How to Emotionally Connect With Your Daughter Before It's Too Late | First Hero Podcast 008

Most dads were handed a lie. 

The lie that being a man means being hard, emotionally mute, and untouchable. But that same armor you built to survive is the exact thing keeping your daughter from getting close to you. 

In this episode of the First Hero Podcast, Corey and Rich break down what masculinity actually means for the modern girl dad, why emotional unavailability is silently destroying father-daughter relationships, and how tactical vulnerability is the most powerful skill you can build as a father of daughters. 

This is not about going soft. This is about becoming the most dangerous version of yourself — a man who can protect his family and emotionally connect with his daughter at the same time. That is the man she needs. That is the man she will remember.

Corey and Rich break down the difference between toxic vulnerability and tactical vulnerability, explain the law of reciprocity and why it changes every conversation you have with your daughter, and give you three real world moments where vulnerability lands the hardest as a girl dad. If your daughter has been pulling away, shutting down, or stopped coming to you with the hard stuff, this episode was made for you.

Timestamps:
0:00 The Lie Every Man Was Handed About Strength
2:34 Why the Old Version of Masculinity No Longer Fits
4:32 How Culture, the Military, and the Playground Wired Us This Way
5:32 Rich and Corey Share What Manhood Looked Like Growing Up
8:44 The New Definition of What It Means to Be a Man
9:32 The Dangerous Man Concept — Warm and Fierce as a Girl Dad
11:16 The Real Cost of Emotional Muteness on Your Daughter
14:02 Toxic Vulnerability vs Tactical Vulnerability Explained
19:26 The Law of Reciprocity and the Three Key Moments of Vulnerability
27:24 Hot Take — The Quote That Redefines What It Means to Show Up

Take the free Girl Dad Quiz in the link below. It is a five-minute compatibility test that shows your strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots as a father of daughters. You will walk away knowing exactly where you stand and what to work on next.

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Subscribe to the First Hero Podcast for new episodes every week, built for girl dads who are done drifting and ready to design a legacy worth leaving. 

Remember — distraction is the enemy, breaking the cycle is your duty, and legacy is the only thing we leave behind.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Somewhere along the way, us men were handed a lie. And most of us, we believed it. The lie that being a man means being hard. No tears, no apologies, no weakness. We gotta bury it all down, push through it, and don't let them see it. And so we built our armor, layer by layer, year by year, and we got really good at wearing this armor. But here's what nobody tells us. The armor that was supposed to protect us is the same armor as keeping our daughters from getting close. The strongest thing you'll ever do as a father is take it off. Today we're gonna talk about the new definition of what it means to be strong. Welcome to the First Hero Podcast. I'm your host, Corey. And I'm Rich. And today we're gonna talk about a very controversial subject, something that uh uh a lot of us men don't like to talk about. And we're the point of this is to hopefully rewire some of your beliefs of what it means to be strong in today's society. Um, we're gonna talk about the V-word. And no, Rich, it's not what you mean. The V word. It's the V word, it's it's vulnerability. Get your mind out of the gutter.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yeah, vulnerability. This this one mixed with masculinity, this is gonna be a good episode because there's a lot of uh there's a lot of hot buttons here.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yeah, a lot of hot buttons, and there's definitely a lot of energy that's gonna be around it, a lot of pinching, a lot of calling out the mainstream masculinity. And what we're gonna do is we're really gonna call out what masculinity means, and we're gonna try and define it in the terms of the first hero aspect, right? And if you align with it, great. If not, also great. So we're gonna we're gonna launch this episode with the lie that we were handed uh about masculinity, right? There was a lie, or or maybe just a truth that that's no longer a truth. Maybe it was true at one point inside in society and culture, because maybe we had to be, you know, a certain way. But I think now that we're in in this in this culture of of safety, of more or less safety, and we're not being hunted by tigers and you know, we're no longer cowboys in the West trying to survive. I think, I think we have to define the term of masculinity and what it means, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Yeah. And I think that I think more importantly, for those of you man's men that are listening to this, hang with us here because we're not about to uh we're not about to sprinkle glitter on anything or you know, do anything like that. But I think as an evolved man in a society that has evolved, these are really, really important fundamentals to be adapted well for survival in today's arena.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

