If its harder than breathing its NOT for you!

We took a deep dive into why I got pissed off and how i need to slow it down to fix the unlying issues not what provokes me in the moment. 

Bright.o bagels signed on as a new sponsor!!!! Welcome Josh and Team! 

And to wrap up a little "answer the internet" with some life adice for the  post divorced! 

Josh Lanning episode on The People of Peoria podcast:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/724716/episodes/14164469

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Yo, shut up and listen. We're back. It is Monday. It's snowing all day yesterday. I spent the day in the garage at Sarah's house. Sarah just moved in a couple months ago. So Sarah's very type A. I'm very type B. Um, so the garage was kind of the landing zone for like, you know, I put a new shower in. We've done some painting. I've done a little bit of work. But it's just kind of been a dumping ground, right? When you move, everything is just in the garage. And then on top of that, you got all the construction stuff. And then you got the winter mix. And it's just, you know, Midwestern garages typically are just dumping piles for stuff. So one day she kept bringing up the garage. And I finally had to look her dead in the eye and say, babe, listen, that's just the way it has to be right now. Like as soon as that weather breaks, oh, sweetheart, I'll have that door open. I will drag it out, sweep it out, blow it out, organize it, put it back. And boy, did I do that. Was I not lying? The first nice day, I was out there all day yesterday. Um, had some homegrown bud. Um, and it was just a perfect Sunday of focusing, listening to like the best 2000s, late 2000s, not late 2000s, um, probably late 1900s, which is my TikTok handle, uh, but like late 1900s, rap, 190s rap into early 2000s, but the sun was just blowing in, baby. I had all I just drug shit out. I had wooden shelves, I just threw them away. I had some cabinets I went and bought, put some cabinets up, put the fridge and the deep freeze in its spot, it finally has a home. Took my workbench. I've always been a workbench guy. I've always had a workbench, and what I'm learning now is I had a workbench in there and it just fills full of stuff. So I'm rewiring my brain. I'm going, I want more of a tool cabinet, like a couple pantry cabinets, and everything has its spot versus a workbench. Now, if I need a working surface, which I often do, then I just set up a sawhorse and uh have a top for it. But uh yeah, yesterday's weather was Chef's Kiss. I even sat out in the garage late, like it wasn't late, but it was dark and cold, but it was just like I know for the last couple weeks I've had like this adventurous heart. And I think in the core of every man, there is uh there is a part of him that needs adventure. Now, this doesn't have to be like rucksacking across the Appalachia mountains. Like, this is just whatever you find adventurous. Like, I could see for some guys, uh, they need to just be like they need their game time, right? Like maybe they're a gamer, and no one else understands what that means to them if they could just have like 48 hours of not picking up like eating chips and just leaving the bag on the floor, like whatever it is that like just float. You can just be yourself, it doesn't matter. I I think every man needs that, and I'd be I'd be I think it's fair to say probably every person needs that from time to time. But I knew the last couple months, I'm like, I need an adventure. I honestly just want to put my tent in my truck or my van and just take off. And like, yeah. So I got that was like my adventure day, right? Sarah's out of town on work. I did not have the boys Sunday or all weekend for that matter. So from Wednesday, today's Monday, I've been on my own. And I definitely the first couple days, I struggled just like I get sad by myself. I don't like being by myself. It's not a comfortable feeling for me. But at the same time, I love isolation. I think that's why me and Sarah connect so well, because like we're not goer outers and do and see, and like even with the boys, like I don't really like mainstream things. Like, I don't know how to describe that. Like the mu like, we're not a museum, like not even a museum, but like a theme park, not our cup of tea. I love to be isolated, but I have I want people that I love isolated with me, right? Because I'll go through days where I just like don't even talk, like not a single word. So I could tell I was getting kind of like boo-hoo-y. So it was Saturday. I forgot what kind of got me out of that slump. Oh, I went and got those cabinets and like kind of had everything ready for Sunday to hit the ground rolling. And then Sunday morning I was up, man, cleaning that garage out, and like preliminary spring clean, right? Preliminaries. It's not about making it perfect right now. Right now, it's just getting rid of the fluff. So I had truck bed backed up, I had all these cabinets and all these this shit