If They Won't Change, Neither Will Their Skin

Have you ever felt like you're working harder on your client's skin than they are?

In this week's episode of The Skindustry Podcast, I'm diving into a topic that every skin specialist will relate to at some point in their career - how to be firmer with clients whilst still being fair, supportive and professional.

A fellow practitioner recently asked me how to deal with clients who expect life-changing results from facials but aren't willing to make the changes needed at home. Whether it's acne, rosacea, pigmentation, or ageing concerns, we often find ourselves repeating the same advice over and over again, wondering whether we're educating or nagging.

In this episode, I discuss:

✨ Why you can't want clear skin more than your client does

✨ How to set realistic expectations from day one

✨ The difference between educating and nagging

✨ Why treatments alone rarely create transformations

✨ How to encourage client accountability without damaging the relationship

✨ The importance of stepping into your role as the expert

✨ Why being firm and being kind can coexist

If you've ever struggled with client compliance, unrealistic expectations or feeling responsible for results that are outside of your control, this episode is for you.

As practitioners, our job isn't to promise miracles. It's to provide honest guidance, evidence-based advice and a clear roadmap. What a client chooses to do with that information is ultimately up to them.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me @theskindustry_ and @foxieskinclinic so I can thank you personally 🤍 

Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Amazon Music 🎙️

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi guys, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Skin Distry. The overwhelming amount of support from last week's episode was so nice. I'm so glad you all loved having Emily on. Isn't she just incredible? Like, I have so much respect for her as a figure in the industry. Yeah, have a lot of time for Emily. She's so lovely. The amount of technical issues I had to begin with was unreal, and she was so patient and absolutely smashed it because that was her first podcast as well. So you would literally never have known she was such a natural big, big fan of her work. So today we are gonna talk about being firm but fair with clients because this is something that a lot of people have spoken to me about, they're a little bit unsure of like how to do it or feel a bit nervous about doing it. So, and I feel like I am the queen of firm but fair. Some of my clients may not agree, but I feel like I have got down to a T being the professional and being the person that has to say, actually, no, you also have to be accountable for your skin. And if you're not doing the things that you need to do, I cannot do what I need to do, and I cannot give you the results that you desire. What we're doing in clinic is 20% of the results. What clients do at home is the other 80%, and if they're not doing their bit, they're not gonna get the results. So some clients are an absolute dream and do everything that you ask them to do, do as they're told, use the right products. Everything. Other clients, not so much. So those are the ones that we're gonna talk about today. I was speaking to a skin specialist a little while ago and she said, I feel like I still have a lot of clients who expect miracles from facials but aren't ready to go home and look at their lifestyle, change their diet, etc. I think we always mention that transformations aren't an overnight fix, but I think it's not easy for some clients to accept this, and I sometimes struggle to get clients to listen without me feeling as though I'm nagging them to change their routine at home. And honestly, I think as a skin specialist, every single one of us has probably felt this at some point or dealt with a client like this at some point, especially when treating things like acne or rosacea, or treating clients that were some bed users and are now like dealing with their pigmentation from that. So today I'm gonna talk about how to be firmer but without being harsh, and how to set expectations properly, how to stop carrying the responsibility for results that ultimately do just belong to the client. So the biggest issue is clients come to us after years of struggling. They've tried every product, they've been to the doctors, they've bought things from TikTok, they've spent hundreds or even thousands of pounds, and because they're now desperate, they feel like they've done everything, they've tried everything, they want the solution immediately. And the problem is that a lot of clients see having skin treatments as the solution, not just part of the solution. The facial is the exciting bit, that's the bit that they look forward to. This is the thing that's going to cure all of the problems. But the lifestyle changes, the sleep, the stress management, the consistency, the home care, they're the boring bits. They're the bits that the clients don't want to have to do because the facial should just fix everything, and that's unfortunately not how it works. And the boring bits are the bits that create the biggest change. So, this is what we're having to try and communicate to clients and say, actually, no, we need you to do X, Y, and Z. Otherwise, this treatment that you're paying for is actually just a bit of a waste of money. I always say to my clients, I can give you the best treatment in the world, but I only see you for one hour a month and you're living with your skin every single day. One hour versus the other 700 plus hours until I see them again is not enough to do much. And when you do sort of frame it like that to a client, it kind of changes