That's right. Today's arena, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

So yeah, I mean, let's talk about where these lies come from.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Yeah. So I think I think well, I know a lot of our beliefs have been externally exposed, imposed on us, right, through culture, society, our parents, our parents' parents, right? What we kind of come together and we kind of agree on systemically as as a culture, right? And I think, you know, it's also driven by propaganda, propagandized a lot of, you know, um, the way we see ourselves as men today is just one big propaganda war, which, you know, we're not gonna get too into, but it's it's cultural. It's the you gotta, if you don't know how to cook meat, then you're not a man.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

If you hunt, you gotta kill. You gotta hunt, you gotta kill, like you gotta suck it up, you gotta bury all those emotions and don't cry, and you gotta be tough and and tough as fucking nails. And yeah, you know, the most most of us absorbed that in childhood. These were beliefs imposed on us from a very young age that we really and we adopted these beliefs and we didn't really know what they were, right? We carry these beliefs into adulthood now, and that's just how we operate without kind of auditing those thoughts or beliefs, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

And it wasn't just men that were passing this down either. I think it was it was also, you know, it could have been our our mothers, yeah. It could have been the females in our life at the time because they were also subjected to they were also subjected to the uh narrative of what a man should be. Yeah. And their toughness, their toughness and roughness and standoffish, you know, and um, you know, kind of that that brute strength type of uh emotional shutdown, that emotional pullback, you know, all of that.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

100%. And this and and this this version of masculinity of what, you know, you gotta be tough as nails, emotionally mute, you know, man up, big boys don't cry, that was modeled for us at a very young age again, right? So, like, you know, I was a firefighter for many years. I was also in the military. And those are environments where that was like the nut up or shut up, like you have to be a man or not. And that was very much reinforced. And when I look back on it with this new lens, you know, the word toxic masculinity, I know a lot of you men get triggered by it, but there is toxic masculinity, femininity. There's just being a toxic fucking person, right? Like we don't need to label it or anything, but there are traits that I would label on the more uh aggressive, toxic, slash violent side, if we really want to like label it. And, you know, those are the the brute strength, the emotional shutdown without the warmth, right? And and that's what we're gonna kind of break down here in this episode.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

So, Rich, I'm curious. Like, when when you were a kid, what was like what was the laundry list? Because I'll share mine after yours. What was the laundry list of like the top 10 things that you need to need to have to be a man? Like, what did that mean to you when you were a kid?

SPEAKER_00 5:27

You know, I was thinking about this in preparation for this episode. I was very fortunate that my father went through a season when I was really young where or he was still in a season when I was very young where he was still a version of this of this um man up, don't cry type of version of himself. But I would say before I was of the age of 10, my dad did this, did this profound uh pivot and found a connection to to uh himself that I think most men never do. Right. And um, and so I got to see both sides. But you know, for me, like I don't know to this day. Yeah, you know, I've seen my dad cry. A lot of it can be unspoken, right? This is an example of one. For my dad, like there's nothing that we're like my dad was like was like preaching to me and like implanting ideas verbally in my head about this, about this topic. But something that I noticed even at a young age is like my dad doesn't cry. Never, never saw him cry. For the first time I saw him cry, maybe in my 20s. Yeah, you know what I mean? And just that alone was like, well, I mean, my dad doesn't cry, like, you know, but must must not must not be a thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Right. And it was also reinforced by like, you know, sure other people saying, Don't cry. Sure, don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