that was just I was like, I don't care, I don't want it. Like, throw it away. So I loaded all the junk up and then I kind of organized everything in little quadrants. You know, we got Sarah's shelf with all like her stuff that still needs to come in from her old house, and then I got my shelves put up with like all my tools, but they still need organized. I got the workbench out of there, I got so much stuff thrown away, and it's just like starting to do ideas. So we're really wanting like a cool like hangout garage. Like in her previous marriage, they had a like functionable garage. Like, we love things that function, not just things that look good, but like, is it functionable? If it's not functionable, we don't want it. It's just it's junk, it's in the way. So I was like, how can we build like the coolest functionable garage to where like the garage doors open, the boys are in the driveway, like there's places to sit, there's places to cook, there's places to tinker, like if I still want to get my tools out and build. So got me all excited for summer. And I woke up to snow. I don't watch the weather, and they got me this week, ladies and gentlemen. They fucking got me. I don't, I never watch the weather, I never watch like storms coming in, like, whatever. Don't quit lying to me. You have no idea. So sure as shit, this huge storm is gonna kill everyone, supposed to be coming through. This was last week. So I even called the boys at school. I was like, hey, I'm gonna get them an hour early today. Like, I just want to be home if something happens. So I went through all this. It's not trouble, but I picked them up early and nothing happened. Like, okay, well, instead of coming at 6 p.m., it's supposed to come at 3 p.m. And by this time, dude, I'm fit, I'm in it. I'm looking for live stream. Also, Peoria Area, any news station. If you have a news station and you're not live on Facebook or an everything, like you're not you if you don't have a YouTube channel you're live on, like I don't know if that's a tw uh switch, Twitch. I don't know what that's called, but Jesus, you guys, you need to be live on everything and then sponsor it. My God, can you imagine a company sponsoring severe weather? Your name would be everywhere. Jeff's podcast, we're checking in. This is sh sh uh weather warning storm. This live is brought to you by Shut Up and Listen. Jesus, so everything else is an ad. You may as well. What's another ad out there in the universe? Uh, but yeah, I don't pay attention to any of that stuff, and I was almost mad because I actually did prepare this week for the tornado supposed to come through. Never nothing. Nothing. It pushed off till three in the morning. I had my alarm set. I don't know why. On my phone for 2 30, just so I could fulfill my Midwestern duties by looking out the window at 3. And there was nothing. Nothing at all. So okay, thanks, Weatherboy. Gee, there's it's it's you would think they get better at this, right? I feel like as a kid, old Bob Murray in Springfield, I think that was his name, Bob Murray. He was a celebrity, the news guy. I saw one time in public. Uh looked a lot like Jay Leno, I think. Older guy. But I remember he'd be like, well, you're gonna get about 13 drops of water at 130. Sure shit. You walk out there, all 13 of them right there where he said they're gonna be. Now they're just like, it's gonna storm. Not today, but it will. Someday. It'll storm out there. We'll get a storm. Just until then you be sure to freak the fuck out. Okay? Be sure to fucking freak out. I don't like it. I don't like the fear mongering of weather. It kind of drives me up the fucking bat shit crazy wall. Also, at first I said no sponsors, but then I said, well, maybe we'll have some local sponsors. Or maybe I didn't say that, but we're gonna have some local sponsors. But here's the thing. Here's here's the thing for sponsors on this page. If I don't know the owner, if I don't love their product, if I don't consume, use their product, you won't hear it from me. This is strictly for people I know that are out there busting balls, sun up the sun down, making American Dream work. Alright? And they are paying me. There is a there is an exchange of money because I believe every service, I believe what I do, not so much on this specific podcast, but for the most part on social media, I would say, yes, there is a there is an outreach that I have that is worth something, monetized value. So I priced it for this podcast. It's new. I don't know where it's gonna go. But if you want to jump in, baby, you want to jump in on this. Just a second, my girlfriend's calling me. Hello, you're on the air. I'll just recording a podcast talking about you. No, I would like you to give me a 15-second plug on Bright O'Bagel. Ready, set, go that you said the best. I can't. I can't. That was perfect. I love that. You know why I love that? Because it was as real and as authentic as a advertising can be. It was off the cuff and it was just real.

