be offended. I want to laugh. I want to be there. You better repeat the story I want to hear.
Speaker 3You're like, wait, what happened? Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1And it's not in a place of being nosy, like it's just that I think that everybody is seeking some kind of like place of belonging, some kind of sense of community. Yes, and that's what I want. Like I love a full room, I love a full house, I love a full everything to be able to just sit and talk with people. And the interesting thing is you can tell when there is a negative attitude in the room. Oh, yeah. You can feel it. Yeah, you absolutely can feel it. It makes everything so heavy.
Speaker 3It's like that saying uh about like the tension is so like what is it? The tension is you can cut it with a knife or something like that.
SpeakerLike I was thinking cut the cheese, but that is I was thinking cut the cheese.
Speaker 2Oh my god, it cut the tension with the cheese, but I guess that does work for me. I think it's because I heard something of like with cut the tension with a cheese knife. And I think I got it fixed up to like cut the cheese. But why would you cut the tension with such a specific knife? Okay, oh my goodness. Ooh, I needed this.
Speaker 1Yeah, definitely. I was like, if we could change this now, everyone would be laughing and having a good time. But here's the positive thing is that you and I are talking right now, and we have our buddies that are listening that are also in the car. And um, so thank you, buddies, for being with us in the car. But um I don't I wish there was a simple solution to how to fix this, but it's interesting because let me ask you this when is the last time that you just sat around and you were thinking about someone else and what they were doing? Because if it's for like for me, I'm not just sitting around thinking about someone all the time. I'm usually thinking about myself and I'm usually processing the idiotic things that I have said that day in the ways that I. have made myself misunderstood because I chose the wrong words. I'm just thinking about myself.
Speaker 3Yeah. I rarely, I would say I rarely like negative like negatively think about people. Um I do think about people often, but there's there's more pros than cons when I think about people. So like maybe I will think a negative thing but I'm like yeah but also this and it's something positive. So like my my brain kind of balances it out.
Speaker 1But just with that it's like why do we spend so much time caring what other people think when they're they're probably also experiencing what we're experiencing. Thinking about everything they've done done wrong or not thinking about it at all. Like the moments happen and they've moved on. That's a skill. But I often wonder what would happen if we all would just realize and remind ourselves that hey nobody is thinking about me. And they're probably only thinking about themselves. So who cares when you are laughing too loud and someone gets annoyed. Who cares? I I was speaking to one of the parents and my principal and we were talking about senior night my principal and this parent both have seniors and she said well I was doing fine until she hugged me and she was talking about me and I told her I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But for me it's not that I set out to make her cry. I just wanted to give that moment everything. And for her she was trying to hold it together she explained to not cry and embarrass her son. But for me I'm just like you will never get this moment back. This is going to be gone in an instant and it's okay if you cry because it doesn't matter because those people they're not standing up there with their baby looking at everyone and letting their baby graduate high school you know let them judge your crying when they're in your shoes. I said yeah I just really like to be in a moment all in a moment all in and that's kind of just the way that I try to live my life um man I don't know I just feel like life would be so much better if we laughed more and we were able to process those emotions that we have all just let ourselves become so unsure of.
Speaker 3Yeah and like I think about like um like depending on the type of emotions that you feel like us as humans we are meant to feel emotions. Like if we weren't we would not have them and there's a lot of emotions that need to be felt before you can move on or heal from something. And I think that that's one of the reasons people get stuck in like anxiety or depression because they let their self sit and they try to block out the emotions. They're like maybe if I distract myself and they just let that stuff sit and eventually those emotions will grow to a point where your body has to get them out whether that's through a panic attack whether that's through like crying like your body has to release the emotions like it's part of life. That's what I think when it comes to like emotions.
Speaker 1I also think that we forget that there emotions are also a blessing from God and that Jesus also experienced emotions. So like if he can experience emotions why are we trying to hide them I hope that you would never get the idea that Ashley and I think that we're any kind of better. We actually believe that we're worse. That's why we think that we need Jesus so much more is we constantly see ourselves as not the God it doesn't change the fact that they are a gift. Again we talked about like all the the good things which by the way we we don't know what we're talking about. So if you guys out there know the emotions and stuff yes we can look this up but we want to hear from you if you guys know the emotions um the good the good endorphins and things get that really get released and calm your nervous system go ahead and let us know about that because we're interested we are absolutely interested we like feeling all of our feelings yes even in the moment in the moment you're like I don't want to feel this but like in the long run your body your mind your soul like it's just like cutting the cheese you got to let it out. Yeah you've got let it out yeah I guarantee you this won't be the last time you're on we got things to say we got all these correct opinions that we just need to shove down everybody's throat all the time but they're good people right we're friends my way or the highway right that's what I'm saying you can only be offended by the things that we're offended by so next time you hear someone cough you better get mad. Yeah yes everybody get mad uh okay well thank you guys so much for joining us thank you for being so welcoming to my friend Ashley um you will no doubt be hearing from her again but we appreciate you guys listening um thanks for staying with me a while thank you