And at that point, right, like maybe I would, I would definitely see my mom cry. Yeah, right. I would definitely see other people cry, but my dad, my dad never did, right? And so, I mean, now I understand that that was probably a connection to his emotional state at the time, you know, and and maybe disconnecting from his emotions later in my life, you know, I could tell he made this big pivot in connecting with his emotions. And personally, I felt his masculinity, you know, went to the next level because he was, he he could be, and we're gonna dive into this, but it's it's showing strength in in um showing strength in a vulnerable state.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah, for sure. I think now, now that I look at it, the the the laundry list of things, you know, that requires a man to be a man is like like starkly different than what it was growing up, right? And luckily it's the same for me. Like my dad was always dude, my dad was a transitional character character. He was a psycho breaker in his family. Like everyone else is either dead or on drugs, or like my dad is the transitional character. He is the outlier from his family. And I was very lucky because my dad was very self-aware. He had a lot of reflective qualities that he passed down, and really a lot of that toxic masculinity, or the, you know, the the and I'm using the word toxic masculinity very loosely because I know that's widely used, but the the traits that cause people to call it toxic masculinity, he didn't really have a lot of those. I learned a lot of that on the playground, you know, growing up, and especially once you get into the fire industry or the the fire or the or the or the military, that's when it's like, dude, it is just such a parasite, I believe. And it's just like really gets in the way of our growth. But the laundry list when I was a kid was you gotta be able to cook meat. If you can't cook meat, you're not a man. You know, if you fall and scrape your knees, then you're not, you know, you gotta suck it up. You gotta be emotionally mute. And and motion emotionally mute to where to the sense where, you know, where you're using stoicism as not a tactful way of being stoic in the eye of a storm, but you're emotionally mute, you just don't do anything. Like nothing, like you don't open up. That's what it is to be a man. And now when I look at the paradigm or I look at the what it means to be a man with this lens of today, a modern as now I'm now I'm a grown man, I'm in my late 30s, it's grit, perseverance, it's compassion, right? Compassion's a big one, vulnerability. Vulnerability is a huge one, self-awareness, reflective, being able to reflect, gentle, kind, right, but also being a force to be able to protect your family and protect your own, right? And none of those does it say you need to be hard and tough as nails. Yes, sure, you should, but there the what it means to be a man is you can be those things and also be warm and gentle, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:25

You know, something that comes to mind, dude, is is um I think uh Bedros talks about this. Yeah, you know, um, we uh I masculinity, the way that I see it today, is someone who can do all of those things, have all possess all of those traits as a man. And I think it's so critical for us as girl dads to really exemplify the blend of this, which is someone who is compassionate, warm, heart-centered, good communication, aware, emotionally intelligent and adapted, resilient, and possesses an extreme ability for violence if needed. Right. That's being peaceful. That's a dangerous man. Right. That is a dangerous man, and that's a that's a man that can stand by your daughter. And and let's face it, if you envisioned your daughter with someone in the future with a with a man by her side, all of those that's what you would want. You would want something, you would want a man who was so well adapted to be able to cherish her and and and be with her mentally, physically, and emotionally, but also to be able to flip a switch and step into full-blown, like violence, caveman violence if needed. Right to protect her, protect the family. And that's really what we're talking about. And I think what we're pushing against is this concept that a lot of us were fed where it's not a blend of the two. It's more so of like it's either or. Either you're soft and you know, you you talk about your emotions and you you can't swing a bat or throw a punch, or all you can do is throw a punch and kick people in the face and knock teeth out, but you have no connection outside of that. And I think that that's what we're trying to draw a stark line between.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Blend the two and meet the other one. It's either you're you're one or the other. So there's a stark contrast. Either you're a master in being a feminine father, girl dad, or you're some badass tactician who can knock people out, right? Right. You can be both.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