unknown 9:35

Not my best word, but fine.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

A little bit of a surprise guest there. Oh Sarah Conn in from Texas. Um bagels. So anytime I'll have a sponsor, it's gonna be something I love. It's gonna be something I believe in. At least on this channel. Any other channel I start, care less. Could care less. You want to throw money at this baby? I'll advertise you all day long. So also remember, potential sponsors, uh I do a lot of social media work, TikToks, Instagram, Facebook, uh, even long film, uh long style version long version film. So yeah, if you got a business out there, local or not, I don't care. I'll fly anywhere. You hearing this from New York? On a plane. Cali? Uh go out to Cali. Let's shoot some film. But yeah, so this sponsor is gonna be no other than Josh Lanning. Josh Lane, as we talked about before, is a Michelin star chef. This dude has traveled the world literally. You can go back if you search, I'll put the link below. But if you do uh look up People of Peoria podcast, you can look up Josh Lanning and hear kind of his story, uh, which has since evolved since we did that. I mean, everyone's life has evolved radically since we did that. But if you're needing some bagels, check out the Bright Side Kitchen. This is what he has conjured up for himself. Address. Get your pen, get your paper, write this down. I'm gonna kill as much time as I can until I scroll far enough to find the address. Okay, I found it. You ready? Oh six East McClure Avenue in Peoria, Illinois. Bagels Wednesday through Saturday, 7 to 11, or on Fridays, you can have them delivered, and 99% of the time, guess who's gonna be delivering them? Just guess. Alright, it's me. I'm delivering. If you look at my TikTok uh late underscore 1900s, you will see some bagel delivery videos. Um yeah. Just fell into it. I just fell into it, so I did it. It's fun, I enjoy it. Uh, but he did call today wanting to uh kind of check my delivery schedule, see if I'm willing to do some more deliveries, and then uh kind of work with him on social media. So I'll pop in at some so he has uh ramen night ramen bowls. Now I know what you think. Like, same thing. I'm not a huge food knowledge kind of fella. And when I hear ramen bowls, I think of what I just make my son. Just the ramen bowl. Oh no, sweetheart. No, no, no. It is so much more than that. Uh picture it's like comparing a 1994 Chevy Cavalier, which is my son's ramen bowl bowl, to um a Rolls-Royce ramen bowl. That's the only thing, that's the quickest thing my brain put together for you to help you understand. So, yes, he has the bagel shop going on there, but he also has like the absolute best ramen bowls and that is I think it's kind of hit and miss. It says every other Thursday, Friday, and then he does some pop-up events. So follow him on Instagram. We'll send you to their Instagram. It is just enjoy bright side kitchen is his handle. Brightside culinary and hospitality, just incredible stuff he's doing. Uh when I eat things there, he made a a lox bagel with it has like salmon on it, and I'm thinking, like, dude, I don't want this in the morning. What do I want to eat this for in the morning? Like, I'll eat salmon, but it's not like I don't know, I don't love it, but I don't hate it. When I tell you this lock, somehow he puts this stuff together and it and it just works out. It's almost like if his ingredients were two and two, somehow he comes up with five, and it just makes sense. I don't understand. So again, go check him out on McClure Avenue there in Peoria. It's just good. I hate restaurants, I hate going out to eat. You know what I love? Know what's the best for me is just like bar food. You know why bar food's so good normally? It's because it's someone unique, it's not all coming from like Cisco or like even um Mexican restaurants. They all they're all the same. Yeah, they may be a little bit different here and there, but like you go to a real Mexican restaurant, you're like, oh, this is like actual food. And the thing is, you don't feel as gross afterwards, you don't have all those preservatives, you don't it's not frozen. There is something to be said about even if it's not quote unquote healthy food, it's good food. Like it's good for you, not good for you, but it's just good food, not processed, not overdone, just food. Homemade food. So go check them out. Bright side kitchen, bright old bagel. It's awesome. And get your orders. You got a company. Seriously, right now, if you could do me one favor. Um, if you're listening to this in the Peori area, if you know anyone with a business or like that works in a big office that orders food, please send them that way. Tell them to order a Friday delivery. Let me bring it to you. You know, order order a couple dozen. And I think you get free. If you buy 12, you get if you buy a dozen, you get three free. I don't know, something like that. But yeah, let's not be naive to the fact