itsoKHAY to Give Yourself Space

Giving yourself space…sounds good in theory until you’re the one actually living it.

In this episode of itsoKHAY, I’m talking about what it really looks like to step back and give yourself space when life feels unclear, emotions are high, and you’re trying not to make decisions from hurt, pressure, or confusion.

This conversation is personal for me.

As a mother, a business owner, and someone still learning in real time… I’ve had to realize that not every feeling deserves a reaction, and not every moment requires an immediate answer.

Sometimes space isn’t about giving up…sometimes it’s about protecting your peace, your future, and the people connected to you.

This episode is for anybody trying to slow down long enough to hear themselves again.🤍

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Y'all baby, I almost didn't record this because I'm actually I'm in this. Like I'm living in this for real. And I don't like talking when I don't have all the answers. Or I'm not gonna say all the answers because I don't. But what I'm saying is I don't really like talking when I don't have clear answers. But I'm learning, yeah. You know, that not every moment, you know, needs clarity. Some moments, um, they just need a little, you know, just a little space. So before we go any further, formal introduction, welcome to It's Okay. I'm your girl Kay. And this is a space where y'all know we talk about the real, the messy, the healing, and you know, everything in between. So, whether this your first time here, or you've been rocking with your girl, I'm glad you're here. Really, I am. Because if it weren't for y'all, I wouldn't even be here where I am now for y'all listening. I I wouldn't be this far. And I really do, I appreciate it. I appreciate you all. But we'll get a little deeper on that part and that aspect, we'll touch back on that just a little later. So, back to this mean your space. So if I had to be honest about now, like right now, life, okay, life don't feel bad right now. No, it doesn't. But it don't feel clear either, man. It don't. And that's a weird place to be, it is. It's like, you know, you're not broken, but you're not settled, you moving, but you're not grounded. And this the part people don't really express or talk about enough for me. They like, you know, everybody like to say, take your time, give yourself grace, just breathe. And let's not get it twisted. I say all of that too. If somebody came to me now, then to me now, telling me what's going on, asking for advice, I probably would say all of that. Girl, you need to give yourself grace. Or do you just need to breathe? And my favorite, and that's the truth, I I do feel that, which is take your time, baby, process it. But the thing is, what about when you're not breathing? And you know, those quiet thoughts, they become just a little bit louder. So I had to realize, you know, giving yourself some space is not about having it all figured out, no, and it's also you know, it's not about forcing yourself either. And when I say that, like you don't have to figure it out too fast. That you ain't got to do. And I'm gonna try to say this as gently, as humble as possible by saying I'm going through something personal right now, and no, I don't have all the answers yet. But what I do know is I needed some space. I did. And I had to be real with myself. You know, I had to tell myself that space, it wasn't something that I just needed. There was something that I had to choose. Because if I didn't, I would have I would have kept reacting. I would have kept trying to fix something that I didn't even understand yet. And honestly, I had to come to a place that I had to realize, girl, I can't react the way I used to anymore. I can't. You know, I got children now. I got people, you know, watching me. I got a business. I'm trying to build even more businesses. And one emotional decision, just one, it can shift everything. And I think I know, I don't have to think. I know it really hit me after I went to jail myself. Yeah. That moment, that moment changed something in me. It did. Because I had to sit there. And I had to really think about how one emotional reaction, one moment, one decision, it can affect, you know, your life, your children's life, your future, just everything. And ever since then, to be honest, I move different. I do. No, I don't move perfect, but I do, I do it intentional, though. I'm very intentional about the way that I move now. Because that was something I had to learn the hard way. That every feeling does not it don't re it don't deserve a reaction from me. And let's be real. When you when you love somebody, when you built a life with somebody, when kids involve, it's not always as simple as leave or stay. Sometimes you need space. You do. You need that space to hear yourself again. So for me space became necessary because I needed some room to think. I really I needed some space to clear my mind without the pressure, without my emotions, which was all over the place by the way, but without them leading me, and especially without you know reacting to something just because you know, I'm gonna keep it real. I was hurt because I was hurt, and most of us now, but I'm mainly speaking about me because that's all I can really speak on is me, and I can say that