So, but there's there's a true detriment to that, right? There's a cost to being that way, right? To being the quintessential father that's hard as nails, tough as nails, emotionally mute, right? And as a girl dad, this is very important to understand the stark contrast. Because, dude, I promise you, I'm telling you, if you keep living your life like this, if you're like, hey, this is me, if you keep living your life like this, using these common lies, the lies of masculinity in today's society, hard as nails, tough, right? Gonna rub rub some fucking dirt on it. She's gonna hate you, bro. She is going to hate you. And she's gonna love you because you know you're her father, but she's not gonna want anything to do with you. She's not gonna want to be connected. She's not gonna be connected, she's not gonna see you safe. She's not gonna feel secure in the relationship, and she's gonna run. Like she's literally gonna avoid you. She'll talk to you because she has to, but she's never gonna come to you and say, hey, dad, this is what's bothering me because it's usually met with opposition. It's usually met with control, right? Manip manipulation, if you want to call it. Hey, you need to do this, you need to do that, because you're so rough and rugged and you have these beliefs that it's just it's totally gonna fuck, it's gonna ruin your relationship with your daughter, right? There are key skills that we need to sharpen here, right? There's cognitive abilities, these skills that we need to work on, right? It's self-awareness, it's reflective, communication, listening, shutting the hell up, and listen to your goddamn daughter, right? And and first and foremost, vulnerability to be able to be vulnerable. Right? So if any of this stuff is hitting for you, if any of this stuff is hitting for you, if it's landing for you, you're you're you're one of us, right? You're you're a cycle breaker, you're waking up, right? So, but we have something for you. We have a quiz, we have a girl dad quiz for you, and this is a compatibility test with you and your daughter, right? To show you your strengths, weaknesses, blind spots, and it's a five-minute quiz. It'll tell you exactly what you are. Go in somewhere in the description around this video, there's a link to this quiz. Take it. It's probably the most important thing you're gonna do all day, all year in the rest of your life. I promise you. You're gonna get a bunch of cool stuff, uh, a bunch of cool free stuff with it, right? So let's move on because I want to talk about something else that's very important. And we're gonna lead into the last thing I just talked about, which is vulnerability.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about, let's define what strong vulnerability looks like. You know, it's I think a lot of us men, we think about vulnerability as when you're you're just falling apart, dude. You're falling apart at the seams, you know, you're you're just you you you you have no rigidness left. You're just a puddle. You're just open. You're just open. All your secrets here. All your secrets, like right, you know, it's it's being it's and and I think this is this is what's really important because vulnerability has has two types. Yeah. And so the way we see it, right? We've talked about this. There's toxic vulnerability, and then there's tactical vulnerability. Yep. And so, first let's talk about tactical vulnerability because this is really what we want to harness as men and as girl dads. We want to be sure that we are being very tactical in our approach to vulnerability and not just assuming and lumping all the vulnerability into, oh, it's toxic, you know, it makes us weak, soft, it loses respect, it loses, you know, it loses our position. Um, we'll dive into what what that looks like as well. But first, let's talk about tactical vulnerability. And really, this is this is, I think the the basis of it is is is reciprocity. Reciprocity meaning if you meet someone somewhere, they usually are willing to meet you as well and reciprocate. And so being vulnerable, if you if you haven't experienced this, I would encourage you to. But if you've ever, we've all been in these moments, whether you're whether your father listening and you're like, oh, I don't know, I've never been in that moment where I've been vulnerable. Well, maybe you need to peel back the curtain a little bit further and take a deeper look, my friend. But there are moments that each of us experience, it can be at extreme highs, it can be at devastating lows, typically at the up at the at the opposite ends of those spectrums, is where if we're not, if we don't have an awareness of vulnerability and we're not using it tactically, then it will show up, but it'll show up automatically by default when we're at the polar opposite ends of the spectrum of when we need to use it and when we're at our worst, at our rock bottom, or at the highest high. And we're having a conversation with somebody very vulnerably about where we're at, right? It's just like a euphoric feeling. But there's reciprocity. When you meet somebody at a very when when you when you deliver yourself at a very vulnerable place, people tend to meet you there. Yeah. Right. And that is a very, very important quality to teach your daughter. And that's a that's a very that's a very um important um space. Yeah. You know, like you introduced me to a to a term called brave space. And I believe that that is that is the core of it, right? It's a space of vulnerability. It's a space where you're encouraging the parties involved in that space to meet you in a and be brave. Be brave enough to be to to speak, speak vulnerably, shed the armor, talk through the bullshit, yep, and and connect at a level that isn't, that is, that is much deeper than surface, because that's where a lot of the that's where a lot of the work can be can be gained.