that you can go get a dozen bagels from somewhere a big chain and it's gonna be way cheaper. Yeah, no shit. With this isn't a secret, we understand these things. And if that's what you want to do, awesome. Because if that's your mentality, then you're not gonna enjoy how good you're not gonna appreciate how good these bagels are because you're just buying them for the price, right? Oh yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. Fell into that one. Uh spend a little bit more and get something worth buying. Uh, and it's just, I know Yeah. We're done with that ad. We're done with it. Go buy some bagels. Uh, but today we're gonna talk about myself. It's crazy, right? Uh, but there is gonna be a little lesson mixed in there somewhere. Today's topic is going to be dismissive avoidance. Uh it says here, dismissive avoidance is a specific attachment style characterized by tendencies to emotionally distance oneself from others and minimize the importance of close relationships. So I that is gonna be kind of the second part of this story I'd like to tell. But the first part is projection, which everyone projects something, it is just the way human tendency works, and this story will it'll maybe help make sense of what projection looks like, at least for me in this scenario. So when I had my uh woodworking company when I was running it full-time, I had an employee, and although it wasn't the best, the absolute best employee, honestly, I really we had a pretty good friendship, and I felt like in a way we both needed each other. Um, especially going through my divorce. He went through some pretty traumatic events as well. So it was just kind of a, you know, when it worked, it worked. When we were healthy, we were healthy, but when we weren't, it was just it was never we were never on the same page with it. So that kind of made it really difficult. But nonetheless, no bad feelings. He knew I was closing shop, he worked with me to the end. Wasn't a huge falling out or anything, but you know, fast forward, I would say, coming on a year maybe of being closed. There was still some money I owed him for labor and a couple tools that I still had of his, and he just kept asking for them back the last week. And I just really haven't been in the best spot the last week. I just really haven't been in a I can't worry about anything else other than my like key 10 things that I'm constantly trying to do. Like I try not to get off track, I try not to leave during the day if I'm working from home because it'll get me off track. So it's one of those I'm kind of in a survival mode kind of. So it's just like the more he texts, more like, I don't owe you anything. And that's literally what I kept telling myself. I don't owe you this, I don't care. And that was I was projecting whatever I was going through onto what he was needing, right? I kept like, and then finally I just like I was just an asshole. And I just like text him all this shit. And I'm just like, dude, I don't owe you anything, blah, blah, blah. Like, I don't care what you do. And and honestly, and the what set it off is I felt threatened. You know, he did bring up something about wanting to press charges, which is a crazy thing to bring up. I mean, I I mean I understand the thought behind it, I understand why he said that, but at the same time, I was just like, dude, come on, like it's not that big of a deal. But instantly, as soon as I saw that, that's where my projection started. As soon as I read this, like, oh, you want to come from me? Oh, you want to do that? All right, I got you. And then I got into just like mean mode, right? And done. Cut off. That's it. I don't care. So the more I thought about it, the more I thought about it. One thing he did say is like, you're nothing like you say you are something. And I knew that got to me. So then it was a matter of unpacking why that got to me. And I always say you have to figure out why. Like you can't just be mad, why are you mad? Because he said that. You're not mad at what he said, you're mad at what that means. So I was able to kind of pull that apart Friday night, I believe, and it kind of clicked like he was right. He goes, I was not being who I am, I was I was not being who I want to be in altercations. I was being someone that I don't want to be when things are wrong, and that's what it took for me to finally like, oh, okay. So I felt bad and I realized why I was lashing out. It wasn't because of what he wanted, it's because of the way he came at me, which is uncontrollable, right? You can't control the way someone comes at you, but you can control your response. So I'll just read it. I'll read what I sent him. Um, and this comes from many years, not many years, a couple years of just like learning about yourself. People always say, like, oh, you what do you mean? Well, you have to learn yourself. Like for my biggest thing is like, why do these upset you? Why do you get stressed? Why do you get tired? Why