the perspective. So another way I explain it to clients is the gym analogy. And if you are in any groups that I'm in, you will have heard me say this a million and one times. But the gym analogy is if you had a PT and you were seeing that PT for one session a month, or even one session a week, one session a week, one session a month, regardless, and you'd go to that session, the PT would do their thing, they'd tell you what to do, they'd run your workout for you, and then you go home, don't do another single workout, don't follow the diet plan that they've given you, don't do anything else that they've told you to do, are you gonna get results? No. Whereas if you see your PT once a week or once a month, and then outside of that, you're doing workouts every day, you're following the diet plan to a T, you're taking the supplements, you're doing all of the things that the PT has told you to do, are you gonna see results? Absolutely, yes, you are. That is exactly how skincare works. If the client isn't doing anything at home or is doing the absolute bare minimum, they're not gonna get results. So they'll get very, very minimal results. Whereas if they're going home, they're being consistent with their skincare, they're, you know, looking at their diet, they're following all the advice that you've given them regarding their sleep, their stress, their everything. Their results are going to be visible much quicker and much more obvious. One mistake that I do see a lot of practitioners making is talking too much about the outcome and not the journey. We show the before and afters, we show the glowing skin, we show the transformation, but are we actually explaining what it took to get the client there? Because every transformation photo has a story behind it: consistency, patience, setbacks, lifestyle changes, product compliance, sometimes purging, sometimes difficult conversations, sometimes months of work. But if we're only selling the outcome, clients are then gonna be disappointed when reality doesn't match their expectations. So if they're coming in and expecting to, you know, just come for a treatment once a month and their skin's gonna be clear, they're gonna be disappointed. Very disappointed, because it takes a lot more than that, especially like say, with things like acne, rosacea, exmospheritis, anything like that, any like inflammatory conditions, it's very rarely what they're putting on their skin that's the issue, it's what's going on inside, and that is the thing that you as a practitioner cannot control. You can give them the information, you can give them the knowledge, you can literally write them a step-by-step, but if they're not going to do it, they're not gonna see results, and you need to give them that self-awareness and that accountability that if they don't do that, what's the point? Kind of thing. And that is how I frame it to clients. I'll straight up say to them if you're not going to do what I'm telling you to do at home, you coming and seeing me every month is a waste of money. You're wasting your money, you may as well not bother, and you may as well just carry on how you are, because you'll never clear your acne if you're going home and just eating whatever and barely sleeping and just you know being stressed all the time and not actually doing anything about it. There's no point. It's not gonna happen. We need to make them aware that it is a process, it isn't an overnight fix, it's not something that's gonna go away in a couple of weeks, it could take months, but it will happen if you follow my advice and do exactly what I'm telling you to do. There will probably be up and downs, especially when it comes to clearing acne. They'll probably go through a purging phase, their skin might clear and then flare up again. That's normal. What you need to do is prep them for that so that when it happens, they don't then spiral and fall completely off the bandwagon. You are gonna need to play an active role in their day-to-day life. Like, you end up when you're clear in things like acne, you do end up being like a therapist for people. They need a lot of support and a lot of time and a lot of what's the word, motivation sometimes to keep going, especially at the beginning when it's hard and they're not really seeing the results. And I think something that we need to make them very aware of is that their results are directly linked to their commitment. So, in my consultation forms, in my functional health consultation forms that I send out to every act me client, at the bottom it has a scale answer question. I don't know how you would say it. Basically, it says, How committed are you to your skincare journey? One to ten. If anybody puts under an eight, I will question them on it and I'll say, Why? What what are you expecting from me if you can't commit to this fully? Because, and I will turn people away, I will say if you're not committed to doing exactly what you need to do to clear this, I'm not getting involved because it will come down to the fact that you will expect your money back, you'll expect, you know, to have more time. Like, I don't understand why if you're going to a person asking for help, you're then gonna say, Well, I'm not actually committed to doing it. I just want you to do it for me. I can't do that. And I think that's where we need to be really upfront and honest with clients. You can't have a client coming in that, you know, is struggling with their acne but is going out every weekend and smoking and going on the some beds and eating takeaways five days a week. You know, unless you're willing to give all of that up, we are gonna get nowhere. And it's not negative, it's just being honest. Like, I do think you need to be honest with clients, especially when it does come