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah, I I love it. And that was from Brennan Brown, actually, uh, in her book Daring, uh, Daring Greatly. Love it. Or Daring to Leader, one of the two. I can't remember off the top of my head. Love it. Um, yeah. So to kind of chime and like kind of echo what Rich is saying, I I think most men get tied up with an improper definition of vulnerability, right? I as a girl dad, I think it's very important to understand the two key differentials of vulnerability, because this is very important. Because as a culture, we we tend to say, as men, vulnerability is weakness. And actually, it's not, it's actually the the strength that opens you up to connection. So the the two types of vulnerability, I'll kind of talk on toxic, right? Uh this is no term coined by anyone. I just added this in there. This is this is my definition of what vulnerability means, because there's a spectrum of vulnerability, and we need to understand the two of those before we can really make a decision on whether or not vulnerability is weak or not. Because if we use it in the way that Rich and I use it tactically, why wouldn't you use it as a skill, right? Why? Why would you not? Right. So toxic vulnerability, there's a threshold that you cross with toxic vulnerability. And that's typically with oversharing or if you're emotionally spilling. When you start making someone feel uncomfortable, or when you start making someone feeling like your emotions are now their burden and responsibility, i.e. your daughter, I think that is toxic vulnerability. And I think that's what we label classic vulnerability or tactical vulnerability nowadays. So now what I want to do is I want to flip the switch and now kind of echo what Rich is saying. Tactical vulnerability is very intentional. Like we're using this as a tool. When I go into a dialogue with my daughter, my wife, or anyone, I'm now I'm using, I'm using vulnerability tactically to open you up, create connection, to create, um, to create uh trust inside of this dialogue that I'm safe. It creates security in the conversation. You're safe. It happens psychologically, unconsciously. When someone opens up to you and is vulnerable, it uh in the listener or the someone you're whoever you're talking to, unconsciously, your your mind is cueing this person safe and secure. I can open up to them, right? You're saying, hey, I've faced struggle too, and here's what I've learned from it, right? That's what tactical vulnerability is. It's sharing, it's sharing your struggles, your emotions, but also it's sharing your mistakes in a way that builds trust, connection, and influence, right? So, what Rich talked about reciprocity, I'm gonna talk about it real quick and then I'm gonna pass the mic over to you, Rich. But I wanted to talk about um tactical vulnerability and the law of reciprocity and creating this feedback loop because what happens psychologically is very important with vulnerability. And this is what this is where I, once I learned the the law of reciprocity and vulnerability, it just clicked for me. So hopefully I can create this epiphany inside of you, right? When you're using tact, when you're using vulnerability tactfully, right, there's an outcome. You want to, you want, you want something. You you're you have a mission, and that mission is to create a feedback loop of reciprocity. So reciprocity by Robert by Robert Cialdini, he he was the one who framed it, is humans feel an internal pressure to return what they receive, right? So if someone gives us something, we instinct instinctively feel compelled to give something back. It's like Christmas. When someone gives you a Christmas present you didn't expect, you're like, fuck, dude, I didn't get you a Christmas present. Like that is reciprocity, right? And that's so powerful, right? It's so powerful. When shows some, when someone shows authentic vulnerability, you're you're compelled. It kicks this reciprocity and you're compelled to then share yourself, right? As a girl dad, this is very important to understand with your daughter because when I'm, you know, I I I have a toddler, but when I'm with talking to my wife or anyone in that matter, my main point when I know it's a heavy conversation or it's a conversation about emotions, or if someone wants to listen, my first I'm throwing the first punch, and that's tactical vulnerability. I want, I want to make sure that this brave space or the box or the or the container that we're in is safe and secure. And the other person on the other side knows, okay, Corey's safe, I can talk to him. Right? It builds trust, empathy, and and it triggers our our mirror through our mirror neurons.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And it it takes no courage to stay numb. And any man can shut down, but it really truly takes a warrior to feel the full weight of something and still choose to show up anyway. And that's that's not weakness, that is truly strength that uh a man can can do anything with that. Right. That is the strongest version of us as a man. Yeah, I agree. So let's talk about for most of us girl dads, let's talk about where one of these areas where vulnerability uh in real life situations as a girl dad shows up the most. And that's gotta be in admitting when we're wrong. Yeah, right. It's probably the hardest, hardest vulnerability to it's the hardest, and I think it starts at the youngest age. Yeah. Like, you know, it starts when they're one. Like I was fortunate enough to grasp this concept, you know, when this this is a concept that that I've I've been aware of and familiar with and had an awareness around throughout, you know, from when I first became a father. Yeah. And so I've been apologizing to my little girls ever since they could understand, you know, e before, probably before they could speak words. Yeah. Um, because daddy does screw up and I need them to know that that I'm human, but but part of being human is being willing to to step up. And admit that I'm wrong and showcase what a man does in the face of in the mirror when the mirror is in front of them and they realize that they're wrong, right? Yep. So we'll we'll dive into this and talk a little bit about this, but why do fathers avoid apologies? Oh man. Well, I mean, this goes deep.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