do you get mad? Like, not because of what happened. You kid break something, you get mad. You're not mad at that. You're mad at something else that happened that day. You're projecting. Projecting sucks, man. Um, and you I people do it all the time. We all do, we all do. But it's honestly the easiest way to get a hold of it is you just you have to learn how to stop in those moments and be like, why am I mad? Why am I mad? Why am I mad? Why am I mad? Okay, let's fix it, and then I won't be mad about it anymore. And it works. I mean, it's just a you got it's a it's a habit, okay? So what I said back, this was yesterday, uh yesterday morning, so I must have figured this out Saturday night. I just simply put, I'm sorry. I'm projecting because I'm really in a weird spot in life, and then it turns into dismissive avoidance, and I know that's not good. But the truth is, I truly don't know where your jigsaw is. I did find a battery yesterday, haven't used tools in a while. So if I do have your jigsaw, I know it'll show up sometime. As far as the money, I'm gonna have to sell some more crap. I really don't have it right now. Sorry for the way I handled it. I know it was me, not you. And instantly in that very moment, for those text messages for me are so hard to send. You know how fast I can send a bullshit message? You know how fast I can lash out and be like, fuck you, don't ever talk to me again. Like nothing. Easier than blinking, easier than breathing, I can send those out. But to swallow a pride and send a text like that takes me a while. Because I've probably been thinking about that since Friday night. And I would get all about it, and then I'd not do it, and then I'd be like, Oh, I'm not, I don't I don't need to do that. Fuck that, I don't need to do that, I don't need to do that. And then all of a sudden, I'm just like, the more I think about it and curate my words and actually think about what's wrong with me, not what's wrong with everyone else in the world. I'm like, okay, so you sit down, as soon as I hit send, as soon as you hit send, it's gone, it's gone. But the trick that no one tells you is you have to mentally prepare for their response. You've got to think, this is the outcome I want, right? This is what I want him to respond with. But I'm gonna think in the real world, he might not respond. He might not respond the way you want him to respond, and that's okay. You do this to clear your own conscience, not theirs. And this isn't just about my situation, this is about anything. A lot of the times I think we have to make things right for ourselves, whether that is accepted by the other party, that's up to them. We can't change them at all, and we can't expect them to answer the way. It's not our job to convince anyone else. And that's something I'm really trying to learn is accepting people's quit trying to win. I'm trying to not win. I'm trying not to win. I don't need everything to be a debate, I don't need to be right. We had a discussion of whether Charlie Kirk was racist with my buddy the other day. Um, and my buddy is a black guy, and we're sitting there talking, and like you can tell in his eyes he's super passionate about it. And I'm like, bro, he's not a racist. Like, but then afterwards I got to think, I'm like, why in my mind was that automatically a debate? What did it matter if that was it? What did it matter who who was right or wrong? He has just as much right to think that Charlie Kirk is a racist as I do thinking he's not a racist. That is such a fair thing to say. We don't none of us know for sure, right? We don't know anything. But that's not a debate. It should have been more like, oh shit, why do you feel that way? Not, no, he's not. You know what I mean? So it's little things like that that I catch myself in more and more. And sometimes I'll catch myself in the beginning of the conversation, and more times still than not, I'll think about it afterwards, like, oh, I wish I would have not done that. I wish I would have done it this way. I wish I would have done it. Um so honestly, it's just like a matter of under having empathy for other people's feelings, and also I mean, you can stick to your guns, you can still be as hard in your beliefs and desires as you ever have been, but I think it's it's trying to get rid of the who's right or wrong. Because the thing is, no one there doesn't have to be one right. I think I just grew up I was always wrong, like no matter what I did, what I was doing, what I was buying, where I was I felt like I was always as wrong as a kid, so maybe that is like but a chip on my shoulder to always be right or always win. Uh I'm not sure, but either way, in this situation specifically, I knew I was projecting. That was my first thought of why are you being mean? You're right. This isn't the guy you are. Why is this showing? So it's not necessarily so in that instance, I wouldn't say how do you how do you say that? When you if I feel like I am just