to things like acne or anything that requires them to make internal changes or lifestyle changes. Because if you're not upfront and honest at the beginning, you're gonna have to be at some point, and once they've paid their money, if you then drop out on them, they're gonna probably ask for their money back. I also really want you to hear this when I say it, but you're not nagging a client, you're educating them, and there's a huge difference in that. So nagging sounds like, have you done that? Have you done this? Why haven't you done this? Education sounds like, based on what you've told me, this is likely slowing down your progress. Would you like me to explain why this could be contributing to your breakouts? This is ultimately your choice, but I want you to understand the impact that this is having on your results. It's the way that you frame it. So you notice how one approach creates resistance and the other creates ownership and like accountability for what you are doing is directly impacting your results. Not, well, why haven't you done this? Why haven't you done that? I've told you to do this, because that, you know, that that would piss me off. Like, I don't like being told what to do. Whereas if I've had PTs in the past and I had one really good PT and I stayed with him for like 18 months, he was incredible, we still chat now, and I would be super open and honest, and I'd be like, Do you know what? No, I haven't done that this week. That's on me. And he'd be like, that's fine, you can have you know down days or like you know, time off, but it will slow your results down and it will mean that it's gonna take you longer to get to where you want to get to, and I'd be like, so true, so valid. This is my fault. Whereas I've had PDs in the in like in other circumstances that have just been like, Well, you know, you need to do this many steps or you're not gonna get the results. You need to do this or you're not gonna get the results. Why haven't you done this? I've told you to do that. I understand that, but lifestyle sometimes gets in the way, and that's not always possible. So it there does need to be a hint of understanding with a hint of accountability. Your client ultimately has to feel responsible for their decisions. They can go and have a takeaway, they can go and have a night out, but they need to understand that the impact that that may have on their results, you're simply there to just provide guidance to them and like guide them along the journey or the program or whatever it is that you're offering them. And I think sometimes you do need to let clients experience the consequences, which might be a little bit controversial, but I think if you do have a difficult client that's just really not listening is being quite combative, I think sometimes you need to just let them see it for themselves, and then you can go, don't you so. If a client keeps saying, and this is one that I hear all the time, and I honestly pisses me off the moment a client says it, but I just think be professional. If a client keeps saying, Oh, I know I should be sleeping more, I know I need to reduce my stress, I know I should stop picking, I know I need to eat better, you already know. Repeating yourself to them another 15 times, it's not gonna change anything. Their like mindset and the way that they are currently, they're not in that place. So instead, document it, track it, refer back to it. Get them to start writing down what's going on. Journaling, how long they slept, what they've eaten today, if they've done any exercise, if they've done any nervous system regulation, and then when you refer back to it at your check-ins or your next appointment, ask questions. So, what happened to your skin when your stress increased? What happened when you stopped using your products? What happened when you your sleep improved? The most powerful lessons usually come from the client actually just connecting the dots themselves and seeing the proof and seeing, oh shit, if I, you know, go out on the piss every weekend, my skin does get worse, whereas if I don't do that and I get better sleep and I look after myself, my skin improves. Crazy. It's not like I've been telling you that for the past six months, but it does take them seeing it for themselves to understand. I think where we also struggle a little bit is we are very caring people. You have to be to do this job, you have to be caring, you have to care about people. We don't want to upset anybody. We obviously want our clients to like us. Like, that's normal, that is totally fine. But it comes to a point where you do have to step into your role as the professional and not as their friend. Again, going back to the like the personal trainer analogy. If somebody hires a PT and then eats takeaways every night, skips their workouts, and ignores the program, no one's blaming the trainer. The client of the PT isn't gonna go, it's my trainer's fault that I'm not losing weight or I'm not, you know, getting lean. They'll be like, Oh, it's my fault because I'm being a fat pig, I'm eating all the time, I'm not doing anything that I'm supposed to be doing. Whereas in skin, we carry the emotional burden for clients and their like lack of compliance when realistically it's not our fault, it's the client's fault. It's your responsibility to provide the best advice possible. It's not your responsibility to convince somebody to follow your advice, and that's literally it. Like the client chooses what happens next, and we have to basically voice that to them and just say, like, I can only do so much. There is only so much I can do to help you on your skin journey. Ultimately, the book stops with you, and if you cannot be accountable for your actions, we cannot continue this. I cannot be blamed