If you want to listen to another one of our podcasts about uh repair after rupture, uh, a lot of that stems from childhood because they've learned that mistakes are bad. And then your nervous system sends all these signals to say, oh, you're bad. So what happens is fathers feel shame, they feel guilt, they feel um, you know, less than, and they need to hide that and they need to bury that. So when they feel mistaken or feel wrong, they avoid repair altogether because they learn that that failure and repair and making repair is dangerous.

unknown 22:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

It's a dangerous thing for your nervous system. So they it's so uncomfortable and so unbearably uncomfortable to admit you're wrong or apologize that most men just don't even do it.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah, it's it's it's like um, you know, it's it's being embarrassed, being pub publicly embarrassed, right? You're losing authority, you're losing respect, you're losing control. Right. And all of those are signals to the brain from us being wired as young men that uh failure is bad. Right. Authority is power, and if you don't have authority, that means I'm weak. Exactly. That's the story in your head. And that is part of the though, those are traits that are that are aligned with the toxic version of masculinity. When masculinity is fueled by by or or the lack thereof or vulnerability is fueled by those traits, I think that's what we're really pushing back against because it just, you know, it it doesn't have a place. It's just we're we're we're further, we're more adapted than that.

unknown 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

You know what I mean? Like we have an opportunity to be more adapted, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:43

For sure. Definitely big opportunity. And and really before we move on, uh, you know, before we move on, there's three, there's three moments of vulnerability that really land the hardest. And especially as a girl dad with your daughter, these are very important to understand the three key moments of vulnerability is after a mistake. So this is where repair happens. This is where you say, I didn't handle that well. I was wrong. Sorry. When naming emotions, this is very important to name emotions, right? If you name it, you can tame it. And then you're also building awareness with your daughter. But this teaches emotional literacy, right? I'm frustrated right now, so I'm gonna take a deep breath before we talk. That's a that's a moment of vulnerability, right? Because you're sharing your emotions with most men want to shut emotions down. No, we don't want to do that, right? And then the third time is when sharing growth. This is the kicker, dude. Right here. This is what this is this teaches that adults evolve, that you evolve. You're constantly learning. Hey, my dad didn't teach me this, so now I'm gonna be more um, I'm gonna learn how to do that with you. Right. This is extremely powerful because it reframes the father as someone who's actively growing. That's the three, that's the three key moments of vulnerability as a girl dad.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Yeah, I love it. And those are very real world examples. Yeah. You know, on a daily basis, if you have daughters, you can you can find places to implement this because um none of us are perfect. That's not the goal here. The goal is is to be growing and be in pursuit of a better version and of that idea of being a first hero in in in spite of our imperfections, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Right? Yeah, you're a modeling accountability. Yeah. So yeah, so it's very important to understand, you know, feeling feeling everything, all the emotions, feeling the weight, the uncomfortability of vulnerability because it's gonna be so uncomfortable until you make it a skill. And even still, like I have a vulnerability skill that's pretty high, and it's I still very uncomfortable for me sometimes. But being able to feel everything and still do the hard thing is what a designer does, a hero does, right? A drifter, he notices or not even notices at all, and he just keeps he avoids it. He doesn't, he he just he pushes it down and he doesn't feel like like he wants to uh address these things, right? Strength is not the absence of it. Strength is not the absence of being fearful or grief or guilt, it's an action in the presence of those feelings. That's what's important here, right? Courage is being scared, but saddling up anyways.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