Jeff, I feel like I don't play a part. The only time when I do play a part is when I let my emotions get the best of me. When someone riles me up or someone really gets at me, that's when I become the other Jeff that isn't the best Jeff. And let me tell you what, there's a time for that son of a bitch to come out. There don't take my kindness for weakness. I can put a boot in someone's ass just as fast as I can help them. But for the most part, yeah, I need to be more aware of you're starting to feel away. Let's think about things before you say them. Even text messages, how easy it is for text messages to fly. Um, a lot of times if I get a text message I don't like, I have to sit on it for a couple hours, other than popping off. And I'm trying to teach my kids that too. I'm trying to teach them like, hey, uh-uh, we ain't pop, we ain't we ain't acting on emotion. If I if we all acted on emotion to the extreme, there'd be no humans left. Um, and I just realized, you know, a couple months ago about that. Acting on emotion. I've done that my whole life. Whether you're super sad, you're worried, you're you just do things, and then afterwards, like, I could have handled that better. Well, and honestly, if you give yourself a day or two, you can handle a lot of situations better. You don't have to give an answer right then and there. So, no, it was nice to correct that. It was nice to have the healthy enough soul to figure out why I'm being a certain way. Because and honestly, dismissive avoidance is a big thing. I was basically just trying to create enough distance between him and I to where I didn't have to deal with it anymore. And that is not fair to anyone. That that leaves everyone pretty pretty hurt. So I think that's a lot of it. If you feel like picking up the phone and texting someone or calling someone, and then you automatically like don't, that's dismissive avoidance. You're avoiding it so you don't have to deal with it. So uh much like pulling off a band-aid and honestly just handling your business. That's a that's a big that's a that's some grown up shit, man. That's some grown-up shit. So hopefully hearing that story, you can think of someone that maybe you're avoiding um that you don't necessarily hate, you don't necessarily dislike, you're just avoiding it for one little reason. Yeah, maybe it's time to kind of look inward and figure out why. Why are we why are we avoiding people? Is it really that big of a deal on the grand scheme of things? So anyway, so that's my that's Jeff's mental health segment. And we're gonna end with a little bit of answer the internet. All right. Uh answer the internet. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for wanting to end my relationship after he booked a vacation for both of us? My boyfriend's birthday is coming soon, and he wanted to go on a vacation with me for a few days. Lovely, love that. Few days, week max, few days, and do weekdays. Don't do the weekend. You go somewhere for a week. If you get there Tuesday, Wednesday, or no, you get there Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you got the weekends. Monday, leave Tuesday. That's the best. Because you get not as crowded during the week. You can kind of ramp yourself up for the crowds, the festivities, the main attraction, but then you also have Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Monday is just kind of like not as many people. I'll die on the hell. He booked everything, but now I feel like shit as he can't refund it because I can't go with him. Okay. I don't know. Every day I see so many differences and incompatibilities, and especially a strong inner feeling that this is not my person, and I made a huge mistake. I know he'd be very upset with if I break up with him as he already paid for it. What would you do? This was too much. Alright, so summary girl bought, girl booked vacation. Yeah, girl booked a vacation, she doesn't want to go now. She feels bad because it can't be refunded, but she doesn't know whether she should go or not. There's only one answer. You don't go. I know the feeling of someone's gonna be out money. I feel bad, I feel responsible for this, blah, blah, blah. That feeling, we're gonna say that feeling on a anxiety, stress, mad, regret scale, one to ten. That's a good seven. That's a good six and a half, seven. Six and a half, seven. Uh yeah, that's definitely up there. Maybe even eight. Okay, now think of the feeling being on vacation, getting there, this the you've you get to the place, that's exciting, everyone's probably fine. But then when you finally get your unpack, get your bags down, it's time to go like eat, or it's time to be together. The amount of uncomfortable, just the feeling of uncomfortable for me in that situation would be off the charts 10. Like, I could not do that. I don't like being around people I don't like. So for me, personally, I would rather maybe find a way to pay them or just say, hey, sorry, it didn't work