for what you are doing. And there's one phrase that I use to people all the time, and it really does work, and it is do you want my professional opinion? Nobody ever says no. Sometimes people will go, yeah. Because they know that I'm about to give them a volcanic, but it always works. And when they say yes to that question, they've effectively given you permission to be direct. Then you can explain, based on what you've told me, treatments alone aren't gonna get you where you want to be. Or I think your expectations are higher than what is realistically achievable in the time frame that you've given yourself. Or if nothing changes at home, progress is gonna be significantly slower, if happening at all. And suddenly it doesn't feel like criticism, it feels like professional guidance because that's exactly what it is. I had a client the other day that came in, she's been coming for skin pen, and she is quite what's the word? She doesn't want to spend money on skincare. And I've explained to her multiple times that, like, you know, you get out, what you put in, and blah blah blah. And she came in for an appointment the other day. I think we're like three or four skin pen sessions in, and she comes in and she goes, I feel like I'm just not seeing any results. So I was like, What what do you mean? I was like, From the skin pen or products or what? She's like, Well, both. And I was like, Right, so you feel like your skin hasn't changed at all since we first started. And she was like, Well, it has, but like not much. So I was like, right, well, talk me through your routine, because I know that you obviously bought a couple of the products that I recommended, but not all of them. And she was like, Yeah, well, you know, I'm you know, I'm using the cleanser that you recommended, and I'm using the Medicaid crystal retinal, and then I'm just using like a I think it was like a Laneige moisturizer, and I was like, is that it? And she was like, Yeah. I was like, right, well that you know, it's not the best routine, is it? Like it it could be a lot better, and we have spoken about it being a lot better, but you haven't bought the product. So if you're not doing what I'm telling you you need to do at home, you're not gonna get the results that you know I can guarantee you because you're not giving the skin what it needs between our appointments to be hydrated and nourished and thrive, basically. And she was like, Yeah, I know, but like you see people like Olivia Ratwood and she's just got the most incredible skin, and like that's that's what I want my skin to look like. And I was like, right, okay, pause that thought. How much money do you think Olivia Ratwood spends on her skin a month? And she's like, Oh, I don't know. I was like, I would probably say thousands. She has multiple treatments a month, she has injectables, she has lasers, she uses the best skincare, expensive skincare, that is advised to her by her skin specialist. She's had surgeries, you know. The list goes on. I was like, she invests in her skin and she gets that investment back in the way that it looks. You're not doing that, respectfully. So that's not gonna be the same. And then she was like, and my makeup, like, I just feel like my makeup doesn't stay nice, like I'll put it on and it looks okay. And then, you know, halfway through the day I'll look at it and it just looks like dry and dehydrated, and all my lines you can see and everything. And I was like, Right, well, what makeup are you using? And she's like, Oh well, I use like a Primark foundation. I rest my case, Your Honor. Like, and honestly, I l I just looked at and I just went, Yeah, I don't know what you know what I'm gonna say. And she was like, Yeah, yeah. I was like, you need to invest in your makeup and your skincare if you want to look a certain way. I was like, you know, my skin doesn't look the way it looks now from using basic cheap shit skincare and cheap makeup. Like I invest in it because I want it to look a certain way. Yes, I still get breakouts. That's my own fault, and I know that's my own fault, and I admitted that on the internet, but for the most part, it looks pretty good, and that's because I invest in it. I use good skincare, I use good makeup, I have treatments, I look after it day to day, I take supplements, I drink as much water as I can. I was gonna say a lot of water, but it's where I do struggle, it's where I really do struggle. And she was like, Yeah, you are right. Will she do anything about it? Who knows? But you know. At the end of the day, it's not our job to promise miracles. It's our job to tell the truth and be realistic and tell clients where they are falling short. The best skin specialists aren't necessarily the ones with the fanciest clinic or the most expensive treatments or equipment. They're the ones willing to have honest conversations and be realistic with their clients. They're the ones that educate, they're the ones that set realistic expectations, they're the ones that understand that being firm and being kind are not opposites. You can do both at the same time. And that's where I'm gonna leave it there. Because I feel like I have nailed this this time. I've not rambled, I've done pretty well with this one, I think. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Skin Distries podcast. As usual, if you've enjoyed this episode, please take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram stories, and tag me at the skin industry underscore. If you are a skin specialist who's struggling with client expectations, boundaries, compliance, send me a DM. I want to hear your experiences because I think this is a conversation our industry needs to have more often. I hope you all have a gorgeous week and I will see you in the next episode.