That's the that's being a real cowboy, being a real man now, right? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

And the funny thing is, I think that that was always the version of it, but it was clouded because there wasn't, if you look at where this came from, it wasn't it there, probably wasn't as much of a need for the for the warm version of it back in like back in like the Wild West days. That's what I'm saying. Like it just wasn't necessary. We weren't involved enough to to need the tactical version of vulnerability.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah, because we had to be dangerous, we had to be hard and tough as nails because to survive. 90% of the time to survive. I have to kill this dude because he's gonna shoot me. Right. You know, and then that we just carried that on, and then that's what it perpetuated, and now we're in a society and a culture where we don't need to be hard as nails. We have we can choose to be. We don't have to be. Yeah, make sense. Yeah, it can be a it can be a flip, it can be a switch. Yeah. Well, I think I want to let's land the plane, dude. Let's let's do this hot take. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do. So, for those of you new who's listening, um, we're gonna we're gonna land the plane. We've had a nice, impactful podcast episode. And now what we're gonna do is I'm gonna share a quote with Rich. And Rich that he's never seen or never heard, or he maybe he's heard, but uh, it's unbeknownst to Rich. He's he he doesn't know what I'm saying, and then he has to do it, give a hot take of what it means to him. So this is what I got for you today, and I think it's fitting. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing, it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

One more time, read that.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Yeah, I think this is what's so terrifying for us men is there's a couple there's a couple there's a couple key words in there that I think hit me if I put myself in the perspective of of an older version of myself. But the first thing is as a man, strength, respect, position, authority, status, a lot of those things can be words that describe us or internal beliefs or internal accolades. And vulnerability at its core, to this, to the point of this, is the absence of that. You have to you have to be able to leave all that shit to the side to be able to really to really meet someone vulnerably, because it's not about winning or losing. It's not about having an edge, it's not about pushing for moving forward your agenda. It's about delivering yourself in a way where you can communicate where you're at and then completely separate the results from from where from you delivering very honestly and authentically where you're at. Love it. And that that is that is the difficulty because you have to let go of the control. You have to let go of all of the all of the limiting beliefs and all of the shit swirling around in our heads, and you have to deliver yourself unarmored and stand there with no armor, and you have to be okay with the outcome. And sometimes for us men, that can feel very, very close to death. Out of control. Out of control, dude. Exposed. And so that's why I think that this is this this topic is truly at the core of being a very, very strong man and being in touch with your masculinity today, because dude, I mean, you can go to the gym and bench 315 pounds, but if you can't fucking stand there with all of your armor shedded in front of someone and be okay and be strong and bold enough to someone you love and care for, or even not, even if you were to, even if you were to just expose yourself and sh and and you know, take off your armor and be okay with the results of whatever it is, and know that you're strong enough internally to manage whatever is about to come at you, dude. That's a whole different level of strength, man. That is a whole different level of strength. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

That's it. So if this episode hits you, if something, if you recognize the armor that you've now been wearing, if you recognize like, dude, I have armor. Like this podcast was made specifically for you, right? You're a cycle breaker. You're no longer drifting. You've understanding you're drifting, and now you're a designer of your life. You're the hero, right? You're a man choosing a different path. You were a girl dad choosing a different path, not only for you, but for your family and your daughter.

unknown 30:43

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

So go take the girl dad quiz if you haven't yet. It's a compatibility test. It shows your strengths, weaknesses. I mean, it's it's it's not a very comprehensive test. It's five minutes, but it gives you a lot of insight on where you're at and where you can improve. It takes five minutes, and you get a whole bunch of cool free, uh, free resources as well to become a better badass dad that you can be not only her first hero, but her best hero. So remember distraction is the enemy. Breaking the cycle is your duty, and legacy is the only thing we leave behind. And you are just one decision away from becoming the first and best hero your daughter deserves.