out. You're not married. Here's the biggest, here's the big thing that I if I could go back, don't treat your relationship like a marriage. Uh, don't think that you have to make up and fix things like married couples. Don't feel like you have to do XYZ because your married friends do XYZ. You guys are dating. Boyfriend and girlfriend. It's okay. It's listen to what you want. Whatever it is you don't like about them, that's fine. We're all allowed to not like things about other people, and that's totally fine. You don't have to explain that. You can just say you're not my person. That is a beauty, that is the beautiful part about after divorce. I feel like for me, I know for Sarah and others that I've seen just kind of online, is once you get out of something you don't necessarily wanted to be in, or you don't necessarily want to be in, and you're just trying to make it work because you that's just what you do. The second you get a second chance, when you get a second chance, you will protect that piece with everything in your body. Uh a couple, well, one for instance, not even really bolt, I had two pretty short-term, not even girlfriends, just like people I was seeing at the time after my divorce, and it took nothing just to say, nope. Liked them, they were great. There's nothing. I mean, we we all had fun, we all hung out, like it was we had a good time. We had a good time. But as soon as I hit that level of nope, not doing it, I won't listen to it, I won't do it. It was like a trigger, it was like my new expectations for a person in my life was either XYZ or no one. Like, your boy was prepared to be alone, and I was fine with it. I knew I had to learn how to be alone. I'm not naturally a person that likes to be alone, but I knew it didn't matter. Once that line was crossed, once that threshold in my mind something clicked, nope. Now, when I finally found someone that was worth putting that time into, that that's what created the next gauge for me was okay, is the juice worth the squeeze? This is something that bothers me. If I bring it up and we fix it, is it gonna be worth the time or is it gonna be worth the conversation? Before, nope, don't care, not enough. Don't nope, not putting effort into this, it is not worth the squeeze. I'm not that thirsty, no thanks. Give me the bill, I'm ready to go. So back to the story. If you're just dating, I don't care if you bought a house and you said, I don't want to live with you anymore, do it. You are free. Do not get comfortable, do not get trapped, do not settle down, just do what feels right. And if you doing something right is wrong in someone else's eyes, that's not your person. I'm telling you, you have a person out there, and when you find that person that you get to be every version of yourself with, and you want to spend the time with them, that's your person. Until you feel that, until you feel in your bones that you have your person, and not just saying they're my person, but to feel it, to be almost like it's something I protect. It's almost like, uh-uh, it isn't my person. Like, I this is my person. It's something I can't explain, and I don't even know. I mean, I'm sure other people feel it, obviously. Like, I'm not the only person that likes my person, but um, I think when it's right, you you don't have to make it up, you don't have to pretend feel. It's just there, you just feel it. It's awesome. It's like nothing I've experienced. People always say, My best friend. I'm always like, ugh. I get it now. I get it now, and I'm I'm proud to be in a in a spot to where I can genuinely say I love being around my girlfriend. I love living life with this person. So yeah, girl, don't go. It's not worth it, man, because it's gonna be miserable, it's not gonna click, and the only the only thing you're gonna think about the whole time is you don't want to be there. So yeah. Sorry, don't go. Anyways, uh, that was a good podcast. I felt like just yip-yapping today. I hope everyone's enjoying the snow out there. I don't even know if I got to that point. Yesterday, garage up cleaning. Today, snow, ice. What the hell's happening? Oh, yeah, don't trust weathermen. We talked about this. Unbelievable. Grab your bright old bagels, um, check them out. Instagram, Facebook. It's badass. All the schmears. Oh, schmears for day. If he's got one schmear, he's got 10. If he's got 10 smears, he's got 20. Super good. Just incredible stuff. Incredible guy. Stop in, have a noodle night. And yeah, don't go on vacations that you don't want to go on. And don't do anything in life that you don't want to fucking do. It's that simple. Unless it's like, yeah, don't do math. Don't do drugs. Don't rob stores. Don't break the law, but just live the exact life that you want to live. And don't stop looking for someone until they agree. I don't know. That didn't make any sense. Let's just go. Alright, guys, thanks for listening. I appreciate it. I love you. I hope everyone's having a good day.