you might not like that part, you might not like the middle space, and that's because it don't always come with answers, it don't come with you know clarity. It don't sure don't come with a plan. But like I said, I'm realizing not every moment, not every moment needs a decision right then. Some moments just need they need space, they do. And I can honestly say from experience that if you don't give yourself that space, you'll start making decisions, you know, you just want to escape that feeling, you just want to escape the feeling instead of you know making the decision or that place you that ain't what you want to do right then, and then you'll make a decision that honestly it don't even align with what you got going on with your life right now, or with the life you're trying to build for the future, but on another note, maybe another day, I'll talk, I'll talk a little bit deeper about all of that. But right now, I'm at the place that yes, I'm still learning from me. I am, and you may be there too. So if that's where you at, if you in a space right now where things feel unclear, where life feel like it's shifting for you, or it may, you may feel like you don't got all the answers right now. I need you to hear me now. Y'all know what I tell you. Hear me good. You don't have to rush, you don't have to rush having clarity, you don't. You don't have to rush or you don't have to force a decision, you don't, and you really don't have to have it all figured out today, baby. You ain't even gotta have it figured out tomorrow. I'm telling you that too, from experience. When you hear people tell you if you vent to somebody or you asking for advice, you just you know want something in return, and you hear them say, Well, well, at least me, that's what I heard. You would hear them, my mama was big on it because she was my biggest supporter going through everything that I've been through. And she would always say to me, Annie, that's what she called me, don't y'all. But she would say, Annie, baby, all you can do is take it one day at a time. And then when she would say it, it would bother me so bad because in my mind, I already knew what the next day was going to be like, and it's like I'm tired of taking it one day at a time, good. Like, I need an answer, I need to know what's going on, I need to know the next move here. And she when I get through saying all that, like going off and then off, like mama, this and this and then and this and then, she'll look at me and say, and I hear all of it, and I'm gonna say what I said. All you can do is take it one day at a time. You can't even worry about tomorrow. That ain't your that's not your job. Your job is not to worry about tomorrow. She said, and I know it's easier said than done, but you gotta understand I've been there too. I've been in a place where I was worried about it, and I now I'm in a place to know ain't no need to worry about it, can't change it. And I I see now, I I see what she's saying now, and even with that, I can't wait to dive in a little bit more with y'all on that. But I said all that to say what I'm saying is just give yourself that space that you need, don't run from it, don't do that either. That was my thing, too. Oh, I'm gonna pack up and leave, or I'm gonna do this, or I'm I I can't stay here, or I gotta do this, I gotta do that. It was no need because at the end of the day, when I settled down wherever I was going to go, yeah, I knew where I was going. But what I'm saying, when I got to where I was going to go, once I sat down, once I settled, guess what? It still won't be there. The way I felt was still gonna be there. The way I was hurt, the hurt was still gonna be there. Only thing I was doing was taking it with me. I might want taking everything as far as the people or the the environment and stuff, but the actual to me, the actual pain and hurt that I was carrying and holding, it didn't matter where I was going to go, that was still going to be there unless I sat down and dealt with it. And that's what I mean when I say don't run from it. Like no, sit in it. Yes, it's gonna be uncomfortable, baby. I ain't even gonna sit up here and act like sitting in it when uncomfortable or sitting in it when just as painful, just as confusing, it was, but I still had to sit in it. I couldn't, I couldn't escape it. I had to. And that's just like yesterday. Me and my mom was talking yesterday, and she told me, had you not gone through what you went through, had you just given up or threw in the tile the way you wanted to throw in the tile, you wouldn't even be where you are now, and you wouldn't be the woman that you are now. And looking back, she's absolutely right about all of that. Everything that you go through or that you've been through, it is for a divine purpose. I don't care what nobody tells you it is, especially even when it feels bad, heavy, rough, you may not understand why you're going through it, you not. But once you sit in it, once you settle down from it, once you go through it, it'll later be revealed to you what this what this was for, why you went through what you went through. So, if I had to leave you on any note, that's what I would say. Which is it's okay, as usual. What I be saying, life is messy, baby. It is, but you're gonna be okay. Just give yourself the space that you need.